Thursday, 25 August 2016

Many investors are uneasy ...

But there are two rules, apparently. 'What?! What's this about, boss?' Ha! It's the Thursday morning PR email, Voice. The first of two, actually. 'Oh, you're spoiling us.' Yeah. Anyway, it's the Bubbles deVere Group guy again, Nigel Green. 'Uh, not him again!' He's all right. This is what he says about uneasy investors -

Many investors are currently uneasy, but there is abundant opportunity for investors to build wealth if they live by two key rules: continue to drip-feed new money into the markets and properly diversify portfolios.

Two rules! Brilliant! Nice and simple. You can't go wrong. 'Yeah, let's hear what he says.'

This message from Nigel Green, founder and chief executive of the Bubbles deVere Group, which has more than $10bn under advice, comes as investors hang off every utterance made by the Federal Reserve committee as interest rates are expected to soon rise, amid ongoing concerns over the impact of Brexit, and against a backdrop of overheated equities, unstable oil prices, the forthcoming U.S. presidential election, unusual central bank policies in many developed countries, the economic slowdown in China, and international security threats, amongst other factors.

Brexit again! We're all doomed!

Mr Green says: "Many return-hungry investors are having a bad time of it at the moment. They will tell you that decent returns are hard to come by. Global growth isn’t what it was. And that storm clouds are brewing on the horizon due to potentially seismic geopolitical factors that will impact markets. They are viewing this period of relatively low market volatility as 'the calm before the storm'."

Brexit again! We're all doomed!

"This downbeat sentiment is fuelled by analysts, economists, politicians and media commentators who are all contradicting each other."

He's not talking about me, I'm sure. 'Is there any more of this, boss?' Just a bit.

"But it is just that - sentiment. All too often the fundamentals are being overlooked." He continues (Go on, Nigel, son!!!): "There are two key rules by which investors should live in order to accumulate wealth. First, they must continue to drip-feed new money into the markets at a steady and pre-established pace. They shouldn't withdraw from investing. History shows that over the longer-term stocks go up. As such, if investors are serious about growing wealth over the next ten years they must carry on putting new money to work. Just sitting back and waiting to see what happens is not an option if you want to achieve this aim. By contributing extra money to portfolios now, rather than putting it off, investors are able to capitalize on the potential gains of the longer-term stock market projections sooner rather than later. Putting off investing means the exact opposite, of course. Also, not all stocks are currently overvalued. Due to Brexit for example, there are lots of high quality equities at very attractive prices. If investors proceed with caution and are extremely selective, there's plenty of buying opportunities to be found in order to build wealth." He goes on to say (Christ! There's even more!): "Second is to ensure that portfolios are properly diversified. All too often investors think their portfolios are adequately diversified when they're not. No one asset class, sector or region wins all the time, therefore in order to mitigate risk and benefit from opportunities, investors need to spread their funds around. Markets work in cycles and when one asset class, sector or region is up, others are going down. The aim is to minimize exposure to one class, so that if that class is not performing well, the others are holding up the portfolio and keeping your investment objectives on track."

Okay. It's over. Good! / Well, that was -

Mr Green concludes: "Despite the general sense of -"

No, no, no, that's enough! Thank you, Nigel. Jesus H. Christ! 'He goes on a bit, doesn't he, boss?' Ha! Tell me about it!

...

You know what? 'What?' I think I'll do the other PR email now, here - yeah? There's no point in doing two posts. 'All right.'

Yeah, it's just this Hustle book, written by Jonas Koffler, Patrick Vlaskovits, and Neil Patel. 'Three guys. I see.' The power to change your life with money, meaning and momentum. 'Great!' Yeah, they want to send me a preview copy, but there's no need for that. I hardly read any more. In my youth? Forget about it! I read hundreds of books. I ain't got the time now. Besides, I know EVERYTHING. 'Ha, boss!' Exactly, Voice.

Too often we feel like underdogs fighting a system that stacks the odds against us. We work hard, follow the rules, and dream of a better life. But these days, working harder doesn't always lead to fulfilment. So how do you break free from the drudgery and achieve more success on your own terms? You hustle. Hustle is the definitive guide on how to literally change your life. If you are one of those people who lies awake at night knowing you have a great new idea, but lack the courage, confidence or the nuts and bolts 'know-how' to make that break and escape the security of the 9-5, this riveting new book is the key to outsmarting the system. 

Ha! I've never lacked courage or confidence in my whole goddamn life. Get the fuck outta here! Seriously. / Ah, that's enough, reader(s). Have a nice weekend.

Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Neil Woodford ain't paying bonuses no more

At his Woodford Investment Management, man. (Bonuses don't encourage the right behaviour, he reckons.) Apparently, the staff are happy with it, so ... 'Is this Viscount Dr Field Marshal Sir Screaming Lord Woodford, CBE, VC, DSO, MC we're talking about, boss?' Ha! Of course it is! How many Neil Woodfords are there working in finance? 'Well, I only know Viscount Dr Field Marshal Sir Screaming Lord Woodford, CBE, VC, DSO, MC.' Ha! Actually, to be fair to the poor guy, I think he only has the CBE, but ... we like a laugh around here, don't we? 'We certainly do, boss. This is satire.' Fuckin' A it is!

Well, well ... uh. / I can see a problem with this new "no bonus" culture. 'Go on. Tell us.' What if a financial genius emerges from the ranks of Neil's employees, and they start bringing in tons of business? Will he or she be happy with chump change? 'They'll just get a pay rise, man. Or maybe luncheon vouchers. Neil will work it out.' Christ! Luncheon vouchers?!

Oh, I don't know, dear reader(s). I don't like it. I don't like it one little bit. 'The staff like it.' Exactly! They like it. What sort of people are they?! 'Fund managers, analysts, compliance -' I mean, what sort of people are happy with no bonus, working in finance, where it's traditional? 'Er ...' I'll tell you! The sort of people who've got no chance of getting a decent bonus anyway. 'Oh, that's a bit harsh, Mikey.' Well, I said it, son. It's out there now. Let everyone think about that for a while ...

Right, my friend(s). Have you thought about it? Good. Let's move on. / It's a sunny day. There will only be a couple of sunny days in the whole rest of the year, I'm sure. What do you think the Aviva Investors boys and girls are doing ... at this very moment - ?! 'Ha!' Exactly! In the park, ice cream, Shandy Bass, the works. Lazy days of summer. Who's gonna say they're wrong?

