Thursday, 5 March 2015

City A.M. notices that productivity is weak

Which is nice. Yeah, have a look. Totally wrong about living standards though. They're not recovering at all. 'Maybe for them, boss.' Oh yes, maybe for them, Voice.

And I don't want to hear about any statistics, dear reader(s). Statistics, man, are bullshit - even from "respected" sources.

Why is productivity so weak? 'Why?! Oh, why?!' City A.M. seems to have no idea. I suggest it's because the millions of new jobs that have been created are ... (drum roll) ... bullshit jobs.

You see, my friend(s), we live in a land of bullshit statistics and bullshit jobs. And it will continue this way until we elect politicians who are not con merchants. 'Ha!' I know, Voice, I know ...

Oh God ... / Now, maybe if we had journalists who weren't in league with the politicians. I mean - 'Mikey, you live in a dream world, you do, son!' I know, I know ... I'm not right in the head, me.

...

Oh, at least there's the pub. I keep getting my migraines. But at least there's the pub. / I have so many sorrows to drink away. And not just mine. Everyone's! Tomorrow, I'll get drunk for the world's sorrows ... / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow!

[No. 298] I'm going to manage my own money

Just like Tom Purcell!

And I've got eighty pence burning a hole in my pocket / Man, I've got to put this money to work![1], and baked beans are looking good ...[1], and I've got eighty pence burning a hole in my pocket / Man, I've got to put this money to work![2], and it's a BIG DECISION: right pocket or left pocket?[1], and baked beans are looking good ...[2], and you've got to have a dream, son, and I can dream of ... (fool's) GOLD(!)[1], and it's a BIG DECISION: right pocket or left pocket?[2], and I would buy that house in Malibu ... if only I had more than eighty pence to my name[1], and you've got to have a dream, son, and I can dream of ... (fool's) GOLD(!)[2], and it must be a nightmare being Stevie Cohen - the man has more money than nonsense[1], and I would buy that house in Malibu ... if only I had more than eighty pence to my name[2], and I know there's a soup kitchen at the end of the rainbow ...[1], and it must be a nightmare being Stevie Cohen - the man has more money than nonsense[2], and under my mattress there ain't nothing but fleas![1], and I know there's a soup kitchen at the end of the rainbow ...[2], and yeah I've considered selling matches at the end of the street, but I don't like the hours in all weathers[1], and under my mattress there ain't nothing but fleas![2], and I don't care / I'm sure I'll be better off managing my consciousness high up on the mountain, just like Zarathustra![1], and yeah I've considered selling matches at the end of the street, but I don't like the hours in all weathers[2], and success? a man, London, loan, little handcart, newspapers, and now? NOTHING! still owes for the handcart[1], and I don't care / I'm sure I'll be better off managing my consciousness high up on the mountain, just like Zarathustra![2], and oh boy I remember the days of my childhood ... fruit salad chews, only half a pence each![1], and success? a man, London, loan, little handcart, newspapers, and now? NOTHING! still owes for the handcart[2], and how much is a Curly Wurly these days?[1], and oh boy I remember the days of my childhood ... fruit salad chews, only half a pence each![2], and I've got eighty pence burning a hole in my pocket / Man, I've got to put this money to work![3], and how much is a Curly Wurly these days?[2], and baked beans are looking good ...[3], and it's a BIG DECISION: right pocket or left pocket?[3], and you've got to have a dream, son, and I can dream of ... (fool's) GOLD(!)[3], and I would buy that house in Malibu ... if only I had more than eighty pence to my name[3], and it must be a nightmare being Stevie Cohen - the man has more money than nonsense[3], and I know there's a soup kitchen at the end of the rainbow ...[3], and under my mattress there ain't nothing but fleas![3], and yeah I've considered selling matches at the end of the street, but I don't like the hours in all weathers[3], and I don't care / I'm sure I'll be better off managing my consciousness high up on the mountain, just like Zarathustra![3], and success? a man, London, loan, little handcart, newspapers, and now? NOTHING! still owes for the handcart[3], and oh boy I remember the days of my childhood ... fruit salad chews, only half a pence each![3], and how much is a Curly Wurly these days?[3], and

