There is a report in a newspaper today, saying that Dixit Joshi (head of Europe and Asia equities at Barclays Capital) has been pouncing on analysts and traders - all former employees of Lehman Brothers. Now, as you can imagine, my first reaction was one of absolute disgust. Taking sexual advantage of people down on their luck is just not on. But then - as we are old friends - I decided to allow Dixit to explain himself in this blog. This is what the man said:
'Michael, there has been a complete misunderstanding. This is not a bizarre kink or perverted penchant we're talking about here. I have been recruiting these ex-Lehman employees through astral projection. Let me explain. As there were sixty of these characters, it was not practical arranging interviews at BarCap with all of them. So I came up with the idea of visiting them while they were asleep. In one night I was able to travel around in my astral body and hire all the people I wanted. What's the problem? There wasn't any impropriety.'
Fair enough. But did Dixit hover above their beds, or did he enter their bodies? This is what he said:
'Michael, what a question to ask me! I hovered above their beds. Of course I did. What sort of man do you take me for? The sort of vulgarian who goes around impersonating a night hag? Please!'
Dear reader, I believe him. I have known Dixit Joshi for five years, and in all that time he has not lied to me once or displayed any behaviour of a degenerate nature. The newspapers need to be more careful in their reporting. Let's consider the matter closed.