Thursday, 30 June 2016

GAM is buying Cantab Capital for $217 million or ... $292 million

[I took another bubble bath with my pants on ...]

It all depends on whom you believe, dear reader(s). Personally, I don't believe anyone. I'm just not the trusting type, you know? 'Boss, this deal won't go through.' Oh no? Tell us why, expert. 'Because ... of all the Lego, the messing about.' Ha! Well, I'm sure Ewan Kirk and the gang have kept that quiet. 'All GAM has got to do is search on the internet.' Well, maybe GAM doesn't care, Voice. I don't know.

We are one of the world's leading independent, pure-play asset managers. We put our clients' capital to work by providing active investment solutions across a broad range of capabilities. Our core investment business is complemented by private labelling solutions, which include management company and other support services for third-party asset managers. We employ over 1,000 people in 11 countries with investment centres in London, Zurich, Hong Kong, New York, Milan and Lugano. The investment managers are supported by an extensive global distribution network.

That's GAM, that is. / Yes, notice the "play" bit. They ain't got no problem with Lego. Ewan Kirk is obviously a man after their own hearts. 'What happens to Ewan and the gang?' Oh, they're staying, as a part of GAM. But they'll probably have to do some work now, for once in their lives. 'Ha! I doubt it. That infernal computer of theirs does most of the work, surely?' Yeah, I suppose. I don't know. What do I know?! NOTHING!!!

Nothing. And that's the way I like it. Ignorance is bliss.

...

End of the week. Anything else? Music? What am I listening to? I'm having a Dead Legends of 2016 day today. 'Eh?' I'm listening to Bowie and Prince, Voice. 'Oh. Couldn't you just say that?' / Yeah, songs like Ballad of Dorothy Parker and Red Sails.

Oh, I got those Yamaha strings yesterday. I went to the Yamaha shop in Wardour Street, and they didn't even have them on display. They had to get them from the stockroom. / Hardly anyone knows about these beautiful-sounding strings. Well, it's the world's loss. I don't care. But if you're interested, dear reader(s), they're light FS50BT. I just wish they were a bit cheaper, that's all. (I've spent a small fortune on strings lately.) However, when Picasso was about to start work on a masterpiece he always got a special canvas - no expense spared!

Wednesday, 29 June 2016

UK retail investors pull out of property funds

Yeah, just another look at one of last night's PR emails. I got them all jumbled up, didn't I? Sorry about that, dear reader(s).

UK retail investors are pulling out of Property and UK Equity funds and switching into Global and Japan equities, according to analysis by rplan.co.uk, the online investment platform. The analysis shows that the number of trades on the rplan.co.uk platform was up 175% over the weekend following the Brexit vote versus the previous weekend, and 76% of withdrawals was from Property funds and 22% from UK equity funds. The volume of switching between funds was 4.5 times higher than the previous weekend. The sectors most bought overall included Global Equities (56%), Japan Equities (20%), UK Equities (16%) and North America Equities (5%).

Okay. Well, I'm not surprised.

Stuart Dyer, rplan.co.uk's Chief Investment Officer, commented: "UK investors' fears about the prospects for property are striking. Clearly, there are worries that property would be affected by a possible economic downturn and the withdrawal of foreign investors."

Dear oh dear. I don't know. I just don't know any more.

...

Yeah, just one short post today. I might go out later, if it's not raining too much. I think it's going to rain a bit.

I'm wondering if I need new guitar strings, you know? The original Yamaha strings that came with my Yamaha acoustic had a really nice sound, but they cost £15. Martin strings are only £3 or £4 a set. / Well, it's my problem. Don't worry about it.

I've already wasted too much money on strings. Like those stupid resophonic ones which were for a totally different sort of guitar. 'It's not their problem though, boss.' I'm just saying, Voice, that's all. If I don't talk about my strings, I'm going to have to talk about finance. 'Heaven forbid!' Exactly.

Ah, that's enough.

Laters, man.

Tuesday, 28 June 2016

[No. 427] The Tuesday night PR email

Back by popular demand!

