Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Zafiro Capital Commodities Trading fund?

What? 'What?' What's this Zafiro Capital Commodities Trading fund? Oh, let me tell you, dear reader(s). It's a new fund that is going to be launched next month by Stephen Smethurst. 'Who the hell is Stephen Smethurst, Mikey?!' Stephen Smethurst, Voice, is an oil trader. He used to work at Black River Asset Management. 'Really? I've never heard of him.' Well, he's a serious guy, man. 'Yeah?' Big time. I've just been looking at his LinkedIn profile. He doesn't mess around. Most people at the end of their profile say that they want to make new friends, or get in touch with old friends. Nice, human stuff like that. However, our Stephen just says he can be contacted for "business deals". Nothing else! 'Business deals? Is that all?!' Yeah. 'A bit cold, isn't it, boss?' Well, he wants to get ahead in life, Voice. There's money to be made. Making new friends or getting in touch with old friends is for losers.

You want more? Okay ... Stephen has been telling anyone who will listen that profits can still be made with oil. And he wants a $1 million minimum investment from clients. 'Ha! If wishes were horses ...' People who invest over $20 million will get a discount on fees and a free pen. 'A free pen?!' I made that last bit up. / Zafiro Capital is based in Geneva, by the way.

Obviously, it goes without saying that I wish Stephen all the best. It's not every day we get a new hedge fund, is it? 'Yes it is.' You can't have too many hedge funds, man. 'You were telling us last week that we couldn't have too many drunken boats.' That's true as well. / You've got a bad attitude, Voice. Are you sure you're cut out for this business?

Oh, he's gone. He's very moody these days, dear reader(s), don't you think?

...

Er ... yeah. So ... yeah. I feel moody, myself, a bit. It's catching!

Other news? There is no "other" news, man. Wake up! How many times do you need to be told? / Jesus! This life. I've been thinking about how corrupt the world is. And I've been thinking that "political" people really are stupid. Conservatives are utterly corrupt and selfish. Nothing they believe or say or do is remotely for the good of humanity. But socialists are just as bad - in the sense that they think they can change human nature. Human nature is rotten. Only God offers any hope.

Christ! / If I were God though, I'd be smart. I'd be concentrating on other planets. Cut loose of this shithole, you know? / There are billions of galaxies with billions of stars and planets in them. There's got to be some decent, civilized life out there somewhere. Imagine! Aliens with no politics! (Why would they want to split themselves up into different groups, all believing a different kind of nonsense?) And aliens with no religion! (They don't need religion, if they've got God.) / Salvation? We need to be released! All of us!

...

Well, I'm going to play my guitar for the rest of the day. Music is my only salvation. Laters.