So, I'll probably go out later, this afternoon, enjoy myself a bit. Tonight, I'll be working on one or more of the three lyrics I need. And tomorrow night, and Friday night, too. Hopefully, by the weekend I'll be a-rockin' and a-rollin'.

Laters, blog fan(s)!

Tuesday, 23 August 2016

[No. 441] I won't always be a financial shaman

The rock and roll life is calling me. Seriously.

And here I am, again, Christ![1], and can we get to No. 500 - ?! / Oh, I don't know, man[1], and here I am, again, Christ![2], and the DIZZY(!) life can do strange things to a soul ...[1], and can we get to No. 500 - ?! / Oh, I don't know, man[2], and four tunes, one lyric, need three more lyrics / yeah, another goddamn music update - I'm incorrigible![1], and the DIZZY(!) life can do strange things to a soul ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it will always last, no matter what[1], and four tunes, one lyric, need three more lyrics / yeah, another goddamn music update - I'm incorrigible![2], and a melody always finds me ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it will always last, no matter what[2], and ... ah, can you hear, NOW?[1], and a melody always finds me ...[2], and ... uh, remember the dream, oh, the dream tune? / I remember it like it was last night ...[1], and ... ah, can you hear, NOW?[2], and we've all got to evolve[1], and ... uh, remember the dream, oh, the dream tune? / I remember it like it was last night ...[2], and I'm thinking NOW: the musical dream was like the monolith, you dig?[1], and we've all got to evolve[2], and you don't need no fucking spaceship, man / not when you've got a COSMIC MIND[1], and I'm thinking NOW: the musical dream was like the monolith, you dig?[2], and my consciousness ness has been raised / Man, I was a musical ape before![1], and you don't need no fucking spaceship, man / not when you've got a COSMIC MIND[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ...[1], and my consciousness ness has been raised / Man, I was a musical ape before![2], and where are YOU(!)? / you are with me and I am with you and we are so together[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ...[2], and I've given the financial world my best shot, man, but there are far too many cold earth wanderers[1], and where are YOU(!)? / you are with me and I am with you and we are so together[2], and YOU(!) will always be here[1], and I've given the financial world my best shot, man, but there are far too many cold earth wanderers[2], and we have a bond NOW ... and I can feel and you can feel and God can certainly feel, oh, big time[1], and YOU(!) will always be here[2], and you're either digging or you're not / that's the truth, my friend(s)[1], and we have a bond NOW ... and I can feel and you can feel and God can certainly feel, oh, big time[2], and YOU(!) like the TRUTH, don't you?[1], and you're either digging or you're not / that's the truth, my friend(s)[2], and here I am, again, Christ![3], and YOU(!) like the TRUTH, don't you?[2], and can we get to No. 500 - ?! / Oh, I don't know, man[3], and the DIZZY(!) life can do strange things to a soul ...[3], and four tunes, one lyric, need three more lyrics / yeah, another goddamn music update - I'm incorrigible![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it will always last, no matter what[3], and a melody always finds me ...[3], and ... ah, can you hear, NOW?[3], and ... uh, remember the dream, oh, the dream tune? / I remember it like it was last night ...[3], and we've all got to evolve[3], and I'm thinking NOW: the musical dream was like the monolith, you dig?[3], and you don't need no fucking spaceship, man / not when you've got a COSMIC MIND[3], and my consciousness ness has been raised / Man, I was a musical ape before![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ...[3], and where are YOU(!)? / you are with me and I am with you and we are so together[3], and I've given the financial world my best shot, man, but there are far too many cold earth wanderers[3], and YOU(!) will always be here[3], and we have a bond NOW ... and I can feel and you can feel and God can certainly feel, oh, big time[3], and you're either digging or you're not / that's the truth, my friend(s)[3], and YOU(!) like the TRUTH, don't you?[3], and

And here I am, again, Christ![1], and can we get to No. 500 - ?! / Oh, I don't know, man[1], and here I am, again, Christ![2], and the DIZZY(!) life can do strange things to a soul ...[1], and can we get to No. 500 - ?! / Oh, I don't know, man[2], and four tunes, one lyric, need three more lyrics / yeah, another goddamn music update - I'm incorrigible![1], and the DIZZY(!) life can do strange things to a soul ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it will always last, no matter what[1], and four tunes, one lyric, need three more lyrics / yeah, another goddamn music update - I'm incorrigible![2], and a melody always finds me ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it will always last, no matter what[2], and ... ah, can you hear, NOW?[1], and a melody always finds me ...[2], and ... uh, remember the dream, oh, the dream tune? / I remember it like it was last night ...[1], and ... ah, can you hear, NOW?[2], and we've all got to evolve[1], and ... uh, remember the dream, oh, the dream tune? / I remember it like it was last night ...[2], and I'm thinking NOW: the musical dream was like the monolith, you dig?[1], and we've all got to evolve[2], and you don't need no fucking spaceship, man / not when you've got a COSMIC MIND[1], and I'm thinking NOW: the musical dream was like the monolith, you dig?[2], and my consciousness ness has been raised / Man, I was a musical ape before![1], and you don't need no fucking spaceship, man / not when you've got a COSMIC MIND[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ...[1], and my consciousness ness has been raised / Man, I was a musical ape before![2], and where are YOU(!)? / you are with me and I am with you and we are so together[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ...[2], and I've given the financial world my best shot, man, but there are far too many cold earth wanderers[1], and where are YOU(!)? / you are with me and I am with you and we are so together[2], and YOU(!) will always be here[1], and I've given the financial world my best shot, man, but there are far too many cold earth wanderers[2], and we have a bond NOW ... and I can feel and you can feel and God can certainly feel, oh, big time[1], and YOU(!) will always be here[2], and you're either digging or you're not / that's the truth, my friend(s)[1], and we have a bond NOW ... and I can feel and you can feel and God can certainly feel, oh, big time[2], and YOU(!) like the TRUTH, don't you?[1], and you're either digging or you're not / that's the truth, my friend(s)[2], and here I am, again, Christ![3], and YOU(!) like the TRUTH, don't you?[2], and can we get to No. 500 - ?! / Oh, I don't know, man[3], and the DIZZY(!) life can do strange things to a soul ...[3], and four tunes, one lyric, need three more lyrics / yeah, another goddamn music update - I'm incorrigible![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it will always last, no matter what[3], and a melody always finds me ...[3], and ... ah, can you hear, NOW?[3], and ... uh, remember the dream, oh, the dream tune? / I remember it like it was last night ...[3], and we've all got to evolve[3], and I'm thinking NOW: the musical dream was like the monolith, you dig?[3], and you don't need no fucking spaceship, man / not when you've got a COSMIC MIND[3], and my consciousness ness has been raised / Man, I was a musical ape before![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ...[3], and where are YOU(!)? / you are with me and I am with you and we are so together[3], and I've given the financial world my best shot, man, but there are far too many cold earth wanderers[3], and YOU(!) will always be here[3], and we have a bond NOW ... and I can feel and you can feel and God can certainly feel, oh, big time[3], and you're either digging or you're not / that's the truth, my friend(s)[3], and YOU(!) like the TRUTH, don't you?[3], and

