Thursday, 16 October 2014

Where did Man Group get all this lovely AUM from?!

Just a short post to finish up the week because I'm knackered again, man. And I don't feel well. / Yeah, Man Group. It has more AUM now than it knows what to do with. 'How much AUM, boss?' $72.3 billion. Up 25 per cent or something. 'Yeah, they're buying stuff though, aren't they? Like Numeric and Pine Grove. It's not the same as good old-fashioned honest work.' Maybe not, Voice. Who are we to judge? / 'What about the new financial crisis?' What crisis?! 'Don't you read the news, man?' Not any more, man. I've given it up. The rune stones are enough for me. 'Whatever.' Don't knock it!

...

Oh! Oh! 'What?' I've got Channel Four News on! (Well, what's this crisis, then?) Stephanie Flanders is hiding her necklace. Ha! Tucked it into her dress. That's my influence, that is. 'How?' I had a go at these posh birds with their big trendy necklaces, don't you remember? Specifically, Steph. 'Oh yeah. You're such a card, boss.' I aim to please.

...

I've got a really bad cold. I hope it's nothing more serious. I gotta go, reader(s). Bye!

[No. 260] Some people will believe anything

Personally, I like to believe nothing. It's safer.

And this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[1], and ... I'm doing it my way[1], and this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[2], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[1], and ... I'm doing it my way[2], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![1], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[2], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![1], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![2], and brains are for slaves[1], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![2], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[1], and brains are for slaves[2], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![1], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[2], and slaves are for Satan[1], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![2], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[1], and slaves are for Satan[2], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[1], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[2], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[1], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[2], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![1], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[2], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[1], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![2], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[1], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[2], and this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[3], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[2], and ... I'm doing it my way[3], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[3], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![3], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![3], and brains are for slaves[3], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[3], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![3], and slaves are for Satan[3], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[3], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[3], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[3], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![3], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[3], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[3], and

And this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[1], and ... I'm doing it my way[1], and this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[2], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[1], and ... I'm doing it my way[2], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![1], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[2], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![1], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![2], and brains are for slaves[1], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![2], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[1], and brains are for slaves[2], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![1], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[2], and slaves are for Satan[1], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![2], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[1], and slaves are for Satan[2], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[1], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[2], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[1], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[2], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![1], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[2], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[1], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![2], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[1], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[2], and this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[3], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[2], and ... I'm doing it my way[3], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[3], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![3], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![3], and brains are for slaves[3], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[3], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![3], and slaves are for Satan[3], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[3], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[3], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[3], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![3], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[3], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[3], and

And this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[1], and ... I'm doing it my way[1], and this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[2], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[1], and ... I'm doing it my way[2], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![1], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[2], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![1], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![2], and brains are for slaves[1], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![2], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[1], and brains are for slaves[2], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![1], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[2], and slaves are for Satan[1], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![2], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[1], and slaves are for Satan[2], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[1], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[2], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[1], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[2], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![1], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[2], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[1], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![2], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[1], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[2], and this is the place for YOU(!) ... if you believe NOTHING you're told, and NOTHING you read[3], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[2], and ... I'm doing it my way[3], and what do you need to know, when you're a-ROUND here all DIZZY out of your head?[3], and ... / Oh, let me tell you, it's a no-brainer![3], and ... / NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING![3], and brains are for slaves[3], and you ... never think what YOU(!) want to think, man / Erich Fromm knew that[3], and we don't want no thoughts / we piss on thoughts / just give us pure emotion, O Lord![3], and slaves are for Satan[3], and what do you believe? / Come on, it's BULLSHIT, mainly, be honest[3], and my only consolation is the size of the universe / oh, and chips[3], and I know you're real worried but ... the economy don't matter, son (daughter) ... so take a day off, yeah?[3], and ... / JUST TAKE A DAY OFF!!![3], and don't you find, the more you get a-ROUND the more you want to get a-ROUND, eh?[3], and if I weren't here, I'd only be in the pub ... down by the river, ah! / Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ...[3], and

The economy is not recovering and unemployment is not going down

That's the bad news. The good news is that government ministers have decided to take a pay cut. To show voters that We're all in it together ministers will now get paid a mere £2 an hour. 'What?!' Oh yes. Of course, it won't harm them at all because they're all millionaires. 'That's a shame.' However, I still think it's a nice gesture. They're showing us that they're not lower than vermin, and they're not nasty. (Theresa May and Nye Bevan were wrong!) They're just misunderstood, that's all.

