Sunday, 1 May 2016

Anything going on?

No. It's Sunday, ain't it? And it's a bank holiday Monday tomorrow, so ... I'm just going to write some shit, thoughts and that, you know?

I'm actually watching the Purple Rain film at the moment. / There's a twenty-minute live version of the title song on YouTube from 1985 which is pretty good. YouTube has loads of "new" Prince material, such as songs that have escaped The Vault. Prince didn't want this happening while he was alive, but surely he wouldn't begrudge his fans now - ? I don't know. Who knows?

By the way, there's a good forum for Prince fans, Prince.org. / Oh, about Prince and his guitar (I was saying the other day ...): he may have been quite skilled around the time that Dez Dickerson played the solo on Little Red Corvette. However, he definitely got better over the years. Someone on the forum said that he was better than Hendrix by the end - although, of course, Hendrix invented most of the stuff that guitarists do today, so was more innovative. [This someone also made the point that there are thousands of unknown guitarists in the world today who are technically better than Prince and Hendrix. Oh, it's true. It's a mug's game. That's why I'm reasonably happy with my skills at the moment. I may be slightly better than Noel Gallagher and Kurt Cobain. Give me ... two more years to get to the Prince level. Writing songs is more important.]

I've also read that Prince used music in his teenage years to escape the horrible reality of his real life, or just real life in general, you dig? That makes sense to me. You can't throw yourself into making your own reality 24/7 ... unless you're trying to block things out. ANXIETY. Yeah, it all makes sense.

[Finance? This is a music blog. Come back Tuesday for finance - if it means so much to you. Jesus! Take a day off, man!]

Politics? Ha! We're not discussing politics. [Artists are the true lords of the world, not politicians. Politicians are small people interested in small matters. And people who are interested in politicians are even smaller, so ... GET BIG! You dig?]

Snooker? No! Ronnie O'Sullivan is out of the world championship ... / Who's in the final? No idea!

Where's the Voice? Er ... astral plane, probably. Chilling out, with his folks, or friends. Even disembodied voices need a bit of a rest every now and then.

...

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ... ? No. Just tomorrow, man. Monday. (Let's not get ahead of ourselves.) I'll have a go at that lyric I need.

Laters, and laters, and laters ...

Thursday, 28 April 2016

WMA 2016 Investment Conference

Yes, it's the Thursday night PR email, back by popular demand. I've been invited to an investment conference!

The Wealth Management Association (WMA) will be hosting its annual Investment conference, with cutting edge discussion on several keys issues that have been topping the news agenda - including international regulation, geo-political challenges, new investment trends as well as presentations on topics ranging from investing in frontier markets to alternative investments.

It sounds interesting. You know what, dear reader(s)? I think I'll go. 'Er, boss -' Shut up, Voice! 'Boss, it was today!' What?! 'The conference finished half an hour ago.' Oh, that's just great, that is! 'Yeah, read near the end ...'

Liz Field, CEO of the WMA, would like to invite you to the conference which will be held on 28th April, between 12:00am and 19:00pm, at the Cass Business School. The event will be attended by leading industry figures, such as the chief economist of Deutsche Bank UK George Buckley and Kevin Gardener, the global investment strategist at Rothschild. This will be a private and interactive event where you will be able to ask questions to the speakers.

That's just great! Why didn't you tell me, Voice?! 'Oh, I'm your secretary now?' You're my intern, man. 'What are my duties then?' Anything I say!

...

I'm gutted! Never mind. Maybe next year, eh? / Anything else? No. Laters.

[No. 409] Nigel Rosner is happy in his work

We've got to believe that(?!). I'm sure Nigel believes it.

And, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[1], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[1], and, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[2], and, kooks, please listen ...[1], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[2], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[1], and, kooks, please listen ...[2], and work is a disease[1], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[2], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![1], and work is a disease[2], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[1], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![2], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[1], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[2], and this ... is your helping hand[1], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[2], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![1], and this ... is your helping hand[2], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[1], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![2], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[1], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[2], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[1], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[2], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![1], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[2], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[1], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![2], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[1], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[2], and at least he's happy[1], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[2], and, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[3], and at least he's happy[2], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[3], and, kooks, please listen ...[3], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[3], and work is a disease[3], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![3], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[3], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[3], and this ... is your helping hand[3], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![3], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[3], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[3], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[3], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![3], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[3], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[3], and at least he's happy[3], and

And, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[1], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[1], and, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[2], and, kooks, please listen ...[1], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[2], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[1], and, kooks, please listen ...[2], and work is a disease[1], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[2], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![1], and work is a disease[2], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[1], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![2], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[1], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[2], and this ... is your helping hand[1], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[2], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![1], and this ... is your helping hand[2], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[1], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![2], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[1], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[2], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[1], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[2], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![1], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[2], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[1], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![2], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[1], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[2], and at least he's happy[1], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[2], and, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[3], and at least he's happy[2], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[3], and, kooks, please listen ...[3], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[3], and work is a disease[3], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![3], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[3], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[3], and this ... is your helping hand[3], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![3], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[3], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[3], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[3], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![3], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[3], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[3], and at least he's happy[3], and

And, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[1], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[1], and, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[2], and, kooks, please listen ...[1], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[2], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[1], and, kooks, please listen ...[2], and work is a disease[1], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[2], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![1], and work is a disease[2], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[1], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![2], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[1], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[2], and this ... is your helping hand[1], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[2], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![1], and this ... is your helping hand[2], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[1], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![2], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[1], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[2], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[1], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[2], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![1], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[2], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[1], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![2], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[1], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[2], and at least he's happy[1], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[2], and, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[3], and at least he's happy[2], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[3], and, kooks, please listen ...[3], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[3], and work is a disease[3], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![3], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[3], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[3], and this ... is your helping hand[3], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![3], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[3], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[3], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[3], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![3], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[3], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[3], and at least he's happy[3], and

Nigel Rosner has got a new job at Hargreave Hale

Unfortunately, I don't know who Nigel Rosner is, and I don't know who or what Hargreave Hale is/are. 'Oh dear.' I'm not going to let it put me off though. I've dealt with worse situations. / Er ... I'm pretty confident, dear reader(s), that Hargreave Hale is a Chinese firm. 'I don't think it is, boss.' Oh, I think it is, Voice. 'Why do you say that?' BECAUSE ... I'm looking at this website called Wealth Manager and there is a picture of three Chinese characters welcoming Mr Rosner to the firm. 'How do you know they're Chinese?' A lucky guess. 'Okay.' Yes, so we've got that sorted out.

This is from the Hargreave Hale website - The roots of Hargreave Hale date back to 1897, when a stockbroking firm was founded in Blackpool by Marsden W Hargreave, to serve the investment interests of his family members and close friends. In 1988, our current Chairman Giles Hargreave merged his own company (Hargreave Investment Management) with the family stockbroking business (Marsden W Hargreave Hale & Co) to create the business we have today.

Er ... 'There's something not right about this, boss.' Oh, I'll tell you what it is. This Wealth Manager thing - a Citywire website, by the way - is having a laugh at our expense. Us and the readers, you dig? 'They've just thrown any picture up, any picture they could find. Too fucking lazy to get a real picture of Mr Rosner being welcomed to the firm by Giles Hargreave and the gang.' Obviously. I mean, does "Giles Hargreave" sound like a Chinese name to you? 'No.' The whole thing is a joke. I presume these people are professional journalists and not just a bunch of nutjobs doing it as a hobby, yeah? 'Who knows?!'

Anyway, let's move on to Mr Rosner himself. Investment manager, apparently. 'Nice.' Our Nigel used to work at Charles Stanley. He was there for over twenty years, according to ... Fund Strategy. 'Fundweb?' Fund Strategy, man. New name. 'Nice.' But that's all anyone knows about him, which is good for me because I'm making plans for Nigel. 'Will you be taking him for a spin later, boss?' Yes. No. 409. Another blank slate for me to work on. 'Yippee!'

...

Anything else? The Daily Mail is quoting the National Enquirer that Prince had AIDS. (Not the New York Times, you understand. No, the National Enquirer.) I think I'll wait for the autopsy report. Not that it matters. Prince is dead now. Gone. However, his music and his legend live ... FOREVER!!!

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Who on earth is Tilman Fertitta?! / What on earth is Landcadia?!

'Horrific!' Okay, reader(s), there's no need to get upset because I'm on the case. I promise you I will ... EXPLAIN EVERYTHING!

