Thursday 31 July 2014

David Aird at Investec doesn't like rock stars!

Christ! What's the matter with him?! He doesn't like John Lennon, or David Bowie, or Mick Jagger, or - 'Neil Woodford, boss?' What, Voice?! 'David Aird was talking about star fund managers, man.' How do you know? 'I know because I read these fucking articles properly, yeah? You just glance at them.' Well ... 'Mr Aird has been telling anyone who will listen that star managers are nothing. Nothing! It's teams that matter.' Oh, I see. Our Dave is one of these There's no "I" in team guys. 'Yeah.' Well, you know what the late great Felix Dennis said, don't you? 'No. What?' He said teamwork is the glue that binds the losers together. 'Oh, lovely attitude, that is.'

Felix knew a thing or two ... / And I thought David Aird was all right. I mean, he used to worship the ground I walked on. 'Really, Mikey?' See if you can dig this, Voice, from 2008 - I read your blog, Michael. I know you're the man, the beautiful one, the Master, the mystic lord, the money king. / 2008, eh? It was a golden year, dear reader(s).

Ah! Now, a team of rock stars, that's a different matter, surely? 'Uh.' Completely different. I mean, is David Aird saying that The Beatles were a bunch of twats? 'Eh?' Oh, I hope not! I hope he's not saying that. 'I doubt he is saying it, Mikey. / He might be saying that Japan were a bunch of twats.' Yeah, well, they were ...

One more thing: David wants to get back in touch. (LinkedIn.) No! I'm not having it. I'm a rock star, after all. The beautiful one. The Master. The mystic lord. The money king. Clearly a rock star. / What has happened to David? He seems bitter.

[No. 238] Danny "Boy" Loeb needs to get a-ROUND

But not like Mike Love.

And come here, Danny ... this is real mysticism, son[1], and YOU(!) can "roll" on the floor or the ceiling ... / You will find it's all in your mind[1], and come here, Danny ... this is real mysticism, son[2], and this ain't physical, you dig?[1], and YOU(!) can "roll" on the floor or the ceiling ... / You will find it's all in your mind[2], and your yoga ain't shit, my friend ... you've got to get a-ROUND and DIZZY to be cool[1], and this ain't physical, you dig?[2], and Mike Love and Donovan don't have a clue / and the Maharishi must have seen you coming[1], and your yoga ain't shit, my friend ... you've got to get a-ROUND and DIZZY to be cool[2], and I get a-ROUND, yeah, and I get a-ROUND, oh, and I really get a-ROUND!!![1], and Mike Love and Donovan don't have a clue / and the Maharishi must have seen you coming[2], and / Am I getting bugged driving up and down this same old strip? / No - is the short answer[1], and I get a-ROUND, yeah, and I get a-ROUND, oh, and I really get a-ROUND!!![2], and I'll be down by the river, down, down there ... and where will you be Danny?[1], and / Am I getting bugged driving up and down this same old strip? / No - is the short answer[2], and forget your investors ... there is another life, you know[1], and I'll be down by the river, down, down there ... and where will you be Danny?[2], and it's the repetition of the money, in and out / oh, I know, man, how hypnotic it can be ...[1], and forget your investors ... there is another life, you know[2], and / this is better though[1], and it's the repetition of the money, in and out / oh, I know, man, how hypnotic it can be ...[2], and here you can stay forever / so be my guest, Danny, please! / It's like a hotel or something ...[1], and / this is better though[2], and maybe you're stuck, anyway ...[1], and here you can stay forever / so be my guest, Danny, please! / It's like a hotel or something ...[2], and come here, Danny ... this is real mysticism, son[3], and maybe you're stuck, anyway ...[2], and YOU(!) can "roll" on the floor or the ceiling ... / You will find it's all in your mind[3], and this ain't physical, you dig?[3], and your yoga ain't shit, my friend ... you've got to get a-ROUND and DIZZY to be cool[3], and Mike Love and Donovan don't have a clue / and the Maharishi must have seen you coming[3], and I get a-ROUND, yeah, and I get a-ROUND, oh, and I really get a-ROUND!!![3], and / Am I getting bugged driving up and down this same old strip? / No - is the short answer[3], and I'll be down by the river, down, down there ... and where will you be Danny?[3], and forget your investors ... there is another life, you know[3], and it's the repetition of the money, in and out / oh, I know, man, how hypnotic it can be ...[3], and / this is better though[3], and here you can stay forever / so be my guest, Danny, please! / It's like a hotel or something ...[3], and maybe you're stuck, anyway ...[3], and

