Thursday, 23 November 2017

Jinksy on the Budget

Well, well ... Christ! / Uh, as it turns out ... our Jinksy is only interested in parcels. 'Ha! Boss, why do you even bother with this guy?' Because, Voice, he's amusing, and ... I haven't got any other PR emails at the moment. 'Well, go looking for news then, the way you used to.' Oh, I will, I will. Next week, man. 'Ha!' This is the last post of the week. Cut me some slack, yeah? I've got me guitar to play. 'In bed with your dinner?' Me dinner? No.

Okay ...

The e-commerce home delivery expert ParcelCompare says investment in web and transport tech will boost online retail in the future; but questions need for £3bn Brexit preparations 'slush fund'.

Okay, okay. He ain't happy about the Brexit slush fund. I don't think any sane, normal person is, but - 'Boss.' What now?! 'ParcelCompare?' Oh, yeah. Uh, it's the new name, I think, for ... ParcelHero. 'Really? Why did they change it?' How the hell should I know?! They used to be heroes or something, but now they just compare parcels. It's their business. Who gives a toss?!

The newly-launched online parcel price comparison site ParcelCompare has welcomed Chancellor Philip Hammond's plans to improve mobile connections to aid busy consumers shopping on the move. But the delivery specialists worry the £3bn Brexit preparation fund announced is preparing for failure in vital negotiations to retain the benefits of the Single Market for businesses shipping to the EU.

Ha! Failure is all they know, son. The national debt has doubled since they've been in power. People are homeless. Kids are going to school without any food in them. Disabled and ill people have topped themselves. Failure is what they specialize in, Jinksy. Why should Brexit be any different?

ParcelCompare's Head of Consumer Research, David Jinks MILT, says: "The good news is the future looks bright for e-commerce and parcel deliveries; with £500m promised for next Gen 5G mobile networks and fibre broadband infrastructure across the UK, and £35m to speed up internet connections on trains. This will be a boost for busy consumers shopping on the move. People will be increasingly able to shop on their mobile wherever they are, and whatever else they are doing. For a tech-led company such as ParcelCompare this is very encouraging."

Okay, okay. We get it, man. Everything is cool in parcel world. Great! 'ParcelCompare, boss.' Yeah, whatever. Enough already!

ENDS

...

Right. Anything else? Music? My Music? 'You don't do updates no more, Mikey!' Shut up, you idiot! / Well ... I reckon my demo won't be ready until after Christmas now, a whole two years since the first demo. But I don't care. I've improved in the four key areas: composing music, writing lyrics, singing, and playing guitar. 'Nice one!' Yeah. And I have enough songs for an album. 'Nice one!' And I'm working on my most ambitious song to date. 'Very nice!' Er ... yes! It probably won't make the demo though.

So ... later(s), crocodile(s)! 'Bye!' Have a nice weekend!

Wednesday, 22 November 2017

[No. 565] The Budget?

Oh, more bullshit. I ain't interested, man! But I'll watch it, for you.

And here I am ... / and here I go![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, ha! / ... and what's not to like?[1], and here I am ... / and here I go![2], and free your mind, yeah?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, ha! / ... and what's not to like?[2], and, so ... while I'm writing ... spinning / ... and when I'm finished ... spinning[1], and free your mind, yeah?[2], and I do it DIZZY(!) / and there's NOTHING better than the DIZZY(!) life - !!![1], and, so ... while I'm writing ... spinning / ... and when I'm finished ... spinning[2], and ... one day, beyond the THREE[1], and I do it DIZZY(!) / and there's NOTHING better than the DIZZY(!) life - !!![2], and look at him, Jesus, no, don't / and look at them, Christ, no, don't / and I'll watch it for you, and my sins[1], and ... one day, beyond the THREE[2], and ... "Blah, uh, blah, uh, blah" ... yes, that's it, the reality[1], and look at him, Jesus, no, don't / and look at them, Christ, no, don't / and I'll watch it for you, and my sins[2], and the chancellor can do one!!! / and, kook(s), don't you give him one second of your precious time[1], and ... "Blah, uh, blah, uh, blah" ... yes, that's it, the reality[2], and square life is the worst[1], and the chancellor can do one!!! / and, kook(s), don't you give him one second of your precious time[2], and "embrace" my arse, seriously![1], and square life is the worst[2], and ... UNDERSTAND - please!!![1], and "embrace" my arse, seriously![2], and your consciousness ness don't need no financial muck in it / and when will you learn?[1], and ... UNDERSTAND - please!!![2], and save your eyes /  and save your soul![1], and your consciousness ness don't need no financial muck in it / and when will you learn?[2], and embrace, if you must, the future, by rejecting the evil slags of the past, yes, my advice[1], and save your eyes /  and save your soul![2], and ... so![1], and embrace, if you must, the future, by rejecting the evil slags of the past, yes, my advice[2], and who do YOU(!) need? / and you need me, yes, yes, yes / and ... yes, yes, yes![1], and ... so![2], and ... spiritual aristocrat, you know?[1], and who do YOU(!) need? / and you need me, yes, yes, yes / and ... yes, yes, yes![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and be here, kook(s), yes, not over there[1], and ... spiritual aristocrat, you know?[2], and it's nice[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and be here, kook(s), yes, not over there[2], and I'm your saviour / and I will deliver for YOU(!)[1], and it's nice[2], and be GONE(!) in your mind and take home ... genuine wisdom, oh, my gift[1], and I'm your saviour / and I will deliver for YOU(!)[2], and here I am ... / and here I go![3], and be GONE(!) in your mind and take home ... genuine wisdom, oh, my gift[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, ha! / ... and what's not to like?[3], and free your mind, yeah?[3], and, so ... while I'm writing ... spinning / ... and when I'm finished ... spinning[3], and I do it DIZZY(!) / and there's NOTHING better than the DIZZY(!) life - !!![3], and ... one day, beyond the THREE[3], and look at him, Jesus, no, don't / and look at them, Christ, no, don't / and I'll watch it for you, and my sins[3], and ... "Blah, uh, blah, uh, blah" ... yes, that's it, the reality[3], and the chancellor can do one!!! / and, kook(s), don't you give him one second of your precious time[3], and square life is the worst[3], and "embrace" my arse, seriously![3], and ... UNDERSTAND - please!!![3], and your consciousness ness don't need no financial muck in it / and when will you learn?[3], and save your eyes /  and save your soul![3], and embrace, if you must, the future, by rejecting the evil slags of the past, yes, my advice[3], and ... so![3], and who do YOU(!) need? / and you need me, yes, yes, yes / and ... yes, yes, yes![3], and ... spiritual aristocrat, you know?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and be here, kook(s), yes, not over there[3], and it's nice[3], and I'm your saviour / and I will deliver for YOU(!)[3], and be GONE(!) in your mind and take home ... genuine wisdom, oh, my gift[3], and