And I've got eighty pence burning a hole in my pocket / Man, I've got to put this money to work![1], and baked beans are looking good ...[1], and I've got eighty pence burning a hole in my pocket / Man, I've got to put this money to work![2], and it's a BIG DECISION: right pocket or left pocket?[1], and baked beans are looking good ...[2], and you've got to have a dream, son, and I can dream of ... (fool's) GOLD(!)[1], and it's a BIG DECISION: right pocket or left pocket?[2], and I would buy that house in Malibu ... if only I had more than eighty pence to my name[1], and you've got to have a dream, son, and I can dream of ... (fool's) GOLD(!)[2], and it must be a nightmare being Stevie Cohen - the man has more money than nonsense[1], and I would buy that house in Malibu ... if only I had more than eighty pence to my name[2], and I know there's a soup kitchen at the end of the rainbow ...[1], and it must be a nightmare being Stevie Cohen - the man has more money than nonsense[2], and under my mattress there ain't nothing but fleas![1], and I know there's a soup kitchen at the end of the rainbow ...[2], and yeah I've considered selling matches at the end of the street, but I don't like the hours in all weathers[1], and under my mattress there ain't nothing but fleas![2], and I don't care / I'm sure I'll be better off managing my consciousness high up on the mountain, just like Zarathustra![1], and yeah I've considered selling matches at the end of the street, but I don't like the hours in all weathers[2], and success? a man, London, loan, little handcart, newspapers, and now? NOTHING! still owes for the handcart[1], and I don't care / I'm sure I'll be better off managing my consciousness high up on the mountain, just like Zarathustra![2], and oh boy I remember the days of my childhood ... fruit salad chews, only half a pence each![1], and success? a man, London, loan, little handcart, newspapers, and now? NOTHING! still owes for the handcart[2], and how much is a Curly Wurly these days?[1], and oh boy I remember the days of my childhood ... fruit salad chews, only half a pence each![2], and I've got eighty pence burning a hole in my pocket / Man, I've got to put this money to work![3], and how much is a Curly Wurly these days?[2], and baked beans are looking good ...[3], and it's a BIG DECISION: right pocket or left pocket?[3], and you've got to have a dream, son, and I can dream of ... (fool's) GOLD(!)[3], and I would buy that house in Malibu ... if only I had more than eighty pence to my name[3], and it must be a nightmare being Stevie Cohen - the man has more money than nonsense[3], and I know there's a soup kitchen at the end of the rainbow ...[3], and under my mattress there ain't nothing but fleas![3], and yeah I've considered selling matches at the end of the street, but I don't like the hours in all weathers[3], and I don't care / I'm sure I'll be better off managing my consciousness high up on the mountain, just like Zarathustra![3], and success? a man, London, loan, little handcart, newspapers, and now? NOTHING! still owes for the handcart[3], and oh boy I remember the days of my childhood ... fruit salad chews, only half a pence each![3], and how much is a Curly Wurly these days?[3], and

And I've got eighty pence burning a hole in my pocket / Man, I've got to put this money to work![1], and baked beans are looking good ...[1], and I've got eighty pence burning a hole in my pocket / Man, I've got to put this money to work![2], and it's a BIG DECISION: right pocket or left pocket?[1], and baked beans are looking good ...[2], and you've got to have a dream, son, and I can dream of ... (fool's) GOLD(!)[1], and it's a BIG DECISION: right pocket or left pocket?[2], and I would buy that house in Malibu ... if only I had more than eighty pence to my name[1], and you've got to have a dream, son, and I can dream of ... (fool's) GOLD(!)[2], and it must be a nightmare being Stevie Cohen - the man has more money than nonsense[1], and I would buy that house in Malibu ... if only I had more than eighty pence to my name[2], and I know there's a soup kitchen at the end of the rainbow ...[1], and it must be a nightmare being Stevie Cohen - the man has more money than nonsense[2], and under my mattress there ain't nothing but fleas![1], and I know there's a soup kitchen at the end of the rainbow ...[2], and yeah I've considered selling matches at the end of the street, but I don't like the hours in all weathers[1], and under my mattress there ain't nothing but fleas![2], and I don't care / I'm sure I'll be better off managing my consciousness high up on the mountain, just like Zarathustra![1], and yeah I've considered selling matches at the end of the street, but I don't like the hours in all weathers[2], and success? a man, London, loan, little handcart, newspapers, and now? NOTHING! still owes for the handcart[1], and I don't care / I'm sure I'll be better off managing my consciousness high up on the mountain, just like Zarathustra![2], and oh boy I remember the days of my childhood ... fruit salad chews, only half a pence each![1], and success? a man, London, loan, little handcart, newspapers, and now? NOTHING! still owes for the handcart[2], and how much is a Curly Wurly these days?[1], and oh boy I remember the days of my childhood ... fruit salad chews, only half a pence each![2], and I've got eighty pence burning a hole in my pocket / Man, I've got to put this money to work![3], and how much is a Curly Wurly these days?[2], and baked beans are looking good ...[3], and it's a BIG DECISION: right pocket or left pocket?[3], and you've got to have a dream, son, and I can dream of ... (fool's) GOLD(!)[3], and I would buy that house in Malibu ... if only I had more than eighty pence to my name[3], and it must be a nightmare being Stevie Cohen - the man has more money than nonsense[3], and I know there's a soup kitchen at the end of the rainbow ...[3], and under my mattress there ain't nothing but fleas![3], and yeah I've considered selling matches at the end of the street, but I don't like the hours in all weathers[3], and I don't care / I'm sure I'll be better off managing my consciousness high up on the mountain, just like Zarathustra![3], and success? a man, London, loan, little handcart, newspapers, and now? NOTHING! still owes for the handcart[3], and oh boy I remember the days of my childhood ... fruit salad chews, only half a pence each![3], and how much is a Curly Wurly these days?[3], and

Tom Purcell doesn't want to be a Viking no more!

I don't blame him. I imagine it's a very stressful lifestyle. 'What's he going to do now, boss?' Tom's going to manage his own money, Voice. 'Really?' Yeah. Money he got from all the raids, I suppose. 'It sounds like a quieter life.' It certainly does, man. You're not going to get an axe in your head managing your own money, are you? 'No.' It's a smart move. Our Tom is no fool.

By the way, dear reader(s), I haven't seen a picture of Mr Purcell, and I don't want to see one, thank you very much. 'What are you worried about, boss?' I'm worried he looks like Kirk Douglas in that film. 'Ooh. Scary!' Exactly. It's too early in the morning for scary faces. I haven't had my lunch yet.