And come here, Danny ... this is real mysticism, son[1], and YOU(!) can "roll" on the floor or the ceiling ... / You will find it's all in your mind[1], and come here, Danny ... this is real mysticism, son[2], and this ain't physical, you dig?[1], and YOU(!) can "roll" on the floor or the ceiling ... / You will find it's all in your mind[2], and your yoga ain't shit, my friend ... you've got to get a-ROUND and DIZZY to be cool[1], and this ain't physical, you dig?[2], and Mike Love and Donovan don't have a clue / and the Maharishi must have seen you coming[1], and your yoga ain't shit, my friend ... you've got to get a-ROUND and DIZZY to be cool[2], and I get a-ROUND, yeah, and I get a-ROUND, oh, and I really get a-ROUND!!![1], and Mike Love and Donovan don't have a clue / and the Maharishi must have seen you coming[2], and / Am I getting bugged driving up and down this same old strip? / No - is the short answer[1], and I get a-ROUND, yeah, and I get a-ROUND, oh, and I really get a-ROUND!!![2], and I'll be down by the river, down, down there ... and where will you be Danny?[1], and / Am I getting bugged driving up and down this same old strip? / No - is the short answer[2], and forget your investors ... there is another life, you know[1], and I'll be down by the river, down, down there ... and where will you be Danny?[2], and it's the repetition of the money, in and out / oh, I know, man, how hypnotic it can be ...[1], and forget your investors ... there is another life, you know[2], and / this is better though[1], and it's the repetition of the money, in and out / oh, I know, man, how hypnotic it can be ...[2], and here you can stay forever / so be my guest, Danny, please! / It's like a hotel or something ...[1], and / this is better though[2], and maybe you're stuck, anyway ...[1], and here you can stay forever / so be my guest, Danny, please! / It's like a hotel or something ...[2], and come here, Danny ... this is real mysticism, son[3], and maybe you're stuck, anyway ...[2], and YOU(!) can "roll" on the floor or the ceiling ... / You will find it's all in your mind[3], and this ain't physical, you dig?[3], and your yoga ain't shit, my friend ... you've got to get a-ROUND and DIZZY to be cool[3], and Mike Love and Donovan don't have a clue / and the Maharishi must have seen you coming[3], and I get a-ROUND, yeah, and I get a-ROUND, oh, and I really get a-ROUND!!![3], and / Am I getting bugged driving up and down this same old strip? / No - is the short answer[3], and I'll be down by the river, down, down there ... and where will you be Danny?[3], and forget your investors ... there is another life, you know[3], and it's the repetition of the money, in and out / oh, I know, man, how hypnotic it can be ...[3], and / this is better though[3], and here you can stay forever / so be my guest, Danny, please! / It's like a hotel or something ...[3], and maybe you're stuck, anyway ...[3], and

And come here, Danny ... this is real mysticism, son[1], and YOU(!) can "roll" on the floor or the ceiling ... / You will find it's all in your mind[1], and come here, Danny ... this is real mysticism, son[2], and this ain't physical, you dig?[1], and YOU(!) can "roll" on the floor or the ceiling ... / You will find it's all in your mind[2], and your yoga ain't shit, my friend ... you've got to get a-ROUND and DIZZY to be cool[1], and this ain't physical, you dig?[2], and Mike Love and Donovan don't have a clue / and the Maharishi must have seen you coming[1], and your yoga ain't shit, my friend ... you've got to get a-ROUND and DIZZY to be cool[2], and I get a-ROUND, yeah, and I get a-ROUND, oh, and I really get a-ROUND!!![1], and Mike Love and Donovan don't have a clue / and the Maharishi must have seen you coming[2], and / Am I getting bugged driving up and down this same old strip? / No - is the short answer[1], and I get a-ROUND, yeah, and I get a-ROUND, oh, and I really get a-ROUND!!![2], and I'll be down by the river, down, down there ... and where will you be Danny?[1], and / Am I getting bugged driving up and down this same old strip? / No - is the short answer[2], and forget your investors ... there is another life, you know[1], and I'll be down by the river, down, down there ... and where will you be Danny?[2], and it's the repetition of the money, in and out / oh, I know, man, how hypnotic it can be ...[1], and forget your investors ... there is another life, you know[2], and / this is better though[1], and it's the repetition of the money, in and out / oh, I know, man, how hypnotic it can be ...[2], and here you can stay forever / so be my guest, Danny, please! / It's like a hotel or something ...[1], and / this is better though[2], and maybe you're stuck, anyway ...[1], and here you can stay forever / so be my guest, Danny, please! / It's like a hotel or something ...[2], and come here, Danny ... this is real mysticism, son[3], and maybe you're stuck, anyway ...[2], and YOU(!) can "roll" on the floor or the ceiling ... / You will find it's all in your mind[3], and this ain't physical, you dig?[3], and your yoga ain't shit, my friend ... you've got to get a-ROUND and DIZZY to be cool[3], and Mike Love and Donovan don't have a clue / and the Maharishi must have seen you coming[3], and I get a-ROUND, yeah, and I get a-ROUND, oh, and I really get a-ROUND!!![3], and / Am I getting bugged driving up and down this same old strip? / No - is the short answer[3], and I'll be down by the river, down, down there ... and where will you be Danny?[3], and forget your investors ... there is another life, you know[3], and it's the repetition of the money, in and out / oh, I know, man, how hypnotic it can be ...[3], and / this is better though[3], and here you can stay forever / so be my guest, Danny, please! / It's like a hotel or something ...[3], and maybe you're stuck, anyway ...[3], and

Daniel Loeb is opening Third Point again!