And here I am, again, Christ![1], and can we get to No. 500 - ?! / Oh, I don't know, man[1], and here I am, again, Christ![2], and the DIZZY(!) life can do strange things to a soul ...[1], and can we get to No. 500 - ?! / Oh, I don't know, man[2], and four tunes, one lyric, need three more lyrics / yeah, another goddamn music update - I'm incorrigible![1], and the DIZZY(!) life can do strange things to a soul ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it will always last, no matter what[1], and four tunes, one lyric, need three more lyrics / yeah, another goddamn music update - I'm incorrigible![2], and a melody always finds me ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it will always last, no matter what[2], and ... ah, can you hear, NOW?[1], and a melody always finds me ...[2], and ... uh, remember the dream, oh, the dream tune? / I remember it like it was last night ...[1], and ... ah, can you hear, NOW?[2], and we've all got to evolve[1], and ... uh, remember the dream, oh, the dream tune? / I remember it like it was last night ...[2], and I'm thinking NOW: the musical dream was like the monolith, you dig?[1], and we've all got to evolve[2], and you don't need no fucking spaceship, man / not when you've got a COSMIC MIND[1], and I'm thinking NOW: the musical dream was like the monolith, you dig?[2], and my consciousness ness has been raised / Man, I was a musical ape before![1], and you don't need no fucking spaceship, man / not when you've got a COSMIC MIND[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ...[1], and my consciousness ness has been raised / Man, I was a musical ape before![2], and where are YOU(!)? / you are with me and I am with you and we are so together[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ...[2], and I've given the financial world my best shot, man, but there are far too many cold earth wanderers[1], and where are YOU(!)? / you are with me and I am with you and we are so together[2], and YOU(!) will always be here[1], and I've given the financial world my best shot, man, but there are far too many cold earth wanderers[2], and we have a bond NOW ... and I can feel and you can feel and God can certainly feel, oh, big time[1], and YOU(!) will always be here[2], and you're either digging or you're not / that's the truth, my friend(s)[1], and we have a bond NOW ... and I can feel and you can feel and God can certainly feel, oh, big time[2], and YOU(!) like the TRUTH, don't you?[1], and you're either digging or you're not / that's the truth, my friend(s)[2], and here I am, again, Christ![3], and YOU(!) like the TRUTH, don't you?[2], and can we get to No. 500 - ?! / Oh, I don't know, man[3], and the DIZZY(!) life can do strange things to a soul ...[3], and four tunes, one lyric, need three more lyrics / yeah, another goddamn music update - I'm incorrigible![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it will always last, no matter what[3], and a melody always finds me ...[3], and ... ah, can you hear, NOW?[3], and ... uh, remember the dream, oh, the dream tune? / I remember it like it was last night ...[3], and we've all got to evolve[3], and I'm thinking NOW: the musical dream was like the monolith, you dig?[3], and you don't need no fucking spaceship, man / not when you've got a COSMIC MIND[3], and my consciousness ness has been raised / Man, I was a musical ape before![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ...[3], and where are YOU(!)? / you are with me and I am with you and we are so together[3], and I've given the financial world my best shot, man, but there are far too many cold earth wanderers[3], and YOU(!) will always be here[3], and we have a bond NOW ... and I can feel and you can feel and God can certainly feel, oh, big time[3], and you're either digging or you're not / that's the truth, my friend(s)[3], and YOU(!) like the TRUTH, don't you?[3], and

Who is Kim Ivey?

Right. Let me tell you - 'Yeah, who is she, boss?' Shut up, Voice! It's a man. He's Australian. 'Oh, okay. I suppose that's how they do things ...' What?! Shut up, you idiot! Mr Ivey is a hedgie type, and he reckons hedge funds are doing really well in Australia at the moment. 'Er ... hedge funds in Australia?' Yes. 'I didn't know they had any.' Ha! You know they've got banks, right? 'Well ...' Christ! The ignorance is astounding. Please excuse my intern, Mr Ivey, if you're reading. I can't get the staff, you know. 'He doesn't bloody pay me!' Shut up! Sorry. He's a cretin.

Anyway, dear reader(s), I've been looking at our Kim's LinkedIn profile, for reasons best known to no one -

My full time career prior to 2010 was entirely within the Financial Services industry. Post 2010 I created my own family office to continue my proprietary investments in public and private markets. I continue my work for Hedge Funds Rock and The Australian Hedge Funds Awards; the body we started in 2002 to judge the best local alternative investment managers and as an annual social organizer to raise money for charities assisting children in need.

He has thirty years experience, too. So ... er - 'What's the point of this post, boss?' Ha! I've got to write about something, man. Uh, hedge funds are doing well in Australia because of ... China and Brexit, I don't know. That's the story. 'Well, if that's the story, why isn't the title Hedge funds are doing well in Australia - ?' That would be stupid. 'No more stupid than Who is Kim Ivey?' Look, give me a break, Voice. The awards are coming up, in a couple of weeks. 'What fucking awards?!' The hedge fund awards! In Sydney! 'Oh. Are you going?' No, I'm not going. This is for my Australian readers. They might be going. 'Okay.' Jesus!

...

Ah, that's enough. Seriously. / It's just one of those posts, this post, yeah? I mean, I start off in a confused state, and things just get worse. It happens occasionally. The Voice doesn't help. 'Don't blame me!' Oh, I do blame you. I blame you for a lot of stuff, man.

The sun is shining! I can't go out though. I've got another conceptual to do, No. 441. / Laters.