...

Music? I'm listening to the new Noel Gallagher album again, Chasing Yesterday. It's growing on me, despite the lyrics. / The guitar solo in Riverman sounds suspiciously like the solo Eric Clapton plays in Jeff Beck's concert at Ronnie Scott's, you know, the DVD. (You Need Love is the song.) 'Our Noel wouldn't steal it, would he, Mikey?' Of course he wouldn't, Voice! Mr Gallagher doesn't do that sort of thing! How can you even suggest it?!

Our Eric? I've been thinking about Mr Clapton. It's possible he's the greatest guitarist ever. Beck has more skill, Hendrix had more skill, but Clapton has beautiful, awesome tone and style. That means a lot in my book, man. So ... I don't know. Maybe.

...

Lunch? Er ...  cheese sandwich, crisps, yoghurt, can of Coke. / Oh, I've got to pack the Cokes in. I find it hard to believe that Warren Buffett drinks a whole case of the stuff every day.

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

[No. 297] Getting a-ROUND like Noel Gallagher

My way.

And ... what's your game, brother, sister?[1], and, me? ... /  I'm rolling along that road in the sunshine, watching my baby in the sky ... oh, she's so high![1], and ... what's your game, brother, sister?[2], and the rain won't say what the dead man knows in his soul[1], and, me? ... /  I'm rolling along that road in the sunshine, watching my baby in the sky ... oh, she's so high![2], and my heart is ... oh, something, but I don't care[1], and the rain won't say what the dead man knows in his soul[2], and YOU(!) ain't gonna drag me down / Yeah, you know I'm frying different fish, man![1], and my heart is ... oh, something, but I don't care[2], and I've found a way / and it's my way[1], and YOU(!) ain't gonna drag me down / Yeah, you know I'm frying different fish, man![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... we will have this again, and again, and again![1], and I've found a way / and it's my way[2], and the girl trapped in the big yellow balloon is calling me / and I'm singing a song to make her smile[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... we will have this again, and again, and again![2], and don't kill my dreams, man! / They're only in my mind ...[1], and the girl trapped in the big yellow balloon is calling me / and I'm singing a song to make her smile[2], and your lover has been dancing under the moon all night ... but what has gone you'll never change[1], and don't kill my dreams, man! / They're only in my mind ...[2], and I know, and you know, and everyone knows ... we're all running through that door![1], and your lover has been dancing under the moon all night ... but what has gone you'll never change[2], and the angry people want the gold the joker hid in the storm[1], and I know, and you know, and everyone knows ... we're all running through that door![2], and nobody can tell you the way you're gonna shine ... / and you know your mind will burn at dawn ...[1], and the angry people want the gold the joker hid in the storm[2], and I believe THE TIME(!) has come / oh, get out of here if you can't find THE KEY(!)[1], and nobody can tell you the way you're gonna shine ... / and you know your mind will burn at dawn ...[2], and the fool can't touch what the wise man has made with his own hands[1], and I believe THE TIME(!) has come / oh, get out of here if you can't find THE KEY(!)[2], and you've got to kiss the stars, child ... cos you're living in a world that won't turn forever[1], and the fool can't touch what the wise man has made with his own hands[2], and I'm still here ...[1], and you've got to kiss the stars, child ... cos you're living in a world that won't turn forever[2], and ... what's your game, brother, sister?[3], and I'm still here ...[2], and, me? ... /  I'm rolling along that road in the sunshine, watching my baby in the sky ... oh, she's so high![3], and the rain won't say what the dead man knows in his soul[3], and my heart is ... oh, something, but I don't care[3], and YOU(!) ain't gonna drag me down / Yeah, you know I'm frying different fish, man![3], and I've found a way / and it's my way[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... we will have this again, and again, and again![3], and the girl trapped in the big yellow balloon is calling me / and I'm singing a song to make her smile[3], and don't kill my dreams, man! / They're only in my mind ...[3], and your lover has been dancing under the moon all night ... but what has gone you'll never change[3], and I know, and you know, and everyone knows ... we're all running through that door![3], and the angry people want the gold the joker hid in the storm[3], and nobody can tell you the way you're gonna shine ... / and you know your mind will burn at dawn ...[3], and I believe THE TIME(!) has come / oh, get out of here if you can't find THE KEY(!)[3], and the fool can't touch what the wise man has made with his own hands[3], and you've got to kiss the stars, child ... cos you're living in a world that won't turn forever[3], and I'm still here ...[3], and