And here I am ... / and here I go![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, ha! / ... and what's not to like?[1], and here I am ... / and here I go![2], and free your mind, yeah?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, ha! / ... and what's not to like?[2], and, so ... while I'm writing ... spinning / ... and when I'm finished ... spinning[1], and free your mind, yeah?[2], and I do it DIZZY(!) / and there's NOTHING better than the DIZZY(!) life - !!![1], and, so ... while I'm writing ... spinning / ... and when I'm finished ... spinning[2], and ... one day, beyond the THREE[1], and I do it DIZZY(!) / and there's NOTHING better than the DIZZY(!) life - !!![2], and look at him, Jesus, no, don't / and look at them, Christ, no, don't / and I'll watch it for you, and my sins[1], and ... one day, beyond the THREE[2], and ... "Blah, uh, blah, uh, blah" ... yes, that's it, the reality[1], and look at him, Jesus, no, don't / and look at them, Christ, no, don't / and I'll watch it for you, and my sins[2], and the chancellor can do one!!! / and, kook(s), don't you give him one second of your precious time[1], and ... "Blah, uh, blah, uh, blah" ... yes, that's it, the reality[2], and square life is the worst[1], and the chancellor can do one!!! / and, kook(s), don't you give him one second of your precious time[2], and "embrace" my arse, seriously![1], and square life is the worst[2], and ... UNDERSTAND - please!!![1], and "embrace" my arse, seriously![2], and your consciousness ness don't need no financial muck in it / and when will you learn?[1], and ... UNDERSTAND - please!!![2], and save your eyes /  and save your soul![1], and your consciousness ness don't need no financial muck in it / and when will you learn?[2], and embrace, if you must, the future, by rejecting the evil slags of the past, yes, my advice[1], and save your eyes /  and save your soul![2], and ... so![1], and embrace, if you must, the future, by rejecting the evil slags of the past, yes, my advice[2], and who do YOU(!) need? / and you need me, yes, yes, yes / and ... yes, yes, yes![1], and ... so![2], and ... spiritual aristocrat, you know?[1], and who do YOU(!) need? / and you need me, yes, yes, yes / and ... yes, yes, yes![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and be here, kook(s), yes, not over there[1], and ... spiritual aristocrat, you know?[2], and it's nice[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and be here, kook(s), yes, not over there[2], and I'm your saviour / and I will deliver for YOU(!)[1], and it's nice[2], and be GONE(!) in your mind and take home ... genuine wisdom, oh, my gift[1], and I'm your saviour / and I will deliver for YOU(!)[2], and here I am ... / and here I go![3], and be GONE(!) in your mind and take home ... genuine wisdom, oh, my gift[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, ha! / ... and what's not to like?[3], and free your mind, yeah?[3], and, so ... while I'm writing ... spinning / ... and when I'm finished ... spinning[3], and I do it DIZZY(!) / and there's NOTHING better than the DIZZY(!) life - !!![3], and ... one day, beyond the THREE[3], and look at him, Jesus, no, don't / and look at them, Christ, no, don't / and I'll watch it for you, and my sins[3], and ... "Blah, uh, blah, uh, blah" ... yes, that's it, the reality[3], and the chancellor can do one!!! / and, kook(s), don't you give him one second of your precious time[3], and square life is the worst[3], and "embrace" my arse, seriously![3], and ... UNDERSTAND - please!!![3], and your consciousness ness don't need no financial muck in it / and when will you learn?[3], and save your eyes /  and save your soul![3], and embrace, if you must, the future, by rejecting the evil slags of the past, yes, my advice[3], and ... so![3], and who do YOU(!) need? / and you need me, yes, yes, yes / and ... yes, yes, yes![3], and ... spiritual aristocrat, you know?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and be here, kook(s), yes, not over there[3], and it's nice[3], and I'm your saviour / and I will deliver for YOU(!)[3], and be GONE(!) in your mind and take home ... genuine wisdom, oh, my gift[3], and

And here I am ... / and here I go![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, ha! / ... and what's not to like?[1], and here I am ... / and here I go![2], and free your mind, yeah?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, ha! / ... and what's not to like?[2], and, so ... while I'm writing ... spinning / ... and when I'm finished ... spinning[1], and free your mind, yeah?[2], and I do it DIZZY(!) / and there's NOTHING better than the DIZZY(!) life - !!![1], and, so ... while I'm writing ... spinning / ... and when I'm finished ... spinning[2], and ... one day, beyond the THREE[1], and I do it DIZZY(!) / and there's NOTHING better than the DIZZY(!) life - !!![2], and look at him, Jesus, no, don't / and look at them, Christ, no, don't / and I'll watch it for you, and my sins[1], and ... one day, beyond the THREE[2], and ... "Blah, uh, blah, uh, blah" ... yes, that's it, the reality[1], and look at him, Jesus, no, don't / and look at them, Christ, no, don't / and I'll watch it for you, and my sins[2], and the chancellor can do one!!! / and, kook(s), don't you give him one second of your precious time[1], and ... "Blah, uh, blah, uh, blah" ... yes, that's it, the reality[2], and square life is the worst[1], and the chancellor can do one!!! / and, kook(s), don't you give him one second of your precious time[2], and "embrace" my arse, seriously![1], and square life is the worst[2], and ... UNDERSTAND - please!!![1], and "embrace" my arse, seriously![2], and your consciousness ness don't need no financial muck in it / and when will you learn?[1], and ... UNDERSTAND - please!!![2], and save your eyes /  and save your soul![1], and your consciousness ness don't need no financial muck in it / and when will you learn?[2], and embrace, if you must, the future, by rejecting the evil slags of the past, yes, my advice[1], and save your eyes /  and save your soul![2], and ... so![1], and embrace, if you must, the future, by rejecting the evil slags of the past, yes, my advice[2], and who do YOU(!) need? / and you need me, yes, yes, yes / and ... yes, yes, yes![1], and ... so![2], and ... spiritual aristocrat, you know?[1], and who do YOU(!) need? / and you need me, yes, yes, yes / and ... yes, yes, yes![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and be here, kook(s), yes, not over there[1], and ... spiritual aristocrat, you know?[2], and it's nice[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and be here, kook(s), yes, not over there[2], and I'm your saviour / and I will deliver for YOU(!)[1], and it's nice[2], and be GONE(!) in your mind and take home ... genuine wisdom, oh, my gift[1], and I'm your saviour / and I will deliver for YOU(!)[2], and here I am ... / and here I go![3], and be GONE(!) in your mind and take home ... genuine wisdom, oh, my gift[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, ha! / ... and what's not to like?[3], and free your mind, yeah?[3], and, so ... while I'm writing ... spinning / ... and when I'm finished ... spinning[3], and I do it DIZZY(!) / and there's NOTHING better than the DIZZY(!) life - !!![3], and ... one day, beyond the THREE[3], and look at him, Jesus, no, don't / and look at them, Christ, no, don't / and I'll watch it for you, and my sins[3], and ... "Blah, uh, blah, uh, blah" ... yes, that's it, the reality[3], and the chancellor can do one!!! / and, kook(s), don't you give him one second of your precious time[3], and square life is the worst[3], and "embrace" my arse, seriously![3], and ... UNDERSTAND - please!!![3], and your consciousness ness don't need no financial muck in it / and when will you learn?[3], and save your eyes /  and save your soul![3], and embrace, if you must, the future, by rejecting the evil slags of the past, yes, my advice[3], and ... so![3], and who do YOU(!) need? / and you need me, yes, yes, yes / and ... yes, yes, yes![3], and ... spiritual aristocrat, you know?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and be here, kook(s), yes, not over there[3], and it's nice[3], and I'm your saviour / and I will deliver for YOU(!)[3], and be GONE(!) in your mind and take home ... genuine wisdom, oh, my gift[3], and

Donner & Reuschel - ?!

Er, I think it's one of those dodgy European duos. 'What do you mean, boss?' You know, Voice, one of those musical acts they have on the Eurovision Song Contest. 'Really?' Ha! No. It's a German bank. 'Oh. That's boring.' Yeah, never mind. / Anyway, they reckon you can invest in professional sports now ...

Top-level professional sports is now an investable asset class for the first time - innovative fund takes advantage of long-term growth trend in global sports and invests in media rights, private equity and real estate.

What innovative fund?! 'Their innovative fund, I suppose.' Yes, I suppose. Let them explain!

Few other business sectors have grown as fast in recent years as professional sports. In football, for example, both the value of the European professional clubs and the prices for broadcasting rights have increased by around 9% p.a. since the turn of the millennium. Investors can now participate in this billion-euro business for the first time.

That's nice.

The newly launched sports fund invests in a non-correlating asset class combined with a unique growth industry. "The sports and entertainment sector will further benefit from digitalization, as media rights, data and eSports are the big growth drivers of the future," says Martin Wolf, who acts as advisor to the fund together with Robert Niemann, both from Sports Advisory International in Munich, Germany. "With this innovative idea, we are giving investors access to a brand new asset class that was previously only available to private equity firms and corporations," adds Thomas Ronfeld, head of Primary Markets at the bank Donner & Reuschel.