Right, er ... / 'You live in a dream world, you do, boss.' It's better than the real thing, Voice. / Also, in my dream world, the bad news ... the economy is not recovering and unemployment is not going down. 'Total bollocks!' Listen! Unemployment is somewhere around 10 or 12 per cent, I reckon. Maybe 15 per cent. And the economy is totally screwed unless ... you live on a billion dollar yacht. If you're floating around the world's oceans on a billion dollar yacht, the economy is booming - for you. 'What are you talking about, Mikey?! You're not making any sense.' Voice, this is my fantasy, all right? Just leave me alone. If you want the truth, go to one of the square financial websites. They'll tell you that unemployment is only 6 per cent.

Jesus H. Christ! / Do you know who I feel sorry for, dear reader(s)? I'll tell you, man (woman): It's not the downtrodden, the disabled, the sick, the unemployed, the low paid, the workfare slaves. No! It's the bankers and hedgies who are making investment decisions based on information they get from the government and the media. And that probably means ... YOU! / If you believe all the shit that's being pumped out, you've got some serious problems, boy (girl). Serious fucking problems! You're going to end up sleeping under the arches with the rest of us if you're not careful.

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

[No. 259] If I had $20 million in assets under management ...

You've got to have a dream, man.

And, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[1], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[1], and, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[2], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![1], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[2], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[1], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![2], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[1], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[2], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[1], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[2], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[1], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[2], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[1], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[2], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![1], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[2], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[1], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![2], and all investors are asking for it![1], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![1], and all investors are asking for it![2], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![2], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[1], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[2], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[1], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[2], and, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[3], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[2], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[3], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![3], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[3], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[3], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[3], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[3], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[3], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![3], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[3], and all investors are asking for it![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![3], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[3], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[3], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[3], and

And, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[1], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[1], and, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[2], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![1], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[2], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[1], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![2], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[1], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[2], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[1], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[2], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[1], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[2], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[1], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[2], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![1], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[2], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[1], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![2], and all investors are asking for it![1], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![1], and all investors are asking for it![2], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![2], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[1], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[2], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[1], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[2], and, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[3], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[2], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[3], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![3], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[3], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[3], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[3], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[3], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[3], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![3], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[3], and all investors are asking for it![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![3], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[3], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[3], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[3], and

And, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[1], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[1], and, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[2], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![1], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[2], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[1], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![2], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[1], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[2], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[1], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[2], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[1], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[2], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[1], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[2], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![1], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[2], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[1], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![2], and all investors are asking for it![1], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![1], and all investors are asking for it![2], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![2], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[1], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[2], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[1], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[2], and, well ... (give me a moment - or two), yeah ...[3], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[2], and, er ... / a-ROUND again, Christ ...[3], and when my ship comes in ... you won't see me for dust![3], and oh! ... / another day, another spin a-ROUND, another dream ... I'd be in Malibu with my twenty million[3], and I suffer for my dreams, you know ...[3], and ... yes, my twenty million / possession is nine-tenths of the law, ain't it?[3], and how many Stratocasters and Telecasters and Gibson Les Pauls could I buy? / 'Quite a few, boss'[3], and I tell YOU(!) ... as you want to know ... luxury egg sandwiches would be a regular thing[3], and until my ship comes in ... / Oh, let's get so ooo ... ooo ... ooo ... DIZZY ... YEAH?!!![3], and ... yes, my twenty million! / Dollars or pounds? / I really don't give a shit, son[3], and all investors are asking for it![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Where's that fucking ship?![3], and I can understand the temptations, and I don't judge anyone ... I'm not God! / (yet)[3], and the best thing is to not get involved with money[3], and I don't even manage money, man! / I'm a mystic kook, me[3], and

Where are Vaginak Mkhitaryan and Kim Karapetyan?

Oh dear. Two missing hedgies ... / Everyone's worried about them! Vaginak Mkhitaryan and Kim Karapetyan are lovely guys, by all accounts. But no one knows where they are. They've stopped going into the office, you see. At Blackfield Capital in Russia. Vaginak is the founder of the hedge fund, and Kim is the chief executive. 'Mikey, what about the $20 million in assets under management?' Oh, yeah, er ... the money is missing, too. 'So, you're saying that Vaginak and Kim are missing, and the $20 million they manage is also missing, yeah?' What are you getting at, Voice? Are you trying to suggest some sort of impropriety? 'I just think it's strange, that's all.' Well, keep your nasty little thoughts to yourself! I'm talking about two missing guys here, human beings. Everyone's worried about them. Except you, of course. You've just got filth running through your head! You disgust me sometimes. 'I don't have a head, man. I'm merely a voice, remember?' Shut up! / Can you believe him, dear reader(s)?