And ... what's your game, brother, sister?[1], and, me? ... /  I'm rolling along that road in the sunshine, watching my baby in the sky ... oh, she's so high![1], and ... what's your game, brother, sister?[2], and the rain won't say what the dead man knows in his soul[1], and, me? ... /  I'm rolling along that road in the sunshine, watching my baby in the sky ... oh, she's so high![2], and my heart is ... oh, something, but I don't care[1], and the rain won't say what the dead man knows in his soul[2], and YOU(!) ain't gonna drag me down / Yeah, you know I'm frying different fish, man![1], and my heart is ... oh, something, but I don't care[2], and I've found a way / and it's my way[1], and YOU(!) ain't gonna drag me down / Yeah, you know I'm frying different fish, man![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... we will have this again, and again, and again![1], and I've found a way / and it's my way[2], and the girl trapped in the big yellow balloon is calling me / and I'm singing a song to make her smile[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... we will have this again, and again, and again![2], and don't kill my dreams, man! / They're only in my mind ...[1], and the girl trapped in the big yellow balloon is calling me / and I'm singing a song to make her smile[2], and your lover has been dancing under the moon all night ... but what has gone you'll never change[1], and don't kill my dreams, man! / They're only in my mind ...[2], and I know, and you know, and everyone knows ... we're all running through that door![1], and your lover has been dancing under the moon all night ... but what has gone you'll never change[2], and the angry people want the gold the joker hid in the storm[1], and I know, and you know, and everyone knows ... we're all running through that door![2], and nobody can tell you the way you're gonna shine ... / and you know your mind will burn at dawn ...[1], and the angry people want the gold the joker hid in the storm[2], and I believe THE TIME(!) has come / oh, get out of here if you can't find THE KEY(!)[1], and nobody can tell you the way you're gonna shine ... / and you know your mind will burn at dawn ...[2], and the fool can't touch what the wise man has made with his own hands[1], and I believe THE TIME(!) has come / oh, get out of here if you can't find THE KEY(!)[2], and you've got to kiss the stars, child ... cos you're living in a world that won't turn forever[1], and the fool can't touch what the wise man has made with his own hands[2], and I'm still here ...[1], and you've got to kiss the stars, child ... cos you're living in a world that won't turn forever[2], and ... what's your game, brother, sister?[3], and I'm still here ...[2], and, me? ... /  I'm rolling along that road in the sunshine, watching my baby in the sky ... oh, she's so high![3], and the rain won't say what the dead man knows in his soul[3], and my heart is ... oh, something, but I don't care[3], and YOU(!) ain't gonna drag me down / Yeah, you know I'm frying different fish, man![3], and I've found a way / and it's my way[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... we will have this again, and again, and again![3], and the girl trapped in the big yellow balloon is calling me / and I'm singing a song to make her smile[3], and don't kill my dreams, man! / They're only in my mind ...[3], and your lover has been dancing under the moon all night ... but what has gone you'll never change[3], and I know, and you know, and everyone knows ... we're all running through that door![3], and the angry people want the gold the joker hid in the storm[3], and nobody can tell you the way you're gonna shine ... / and you know your mind will burn at dawn ...[3], and I believe THE TIME(!) has come / oh, get out of here if you can't find THE KEY(!)[3], and the fool can't touch what the wise man has made with his own hands[3], and you've got to kiss the stars, child ... cos you're living in a world that won't turn forever[3], and I'm still here ...[3], and

And ... what's your game, brother, sister?[1], and, me? ... /  I'm rolling along that road in the sunshine, watching my baby in the sky ... oh, she's so high![1], and ... what's your game, brother, sister?[2], and the rain won't say what the dead man knows in his soul[1], and, me? ... /  I'm rolling along that road in the sunshine, watching my baby in the sky ... oh, she's so high![2], and my heart is ... oh, something, but I don't care[1], and the rain won't say what the dead man knows in his soul[2], and YOU(!) ain't gonna drag me down / Yeah, you know I'm frying different fish, man![1], and my heart is ... oh, something, but I don't care[2], and I've found a way / and it's my way[1], and YOU(!) ain't gonna drag me down / Yeah, you know I'm frying different fish, man![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... we will have this again, and again, and again![1], and I've found a way / and it's my way[2], and the girl trapped in the big yellow balloon is calling me / and I'm singing a song to make her smile[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... we will have this again, and again, and again![2], and don't kill my dreams, man! / They're only in my mind ...[1], and the girl trapped in the big yellow balloon is calling me / and I'm singing a song to make her smile[2], and your lover has been dancing under the moon all night ... but what has gone you'll never change[1], and don't kill my dreams, man! / They're only in my mind ...[2], and I know, and you know, and everyone knows ... we're all running through that door![1], and your lover has been dancing under the moon all night ... but what has gone you'll never change[2], and the angry people want the gold the joker hid in the storm[1], and I know, and you know, and everyone knows ... we're all running through that door![2], and nobody can tell you the way you're gonna shine ... / and you know your mind will burn at dawn ...[1], and the angry people want the gold the joker hid in the storm[2], and I believe THE TIME(!) has come / oh, get out of here if you can't find THE KEY(!)[1], and nobody can tell you the way you're gonna shine ... / and you know your mind will burn at dawn ...[2], and the fool can't touch what the wise man has made with his own hands[1], and I believe THE TIME(!) has come / oh, get out of here if you can't find THE KEY(!)[2], and you've got to kiss the stars, child ... cos you're living in a world that won't turn forever[1], and the fool can't touch what the wise man has made with his own hands[2], and I'm still here ...[1], and you've got to kiss the stars, child ... cos you're living in a world that won't turn forever[2], and ... what's your game, brother, sister?[3], and I'm still here ...[2], and, me? ... /  I'm rolling along that road in the sunshine, watching my baby in the sky ... oh, she's so high![3], and the rain won't say what the dead man knows in his soul[3], and my heart is ... oh, something, but I don't care[3], and YOU(!) ain't gonna drag me down / Yeah, you know I'm frying different fish, man![3], and I've found a way / and it's my way[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... we will have this again, and again, and again![3], and the girl trapped in the big yellow balloon is calling me / and I'm singing a song to make her smile[3], and don't kill my dreams, man! / They're only in my mind ...[3], and your lover has been dancing under the moon all night ... but what has gone you'll never change[3], and I know, and you know, and everyone knows ... we're all running through that door![3], and the angry people want the gold the joker hid in the storm[3], and nobody can tell you the way you're gonna shine ... / and you know your mind will burn at dawn ...[3], and I believe THE TIME(!) has come / oh, get out of here if you can't find THE KEY(!)[3], and the fool can't touch what the wise man has made with his own hands[3], and you've got to kiss the stars, child ... cos you're living in a world that won't turn forever[3], and I'm still here ...[3], and