Tilman Fertitta is actually a man, a genuine human being from Texas, and a billionaire. 'A billionaire, boss?!' That's what I said, Voice. He owns some restaurants. And our Tilman - I call him Tilly, we're quite close, although not as close as ... yes, our Tilly is best friends with Richard Handler. (Dickie to his friend.) 'Dickie and Tilly?!' Yeah, or ... Tilly and Dickie. (I think Tilly is the senior one. But they're definitely bosom buddies.) 'Okay.' The point is, Christ!!! Listen, the point is, these guys are in business together now with one of those SPAC things. 'Eh?' You know, man, like Chinh Chu's new firm. 'Who?!' Chinh Chu. You remember Chinh Chu, right? 'Er ... I suppose.' Well, the SPAC is called, or will be called, Landcadia. 'Oh, I was wondering what that was. I thought it might be some mystical land where the little fairies dance around and play ... their instruments, er, banjos and harps, you know?' No. 'You see, no one knows where they came from, or ... what they were doing.' Shut up, Voice! Please! This is serious. It's a serious SPAC thing we're talking about here, a blank check to buy other companies. 'All right. And how much do they want? I mean, guys like Mr Fertitta and Mr Handler always want other people's money.' Don't be so cynical. For starters, Tilly is a billionaire. 'Yes, you said. But how much of other people's money does Tilly want for his new venture?' $300 million. 'I see.' That's not much. Not these days. His own money is probably tied-up in ... other things. 'Of course.' Shut up, Voice! You're really pissing me off this morning. Go away! 'I'm going.' Good!

Uh, sorry about him, reader(s), yeah? And sorry, Tilly and Dickie, if you're reading this. The Voice is my intern. And I don't pay him. He only has a limited understanding of business and finance. He spends most of his time floating around on the astral plane like a total ponce. I'm really sorry. You just can't get the staff these days. Unless you're willing to pay them wages ... 'Ha!'

...

That's enough! My concentration has gone. / Anything else? I'm bored. I'm the Chairman of the Bored. I'll be playing my guitar after lunch and for the rest of the day. (Or I might go out. It's sunny!) I still need to finish that song, still need the lyrics, you dig?

Laters.


Interesting Prince fact: I always thought the guitar solo on Little Red Corvette was played by Prince. But no! It was played by Dez Dickerson. The thing is, Prince was an average guitar player up until this point. However, within a year or two he was a guitar god. Maybe he heard Dez and thought to himself, I want some of this action!

Tuesday, 26 April 2016

[No. 408] The cosmos wants you to be rich - (?)

YOU(!) YOU(!) YOU(!)

And ... who are you?![1], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[1], and ... who are you?![2], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[1], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[2], and the stars are alive![1], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[2], and who gives me a thrill?[1], and the stars are alive![2], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[1], and who gives me a thrill?[2], and I get a lot of visions, man![1], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![1], and I get a lot of visions, man![2], and I know you want it ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![2], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![1], and I know you want it ...[2], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[1], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![2], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[1], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[2], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![1], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[2], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[1], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![2], and believe in the living stars!!![1], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[2], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![1], and believe in the living stars!!![2], and there it goes! / Chase it![1], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![2], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[1], and there it goes! / Chase it![2], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[1], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[2], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![1], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[2], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[1], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![2], and ... who are you?![3], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[2], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[3], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[3], and the stars are alive![3], and who gives me a thrill?[3], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[3], and I get a lot of visions, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![3], and I know you want it ...[3], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![3], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[3], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[3], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![3], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[3], and believe in the living stars!!![3], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![3], and there it goes! / Chase it![3], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[3], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[3], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![3], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[3], and

And ... who are you?![1], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[1], and ... who are you?![2], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[1], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[2], and the stars are alive![1], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[2], and who gives me a thrill?[1], and the stars are alive![2], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[1], and who gives me a thrill?[2], and I get a lot of visions, man![1], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![1], and I get a lot of visions, man![2], and I know you want it ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![2], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![1], and I know you want it ...[2], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[1], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![2], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[1], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[2], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![1], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[2], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[1], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![2], and believe in the living stars!!![1], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[2], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![1], and believe in the living stars!!![2], and there it goes! / Chase it![1], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![2], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[1], and there it goes! / Chase it![2], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[1], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[2], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![1], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[2], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[1], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![2], and ... who are you?![3], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[2], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[3], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[3], and the stars are alive![3], and who gives me a thrill?[3], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[3], and I get a lot of visions, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![3], and I know you want it ...[3], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![3], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[3], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[3], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![3], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[3], and believe in the living stars!!![3], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![3], and there it goes! / Chase it![3], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[3], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[3], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![3], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[3], and

And ... who are you?![1], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[1], and ... who are you?![2], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[1], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[2], and the stars are alive![1], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[2], and who gives me a thrill?[1], and the stars are alive![2], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[1], and who gives me a thrill?[2], and I get a lot of visions, man![1], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![1], and I get a lot of visions, man![2], and I know you want it ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![2], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![1], and I know you want it ...[2], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[1], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![2], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[1], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[2], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![1], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[2], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[1], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![2], and believe in the living stars!!![1], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[2], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![1], and believe in the living stars!!![2], and there it goes! / Chase it![1], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![2], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[1], and there it goes! / Chase it![2], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[1], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[2], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![1], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[2], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[1], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![2], and ... who are you?![3], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[2], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[3], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[3], and the stars are alive![3], and who gives me a thrill?[3], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[3], and I get a lot of visions, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![3], and I know you want it ...[3], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![3], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[3], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[3], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![3], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[3], and believe in the living stars!!![3], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![3], and there it goes! / Chase it![3], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[3], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[3], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![3], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[3], and