Jesus H. Christ! He returns money to investors. Then he wants the money back. 'Ha!' Then he returns money to investors. Then he wants the money back. Then he returns money to investors. Then - 'Yeah, we get the idea, Mikey. What's going on?' Oh, Danny "Boy" Loeb is nuts, man. You know Third Point, yeah? Third Point LLC is a SEC-registered investment adviser based in New York. The firm was founded in 1995 by Danny "Boy" Loeb, who serves as chief executive officer. Third Point focuses on event-driven, value-oriented investing. 'Yeah.' I just ... I know what it is, Voice, dear reader(s). It's all the meditating and yoga shit. Danny has wrecked his head with it. 'I thought you approved of all that?' Not yoga. Yoga is a waste of time.

Well, reader(s), get your money in quickly, if you're interested. By the way, this ain't an endorsement. I'm just saying, with a guy like Danny you don't know what's going to happen next. 'He'll be off to India again, boss.' Yeah, probably. / Maybe that's why he needs the money, to finance his next holiday. Hanging out with all the Indian mystics. (And Mike Love and Donovan.) 'Ridiculous!' All he's got to do is pop over to London and spend some time with me. I know more than those Indian guys. And I'll put Danny up in the spare room. It'll hardly cost him anything. 'And you can go to the pub, down by the river.' Yeah! We can have a few pints. Kronenbourg. 'Or Stella.' Or Stella. I had Stella last week. 'I know.' / It certainly beats yoga. Twisting your arms and legs around like a prat. Who needs it?

...

Lunch? Er, cheap egg sandwich. (I'm giving the luxury ones a rest.) Crisps. Yoghurt. Coke. 

Music? RIGHT NOW, I'm listening to my favourite Jesus and Mary Chain song, Her Way of Praying.

Actually, Danny, if you're reading this, I'll take your soul/consciousness for a spin after lunch in a conceptual post, No. 238. (See my Notes page for further details.) That will make you think again about yoga.

Wednesday 30 July 2014

[No. 237] Profit isn't everything

Have you got AUM?

And everyone has got a sad story ...[1], and as long as you're a-ROUND so DIZZY ... you've got a result, so smile![1], and everyone has got a sad story ...[2], and just ask Jesus the next time you see him what he thinks ... / he'll be in agreement with me[1], and as long as you're a-ROUND so DIZZY ... you've got a result, so smile![2], and what more do YOU(!) want? / I'm sure you've got your lovely AUM[1], and just ask Jesus the next time you see him what he thinks ... / he'll be in agreement with me[2], and if you're feeling down ... you can strum a guitar, and you can sing the blues[1], and what more do YOU(!) want? / I'm sure you've got your lovely AUM[2], and I hope you have your health / and I hope you're not in prison[1], and if you're feeling down ... you can strum a guitar, and you can sing the blues[2], and some people would give their right arm to see the profit go down, down, down ...[1], and I hope you have your health / and I hope you're not in prison[2], and spinning a-ROUND now, yeah, a-ROUND now, dressed in black, a-ROUND here going down ...[1], and some people would give their right arm to see the profit go down, down, down ...[2], and the sun will follow us into darkness ...[1], and spinning a-ROUND now, yeah, a-ROUND now, dressed in black, a-ROUND here going down ...[2], and ENJOY(!) the summer ... it'll soon be gone / and get drunk, and roll, roll, roll into the river[1], and the sun will follow us into darkness ...[2], and the fish will get a-ROUND your head ... / Let the fish give you their fishy kisses![1], and ENJOY(!) the summer ... it'll soon be gone / and get drunk, and roll, roll, roll into the river[2], and I guess you're still not satisfied, eh?[1], and the fish will get a-ROUND your head ... / Let the fish give you their fishy kisses![2], and it's just hot ... so don't ask, and don't think, please![1], and I guess you're still not satisfied, eh?[2], and ice-cool hip swinger moves too fast for you? / Not my problem, man / not my problem at all![1], and it's just hot ... so don't ask, and don't think, please![2], and / 'What?!' / Don't ask for no sense or even senses just take the delirium that's on offer you little nutjob! / 'Me?!'[1], and ice-cool hip swinger moves too fast for you? / Not my problem, man / not my problem at all![2], and if you've got your AUM ...[1], and / 'What?!' / Don't ask for no sense or even senses just take the delirium that's on offer you little nutjob! / 'Me?!'[2], and YOU(!) drive me crazy!!! / Don't come a-ROUND here no more ...[1], and if you've got your AUM ...[2], and everyone has got a sad story ...[3], and YOU(!) drive me crazy!!! / Don't come a-ROUND here no more ...[2], and as long as you're a-ROUND so DIZZY ... you've got a result, so smile![3], and just ask Jesus the next time you see him what he thinks ... / he'll be in agreement with me[3], and what more do YOU(!) want? / I'm sure you've got your lovely AUM[3], and if you're feeling down ... you can strum a guitar, and you can sing the blues[3], and I hope you have your health / and I hope you're not in prison[3], and some people would give their right arm to see the profit go down, down, down ...[3], and spinning a-ROUND now, yeah, a-ROUND now, dressed in black, a-ROUND here going down ...[3], and the sun will follow us into darkness ...[3], and ENJOY(!) the summer ... it'll soon be gone / and get drunk, and roll, roll, roll into the river[3], and the fish will get a-ROUND your head ... / Let the fish give you their fishy kisses![3], and I guess you're still not satisfied, eh?[3], and it's just hot ... so don't ask, and don't think, please![3], and ice-cool hip swinger moves too fast for you? / Not my problem, man / not my problem at all![3], and / 'What?!' / Don't ask for no sense or even senses just take the delirium that's on offer you little nutjob! / 'Me?!'[3], and if you've got your AUM ...[3], and YOU(!) drive me crazy!!! / Don't come a-ROUND here no more ...[3], and