Old Mutual Wealth has bought Quilter Cheviot!

This is completely shocking! (Well, to me, anyway.) In this day and age you can't ... I mean, how is this even acceptable? You can't buy a human being! This is the twenty-first century, man! It's outrageous! / I think Quilter Cheviot is an American. He sounds American. (They all have funny names, don't they?) I've been trying to contact him, but no luck so far. 'Have you looked at his LinkedIn profile, boss?' I don't think he has one, Voice. 'Oh no. Maybe Old Mutual Wealth has deleted it. They probably don't want anyone interfering. You know, helping him and that. Poor Mr Cheviot!'

The evil that men do ... / Oh, you won't believe this statement, dear reader(s): "The acquisition of Quilter Cheviot is an important step in delivering a complete set of solutions to meet the wide ranging needs of advisers and clients." I'm almost speechless ... 'Who the fuck said that, Mikey?!' Hang on ... Paul Feeney, the chief executive of Old Mutual Wealth. 'Christ!' Yeah. The man is clearly a lunatic, Voice.

The world is a big sewer ... / The problem, as I see it, is that these financial firms just have so much power these days. They think they can do what they want. Morality has gone out the window! 'Was it ever in the window, Mikey?' Er ... you can't be in a window, man. You can be in a room, and then go out through the window, I suppose. Is that what you meant? 'Yeah. Was morality ever in the room and ... looking out through the window, and thinking to itself, I'd like to go out through the window - ?' Well, that's some question, Voice. (What room are we talking about? And you can be in a window, I think.) And I'll be honest with you and my readers, I really don't know ...

This is getting confusing. It's just a stupid phrase that people use. I don't want to get sidetracked, reader(s). Our thoughts should be with poor Mr Cheviot. Old Quilty ...

My only consolation? I have a cheese sandwich for lunch, and crisps, yoghurt, Coke. Yeah, yeah, yeah ... I'll let everything else just fucking fade from my mind, you dig? Man, I'm getting rid of grief! I want to look after number one. 'Me?!' Ha!


[Obviously, Quilter Cheviot is a firm. However, maybe it can be argued that Old Mutual Wealth has bought Quilter Cheviot's employees - ? I don't know, son (daughter). All I can say is, my blog works on many different levels of meaning, satire, and grim humour. The world is a fucked up place, my friend(s). Admit the part you are playing in it! Yes, YOU(!) are involved. You are partly to blame. / Personally, I like to think of myself as a fucked up person. I live in the world, so why shouldn't I be fucked up? (Look at yourself! Know thyself!) The only people who aren't fucked up are those hermit monk types that live in caves. 'Is that true?' NO! I'm sure they have their problems, too, you dig? I mean, why did they want to run away from everything and cut themselves off like Zarathustra? What exactly is their problem?! 'Damn it!' Even that sort are in the world, somewhere, suffering and causing others to suffer by being so aloof. Just knowing about them makes me fucking sick!]

Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Guy Dunham at Barings

I've found another one! (How many are there?) Another poor soul who thinks he works at Barings Bank. It's just so depressing, man. How can they delude themselves?

And it gets worse. The bank has got a new strategic bond fund now, and our Guy is managing it with yet another mug, Richard Balfour. Christ! Come on, guys, if you're reading this. There ain't no Barings Bank no more. It went out of business in 1995! Yeah, twenty whole years ago. And yet you believe you're working for the bank. It's so pathetic. You're wasting your lives! I'm sure you're talented chaps. There must be loads of real firms, banks and funds, that would love to employ you.

Guy, Dickie, here's my suggestion: Start sending your CVs out today, yeah? Engage with the real world. Get involved with life ... as it is lived today. Don't go chasing ghosts and shadows. Because it will all end in tears, maybe even a padded cell. / Oh, a tip: You better remove Barings Bank from your CVs. It won't look good to future employers, believe me. So, Mr Dunham, you work for a bank that collapsed in 1995. Are you fucking sick in the head, son?! You get me? Just say you've been travelling or something.

...

Anything else? I'm listening to Noel Gallagher's new album, Chasing Yesterday. (He doesn't work at Barings though.) Er ... it's very good from a melodic/musical point of view, but the lyrics are as dodgy as ever. You know ... Reach for the sky, your baby will fly, my heart is cracking, while I'm walking down the road, in the burning rain, I will see you again. That sort of thing. I reckon Noel needs to take a risk, an emotional risk, and start writing about personal stuff. Because these lyrics of his aren't related to anything.