And, uh ... just out of interest, like ... does this fund actually have a name? I mean, it's not rude to ask, is it?

The fund invests in the commercial areas of sports with a focus on football and entertainment rights. For example, this includes broadcasting rights, equity investments in clubs and equipment suppliers, and sports properties such as stadiums and training centres for top athletes. Donner & Reuschel is assuming the role of both the custodian and the exclusive sales partner, while HANSAINVEST (Hanseatische Investment-GmbH, Hamburg, Germany) is acting as the capital management company. In the medium term, a fund volume of EUR 200 million is targeted. The minimum subscription amount is EUR 1 million. The target return at the fund level (IRR) is 8% p.a. before costs, and the duration of the fund is until the end of 2028.

Well, no. They're just calling it ... Innovative Fund, then. Maybe. I don't know. 'Or Sports Fund, boss. Maybe they're calling it Sports Fund.' Yeah, that would be a good name for it, Voice. I hope they are calling it that.

Anyway, I, uh ... also hope that they make a great success out of it. This isn't an endorsement, you understand, dear reader(s), but - 'It would be churlish not to wish them the best.' Exactly! Exactly! That's exactly how I feel about it.

...

Anything else? Oh, I see, reader(s) ... you want more? I've told you about the new fund, and you want more. 'They're insatiable! You know that, boss.' Yes, yes, I do.

Laters.

Tuesday, 21 November 2017

YO! Sushi has bought Bento Sushi

But why are they telling me? I'm a vegetarian. 'They don't know that, boss.' Oh. Well, maybe they should do a bit of research, Voice, yeah? 'Ha! For Christ's sake! Cut them some slack, man. They can't check on the dietary habits of everyone they send a PR email to.' No? Oh, all right.

YO! Sushi ("YO!"), the iconic Japanese restaurant group, today [uh, yesterday] announces the acquisition of Bento Sushi ("Bento"), North America's second largest sushi brand, creating a global multi-channel and multi brand sushi platform. The acquisition values Bento at CAN $100 million and has been facilitated by Mayfair Equity Partners, who partnered with the YO! management team as part of a management buyout in 2015.

What?! Multi-channel?! Are they on TV then? I haven't seen them. 'No, boss, it's just their way of talking, you know.' Their way of talking?! Seriously? Why can't they talk normally? Jesus H. - !!! What the hell is happening to this world?! / Anyway ...

Bento, founded in Toronto in 1996 by Ken Valvur, is the second largest sushi brand in North America, and the largest in Canada trading from over 600 locations, whilst supplying sushi to a further 1700 partner sites. Bento operates across a range of formats which complement YO!'s existing proposition. These include quick service restaurants, on-site kiosks in supermarkets and other food service locations, and a number of production facilities which supply sushi to grocery and institutional food service clients across North America. The business has achieved strong growth, delivering compound annual sales growth of 16% in the last three years. Bento and its licensees employ over 2000 highly trained sushi chefs and serve more than 20 million sushi portions every year. Bento's success has been driven by Ken Valvur and Glenn Brown, Bento's Chairman and Chief Executive Officer respectively, and as part of the deal they join the Board of YO! and become significant shareholders in the combined group.

Well, that's nice. It's very nice. But what about the poor fish? What do they get out of it? Maybe our Robin will tell us ...

Robin Rowland, Chief Executive Officer of YO!, commented: "We've successfully reinvigorated the business over the last two years to ensure the foundations are in place for long term growth. This acquisition takes YO! into the next stage of its development, and creates the first global multi-channel Japanese food purveyor. Bento's proposition and its management team’s strong track record make it the ideal partner for YO! as we look to further grow our brand."

Oh. What about the fish, son? / Well, maybe our Glenn ...

Glenn Brown, Chief Executive Officer of Bento Sushi, stated: "This partnership presents Bento with an incredible opportunity to grow its platform. YO! and Bento share a similar ethos and history, and we look forward to working with the YO! team and taking advantage of opportunities to develop both brands."

Okay, okay. Nothing about the fish that are making it all possible. Talk about ingratitude!

Ends

Yeah, couldn't come soon enough, frankly.

...

Anything else? Brexit? More jobs were lost yesterday. We seem to be haemorrhaging jobs now. I suppose it's for the best. One day we'll all be sitting in our own piss. And when that day comes ... I don't want to hear any fucking complaints from anyone, you understand? It's the will of the people.

Laters.

Monday, 20 November 2017

[No. 564] Someone left the cake out in the rain ...

We can't eat it!

And ... FFS - !!![1], and do YOU(!) ... want some of the cake? / and, no, me neither, ha, ha, ha! ... uh, uh, uh[1], and ... FFS - !!![2], and if only we had control ...[1], and do YOU(!) ... want some of the cake? / and, no, me neither, ha, ha, ha! ... uh, uh, uh[2], and we all know who's responsible ... / and ... 'It was rubbish to begin with, Mikey'[1], and if only we had control ...[2], and a deal is out of reach ...[1], and we all know who's responsible ... / and ... 'It was rubbish to begin with, Mikey'[2], and, Christ! ... we can only spin a-ROUND here to forget the disaster, my kook(s)[1], and a deal is out of reach ...[2], and the squares are to blame ...[1], and, Christ! ... we can only spin a-ROUND here to forget the disaster, my kook(s)[2], and, yes, yes, yes ... it tasted like shit, anyway, before the rain, you dig?[1], and the squares are to blame ...[2], and, Voice, comfort me![1], and, yes, yes, yes ... it tasted like shit, anyway, before the rain, you dig?[2], and the cake was a joke that became a fucking nightmare / and still we run on, and on, and on ...[1], and, Voice, comfort me![2], and look at that lovely cliff, idiots![1], and the cake was a joke that became a fucking nightmare / and still we run on, and on, and on ...[2], and, ah, my aching mind ...[1], and look at that lovely cliff, idiots![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and will my consciousness ever recover?[1], and, ah, my aching mind ...[2], and let's jump off it, for kicks, like[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and will my consciousness ever recover?[2], and ... 'Mikey, there's always Malibu ... so save yourself, man! Be your own Jesus!'[1], and let's jump off it, for kicks, like[2], and ... ha, my own Jesus![1], and ... 'Mikey, there's always Malibu ... so save yourself, man! Be your own Jesus!'[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'm feeling better already[1], and ... ha, my own Jesus![2], and I ain't even praying for a miracle no more / and see me NOW(!) ... not giving a toss, man![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'm feeling better already[2], and I'll be staring at the sea ... so happy![1], and I ain't even praying for a miracle no more / and see me NOW(!) ... not giving a toss, man![2], and that cake, that cake, that cake ... oh, it's dead to me, seriously / and watch me stamp on it to make sure[1], and I'll be staring at the sea ... so happy![2], and fuck you, cake![1], and that cake, that cake, that cake ... oh, it's dead to me, seriously / and watch me stamp on it to make sure[2], and we'll never have that recipe again ... GOOD - !!![1], and fuck you, cake![2], and ... FFS - !!![3], and we'll never have that recipe again ... GOOD - !!![2], and do YOU(!) ... want some of the cake? / and, no, me neither, ha, ha, ha! ... uh, uh, uh[3], and if only we had control ...[3], and we all know who's responsible ... / and ... 'It was rubbish to begin with, Mikey'[3], and a deal is out of reach ...[3], and, Christ! ... we can only spin a-ROUND here to forget the disaster, my kook(s)[3], and the squares are to blame ...[3], and, yes, yes, yes ... it tasted like shit, anyway, before the rain, you dig?[3], and, Voice, comfort me![3], and the cake was a joke that became a fucking nightmare / and still we run on, and on, and on ...[3], and look at that lovely cliff, idiots![3], and, ah, my aching mind ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and will my consciousness ever recover?[3], and let's jump off it, for kicks, like[3], and ... 'Mikey, there's always Malibu ... so save yourself, man! Be your own Jesus!'[3], and ... ha, my own Jesus![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'm feeling better already[3], and I ain't even praying for a miracle no more / and see me NOW(!) ... not giving a toss, man![3], and I'll be staring at the sea ... so happy![3], and that cake, that cake, that cake ... oh, it's dead to me, seriously / and watch me stamp on it to make sure[3], and fuck you, cake![3], and we'll never have that recipe again ... GOOD - !!![3], and