Monday, 22 August 2016

[No. 440] For your sins

Me? I've just got peccadilloes, man.

And a-ROUND here ... / NOTHING is REAL[1], and you've been a part of the SQUARE world for so long NOW, and you've got yourself into a right mess, oh dear[1], and a-ROUND here ... / NOTHING is REAL[2], and ... / Shame on YOU(!)![1], and you've been a part of the SQUARE world for so long NOW, and you've got yourself into a right mess, oh dear[2], and slip into this fantasy / there are so many kooks who will take an interest in you[1], and ... / Shame on YOU(!)![2], and it's nice to see new friends, half insane ...[1], and slip into this fantasy / there are so many kooks who will take an interest in you[2], and let it go, be DIZZY(!)[1], and it's nice to see new friends, half insane ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... Oh, mind your mind![1], and let it go, be DIZZY(!)[2], and ... how do you feel - ? Honestly, tell me[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... Oh, mind your mind![2], and you should try everything once, twice ... THREE times a gibbering lunatic, well, well, eh?[1], and ... how do you feel - ? Honestly, tell me[2], and you don't need a job, Christ![1], and you should try everything once, twice ... THREE times a gibbering lunatic, well, well, eh?[2], and I see the evil people holding you back / they don't care the way I care, you dig?[1], and you don't need a job, Christ![2], and I ain't charging one penny, so ...[1], and I see the evil people holding you back / they don't care the way I care, you dig?[2], and I know YOU(!) have serious problems, uh, that even spinning won't solve, but what have you got to lose?[1], and I ain't charging one penny, so ...[2], and ... quite a bit, ha![1], and I know YOU(!) have serious problems, uh, that even spinning won't solve, but what have you got to lose?[2], and I will steal your soul BECAUSE you don't want it, man / uh, give me a chance![1], and ... quite a bit, ha![2], and trust me, please[1], and I will steal your soul BECAUSE you don't want it, man / uh, give me a chance![2], and I AM AN EXPERT / What, you don't believe?! / I've been doing this for over four years[1], and trust me, please[2], and a-ROUND, come on![1], and I AM AN EXPERT / What, you don't believe?! / I've been doing this for over four years[2], and don't worry about a thing, my, er, friend(s) / every little thing is gonna be all right[1], and a-ROUND, come on![2], and here we go again![1], and don't worry about a thing, my, er, friend(s) / every little thing is gonna be all right[2], and a-ROUND here ... / NOTHING is REAL[3], and here we go again![2], and you've been a part of the SQUARE world for so long NOW, and you've got yourself into a right mess, oh dear[3], and ... / Shame on YOU(!)![3], and slip into this fantasy / there are so many kooks who will take an interest in you[3], and it's nice to see new friends, half insane ...[3], and let it go, be DIZZY(!)[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... Oh, mind your mind![3], and ... how do you feel - ? Honestly, tell me[3], and you should try everything once, twice ... THREE times a gibbering lunatic, well, well, eh?[3], and you don't need a job, Christ![3], and I see the evil people holding you back / they don't care the way I care, you dig?[3], and I ain't charging one penny, so ...[3], and I know YOU(!) have serious problems, uh, that even spinning won't solve, but what have you got to lose?[3], and ... quite a bit, ha![3], and I will steal your soul BECAUSE you don't want it, man / uh, give me a chance![3], and trust me, please[3], and I AM AN EXPERT / What, you don't believe?! / I've been doing this for over four years[3], and a-ROUND, come on![3], and don't worry about a thing, my, er, friend(s) / every little thing is gonna be all right[3], and here we go again![3], and

And a-ROUND here ... / NOTHING is REAL[1], and you've been a part of the SQUARE world for so long NOW, and you've got yourself into a right mess, oh dear[1], and a-ROUND here ... / NOTHING is REAL[2], and ... / Shame on YOU(!)![1], and you've been a part of the SQUARE world for so long NOW, and you've got yourself into a right mess, oh dear[2], and slip into this fantasy / there are so many kooks who will take an interest in you[1], and ... / Shame on YOU(!)![2], and it's nice to see new friends, half insane ...[1], and slip into this fantasy / there are so many kooks who will take an interest in you[2], and let it go, be DIZZY(!)[1], and it's nice to see new friends, half insane ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... Oh, mind your mind![1], and let it go, be DIZZY(!)[2], and ... how do you feel - ? Honestly, tell me[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... Oh, mind your mind![2], and you should try everything once, twice ... THREE times a gibbering lunatic, well, well, eh?[1], and ... how do you feel - ? Honestly, tell me[2], and you don't need a job, Christ![1], and you should try everything once, twice ... THREE times a gibbering lunatic, well, well, eh?[2], and I see the evil people holding you back / they don't care the way I care, you dig?[1], and you don't need a job, Christ![2], and I ain't charging one penny, so ...[1], and I see the evil people holding you back / they don't care the way I care, you dig?[2], and I know YOU(!) have serious problems, uh, that even spinning won't solve, but what have you got to lose?[1], and I ain't charging one penny, so ...[2], and ... quite a bit, ha![1], and I know YOU(!) have serious problems, uh, that even spinning won't solve, but what have you got to lose?[2], and I will steal your soul BECAUSE you don't want it, man / uh, give me a chance![1], and ... quite a bit, ha![2], and trust me, please[1], and I will steal your soul BECAUSE you don't want it, man / uh, give me a chance![2], and I AM AN EXPERT / What, you don't believe?! / I've been doing this for over four years[1], and trust me, please[2], and a-ROUND, come on![1], and I AM AN EXPERT / What, you don't believe?! / I've been doing this for over four years[2], and don't worry about a thing, my, er, friend(s) / every little thing is gonna be all right[1], and a-ROUND, come on![2], and here we go again![1], and don't worry about a thing, my, er, friend(s) / every little thing is gonna be all right[2], and a-ROUND here ... / NOTHING is REAL[3], and here we go again![2], and you've been a part of the SQUARE world for so long NOW, and you've got yourself into a right mess, oh dear[3], and ... / Shame on YOU(!)![3], and slip into this fantasy / there are so many kooks who will take an interest in you[3], and it's nice to see new friends, half insane ...[3], and let it go, be DIZZY(!)[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... Oh, mind your mind![3], and ... how do you feel - ? Honestly, tell me[3], and you should try everything once, twice ... THREE times a gibbering lunatic, well, well, eh?[3], and you don't need a job, Christ![3], and I see the evil people holding you back / they don't care the way I care, you dig?[3], and I ain't charging one penny, so ...[3], and I know YOU(!) have serious problems, uh, that even spinning won't solve, but what have you got to lose?[3], and ... quite a bit, ha![3], and I will steal your soul BECAUSE you don't want it, man / uh, give me a chance![3], and trust me, please[3], and I AM AN EXPERT / What, you don't believe?! / I've been doing this for over four years[3], and a-ROUND, come on![3], and don't worry about a thing, my, er, friend(s) / every little thing is gonna be all right[3], and here we go again![3], and

