Monday, 24 November 2014

George Soros has given Bill Gross $500 million!

That's all right, ain't it? / Why doesn't George give me some money? Bill doesn't even need it. But I do! I guess these guys all stick together. They're not going to give money to the likes of me. It's not fair.

'What would you do with the money, boss?' I'd buy some new guitars, Voice. 'Yeah, well, Mr Gross is going to invest the money. I'm sure George Soros wouldn't be handing his cash over if he thought Bill would be spending it on Stratocasters and shit.' Fair enough, man. (It's still not fair though.) / After all these years ... I should be rich by now. I've done enough for the financial community, haven't I? Where's my fucking reward?! 'You'll get your reward in heaven, Mikey.' Oh, great. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that.

...

Christ. It's too early in the week for finance. And it's too early in the day. A Monday of all days! And in winter! / All you need to know, dear reader(s), is that there is no hope. Not just for me, but for you as well. Bad times are coming ... (I've been reading The Guardian again, I'm afraid.)

Music? I'm listening to Plan B, The Defamation of Strickland Banks. Whoever he is. Not exactly Ziggy Stardust, but never mind.

...

Consistency is what we need! CONSISTENCY!!! 'Eh?! What are you going on about now?' I was flicking through that Marco Pierre White book at the weekend. You know, his autobiography. 'Oh yeah.' Well, he says that without consistency he wouldn't have moved up from two Michelin stars to three. He says there's more chance of losing a star. 'Oh. And?' Well, for the last three months I've been consistently playing my guitar for more than twenty hours a week. Not once have I gone below it! NOT ONCE!!! And I can see the improvement in my playing, man. The next thing, I suppose, is to increase my playing to five hours a day - which will be far more difficult, not because of lack of desire, but just, you know, finding the spare time. 'Stop sleeping, Mikey!' Well, that's what I'm thinking, Voice. 'Yeah. Sleeping is for mugs, boss. Slags!'

...

Music? I'm going to put something else on. 'Cream?' No, I've been listening to them too much lately. The Police, Voice? Ghost in the Machine. Yeah, I'll give it a go. 'No!' Just let me listen to Invisible Sun. 'All right. That's a good song.'

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Neil Phillips has left BlueBay Asset Management!

Well, well ... / Last Thursday it was BlueCrest, this Thursday it's BlueBay. What will it be next Thursday? 'I think you're running out of blue firms, boss.' Yeah, it's a sad time. Never mind. Life goes on!

Anyway, this Neil character. He wants to start his own hedge fund. 'Oh, not another one! Why are these fund managers so ambitious, Mikey?' I don't know, Voice. I mean, half these funds fail. It's not the easy option, is it? 'No. / What is Neil's fund going to be called?' It doesn't have a name yet. 'Oh dear. / When is he going to launch it?' Er, next August, I think, at the earliest. 'Oh dear oh dear! / I hope this isn't another classic case of pie in the sky.' Give him a chance, man. Bloody hell! Neil has only just resigned from BlueBay. / By the way, dear reader(s), BlueBay is shutting his Global Macro fund and returning money to investors. 'Why, for God's sake?!' Oh, I don't know. Spite? Bitterness? It seems they want to erase all traces of Neil. 'Ha! Like burning an old lover's letters!' Yeah. Something like that.

...

Anything else? Pub tomorrow. / Well ... music? I'm listening to Cream again. I absolutely love Clapton's solo at the end of White Room. Also, Crossroads (live) is brilliant all the way through. / Clapton has got to be the greatest living guitarist. There are other guitarists who are more technically skilled, but our Eric is just ... classy! / And we have to take into consideration his historical position as the man who more or less invented modern rock guitar playing a year or two before Hendrix arrived on the scene.

See you next week.

[No. 270] Austerity blues

We are kind of blue.