And everyone has got a sad story ...[1], and as long as you're a-ROUND so DIZZY ... you've got a result, so smile![1], and everyone has got a sad story ...[2], and just ask Jesus the next time you see him what he thinks ... / he'll be in agreement with me[1], and as long as you're a-ROUND so DIZZY ... you've got a result, so smile![2], and what more do YOU(!) want? / I'm sure you've got your lovely AUM[1], and just ask Jesus the next time you see him what he thinks ... / he'll be in agreement with me[2], and if you're feeling down ... you can strum a guitar, and you can sing the blues[1], and what more do YOU(!) want? / I'm sure you've got your lovely AUM[2], and I hope you have your health / and I hope you're not in prison[1], and if you're feeling down ... you can strum a guitar, and you can sing the blues[2], and some people would give their right arm to see the profit go down, down, down ...[1], and I hope you have your health / and I hope you're not in prison[2], and spinning a-ROUND now, yeah, a-ROUND now, dressed in black, a-ROUND here going down ...[1], and some people would give their right arm to see the profit go down, down, down ...[2], and the sun will follow us into darkness ...[1], and spinning a-ROUND now, yeah, a-ROUND now, dressed in black, a-ROUND here going down ...[2], and ENJOY(!) the summer ... it'll soon be gone / and get drunk, and roll, roll, roll into the river[1], and the sun will follow us into darkness ...[2], and the fish will get a-ROUND your head ... / Let the fish give you their fishy kisses![1], and ENJOY(!) the summer ... it'll soon be gone / and get drunk, and roll, roll, roll into the river[2], and I guess you're still not satisfied, eh?[1], and the fish will get a-ROUND your head ... / Let the fish give you their fishy kisses![2], and it's just hot ... so don't ask, and don't think, please![1], and I guess you're still not satisfied, eh?[2], and ice-cool hip swinger moves too fast for you? / Not my problem, man / not my problem at all![1], and it's just hot ... so don't ask, and don't think, please![2], and / 'What?!' / Don't ask for no sense or even senses just take the delirium that's on offer you little nutjob! / 'Me?!'[1], and ice-cool hip swinger moves too fast for you? / Not my problem, man / not my problem at all![2], and if you've got your AUM ...[1], and / 'What?!' / Don't ask for no sense or even senses just take the delirium that's on offer you little nutjob! / 'Me?!'[2], and YOU(!) drive me crazy!!! / Don't come a-ROUND here no more ...[1], and if you've got your AUM ...[2], and everyone has got a sad story ...[3], and YOU(!) drive me crazy!!! / Don't come a-ROUND here no more ...[2], and as long as you're a-ROUND so DIZZY ... you've got a result, so smile![3], and just ask Jesus the next time you see him what he thinks ... / he'll be in agreement with me[3], and what more do YOU(!) want? / I'm sure you've got your lovely AUM[3], and if you're feeling down ... you can strum a guitar, and you can sing the blues[3], and I hope you have your health / and I hope you're not in prison[3], and some people would give their right arm to see the profit go down, down, down ...[3], and spinning a-ROUND now, yeah, a-ROUND now, dressed in black, a-ROUND here going down ...[3], and the sun will follow us into darkness ...[3], and ENJOY(!) the summer ... it'll soon be gone / and get drunk, and roll, roll, roll into the river[3], and the fish will get a-ROUND your head ... / Let the fish give you their fishy kisses![3], and I guess you're still not satisfied, eh?[3], and it's just hot ... so don't ask, and don't think, please![3], and ice-cool hip swinger moves too fast for you? / Not my problem, man / not my problem at all![3], and / 'What?!' / Don't ask for no sense or even senses just take the delirium that's on offer you little nutjob! / 'Me?!'[3], and if you've got your AUM ...[3], and YOU(!) drive me crazy!!! / Don't come a-ROUND here no more ...[3], and