And a-ROUND here ... / NOTHING is REAL[1], and you've been a part of the SQUARE world for so long NOW, and you've got yourself into a right mess, oh dear[1], and a-ROUND here ... / NOTHING is REAL[2], and ... / Shame on YOU(!)![1], and you've been a part of the SQUARE world for so long NOW, and you've got yourself into a right mess, oh dear[2], and slip into this fantasy / there are so many kooks who will take an interest in you[1], and ... / Shame on YOU(!)![2], and it's nice to see new friends, half insane ...[1], and slip into this fantasy / there are so many kooks who will take an interest in you[2], and let it go, be DIZZY(!)[1], and it's nice to see new friends, half insane ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... Oh, mind your mind![1], and let it go, be DIZZY(!)[2], and ... how do you feel - ? Honestly, tell me[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... Oh, mind your mind![2], and you should try everything once, twice ... THREE times a gibbering lunatic, well, well, eh?[1], and ... how do you feel - ? Honestly, tell me[2], and you don't need a job, Christ![1], and you should try everything once, twice ... THREE times a gibbering lunatic, well, well, eh?[2], and I see the evil people holding you back / they don't care the way I care, you dig?[1], and you don't need a job, Christ![2], and I ain't charging one penny, so ...[1], and I see the evil people holding you back / they don't care the way I care, you dig?[2], and I know YOU(!) have serious problems, uh, that even spinning won't solve, but what have you got to lose?[1], and I ain't charging one penny, so ...[2], and ... quite a bit, ha![1], and I know YOU(!) have serious problems, uh, that even spinning won't solve, but what have you got to lose?[2], and I will steal your soul BECAUSE you don't want it, man / uh, give me a chance![1], and ... quite a bit, ha![2], and trust me, please[1], and I will steal your soul BECAUSE you don't want it, man / uh, give me a chance![2], and I AM AN EXPERT / What, you don't believe?! / I've been doing this for over four years[1], and trust me, please[2], and a-ROUND, come on![1], and I AM AN EXPERT / What, you don't believe?! / I've been doing this for over four years[2], and don't worry about a thing, my, er, friend(s) / every little thing is gonna be all right[1], and a-ROUND, come on![2], and here we go again![1], and don't worry about a thing, my, er, friend(s) / every little thing is gonna be all right[2], and a-ROUND here ... / NOTHING is REAL[3], and here we go again![2], and you've been a part of the SQUARE world for so long NOW, and you've got yourself into a right mess, oh dear[3], and ... / Shame on YOU(!)![3], and slip into this fantasy / there are so many kooks who will take an interest in you[3], and it's nice to see new friends, half insane ...[3], and let it go, be DIZZY(!)[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... Oh, mind your mind![3], and ... how do you feel - ? Honestly, tell me[3], and you should try everything once, twice ... THREE times a gibbering lunatic, well, well, eh?[3], and you don't need a job, Christ![3], and I see the evil people holding you back / they don't care the way I care, you dig?[3], and I ain't charging one penny, so ...[3], and I know YOU(!) have serious problems, uh, that even spinning won't solve, but what have you got to lose?[3], and ... quite a bit, ha![3], and I will steal your soul BECAUSE you don't want it, man / uh, give me a chance![3], and trust me, please[3], and I AM AN EXPERT / What, you don't believe?! / I've been doing this for over four years[3], and a-ROUND, come on![3], and don't worry about a thing, my, er, friend(s) / every little thing is gonna be all right[3], and here we go again![3], and

Who on earth is Staffan Knafve?!

All right, calm down, everyone! There's no need for tears. Or fears. Staffan Knafve is just a Swedish fund manager, that's all. He'll be managing a new fund soon. 'When, boss?' End of August, Voice.

Rhenman & Partners Asset Management will on August 31, 2016, start a new global equity L/S fund - Rhenman Global Opportunities L/S - which can invest in all sectors worldwide. Fund manager is Staffan Knave, with almost 30 years experience as an analyst and manager.

Thirty years experience ... 'Is that enough, boss?' I don't know. I'll have to think about it. Oh, by the way, I found this press release myself. 'Wow! Proactive or what?!' Yeah, big time. The stuff is out there, man. You just gotta grab it with your mind, you dig?

The firm?

Rhenman & Partners Asset Management, founded in 2008, is a Stockholm-based investment manager focusing on two niche funds: Rhenman Healthcare Equity L/S, founded in 2009, and Rhenman Global Opportunities L/S, which will be launched on August 31, 2016. Assets under management at year-end 2015 amounted to almost 5 billion SEK. Since inception in 2009, we have been able to report an average annual return amounting to +21%.

Christ! They can't stop mentioning that new fund, can they? 'They're proud of it, boss.' Well, I suppose.

Uh, more about the fund? Jesus! Okay.

Rhenman Global Opportunities L/S will make its investments based on active selection of regions and sectors, completely independent of index. The fund will take 35-50 positions, preferably in larger companies. The investment horizon for long positions will typically be 2-4 years, while the time horizon for short positions will typically be 6 months up to 2 years. The fund will be long-biased and have a positive outlook over the business cycle, with a typical net exposure of 50-90%.

Well, well ... / I don't have much to add. Obviously, I wish them all the best with it. 'It would be horrible to wish them all the worst, boss.' Of course it would. And I'm not a horrible person.

...

Anything else? Music? This is my last music update. I'm sick of telling you people! 'Don't take it out on them.' Well, I'm having trouble with my fourth tune for the new demo. The other three sound like hits, but I'm not sure about this one. I don't want it letting the side down. I'll continue working on it for a while. The thing is, it has the best melody. 'Stick with it, Mikey!' Maybe. / Oh, that three-minute pop tune? I'm going to put it in third position now. 'Why?' It sounds good there. It sounds right. I gotta trust my instincts, man.