And this is ... PAIN(!)[1], and we don't need no trumpets to know how BLUE we are[1], and this is ... PAIN(!)[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Yes, I like the old riffs the best[1], and we don't need no trumpets to know how BLUE we are[2], and we know ... all the pain there is to know[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Yes, I like the old riffs the best[2], and if we can just spin and get a-ROUND hard enough ... we might find ourselves in another world[1], and we know ... all the pain there is to know[2], and ... / it's got to be a better world[1], and if we can just spin and get a-ROUND hard enough ... we might find ourselves in another world[2], and forget Miles Davis! / If Robert Johnson were here ... we'd really know the blues[1], and ... / it's got to be a better world[2], and ... / is your love in vain?[1], and forget Miles Davis! / If Robert Johnson were here ... we'd really know the blues[2], and there are hellhounds / and I've seen them! / ... / I've had terrible nightmares, you know ...[1], and ... / is your love in vain?[2], and one day, man ... we'll all be hungry, and we'll all go looking for food at Dave's house, or Liz's house[1], and there are hellhounds / and I've seen them! / ... / I've had terrible nightmares, you know ...[2], and where is the BRIGHT FUTURE we were promised?[1], and one day, man ... we'll all be hungry, and we'll all go looking for food at Dave's house, or Liz's house[2], and they say you've got to live and let die ... and you've got to give the Old Etonian ... EVERYTHING!!![1], and where is the BRIGHT FUTURE we were promised?[2], and guns, and roses[1], and they say you've got to live and let die ... and you've got to give the Old Etonian ... EVERYTHING!!![2], and ... Don't you cry tonight! / There's a heaven above you, baby ... GUITAR!!![1], and guns, and roses[2], and ... enough![1], and ... Don't you cry tonight! / There's a heaven above you, baby ... GUITAR!!![2], and this is ... PAIN(!)[3], and ... enough![2], and we don't need no trumpets to know how BLUE we are[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Yes, I like the old riffs the best[3], and we know ... all the pain there is to know[3], and if we can just spin and get a-ROUND hard enough ... we might find ourselves in another world[3], and ... / it's got to be a better world[3], and forget Miles Davis! / If Robert Johnson were here ... we'd really know the blues[3], and ... / is your love in vain?[3], and there are hellhounds / and I've seen them! / ... / I've had terrible nightmares, you know ...[3], and one day, man ... we'll all be hungry, and we'll all go looking for food at Dave's house, or Liz's house[3], and where is the BRIGHT FUTURE we were promised?[3], and they say you've got to live and let die ... and you've got to give the Old Etonian ... EVERYTHING!!![3], and guns, and roses[3], and ... Don't you cry tonight! / There's a heaven above you, baby ... GUITAR!!![3], and ... enough![3], and

And this is ... PAIN(!)[1], and we don't need no trumpets to know how BLUE we are[1], and this is ... PAIN(!)[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Yes, I like the old riffs the best[1], and we don't need no trumpets to know how BLUE we are[2], and we know ... all the pain there is to know[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Yes, I like the old riffs the best[2], and if we can just spin and get a-ROUND hard enough ... we might find ourselves in another world[1], and we know ... all the pain there is to know[2], and ... / it's got to be a better world[1], and if we can just spin and get a-ROUND hard enough ... we might find ourselves in another world[2], and forget Miles Davis! / If Robert Johnson were here ... we'd really know the blues[1], and ... / it's got to be a better world[2], and ... / is your love in vain?[1], and forget Miles Davis! / If Robert Johnson were here ... we'd really know the blues[2], and there are hellhounds / and I've seen them! / ... / I've had terrible nightmares, you know ...[1], and ... / is your love in vain?[2], and one day, man ... we'll all be hungry, and we'll all go looking for food at Dave's house, or Liz's house[1], and there are hellhounds / and I've seen them! / ... / I've had terrible nightmares, you know ...[2], and where is the BRIGHT FUTURE we were promised?[1], and one day, man ... we'll all be hungry, and we'll all go looking for food at Dave's house, or Liz's house[2], and they say you've got to live and let die ... and you've got to give the Old Etonian ... EVERYTHING!!![1], and where is the BRIGHT FUTURE we were promised?[2], and guns, and roses[1], and they say you've got to live and let die ... and you've got to give the Old Etonian ... EVERYTHING!!![2], and ... Don't you cry tonight! / There's a heaven above you, baby ... GUITAR!!![1], and guns, and roses[2], and ... enough![1], and ... Don't you cry tonight! / There's a heaven above you, baby ... GUITAR!!![2], and this is ... PAIN(!)[3], and ... enough![2], and we don't need no trumpets to know how BLUE we are[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Yes, I like the old riffs the best[3], and we know ... all the pain there is to know[3], and if we can just spin and get a-ROUND hard enough ... we might find ourselves in another world[3], and ... / it's got to be a better world[3], and forget Miles Davis! / If Robert Johnson were here ... we'd really know the blues[3], and ... / is your love in vain?[3], and there are hellhounds / and I've seen them! / ... / I've had terrible nightmares, you know ...[3], and one day, man ... we'll all be hungry, and we'll all go looking for food at Dave's house, or Liz's house[3], and where is the BRIGHT FUTURE we were promised?[3], and they say you've got to live and let die ... and you've got to give the Old Etonian ... EVERYTHING!!![3], and guns, and roses[3], and ... Don't you cry tonight! / There's a heaven above you, baby ... GUITAR!!![3], and ... enough![3], and

