Thursday, 23 March 2017

Article 50 countdown? Oh, investors need to prepare!

Who says? 'Yeah, who says, boss?' Er, not me. Although I would give the same advice. No, it's Nigel Green. 'Nigel Green? You mean the founder and CEO of the Bubbles deVere Group?' That's the guy, Voice. You remember him. 'How could I forget our Nigel?' Well, it wouldn't be easy. / Anyway ...

Investors need to prepare now for three key issues ahead of Britain formally starting divorce proceedings with the EU next Wednesday, affirms the boss of one of the world's largest independent financial advisory organizations.

Yeah, PR email, dear reader(s). So?

The comments from Nigel Green, Bubbles deVere Group's founder and CEO, come as the countdown begins for the UK Prime Minister, Theresa May, to trigger Article 50 of the Lisbon Treaty on Wednesday 29 March.

Okay. What does our Nigel say, then? 'State.' Yeah, state.

Mr Green states: "By this time next week Britain will have officially started the process of unravelling itself from the European Union. This is one of the most complex negotiations in political history with global consequences, and as with most divorce proceedings, it is unlikely to be completely smooth sailing. As such, investors need to ensure their portfolios are Brexit-proofed."

Fine. But I'm sure he's got more to state than that. 'Boss - !'

He continues: "With the clock ticking on the starting pistol being fired, investors need to prepare now for three key issues. First, be prepared for increased market volatility. Uncertainty creates tidal waves of volatility across financial markets - and the Brexit negotiations represent a huge unknown. Against a backdrop of growing volatility, investors need to ensure that their portfolios are truly diversified. This means investing across geographical regions, sectors and asset classes. Those with a well-diversified portfolio are always best-placed to mitigate risk in times of market turbulence, and best-placed to take advantage of the opportunities. UK assets, are likely to feel the heat. Investors should consider taking precautions against the potentially significant adverse effects of Brexit on UK assets, which they can do by increasing exposure to overseas investments."

Hang on! Overseas investments?! Would that be patriotic? 'No.' Well, never mind.

"Second, be prepared for sterling to experience further swings. The pound fell 10 per cent against the dollar in the week after the referendum to leave the EU. Similarly, it dipped this week when Theresa May confirmed the trigger date of Article 50. Sterling is currently considered cheap, considering the underlying buoyancy of the British economy, now forecast to grow 2 per cent in 2017. This is a buying opportunity for some investors. However, with an enormous question mark hanging over the negotiations, and the creeping inflation, the pound's current low value might not last."

Okay. And third? 'Give him a chance, boss!' I am giving him a chance. I'm just saying - and third? That's all.

"And third, be prepared for the far-reaching impact of higher UK inflation and higher interest rates. This week, inflation hit its highest level in more than three years - and smashed the Bank of England's official target. This has raised expectations that interest rates could be hiked sooner rather than later. This new landscape will present a new set of winners and losers for investors. A good financial adviser will help them select the right investments and, crucially, at the right time."

Right. That's it, then. 'Boss - !' Christ!

Mr Green concludes: "A lot has happened since the EU referendum in June 2016, and today the economy is facing a very different set of issues. The economic landscape will continue to shift significantly during the two-year negotiation period. Investors need to remain aware and agile and ensure their portfolios are Brexit-proofed."

Okay. Our Nigel is basically saying that the UK is doomed, and it's every investor for himself, herself now. So be it!

...

Anything else? Music? No! As you may be aware, dear reader(s), this is a finance blog. I can't talk about music no more. 'Ha!' It wouldn't be right, man.

Have a nice weekend, reader(s)! Laters.

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

[No. 499] Tomorrow? It's today, man!

Oh, let us live in the moment, please!

And today[1], and ... it's RIGHT NOW(!!!), you dig?[1], and today[2], and I can't put off what I need ... to live today / every second is precious to me - and you?[1], and ... it's RIGHT NOW(!!!), you dig?[2], and we must spin while the iron is HOT(!)[1], and I can't put off what I need ... to live today / every second is precious to me - and you?[2], and don't make me beg for your belief / and there is a THREE, and we must get beyond it[1], and we must spin while the iron is HOT(!)[2], and pot of gold, shit, no[1], and don't make me beg for your belief / and there is a THREE, and we must get beyond it[2], and I keep moving forward only to get back here / and, oh, I ain't complaining, son, daughter[1], and pot of gold, shit, no[2], and who the fuck would listen anyway?![1], and I keep moving forward only to get back here / and, oh, I ain't complaining, son, daughter[2], and this, this, this - !!![1], and who the fuck would listen anyway?![2], and maybe there are moments in the COLD WORLD ... but they are shit, honestly[1], and this, this, this - !!![2], and it's our moment / oh, do you believe, kook?[1], and maybe there are moments in the COLD WORLD ... but they are shit, honestly[2], and I've been out there and got the T-shirt, ha![1], and it's our moment / oh, do you believe, kook?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... tell me, will it ever come again?[1], and I've been out there and got the T-shirt, ha![2], and yes, yes, yes, surely![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... tell me, will it ever come again?[2], and don't talk to me about tomorrow / tomorrow never comes when you're DIZZY(!) out of your mind[1], and yes, yes, yes, surely![2], and it's just the fucking MOMENT!!![1], and don't talk to me about tomorrow / tomorrow never comes when you're DIZZY(!) out of your mind[2], and let the slaves and idiots get lost in the days ... [1], and it's just the fucking MOMENT!!![2], and, uh ... I'm thinking too much now / Christ, where are my feelings?![1], and let the slaves and idiots get lost in the days ... [2], and consciousness ness is exhausting ...[1], and, uh ... I'm thinking too much now / Christ, where are my feelings?![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can make me feel the whole cosmos, so ...[1], and consciousness ness is exhausting ...[2], and two trillion galaxies at the last count[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can make me feel the whole cosmos, so ...[2], and I'm here ... going nowhere, man![1], and two trillion galaxies at the last count[2], and today[3], and I'm here ... going nowhere, man![2], and ... it's RIGHT NOW(!!!), you dig?[3], and I can't put off what I need ... to live today / every second is precious to me - and you?[3], and we must spin while the iron is HOT(!)[3], and don't make me beg for your belief / and there is a THREE, and we must get beyond it[3], and pot of gold, shit, no[3], and I keep moving forward only to get back here / and, oh, I ain't complaining, son, daughter[3], and who the fuck would listen anyway?![3], and this, this, this - !!![3], and maybe there are moments in the COLD WORLD ... but they are shit, honestly[3], and it's our moment / oh, do you believe, kook?[3], and I've been out there and got the T-shirt, ha![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... tell me, will it ever come again?[3], and yes, yes, yes, surely![3], and don't talk to me about tomorrow / tomorrow never comes when you're DIZZY(!) out of your mind[3], and it's just the fucking MOMENT!!![3], and let the slaves and idiots get lost in the days ... [3], and, uh ... I'm thinking too much now / Christ, where are my feelings?![3], and consciousness ness is exhausting ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can make me feel the whole cosmos, so ...[3], and two trillion galaxies at the last count[3], and I'm here ... going nowhere, man![3], and