Maggie Arvedlund wants $500 million for her Turning Rock Capital

Yeah, some sort of fund, equity or hedge, no one is sure yet. But I wish Maggie all the best. She should be able to get the money. '$500 million, boss! That's a lot!' Voice, there is still a lot of money around if you really meditate on it. 'Eh?' You've got to make the money come to you, you dig? The cosmos loves you. The cosmos wants you to be rich. 'Me?!' No, not you, man. I mean people in general. Certainly not you. You're not even a person. 'Thanks.' Don't get upset, for Christ's sake!

Turning Rock will be investing in debt and equity investments. It will focus on smaller and mid-market opportunities in North America and securities and portfolios that can creep under the radar. 'Who said that?!' Ah, some voice from somewhere. 'Oh.' You're not the only voice, Voice.

What else? Our Maggie used to work at Fortress Investment Group. I don't know much more about her. 'LinkedIn?' No. 'Bloomberg?' No, surprisingly. But what are those tossers going to tell us anyway? This person is connected to 0 board members in 0 different organizations across 0 different industries. Do me a favour!

...

Anything else? 'Ha!' Not in finance, dear reader(s). This is a music blog. / Music? There's a classic Prince concert I want to see again, man, but it's not available anywhere. (There are only a handful of clips online.) I'm talking about his 1986 birthday concert in Detroit. It was a part of his Parade tour and it was brilliant, the best I've seen of him - and he doesn't even touch the guitar once in the whole concert! Maybe stuff like this will start getting an official release now. / As for the rumoured two thousand songs in his vault, I have to be sceptical. 'Why?!' The number is believable, but I'm concerned about the quality. There is a lot of filler on his released albums, especially after the Eighties. So what are the chances of there being great music in The Vault? 'There's probably quite a few gems, Mikey.' Yes, Voice, but the music will need a good editor/archivist/producer, er, whatever ... to go through it all.

My music? Well, I won't be writing over two thousand songs, that's for sure. My dream is to write roughly two hundred high quality ones. I was shocked to find out a little while ago that Cole Porter wrote over a thousand songs. 'Ha!' But only a dozen of them are classics that we all know. 'What a waste of time!' I should imagine the rest are unbearable wank. Do you know what I mean?

...

BREAKING NEWS!!! ... I've found the concert on some crazy Chinese website! 'Yippee!' I'll have to watch it later on my phone.

Oh, other news? The doctors' strike? My solution? 'Quickly!' Well, I believe that all junior and senior doctors should resign today. All of them! They can be lured back next week by Jeremy Corbyn, after the present government has fallen. 'Brilliant, Mikey!' Yes, I'm a genius.

Monday, 25 April 2016

The richest hedge fund managers in 2016

Yes, it's the Monday morning PR email, back by popular demand. This one is from the Sunday Times (Andy Mitchell, tpf). 'Wow! You're going up in the world, boss.' Yes, it seems so. / Er ... there's a goddamn embargo on it though. Is it safe to write about this yet? 'The embargo passed early on Friday last week. What have you been doing?! You're actually late, man.' Shut up, Voice! No one cares. My readers just want to know what my opinions are on this year's richest hedge fund managers in the UK. 'And Ireland.' Yes, yes. And Ireland. Christ!

Michael Platt, who runs BlueCrest Capital, is Britain's richest hedge fund manager with a fortune of £2.1bn, up £600m on last year, according to The Sunday Times Rich List 2016 - the definitive guide to wealth in Britain and Ireland - to be published this weekend. Platt, who lives in Geneva, earned more than £500m from BlueCrest Capital in 2015.

Oh, I see. He lives in Geneva. Our Mickey lives in Geneva. Not exactly Britain or Ireland, is it? This list is fucked already! And we haven't looked at the other hedgie characters yet.

Alan Howard, co-founder of Brevan Howard, who shared top spot on the Hedge Fund Rich List last year, has fallen to fourth place, with his personal fortune now standing at £1.04bn, down £460m on 2015. The Brevan Master Fund fell 1.99% in 2015, with firm-wide assets under management almost halving in two years, to $23.7bn.