And this is ... PAIN(!)[1], and we don't need no trumpets to know how BLUE we are[1], and this is ... PAIN(!)[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Yes, I like the old riffs the best[1], and we don't need no trumpets to know how BLUE we are[2], and we know ... all the pain there is to know[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Yes, I like the old riffs the best[2], and if we can just spin and get a-ROUND hard enough ... we might find ourselves in another world[1], and we know ... all the pain there is to know[2], and ... / it's got to be a better world[1], and if we can just spin and get a-ROUND hard enough ... we might find ourselves in another world[2], and forget Miles Davis! / If Robert Johnson were here ... we'd really know the blues[1], and ... / it's got to be a better world[2], and ... / is your love in vain?[1], and forget Miles Davis! / If Robert Johnson were here ... we'd really know the blues[2], and there are hellhounds / and I've seen them! / ... / I've had terrible nightmares, you know ...[1], and ... / is your love in vain?[2], and one day, man ... we'll all be hungry, and we'll all go looking for food at Dave's house, or Liz's house[1], and there are hellhounds / and I've seen them! / ... / I've had terrible nightmares, you know ...[2], and where is the BRIGHT FUTURE we were promised?[1], and one day, man ... we'll all be hungry, and we'll all go looking for food at Dave's house, or Liz's house[2], and they say you've got to live and let die ... and you've got to give the Old Etonian ... EVERYTHING!!![1], and where is the BRIGHT FUTURE we were promised?[2], and guns, and roses[1], and they say you've got to live and let die ... and you've got to give the Old Etonian ... EVERYTHING!!![2], and ... Don't you cry tonight! / There's a heaven above you, baby ... GUITAR!!![1], and guns, and roses[2], and ... enough![1], and ... Don't you cry tonight! / There's a heaven above you, baby ... GUITAR!!![2], and this is ... PAIN(!)[3], and ... enough![2], and we don't need no trumpets to know how BLUE we are[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Yes, I like the old riffs the best[3], and we know ... all the pain there is to know[3], and if we can just spin and get a-ROUND hard enough ... we might find ourselves in another world[3], and ... / it's got to be a better world[3], and forget Miles Davis! / If Robert Johnson were here ... we'd really know the blues[3], and ... / is your love in vain?[3], and there are hellhounds / and I've seen them! / ... / I've had terrible nightmares, you know ...[3], and one day, man ... we'll all be hungry, and we'll all go looking for food at Dave's house, or Liz's house[3], and where is the BRIGHT FUTURE we were promised?[3], and they say you've got to live and let die ... and you've got to give the Old Etonian ... EVERYTHING!!![3], and guns, and roses[3], and ... Don't you cry tonight! / There's a heaven above you, baby ... GUITAR!!![3], and ... enough![3], and

What on earth is Twelve Lions Capital?!

I was going to call this post, Who on earth is Marc Schneider?! ... but I'm always doing that sort of thing. "Who is he?"/"Who is she?" It gets boring, man. 'So you decided to go with, What on earth is Twelve Lions Capital?!' Yeah. 'You're getting adventurous in your old age, boss.' / Well, Twelve Lions Capital is a new hedge founded by ... 'Er, let me guess, er ... Marc ... Marc, someone, er ... Marc Schneider!' Yes! Congratulations, Voice. 'Do I win a prize?' No. 'Oh.' Prize?! Ha! Am I made of fucking money?

...

Oh, a great article by Seumas Milne here, on austerity. 'What about the hedge fund?!' It hasn't launched yet, man. It's still pie in the sky, even if it does have a name. And I ain't got nothing else to say about it. Well, it's all distressed debt stuff. That should satisfy my readers. 'Really?' Voice, they come here for the rock and roll these days. I'm attracting a new crowd. 'Whatever. / Nice article by Seumas!' Oh yeah. Big time. Why don't we see writing like this in the financial papers and websites? 'Because they're all working for the 1 per cent.' Christ! Not those 1 per cent bastards again! Something's got to be done about them. 'What do you have in mind?' REVOLUTION!!!

...

No, I don't want revolution, man. Like Lennon, you can count me in, and you can count me out. I'm confused. Besides, I need the capitalist system to stay intact to support my next career as international superstar and man of rock!

However, there's one thing I do know: things will be different in the afterlife.

...

Lunch? What is it with you people?! It's none of your business what I'm having for lunch. 'Tell them about the luxury egg sandwich, Mikey.' NO!!!

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

[No. 269] Frank Cahill will be all right

There's another world ... and a cosmos!