...

Let's hope the guys turn up safe and well. Money is only money at the end of the day. Some things are more important ...

Like music! / Music? I'm listening to the Layla album. / Guitar? Yes, there's lots of guitar on the album. 'Your guitar, Mikey!' Oh, my guitar. You want to know about my playing, reader(s)? Well, I did five hours yesterday, which is what Jeff Beck recommends for people who really want to kick ass. Unfortunately, today and tomorrow are big blogging days, so I won't be able to do so much. But I'm making progress, man. That's the main thing. I've been practicing the opening riff to AC/DC's Back in Black.

Lunch? Egg sandwich. Crisps. Yoghurt. Coke. Are you happy now? / What are YOU(!) having? Eh? I don't actually want to know because I respect your privacy, yeah?

No. 259? Later. Laters ...

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Bill Hwang has been banned from trading in Hong Kong for four years

I have a bad, bad feeling that my baby don't live here no more. That's all right, I still got my guitar. Look out now! - Jimi Hendrix, Red House
 
 Er ... / Bill "Tiger" Hwang or Hwang "Bill" Tiger or Tiger "Hwang" - 'What are you doing, boss? It's Bill Hwang, man, from Tiger Asia Management. He was the founder.' Oh, thank God you're back, Voice! I've missed you. I can't do this by myself. 'I was only gone for the weekend.' How are your parents? 'They're fine.' Still dead? 'What do you think?' Well, that's the astral plane for you, man. It is what it is. No one's gonna change it. 'What about this Bill, Mikey?' Yeah, he's been banned for four years, in Hong Kong. Although he's based in New York, I think. 'Forty-four years?!' FOR ... FOUR years. 'Oh right, yeah. What for, man?' Insider trading. 'He'll have to trade somewhere else now, like, er, New York.' Yeah, well, Tiger Asia has been turned into a family office, Archegos Capital Management. 'That old trick.' There's no harm in it, Voice. Everyone's got to earn a living ...

It's so hard these days ... / The problem - as I see it - if you're trading in Hong Kong ... is the dogs and filing cabinets. I mean, the mild-mannered janitors and filing cabinets, yeah? 'What?! Dogs? Filing cabinets?' We've discussed this before, haven't we? 'I don't know.' I'm sure we have. / If you're getting up to trading "shenanigans" and your janitor is a dog who keeps disappearing into the office filing cabinet, there's a good chance he's working for the authorities. 'Oh. / So what's the solution, boss?' The solution is to only hire a human janitor. And get rid of all of your filing cabinets, too - just to be on the safe side.

That's my advice, anyway, to any readers in Hong Kong (or New York, or anywhere, really). If you do that you won't have to turn your hedge fund into a family office.

...

Cheese sandwich? Yes, I'm having a cheese sandwich for lunch. Have you got a problem with it, dear reader(s)?

After lunch ... I might go out, or I might stay in. / I played my guitar for four hours yesterday. 'Forty-four hours?!' Ignore him. I might do the same today.

Actually, I'm pretty sure I will, even if I do pop out for an hour or two. / The way to get ahead in any venture - just ask Tony Robbins - is to analyse what other people are doing. If they're brilliant, model yourself on them. Do what they do. And if they're someone you want to beat, do more than they do. / I've been reading about various famous guitarists who haven't bothered to learn scales and only practice when they feel like picking up the guitar for five minutes. But Hendrix used to play all day long, literally. And people wonder why he was so good. Natural talent is mostly bullshit.

Well, tune in tomorrow for more pearls of wisdom ...

Monday, 13 October 2014

Christopher Buck has gone to Finisterre Capital for some reason

Yeah, Chris has left Barclays Capital. Finisterre Capital is an emerging markets hedge fund, by the way. Are people still interested in emerging markets? I know they were very popular a few years ago ...

I'm not going to dwell on finance for too long tonight. I'm not in the mood, man. However, I may as well tell you that Finisterre Capital is dedicated to delivering risk-controlled, total return investment strategies to the institutional marketplace. The firm manages emerging markets funds in a variety of asset classes, including sovereign debt, local currency debt, foreign exchange, corporate credit, special situations and equity. And Chris? Oh, he was head of Latin America corporate credit research at BarCap. (Is it still called BarCap? I'm out of the loop since Bobby left.) He had a team and that, like they all do.