I bought the Nightcrawler DVD yesterday. (I saw it in the cinema.) How this film didn't win any Oscars I'll never know. I'm not even sure it was nominated for anything. The problem is, the film tells, or rather shows, the TRUTH(!) about capitalism and the media. And that's a big fucking no-no, as we all know, know. / Also, the hero of Nightcrawler, Lou Bloom, is an existential outsider - not something your average Oscars voter will have a goddamn clue about.

Did you see Dispatches last night, dear reader(s), on benefit sanctions? People are dying, committing suicide. But who cares, eh? There's an economic recovery in the UK!

...

I'm tired of this world ... / I may be an existential outsider, but I'm not like Lou Bloom. The man has no humanity, just like so many insiders, so ... / My guitar will be gently weeping later ...

[Oh, I didn't record Sunday. Couldn't face it, you dig? Nerves and that. I'll try again this coming Sunday.]

Monday, 2 March 2015

Who is Stephen Mitchell at Jupiter?

Yeah, yeah ... / Ha! It's a bit early in the morning, and early in the day, and, er, early in the week, and, oh God, early in the month, and ... for asking who people are!!! However, I'm in a perverse mood. So why not? You only live millions of times. We'll have to do this again, and again, and again. Over, and over, and over. Er ... a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND. It's bad karma, man!

On his LinkedIn profile, our Stephen says that he's head of global equities and strategy at Jupiter Asset Management. (Do you want to believe him? Do you?! And do you want to put your trust in LinkedIn?! Oh, it's your funeral, dear reader(s))[?!!!]!) There is a bit of confusion though. (A lot!) Our Stephen says he's been at the firm for three months. Others, in the know, say one month. (This is the problem. Who do you trust?) Never mind ... I find it hard to trust.

Well, well ... / The Jupiter Global Managed fund? That's Stephen's fund now. I can only wish him the best of luck. (Lucky man! This is me, by the way, in the brackets.) I'm sure he knows what he's doing. (Am I sure?) The other Stephen, my mate Stephen, yeah, Stephen Pearson, says: "Stephen's appointment as - oh, er, the other Stephen, I'm not talking about myself, that would be nuts, man - yeah, head of the global equity strategy marks an important step for Jupiter in addressing this market. Stephen's experience - not mine, I don't mean mine, Christ, I shouldn't have to explain this shit - well, er, proven investment process combined with ... something. It doesn't matter, son."

No, I don't know who he was speaking to, and maybe still is. Does it matter? ('No, Mikey!' Good morning, Voice. You're late. 'My alarm clock didn't go off.' Right. 'When are you going to start paying me?' Shut it!) I just pick these things out of the air, like magic.

Of course, well ... it goes without saying that Stephen Mitchell ain't no financial shaman. If he were one, I would know all about him, wouldn't I? No, he's just a stranger. And not a good stranger. Not a stranger in a strange land. Oh, he's not alienated. You get me? 'I get you, boss!' Thanks, man.

And that's your Monday news. I don't think it was too painful. We got there in the end.

Thursday, 26 February 2015

Stevie Cohen made $1.3 billion in 2014!

That's all right, ain't it? I mean, some people, like me, would be happy to earn that much, in say, five years. I think Stevie's done brilliantly to make it in one year.

...

Oh, I'm exhausted. That's enough finance. End of the week and all that. Pub tomorrow, unless I get one of my migraines.

Music news? Madonna fell off the stage last night at the Brits, didn't she? Oh, it's a real shame. Unfortunately, as you get older, you know ... these things happen. I wonder if there's a care home for old pop stars. (There should be. I know old actors go to such places.) But who's going to tell her?

Ed Sheeran won best album. Well, well ... I think he's a good guitar player. I'll say that for him. And a good performer. I'm not crazy about his music though.

My music?! All right. I'll see what I can do this Sunday. I'm not making any promises. It all depends, man ... the mood I'm in, yeah? And I won't want to record if there are a few good films on, like last Sunday. Er ... Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, War Games, and Top Gun. You can't beat that shit.

Well, laters, dear reader(s). Have a nice weekend.

[No. 296] Maybe Jeff Urwin and his sort are utterly unreal

Who knows?