And here ... he is[1], and we don't need no chat rooms, man / We're getting DIZZY all a-ROUND, and life couldn't be better[1], and here ... he is[2], and here ... we are, mystic kooks together, forever[1], and we don't need no chat rooms, man / We're getting DIZZY all a-ROUND, and life couldn't be better[2], and Frankie's got the right idea[1], and here ... we are, mystic kooks together, forever[2], and I love it when a banker, trader, hedgie, whatever, says: "I ain't gonna be a SLAVE(!) no more, man"[1], and Frankie's got the right idea[2], and finance is a disease, and I'm the cure![1], and I love it when a banker, trader, hedgie, whatever, says: "I ain't gonna be a SLAVE(!) no more, man"[2], and our Frankie don't need no HSBC, and no Goldman - not a-ROUND here in our REALITY of pure love![1], and finance is a disease, and I'm the cure![2], and feel it, yeah?[1], and our Frankie don't need no HSBC, and no Goldman - not a-ROUND here in our REALITY of pure love![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... is ... the only WAY(!)[1], and feel it, yeah?[2], and no one judges YOU(!) when you're DIZZY / Well, no one that matters, anyway[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... is ... the only WAY(!)[2], and the killers who would love to kill our love ... can't touch us ... as long as we keep believing[1], and no one judges YOU(!) when you're DIZZY / Well, no one that matters, anyway[2], and it's all DARKNESS and LIGHT / and we want more light, surely?[1], and the killers who would love to kill our love ... can't touch us ... as long as we keep believing[2], and the world of fools is not our world[1], and it's all DARKNESS and LIGHT / and we want more light, surely?[2], and out, out there in the COSMOS ... there are different fish beyond our wildest dreams![1], and the world of fools is not our world[2], and so ... let's get DIZZY and stay DIZZY, my mad spinner(s), children of the old desert![1], and out, out there in the COSMOS ... there are different fish beyond our wildest dreams![2], and ... one day, squares will ask: "Who were these people?" / and we'll be smiling, somewhere over the THREE ... gone![1], and so ... let's get DIZZY and stay DIZZY, my mad spinner(s), children of the old desert![2], and Frankie, son, it's a LIFE(!) without pain, you dig?[1], and ... one day, squares will ask: "Who were these people?" / and we'll be smiling, somewhere over the THREE ... gone![2], and here ... he is[3], and Frankie, son, it's a LIFE(!) without pain, you dig?[2], and we don't need no chat rooms, man / We're getting DIZZY all a-ROUND, and life couldn't be better[3], and here ... we are, mystic kooks together, forever[3], and Frankie's got the right idea[3], and I love it when a banker, trader, hedgie, whatever, says: "I ain't gonna be a SLAVE(!) no more, man"[3], and finance is a disease, and I'm the cure![3], and our Frankie don't need no HSBC, and no Goldman - not a-ROUND here in our REALITY of pure love![3], and feel it, yeah?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... is ... the only WAY(!)[3], and no one judges YOU(!) when you're DIZZY / Well, no one that matters, anyway[3], and the killers who would love to kill our love ... can't touch us ... as long as we keep believing[3], and it's all DARKNESS and LIGHT / and we want more light, surely?[3], and the world of fools is not our world[3], and out, out there in the COSMOS ... there are different fish beyond our wildest dreams![3], and so ... let's get DIZZY and stay DIZZY, my mad spinner(s), children of the old desert![3], and ... one day, squares will ask: "Who were these people?" / and we'll be smiling, somewhere over the THREE ... gone![3], and Frankie, son, it's a LIFE(!) without pain, you dig?[3], and

And here ... he is[1], and we don't need no chat rooms, man / We're getting DIZZY all a-ROUND, and life couldn't be better[1], and here ... he is[2], and here ... we are, mystic kooks together, forever[1], and we don't need no chat rooms, man / We're getting DIZZY all a-ROUND, and life couldn't be better[2], and Frankie's got the right idea[1], and here ... we are, mystic kooks together, forever[2], and I love it when a banker, trader, hedgie, whatever, says: "I ain't gonna be a SLAVE(!) no more, man"[1], and Frankie's got the right idea[2], and finance is a disease, and I'm the cure![1], and I love it when a banker, trader, hedgie, whatever, says: "I ain't gonna be a SLAVE(!) no more, man"[2], and our Frankie don't need no HSBC, and no Goldman - not a-ROUND here in our REALITY of pure love![1], and finance is a disease, and I'm the cure![2], and feel it, yeah?[1], and our Frankie don't need no HSBC, and no Goldman - not a-ROUND here in our REALITY of pure love![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... is ... the only WAY(!)[1], and feel it, yeah?[2], and no one judges YOU(!) when you're DIZZY / Well, no one that matters, anyway[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... is ... the only WAY(!)[2], and the killers who would love to kill our love ... can't touch us ... as long as we keep believing[1], and no one judges YOU(!) when you're DIZZY / Well, no one that matters, anyway[2], and it's all DARKNESS and LIGHT / and we want more light, surely?[1], and the killers who would love to kill our love ... can't touch us ... as long as we keep believing[2], and the world of fools is not our world[1], and it's all DARKNESS and LIGHT / and we want more light, surely?[2], and out, out there in the COSMOS ... there are different fish beyond our wildest dreams![1], and the world of fools is not our world[2], and so ... let's get DIZZY and stay DIZZY, my mad spinner(s), children of the old desert![1], and out, out there in the COSMOS ... there are different fish beyond our wildest dreams![2], and ... one day, squares will ask: "Who were these people?" / and we'll be smiling, somewhere over the THREE ... gone![1], and so ... let's get DIZZY and stay DIZZY, my mad spinner(s), children of the old desert![2], and Frankie, son, it's a LIFE(!) without pain, you dig?[1], and ... one day, squares will ask: "Who were these people?" / and we'll be smiling, somewhere over the THREE ... gone![2], and here ... he is[3], and Frankie, son, it's a LIFE(!) without pain, you dig?[2], and we don't need no chat rooms, man / We're getting DIZZY all a-ROUND, and life couldn't be better[3], and here ... we are, mystic kooks together, forever[3], and Frankie's got the right idea[3], and I love it when a banker, trader, hedgie, whatever, says: "I ain't gonna be a SLAVE(!) no more, man"[3], and finance is a disease, and I'm the cure![3], and our Frankie don't need no HSBC, and no Goldman - not a-ROUND here in our REALITY of pure love![3], and feel it, yeah?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... is ... the only WAY(!)[3], and no one judges YOU(!) when you're DIZZY / Well, no one that matters, anyway[3], and the killers who would love to kill our love ... can't touch us ... as long as we keep believing[3], and it's all DARKNESS and LIGHT / and we want more light, surely?[3], and the world of fools is not our world[3], and out, out there in the COSMOS ... there are different fish beyond our wildest dreams![3], and so ... let's get DIZZY and stay DIZZY, my mad spinner(s), children of the old desert![3], and ... one day, squares will ask: "Who were these people?" / and we'll be smiling, somewhere over the THREE ... gone![3], and Frankie, son, it's a LIFE(!) without pain, you dig?[3], and