Later? Another conceptual, for your sins. No. 440. Laters.

Thursday, 18 August 2016

Let's move upmarket to beat the Brexit backlash!

Yes, it's the Thursday morning PR email, back by popular demand. I'll be honest with you, dear reader(s), I'll be grateful when all the financial journalists get back to work. Sure, they're a bunch of melts, basically doing what I'm doing, rewriting PR emails, but ... I could do with some real news, yeah? [I think they get all the good leads, like what Alec Baldwin had in Glengarry Glen Ross. I get the dreck.] 'You don't need them, boss! This is real news. We can't bury our heads!' Oh, you've changed your tune since yesterday, Voice. No, we can't bury our heads -

Businesses can't afford to bury their head in the sand following the Brexit vote, warns Fastlane International. It says exporters must move away from high-volume, low margin products to avoid the impact of potential trade restrictions with the EU.

Fuckin' A!

The leading global delivery company Fastlane International says that, even though the UK Government appears to be in no hurry to trigger Article 50, British businesses can't continue as if the vote had never happened. Britain has committed to leaving the EU and, if the UK fails to achieve continued access to the single market, manufacturers and exporters must have plans in place to move their products and services upmarket; warns Fastlane's Head of Consumer Research, David Jinks.

Ha! In no hurry to trigger Article 50! 'I wonder why not ...' BECAUSE THEY KNOW IT WILL TOTALLY CRASH THIS COUNTRY.

David cautions that UK manufacturers and traders should not be lulled by the current period of 'phoney war'. Says our David: "Britain's exporters know that trading with the EU could become a lot tougher shortly. UK businesses are holding their breath and hoping for the best; but they should also plan for the worst; and the imposition of duties on British goods being shipped to the EU could make sales of cheaper, high-volume products uneconomic."

Well, well ...

Says our David: "Right now, it's very easy to believe nothing will change following our divorce from the EU. In fact, exporters are enjoying more favourable trading conditions than before the vote; thanks to the low value of the pound making UK goods a bargain abroad. The Fastlane Group is currently enjoying record number of shipments to the Continent because of the success of many of our business customers; but UK companies will be in a very different place if free access to the EU market is not secured. Large, low value items, such as some car parts, will incur high transport costs and potentially steep tariffs. The best bet is to look to smaller, high value, items which are not reliant on small margins to make a profit."

Yeah, it's all right for some, having a pound that is worth NOTHING.

Fastlane has already seen a rise in upmarket products shipping to the EU post-Brexit. While some low value exports are down; high-end, hand-crafted products that can command greater profits are up. Says our David: "Since the vote we've shipped notably more high-quality products to the EU than previously: varying from traditional Scottish broaches, polo equipment and prom dresses; to toy soldiers, live steam garden locos, dolls house furniture and bespoke hand-made chairs. There are also some specialist industries which have niche products, for instance we have just shipped a number of fog machines for use in theatres! These are all the kind of products that will continue to make money even with increased shipping costs and duties."

Fog machines! Are fog machines really the future?! We're all fucked! Seriously.

Concludes our David: "We are not saying Britain can't secure a good deal with the EU; just that businesses should be prepared in case there is the imposition of tariffs at EU borders. That would alter the pattern of trade with the majority of Europe. Similarly, importers who are already suffering from the low value of the pound, could also face new tariffs on EU-produced items on arrival in the UK: should our Government decide not to adopt a free trade policy. Right now it's a case of 'keep calm and carry on': but UK businesses from the smallest start-up e-commerce company to the largest manufacturer need to have plans in reserve should this phoney war become a real trade war."

Dear oh dear. Christ! / Well, at least we have "control" now, eh? And "sovereignty". I mean, personally, speaking for myself, that's the shit that helps me sleep at night, you know? Without "control" and "sovereignty" I might start getting the idea in my little head that I'm a slave, working for the rich men. 'Oh, you'll change that scene one day!' Yes, Voice, Friday on My Mind by The Easybeats. I'm listening to it RIGHT NOW!!!

But I think it's going to rain tomorrow.

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

[No. 439] No financial news is good news

That's what they say. 'Who says it?!' The voices in my head, man. 'I am the Voice, the only Voice, Mikey.' Ha!

And ... / ain't it all right, eh?[1], and I could be in the park, you know, eating ice cream - if I weren't so busy getting a-ROUND / Jesus, I feel so empty[1], and ... / ain't it all right, eh?[2], and another PR email, please!!![1], and I could be in the park, you know, eating ice cream - if I weren't so busy getting a-ROUND / Jesus, I feel so empty[2], and when the sun is shining ... / and where the fuck is everybody?! Seriously[1], and another PR email, please!!![2], and a couple of Stellas, sure[1], and when the sun is shining ... / and where the fuck is everybody?! Seriously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, it's work that should feel better than the park[1], and a couple of Stellas, sure[2], and that sun won't last, trust me[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, it's work that should feel better than the park[2], and the pound, where's the pound now?[1], and that sun won't last, trust me[2], and, Christ, I wish I were back in Cornwall, man, living life the way it should be lived - up to my neck in pasties![1], and the pound, where's the pound now?[2], and stone man on the beach? Forget about it![1], and, Christ, I wish I were back in Cornwall, man, living life the way it should be lived - up to my neck in pasties![2], and ... winter soon, God help us![1], and stone man on the beach? Forget about it![2], and I got my own sun ... in my mind, you dig? / It lights up my consciousness ness[1], and ... winter soon, God help us![2], and ... 'There ain't no sunshine when you're GONE(!)' Ha! Shut up, you fucking idiot![1], and I got my own sun ... in my mind, you dig? / It lights up my consciousness ness[2], and I've always said: If you ain't got no news, make some - 'Really?' - Uh, no[1], and ... 'There ain't no sunshine when you're GONE(!)' Ha! Shut up, you fucking idiot![2], and maybe Bob Diamond is going back to Barclays, chief executive again[1], and I've always said: If you ain't got no news, make some - 'Really?' - Uh, no[2], and maybe I'll get my money ...[1], and maybe Bob Diamond is going back to Barclays, chief executive again[2], and one more for the road? / Oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes[1], and maybe I'll get my money ...[2], and ... a lot more, actually[1], and one more for the road? / Oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes[2], and ... / ain't it all right, eh?[3], and ... a lot more, actually[2], and I could be in the park, you know, eating ice cream - if I weren't so busy getting a-ROUND / Jesus, I feel so empty[3], and another PR email, please!!![3], and when the sun is shining ... / and where the fuck is everybody?! Seriously[3], and a couple of Stellas, sure[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, it's work that should feel better than the park[3], and that sun won't last, trust me[3], and the pound, where's the pound now?[3], and, Christ, I wish I were back in Cornwall, man, living life the way it should be lived - up to my neck in pasties![3], and stone man on the beach? Forget about it![3], and ... winter soon, God help us![3], and I got my own sun ... in my mind, you dig? / It lights up my consciousness ness[3], and ... 'There ain't no sunshine when you're GONE(!)' Ha! Shut up, you fucking idiot![3], and I've always said: If you ain't got no news, make some - 'Really?' - Uh, no[3], and maybe Bob Diamond is going back to Barclays, chief executive again[3], and maybe I'll get my money ...[3], and one more for the road? / Oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes[3], and ... a lot more, actually[3], and