And here we are again, still spinning[1], and the combination will be highly complementary ... creating a larger global alternative asset class advisory platform with ...[1], and here we are again, still spinning[2], and ... who cares?[1], and the combination will be highly complementary ... creating a larger global alternative asset class advisory platform with ...[2], and I, I ... can ... connect NOTHING with NOTHING in a world GONE(!) crazy - uh, if I want to, and I want to[1], and ... who cares?[2], and a-ROUND? oh yes[1], and I, I ... can ... connect NOTHING with NOTHING in a world GONE(!) crazy - uh, if I want to, and I want to[2], and Alan Greenspan says: "We're in hell when you Brexit" / Inflation coming! / Early days of a crisis![1], and a-ROUND? oh yes[2], and 76% of withdrawals was from property funds and 22% from UK equity funds ...[1], and Alan Greenspan says: "We're in hell when you Brexit" / Inflation coming! / Early days of a crisis![2], and ... many emails! / and jumbled a-ROUND, you dig?[1], and 76% of withdrawals was from property funds and 22% from UK equity funds ...[2], and ... But at Turquoise, we believe it hasn't so much died as broadened in meaning - 'Eh?'[1], and ... many emails! / and jumbled a-ROUND, you dig?[2], and it's all fragments, man![1], and ... But at Turquoise, we believe it hasn't so much died as broadened in meaning - 'Eh?'[2], and when a shock result sinks in, we sink, down, down, down ...[1], and it's all fragments, man![2], and disaster was predicted!!![1], and when a shock result sinks in, we sink, down, down, down ...[2], and a trigger for more people to move their British pensions out of the UK - ?! - ?! - ?! / Yes, yes, yes ... the old wise man was right[1], and disaster was predicted!!![2], and ... GOLD! GOLD! GOLD! ... / Always believe in your soul, you're indestructible[1], and a trigger for more people to move their British pensions out of the UK - ?! - ?! - ?! / Yes, yes, yes ... the old wise man was right[2], and invest in the development of our service offering and expansion of our global footprint ... why not?[1], and ... GOLD! GOLD! GOLD! ... / Always believe in your soul, you're indestructible[2], and 'Boss, my tiny brain screams for sense!'[1], and invest in the development of our service offering and expansion of our global footprint ... why not?[2], and ... NONSENSE!!![1], and 'Boss, my tiny brain screams for sense!'[2], and we firmly believe that our partnership with Pavilion will ... who knows?[1], and ... NONSENSE!!![2], and consciousness, yes, but no physical brain, not on the astral plane, surely?[1], and we firmly believe that our partnership with Pavilion will ... who knows?[2], and unfunded liabilities estimated to be between $100 trillion and $200 trillion - what ... ?! - ?! / America ... 'Oh'[1], and consciousness, yes, but no physical brain, not on the astral plane, surely?[2], and - ENOUGH! / No, more ...[1], and unfunded liabilities estimated to be between $100 trillion and $200 trillion - what ... ?! - ?! / America ... 'Oh'[2], and here we are again, still spinning[3], and - ENOUGH! / No, more ...[2], and the combination will be highly complementary ... creating a larger global alternative asset class advisory platform with ...[3], and ... who cares?[3], and I, I ... can ... connect NOTHING with NOTHING in a world GONE(!) crazy - uh, if I want to, and I want to[3], and a-ROUND? oh yes[3], and Alan Greenspan says: "We're in hell when you Brexit" / Inflation coming! / Early days of a crisis![3], and 76% of withdrawals was from property funds and 22% from UK equity funds ...[3], and ... many emails! / and jumbled a-ROUND, you dig?[3], and ... But at Turquoise, we believe it hasn't so much died as broadened in meaning - 'Eh?'[3], and it's all fragments, man![3], and when a shock result sinks in, we sink, down, down, down ...[3], and disaster was predicted!!![3], and a trigger for more people to move their British pensions out of the UK - ?! - ?! - ?! / Yes, yes, yes ... the old wise man was right[3], and ... GOLD! GOLD! GOLD! ... / Always believe in your soul, you're indestructible[3], and invest in the development of our service offering and expansion of our global footprint ... why not?[3], and 'Boss, my tiny brain screams for sense!'[3], and ... NONSENSE!!![3], and we firmly believe that our partnership with Pavilion will ... who knows?[3], and consciousness, yes, but no physical brain, not on the astral plane, surely?[3], and unfunded liabilities estimated to be between $100 trillion and $200 trillion - what ... ?! - ?! / America ... 'Oh'[3], and - ENOUGH! / No, more ...[3], and