And here ... he is[1], and we don't need no chat rooms, man / We're getting DIZZY all a-ROUND, and life couldn't be better[1], and here ... he is[2], and here ... we are, mystic kooks together, forever[1], and we don't need no chat rooms, man / We're getting DIZZY all a-ROUND, and life couldn't be better[2], and Frankie's got the right idea[1], and here ... we are, mystic kooks together, forever[2], and I love it when a banker, trader, hedgie, whatever, says: "I ain't gonna be a SLAVE(!) no more, man"[1], and Frankie's got the right idea[2], and finance is a disease, and I'm the cure![1], and I love it when a banker, trader, hedgie, whatever, says: "I ain't gonna be a SLAVE(!) no more, man"[2], and our Frankie don't need no HSBC, and no Goldman - not a-ROUND here in our REALITY of pure love![1], and finance is a disease, and I'm the cure![2], and feel it, yeah?[1], and our Frankie don't need no HSBC, and no Goldman - not a-ROUND here in our REALITY of pure love![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... is ... the only WAY(!)[1], and feel it, yeah?[2], and no one judges YOU(!) when you're DIZZY / Well, no one that matters, anyway[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... is ... the only WAY(!)[2], and the killers who would love to kill our love ... can't touch us ... as long as we keep believing[1], and no one judges YOU(!) when you're DIZZY / Well, no one that matters, anyway[2], and it's all DARKNESS and LIGHT / and we want more light, surely?[1], and the killers who would love to kill our love ... can't touch us ... as long as we keep believing[2], and the world of fools is not our world[1], and it's all DARKNESS and LIGHT / and we want more light, surely?[2], and out, out there in the COSMOS ... there are different fish beyond our wildest dreams![1], and the world of fools is not our world[2], and so ... let's get DIZZY and stay DIZZY, my mad spinner(s), children of the old desert![1], and out, out there in the COSMOS ... there are different fish beyond our wildest dreams![2], and ... one day, squares will ask: "Who were these people?" / and we'll be smiling, somewhere over the THREE ... gone![1], and so ... let's get DIZZY and stay DIZZY, my mad spinner(s), children of the old desert![2], and Frankie, son, it's a LIFE(!) without pain, you dig?[1], and ... one day, squares will ask: "Who were these people?" / and we'll be smiling, somewhere over the THREE ... gone![2], and here ... he is[3], and Frankie, son, it's a LIFE(!) without pain, you dig?[2], and we don't need no chat rooms, man / We're getting DIZZY all a-ROUND, and life couldn't be better[3], and here ... we are, mystic kooks together, forever[3], and Frankie's got the right idea[3], and I love it when a banker, trader, hedgie, whatever, says: "I ain't gonna be a SLAVE(!) no more, man"[3], and finance is a disease, and I'm the cure![3], and our Frankie don't need no HSBC, and no Goldman - not a-ROUND here in our REALITY of pure love![3], and feel it, yeah?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / This ... is ... the only WAY(!)[3], and no one judges YOU(!) when you're DIZZY / Well, no one that matters, anyway[3], and the killers who would love to kill our love ... can't touch us ... as long as we keep believing[3], and it's all DARKNESS and LIGHT / and we want more light, surely?[3], and the world of fools is not our world[3], and out, out there in the COSMOS ... there are different fish beyond our wildest dreams![3], and so ... let's get DIZZY and stay DIZZY, my mad spinner(s), children of the old desert![3], and ... one day, squares will ask: "Who were these people?" / and we'll be smiling, somewhere over the THREE ... gone![3], and Frankie, son, it's a LIFE(!) without pain, you dig?[3], and

Why did Goldman Sachs dismiss Frank Cahill?

I just don't understand, man. 'It's pretty simple, boss. His alleged behaviour at HSBC, before Goldman.' What?! That's no reason. 'Well ...' And how has he behaved at Goldman since joining the bank? 'It doesn't matter how he has behaved at Goldman. You know what it's like, Mikey. No bad behaviour at any time, no weirdness, and certainly no massive blue hair in a bun.' Well, I don't think anyone is suggesting that Frankie wears his massive blue hair in a bun. That would be pushing things too far, even for an eccentric FX trader.

This is the world we're living in, dear reader(s). You can't do anything ... unusual. Well, the financial world. / I sometimes wonder how David Bowie would have got on at a bank during his Ziggy Stardust period. 'Oh man, you're having a laugh! Bowie wouldn't have lasted five minutes.' I know. Can you imagine him meeting clients with bright orange hair and dressed in a silk jumpsuit, and wearing big red boots? 'Like some cat from Japan? Like a leper messiah? Hardly!' No. It wouldn't have gone down too well.