And ... FFS - !!![1], and do YOU(!) ... want some of the cake? / and, no, me neither, ha, ha, ha! ... uh, uh, uh[1], and ... FFS - !!![2], and if only we had control ...[1], and do YOU(!) ... want some of the cake? / and, no, me neither, ha, ha, ha! ... uh, uh, uh[2], and we all know who's responsible ... / and ... 'It was rubbish to begin with, Mikey'[1], and if only we had control ...[2], and a deal is out of reach ...[1], and we all know who's responsible ... / and ... 'It was rubbish to begin with, Mikey'[2], and, Christ! ... we can only spin a-ROUND here to forget the disaster, my kook(s)[1], and a deal is out of reach ...[2], and the squares are to blame ...[1], and, Christ! ... we can only spin a-ROUND here to forget the disaster, my kook(s)[2], and, yes, yes, yes ... it tasted like shit, anyway, before the rain, you dig?[1], and the squares are to blame ...[2], and, Voice, comfort me![1], and, yes, yes, yes ... it tasted like shit, anyway, before the rain, you dig?[2], and the cake was a joke that became a fucking nightmare / and still we run on, and on, and on ...[1], and, Voice, comfort me![2], and look at that lovely cliff, idiots![1], and the cake was a joke that became a fucking nightmare / and still we run on, and on, and on ...[2], and, ah, my aching mind ...[1], and look at that lovely cliff, idiots![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and will my consciousness ever recover?[1], and, ah, my aching mind ...[2], and let's jump off it, for kicks, like[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and will my consciousness ever recover?[2], and ... 'Mikey, there's always Malibu ... so save yourself, man! Be your own Jesus!'[1], and let's jump off it, for kicks, like[2], and ... ha, my own Jesus![1], and ... 'Mikey, there's always Malibu ... so save yourself, man! Be your own Jesus!'[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'm feeling better already[1], and ... ha, my own Jesus![2], and I ain't even praying for a miracle no more / and see me NOW(!) ... not giving a toss, man![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'm feeling better already[2], and I'll be staring at the sea ... so happy![1], and I ain't even praying for a miracle no more / and see me NOW(!) ... not giving a toss, man![2], and that cake, that cake, that cake ... oh, it's dead to me, seriously / and watch me stamp on it to make sure[1], and I'll be staring at the sea ... so happy![2], and fuck you, cake![1], and that cake, that cake, that cake ... oh, it's dead to me, seriously / and watch me stamp on it to make sure[2], and we'll never have that recipe again ... GOOD - !!![1], and fuck you, cake![2], and ... FFS - !!![3], and we'll never have that recipe again ... GOOD - !!![2], and do YOU(!) ... want some of the cake? / and, no, me neither, ha, ha, ha! ... uh, uh, uh[3], and if only we had control ...[3], and we all know who's responsible ... / and ... 'It was rubbish to begin with, Mikey'[3], and a deal is out of reach ...[3], and, Christ! ... we can only spin a-ROUND here to forget the disaster, my kook(s)[3], and the squares are to blame ...[3], and, yes, yes, yes ... it tasted like shit, anyway, before the rain, you dig?[3], and, Voice, comfort me![3], and the cake was a joke that became a fucking nightmare / and still we run on, and on, and on ...[3], and look at that lovely cliff, idiots![3], and, ah, my aching mind ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and will my consciousness ever recover?[3], and let's jump off it, for kicks, like[3], and ... 'Mikey, there's always Malibu ... so save yourself, man! Be your own Jesus!'[3], and ... ha, my own Jesus![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'm feeling better already[3], and I ain't even praying for a miracle no more / and see me NOW(!) ... not giving a toss, man![3], and I'll be staring at the sea ... so happy![3], and that cake, that cake, that cake ... oh, it's dead to me, seriously / and watch me stamp on it to make sure[3], and fuck you, cake![3], and we'll never have that recipe again ... GOOD - !!![3], and

And ... FFS - !!![1], and do YOU(!) ... want some of the cake? / and, no, me neither, ha, ha, ha! ... uh, uh, uh[1], and ... FFS - !!![2], and if only we had control ...[1], and do YOU(!) ... want some of the cake? / and, no, me neither, ha, ha, ha! ... uh, uh, uh[2], and we all know who's responsible ... / and ... 'It was rubbish to begin with, Mikey'[1], and if only we had control ...[2], and a deal is out of reach ...[1], and we all know who's responsible ... / and ... 'It was rubbish to begin with, Mikey'[2], and, Christ! ... we can only spin a-ROUND here to forget the disaster, my kook(s)[1], and a deal is out of reach ...[2], and the squares are to blame ...[1], and, Christ! ... we can only spin a-ROUND here to forget the disaster, my kook(s)[2], and, yes, yes, yes ... it tasted like shit, anyway, before the rain, you dig?[1], and the squares are to blame ...[2], and, Voice, comfort me![1], and, yes, yes, yes ... it tasted like shit, anyway, before the rain, you dig?[2], and the cake was a joke that became a fucking nightmare / and still we run on, and on, and on ...[1], and, Voice, comfort me![2], and look at that lovely cliff, idiots![1], and the cake was a joke that became a fucking nightmare / and still we run on, and on, and on ...[2], and, ah, my aching mind ...[1], and look at that lovely cliff, idiots![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and will my consciousness ever recover?[1], and, ah, my aching mind ...[2], and let's jump off it, for kicks, like[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and will my consciousness ever recover?[2], and ... 'Mikey, there's always Malibu ... so save yourself, man! Be your own Jesus!'[1], and let's jump off it, for kicks, like[2], and ... ha, my own Jesus![1], and ... 'Mikey, there's always Malibu ... so save yourself, man! Be your own Jesus!'[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'm feeling better already[1], and ... ha, my own Jesus![2], and I ain't even praying for a miracle no more / and see me NOW(!) ... not giving a toss, man![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'm feeling better already[2], and I'll be staring at the sea ... so happy![1], and I ain't even praying for a miracle no more / and see me NOW(!) ... not giving a toss, man![2], and that cake, that cake, that cake ... oh, it's dead to me, seriously / and watch me stamp on it to make sure[1], and I'll be staring at the sea ... so happy![2], and fuck you, cake![1], and that cake, that cake, that cake ... oh, it's dead to me, seriously / and watch me stamp on it to make sure[2], and we'll never have that recipe again ... GOOD - !!![1], and fuck you, cake![2], and ... FFS - !!![3], and we'll never have that recipe again ... GOOD - !!![2], and do YOU(!) ... want some of the cake? / and, no, me neither, ha, ha, ha! ... uh, uh, uh[3], and if only we had control ...[3], and we all know who's responsible ... / and ... 'It was rubbish to begin with, Mikey'[3], and a deal is out of reach ...[3], and, Christ! ... we can only spin a-ROUND here to forget the disaster, my kook(s)[3], and the squares are to blame ...[3], and, yes, yes, yes ... it tasted like shit, anyway, before the rain, you dig?[3], and, Voice, comfort me![3], and the cake was a joke that became a fucking nightmare / and still we run on, and on, and on ...[3], and look at that lovely cliff, idiots![3], and, ah, my aching mind ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and will my consciousness ever recover?[3], and let's jump off it, for kicks, like[3], and ... 'Mikey, there's always Malibu ... so save yourself, man! Be your own Jesus!'[3], and ... ha, my own Jesus![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I'm feeling better already[3], and I ain't even praying for a miracle no more / and see me NOW(!) ... not giving a toss, man![3], and I'll be staring at the sea ... so happy![3], and that cake, that cake, that cake ... oh, it's dead to me, seriously / and watch me stamp on it to make sure[3], and fuck you, cake![3], and we'll never have that recipe again ... GOOD - !!![3], and

Aster has raised €240 million in capital ...