Does anyone know where Alan Howard lives? 'Panama, boss?' I don't know. Does anyone know? 'You could always do some research online.' Ha! Sod that for a game of soldiers! It's Monday morning. I've just had a week off. Watch my lips, Voice: I ain't doing no research online.

Crispin Odey is no longer a billionaire. His fortune has fallen by £200m to £900m. Odey saw profits at his hedge fund plunge to £84.1m in 2015, from £174.2m previously. His own pay was cut by £16m to £31.8m.

Oh dear. That's pretty rough. How will our Crispin be able to look the other guys in the eye from now on? 'It's all that flying around he does in that fucking balloon of his.' What do you mean? 'He's taken his eye off the ball.' Yeah, maybe. But it is a very beautiful balloon. I don't really blame him.

...

Anything else? Music? Well, obviously, I'm listening to Prince, Sign 'O' the Times. I've been watching videos of him on YouTube this weekend as well. I was always a bigger fan of Bowie, but Prince's death has affected me more, I think. 'Why?!' Because I liked the way he totally lived in the reality he had created. And it's the way he worked around the clock, you dig? The rumour is, he didn't sleep for a whole week before he died because he was working. 'That's crazy! Is it true?' Who knows? But if I can ever get away from blogging - and all my responsibilities and domestic shit - that's the way I want to be. 'Because you despise mundane life/reality, yeah?' Oh yeah. Big time.

Thursday, 14 April 2016

Alpstone Capital - ?!

Alpstone Capital. Yeah. What's this? - you're wondering. Well, it's a new macro hedge fund which will be launched later in the year. And it has a name and everything, so it will definitely be launched. 'By who, boss? Who's going to launch it?' Frederic Favre and Alexandre Germak and Melanie Owen are going to launch it. 'Okay. Who are they?' Oh, Christ! They're just some hedgie characters, man, who used to work at BlueCrest Capital Management, that's all. They were partners at BlueCrest. And there's nothing unusual about them or the fund. It's just another hedge fund.

Dear reader(s), I would love to say that there's something strange about these guys, you know? But I can't. I can't say it. Fred and Alex and Mel are just hedgies trying to earn a living. They're not GLG guys, or Jupiter guys. 'We're not talking mystic kooks or shamans then, boss?' No, Voice. They're just people who work in finance, who run hedge funds. There's nothing more I can say about them.

Which is a good thing, actually, because I'm totally knackered and I need a rest. So I'm taking next week off, reader(s). I'll be back, er ... 'The week after next one, Mikey.' Yes, the week after next one. On a Monday probably.

...

Anything else? There's nothing else. You've had the news about Alpstone Capital. Be satisfied with that.

There is nothing else. I'll see you again on that Monday - with even more news, no doubt. There will be other hedge funds. Some will be opening, some will be closing. It's the way of the world.

Now I must go. I must go and have my rest. I have a vision of a massive beach with little white crests of waves in the distance.

Wednesday, 13 April 2016

It's the Wednesday night PR email!

Back by popular demand! Let's get down to it!

"Our property funds have shown robust returns in the face of new Government taxes and increasing uncertainty on the global stage. It is probably fair to say that the early results for our second fund show it to be one of the best performing global investments over the last 12 months. Diversification and professional expertise have helped to enhance returns to date and the new tax advantages are set to underwrite its future performance" comments Heaton.

'What the hell is this, boss?!' Hang on, Voice. It will all become clear.

"Historically, such vehicles have held the greatest appeal to hands-off foreign investors who like the asset class and can benefit from unique tax exemptions, such as CGT free gains due to the fund's Genuine Diversity of Ownership.  However, with tax benefits now extended to include UK investors, British subscriptions into LCA III have jumped nearly 1/3 since our first fund, launched in 2007" adds Heaton.

'Man, I'm none the wiser.' Be patient!

Heaton concludes: "Despite the some-what negative market outlook being reported, it is now an opportune time to invest for both British and foreign investors while sterling remains weak and the Central London market is slightly quieter in the run up to EU referendum. Given the long term fundamentals for the private rented sector in PCL, I have no doubt that we will soon see prices harden, providing significant upside for the strategic investor. With new tax benefits in place, property fund investors are in an even better position to capitalise on this."

You see? 'No, I don't see. You've screwed it up, Mikey.' Give me a break, man. My readers will understand. My readers are experts. 'Ha! Your readers are a bunch of freaks, let's be honest.' Take that back! 'No.' Take it back! 'No!' You're fired! 'Shut up! You're not Alan Sugar.' Just leave me alone, Voice, please. I'm knackered.