Well, well ... / Nothing too exciting or unusual, I'm afraid. I can't tell you that Mr Buck is some sort of deranged mystic because he isn't - to my knowledge. And Finisterre? Er ... Finisterre Capital seems to be a normal hedge fund. So, pretty boring, really. But that's fine for a Sunday night/Monday morning.

Normally, I would get my intern, the Voice, to dig a bit deeper. He's not here though. He's visiting his folks on the astral plane. / I couldn't find Chris' LinkedIn profile. So what?! Those profiles are all made up by internet degenerates with too much time on their hands. I reckon only ten per cent are genuine.

...

Music? I'm listening to Eno's Apollo. (No surprises.) The night time is the right time, after all.

It's raining, man.

I don't fancy going to sleep yet. So I'm doing this. / I actually fell asleep watching Downton Abbey earlier. Nothing seems to be happening in that programme any more. The duke or count (or whatever he is) has got to sell a bit more land to raise money. Who gives a shit? Honestly, who gives a shit about some aristocrat who doesn't even exist? The real ones are bad enough. / Christ. It's like an EastEnders for ponces. And don't get me started on that programme! Not even the great Danny Dyer can make it watchable.

I don't watch films or TV shows as much as I used to, you know. The bullshit pisses me off these days. I'm like Holden Caulfield. He hated the phoniness of actors. / I still love Fandango, obviously. My favourite film. And the first two series of Auf Wiedersehen, Pet (from the Eighties, not the later nonsense). But they are more like experiences you live through, rather than something you watch passively. Well, they are for me. They seem real.

...

Oh, I'm going to bed.

Thursday, 9 October 2014

Bill Gross?

Yeah! Why not? Last post of the week. There's no harm in it. / Bill Gross has left Pimco - as we all know. The usual nutjobs have been writing about it. (I've been keeping my powder dry.) Our Bill reckons he left because ... it was time for him to leave. He's been reading the Preacher, no doubt. There is a time for everything, a season. And all is vanity, anyway, so ... who gives a shit, eh?

...

Well ... that's it! 'What, Mikey?!' I've got nothing more to say on the matter, Voice. I'm not going to get all hysterical about it. If Bill wants to work at Janus Capital now, fine. No problem! There are a lot of shamans and mystics there, a lot of oddballs. Bill will fit right in with his global growth pies and inflatable dragons. I wish him the best of luck.

...

Pub? Yeah, pub, er ... tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow ... / Friday comes around so fast. I had triple-cooked chips last week, as a special treat. I'll make do with crisps tomorrow ...

I need to get my hair cut. I need to buy some toothpaste. You don't want to read all this, reader(s) ... / Laters, alligator(s)!

[No. 258] Marci is a mystery

I'm a blank canvas, too.

And / ... another number, another spin ... are we sick yet, or amazingly well?[1], and ... where is she?[1], and / ... another number, another spin ... are we sick yet, or amazingly well?[2], and DIZZY all a-ROUND ... is the only way when you have the pain of nothingness ...[1], and ... where is she?[2], and I love mystery as much as the next mystic, but ...[1], and DIZZY all a-ROUND ... is the only way when you have the pain of nothingness ...[2], and oh Marci, Marci ... / I thought she was going to be meeting us here[1], and I love mystery as much as the next mystic, but ...[2], and / ... have YOU(!) ... seen our Marci?[1], and oh Marci, Marci ... / I thought she was going to be meeting us here[2], and I've got a BAD FEELING ... we're out of luck[1], and / ... have YOU(!) ... seen our Marci?[2], and ... oh![1], and I've got a BAD FEELING ... we're out of luck[2], and feeling ... worse now - surprise, surprise![1], and ... oh![2], and I ...[1], and feeling ... worse now - surprise, surprise![2], and if this lasts forever ... it doesn't bear thinking about![1], and I ...[2], and is there anything sadder than having all the time in the cosmos?[1], and if this lasts forever ... it doesn't bear thinking about![2], and love doesn't live here no more ... so, maybe I should sing the blues[1], and is there anything sadder than having all the time in the cosmos?[2], and I hate mystery, really, I suppose ...[1], and love doesn't live here no more ... so, maybe I should sing the blues[2], and it's a pain, this nothingness, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, no end in sight[1], and I hate mystery, really, I suppose ...[2], and I see my light come shining? No[1], and it's a pain, this nothingness, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, no end in sight[2], and ... / 'You're having chips for dinner, boss, if that's any consolation'[1], and I see my light come shining? No[2], and Magic Marci ... the magic was supposed to have been mine[1], and ... / 'You're having chips for dinner, boss, if that's any consolation'[2], and / ... another number, another spin ... are we sick yet, or amazingly well?[3], and Magic Marci ... the magic was supposed to have been mine[2], and ... where is she?[3], and DIZZY all a-ROUND ... is the only way when you have the pain of nothingness ...[3], and I love mystery as much as the next mystic, but ...[3], and oh Marci, Marci ... / I thought she was going to be meeting us here[3], and / ... have YOU(!) ... seen our Marci?[3], and I've got a BAD FEELING ... we're out of luck[3], and ... oh![3], and feeling ... worse now - surprise, surprise![3], and I ...[3], and if this lasts forever ... it doesn't bear thinking about![3], and is there anything sadder than having all the time in the cosmos?[3], and love doesn't live here no more ... so, maybe I should sing the blues[3], and I hate mystery, really, I suppose ...[3], and it's a pain, this nothingness, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, no end in sight[3], and I see my light come shining? No[3], and ... / 'You're having chips for dinner, boss, if that's any consolation'[3], and Magic Marci ... the magic was supposed to have been mine[3], and