And ... / ain't it all right, eh?[1], and I could be in the park, you know, eating ice cream - if I weren't so busy getting a-ROUND / Jesus, I feel so empty[1], and ... / ain't it all right, eh?[2], and another PR email, please!!![1], and I could be in the park, you know, eating ice cream - if I weren't so busy getting a-ROUND / Jesus, I feel so empty[2], and when the sun is shining ... / and where the fuck is everybody?! Seriously[1], and another PR email, please!!![2], and a couple of Stellas, sure[1], and when the sun is shining ... / and where the fuck is everybody?! Seriously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, it's work that should feel better than the park[1], and a couple of Stellas, sure[2], and that sun won't last, trust me[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, it's work that should feel better than the park[2], and the pound, where's the pound now?[1], and that sun won't last, trust me[2], and, Christ, I wish I were back in Cornwall, man, living life the way it should be lived - up to my neck in pasties![1], and the pound, where's the pound now?[2], and stone man on the beach? Forget about it![1], and, Christ, I wish I were back in Cornwall, man, living life the way it should be lived - up to my neck in pasties![2], and ... winter soon, God help us![1], and stone man on the beach? Forget about it![2], and I got my own sun ... in my mind, you dig? / It lights up my consciousness ness[1], and ... winter soon, God help us![2], and ... 'There ain't no sunshine when you're GONE(!)' Ha! Shut up, you fucking idiot![1], and I got my own sun ... in my mind, you dig? / It lights up my consciousness ness[2], and I've always said: If you ain't got no news, make some - 'Really?' - Uh, no[1], and ... 'There ain't no sunshine when you're GONE(!)' Ha! Shut up, you fucking idiot![2], and maybe Bob Diamond is going back to Barclays, chief executive again[1], and I've always said: If you ain't got no news, make some - 'Really?' - Uh, no[2], and maybe I'll get my money ...[1], and maybe Bob Diamond is going back to Barclays, chief executive again[2], and one more for the road? / Oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes[1], and maybe I'll get my money ...[2], and ... a lot more, actually[1], and one more for the road? / Oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes[2], and ... / ain't it all right, eh?[3], and ... a lot more, actually[2], and I could be in the park, you know, eating ice cream - if I weren't so busy getting a-ROUND / Jesus, I feel so empty[3], and another PR email, please!!![3], and when the sun is shining ... / and where the fuck is everybody?! Seriously[3], and a couple of Stellas, sure[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, it's work that should feel better than the park[3], and that sun won't last, trust me[3], and the pound, where's the pound now?[3], and, Christ, I wish I were back in Cornwall, man, living life the way it should be lived - up to my neck in pasties![3], and stone man on the beach? Forget about it![3], and ... winter soon, God help us![3], and I got my own sun ... in my mind, you dig? / It lights up my consciousness ness[3], and ... 'There ain't no sunshine when you're GONE(!)' Ha! Shut up, you fucking idiot![3], and I've always said: If you ain't got no news, make some - 'Really?' - Uh, no[3], and maybe Bob Diamond is going back to Barclays, chief executive again[3], and maybe I'll get my money ...[3], and one more for the road? / Oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes[3], and ... a lot more, actually[3], and

And ... / ain't it all right, eh?[1], and I could be in the park, you know, eating ice cream - if I weren't so busy getting a-ROUND / Jesus, I feel so empty[1], and ... / ain't it all right, eh?[2], and another PR email, please!!![1], and I could be in the park, you know, eating ice cream - if I weren't so busy getting a-ROUND / Jesus, I feel so empty[2], and when the sun is shining ... / and where the fuck is everybody?! Seriously[1], and another PR email, please!!![2], and a couple of Stellas, sure[1], and when the sun is shining ... / and where the fuck is everybody?! Seriously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, it's work that should feel better than the park[1], and a couple of Stellas, sure[2], and that sun won't last, trust me[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, it's work that should feel better than the park[2], and the pound, where's the pound now?[1], and that sun won't last, trust me[2], and, Christ, I wish I were back in Cornwall, man, living life the way it should be lived - up to my neck in pasties![1], and the pound, where's the pound now?[2], and stone man on the beach? Forget about it![1], and, Christ, I wish I were back in Cornwall, man, living life the way it should be lived - up to my neck in pasties![2], and ... winter soon, God help us![1], and stone man on the beach? Forget about it![2], and I got my own sun ... in my mind, you dig? / It lights up my consciousness ness[1], and ... winter soon, God help us![2], and ... 'There ain't no sunshine when you're GONE(!)' Ha! Shut up, you fucking idiot![1], and I got my own sun ... in my mind, you dig? / It lights up my consciousness ness[2], and I've always said: If you ain't got no news, make some - 'Really?' - Uh, no[1], and ... 'There ain't no sunshine when you're GONE(!)' Ha! Shut up, you fucking idiot![2], and maybe Bob Diamond is going back to Barclays, chief executive again[1], and I've always said: If you ain't got no news, make some - 'Really?' - Uh, no[2], and maybe I'll get my money ...[1], and maybe Bob Diamond is going back to Barclays, chief executive again[2], and one more for the road? / Oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes[1], and maybe I'll get my money ...[2], and ... a lot more, actually[1], and one more for the road? / Oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes[2], and ... / ain't it all right, eh?[3], and ... a lot more, actually[2], and I could be in the park, you know, eating ice cream - if I weren't so busy getting a-ROUND / Jesus, I feel so empty[3], and another PR email, please!!![3], and when the sun is shining ... / and where the fuck is everybody?! Seriously[3], and a couple of Stellas, sure[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, it's work that should feel better than the park[3], and that sun won't last, trust me[3], and the pound, where's the pound now?[3], and, Christ, I wish I were back in Cornwall, man, living life the way it should be lived - up to my neck in pasties![3], and stone man on the beach? Forget about it![3], and ... winter soon, God help us![3], and I got my own sun ... in my mind, you dig? / It lights up my consciousness ness[3], and ... 'There ain't no sunshine when you're GONE(!)' Ha! Shut up, you fucking idiot![3], and I've always said: If you ain't got no news, make some - 'Really?' - Uh, no[3], and maybe Bob Diamond is going back to Barclays, chief executive again[3], and maybe I'll get my money ...[3], and one more for the road? / Oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes[3], and ... a lot more, actually[3], and