And today[1], and ... it's RIGHT NOW(!!!), you dig?[1], and today[2], and I can't put off what I need ... to live today / every second is precious to me - and you?[1], and ... it's RIGHT NOW(!!!), you dig?[2], and we must spin while the iron is HOT(!)[1], and I can't put off what I need ... to live today / every second is precious to me - and you?[2], and don't make me beg for your belief / and there is a THREE, and we must get beyond it[1], and we must spin while the iron is HOT(!)[2], and pot of gold, shit, no[1], and don't make me beg for your belief / and there is a THREE, and we must get beyond it[2], and I keep moving forward only to get back here / and, oh, I ain't complaining, son, daughter[1], and pot of gold, shit, no[2], and who the fuck would listen anyway?![1], and I keep moving forward only to get back here / and, oh, I ain't complaining, son, daughter[2], and this, this, this - !!![1], and who the fuck would listen anyway?![2], and maybe there are moments in the COLD WORLD ... but they are shit, honestly[1], and this, this, this - !!![2], and it's our moment / oh, do you believe, kook?[1], and maybe there are moments in the COLD WORLD ... but they are shit, honestly[2], and I've been out there and got the T-shirt, ha![1], and it's our moment / oh, do you believe, kook?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... tell me, will it ever come again?[1], and I've been out there and got the T-shirt, ha![2], and yes, yes, yes, surely![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... tell me, will it ever come again?[2], and don't talk to me about tomorrow / tomorrow never comes when you're DIZZY(!) out of your mind[1], and yes, yes, yes, surely![2], and it's just the fucking MOMENT!!![1], and don't talk to me about tomorrow / tomorrow never comes when you're DIZZY(!) out of your mind[2], and let the slaves and idiots get lost in the days ... [1], and it's just the fucking MOMENT!!![2], and, uh ... I'm thinking too much now / Christ, where are my feelings?![1], and let the slaves and idiots get lost in the days ... [2], and consciousness ness is exhausting ...[1], and, uh ... I'm thinking too much now / Christ, where are my feelings?![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can make me feel the whole cosmos, so ...[1], and consciousness ness is exhausting ...[2], and two trillion galaxies at the last count[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can make me feel the whole cosmos, so ...[2], and I'm here ... going nowhere, man![1], and two trillion galaxies at the last count[2], and today[3], and I'm here ... going nowhere, man![2], and ... it's RIGHT NOW(!!!), you dig?[3], and I can't put off what I need ... to live today / every second is precious to me - and you?[3], and we must spin while the iron is HOT(!)[3], and don't make me beg for your belief / and there is a THREE, and we must get beyond it[3], and pot of gold, shit, no[3], and I keep moving forward only to get back here / and, oh, I ain't complaining, son, daughter[3], and who the fuck would listen anyway?![3], and this, this, this - !!![3], and maybe there are moments in the COLD WORLD ... but they are shit, honestly[3], and it's our moment / oh, do you believe, kook?[3], and I've been out there and got the T-shirt, ha![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... tell me, will it ever come again?[3], and yes, yes, yes, surely![3], and don't talk to me about tomorrow / tomorrow never comes when you're DIZZY(!) out of your mind[3], and it's just the fucking MOMENT!!![3], and let the slaves and idiots get lost in the days ... [3], and, uh ... I'm thinking too much now / Christ, where are my feelings?![3], and consciousness ness is exhausting ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can make me feel the whole cosmos, so ...[3], and two trillion galaxies at the last count[3], and I'm here ... going nowhere, man![3], and

And today[1], and ... it's RIGHT NOW(!!!), you dig?[1], and today[2], and I can't put off what I need ... to live today / every second is precious to me - and you?[1], and ... it's RIGHT NOW(!!!), you dig?[2], and we must spin while the iron is HOT(!)[1], and I can't put off what I need ... to live today / every second is precious to me - and you?[2], and don't make me beg for your belief / and there is a THREE, and we must get beyond it[1], and we must spin while the iron is HOT(!)[2], and pot of gold, shit, no[1], and don't make me beg for your belief / and there is a THREE, and we must get beyond it[2], and I keep moving forward only to get back here / and, oh, I ain't complaining, son, daughter[1], and pot of gold, shit, no[2], and who the fuck would listen anyway?![1], and I keep moving forward only to get back here / and, oh, I ain't complaining, son, daughter[2], and this, this, this - !!![1], and who the fuck would listen anyway?![2], and maybe there are moments in the COLD WORLD ... but they are shit, honestly[1], and this, this, this - !!![2], and it's our moment / oh, do you believe, kook?[1], and maybe there are moments in the COLD WORLD ... but they are shit, honestly[2], and I've been out there and got the T-shirt, ha![1], and it's our moment / oh, do you believe, kook?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... tell me, will it ever come again?[1], and I've been out there and got the T-shirt, ha![2], and yes, yes, yes, surely![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... tell me, will it ever come again?[2], and don't talk to me about tomorrow / tomorrow never comes when you're DIZZY(!) out of your mind[1], and yes, yes, yes, surely![2], and it's just the fucking MOMENT!!![1], and don't talk to me about tomorrow / tomorrow never comes when you're DIZZY(!) out of your mind[2], and let the slaves and idiots get lost in the days ... [1], and it's just the fucking MOMENT!!![2], and, uh ... I'm thinking too much now / Christ, where are my feelings?![1], and let the slaves and idiots get lost in the days ... [2], and consciousness ness is exhausting ...[1], and, uh ... I'm thinking too much now / Christ, where are my feelings?![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can make me feel the whole cosmos, so ...[1], and consciousness ness is exhausting ...[2], and two trillion galaxies at the last count[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can make me feel the whole cosmos, so ...[2], and I'm here ... going nowhere, man![1], and two trillion galaxies at the last count[2], and today[3], and I'm here ... going nowhere, man![2], and ... it's RIGHT NOW(!!!), you dig?[3], and I can't put off what I need ... to live today / every second is precious to me - and you?[3], and we must spin while the iron is HOT(!)[3], and don't make me beg for your belief / and there is a THREE, and we must get beyond it[3], and pot of gold, shit, no[3], and I keep moving forward only to get back here / and, oh, I ain't complaining, son, daughter[3], and who the fuck would listen anyway?![3], and this, this, this - !!![3], and maybe there are moments in the COLD WORLD ... but they are shit, honestly[3], and it's our moment / oh, do you believe, kook?[3], and I've been out there and got the T-shirt, ha![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... tell me, will it ever come again?[3], and yes, yes, yes, surely![3], and don't talk to me about tomorrow / tomorrow never comes when you're DIZZY(!) out of your mind[3], and it's just the fucking MOMENT!!![3], and let the slaves and idiots get lost in the days ... [3], and, uh ... I'm thinking too much now / Christ, where are my feelings?![3], and consciousness ness is exhausting ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can make me feel the whole cosmos, so ...[3], and two trillion galaxies at the last count[3], and I'm here ... going nowhere, man![3], and

May River Capital has raised $165 million for its first fund

Congratulations are in order, I think. Well, I truly believe. Uh, well done, guys!