And / ... another number, another spin ... are we sick yet, or amazingly well?[1], and ... where is she?[1], and / ... another number, another spin ... are we sick yet, or amazingly well?[2], and DIZZY all a-ROUND ... is the only way when you have the pain of nothingness ...[1], and ... where is she?[2], and I love mystery as much as the next mystic, but ...[1], and DIZZY all a-ROUND ... is the only way when you have the pain of nothingness ...[2], and oh Marci, Marci ... / I thought she was going to be meeting us here[1], and I love mystery as much as the next mystic, but ...[2], and / ... have YOU(!) ... seen our Marci?[1], and oh Marci, Marci ... / I thought she was going to be meeting us here[2], and I've got a BAD FEELING ... we're out of luck[1], and / ... have YOU(!) ... seen our Marci?[2], and ... oh![1], and I've got a BAD FEELING ... we're out of luck[2], and feeling ... worse now - surprise, surprise![1], and ... oh![2], and I ...[1], and feeling ... worse now - surprise, surprise![2], and if this lasts forever ... it doesn't bear thinking about![1], and I ...[2], and is there anything sadder than having all the time in the cosmos?[1], and if this lasts forever ... it doesn't bear thinking about![2], and love doesn't live here no more ... so, maybe I should sing the blues[1], and is there anything sadder than having all the time in the cosmos?[2], and I hate mystery, really, I suppose ...[1], and love doesn't live here no more ... so, maybe I should sing the blues[2], and it's a pain, this nothingness, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, no end in sight[1], and I hate mystery, really, I suppose ...[2], and I see my light come shining? No[1], and it's a pain, this nothingness, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, no end in sight[2], and ... / 'You're having chips for dinner, boss, if that's any consolation'[1], and I see my light come shining? No[2], and Magic Marci ... the magic was supposed to have been mine[1], and ... / 'You're having chips for dinner, boss, if that's any consolation'[2], and / ... another number, another spin ... are we sick yet, or amazingly well?[3], and Magic Marci ... the magic was supposed to have been mine[2], and ... where is she?[3], and DIZZY all a-ROUND ... is the only way when you have the pain of nothingness ...[3], and I love mystery as much as the next mystic, but ...[3], and oh Marci, Marci ... / I thought she was going to be meeting us here[3], and / ... have YOU(!) ... seen our Marci?[3], and I've got a BAD FEELING ... we're out of luck[3], and ... oh![3], and feeling ... worse now - surprise, surprise![3], and I ...[3], and if this lasts forever ... it doesn't bear thinking about![3], and is there anything sadder than having all the time in the cosmos?[3], and love doesn't live here no more ... so, maybe I should sing the blues[3], and I hate mystery, really, I suppose ...[3], and it's a pain, this nothingness, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, no end in sight[3], and I see my light come shining? No[3], and ... / 'You're having chips for dinner, boss, if that's any consolation'[3], and Magic Marci ... the magic was supposed to have been mine[3], and