What for?! ... you're wondering, dear reader(s). 'Yeah, what for, boss? Why does he need so much money?' It's not a "he", Voice, you idiot! It's a firm. Look -

Aster is a venture capital company managing €500 million through multiple funds raised with major corporations and institutional players. A specialist in digital transformation and new industrial models, Aster funds growing companies in energy, mobility and industry. Using its "Business Hub" approach, the team works with entrepreneurs, enabling them to access corporate investor networks and markets at the global level. Aster operates in all the main innovation hubs, with offices in Paris, San Francisco, Peckham, and Tel Aviv, and draws on partner funds in China and Africa.

Er, I added the "Peckham" bit for a laugh, like. Not all readers will get it. 'Is it a joke, boss?' Yes, Voice, it's a joke. FFS! / Anyway ...

With €240 million in capital raised, Aster brings its total funds under management to €500 million and strengthens its position as a central player in financing innovation. A specialist in digital transformation and industries of the future, the investment company provides support to growing companies in the sectors of energy, mobility and industry.

That's nice. But what does Mr Bally say about it? 'Jean-Marc, boss? Bloody hell! I bet he's delighted, ain't he?' Yes, Voice. Yes, he is.

Jean-Marc Bally, Managing Partner at Aster, shared his delight "with this remarkable operation, which proves all the confidence our subscribers have in Aster's unique model and in the vitality of venture capital in France".

Er ... did they just get half the quote? 'Who sent you this?!' I don't know. Sonia or Nick. 'Who are they?' I don't know, man. / Anyway ...

The funds will be invested primarily in Europe and the United States, with potential for action in Asia. Aster covers all the world's major innovation hubs, with offices in Paris, San Francisco and Tel Aviv, as well as a presence in China and Africa, through partner funds.

And Peckham! Don't forget Peckham. 'That's a joke, reader(s).' Yes, they know. They know. / Anyway, let's finish with Mr Lancellotti. 'Our Fabio? Oh, is he delighted, too?' I have absolutely no idea.

According to Fabio Lancellotti, Partner at Aster, "the transformations underway in the energy and mobility value chains are creating opportunity for budding companies, as well as for industrials. We want to energize the sector by combining our strengths through our 'Business Hub' approach".

And that's it! ENDS - as they say in the trade.

...

Anything else? No.

Later(s), crocodile(s)!

Thursday, 16 November 2017

[No. 563] I don't feel like getting a-ROUND ...

But I'm going to force myself.

And I know that kooks are relying on me[1], and ... the bastards![1], and I know that kooks are relying on me[2], and I haven't got much energy / and could someone carry me, please?[1], and ... the bastards![2], and what number is this - ?![1], and I haven't got much energy / and could someone carry me, please?[2], and I must keep on, keep on, keep on, and ... I MUST NOT STOP!!! / and do you ... dig it?[1], and what number is this - ?![2], and I've started, so ... I'll never finish[1], and I must keep on, keep on, keep on, and ... I MUST NOT STOP!!! / and do you ... dig it?[2], and I hate letting kooks down, you know? / and no one ever said that this would be easy[1], and I've started, so ... I'll never finish[2], and ... a-ROUND - !!![1], and I hate letting kooks down, you know? / and no one ever said that this would be easy[2], and ... it's hard, man, Christ! / and will someone carry me?[1], and ... a-ROUND - !!![2], and I need some moral support, too ...[1], and ... it's hard, man, Christ! / and will someone carry me?[2], and ... 'Mikey, you're my hero!' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[1], and I need some moral support, too ...[2], and ... 'If I had a body, man, yeah?' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[1], and ... 'Mikey, you're my hero!' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[2], and it's like the SAS, really[1], and ... 'If I had a body, man, yeah?' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[2], and ... how much longer? Seriously![1], and it's like the SAS, really[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, uh ... a-ROUND / and ... let me catch my breath[1], and ... how much longer? Seriously![2], and what did Einstein say about insanity? / and who gives a shit?![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, uh ... a-ROUND / and ... let me catch my breath[2], and I got the result, the result, the result ... I WANT / and is that so difficult to understand?[1], and what did Einstein say about insanity? / and who gives a shit?![2], and forget the squares, who will never get a-ROUND ...[1], and I got the result, the result, the result ... I WANT / and is that so difficult to understand?[2], and I'm doing this for my health[1], and forget the squares, who will never get a-ROUND ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... just like a superman![1], and I'm doing this for my health[2], and, ha! ... for the whole of eternity, obviously[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... just like a superman![2], and ... COME ON - !!![1], and, ha! ... for the whole of eternity, obviously[2], and I know that kooks are relying on me[3], and ... COME ON - !!![2], and ... the bastards![3], and I haven't got much energy / and could someone carry me, please?[3], and what number is this - ?![3], and I must keep on, keep on, keep on, and ... I MUST NOT STOP!!! / and do you ... dig it?[3], and I've started, so ... I'll never finish[3], and I hate letting kooks down, you know? / and no one ever said that this would be easy[3], and ... a-ROUND - !!![3], and ... it's hard, man, Christ! / and will someone carry me?[3], and I need some moral support, too ...[3], and ... 'Mikey, you're my hero!' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[3], and ... 'If I had a body, man, yeah?' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[3], and it's like the SAS, really[3], and ... how much longer? Seriously![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, uh ... a-ROUND / and ... let me catch my breath[3], and what did Einstein say about insanity? / and who gives a shit?![3], and I got the result, the result, the result ... I WANT / and is that so difficult to understand?[3], and forget the squares, who will never get a-ROUND ...[3], and I'm doing this for my health[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... just like a superman![3], and, ha! ... for the whole of eternity, obviously[3], and ... COME ON - !!![3], and

And I know that kooks are relying on me[1], and ... the bastards![1], and I know that kooks are relying on me[2], and I haven't got much energy / and could someone carry me, please?[1], and ... the bastards![2], and what number is this - ?![1], and I haven't got much energy / and could someone carry me, please?[2], and I must keep on, keep on, keep on, and ... I MUST NOT STOP!!! / and do you ... dig it?[1], and what number is this - ?![2], and I've started, so ... I'll never finish[1], and I must keep on, keep on, keep on, and ... I MUST NOT STOP!!! / and do you ... dig it?[2], and I hate letting kooks down, you know? / and no one ever said that this would be easy[1], and I've started, so ... I'll never finish[2], and ... a-ROUND - !!![1], and I hate letting kooks down, you know? / and no one ever said that this would be easy[2], and ... it's hard, man, Christ! / and will someone carry me?[1], and ... a-ROUND - !!![2], and I need some moral support, too ...[1], and ... it's hard, man, Christ! / and will someone carry me?[2], and ... 'Mikey, you're my hero!' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[1], and I need some moral support, too ...[2], and ... 'If I had a body, man, yeah?' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[1], and ... 'Mikey, you're my hero!' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[2], and it's like the SAS, really[1], and ... 'If I had a body, man, yeah?' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[2], and ... how much longer? Seriously![1], and it's like the SAS, really[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, uh ... a-ROUND / and ... let me catch my breath[1], and ... how much longer? Seriously![2], and what did Einstein say about insanity? / and who gives a shit?![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, uh ... a-ROUND / and ... let me catch my breath[2], and I got the result, the result, the result ... I WANT / and is that so difficult to understand?[1], and what did Einstein say about insanity? / and who gives a shit?![2], and forget the squares, who will never get a-ROUND ...[1], and I got the result, the result, the result ... I WANT / and is that so difficult to understand?[2], and I'm doing this for my health[1], and forget the squares, who will never get a-ROUND ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... just like a superman![1], and I'm doing this for my health[2], and, ha! ... for the whole of eternity, obviously[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... just like a superman![2], and ... COME ON - !!![1], and, ha! ... for the whole of eternity, obviously[2], and I know that kooks are relying on me[3], and ... COME ON - !!![2], and ... the bastards![3], and I haven't got much energy / and could someone carry me, please?[3], and what number is this - ?![3], and I must keep on, keep on, keep on, and ... I MUST NOT STOP!!! / and do you ... dig it?[3], and I've started, so ... I'll never finish[3], and I hate letting kooks down, you know? / and no one ever said that this would be easy[3], and ... a-ROUND - !!![3], and ... it's hard, man, Christ! / and will someone carry me?[3], and I need some moral support, too ...[3], and ... 'Mikey, you're my hero!' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[3], and ... 'If I had a body, man, yeah?' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[3], and it's like the SAS, really[3], and ... how much longer? Seriously![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, uh ... a-ROUND / and ... let me catch my breath[3], and what did Einstein say about insanity? / and who gives a shit?![3], and I got the result, the result, the result ... I WANT / and is that so difficult to understand?[3], and forget the squares, who will never get a-ROUND ...[3], and I'm doing this for my health[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... just like a superman![3], and, ha! ... for the whole of eternity, obviously[3], and ... COME ON - !!![3], and