Founded in 2012, May River Capital is a Chicago-based private equity investment firm focused on small, high-caliber, industrial growth businesses that have the potential to be transformed into larger, more valuable enterprises. We take pride in our culture of partnership and collaboration - a characteristic that is rooted in a fundamental appreciation for teams and the human element in business.

You see, Voice? Voice? 'Hello, boss.' You see? 'Well, I see that May River Capital was founded in 2012. It's only taken them five years to get their first fund together. FFS!' Don't be like that, man. Good things take time, you know this. I mean, I'm thinking about rewriting the chorus lyric to (one of my two) my best song(s). 'Christ!' What? 'When will it ever end?' Shut up! I'm a perfectionist.

Anyway, yeah, $165 million. They probably could have got more than that. A lot more, but ... / Oh, oh, Voice. 'What?' Guess what they're calling this fund. 'I don't know.' Guess. Go on! 'I really have no idea. I suppose it's something imaginative like, er ... May River Fund I.' Bloody hell! How did you guess that? 'I just got lucky.' I'm impressed, man.

Oh, dear, dear reader(s), they've got philosophy, too. I love a firm with philosophy. It shows a bit of class. Do you know what I mean? Here's theirs -

PHILOSOPHY

It's a simple thought, but one that is fundamental to how we work and collaborate with others. Born out of experience and our upbringing in family-owned industrial companies, we believe that success is the sum total of many small decisions. We put to work every day a back-to-basics approach to building teams and strong business cultures.


Not bad, eh? Not bad at all.

...

That's enough, enough finance. Music? 'Yes!' No, no, no ... film. 'Oh.' I watched Citizen Kane last night, for the first time in years. (I bought the DVD yesterday.) It's such a monumental masterpiece. It really is the greatest film ever. And it's seventy-six years old now! And no other film has been able to get close to it. I'd love to record an album that good. A work that is future-proof, you dig? [However, my focus is on individual songs at the moment.]

Yes, music again. I'll stop writing about music soon BECAUSE(!) ... this is a finance blog, believe it or not. 'Ha!' Yeah. / I might change the chorus lyric, I might not. I've still got a bit of time ...

And small decisions! Like the May River guys said. 'Eh?' That's my philosophy, too, man. Or small inspirations, one after another, which can add up to something magnificent.

Anyway, laters. Tomorrow. 'And tomorrow?' Tomorrow!

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Akeneo raises £10,5 million to improve e-commerce product management

Okay, okay. 'Boss!' What, Voice? 'What's that ten comma five?' Eh? 'In your title, man. Ten comma five.' Oh, that. Uh, that's not my title. It's from the PR email. For some reason they didn't want to put ten point five. 'Well, it takes all sorts, I suppose.' Yeah.

French-American start-up Akeneo has raised £10,5 million from Partech and Alven Capital. Akeneo is the leading provider of open-source product information management (PIM) software, a resource that is becoming increasingly important for companies competing in e-commerce. The capital raised will enable Akeneo to accelerate its development internationally and to strengthen its R&D team.

Right. If you're wondering, dear reader(s), why I'm doing a PR email again, there's two reasons. Firstly, I've looked around, but haven't seen any news I like today. 'Ha!' But secondly, I'm a lazy bastard. These PR people just lay it on a plate. 'Yeah, but they're liars, boss.' What?! Who says?! 'Well, not liars, exactly. But they're just promoting stuff, ain't they?' Oh, like journalists, you mean? 'Well, that's another story. I don't think we have the time to go into whether journalists -' Shut up! This is my blog, you utter idiot! / Anyway ...

Akeneo, founded in France in 2013, has created a collaborative open source platform to optimize product information management. PIM has been likened to customer-relation management (CRM) for products: it brings together detailed, high-quality data about products across sales channels, helping manufacturers and e-commerce companies better manage and market products, improve conversion rates, enhance SEO, and improve productivity. The Akeneo PIM solution also makes it possible to scale and customize e-commerce initiatives far more rapidly.

Okay, okay. I'll tell you, dear reader(s), it's at times like this that I ask myself: "What does Frédéric de Gombert have to say about this affair?" Unfortunately ... 'Boss! Look! -'

"We work with many brands and distributors that are in the process of moving their operations definitively into the e-commerce world," said Akeneo CEO and cofounder Frédéric de Gombert. "Our belief is that there cannot be effective and lasting digital transformation if it does not include product data quality as a core focus."

Well, that is a surprise! Nice one, Voice, for spotting that. I forgive your earlier idiocy. 'Very wise, boss. I mean, you know what I'm like.' Yeah. / Right, just a bit more, then we can talk about music or politics or something.

Akeneo was co-founded by four entrepreneurs with deep backgrounds in e-commerce. The co-founders include three French entrepreneurs: CEO Frédéric de Gombert, engineering lead Nicolas Dupont and CTO Benoit Jacquemont, and one American, Yoav Kutner. Kutner was a co-founder of Magento, one of the leading global e-commerce platforms, which was purchased by Ebay in 2011. Investor Roy Rubin, a former CEO and co-founder of Magento, also joined the Akeneo board in 2016.

Okay.

...

Okay, okay. Anything else? Music? I'm listening to The Stone Roses, various tracks, like. / I think the chances of a classic third album to match the first one are pretty slim now. However, we still have the old stuff, don't we? 'Boss, why didn't you have a word with Ian Brown about it, when you bumped into him in the street?' Ha! I'm too shy, man.

My music? Well ... ah, don't worry about it, reader(s), for Christ's sake! After Easter, all right? I'm having a week off soon, anyway. And you're all finance, so why do you care? Just forget about it. FFS!

Monday, 20 March 2017

[No. 498] I'm listening to Beethoven's Ninth Symphony

RIGHT NOW!!!

