Dear Bradley Birkenfeld,
Where should I start? It has been brought to my attention - by a spy in our midst, or your midst, or whatever - that you have been dabbling in the dark arts. To be more precise, you have been in cahoots with the demonic financier Jack Pickles.
Are you a fool? Everyone working in banking and finance knows how dangerous Mr Pickles is. What were you thinking of? Was it the money? Or was it something else? Did Mr Pickles promise to show you all the delights of hell? Ah, but what about the torments? You didn't think, did you? Haven't you read Faust?
All I can do now is wish you the best of luck. You're going to need it.