And here we are again, still spinning[1], and the combination will be highly complementary ... creating a larger global alternative asset class advisory platform with ...[1], and here we are again, still spinning[2], and ... who cares?[1], and the combination will be highly complementary ... creating a larger global alternative asset class advisory platform with ...[2], and I, I ... can ... connect NOTHING with NOTHING in a world GONE(!) crazy - uh, if I want to, and I want to[1], and ... who cares?[2], and a-ROUND? oh yes[1], and I, I ... can ... connect NOTHING with NOTHING in a world GONE(!) crazy - uh, if I want to, and I want to[2], and Alan Greenspan says: "We're in hell when you Brexit" / Inflation coming! / Early days of a crisis![1], and a-ROUND? oh yes[2], and 76% of withdrawals was from property funds and 22% from UK equity funds ...[1], and Alan Greenspan says: "We're in hell when you Brexit" / Inflation coming! / Early days of a crisis![2], and ... many emails! / and jumbled a-ROUND, you dig?[1], and 76% of withdrawals was from property funds and 22% from UK equity funds ...[2], and ... But at Turquoise, we believe it hasn't so much died as broadened in meaning - 'Eh?'[1], and ... many emails! / and jumbled a-ROUND, you dig?[2], and it's all fragments, man![1], and ... But at Turquoise, we believe it hasn't so much died as broadened in meaning - 'Eh?'[2], and when a shock result sinks in, we sink, down, down, down ...[1], and it's all fragments, man![2], and disaster was predicted!!![1], and when a shock result sinks in, we sink, down, down, down ...[2], and a trigger for more people to move their British pensions out of the UK - ?! - ?! - ?! / Yes, yes, yes ... the old wise man was right[1], and disaster was predicted!!![2], and ... GOLD! GOLD! GOLD! ... / Always believe in your soul, you're indestructible[1], and a trigger for more people to move their British pensions out of the UK - ?! - ?! - ?! / Yes, yes, yes ... the old wise man was right[2], and invest in the development of our service offering and expansion of our global footprint ... why not?[1], and ... GOLD! GOLD! GOLD! ... / Always believe in your soul, you're indestructible[2], and 'Boss, my tiny brain screams for sense!'[1], and invest in the development of our service offering and expansion of our global footprint ... why not?[2], and ... NONSENSE!!![1], and 'Boss, my tiny brain screams for sense!'[2], and we firmly believe that our partnership with Pavilion will ... who knows?[1], and ... NONSENSE!!![2], and consciousness, yes, but no physical brain, not on the astral plane, surely?[1], and we firmly believe that our partnership with Pavilion will ... who knows?[2], and unfunded liabilities estimated to be between $100 trillion and $200 trillion - what ... ?! - ?! / America ... 'Oh'[1], and consciousness, yes, but no physical brain, not on the astral plane, surely?[2], and - ENOUGH! / No, more ...[1], and unfunded liabilities estimated to be between $100 trillion and $200 trillion - what ... ?! - ?! / America ... 'Oh'[2], and here we are again, still spinning[3], and - ENOUGH! / No, more ...[2], and the combination will be highly complementary ... creating a larger global alternative asset class advisory platform with ...[3], and ... who cares?[3], and I, I ... can ... connect NOTHING with NOTHING in a world GONE(!) crazy - uh, if I want to, and I want to[3], and a-ROUND? oh yes[3], and Alan Greenspan says: "We're in hell when you Brexit" / Inflation coming! / Early days of a crisis![3], and 76% of withdrawals was from property funds and 22% from UK equity funds ...[3], and ... many emails! / and jumbled a-ROUND, you dig?[3], and ... But at Turquoise, we believe it hasn't so much died as broadened in meaning - 'Eh?'[3], and it's all fragments, man![3], and when a shock result sinks in, we sink, down, down, down ...[3], and disaster was predicted!!![3], and a trigger for more people to move their British pensions out of the UK - ?! - ?! - ?! / Yes, yes, yes ... the old wise man was right[3], and ... GOLD! GOLD! GOLD! ... / Always believe in your soul, you're indestructible[3], and invest in the development of our service offering and expansion of our global footprint ... why not?[3], and 'Boss, my tiny brain screams for sense!'[3], and ... NONSENSE!!![3], and we firmly believe that our partnership with Pavilion will ... who knows?[3], and consciousness, yes, but no physical brain, not on the astral plane, surely?[3], and unfunded liabilities estimated to be between $100 trillion and $200 trillion - what ... ?! - ?! / America ... 'Oh'[3], and - ENOUGH! / No, more ...[3], and