And here we are, again, Christ![1], and with music, so ...[1], and here we are, again, Christ![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... I feel that the joint is spinning, or ... is it just me?[1], and with music, so ...[2], and, uh ... with classic classical now[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... I feel that the joint is spinning, or ... is it just me?[2], and aren't there any electric guitars? Never mind ...[1], and, uh ... with classic classical now[2], and I can see Napoleon on his horse! / 'That was the other one, Mikey' / Ha! It's all of them, Voice[1], and aren't there any electric guitars? Never mind ...[2], and ... COME ON!!![1], and I can see Napoleon on his horse! / 'That was the other one, Mikey' / Ha! It's all of them, Voice[2], and no, no, no ... don't you roll over Beethoven, my old son - !!! / Even if you ain't got no guitars[1], and ... COME ON!!![2], and it's very long ... a symphony, eh?[1], and no, no, no ... don't you roll over Beethoven, my old son - !!! / Even if you ain't got no guitars[2], and maybe horses, horses, horses ... would have been better[1], and it's very long ... a symphony, eh?[2], and we're stuck with it, I suppose[1], and maybe horses, horses, horses ... would have been better[2], and Beethoven used his music as a crutch, according to Colin Wilson, to reach ... higher states, man![1], and we're stuck with it, I suppose[2], and a-ROUND so timeless ... you dig?[1], and Beethoven used his music as a crutch, according to Colin Wilson, to reach ... higher states, man![2], and doing it deaf? Oh, I could do this blind / The words mean nothing, so ...[1], and a-ROUND so timeless ... you dig?[2], and it makes a nice change from rock and roll[1], and doing it deaf? Oh, I could do this blind / The words mean nothing, so ...[2], and some fat guy has started singing, for the love of Christ![1], and it makes a nice change from rock and roll[2], and I guess that Beethoven wasn't too keen on mortality, just guessing, like[1], and some fat guy has started singing, for the love of Christ![2], and, Voice, get me ... everyone[1], and I guess that Beethoven wasn't too keen on mortality, just guessing, like[2], and ... for this[1], and, Voice, get me ... everyone[2], and running, running, running ... to the lake, and then ... the stars, the whole cosmos![1], and ... for this[2], and you gotta keep going, getting better, creating until you are dead[1], and running, running, running ... to the lake, and then ... the stars, the whole cosmos![2], and I don't even know how much money he had, and I don't care / does it matter?[1], and you gotta keep going, getting better, creating until you are dead[2], and THE END is not final / there is no end[1], and I don't even know how much money he had, and I don't care / does it matter?[2], and here we are, again, Christ![3], and THE END is not final / there is no end[2], and with music, so ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... I feel that the joint is spinning, or ... is it just me?[3], and, uh ... with classic classical now[3], and aren't there any electric guitars? Never mind ...[3], and I can see Napoleon on his horse! / 'That was the other one, Mikey' / Ha! It's all of them, Voice[3], and ... COME ON!!![3], and no, no, no ... don't you roll over Beethoven, my old son - !!! / Even if you ain't got no guitars[3], and it's very long ... a symphony, eh?[3], and maybe horses, horses, horses ... would have been better[3], and we're stuck with it, I suppose[3], and Beethoven used his music as a crutch, according to Colin Wilson, to reach ... higher states, man![3], and a-ROUND so timeless ... you dig?[3], and doing it deaf? Oh, I could do this blind / The words mean nothing, so ...[3], and it makes a nice change from rock and roll[3], and some fat guy has started singing, for the love of Christ![3], and I guess that Beethoven wasn't too keen on mortality, just guessing, like[3], and, Voice, get me ... everyone[3], and ... for this[3], and running, running, running ... to the lake, and then ... the stars, the whole cosmos![3], and you gotta keep going, getting better, creating until you are dead[3], and I don't even know how much money he had, and I don't care / does it matter?[3], and THE END is not final / there is no end[3], and

And here we are, again, Christ![1], and with music, so ...[1], and here we are, again, Christ![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... I feel that the joint is spinning, or ... is it just me?[1], and with music, so ...[2], and, uh ... with classic classical now[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... I feel that the joint is spinning, or ... is it just me?[2], and aren't there any electric guitars? Never mind ...[1], and, uh ... with classic classical now[2], and I can see Napoleon on his horse! / 'That was the other one, Mikey' / Ha! It's all of them, Voice[1], and aren't there any electric guitars? Never mind ...[2], and ... COME ON!!![1], and I can see Napoleon on his horse! / 'That was the other one, Mikey' / Ha! It's all of them, Voice[2], and no, no, no ... don't you roll over Beethoven, my old son - !!! / Even if you ain't got no guitars[1], and ... COME ON!!![2], and it's very long ... a symphony, eh?[1], and no, no, no ... don't you roll over Beethoven, my old son - !!! / Even if you ain't got no guitars[2], and maybe horses, horses, horses ... would have been better[1], and it's very long ... a symphony, eh?[2], and we're stuck with it, I suppose[1], and maybe horses, horses, horses ... would have been better[2], and Beethoven used his music as a crutch, according to Colin Wilson, to reach ... higher states, man![1], and we're stuck with it, I suppose[2], and a-ROUND so timeless ... you dig?[1], and Beethoven used his music as a crutch, according to Colin Wilson, to reach ... higher states, man![2], and doing it deaf? Oh, I could do this blind / The words mean nothing, so ...[1], and a-ROUND so timeless ... you dig?[2], and it makes a nice change from rock and roll[1], and doing it deaf? Oh, I could do this blind / The words mean nothing, so ...[2], and some fat guy has started singing, for the love of Christ![1], and it makes a nice change from rock and roll[2], and I guess that Beethoven wasn't too keen on mortality, just guessing, like[1], and some fat guy has started singing, for the love of Christ![2], and, Voice, get me ... everyone[1], and I guess that Beethoven wasn't too keen on mortality, just guessing, like[2], and ... for this[1], and, Voice, get me ... everyone[2], and running, running, running ... to the lake, and then ... the stars, the whole cosmos![1], and ... for this[2], and you gotta keep going, getting better, creating until you are dead[1], and running, running, running ... to the lake, and then ... the stars, the whole cosmos![2], and I don't even know how much money he had, and I don't care / does it matter?[1], and you gotta keep going, getting better, creating until you are dead[2], and THE END is not final / there is no end[1], and I don't even know how much money he had, and I don't care / does it matter?[2], and here we are, again, Christ![3], and THE END is not final / there is no end[2], and with music, so ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... I feel that the joint is spinning, or ... is it just me?[3], and, uh ... with classic classical now[3], and aren't there any electric guitars? Never mind ...[3], and I can see Napoleon on his horse! / 'That was the other one, Mikey' / Ha! It's all of them, Voice[3], and ... COME ON!!![3], and no, no, no ... don't you roll over Beethoven, my old son - !!! / Even if you ain't got no guitars[3], and it's very long ... a symphony, eh?[3], and maybe horses, horses, horses ... would have been better[3], and we're stuck with it, I suppose[3], and Beethoven used his music as a crutch, according to Colin Wilson, to reach ... higher states, man![3], and a-ROUND so timeless ... you dig?[3], and doing it deaf? Oh, I could do this blind / The words mean nothing, so ...[3], and it makes a nice change from rock and roll[3], and some fat guy has started singing, for the love of Christ![3], and I guess that Beethoven wasn't too keen on mortality, just guessing, like[3], and, Voice, get me ... everyone[3], and ... for this[3], and running, running, running ... to the lake, and then ... the stars, the whole cosmos![3], and you gotta keep going, getting better, creating until you are dead[3], and I don't even know how much money he had, and I don't care / does it matter?[3], and THE END is not final / there is no end[3], and