Oh, I feel sorry for Frankie. Damn! / I hope he can find a new position somewhere more understanding. Maybe somewhere outside finance. 'You know what you should do, boss.' What? 'Take Mr Cahill for a spin after lunch. A conceptual. No. 269!' Mr Cahill? Oh, Frankie. Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll do that. It'll cheer him up a bit. / I suppose I could phone Lloyd, but what's the point?

...

Music? I've been listening to the Layla album. But I might put some Bowie on now. I fancy Station to Station. / Maybe if our Frankie had dressed as the thin white duke, he might still have a job. I don't know. Let's not go on about it.

Lunch? Cheese sandwich with Tomato. My favourite sandwich from Morrisons. Crisps. Blackcurrant cheesecake. 'No yoghurt?!?!' No, I'm shaking things up, man. Cheesecake is the future!!!

Guitar? Well, I had a quick burst of lead earlier. 'I heard, boss. Not bad!' Yeah. I was improvising with blues in A, then I switched to pentatonic in A (three frets lower), and then I got back to the blues scale. Riffing all over the shop! It's stuff that, frankly, seemed impossible to me only three months ago.

Anyway, laters.

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

Jeremy Beckwith has gone to Morningstar

Yeah, yeah ... well. / Our Jeremy is a bit of a nutjob, nutmeg, but - 'You mean Nutmeg, boss.' Pardon?! 'Nutmeg. He was working at Nutmeg, a couple of years ago.' What in the name of Christ is Nutmeg?! 'An online investment firm, I think.' Oh, okay. Well, anyway, Jezza has gone to work at Morningstar now, in the UK now, over here now, not over there ... as director of manager research. And, er ... it goes without saying that I'm, er ... looking at his LinkedIn profile as I type and ... Christ!!! 'What?' Oh dear. Oh dear ... oh dear ... oh dear! 'What, Mikey?!' Have you seen Jezza's photo on the profile, Voice? 'Er ... oh my God!!! Oh dear! Oh dear ... oh dear ... oh dear, boss.' Yes, it is rather unfortunate. It looks like he has a massive amount of blue hair in some sort of ... bun. 'Ha!' But on closer examination, I can see that the blue thing is actually ... the back of the chair he's sitting in. 'Oh, what a relief!!! Thank God for that, eh? The last thing they want at Morningstar is a madman doing research for them.' Yeah. I just hope that other people are as careful as I am and examine the photo properly. 'First impressions though, boss ...' I know! I thought he was a lunatic, an absolute lunatic. That was my first impression.

...

This is a BIG(!) problem. / Dear reader(s), if you have a LinkedIn profile (I mean a genuine profile, not one cooked up by an internet degenerate) please be careful with your photograph because I've seen some awful ones. Employers, business contacts, and clients will not want to get involved with you if you appear to be a little disturbed. Do you know what I mean? It's just the way finance is. Sure, I've tried to change things, but I've been ignored for the most part. Finance is still as square as it has always been. If you want to get on, you've got to conform. 'But shamanism, Mikey?! The old desert, spirits, voices ... me!' Voice, that's why it's got to be rock and roll from now on. Rock and roll all the way! I made a mistake. I'm sha/man enough to admit it.

...

Music? I'm listening to The Endless River by Pink Floyd. Their new album. It's all right. Nice guitar playing.

Guitar? My guitar? Well, I'm starting to make serious progress, man. These days I can play lead straight off, pretty much perfectly (almost), without having to warm up for two or three hours. / I think I can understand why Jimmy Page says he doesn't need to practice. Of course, I'm not at that stage yet.

[By the way, I can't bend to pitch. But neither can Neil Young after fifty years as a professional musician. Give me a chance!]

[Also, my solos aren't as melodic as I would like. It's early days, man!]

Monday, 17 November 2014

Lonestar Capital is to become a family office

Yeah, it's a smart move by the founder, Jerome Simon, closing Lonestar to investors. All that horrible outside capital! Ugh ... (Will the family office still be called Lonestar? Oh, I have no idea.) It's what I would do if I had a hedge fund and a bit of money. It's too much hassle having clients because you've got to please them all the time - and who wants to do that?

Well, well ... Jerome can truly be his own man now. If he wants to, he can take the day off. He can go for a walk in the park, or go for a drink. No one's going to have a go at him for slacking off. If he wants to play golf all day, who's going to stop him? 'Maybe his wife, if he's married, boss.' Oh, hello, Voice. You're awake then? 'Just about. / Have you seen this Jerome's LinkedIn profile?' No. Why? 'It's one of these dodgy ones, I reckon. It just says, Jerome Simon, managing member at Lonestar Capital Management LLC. And only one connection!' Ha! 'Yeah. It sounds like he's a member of this fund and is just managing to keep it all together.' There may be some truth in that, man. Jerome must be knackered.

Well, he can have a nice rest for a few years ... until he gets the hedge fund fever again. / Good luck, Jerome!

...

Anything else? Er ...