And everyone has got a sad story ...[1], and as long as you're a-ROUND so DIZZY ... you've got a result, so smile![1], and everyone has got a sad story ...[2], and just ask Jesus the next time you see him what he thinks ... / he'll be in agreement with me[1], and as long as you're a-ROUND so DIZZY ... you've got a result, so smile![2], and what more do YOU(!) want? / I'm sure you've got your lovely AUM[1], and just ask Jesus the next time you see him what he thinks ... / he'll be in agreement with me[2], and if you're feeling down ... you can strum a guitar, and you can sing the blues[1], and what more do YOU(!) want? / I'm sure you've got your lovely AUM[2], and I hope you have your health / and I hope you're not in prison[1], and if you're feeling down ... you can strum a guitar, and you can sing the blues[2], and some people would give their right arm to see the profit go down, down, down ...[1], and I hope you have your health / and I hope you're not in prison[2], and spinning a-ROUND now, yeah, a-ROUND now, dressed in black, a-ROUND here going down ...[1], and some people would give their right arm to see the profit go down, down, down ...[2], and the sun will follow us into darkness ...[1], and spinning a-ROUND now, yeah, a-ROUND now, dressed in black, a-ROUND here going down ...[2], and ENJOY(!) the summer ... it'll soon be gone / and get drunk, and roll, roll, roll into the river[1], and the sun will follow us into darkness ...[2], and the fish will get a-ROUND your head ... / Let the fish give you their fishy kisses![1], and ENJOY(!) the summer ... it'll soon be gone / and get drunk, and roll, roll, roll into the river[2], and I guess you're still not satisfied, eh?[1], and the fish will get a-ROUND your head ... / Let the fish give you their fishy kisses![2], and it's just hot ... so don't ask, and don't think, please![1], and I guess you're still not satisfied, eh?[2], and ice-cool hip swinger moves too fast for you? / Not my problem, man / not my problem at all![1], and it's just hot ... so don't ask, and don't think, please![2], and / 'What?!' / Don't ask for no sense or even senses just take the delirium that's on offer you little nutjob! / 'Me?!'[1], and ice-cool hip swinger moves too fast for you? / Not my problem, man / not my problem at all![2], and if you've got your AUM ...[1], and / 'What?!' / Don't ask for no sense or even senses just take the delirium that's on offer you little nutjob! / 'Me?!'[2], and YOU(!) drive me crazy!!! / Don't come a-ROUND here no more ...[1], and if you've got your AUM ...[2], and everyone has got a sad story ...[3], and YOU(!) drive me crazy!!! / Don't come a-ROUND here no more ...[2], and as long as you're a-ROUND so DIZZY ... you've got a result, so smile![3], and just ask Jesus the next time you see him what he thinks ... / he'll be in agreement with me[3], and what more do YOU(!) want? / I'm sure you've got your lovely AUM[3], and if you're feeling down ... you can strum a guitar, and you can sing the blues[3], and I hope you have your health / and I hope you're not in prison[3], and some people would give their right arm to see the profit go down, down, down ...[3], and spinning a-ROUND now, yeah, a-ROUND now, dressed in black, a-ROUND here going down ...[3], and the sun will follow us into darkness ...[3], and ENJOY(!) the summer ... it'll soon be gone / and get drunk, and roll, roll, roll into the river[3], and the fish will get a-ROUND your head ... / Let the fish give you their fishy kisses![3], and I guess you're still not satisfied, eh?[3], and it's just hot ... so don't ask, and don't think, please![3], and ice-cool hip swinger moves too fast for you? / Not my problem, man / not my problem at all![3], and / 'What?!' / Don't ask for no sense or even senses just take the delirium that's on offer you little nutjob! / 'Me?!'[3], and if you've got your AUM ...[3], and YOU(!) drive me crazy!!! / Don't come a-ROUND here no more ...[3], and

Yet again Jupiter has got more AUM ... (but less profit this time)

Never mind, eh? It happens to the best of them. At least they've got all that lovely AUM. That's the main thing.