"Brexit has been disastrous for UK pensions"

Yes, er, it's the Wednesday morning PR email, back by popular demand. (There's no news around, man. So I'll probably be doing another one tomorrow, maybe two.) Anyway, Nigel Green has something to say about Brexit, pensions, and inflation. 'Nigel Green, boss?' Yes, you know, Voice, the Bubbles deVere Group guy, the founder and chief executive. 'Oh, right. We've had him on before.' Of course we have.

Anyway ...

Today's (uh, yesterday's) inflation rise heralds yet more misery for already deficit-laden British pension funds and the UK economy - and it is only likely to get worse, warns the CEO of one of the world's largest independent financial advisory organizations.

Christ!

The warning from Nigel Green, founder and chief executive of the Bubbles deVere Group, comes after the annual rate of CPI reached 0.6 per cent in July, and increased from 0.5 per cent in June.

And inflation will get worse! 'Yeah, he said that, boss.' Shut up!

Mr Green affirms: "This post-Brexit inflation rise doesn't sound like much. However, inflation is now at its highest level since November 2014 and it is a bad omen for pensions and the wider economy moving forward. We can expect inflation's upward trend to gain momentum as the Brexit battered pound's depreciation really begins to take hold in 2017."

Just great! Really.

He continues: "The inflation rise heralds yet more misery for already deficit-laden British pension funds and the UK economy. The black holes engulfing many company pension schemes are set to get even worse due to today's increase in inflation. The funding gap is likely to soon reach £1tn."

Black holes, too! 'Outer space shit, boss!' Tell me about it!

"More pressure is the last thing these schemes need. They have seen their deficits grow due to falling gilts following the Brexit decision and due to the Bank of England cutting interest rates to 0.25 per cent and boosting Quantitative Easing (QE) by £60bn, in an attempt to cushion the UK from a Brexit shock recession. All in all, Brexit has been disastrous for UK pensions."

'But we've got control and sovereignty now!' Shut up, you utter moron! / Sorry, Nigel. I can't get the staff. Please continue.

He adds: "The scale of these enormous deficits casts doubt on the very survival of many company pension schemes and in order to survive they will need to make drastic changes to the terms of employees' pension schemes. Unfortunately, I think we can expect the Brexit impact to topple some firms and their pension schemes. As the black holes grow, companies running such pension schemes will need to divert increasing levels of funding to plug the gap instead of using this money to invest. This is bad news for the UK's sustainable long-term economic growth."

It's just so depressing, man.

The Bubbles deVere CEO concludes: "Brexit has helped create the mother of all storms for pensions and I don't believe we're even in the eye of that storm yet."

...

Well, well ... / I just ... I don't know, you dig? 'Never mind, Mikey. How's your music coming along? Cheer us all up.' Ha! I don't do updates no more. 'Oh, come on. What about your other new tune, from yesterday?' How do you know I got another one yesterday, Voice? 'I was watching.' I've warned you about that!

Yeah, reader(s), I got one more. It needs a bit of work, but it should give me my fourth tune for the new improved demo. I only need three lyrics now. 'Is one song an instrumental then?!' No, fuck off! That song is finished, words and music.

Ah, laters.

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Sebastien Poulin, Gary Ewen, and Tom Elliott ... ?(!)

Oh, who are these guys? Yeah, you're probably wondering. Well, wonder no more, my dear reader(s), because I can tell you that they are new credit analysts at Royal London Asset Management. Or RLAM to its friends.

Established in 1988, Royal London Asset Management (RLAM) is one of the UK's leading fund management companies, providing investment management solutions to both wholesale and institutional clients such as not-for-profit organisations, local authorities and the insurance sector. RLAM manages over £87.9 billion of assets and employs 75 investment professionals. It invests in all major asset classes including UK and overseas equities, government bonds, investment grade and high yield corporate bonds, property and cash.

You see? They sound all right. Sebastien Poulin is the senior analyst, by the way. 'Nice.' And you know what Azhar Hussain says - 'Hold on a minute, boss! Who the hell is Azhar Hussain?!' He's the head of global high yield, Voice. 'Oh, okay. What does Azhar say then?' He says this significant expansion of the global high yield and leveraged loans capability at RLAM signals their commitment to offer clients a diversified approach to investing in credit. He thinks this is particularly valuable in an environment where government and corporate bond yields are at an all-time low. Or something like that. He says something like that, I'm sure. 'I see.'

Well, well ... 'Er, and what about poor Khuram Sharih?' Uh, don't worry about him. / Well, I think that's about it. Obviously, I wish the guys all the best. All the best, guys!

...

Jesus H. Christ! There just ain't much news, you know? Don't blame me, reader(s). 'You could carry on writing about the guys, boss.' Yeah, saying what, Voice? 'Well, in the old days you would have cooked up some absurd fantasy about them flying through the astral sky with blood and fire and that.' Ha! No, I'm not in the mood.

Music? I don't do updates no more ... 'Ha!' But I can tell you that I'm planning to put my new tune in first position on the demo, ahead of my best song. 'Why?!' Because my best song gets off to a slow start, man, while this new tune kicks serious ass right from the beginning. I mean, I still need the lyrics, but I reckon it could be the "greatest" three-minute pop song - ever! [Two minutes, fifty seconds, actually.]

Ah ... which brings me to I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor by the Arctic Monkeys. Arguably, this song holds the title at the present time. 'What?! Not The Beatles?!' No. Shut up! / And I'm listening to it RIGHT NOW. Laters.