And it's always three o'clock in the morning in my soul a-ROUND here time is NOTHING(!)[1], and, or, er, uh ... somewhere in the world![1], and it's always three o'clock in the morning in my soul a-ROUND here time is NOTHING(!)[2], and ... why should I care?[1], and, or, er, uh ... somewhere in the world![2], and guys like Jeff Urwin don't bother me when I'm at my best in the glorious light of day[1], and ... why should I care?[2], and a-ROUND we go, we don't feel the pain ... oh, lost in dreams, and lost ... in meaningless language[1], and guys like Jeff Urwin don't bother me when I'm at my best in the glorious light of day[2], and God gives us light / and the devil gives us ...[1], and a-ROUND we go, we don't feel the pain ... oh, lost in dreams, and lost ... in meaningless language[2], and one banker, one hedgie ... all the same ... millions of souls, will they ever learn?[1], and God gives us light / and the devil gives us ...[2], and I don't wanna be no fucking guru teacher, you dig?[1], and one banker, one hedgie ... all the same ... millions of souls, will they ever learn?[2], and I know I shouldn't cry bitter tears worrying about this shit ... not when my Telecaster is waiting for me![1], and I don't wanna be no fucking guru teacher, you dig?[2], and you've got to be fierce in the head like Miles Davis to get through the BAD TIMES people create for you[1], and I know I shouldn't cry bitter tears worrying about this shit ... not when my Telecaster is waiting for me![2], and REALITY is what YOU(!) make it / How DIZZY(!) are you, my friend(s)?[1], and you've got to be fierce in the head like Miles Davis to get through the BAD TIMES people create for you[2], and ... oh boy, I know my words are real[1], and REALITY is what YOU(!) make it / How DIZZY(!) are you, my friend(s)?[2], and are YOU(!) ... looking for the easy answers to your absurd and hellish questions?[1], and ... oh boy, I know my words are real[2], and ... / I AM NUMBER ONE!!! / looking after myself ...[1], and are YOU(!) ... looking for the easy answers to your absurd and hellish questions?[2], and I know ... I'll be FREE(!)[1], and ... / I AM NUMBER ONE!!! / looking after myself ...[2], and it's always three o'clock in the morning in my soul a-ROUND here time is NOTHING(!)[3], and I know ... I'll be FREE(!)[2], and, or, er, uh ... somewhere in the world![3], and ... why should I care?[3], and guys like Jeff Urwin don't bother me when I'm at my best in the glorious light of day[3], and a-ROUND we go, we don't feel the pain ... oh, lost in dreams, and lost ... in meaningless language[3], and God gives us light / and the devil gives us ...[3], and one banker, one hedgie ... all the same ... millions of souls, will they ever learn?[3], and I don't wanna be no fucking guru teacher, you dig?[3], and I know I shouldn't cry bitter tears worrying about this shit ... not when my Telecaster is waiting for me![3], and you've got to be fierce in the head like Miles Davis to get through the BAD TIMES people create for you[3], and REALITY is what YOU(!) make it / How DIZZY(!) are you, my friend(s)?[3], and ... oh boy, I know my words are real[3], and are YOU(!) ... looking for the easy answers to your absurd and hellish questions?[3], and ... / I AM NUMBER ONE!!! / looking after myself ...[3], and I know ... I'll be FREE(!)[3], and

And it's always three o'clock in the morning in my soul a-ROUND here time is NOTHING(!)[1], and, or, er, uh ... somewhere in the world![1], and it's always three o'clock in the morning in my soul a-ROUND here time is NOTHING(!)[2], and ... why should I care?[1], and, or, er, uh ... somewhere in the world![2], and guys like Jeff Urwin don't bother me when I'm at my best in the glorious light of day[1], and ... why should I care?[2], and a-ROUND we go, we don't feel the pain ... oh, lost in dreams, and lost ... in meaningless language[1], and guys like Jeff Urwin don't bother me when I'm at my best in the glorious light of day[2], and God gives us light / and the devil gives us ...[1], and a-ROUND we go, we don't feel the pain ... oh, lost in dreams, and lost ... in meaningless language[2], and one banker, one hedgie ... all the same ... millions of souls, will they ever learn?[1], and God gives us light / and the devil gives us ...[2], and I don't wanna be no fucking guru teacher, you dig?[1], and one banker, one hedgie ... all the same ... millions of souls, will they ever learn?[2], and I know I shouldn't cry bitter tears worrying about this shit ... not when my Telecaster is waiting for me![1], and I don't wanna be no fucking guru teacher, you dig?[2], and you've got to be fierce in the head like Miles Davis to get through the BAD TIMES people create for you[1], and I know I shouldn't cry bitter tears worrying about this shit ... not when my Telecaster is waiting for me![2], and REALITY is what YOU(!) make it / How DIZZY(!) are you, my friend(s)?[1], and you've got to be fierce in the head like Miles Davis to get through the BAD TIMES people create for you[2], and ... oh boy, I know my words are real[1], and REALITY is what YOU(!) make it / How DIZZY(!) are you, my friend(s)?[2], and are YOU(!) ... looking for the easy answers to your absurd and hellish questions?[1], and ... oh boy, I know my words are real[2], and ... / I AM NUMBER ONE!!! / looking after myself ...[1], and are YOU(!) ... looking for the easy answers to your absurd and hellish questions?[2], and I know ... I'll be FREE(!)[1], and ... / I AM NUMBER ONE!!! / looking after myself ...[2], and it's always three o'clock in the morning in my soul a-ROUND here time is NOTHING(!)[3], and I know ... I'll be FREE(!)[2], and, or, er, uh ... somewhere in the world![3], and ... why should I care?[3], and guys like Jeff Urwin don't bother me when I'm at my best in the glorious light of day[3], and a-ROUND we go, we don't feel the pain ... oh, lost in dreams, and lost ... in meaningless language[3], and God gives us light / and the devil gives us ...[3], and one banker, one hedgie ... all the same ... millions of souls, will they ever learn?[3], and I don't wanna be no fucking guru teacher, you dig?[3], and I know I shouldn't cry bitter tears worrying about this shit ... not when my Telecaster is waiting for me![3], and you've got to be fierce in the head like Miles Davis to get through the BAD TIMES people create for you[3], and REALITY is what YOU(!) make it / How DIZZY(!) are you, my friend(s)?[3], and ... oh boy, I know my words are real[3], and are YOU(!) ... looking for the easy answers to your absurd and hellish questions?[3], and ... / I AM NUMBER ONE!!! / looking after myself ...[3], and I know ... I'll be FREE(!)[3], and

