Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Dave Prentis: 'feeding the hand that bites them'

Eh? - you're thinking. You're thinking 'Eh?' right? That's what the man says. Mr Prentis is the general secretary of Unison, and he says his members are tired of 'feeding the hand that bites them'. His exact words. Very interesting.

What are we to make of this? How do you feed a hand? And how does a hand bite you? Is Mr Prentis talking literally, or is this some kind of fucked-up metaphor?

I have been speaking to award-winning financial psychic Keith Busby. Someone has to. This is what he told me: 'Mikey, there is something very dark going on at Unison, something very sinister. I think Dave is referring to the Hand of Glory. (Yeah?) Oh yeah. Wherever that terrible light shall burn, vainly the sleeper may toss and turn; his leaden eyes shall he ne'r unclose, so long as that magical taper glows, life and treasure shall he command, who knoweth the charm of the glorious Hand. (And how do you feed it, then, Keith?) Eh? (How do you feed the fucking thing? How does it bite you?) I don't know, Mike. I was just - (You know, Keith, it's true what everyone says about you. You really are a wanker.) Come on, Mike, I -'

I put the phone down. If there is anyone sensible out there who knows how to feed a hand, please get in touch.