And here we are, again, Christ![1], and with music, so ...[1], and here we are, again, Christ![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... I feel that the joint is spinning, or ... is it just me?[1], and with music, so ...[2], and, uh ... with classic classical now[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... I feel that the joint is spinning, or ... is it just me?[2], and aren't there any electric guitars? Never mind ...[1], and, uh ... with classic classical now[2], and I can see Napoleon on his horse! / 'That was the other one, Mikey' / Ha! It's all of them, Voice[1], and aren't there any electric guitars? Never mind ...[2], and ... COME ON!!![1], and I can see Napoleon on his horse! / 'That was the other one, Mikey' / Ha! It's all of them, Voice[2], and no, no, no ... don't you roll over Beethoven, my old son - !!! / Even if you ain't got no guitars[1], and ... COME ON!!![2], and it's very long ... a symphony, eh?[1], and no, no, no ... don't you roll over Beethoven, my old son - !!! / Even if you ain't got no guitars[2], and maybe horses, horses, horses ... would have been better[1], and it's very long ... a symphony, eh?[2], and we're stuck with it, I suppose[1], and maybe horses, horses, horses ... would have been better[2], and Beethoven used his music as a crutch, according to Colin Wilson, to reach ... higher states, man![1], and we're stuck with it, I suppose[2], and a-ROUND so timeless ... you dig?[1], and Beethoven used his music as a crutch, according to Colin Wilson, to reach ... higher states, man![2], and doing it deaf? Oh, I could do this blind / The words mean nothing, so ...[1], and a-ROUND so timeless ... you dig?[2], and it makes a nice change from rock and roll[1], and doing it deaf? Oh, I could do this blind / The words mean nothing, so ...[2], and some fat guy has started singing, for the love of Christ![1], and it makes a nice change from rock and roll[2], and I guess that Beethoven wasn't too keen on mortality, just guessing, like[1], and some fat guy has started singing, for the love of Christ![2], and, Voice, get me ... everyone[1], and I guess that Beethoven wasn't too keen on mortality, just guessing, like[2], and ... for this[1], and, Voice, get me ... everyone[2], and running, running, running ... to the lake, and then ... the stars, the whole cosmos![1], and ... for this[2], and you gotta keep going, getting better, creating until you are dead[1], and running, running, running ... to the lake, and then ... the stars, the whole cosmos![2], and I don't even know how much money he had, and I don't care / does it matter?[1], and you gotta keep going, getting better, creating until you are dead[2], and THE END is not final / there is no end[1], and I don't even know how much money he had, and I don't care / does it matter?[2], and here we are, again, Christ![3], and THE END is not final / there is no end[2], and with music, so ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... I feel that the joint is spinning, or ... is it just me?[3], and, uh ... with classic classical now[3], and aren't there any electric guitars? Never mind ...[3], and I can see Napoleon on his horse! / 'That was the other one, Mikey' / Ha! It's all of them, Voice[3], and ... COME ON!!![3], and no, no, no ... don't you roll over Beethoven, my old son - !!! / Even if you ain't got no guitars[3], and it's very long ... a symphony, eh?[3], and maybe horses, horses, horses ... would have been better[3], and we're stuck with it, I suppose[3], and Beethoven used his music as a crutch, according to Colin Wilson, to reach ... higher states, man![3], and a-ROUND so timeless ... you dig?[3], and doing it deaf? Oh, I could do this blind / The words mean nothing, so ...[3], and it makes a nice change from rock and roll[3], and some fat guy has started singing, for the love of Christ![3], and I guess that Beethoven wasn't too keen on mortality, just guessing, like[3], and, Voice, get me ... everyone[3], and ... for this[3], and running, running, running ... to the lake, and then ... the stars, the whole cosmos![3], and you gotta keep going, getting better, creating until you are dead[3], and I don't even know how much money he had, and I don't care / does it matter?[3], and THE END is not final / there is no end[3], and

The 2017 Growth Investor Awards

Yeah, it's, uh ... a PR email from Intelligent Partnership, and it's not embargoed like last time, which is a big relief. Remember the trouble we had? ... Voice? ... 'What?!' Do you remember the trouble we had? 'Yeah. Yeah, I remember.' All right.

Black tie awards dinner to take place Wednesday 8 November at Royal Lancaster Hotel, Lancaster Gate, London.

The Growth Investor Awards were created to recognize innovation and impact in UK investment management.

Last year's awards featured keynote speeches from Iain Wright MP & Lord Karan Bilimoria CBE.


Okay. Black tie. Shit! Do I have a black tie? 'Don't worry about it, boss. You're not invited.' Eh? 'Have you read the email? You're not invited.' What the fuck?! I normally get invited to these things. 'Ha! Well, not this time.' Bastards! What absolute bastards! 'You wouldn't go anyway, boss. Come on, do the rest of the email.' It's nice to be asked though, ain't it? / Well ...

Intelligent Partnership, the UK's leading provider of research, education and insights on alternative investments, has announced its schedule for the 2017 Growth Investor Awards. This year's awards ceremony will be taking place on Wednesday 8 November at the Royal Lancaster Hotel, Lancaster Gate, London.

I'm not sure I can make it, anyway. I'm washing my hair, so, er .... 'Ha!' Lucky, really.

The Growth Investor Awards recognize the role played by the SME investment ecosystem in putting growth capital to work, helping some of the UK's best businesses and brightest talent to thrive. They highlight the importance of venture capital schemes to help them scale, as well as the need to support businesses that are creating jobs, prosperity and optimism all across Britain.

Optimism?! All across Britain?! 'Are they crazy, boss?!' They obviously haven't heard of Brexit, which will destroy Britain. 'Maybe they've been living in a cave.' Never mind.

The Awards are open to both companies and individuals, from those providing investment or helping to source it to those best optimizing growth capital to scale. The 2017 event will feature two new categories: 'Corporate Investor of the Year' and 'Best Angel Syndicate', bringing the total number of awards to 16.

Best angel syndicate? What's that all about? 'They live in a world of their own, these people. You're well out of it. Count your blessings, Mikey.' Oh, I am counting them, Voice, believe me.