And here we are again, still spinning[1], and the combination will be highly complementary ... creating a larger global alternative asset class advisory platform with ...[1], and here we are again, still spinning[2], and ... who cares?[1], and the combination will be highly complementary ... creating a larger global alternative asset class advisory platform with ...[2], and I, I ... can ... connect NOTHING with NOTHING in a world GONE(!) crazy - uh, if I want to, and I want to[1], and ... who cares?[2], and a-ROUND? oh yes[1], and I, I ... can ... connect NOTHING with NOTHING in a world GONE(!) crazy - uh, if I want to, and I want to[2], and Alan Greenspan says: "We're in hell when you Brexit" / Inflation coming! / Early days of a crisis![1], and a-ROUND? oh yes[2], and 76% of withdrawals was from property funds and 22% from UK equity funds ...[1], and Alan Greenspan says: "We're in hell when you Brexit" / Inflation coming! / Early days of a crisis![2], and ... many emails! / and jumbled a-ROUND, you dig?[1], and 76% of withdrawals was from property funds and 22% from UK equity funds ...[2], and ... But at Turquoise, we believe it hasn't so much died as broadened in meaning - 'Eh?'[1], and ... many emails! / and jumbled a-ROUND, you dig?[2], and it's all fragments, man![1], and ... But at Turquoise, we believe it hasn't so much died as broadened in meaning - 'Eh?'[2], and when a shock result sinks in, we sink, down, down, down ...[1], and it's all fragments, man![2], and disaster was predicted!!![1], and when a shock result sinks in, we sink, down, down, down ...[2], and a trigger for more people to move their British pensions out of the UK - ?! - ?! - ?! / Yes, yes, yes ... the old wise man was right[1], and disaster was predicted!!![2], and ... GOLD! GOLD! GOLD! ... / Always believe in your soul, you're indestructible[1], and a trigger for more people to move their British pensions out of the UK - ?! - ?! - ?! / Yes, yes, yes ... the old wise man was right[2], and invest in the development of our service offering and expansion of our global footprint ... why not?[1], and ... GOLD! GOLD! GOLD! ... / Always believe in your soul, you're indestructible[2], and 'Boss, my tiny brain screams for sense!'[1], and invest in the development of our service offering and expansion of our global footprint ... why not?[2], and ... NONSENSE!!![1], and 'Boss, my tiny brain screams for sense!'[2], and we firmly believe that our partnership with Pavilion will ... who knows?[1], and ... NONSENSE!!![2], and consciousness, yes, but no physical brain, not on the astral plane, surely?[1], and we firmly believe that our partnership with Pavilion will ... who knows?[2], and unfunded liabilities estimated to be between $100 trillion and $200 trillion - what ... ?! - ?! / America ... 'Oh'[1], and consciousness, yes, but no physical brain, not on the astral plane, surely?[2], and - ENOUGH! / No, more ...[1], and unfunded liabilities estimated to be between $100 trillion and $200 trillion - what ... ?! - ?! / America ... 'Oh'[2], and here we are again, still spinning[3], and - ENOUGH! / No, more ...[2], and the combination will be highly complementary ... creating a larger global alternative asset class advisory platform with ...[3], and ... who cares?[3], and I, I ... can ... connect NOTHING with NOTHING in a world GONE(!) crazy - uh, if I want to, and I want to[3], and a-ROUND? oh yes[3], and Alan Greenspan says: "We're in hell when you Brexit" / Inflation coming! / Early days of a crisis![3], and 76% of withdrawals was from property funds and 22% from UK equity funds ...[3], and ... many emails! / and jumbled a-ROUND, you dig?[3], and ... But at Turquoise, we believe it hasn't so much died as broadened in meaning - 'Eh?'[3], and it's all fragments, man![3], and when a shock result sinks in, we sink, down, down, down ...[3], and disaster was predicted!!![3], and a trigger for more people to move their British pensions out of the UK - ?! - ?! - ?! / Yes, yes, yes ... the old wise man was right[3], and ... GOLD! GOLD! GOLD! ... / Always believe in your soul, you're indestructible[3], and invest in the development of our service offering and expansion of our global footprint ... why not?[3], and 'Boss, my tiny brain screams for sense!'[3], and ... NONSENSE!!![3], and we firmly believe that our partnership with Pavilion will ... who knows?[3], and consciousness, yes, but no physical brain, not on the astral plane, surely?[3], and unfunded liabilities estimated to be between $100 trillion and $200 trillion - what ... ?! - ?! / America ... 'Oh'[3], and - ENOUGH! / No, more ...[3], and

James Ind? Dynamic Absolute Return fund?

Oh, it's supposed to be a new fund. Christ! / Do you remember this, dear reader(s), (when James didn't update his LinkedIn profile)? -

Christ! Do I have to do everything for these people? (Remember when I had to correct Mike Belbeck's spelling mistakes?) / James Ind is working at GLG Partners now. He's joined the macro team - for his sins. They'll be launching a new fund for him soon. James is going to be managing a total return strategy. 'Sounds exciting, Mikey. You would think he would want to boast about it on his LinkedIn profile.' I know, Voice. I just can't understand the guy. 'Maybe he's lazy.' Who has ever heard of a lazy fund manager, man? 'Maybe he's so over the moon that he ain't thinking straight.' I don't know. I suppose there's a chance he doesn't care about LinkedIn. 'Well, it's Facebook for squares, isn't it?' Yeah. / Oh, guess who his boss is - or one of his bosses. 'Who?' Only Jamil Baz. 'That lunatic!' Yes. The man who thinks I'm going to be writing about financial disaster for the next twenty years. / Jamil, twenty  years from now I'll be a rock legend, son. I ain't doing this shit for another twenty years! 'You tell him, Mikey.' Unbelievable!

Right, two things. Firstly, Jamil Baz was on to something, as much as it pains me to admit it. I probably will be writing about financial disaster for the next twenty years BECAUSE(!) ... that's all we've got now, ain't it? [Since the conservatives in this green and pleasant land decided to wreck capitalism in a way that anarchists and socialists and terrorists aren't even capable of, don't even have the imagination for.] / Er ... 'And, secondly, boss?' Secondly, Voice, I have more bad news. James Ind isn't at GLG no more. 'Oh.' He's at Barings Bank now. 'Ha! A bank that went out of business in 1995.' Yes, James is another poor soul who has been fooled by the conmen. 'How does it even work, boss?' Well, I reckon these grifters approach guys like James and say: Ere, mate, do you fancy working for a top bank? I can get you in, but it's gonna cost you. Just slip me a monkey, and I'll see what I can do. 'Oh, that's clever.' Yeah, they're making a fortune out of this scam.