And it's always three o'clock in the morning in my soul a-ROUND here time is NOTHING(!)[1], and, or, er, uh ... somewhere in the world![1], and it's always three o'clock in the morning in my soul a-ROUND here time is NOTHING(!)[2], and ... why should I care?[1], and, or, er, uh ... somewhere in the world![2], and guys like Jeff Urwin don't bother me when I'm at my best in the glorious light of day[1], and ... why should I care?[2], and a-ROUND we go, we don't feel the pain ... oh, lost in dreams, and lost ... in meaningless language[1], and guys like Jeff Urwin don't bother me when I'm at my best in the glorious light of day[2], and God gives us light / and the devil gives us ...[1], and a-ROUND we go, we don't feel the pain ... oh, lost in dreams, and lost ... in meaningless language[2], and one banker, one hedgie ... all the same ... millions of souls, will they ever learn?[1], and God gives us light / and the devil gives us ...[2], and I don't wanna be no fucking guru teacher, you dig?[1], and one banker, one hedgie ... all the same ... millions of souls, will they ever learn?[2], and I know I shouldn't cry bitter tears worrying about this shit ... not when my Telecaster is waiting for me![1], and I don't wanna be no fucking guru teacher, you dig?[2], and you've got to be fierce in the head like Miles Davis to get through the BAD TIMES people create for you[1], and I know I shouldn't cry bitter tears worrying about this shit ... not when my Telecaster is waiting for me![2], and REALITY is what YOU(!) make it / How DIZZY(!) are you, my friend(s)?[1], and you've got to be fierce in the head like Miles Davis to get through the BAD TIMES people create for you[2], and ... oh boy, I know my words are real[1], and REALITY is what YOU(!) make it / How DIZZY(!) are you, my friend(s)?[2], and are YOU(!) ... looking for the easy answers to your absurd and hellish questions?[1], and ... oh boy, I know my words are real[2], and ... / I AM NUMBER ONE!!! / looking after myself ...[1], and are YOU(!) ... looking for the easy answers to your absurd and hellish questions?[2], and I know ... I'll be FREE(!)[1], and ... / I AM NUMBER ONE!!! / looking after myself ...[2], and it's always three o'clock in the morning in my soul a-ROUND here time is NOTHING(!)[3], and I know ... I'll be FREE(!)[2], and, or, er, uh ... somewhere in the world![3], and ... why should I care?[3], and guys like Jeff Urwin don't bother me when I'm at my best in the glorious light of day[3], and a-ROUND we go, we don't feel the pain ... oh, lost in dreams, and lost ... in meaningless language[3], and God gives us light / and the devil gives us ...[3], and one banker, one hedgie ... all the same ... millions of souls, will they ever learn?[3], and I don't wanna be no fucking guru teacher, you dig?[3], and I know I shouldn't cry bitter tears worrying about this shit ... not when my Telecaster is waiting for me![3], and you've got to be fierce in the head like Miles Davis to get through the BAD TIMES people create for you[3], and REALITY is what YOU(!) make it / How DIZZY(!) are you, my friend(s)?[3], and ... oh boy, I know my words are real[3], and are YOU(!) ... looking for the easy answers to your absurd and hellish questions?[3], and ... / I AM NUMBER ONE!!! / looking after myself ...[3], and I know ... I'll be FREE(!)[3], and

Jeff Urwin is leaving JPMorgan for Deutsche Bank!

Why? Oh, why?! Oh, uh ... WHY?!?! / 'There's no need to get hysterical, boss. It's probably that expenses thing.' What expenses thing?! 'You know, that shit you covered about Michael Spencer and Chris McCoy at JPMorgan. The bank doesn't want anyone enjoying themselves any more.' Oh yeah, I forgot, Voice. If you want to work at JPMorgan now, dear reader(s), the most you can do with clients is watch TV, or listen to music ... and have a nice cup of tea and some biscuits. BUT(!) ... no restaurants and night clubs, and no lap dancing!

So, will Jeff Urwin have a better time of it at Deutsche? Oh, I don't know. I don't really know much about him, to be honest with YOU(!), dear reader(s). I couldn't find his LinkedIn profile, and Bloomberg was bloody useless. 'Prats!' Bloomberg just says he's head of global investment banking at JPMorgan (which isn't the whole story of his life at the bank, I'm sure). And nothing about his background or how much he earns. 'Christ. Amateurs!' And Bloomberg says: This person is connected to 0 board members in 0 different organizations across 2 different industries. 'Ha!' I mean, I mean ... what the fuck does that mean, eh?!

'What is Jeff going to be doing at Deutsche Bank, Mikey?' Well, yeah, he doesn't start until June. They reckon he's going to be co-head of corporate banking and securities and head of corporate finance. 'Who reckons?' Reuters. I don't know if we can trust them. Personally, I don't trust any news organization. Sometimes I wake up at three in the morning and ask myself: Do any of these people actually exist? You know, reader(s), all the bankers, all the hedgies ... are they really real?

Oh, enough of my nightmares, until later. / I'm staying positive, man. You see, I've got a luxury egg sandwich for lunch, and a small blackcurrant cheesecake. It's a rare event that I have both together, so ... I haven't got much to complain about, you dig?