And I know that kooks are relying on me[1], and ... the bastards![1], and I know that kooks are relying on me[2], and I haven't got much energy / and could someone carry me, please?[1], and ... the bastards![2], and what number is this - ?![1], and I haven't got much energy / and could someone carry me, please?[2], and I must keep on, keep on, keep on, and ... I MUST NOT STOP!!! / and do you ... dig it?[1], and what number is this - ?![2], and I've started, so ... I'll never finish[1], and I must keep on, keep on, keep on, and ... I MUST NOT STOP!!! / and do you ... dig it?[2], and I hate letting kooks down, you know? / and no one ever said that this would be easy[1], and I've started, so ... I'll never finish[2], and ... a-ROUND - !!![1], and I hate letting kooks down, you know? / and no one ever said that this would be easy[2], and ... it's hard, man, Christ! / and will someone carry me?[1], and ... a-ROUND - !!![2], and I need some moral support, too ...[1], and ... it's hard, man, Christ! / and will someone carry me?[2], and ... 'Mikey, you're my hero!' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[1], and I need some moral support, too ...[2], and ... 'If I had a body, man, yeah?' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[1], and ... 'Mikey, you're my hero!' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[2], and it's like the SAS, really[1], and ... 'If I had a body, man, yeah?' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[2], and ... how much longer? Seriously![1], and it's like the SAS, really[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, uh ... a-ROUND / and ... let me catch my breath[1], and ... how much longer? Seriously![2], and what did Einstein say about insanity? / and who gives a shit?![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, uh ... a-ROUND / and ... let me catch my breath[2], and I got the result, the result, the result ... I WANT / and is that so difficult to understand?[1], and what did Einstein say about insanity? / and who gives a shit?![2], and forget the squares, who will never get a-ROUND ...[1], and I got the result, the result, the result ... I WANT / and is that so difficult to understand?[2], and I'm doing this for my health[1], and forget the squares, who will never get a-ROUND ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... just like a superman![1], and I'm doing this for my health[2], and, ha! ... for the whole of eternity, obviously[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... just like a superman![2], and ... COME ON - !!![1], and, ha! ... for the whole of eternity, obviously[2], and I know that kooks are relying on me[3], and ... COME ON - !!![2], and ... the bastards![3], and I haven't got much energy / and could someone carry me, please?[3], and what number is this - ?![3], and I must keep on, keep on, keep on, and ... I MUST NOT STOP!!! / and do you ... dig it?[3], and I've started, so ... I'll never finish[3], and I hate letting kooks down, you know? / and no one ever said that this would be easy[3], and ... a-ROUND - !!![3], and ... it's hard, man, Christ! / and will someone carry me?[3], and I need some moral support, too ...[3], and ... 'Mikey, you're my hero!' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[3], and ... 'If I had a body, man, yeah?' / and, yes, I know, Voice, I know, thank you, son[3], and it's like the SAS, really[3], and ... how much longer? Seriously![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, uh ... a-ROUND / and ... let me catch my breath[3], and what did Einstein say about insanity? / and who gives a shit?![3], and I got the result, the result, the result ... I WANT / and is that so difficult to understand?[3], and forget the squares, who will never get a-ROUND ...[3], and I'm doing this for my health[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... just like a superman![3], and, ha! ... for the whole of eternity, obviously[3], and ... COME ON - !!![3], and

TEND

Okay, okay. Where are we? What time is it? 'We're here, boss. Thursday morning.' Oh, right. My mind is all over the place. So is my soul. I don't want any grief today. No hassle! I'm going to do this post, calmly. NO FUSS!!! Then I'm going to get a-ROUND, calmly, last post of the week, No. 563 ... and then I'm going to play my guitar until Sunday, when I hope to do some recording. 'Aren't you going to the pub tomorrow?' Well, I might. A pub crawl. 'A pub crawl?! That's not like you!' Well, no, not exactly a pub crawl, Voice. I like to go to the Wetherspoons nearby, just for a vegetarian cooked breakfast, like. [Just once every blue moon, you understand, dear reader(s). I don't overdo it. Too many calories!] Then I head over to the other place, miles away, because - 'Because you like the view of the river.' Man, I love the view of the river, and the whole area, actually. It's the closest thing to a Cornwall experience in this godforsaken city. / Anyway ...

Zug, Switzerland - 15 November 2017 - TEND, the blockchain-powered platform for life-enriching investments, today announced that Rasoul Jalali, former UBER General Manager for Germany, Austria, and Switzerland, and Dr. Erich Joachimsthaler, CEO of Vivaldi Group, have joined the company as Chief Operating Officer (COO) and Strategic Advisor, respectively. Already counting former UBS and SAP Group CIO Oliver Bussmann among its Strategic Advisors, TEND aims to enable a new paradigm of shared ownership of unique assets with both meaning and financial value.

Blockchain. Okay. 'Any mention of Mikeycoin?' No. 'Shame.' Yeah. / Okay. What is this TEND?

TEND aims to function as a large-scale investment platform without owning hard-assets, a similar business model to other asset light organizations such as Uber and Airbnb. Providing investment opportunities within the expanding 'shared economy', TEND aims to leverage the rise of transformative technologies and smart contracts, to apply them to real life assets and create co-owned investment opportunities driven by purpose and emotion.

 
Jesus H. Christ - !!! You know? Well, I just don't know any more. A platform, not a currency. Or is it? What are they even talking about?! 'Ha!' I mean, it's all technology, ain't it? The thing about Mikeycoin is, it's so simple. I just email these little pictures of Mikeycoins, and you print them out, and spend them, so ... 'I don't think you really understand these crypto currencies, boss. That's why your one hasn't taken off.' Yeah, yeah. Oh, maybe. / And, uh ... there's some comment, as you would expect. Come on, Marco, son!

TEND Founder and CEO, Marco Abele said, "I am excited to bring a preeminent industry leader like Rasoul Jalali on board as COO. With exceptional experience in building and scaling a supply and demand platform from scratch, as well as launching and expanding a thriving business internationally, Rasoul is a rare talent in this field."

Nice. Okay. Now, what about Erich?

"I believe TEND is an incredibly exciting project, which will have transformative effects on the way we envision wealth and meaning for the modern global consumer. The TEND platform is based upon social interactions, and the more people that interact the more value is created. TEND is in a prime position to unlock the exponential value which it is possible to create in a platform-based business," said TEND Strategic Advisor, Dr. Erich Joachimsthaler.

Okay, okay. I've left loads out, by the way. I can't actually concentrate this morning, and there was no mention of Mikeycoin, so ... 'You don't have to explain, boss. You're exhausted.' Yeah, but there's no rest for the wicked, is there?

...