...

Anything else? The death of capitalism? I'm just wondering ... Russell Brand or David Cameron, you know? 'Jesus!' Our Russell talks a good game, sure. But Dave has got to be the man for me. / It's amazing how things have turned out ...

Music? I'm listening to the first three songs of U2's The Joshua Tree. It's a great start to an album.

My music? Don't ask! I'm still messing around with my new song, trying to get a decent recording of it.

Laters, man.

Monday, 27 June 2016

[No. 426] No need to stop the world

I got off ages ago.

And ... for crying out loud![1], and what did I say? / and what did GEORGE SOROS say? / Is everyone awake - NOW?![1], and ... for crying out loud![2], and so DIZZY(!) sick[1], and what did I say? / and what did GEORGE SOROS say? / Is everyone awake - NOW?![2], and the world doesn't care about our glorious past ... / ... and what do we look like?[1], and so DIZZY(!) sick[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... gotta keep going, man, until I'm totally numb[1], and the world doesn't care about our glorious past ... / ... and what do we look like?[2], and I ain't got no beautiful balloon / I'm just spinning my way out of the shit, that's all[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... gotta keep going, man, until I'm totally numb[2], and the hollow men make me laugh ...[1], and I ain't got no beautiful balloon / I'm just spinning my way out of the shit, that's all[2], and I need Tony Robbins in my life more than ever now / Save me, Tony!!![1], and the hollow men make me laugh ...[2], and when George Soros speaks ... you fucking listen![1], and I need Tony Robbins in my life more than ever now / Save me, Tony!!![2], and dinner? / Baked beans, I'm afraid[1], and when George Soros speaks ... you fucking listen![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and Jesus H. Christ, make your humble servant totally dumb[1], and dinner? / Baked beans, I'm afraid[2], and now everyone is coming down to my level / Oh, I've been here for years[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and Jesus H. Christ, make your humble servant totally dumb[2], and democracy is the joke that just ain't funny no more[1], and now everyone is coming down to my level / Oh, I've been here for years[2], and ... WHERE IS OUR NEW MASTER? / Er ... crawling out of a gutter somewhere[1], and democracy is the joke that just ain't funny no more[2], and ... / ... / ... / ... or crawling out of hell[1], and ... WHERE IS OUR NEW MASTER? / Er ... crawling out of a gutter somewhere[2], and ... "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste"[1], and ... / ... / ... / ... or crawling out of hell[2], and I can connect NOTHING with NOTHING / I don't actually want to[1], and ... "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste"[2], and the world keeps spinning, just like me / There is no end to the insanity[1], and I can connect NOTHING with NOTHING / I don't actually want to[2], and ... 'Help!' / Ha![1], and the world keeps spinning, just like me / There is no end to the insanity[2], and I don't need to be on the last helicopter out / I'm totally GONE(!) in the head, you dig?[1], and ... 'Help!' / Ha![2], and goodbye / oh, hello - again![1], and I don't need to be on the last helicopter out / I'm totally GONE(!) in the head, you dig?[2], and ... for crying out loud![3], and goodbye / oh, hello - again![2], and what did I say? / and what did GEORGE SOROS say? / Is everyone awake - NOW?![3], and so DIZZY(!) sick[3], and the world doesn't care about our glorious past ... / ... and what do we look like?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... gotta keep going, man, until I'm totally numb[3], and I ain't got no beautiful balloon / I'm just spinning my way out of the shit, that's all[3], and the hollow men make me laugh ...[3], and I need Tony Robbins in my life more than ever now / Save me, Tony!!![3], and when George Soros speaks ... you fucking listen![3], and dinner? / Baked beans, I'm afraid[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and Jesus H. Christ, make your humble servant totally dumb[3], and now everyone is coming down to my level / Oh, I've been here for years[3], and democracy is the joke that just ain't funny no more[3], and ... WHERE IS OUR NEW MASTER? / Er ... crawling out of a gutter somewhere[3], and ... / ... / ... / ... or crawling out of hell[3], and ... "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste"[3], and I can connect NOTHING with NOTHING / I don't actually want to[3], and the world keeps spinning, just like me / There is no end to the insanity[3], and ... 'Help!' / Ha![3], and I don't need to be on the last helicopter out / I'm totally GONE(!) in the head, you dig?[3], and goodbye / oh, hello - again![3], and