Last year's ceremony was attended by over 400 industry professionals and included a scene-setting film about growth capital, with perspectives from a range of founders supported by finalists that have benefited from investment and associated support. The event also featured keynote speeches from Iain Wright, MP for Hartlepool and Chairman of the Business, Energy and Industrial Strategy Select Committee, and Lord Karan Bilimoria CBE, founder of Cobra Beer and founding chairman of the UK India Business Council. Both speeches highlighted the importance of tax-efficient investments as well the need to support SMEs that are generating tax revenue and helping to drive Britain's economic recovery.


Well, I, er ... I didn't attend last year. 'You weren't invited last year.' Yes, Thank you, Voice. I think they're taking the piss now. / Anyway ...

About the Growth Investor Awards.

Recognizing impact beyond investment, the Growth Investor awards highlight the value delivered to investors, businesses and Britain's economy by investment managers, wealth managers, financial advisers, private equity and venture capital companies, angel networks, investment platforms, and entrepreneurs. An independent panel of judges will look for those demonstrating innovation in products and services; impact on investee performance; and how growth capital is deployed.


Okay. That's enough. 'You didn't need to quote that last bit. The readers have got the idea, if they're smart.' Yes, if they're smart. A big IF. 'Ha!'

Well, well ... laters, you dig?

Thursday, 16 March 2017

Smith Cove Capital - ?!

All right, all right, all right! The first thing you need to know, dear reader(s), is that Smith Cove Capital is ... a new hedge fund! Over in America. 'Great, boss! When is the last time we had a new hedge fund?' Well, it must be a few weeks now, Voice.

Well, well ... / The second thing you need to know, dear reader(s), is that David Russekoff is the founder of this new hedge fund. 'David Russekoff?' He used to be a big noise at Perry Capital, man. 'Oh. Do you know anything else about him?' Er ... maybe Bloomberg can tell us. 'Oh, shit!' Give them a chance, Voice, for Christ's sake! / Right. Bloomberg -

This person is connected to 0 Board Members in 0 different organizations across 0 different industries.

Oh, shit, uh ... 'Ha!' Well, let's move on, yeah? I do have a bit more information. 'Good!' I can tell you, dear reader(s), that our Dave was the chief investment officer of Perry Capital. So, a big noise, as I said. Er ... oh yeah, Smith Cove began trading earlier this month with less than $100 million of partner capital, but - 'They'll get more than that, boss.' Of course they will, Voice. It's early days yet. 'Will Smith Cove be concentrating on distressed equity and debt securities?' Will Smith?! He ain't got nothing to do with it. 'No. Will, will ... the firm be concentrating on distressed equity and debt securities?' Er, what have you been reading, man? 'I'm just asking a question, boss.' Well, yes, I suppose the firm will be concentrating on distressed equity and debt securities, if it's any of your business. 'Okay.' And they are looking at investing in the energy sector, sovereign debt, and European telecommunications, financial and media companies. 'They?' The They. Bob Carroll, Roger Schmitz, and Victor Consoli ... are all with our Dave in the hedge fund. 'Oh. Nice.' Yes, it's very nice.

Well, well ... obviously, I wish them all the best. It's tough with new hedge funds these days. 'Tell me about it!' No. I haven't got time now. Maybe later.

...

Anything else? Not much, no. It's the end of the week, for me. I need a rest. 'Tired, are you, Mikey?' Yeah. Big time. 'I suppose it's all that spinning a-ROUND you do in the conceptual posts.' Yes, it is. My body, my mind, and my soul are KNACKERED(!!!), man. I'm really going to have to cut down to one conceptual post a week.

Well, anyway ... laters! Have a nice weekend, reader(s)!

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

[No. 497] Every second ...

... is important.

And here it all counts[1], and the things we do out there, out there! ... ah, don't mean a whole lot, when you think about it ...[1], and here it all counts[2], and, well ...[1], and the things we do out there, out there! ... ah, don't mean a whole lot, when you think about it ...[2], and every second, almost GONE(!) ... heading beyond the THREE, if we ever get ... lucky![1], and, well ...[2], and ... lucky? Ooh![1], and every second, almost GONE(!) ... heading beyond the THREE, if we ever get ... lucky![2], and here we can be as DIZZY(!) as we like, free from the cold world ... Jesus(!!!), out there[1], and ... lucky? Ooh![2], and ... if you can think, of course[1], and here we can be as DIZZY(!) as we like, free from the cold world ... Jesus(!!!), out there[2], and, maybe ...[1], and ... if you can think, of course[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... I ain't got no anxiety, man![1], and, maybe ...[2], and ... maybe those, uh, feelings are better, anyway[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... I ain't got no anxiety, man![2], and one, two ... what do you think?![1], and ... maybe those, uh, feelings are better, anyway[2], and it never stops, it just goes on, and we can't stop, we are disturbed in our souls or something[1], and one, two ... what do you think?![2], and it could be worse, obviously[1], and it never stops, it just goes on, and we can't stop, we are disturbed in our souls or something[2], and we are the kooks, so happy - ?![1], and it could be worse, obviously[2], and mystic kooks have no place in the cold world ... where evil-doers tell their sick news to the gullible[1], and we are the kooks, so happy - ?![2], and we are growing, together![1], and mystic kooks have no place in the cold world ... where evil-doers tell their sick news to the gullible[2], and when YOU(!) wake up ... and until YOU(!) go to sleep ... just this, you understand?[1], and we are growing, together![2], and we have accepted our fate[1], and when YOU(!) wake up ... and until YOU(!) go to sleep ... just this, you understand?[2], and YOU(!) will not be sad / No, no, no[1], and we have accepted our fate[2], and one day, and one day, and one day ... the spinning will make sense to us because ... we are SPECIAL[1], and YOU(!) will not be sad / No, no, no[2], and ... how do you feel ... - ?[1], and one day, and one day, and one day ... the spinning will make sense to us because ... we are SPECIAL[2], and, I believe, a-ROUND here ... we can be perfect / and we must be perfect / and we will be perfect[1], and ... how do you feel ... - ?[2], and this ... is it[1], and, I believe, a-ROUND here ... we can be perfect / and we must be perfect / and we will be perfect[2], and here it all counts[3], and this ... is it[2], and the things we do out there, out there! ... ah, don't mean a whole lot, when you think about it ...[3], and, well ...[3], and every second, almost GONE(!) ... heading beyond the THREE, if we ever get ... lucky![3], and ... lucky? Ooh![3], and here we can be as DIZZY(!) as we like, free from the cold world ... Jesus(!!!), out there[3], and ... if you can think, of course[3], and, maybe ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... I ain't got no anxiety, man![3], and ... maybe those, uh, feelings are better, anyway[3], and one, two ... what do you think?![3], and it never stops, it just goes on, and we can't stop, we are disturbed in our souls or something[3], and it could be worse, obviously[3], and we are the kooks, so happy - ?![3], and mystic kooks have no place in the cold world ... where evil-doers tell their sick news to the gullible[3], and we are growing, together![3], and when YOU(!) wake up ... and until YOU(!) go to sleep ... just this, you understand?[3], and we have accepted our fate[3], and YOU(!) will not be sad / No, no, no[3], and one day, and one day, and one day ... the spinning will make sense to us because ... we are SPECIAL[3], and ... how do you feel ... - ?[3], and, I believe, a-ROUND here ... we can be perfect / and we must be perfect / and we will be perfect[3], and this ... is it[3], and