Anything else? Music? My music? Ha! I don't do updates no more, reader(s), as you know. However, I might record Sunday. All depends. What mood I'm in, like. 'Why are you putting it off, Mikey?' I don't know, man. It might be a lot of nonsense, being a superstar and that. I'm not sure I can face it. 'Well, you can just do it for a few years, until you get the house in Malibu. And then you can retire and be like Rod Steiger.' What, you mean ... stare at the sea for years on end, in a deep depression?! Oh, that's something to look forward to! FFS!

Laters.

Wednesday, 15 November 2017

Help! I don't understand!

Help! I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand! 'What's wrong, boss?' Look, Voice -

Dear Michael:

The IFX Forum has released the first deliverables from its Open Banking APIs Working Group, including a set of IFX APIs demonstrations and a RESTful edition of IFX 2.4.


What are they talking about?! 'Well ...' Can you tell me, man? 'Not really, boss. Obviously, we're going to have to go deeper into the email.' Or we could just take the day off? 'I think we have to do this, boss.' Christ! Do you think the Aviva Investors guys would? 'Ha! Those wasters!' Exactly! Can't we be like them? I fancy a cooked breakfast in Wetherspoons right now. 'No. Let's do this.' Oh, okay ...

WAKEFIELD, Mass. - Nov. 14, 2017 - The IFX Forum has announced the first set of deliverables from its Open Banking APIs (application programming interfaces) Working Group, marking significant progress on its work to provide Open Banking APIs to the financial services industry - accomplished in only six months.

Right.

The Forum has been working to develop a standardized way to address the growing impetus for banks to provide more open access to their data, in place of proprietary APIs being developed by financial institutions and vendors. All of the new IFX APIs material is available in pre-release form at no charge in order to gather public feedback.

Jesus! It's just all data crap. Whatever happened to human feelings with finance? I remember good, honest human feelings ... / Come on, Lucky, think!

A RESTful (Representational State Transfer) JSON (JavaScript Object Notation) representation of the IFX Business Message Specification (BMS) Version 2.4. JSON is an alternative to XML for representing IFX objects an additional format, demonstrating how the Forum is continuing to invest in IFX adapting the proven standard to new technologies a demonstration of fully functional IFX APIs featuring samples of several typical business scenarios in financial account management just a taste of what IFX offers in readily implementable capabilities Public access to RESTful IFX labs on the IFX server and on Microsoft's Azure platform IFX APIs demonstration the demo's business scenarios include "validate account" "get account balance" and "show account information" and they are accompanied by a PSD2 (the European Union's Payment Services Directive 2) account information use case in the demo requests are enabled by fully functional IFX-defined APIs in a RESTful architecture using the sample dataset viewers can see both a user-facing display and the JSON resources resulting from these API calls -

Stop! That's enough! Thank you, Lucky! 'Who's this Lucky, boss?' You know, that idiot from Waiting For Godot. 'Oh, of course.' Yeah, he's a thought-form on the astral plane now. He always thinks and talks when you ask him to. / Anyway, maybe Steve Goren can help us. Come on, Stevie, think!

"Today's announcement is noteworthy because, while many organizations in the financial services industry are talking about Open Banking APIs, the IFX Forum is actually doing something to advance this important initiative," said Steve Goren of Tata Consultancy Services, chair of the Forum's Open APIs Working Group. "Meeting the milestones laid out in our charter, the next significant goal is publishing implementation guides and white papers detailing best practices for IFX in a RESTful setting."

Okay, whatever. 'Thanks, Mr Goren!' Yeah, thanks, Mr Goren. You've really cleared things up for us.

...

Anything else, dear reader(s)? Politics? I don't discuss politics. However, I was watching the debate on Brexit in parliament last night. Jesus H. - !!! Do you know what I mean? The MPs seem scared, or confused, or insane, or a combination of all three. It's not good, man. / And the latest news is, Aston Martin say they might have to stop making cars if we leave without a deal. And Honda aren't too sure either. I presume the other car companies are thinking along the same lines. Just great, eh? We're going to end up like Cuba, driving around in fifty-year-old cars and scavenging for spare parts. Sunlit uplands, my arse!

Tuesday, 14 November 2017

[No. 562] Lively up yourself

Don't be no drag.

And Big Daddy said so ...[1], and not Giant Haystacks, no / and he wouldn't say something like that[1], and Big Daddy said so ...[2], and don't worry about the winter, my kook(s), because we've got an endless summer in our hearts[1], and not Giant Haystacks, no / and he wouldn't say something like that[2], and be alive forever![1], and don't worry about the winter, my kook(s), because we've got an endless summer in our hearts[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, should be hot enough for you[1], and be alive forever![2], and spinning keeps us so young ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, should be hot enough for you[2], and look at the squares, all miserable, man, shivering in a corner of their dark rooms[1], and spinning keeps us so young ...[2], and the sun shines within us![1], and look at the squares, all miserable, man, shivering in a corner of their dark rooms[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and again, we must, we will, we are[1], and the sun shines within us![2], and don't say no[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and again, we must, we will, we are[2], and be HAPPY(!!!), please, yes, YOU(!), ha![1], and don't say no[2], and these words come from the cosmos, and go back, and we shouldn't care, and it's all fun, really[1], and be HAPPY(!!!), please, yes, YOU(!), ha![2], and smile a bit, too[1], and these words come from the cosmos, and go back, and we shouldn't care, and it's all fun, really[2], and could you be loved? ... BECAUSE the cosmos loves YOU(!), yes, you know it's true[1], and smile a bit, too[2], and I remember the pub, the cider, the bench, the fog, and the chocolate limes - and Cohen![1], and could you be loved? ... BECAUSE the cosmos loves YOU(!), yes, you know it's true[2], and if you're feeling down, son, daughter, you better get up / and I won't tolerate sad faces[1], and I remember the pub, the cider, the bench, the fog, and the chocolate limes - and Cohen![2], and get lively, ah, all DIZZY(!) in your mystic soul(s) / and listen, listen, listen ...[1], and if you're feeling down, son, daughter, you better get up / and I won't tolerate sad faces[2], and ... COME ON - !!![1], and get lively, ah, all DIZZY(!) in your mystic soul(s) / and listen, listen, listen ...[2], and ... 'Oh, what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood, Mikey?'[1], and ... COME ON - !!![2], and music saves![1], and ... 'Oh, what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood, Mikey?'[2], and I'll strum me guitar until the cows come home / and, oh, go away, cows![1], and music saves![2], and I'm not in bed with me dinner ...[1], and I'll strum me guitar until the cows come home / and, oh, go away, cows![2], and just look at the squares, barely alive ... / ... and, uh, please don't be like them[1], and I'm not in bed with me dinner ...[2], and let's do it again![1], and just look at the squares, barely alive ... / ... and, uh, please don't be like them[2], and Big Daddy said so ...[3], and let's do it again![2], and not Giant Haystacks, no / and he wouldn't say something like that[3], and don't worry about the winter, my kook(s), because we've got an endless summer in our hearts[3], and be alive forever![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, should be hot enough for you[3], and spinning keeps us so young ...[3], and look at the squares, all miserable, man, shivering in a corner of their dark rooms[3], and the sun shines within us![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and again, we must, we will, we are[3], and don't say no[3], and be HAPPY(!!!), please, yes, YOU(!), ha![3], and these words come from the cosmos, and go back, and we shouldn't care, and it's all fun, really[3], and smile a bit, too[3], and could you be loved? ... BECAUSE the cosmos loves YOU(!), yes, you know it's true[3], and I remember the pub, the cider, the bench, the fog, and the chocolate limes - and Cohen![3], and if you're feeling down, son, daughter, you better get up / and I won't tolerate sad faces[3], and get lively, ah, all DIZZY(!) in your mystic soul(s) / and listen, listen, listen ...[3], and ... COME ON - !!![3], and ... 'Oh, what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood, Mikey?'[3], and music saves![3], and I'll strum me guitar until the cows come home / and, oh, go away, cows![3], and I'm not in bed with me dinner ...[3], and just look at the squares, barely alive ... / ... and, uh, please don't be like them[3], and let's do it again![3], and