Yeah, AUM is up to £33.1 billion. 'Wow! That's a lot of money, Mikey.' Oh yeah. It's up 4 per cent, Voice. 'That's all right.' But profit is down 18 per cent. 'Jesus!' Don't get upset. They have an explanation. Or at least that Maarten Slendebroek does. (Martin, actually. I refuse to call him Maarten. It's so pretentious. If your name is "Martin", live with it, yeah?) He says it's because of a sale of an arm or something. 'What?! Who sold their arm?!' I don't know. Some lunatic at Jupiter. The whole lot of them are eccentrics. How it affects profit though I can't imagine. Maybe it's an excuse, rather than an explanation.

[It's a crazy world we're living in, dear reader(s) ...]

Oh, you won't believe this, man. 'What?' Martin Slendebroek reckons they have an "organic growth story" at Jupiter. 'Ha! Where did they get that?' Made it up, I suppose, Voice. 'Christ.' But - get this - they want shareholders to be a part of it. 'Yeah? Oh, that's good. I'm glad, boss. Because a lot of these firms are very selfish, you know. I mean, if you're a shareholder, and you want to participate in an absurd story they've got going, you'll often find that your average asset manager will tell you to piss off.' Well, Jupiter are different, son. It's all the financial shamans that work there. Unique culture.

...

Lunch? Luxury egg sandwich. I couldn't resist. I know I shouldn't buy them, but I'm weak.

After lunch? A conceptual. No. 237. I'll do something on profit. Cheer the guys up a bit.

Laters ...

Tuesday 29 July 2014

Bankers have to swear like an oaf after wearing sandals

Or something like that ... this. I don't know what they're talking about. 'Mikey, did you even read the article?' No, Voice. Well, I glanced at it. The internet is full of such financial articles/posts, man. I can't read them all.

No one gets to the truth like me. That's the problem. / If you work in finance, dear reader(s), you only need to read Money is the way. I tell it like it is, you dig? I don't sugar-coat anything.

THERE'S NOTHING HAPPENING!!!

Back in the days when finance was exciting, when everyone was getting arrested or making billions or going out of business, this blog was full of blood and fire. Spirits in the desert! Mystic madness! It was beautiful. Now? Well, I seem to be writing about my music a lot, or what I'm having for lunch. (Egg sandwich today. But not a luxury one. I've got to be careful with my money if I'm going to get that Telecaster.) Oh, man ... I WANT SOMETHING TO HAPPEN!!!

...

I'm listening to Japan, for my sins. Exorcising Ghosts. They were all right, I suppose.

No, I can't take any more of this. What else have I got on my media player? Darklands. The Jesus and Mary Chain. Yeah!

Soon, I'll be able to play the guitar as well as William Reid, I reckon. End of the year ... maybe. / That Telecaster will help. You can strum a couple of chords on an electric or play a few simple notes and the amplifier (with a bit of distortion) will make you sound like a guitar god. It's not rocket science ...

Jesus have cool melodies, man. They should have been bigger, like Oasis. They didn't have no anthems though, like Wonderwall. Never mind.

...

I got a good feeling there's gonna be some exciting news tomorrow. 'Yeah, boss?' Well ... / Lloyds just doesn't do nothing for me ...

Monday 28 July 2014

Luqman Arnold has got a really cool website, man!

Do you remember Luqman Arnold at all? I do. I even wrote about him a few times. Do you remember this, dear reader(s)? -

"I want to know where my fucking shares are. Sure, I'm all broken up about Lehman Brothers, but if those motherfuckers have lost my money I'll swing for them."

That was Luqman Arnold speaking to me back, oh, way back, in 2008. Such a long time ago, eh? He was having some trouble with his Olivant. 'Elephant?!' No, Voice, Olivant. Ivory, yeah. I don't know. Roland had a horn. 'Eh?' Fuck it! It was an investment company of his. But he's packing it in, anyway. He has a new firm now, Cartesius Advisory Network. 'Oh.' Yeah. Luqman has set it up with a Legionnaire. 'Really? Did they meet in the local British Legion then? Were they playing darts?' Don't be an idiot, Voice. French. 'Oh, okay.'

Yeah, here you are, some blood pudding, some blood pudding, some blood pudding, er, for the Alsatians, Swiss, and Lorrainers. For the Belgians, there's none left. They're lazy shirkers. Oh, we're always at ease, we're rough and tough, no ordinary guys. We've often got our black moods, for we are Legionnaires. Our ancestors died for the Legion's glory. We will soon all perish according to tradition. By our sorrows we forget Death, who so little forgets us, for we are the Legion!