And here it all counts[1], and the things we do out there, out there! ... ah, don't mean a whole lot, when you think about it ...[1], and here it all counts[2], and, well ...[1], and the things we do out there, out there! ... ah, don't mean a whole lot, when you think about it ...[2], and every second, almost GONE(!) ... heading beyond the THREE, if we ever get ... lucky![1], and, well ...[2], and ... lucky? Ooh![1], and every second, almost GONE(!) ... heading beyond the THREE, if we ever get ... lucky![2], and here we can be as DIZZY(!) as we like, free from the cold world ... Jesus(!!!), out there[1], and ... lucky? Ooh![2], and ... if you can think, of course[1], and here we can be as DIZZY(!) as we like, free from the cold world ... Jesus(!!!), out there[2], and, maybe ...[1], and ... if you can think, of course[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... I ain't got no anxiety, man![1], and, maybe ...[2], and ... maybe those, uh, feelings are better, anyway[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... I ain't got no anxiety, man![2], and one, two ... what do you think?![1], and ... maybe those, uh, feelings are better, anyway[2], and it never stops, it just goes on, and we can't stop, we are disturbed in our souls or something[1], and one, two ... what do you think?![2], and it could be worse, obviously[1], and it never stops, it just goes on, and we can't stop, we are disturbed in our souls or something[2], and we are the kooks, so happy - ?![1], and it could be worse, obviously[2], and mystic kooks have no place in the cold world ... where evil-doers tell their sick news to the gullible[1], and we are the kooks, so happy - ?![2], and we are growing, together![1], and mystic kooks have no place in the cold world ... where evil-doers tell their sick news to the gullible[2], and when YOU(!) wake up ... and until YOU(!) go to sleep ... just this, you understand?[1], and we are growing, together![2], and we have accepted our fate[1], and when YOU(!) wake up ... and until YOU(!) go to sleep ... just this, you understand?[2], and YOU(!) will not be sad / No, no, no[1], and we have accepted our fate[2], and one day, and one day, and one day ... the spinning will make sense to us because ... we are SPECIAL[1], and YOU(!) will not be sad / No, no, no[2], and ... how do you feel ... - ?[1], and one day, and one day, and one day ... the spinning will make sense to us because ... we are SPECIAL[2], and, I believe, a-ROUND here ... we can be perfect / and we must be perfect / and we will be perfect[1], and ... how do you feel ... - ?[2], and this ... is it[1], and, I believe, a-ROUND here ... we can be perfect / and we must be perfect / and we will be perfect[2], and here it all counts[3], and this ... is it[2], and the things we do out there, out there! ... ah, don't mean a whole lot, when you think about it ...[3], and, well ...[3], and every second, almost GONE(!) ... heading beyond the THREE, if we ever get ... lucky![3], and ... lucky? Ooh![3], and here we can be as DIZZY(!) as we like, free from the cold world ... Jesus(!!!), out there[3], and ... if you can think, of course[3], and, maybe ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... I ain't got no anxiety, man![3], and ... maybe those, uh, feelings are better, anyway[3], and one, two ... what do you think?![3], and it never stops, it just goes on, and we can't stop, we are disturbed in our souls or something[3], and it could be worse, obviously[3], and we are the kooks, so happy - ?![3], and mystic kooks have no place in the cold world ... where evil-doers tell their sick news to the gullible[3], and we are growing, together![3], and when YOU(!) wake up ... and until YOU(!) go to sleep ... just this, you understand?[3], and we have accepted our fate[3], and YOU(!) will not be sad / No, no, no[3], and one day, and one day, and one day ... the spinning will make sense to us because ... we are SPECIAL[3], and ... how do you feel ... - ?[3], and, I believe, a-ROUND here ... we can be perfect / and we must be perfect / and we will be perfect[3], and this ... is it[3], and

And here it all counts[1], and the things we do out there, out there! ... ah, don't mean a whole lot, when you think about it ...[1], and here it all counts[2], and, well ...[1], and the things we do out there, out there! ... ah, don't mean a whole lot, when you think about it ...[2], and every second, almost GONE(!) ... heading beyond the THREE, if we ever get ... lucky![1], and, well ...[2], and ... lucky? Ooh![1], and every second, almost GONE(!) ... heading beyond the THREE, if we ever get ... lucky![2], and here we can be as DIZZY(!) as we like, free from the cold world ... Jesus(!!!), out there[1], and ... lucky? Ooh![2], and ... if you can think, of course[1], and here we can be as DIZZY(!) as we like, free from the cold world ... Jesus(!!!), out there[2], and, maybe ...[1], and ... if you can think, of course[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... I ain't got no anxiety, man![1], and, maybe ...[2], and ... maybe those, uh, feelings are better, anyway[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... I ain't got no anxiety, man![2], and one, two ... what do you think?![1], and ... maybe those, uh, feelings are better, anyway[2], and it never stops, it just goes on, and we can't stop, we are disturbed in our souls or something[1], and one, two ... what do you think?![2], and it could be worse, obviously[1], and it never stops, it just goes on, and we can't stop, we are disturbed in our souls or something[2], and we are the kooks, so happy - ?![1], and it could be worse, obviously[2], and mystic kooks have no place in the cold world ... where evil-doers tell their sick news to the gullible[1], and we are the kooks, so happy - ?![2], and we are growing, together![1], and mystic kooks have no place in the cold world ... where evil-doers tell their sick news to the gullible[2], and when YOU(!) wake up ... and until YOU(!) go to sleep ... just this, you understand?[1], and we are growing, together![2], and we have accepted our fate[1], and when YOU(!) wake up ... and until YOU(!) go to sleep ... just this, you understand?[2], and YOU(!) will not be sad / No, no, no[1], and we have accepted our fate[2], and one day, and one day, and one day ... the spinning will make sense to us because ... we are SPECIAL[1], and YOU(!) will not be sad / No, no, no[2], and ... how do you feel ... - ?[1], and one day, and one day, and one day ... the spinning will make sense to us because ... we are SPECIAL[2], and, I believe, a-ROUND here ... we can be perfect / and we must be perfect / and we will be perfect[1], and ... how do you feel ... - ?[2], and this ... is it[1], and, I believe, a-ROUND here ... we can be perfect / and we must be perfect / and we will be perfect[2], and here it all counts[3], and this ... is it[2], and the things we do out there, out there! ... ah, don't mean a whole lot, when you think about it ...[3], and, well ...[3], and every second, almost GONE(!) ... heading beyond the THREE, if we ever get ... lucky![3], and ... lucky? Ooh![3], and here we can be as DIZZY(!) as we like, free from the cold world ... Jesus(!!!), out there[3], and ... if you can think, of course[3], and, maybe ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... I ain't got no anxiety, man![3], and ... maybe those, uh, feelings are better, anyway[3], and one, two ... what do you think?![3], and it never stops, it just goes on, and we can't stop, we are disturbed in our souls or something[3], and it could be worse, obviously[3], and we are the kooks, so happy - ?![3], and mystic kooks have no place in the cold world ... where evil-doers tell their sick news to the gullible[3], and we are growing, together![3], and when YOU(!) wake up ... and until YOU(!) go to sleep ... just this, you understand?[3], and we have accepted our fate[3], and YOU(!) will not be sad / No, no, no[3], and one day, and one day, and one day ... the spinning will make sense to us because ... we are SPECIAL[3], and ... how do you feel ... - ?[3], and, I believe, a-ROUND here ... we can be perfect / and we must be perfect / and we will be perfect[3], and this ... is it[3], and