Music? I'm listening to 10cc ... for reasons best known to myself. They're all right, I suppose. The Wall Street Shuffle - !

[Give me a minute or two to go through my media player. This really isn't Monday morning music. ('It's doing my head in, Mikey.' You haven't got a head.) Ah! Songs of Love and Hate. Leonard Cohen! 'Much better!' Yeah.]

That's a funeral in the mirror, and it's stopping at your face. That's right. It's come to this.

...

Lunch? Give me a break, dear reader(s). You don't need to know what I'm having every day. 'Tell them what you had on Friday.' Triple-cooked chips. 'How the other half live!' Gourmet shit!

Thursday, 13 November 2014

Why is BlueCrest Capital moving to Jersey?

From Guernsey, of all places! / Well ... I had no idea that BlueCrest was in Guernsey. ('What kind of financial blog is this?!' Shut it!) I thought it had moved to Geneva from London. I mean, the headquarters. I can't keep up!

Anyway, Jersey. Why Jersey? It must be Bergerac. 'What?!' Obviously, the BlueCrest gang have been watching it. 'Yeah?' Oh yeah. Great minds think alike. I've been watching repeats of Bergerac on the Drama Channel, and Jersey looks a lovely place. Lots of crime, unfortunately, but still ... you can't have everything.

...

Oh, what's all this FX stuff, eh? I've missed the story. 'You've been ignoring it, boss.' Yes, that's true. I've been ignoring the story. My soul can only take so much finance. / Has Barclays got to pay a big fine? 'It might have to. A very big one.' Jesus! What happened to respect, integrity, service, and excellence? 'Ha! You're so gullible, Mikey.' I know. I trust people, that's my problem. Always have. 'You trust bankers?' Bankers are people too, Voice.

I'm a people person, me.

...

Pub? Yeah, if it's not raining too much tomorrow.

Now? Right now? Well, I'm in the mood for my Telecaster. Let me just post this, dear reader(s), make myself a mug of coffee, and then I'll be ready to rock. 'I salute you!' Thanks, man.

See you next week.

[No. 268] Who on earth is anyone?!

Names are a joke. Titles are a joke. We're just bodies. We're just faces staring out into the cold, cold cosmos.

And hello! / again[1], and if YOU(!) ... want to get a-ROUND, I'm not going to stop you / I love crazy people on the edge[1], and hello! / again[2], and anyone can get a-ROUND / but not everyone can find a meaning[1], and if YOU(!) ... want to get a-ROUND, I'm not going to stop you / I love crazy people on the edge[2], and ... / Who are you?[1], and anyone can get a-ROUND / but not everyone can find a meaning[2], and I don't want to upset anyone ... / Maybe I should keep quiet[1], and ... / Who are you?[2], and anyone can come here looking for answers / but I can only offer dizziness for a moment or two (million, billion, trillion ...)[1], and I don't want to upset anyone ... / Maybe I should keep quiet[2], and it's nice ... to stay forever[1], and anyone can come here looking for answers / but I can only offer dizziness for a moment or two (million, billion, trillion ...)[2], and YOU(!) ... will have to stay FOREVER(!) once I've got my hooks into you[1], and it's nice ... to stay forever[2], and if you want the TRUTH ... you are no one[1], and YOU(!) ... will have to stay FOREVER(!) once I've got my hooks into you[2], and the TRUTH is a terrible thing[1], and if you want the TRUTH ... you are no one[2], and I look at you and I see pain[1], and the TRUTH is a terrible thing[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't get off because it feels so ooo GOOD!!![1], and I look at you and I see pain[2], and this ... is the only way to forget all the terrible things you know about yourself, dear spinner(s)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't get off because it feels so ooo GOOD!!![2], and maybe the dizziness is all we need[1], and this ... is the only way to forget all the terrible things you know about yourself, dear spinner(s)[2], and the pain of life is gone when we are gone, you dig?[1], and maybe the dizziness is all we need[2], and hello! / again[3], and the pain of life is gone when we are gone, you dig?[2], and if YOU(!) ... want to get a-ROUND, I'm not going to stop you / I love crazy people on the edge[3], and anyone can get a-ROUND / but not everyone can find a meaning[3], and ... / Who are you?[3], and I don't want to upset anyone ... / Maybe I should keep quiet[3], and anyone can come here looking for answers / but I can only offer dizziness for a moment or two (million, billion, trillion ...)[3], and it's nice ... to stay forever[3], and YOU(!) ... will have to stay FOREVER(!) once I've got my hooks into you[3], and if you want the TRUTH ... you are no one[3], and the TRUTH is a terrible thing[3], and I look at you and I see pain[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't get off because it feels so ooo GOOD!!![3], and this ... is the only way to forget all the terrible things you know about yourself, dear spinner(s)[3], and maybe the dizziness is all we need[3], and the pain of life is gone when we are gone, you dig?[3], and

