Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Bob Diamond to appear before the Treasury select committee - today!

Yes, today's the big day. Maybe it will all be over by the time I post this. (What time is it happening?) But Bobby called me late last night. He sounded terrified on the phone. I guess he wanted moral support. Well, he certainly got it from me. Check this -

Diamond: Mikey, you gotta help me, man. I'm cracking up over here.

Fowke: What's the problem, Bobby?

Diamond: You don't know the fucking problem? You don't know I gotta face those MPs tomorrow, some half-assed Treasury select committee, or some shit? I don't know what they call it.

Fowke: Yeah, it's the Treasury select committee. So what? You turn up, you flip them the bird, tell them go fuck themselves. Simple.

Diamond: No, Mikey, it ain't simple. Nothing's simple with these characters. They want me to give up my 2010 bonus. £8 million!

Fowke: Bobby, let me ask you a question. Have you worked hard for your money?

Diamond: Fuckin' A, I have!

Fowke: Another question. Have these miserable MP sons and daughters of bitches ever done a day's work in their lives?

Diamond: Not to my knowledge, Michael.

Fowke: Well, fuck them, Bobby. Fuck them in the ear! For Christ's sake, we're talking about a bunch of crooks. Those duck house schmucks! A bunch of crooks want you to give up your bonus. Think about that, Bobby.

Diamond: I am thinking about it, Mike. Maybe I'll get lucky. Cameron is toning down the rhetoric. Maybe he'll come to my rescue.

Fowke: Cameron is a socialist. Don't be fooled by him. You can't rely on him. But you can rely on me, Bob. You can rely on Big Herb, and all the guys in the desert. We're behind you all the way.

Diamond: What am I going to do? What am I going to do? If they take my money, I -

Fowke: You're talking crazy now. They can't take the money off you, man. Just be tough with them. You gotta be strong. Remember how you behaved, that first night in the desert.

Diamond: That was some freakin' night!

Fowke: Yeah, and you got through that, Bobby. You'll get through this.

Diamond: You're a real friend, Mikey. I ain't gonna forget this.

Fowke: You better not. I'm the scary one, after all. Those MPs ain't got nothing on me.

Diamond: Damn straight. I mean, this Jack Pickles thing you got going and all.

Fowke: What do you mean? There ain't nothing in that.

Diamond: No, of course not, Mike. I'm just saying, like ... you know.

Fowke: No, I don't know, Bob. There are things you don't know about. Things I can't talk about.

Diamond: I understand.

Fowke: You just concentrate on Barclays and those MPs.

Diamond: I didn't mean to upset you.

Fowke: You haven't upset me. You're a crazy kid, Bobby, you know that, don't ya?

Diamond: Yeah.

Fowke: Lloyd's always telling me you're a punk, but you're a crazy kid, that's for sure. Take it easy, Bob.

Diamond: Thanks, Mike.