Jellynote secures $800K to fuel growth and video production

Right. We've got a PR email today about music. Which I think makes a nice change. 'Great, boss!' Yeah.

Paris, March 14, 2017 - Jellynote, an AI powered Music Edtech Platform, announced today that it has secured $800K to drive user acquisition and production of exclusive Artist Masterclasses. The latest round is led by Danish Fund Nordic Eye with participation of existing investor Partech Ventures and Jellynote's CEO Martijn Tjho.

Okay. AI powered?! 'Robots?!' I suppose ... Christ! Well, whatever. / But let's hear the rest of it ...

Recently launching its new social feature, Jellynote is pioneering music education through innovation, peer to peer learning and a rich content library. The AI powered music platform breaks the academic method and allows aspiring musicians to teach themselves an instrument in a fun way.

Hang on a minute! I taught myself to play the guitar without - 'You're like Eric Clapton, boss!' Of course I am, Voice! And I didn't need no fucking robot looking over my shoulder. What the hell is this?!

Today the service boasts 1M users who come to play to learn their favourite songs across mobile and WEB. Building on this momentum, Jellynote will use the additional financing to develop the company further in becoming the number one platform for musicians around the world.

The platform features a variety of tools and a robust library of content to support becoming a musician and learning new songs through video, sheets, tabs, chords and exclusive Artist Masterclasses and original YouTube teacher tutorials.


Well, whatever. Maybe some people will like it. 'I'm not sure there is a robot, boss.' What?! You mentioned robots. 'But you said something about a robot looking over your shoulder.' Yeah, while you're playing the guitar. I mean, it's not something I need. And how expensive is it, anyway? Also, what if the robot malfunctions and tries to strangle you while you're playing? 'That's a good point, boss. Imagine you play a bum note or strum the wrong chord. The robot could get upset and just go fucking mental.' I know!

Well ... I'm sure Martijn Tjho has got something to say about all this. 'Who?!' Martijn Tjho.

"28% of the World population plays an instrument. Jellynote is perfectly positioned to help musicians hone their talent," says Jellynote CEO Martijn Tjho. "With this funding Jellynote can acquire new users and encourage new aspiring musicians to pick up an instrument and play".

Okay. He hasn't said anything about that bloody robot. Maybe he's embarrassed. 'It's probably a prototype.' That's what I'm thinking, Voice.

Anyway, what's this Partech Ventures?

Founded in 1982 in Silicon Valley, Partech Ventures is a global investment firm with a team spread across offices in San Francisco, Paris and Berlin. Most Partners have been entrepreneurs themselves or have held management positions within tech companies. The partnership acts and invests as a single team, helping entrepreneurs build fast-growing tech and digital companies addressing large markets across multiple continents.

Okay. And Nordic Eye?

Nordic Eye is a Danish venture capital firm based in Copenhagen and Los Angeles, California. They invest in carefully selected and mainly Nordic early-growth companies in tech and lifestyle business areas. They look for companies that can scale globally and where we can add value while helping to provide great exit opportunities within approximately five years.

Fair enough. But are these firms happy about the robot? 'They must be.' Unless they haven't been told. There's going to be trouble, I reckon.

However, it's not my problem, dear reader(s). I've got enough on my plate. So ... laters, you dig?

Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Who on earth is Charles Jewkes?!

Who is he?! He's just got a new job at Fulcrum Asset Management. He used to be at Schroders. But ... who on earth is he?! 'Ha! You don't know who Charlie Jewkes is, boss? Are you serious?!' Who is he, Voice? 'Man, Charlie used to work at Schroders as the business development director. Now he's at Fulcrum in a new role they've invented just for him. He's the director of global financial institutions or something. It's all insurance stuff. Look -'

Leadership of Fulcrum Asset Management's strategic business expansion into the Global Financial Institutions and Global Insurance markets through the delivery of highly sophisticated multi-asset and systematic absolute return capabilities.

Great ... 'That's what he does!' Yes, yes, yes, Voice. But who is he, this Charlie? 'Uh ... oh, Christ! You mean in the existential sense?' That's exactly what I mean. 'Well, come on, let's face it, who is anyone? Who are you? Who am I?' Well, we're just creatures, I suppose. Bodies. And you don't even have a body. 'Er, hang on a minute, I have an astral body, boss.' Yes, congratulations, son. It's not quite the same thing, is it, eh?

Is it? Is it? Uh, I don't know ...

But, so ... we have bodies, physical or astral. Actually, physical and astral, most of us, on earth. I mean, I like to get away, in the night. Float off in dreams, you dig? 'You still do that?' Yes. 'Well, I haven't seen you around lately.' I keep a low profile.

But, but, but ... / Who in the astral sky is Charlie Jewkes?! He probably likes to get away, himself. Maybe one day I'll see him, flying high in the friendly astral sky. 'I like this, boss. This is the old you, this is. Before all that conceptual shit.' Shut up, you idiot!

I'm just ... I don't know, you know? 'Yeah. It happens to the best of them, Mikey.' Ha! You don't even know what I'm talking about, Voice. Please be quiet. Please!

And that's enough with our Charlie.

...

So, anyway, music. [I'm listening to Happy Mondays.] Yeah, I ain't recording those two songs this week. [Maybe Sunday. But I'm not happy on Sundays, usually.] I'm just not in the mood, you dig? I'm relying on these two songs, my best, and they've got to sound good with just my voice and an acoustic guitar. It's difficult, man.

But that's my problem. Don't worry about it, reader(s). So ... well, laters. Tomorrow, obviously.