And / ... another number, another spin ... are we sick yet, or amazingly well?[1], and ... where is she?[1], and / ... another number, another spin ... are we sick yet, or amazingly well?[2], and DIZZY all a-ROUND ... is the only way when you have the pain of nothingness ...[1], and ... where is she?[2], and I love mystery as much as the next mystic, but ...[1], and DIZZY all a-ROUND ... is the only way when you have the pain of nothingness ...[2], and oh Marci, Marci ... / I thought she was going to be meeting us here[1], and I love mystery as much as the next mystic, but ...[2], and / ... have YOU(!) ... seen our Marci?[1], and oh Marci, Marci ... / I thought she was going to be meeting us here[2], and I've got a BAD FEELING ... we're out of luck[1], and / ... have YOU(!) ... seen our Marci?[2], and ... oh![1], and I've got a BAD FEELING ... we're out of luck[2], and feeling ... worse now - surprise, surprise![1], and ... oh![2], and I ...[1], and feeling ... worse now - surprise, surprise![2], and if this lasts forever ... it doesn't bear thinking about![1], and I ...[2], and is there anything sadder than having all the time in the cosmos?[1], and if this lasts forever ... it doesn't bear thinking about![2], and love doesn't live here no more ... so, maybe I should sing the blues[1], and is there anything sadder than having all the time in the cosmos?[2], and I hate mystery, really, I suppose ...[1], and love doesn't live here no more ... so, maybe I should sing the blues[2], and it's a pain, this nothingness, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, no end in sight[1], and I hate mystery, really, I suppose ...[2], and I see my light come shining? No[1], and it's a pain, this nothingness, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, no end in sight[2], and ... / 'You're having chips for dinner, boss, if that's any consolation'[1], and I see my light come shining? No[2], and Magic Marci ... the magic was supposed to have been mine[1], and ... / 'You're having chips for dinner, boss, if that's any consolation'[2], and / ... another number, another spin ... are we sick yet, or amazingly well?[3], and Magic Marci ... the magic was supposed to have been mine[2], and ... where is she?[3], and DIZZY all a-ROUND ... is the only way when you have the pain of nothingness ...[3], and I love mystery as much as the next mystic, but ...[3], and oh Marci, Marci ... / I thought she was going to be meeting us here[3], and / ... have YOU(!) ... seen our Marci?[3], and I've got a BAD FEELING ... we're out of luck[3], and ... oh![3], and feeling ... worse now - surprise, surprise![3], and I ...[3], and if this lasts forever ... it doesn't bear thinking about![3], and is there anything sadder than having all the time in the cosmos?[3], and love doesn't live here no more ... so, maybe I should sing the blues[3], and I hate mystery, really, I suppose ...[3], and it's a pain, this nothingness, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, no end in sight[3], and I see my light come shining? No[3], and ... / 'You're having chips for dinner, boss, if that's any consolation'[3], and Magic Marci ... the magic was supposed to have been mine[3], and

Who is Marci Lauren Riddell?

Who is she? No one seems to know. 'You don't seem to know, you mean.' All right, Voice. I don't seem to know. Are you happy now? / Actually, I'm happy because it means I can work my magic. I love a blank canvas!

Marci Lauren Riddell has gone to work at Sorin Capital Management. 'Never heard of it, Mikey.' Neither have I. But I'm sure the firm exists. I'm sure it has funds and stuff. 'Oh, see if you can dig this, man - Sorin Capital Management takes a fundamental private equity investment approach to the CMBS and REIT sectors with an intermediate investment horizon. Does that mean anything to you?' No. Why would it? 'You're hard to please, boss.' I'm not in the mood this morning, man ...

However, I will struggle on ... / Marci has worked at Optima Fund Management. Marci has worked at SAC Capital Advisors. She's into marketing and business development. ('Oh.' Someone's got to do it.) And Sorin has $550 million in assets under management ... maybe more, I don't know.

...

There's nothing else I can say. I'm feeling depressed. (Not happy at all.) No particular reason. It just hits me sometimes.

Maybe a blank canvas should stay blank. Saying nothing, knowing nothing, will be my masterpiece.

Unfortunately, I have to write a conceptual this afternoon, No. 258. Don't ask me why. I just have to do it.

I'll take Marci for a spin. It might make me feel better. 'It might make Marci feel better.' Yeah.

...

Lunch? Cheese sandwich. Anything else you need to know about my private life, dear reader(s)? The fucking nerve of you people ...

Guitar? Well, well, er ... it's a busy blogging day, but I'll fit a bit in. / Ten weeks to Christmas! I'll be all right by then: a solid rhythm player, and a very good lead player.

Next year I'll take it to the David Gilmour level ... and maybe beyond. Eric Clapton? You never know. Watch this space! I'm feeling a bit happier now ...