'What's that?!' Don't worry about it, man. / Let's focus on Luqman. 'His new firm?' His website! Screw the firm! You won't believe how many interests this guy has. Architecture, art and design, authors and books, cars and planes, inspiring quotes, and, er, movies and TV shows, and music, sports, technology - 'Basically, everything that exists in the world, boss.' Yeah. And it's all on his website.  And see if you can dig this. Luqman has values and beliefs -

"I have learnt that loyalty should be to one's own values and beliefs. One naturally feels loyalty to individuals with whom one works. However, when working in a company, one owes a duty and loyalty to the company. I have observed that for some leaders, their position defines their sense of self-worth and they genuinely believe that they are the institution and that loyalty is therefore due to them - a loyalty that is often confused with an expectation of obedience. Tossers! I have never expected nor offered this type of loyalty to an individual in his or her individual corporate position. Nor have I expected rewards or promotion beyond my own ability and contribution. I am just a man. Naked on this earth. Judge me if you dare."

'Wow! Is that a quote from the website?' No, he phoned me late last night. He said to me, "Mikey, have you seen my really cool website, man? I want you to write about it on your blog." Then he started to go off on one about his values and beliefs. Crazy guy! 'Was he naked at the time?' I don't know, Voice. It was late ...

Thursday 24 July 2014

Scott Braunstein is joining Point72 Asset Management as a money manager

Well, rather him that me. I couldn't work for Stevie. I mean, I can imagine what he's like. Shouting at people. Or staring at them coldly from his office. Who needs it?

And Stevie is probably paranoid now, suspecting everyone. No, it can't be much of a life, working at Point72. Or EverPoint Asset Management. (The firm has loads of names. Why?)

Why doesn't Scott stay at JPMorgan? Is Stevie offering more money? Money, money, money ... / How much is enough?

This Scott Braunstein character should take a look at my life. 'Jesus!' Yeah. All I want is a Fender Telecaster. And not even one of the best ones, but merely a Squier one. 'Boss, this Scott Braunstein geezer doesn't know he's born.' Tell me about it, Voice.

It'll all be different one day. When I'm living in Malibu, just like Jackie Treehorn, Scott will say to himself: Why don't I have a big house in Malibu? Mikey isn't a better man than me!

And you know what, dear reader(s)? I won't care! Life isn't fair. / And no one is forcing Scott to work in finance. He could get a Telecaster. He could write songs. Who's stopping him?! No one. Scott is the master of his own destiny.

...

Thank God the weekend is nearly here. / Yeah! Pub tomorrow. Down by the river. In the sunshine. A couple of pints of Kronenbourg. Oh, the fish will be jumpin'. The livin' will be easy. And the cotton will be high. 'Eh?' Never mind, man. Go back to sleep, Voice. / Hush, little baby ...

[No. 236] Love will keep them together

For Andrzej and Justin.

And / singing a song? Don't mess a-ROUND!!![1], and think of me ... (?!) ... er, babe, when some sweet talkin' girl/guy comes along[1], and / singing a song? Don't mess a-ROUND!!![2], and love certainly hasn't torn them apart ... because it's real joy they got, man![1], and think of me ... (?!) ... er, babe, when some sweet talkin' girl/guy comes along[2], and / Who? What? Wake up! / this is for Andrzej and Justin, this is[1], and love certainly hasn't torn them apart ... because it's real joy they got, man![2], and love will keep them together / and keep me out of it, please![1], and / Who? What? Wake up! / this is for Andrzej and Justin, this is[2], and / oh, your looks will be gone ... so, so ... who'll be turning you on? / Not me![1], and love will keep them together / and keep me out of it, please![2], and it takes a real passion (and a real obsession) to leave the easy life at Aviva Investors behind[1], and / oh, your looks will be gone ... so, so ... who'll be turning you on? / Not me![2], and some people need more than lazy days in the park with ice cream in their mouths[1], and it takes a real passion (and a real obsession) to leave the easy life at Aviva Investors behind[2], and just ... stop, stop / 'Can't stop!'[1], and some people need more than lazy days in the park with ice cream in their mouths[2], and I got POSITIVE VIBRATIONS about the whole thing ...[1], and just ... stop, stop / 'Can't stop!'[2], and Andrzej and Justin? I got a feeling they'll be a-ROUND here forever - Hello![1], and I got POSITIVE VIBRATIONS about the whole thing ...[2], and / Come on! / Say - Hello![1], and Andrzej and Justin? I got a feeling they'll be a-ROUND here forever - Hello![2], and / singing a song? Don't mess a-ROUND!!![3], and / Come on! / Say - Hello![2], and think of me ... (?!) ... er, babe, when some sweet talkin' girl/guy comes along[3], and love certainly hasn't torn them apart ... because it's real joy they got, man![3], and / Who? What? Wake up! / this is for Andrzej and Justin, this is[3], and love will keep them together / and keep me out of it, please![3], and / oh, your looks will be gone ... so, so ... who'll be turning you on? / Not me![3], and it takes a real passion (and a real obsession) to leave the easy life at Aviva Investors behind[3], and some people need more than lazy days in the park with ice cream in their mouths[3], and just ... stop, stop / 'Can't stop!'[3], and I got POSITIVE VIBRATIONS about the whole thing ...[3], and Andrzej and Justin? I got a feeling they'll be a-ROUND here forever - Hello![3], and / Come on! / Say - Hello![3], and