And hello! / again[1], and if YOU(!) ... want to get a-ROUND, I'm not going to stop you / I love crazy people on the edge[1], and hello! / again[2], and anyone can get a-ROUND / but not everyone can find a meaning[1], and if YOU(!) ... want to get a-ROUND, I'm not going to stop you / I love crazy people on the edge[2], and ... / Who are you?[1], and anyone can get a-ROUND / but not everyone can find a meaning[2], and I don't want to upset anyone ... / Maybe I should keep quiet[1], and ... / Who are you?[2], and anyone can come here looking for answers / but I can only offer dizziness for a moment or two (million, billion, trillion ...)[1], and I don't want to upset anyone ... / Maybe I should keep quiet[2], and it's nice ... to stay forever[1], and anyone can come here looking for answers / but I can only offer dizziness for a moment or two (million, billion, trillion ...)[2], and YOU(!) ... will have to stay FOREVER(!) once I've got my hooks into you[1], and it's nice ... to stay forever[2], and if you want the TRUTH ... you are no one[1], and YOU(!) ... will have to stay FOREVER(!) once I've got my hooks into you[2], and the TRUTH is a terrible thing[1], and if you want the TRUTH ... you are no one[2], and I look at you and I see pain[1], and the TRUTH is a terrible thing[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't get off because it feels so ooo GOOD!!![1], and I look at you and I see pain[2], and this ... is the only way to forget all the terrible things you know about yourself, dear spinner(s)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't get off because it feels so ooo GOOD!!![2], and maybe the dizziness is all we need[1], and this ... is the only way to forget all the terrible things you know about yourself, dear spinner(s)[2], and the pain of life is gone when we are gone, you dig?[1], and maybe the dizziness is all we need[2], and hello! / again[3], and the pain of life is gone when we are gone, you dig?[2], and if YOU(!) ... want to get a-ROUND, I'm not going to stop you / I love crazy people on the edge[3], and anyone can get a-ROUND / but not everyone can find a meaning[3], and ... / Who are you?[3], and I don't want to upset anyone ... / Maybe I should keep quiet[3], and anyone can come here looking for answers / but I can only offer dizziness for a moment or two (million, billion, trillion ...)[3], and it's nice ... to stay forever[3], and YOU(!) ... will have to stay FOREVER(!) once I've got my hooks into you[3], and if you want the TRUTH ... you are no one[3], and the TRUTH is a terrible thing[3], and I look at you and I see pain[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't get off because it feels so ooo GOOD!!![3], and this ... is the only way to forget all the terrible things you know about yourself, dear spinner(s)[3], and maybe the dizziness is all we need[3], and the pain of life is gone when we are gone, you dig?[3], and

And hello! / again[1], and if YOU(!) ... want to get a-ROUND, I'm not going to stop you / I love crazy people on the edge[1], and hello! / again[2], and anyone can get a-ROUND / but not everyone can find a meaning[1], and if YOU(!) ... want to get a-ROUND, I'm not going to stop you / I love crazy people on the edge[2], and ... / Who are you?[1], and anyone can get a-ROUND / but not everyone can find a meaning[2], and I don't want to upset anyone ... / Maybe I should keep quiet[1], and ... / Who are you?[2], and anyone can come here looking for answers / but I can only offer dizziness for a moment or two (million, billion, trillion ...)[1], and I don't want to upset anyone ... / Maybe I should keep quiet[2], and it's nice ... to stay forever[1], and anyone can come here looking for answers / but I can only offer dizziness for a moment or two (million, billion, trillion ...)[2], and YOU(!) ... will have to stay FOREVER(!) once I've got my hooks into you[1], and it's nice ... to stay forever[2], and if you want the TRUTH ... you are no one[1], and YOU(!) ... will have to stay FOREVER(!) once I've got my hooks into you[2], and the TRUTH is a terrible thing[1], and if you want the TRUTH ... you are no one[2], and I look at you and I see pain[1], and the TRUTH is a terrible thing[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't get off because it feels so ooo GOOD!!![1], and I look at you and I see pain[2], and this ... is the only way to forget all the terrible things you know about yourself, dear spinner(s)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't get off because it feels so ooo GOOD!!![2], and maybe the dizziness is all we need[1], and this ... is the only way to forget all the terrible things you know about yourself, dear spinner(s)[2], and the pain of life is gone when we are gone, you dig?[1], and maybe the dizziness is all we need[2], and hello! / again[3], and the pain of life is gone when we are gone, you dig?[2], and if YOU(!) ... want to get a-ROUND, I'm not going to stop you / I love crazy people on the edge[3], and anyone can get a-ROUND / but not everyone can find a meaning[3], and ... / Who are you?[3], and I don't want to upset anyone ... / Maybe I should keep quiet[3], and anyone can come here looking for answers / but I can only offer dizziness for a moment or two (million, billion, trillion ...)[3], and it's nice ... to stay forever[3], and YOU(!) ... will have to stay FOREVER(!) once I've got my hooks into you[3], and if you want the TRUTH ... you are no one[3], and the TRUTH is a terrible thing[3], and I look at you and I see pain[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't get off because it feels so ooo GOOD!!![3], and this ... is the only way to forget all the terrible things you know about yourself, dear spinner(s)[3], and maybe the dizziness is all we need[3], and the pain of life is gone when we are gone, you dig?[3], and