And ... for crying out loud![1], and what did I say? / and what did GEORGE SOROS say? / Is everyone awake - NOW?![1], and ... for crying out loud![2], and so DIZZY(!) sick[1], and what did I say? / and what did GEORGE SOROS say? / Is everyone awake - NOW?![2], and the world doesn't care about our glorious past ... / ... and what do we look like?[1], and so DIZZY(!) sick[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... gotta keep going, man, until I'm totally numb[1], and the world doesn't care about our glorious past ... / ... and what do we look like?[2], and I ain't got no beautiful balloon / I'm just spinning my way out of the shit, that's all[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... gotta keep going, man, until I'm totally numb[2], and the hollow men make me laugh ...[1], and I ain't got no beautiful balloon / I'm just spinning my way out of the shit, that's all[2], and I need Tony Robbins in my life more than ever now / Save me, Tony!!![1], and the hollow men make me laugh ...[2], and when George Soros speaks ... you fucking listen![1], and I need Tony Robbins in my life more than ever now / Save me, Tony!!![2], and dinner? / Baked beans, I'm afraid[1], and when George Soros speaks ... you fucking listen![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and Jesus H. Christ, make your humble servant totally dumb[1], and dinner? / Baked beans, I'm afraid[2], and now everyone is coming down to my level / Oh, I've been here for years[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and Jesus H. Christ, make your humble servant totally dumb[2], and democracy is the joke that just ain't funny no more[1], and now everyone is coming down to my level / Oh, I've been here for years[2], and ... WHERE IS OUR NEW MASTER? / Er ... crawling out of a gutter somewhere[1], and democracy is the joke that just ain't funny no more[2], and ... / ... / ... / ... or crawling out of hell[1], and ... WHERE IS OUR NEW MASTER? / Er ... crawling out of a gutter somewhere[2], and ... "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste"[1], and ... / ... / ... / ... or crawling out of hell[2], and I can connect NOTHING with NOTHING / I don't actually want to[1], and ... "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste"[2], and the world keeps spinning, just like me / There is no end to the insanity[1], and I can connect NOTHING with NOTHING / I don't actually want to[2], and ... 'Help!' / Ha![1], and the world keeps spinning, just like me / There is no end to the insanity[2], and I don't need to be on the last helicopter out / I'm totally GONE(!) in the head, you dig?[1], and ... 'Help!' / Ha![2], and goodbye / oh, hello - again![1], and I don't need to be on the last helicopter out / I'm totally GONE(!) in the head, you dig?[2], and ... for crying out loud![3], and goodbye / oh, hello - again![2], and what did I say? / and what did GEORGE SOROS say? / Is everyone awake - NOW?![3], and so DIZZY(!) sick[3], and the world doesn't care about our glorious past ... / ... and what do we look like?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... gotta keep going, man, until I'm totally numb[3], and I ain't got no beautiful balloon / I'm just spinning my way out of the shit, that's all[3], and the hollow men make me laugh ...[3], and I need Tony Robbins in my life more than ever now / Save me, Tony!!![3], and when George Soros speaks ... you fucking listen![3], and dinner? / Baked beans, I'm afraid[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and Jesus H. Christ, make your humble servant totally dumb[3], and now everyone is coming down to my level / Oh, I've been here for years[3], and democracy is the joke that just ain't funny no more[3], and ... WHERE IS OUR NEW MASTER? / Er ... crawling out of a gutter somewhere[3], and ... / ... / ... / ... or crawling out of hell[3], and ... "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste"[3], and I can connect NOTHING with NOTHING / I don't actually want to[3], and the world keeps spinning, just like me / There is no end to the insanity[3], and ... 'Help!' / Ha![3], and I don't need to be on the last helicopter out / I'm totally GONE(!) in the head, you dig?[3], and goodbye / oh, hello - again![3], and