And Big Daddy said so ...[1], and not Giant Haystacks, no / and he wouldn't say something like that[1], and Big Daddy said so ...[2], and don't worry about the winter, my kook(s), because we've got an endless summer in our hearts[1], and not Giant Haystacks, no / and he wouldn't say something like that[2], and be alive forever![1], and don't worry about the winter, my kook(s), because we've got an endless summer in our hearts[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, should be hot enough for you[1], and be alive forever![2], and spinning keeps us so young ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, should be hot enough for you[2], and look at the squares, all miserable, man, shivering in a corner of their dark rooms[1], and spinning keeps us so young ...[2], and the sun shines within us![1], and look at the squares, all miserable, man, shivering in a corner of their dark rooms[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and again, we must, we will, we are[1], and the sun shines within us![2], and don't say no[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and again, we must, we will, we are[2], and be HAPPY(!!!), please, yes, YOU(!), ha![1], and don't say no[2], and these words come from the cosmos, and go back, and we shouldn't care, and it's all fun, really[1], and be HAPPY(!!!), please, yes, YOU(!), ha![2], and smile a bit, too[1], and these words come from the cosmos, and go back, and we shouldn't care, and it's all fun, really[2], and could you be loved? ... BECAUSE the cosmos loves YOU(!), yes, you know it's true[1], and smile a bit, too[2], and I remember the pub, the cider, the bench, the fog, and the chocolate limes - and Cohen![1], and could you be loved? ... BECAUSE the cosmos loves YOU(!), yes, you know it's true[2], and if you're feeling down, son, daughter, you better get up / and I won't tolerate sad faces[1], and I remember the pub, the cider, the bench, the fog, and the chocolate limes - and Cohen![2], and get lively, ah, all DIZZY(!) in your mystic soul(s) / and listen, listen, listen ...[1], and if you're feeling down, son, daughter, you better get up / and I won't tolerate sad faces[2], and ... COME ON - !!![1], and get lively, ah, all DIZZY(!) in your mystic soul(s) / and listen, listen, listen ...[2], and ... 'Oh, what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood, Mikey?'[1], and ... COME ON - !!![2], and music saves![1], and ... 'Oh, what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood, Mikey?'[2], and I'll strum me guitar until the cows come home / and, oh, go away, cows![1], and music saves![2], and I'm not in bed with me dinner ...[1], and I'll strum me guitar until the cows come home / and, oh, go away, cows![2], and just look at the squares, barely alive ... / ... and, uh, please don't be like them[1], and I'm not in bed with me dinner ...[2], and let's do it again![1], and just look at the squares, barely alive ... / ... and, uh, please don't be like them[2], and Big Daddy said so ...[3], and let's do it again![2], and not Giant Haystacks, no / and he wouldn't say something like that[3], and don't worry about the winter, my kook(s), because we've got an endless summer in our hearts[3], and be alive forever![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, should be hot enough for you[3], and spinning keeps us so young ...[3], and look at the squares, all miserable, man, shivering in a corner of their dark rooms[3], and the sun shines within us![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and again, we must, we will, we are[3], and don't say no[3], and be HAPPY(!!!), please, yes, YOU(!), ha![3], and these words come from the cosmos, and go back, and we shouldn't care, and it's all fun, really[3], and smile a bit, too[3], and could you be loved? ... BECAUSE the cosmos loves YOU(!), yes, you know it's true[3], and I remember the pub, the cider, the bench, the fog, and the chocolate limes - and Cohen![3], and if you're feeling down, son, daughter, you better get up / and I won't tolerate sad faces[3], and get lively, ah, all DIZZY(!) in your mystic soul(s) / and listen, listen, listen ...[3], and ... COME ON - !!![3], and ... 'Oh, what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood, Mikey?'[3], and music saves![3], and I'll strum me guitar until the cows come home / and, oh, go away, cows![3], and I'm not in bed with me dinner ...[3], and just look at the squares, barely alive ... / ... and, uh, please don't be like them[3], and let's do it again![3], and

And Big Daddy said so ...[1], and not Giant Haystacks, no / and he wouldn't say something like that[1], and Big Daddy said so ...[2], and don't worry about the winter, my kook(s), because we've got an endless summer in our hearts[1], and not Giant Haystacks, no / and he wouldn't say something like that[2], and be alive forever![1], and don't worry about the winter, my kook(s), because we've got an endless summer in our hearts[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, should be hot enough for you[1], and be alive forever![2], and spinning keeps us so young ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, should be hot enough for you[2], and look at the squares, all miserable, man, shivering in a corner of their dark rooms[1], and spinning keeps us so young ...[2], and the sun shines within us![1], and look at the squares, all miserable, man, shivering in a corner of their dark rooms[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and again, we must, we will, we are[1], and the sun shines within us![2], and don't say no[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and again, we must, we will, we are[2], and be HAPPY(!!!), please, yes, YOU(!), ha![1], and don't say no[2], and these words come from the cosmos, and go back, and we shouldn't care, and it's all fun, really[1], and be HAPPY(!!!), please, yes, YOU(!), ha![2], and smile a bit, too[1], and these words come from the cosmos, and go back, and we shouldn't care, and it's all fun, really[2], and could you be loved? ... BECAUSE the cosmos loves YOU(!), yes, you know it's true[1], and smile a bit, too[2], and I remember the pub, the cider, the bench, the fog, and the chocolate limes - and Cohen![1], and could you be loved? ... BECAUSE the cosmos loves YOU(!), yes, you know it's true[2], and if you're feeling down, son, daughter, you better get up / and I won't tolerate sad faces[1], and I remember the pub, the cider, the bench, the fog, and the chocolate limes - and Cohen![2], and get lively, ah, all DIZZY(!) in your mystic soul(s) / and listen, listen, listen ...[1], and if you're feeling down, son, daughter, you better get up / and I won't tolerate sad faces[2], and ... COME ON - !!![1], and get lively, ah, all DIZZY(!) in your mystic soul(s) / and listen, listen, listen ...[2], and ... 'Oh, what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood, Mikey?'[1], and ... COME ON - !!![2], and music saves![1], and ... 'Oh, what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood, Mikey?'[2], and I'll strum me guitar until the cows come home / and, oh, go away, cows![1], and music saves![2], and I'm not in bed with me dinner ...[1], and I'll strum me guitar until the cows come home / and, oh, go away, cows![2], and just look at the squares, barely alive ... / ... and, uh, please don't be like them[1], and I'm not in bed with me dinner ...[2], and let's do it again![1], and just look at the squares, barely alive ... / ... and, uh, please don't be like them[2], and Big Daddy said so ...[3], and let's do it again![2], and not Giant Haystacks, no / and he wouldn't say something like that[3], and don't worry about the winter, my kook(s), because we've got an endless summer in our hearts[3], and be alive forever![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, should be hot enough for you[3], and spinning keeps us so young ...[3], and look at the squares, all miserable, man, shivering in a corner of their dark rooms[3], and the sun shines within us![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and again, we must, we will, we are[3], and don't say no[3], and be HAPPY(!!!), please, yes, YOU(!), ha![3], and these words come from the cosmos, and go back, and we shouldn't care, and it's all fun, really[3], and smile a bit, too[3], and could you be loved? ... BECAUSE the cosmos loves YOU(!), yes, you know it's true[3], and I remember the pub, the cider, the bench, the fog, and the chocolate limes - and Cohen![3], and if you're feeling down, son, daughter, you better get up / and I won't tolerate sad faces[3], and get lively, ah, all DIZZY(!) in your mystic soul(s) / and listen, listen, listen ...[3], and ... COME ON - !!![3], and ... 'Oh, what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood, Mikey?'[3], and music saves![3], and I'll strum me guitar until the cows come home / and, oh, go away, cows![3], and I'm not in bed with me dinner ...[3], and just look at the squares, barely alive ... / ... and, uh, please don't be like them[3], and let's do it again![3], and