And ... for crying out loud![1], and what did I say? / and what did GEORGE SOROS say? / Is everyone awake - NOW?![1], and ... for crying out loud![2], and so DIZZY(!) sick[1], and what did I say? / and what did GEORGE SOROS say? / Is everyone awake - NOW?![2], and the world doesn't care about our glorious past ... / ... and what do we look like?[1], and so DIZZY(!) sick[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... gotta keep going, man, until I'm totally numb[1], and the world doesn't care about our glorious past ... / ... and what do we look like?[2], and I ain't got no beautiful balloon / I'm just spinning my way out of the shit, that's all[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... gotta keep going, man, until I'm totally numb[2], and the hollow men make me laugh ...[1], and I ain't got no beautiful balloon / I'm just spinning my way out of the shit, that's all[2], and I need Tony Robbins in my life more than ever now / Save me, Tony!!![1], and the hollow men make me laugh ...[2], and when George Soros speaks ... you fucking listen![1], and I need Tony Robbins in my life more than ever now / Save me, Tony!!![2], and dinner? / Baked beans, I'm afraid[1], and when George Soros speaks ... you fucking listen![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and Jesus H. Christ, make your humble servant totally dumb[1], and dinner? / Baked beans, I'm afraid[2], and now everyone is coming down to my level / Oh, I've been here for years[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and Jesus H. Christ, make your humble servant totally dumb[2], and democracy is the joke that just ain't funny no more[1], and now everyone is coming down to my level / Oh, I've been here for years[2], and ... WHERE IS OUR NEW MASTER? / Er ... crawling out of a gutter somewhere[1], and democracy is the joke that just ain't funny no more[2], and ... / ... / ... / ... or crawling out of hell[1], and ... WHERE IS OUR NEW MASTER? / Er ... crawling out of a gutter somewhere[2], and ... "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste"[1], and ... / ... / ... / ... or crawling out of hell[2], and I can connect NOTHING with NOTHING / I don't actually want to[1], and ... "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste"[2], and the world keeps spinning, just like me / There is no end to the insanity[1], and I can connect NOTHING with NOTHING / I don't actually want to[2], and ... 'Help!' / Ha![1], and the world keeps spinning, just like me / There is no end to the insanity[2], and I don't need to be on the last helicopter out / I'm totally GONE(!) in the head, you dig?[1], and ... 'Help!' / Ha![2], and goodbye / oh, hello - again![1], and I don't need to be on the last helicopter out / I'm totally GONE(!) in the head, you dig?[2], and ... for crying out loud![3], and goodbye / oh, hello - again![2], and what did I say? / and what did GEORGE SOROS say? / Is everyone awake - NOW?![3], and so DIZZY(!) sick[3], and the world doesn't care about our glorious past ... / ... and what do we look like?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... gotta keep going, man, until I'm totally numb[3], and I ain't got no beautiful balloon / I'm just spinning my way out of the shit, that's all[3], and the hollow men make me laugh ...[3], and I need Tony Robbins in my life more than ever now / Save me, Tony!!![3], and when George Soros speaks ... you fucking listen![3], and dinner? / Baked beans, I'm afraid[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and Jesus H. Christ, make your humble servant totally dumb[3], and now everyone is coming down to my level / Oh, I've been here for years[3], and democracy is the joke that just ain't funny no more[3], and ... WHERE IS OUR NEW MASTER? / Er ... crawling out of a gutter somewhere[3], and ... / ... / ... / ... or crawling out of hell[3], and ... "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste"[3], and I can connect NOTHING with NOTHING / I don't actually want to[3], and the world keeps spinning, just like me / There is no end to the insanity[3], and ... 'Help!' / Ha![3], and I don't need to be on the last helicopter out / I'm totally GONE(!) in the head, you dig?[3], and goodbye / oh, hello - again![3], and

Yippee! Crispin Odey can buy a new hot air balloon

It's all right for some, ain't it? Crispin made a fortune out of Brexit. Hundreds of millions, I think. 'Will he fly away in his beautiful new balloon, boss?' I'm not sure we're that lucky, Voice. He'll probably stick around. There could be more money lying on the ground today. All you've got to do, dear reader(s), is pick it up.

...

Er ... actually, I have some questions about the referendum result -

Why did Boris Johnson and Michael Gove look so miserable and scared on Friday? And why aren't they taking charge now? Are they getting cold feet because they realize they're going to be the rulers of the Waste Land?

Why is Daniel Hannan saying that mass immigration will continue? And is Nigel Farage happy about this?

When are all these exciting new trade deals going to be completed? Or even begun?


London voted to remain in the EU. Why should it continue to bankroll the oldy worldly fantasies of the rest of England?


How come the NHS isn't going to get that extra money?

If Scotland - as looks likely - leaves the Union, in what sense have we got our country back?

Sinn Fein want a referendum now. Who's going to tell them that they can't have one? And then what will happen?

Why do the Brexiters think the other EU countries should play nice? They owe us some favours, do they?

Are we supposed to believe that businesses want to invest in countries that are in a state of chaos? How's Somalia coming along?

If the Brexiters have such a hard-on for the past, is there any particular reason why they can't just buy a box set of Foyle's War from Amazon?

Finally: What's the fucking plan?

Friday, 24 June 2016

EMERGENCY STATEMENT: from the world's foremost financial shaman

We're all doomed!

...

My predictions for the next few years -

A new far right, almost fascist, government (for a while)

Financial and political chaos

Social chaos, unemployment, poverty, homelessness, more racism, maybe riots

Immigration may go down a bit, but could easily stay the same

National debt to go through the roof

The NHS to be sold off

Scotland to leave the Union

...

Er, but on a more positive note -

It's going to be very entertaining watching the new government trying to deliver everything that was promised

Thursday, 23 June 2016

Caroline Gibson has gone to Resmark!

Yes, it's the Thursday morning PR email, back by popular demand.

Los Angeles, the city of angels - The Resmark Companies, a leading private equity firm specializing in U.S. real estate investment, has named Caroline Gibson as Director of U.S. and International Investor Relations. She will lead a new initiative to develop a coalition of U.S. and international institutional investors to augment Resmark's current investor base.

Brilliant!

"Over the past decade Caroline has advised U.S., European and Middle East institutional investors, major real estate companies, banks, endowments and sovereign wealth funds on establishing operations in Europe and the United Kingdom," said Robert N. Goodman, Resmark Chairman and Chief Executive Officer. "She is a trusted advisor to top level executives of these organizations, counseling them on cultural and business customs as well as identifying and hiring appropriate local talent to grow their businesses."

Nice one!

Ms. Gibson will also engage with the emerging manager community to support Resmark's program for investing with and mentoring small real estate managers on behalf of institutional investors. She will work with academic institutions, industry associations and other sector constituents to enhance Resmark's presence in the emerging manager space, including identifying prospective emerging managers that bring diversity and fresh thinking to the field of institutional investing.

And that's all I need to know. Obviously, I wish Caroline all the best with her new job. 'Er ... what about the interview, boss?' Ha! Oh, I've been asked, dear reader(s), if I want an interview with Ms Gibson. Man, I want a date with her! [You haven't seen her picture in the email. Wow! 'Don't be sexist, Mikey!' Shut it, you ponce!]

Blackstone Group has bought a stake in Marathon Asset Management

[Update: Simon has been in touch, and he reckons there are two Marathons. One in New York, the one in this post. And the bigger and better one in London, where he is. I don't know if I should believe him or not. 'Why would he lie, boss?' I don't know. Why have they got the same name then? 'There's a Snickers one in Germany, too.' Don't be ridiculous, Voice! / Let's give Simon the benefit of the doubt, reader(s) - even if it does ruin my post. I'm gutted about this!]

Why? Why?! Why?

Oh, I know why. My dear friend Simon Somerville works at Marathon now (well, soon, I think), and - 'Snickers, boss?' Yes, that's an old joke, Voice - and, uh, and ... EVERYONE loves our Simon. 'Do they?' Yes. 'Why?' Ha!

We all know why. It's the cheerful face with a hint of melancholy. 'Oh, not that again.' Yes, that again. Any soulless robot working in finance can be cheerful. It's easy when you're making good money and you have a bright future. But the melancholy! The melancholy creeps in ... when the sun is setting, you feel a bit lonely, you start thinking about the futility of everything, it's the death of another day in your life, the night is coming on ... it's a true humanity. And that's what Simon Somerville has. It's why we love him so much. It's why Blackstone wants a piece of the action.

...

Anything else? Politics? The referendum? If Leave wins today it won't be because of  "sovereignty" or "democracy" or any bullshit like that, it will be because the working classes have taken their revenge on the middle classes. Think about it, man. The comfortable middle classes in the south of England have supported the Tory austerity war against the poor. They don't give a shit if poor people are using food banks or their children are going to school with holes in their shoes. But today the working classes have a chance to crash property prices by 20 or even 30 per cent. / Unfortunately, a far more deranged government could replace the present one in the coming days. Hopefully, it won't happen. Let's wait and see.

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

Mark Denham has joined Carmignac

For reasons best known to himself. Jesus! I don't know what's going on, reader(s). I mean, it's the middle of the summer season, for God's sake! 'Eh? What's all this about, boss?' Mark Denham is/was a "fund manager" at Aviva Investors, Voice. 'Oh.' Everyone's in the park now, even though the weather ain't great yet. (I'm sure it will get better.) Our Mark should be eating ice cream with the rest of the gang, but ... 'He's gone to Carmignac.' Yeah. I can't understand it.

Carmignac?

The European adventure began in 1999 with the opening of a subsidiary in Luxembourg. Carmignac funds are currently distributed in 12 European countries including Italy, Germany, Spain and the United Kingdom. Er, well, a single challenge from the outset: identify opportunities and sources of growth all around the world while managing risks. How? Christ! Our fund managers and analysts, with 10 different nationalities and unique international experience, apply active management to generate performance on nearly 50 financial marketplaces worldwide.

So ... 'It sounds like a great firm, boss.' It is a great firm, Voice. But why would anyone want to leave Aviva Investors?! 'Well, Carmignac has made our Mark the head of its European equities team.' Yes, but he had a similar position at Aviva Investors. 'Ha! Come on, Mikey, man. We all know what goes on at that place.' Yeah.

Uh, nothing goes on. NOTHING goes on. Only fun, of course. Are they turning against fun now? Why couldn't Mark wait until the autumn, or winter? 'Then he would miss the pub season. Face it, boss, Mr Denham is one of these terrible workaholics.' NO! I refuse to believe that.

I just refuse!

Ah, let's change the subject. I - 'By the way, have you seen the picture of Chris Murphy on the Aviva Investors website?' What? 'He's the global head of equities.' Yes, I know, Voice, he looks like Jack Nicholson. The same features, the same derangement in the eyes. Very amusing.

...

Let's change the subject, please. / Music? I screwed up on the guitar strings, dear reader(s). I thought I was getting some fancy strings with a special space-age resophonic coating, but ... I wasn't. What I was getting was strings for a resonator guitar, for the love of Christ! I've never even heard of such guitars. (Apparently, the guitar on the cover of Dire Straits' Brothers in Arms is a resonator.) So ... I've got even more strings coming today, man. Medium Martins, 80/20 bronze. I normally use lights, but I need a better sound now.

Laters.