And / singing a song? Don't mess a-ROUND!!![1], and think of me ... (?!) ... er, babe, when some sweet talkin' girl/guy comes along[1], and / singing a song? Don't mess a-ROUND!!![2], and love certainly hasn't torn them apart ... because it's real joy they got, man![1], and think of me ... (?!) ... er, babe, when some sweet talkin' girl/guy comes along[2], and / Who? What? Wake up! / this is for Andrzej and Justin, this is[1], and love certainly hasn't torn them apart ... because it's real joy they got, man![2], and love will keep them together / and keep me out of it, please![1], and / Who? What? Wake up! / this is for Andrzej and Justin, this is[2], and / oh, your looks will be gone ... so, so ... who'll be turning you on? / Not me![1], and love will keep them together / and keep me out of it, please![2], and it takes a real passion (and a real obsession) to leave the easy life at Aviva Investors behind[1], and / oh, your looks will be gone ... so, so ... who'll be turning you on? / Not me![2], and some people need more than lazy days in the park with ice cream in their mouths[1], and it takes a real passion (and a real obsession) to leave the easy life at Aviva Investors behind[2], and just ... stop, stop / 'Can't stop!'[1], and some people need more than lazy days in the park with ice cream in their mouths[2], and I got POSITIVE VIBRATIONS about the whole thing ...[1], and just ... stop, stop / 'Can't stop!'[2], and Andrzej and Justin? I got a feeling they'll be a-ROUND here forever - Hello![1], and I got POSITIVE VIBRATIONS about the whole thing ...[2], and / Come on! / Say - Hello![1], and Andrzej and Justin? I got a feeling they'll be a-ROUND here forever - Hello![2], and / singing a song? Don't mess a-ROUND!!![3], and / Come on! / Say - Hello![2], and think of me ... (?!) ... er, babe, when some sweet talkin' girl/guy comes along[3], and love certainly hasn't torn them apart ... because it's real joy they got, man![3], and / Who? What? Wake up! / this is for Andrzej and Justin, this is[3], and love will keep them together / and keep me out of it, please![3], and / oh, your looks will be gone ... so, so ... who'll be turning you on? / Not me![3], and it takes a real passion (and a real obsession) to leave the easy life at Aviva Investors behind[3], and some people need more than lazy days in the park with ice cream in their mouths[3], and just ... stop, stop / 'Can't stop!'[3], and I got POSITIVE VIBRATIONS about the whole thing ...[3], and Andrzej and Justin? I got a feeling they'll be a-ROUND here forever - Hello![3], and / Come on! / Say - Hello![3], and

And / singing a song? Don't mess a-ROUND!!![1], and think of me ... (?!) ... er, babe, when some sweet talkin' girl/guy comes along[1], and / singing a song? Don't mess a-ROUND!!![2], and love certainly hasn't torn them apart ... because it's real joy they got, man![1], and think of me ... (?!) ... er, babe, when some sweet talkin' girl/guy comes along[2], and / Who? What? Wake up! / this is for Andrzej and Justin, this is[1], and love certainly hasn't torn them apart ... because it's real joy they got, man![2], and love will keep them together / and keep me out of it, please![1], and / Who? What? Wake up! / this is for Andrzej and Justin, this is[2], and / oh, your looks will be gone ... so, so ... who'll be turning you on? / Not me![1], and love will keep them together / and keep me out of it, please![2], and it takes a real passion (and a real obsession) to leave the easy life at Aviva Investors behind[1], and / oh, your looks will be gone ... so, so ... who'll be turning you on? / Not me![2], and some people need more than lazy days in the park with ice cream in their mouths[1], and it takes a real passion (and a real obsession) to leave the easy life at Aviva Investors behind[2], and just ... stop, stop / 'Can't stop!'[1], and some people need more than lazy days in the park with ice cream in their mouths[2], and I got POSITIVE VIBRATIONS about the whole thing ...[1], and just ... stop, stop / 'Can't stop!'[2], and Andrzej and Justin? I got a feeling they'll be a-ROUND here forever - Hello![1], and I got POSITIVE VIBRATIONS about the whole thing ...[2], and / Come on! / Say - Hello![1], and Andrzej and Justin? I got a feeling they'll be a-ROUND here forever - Hello![2], and / singing a song? Don't mess a-ROUND!!![3], and / Come on! / Say - Hello![2], and think of me ... (?!) ... er, babe, when some sweet talkin' girl/guy comes along[3], and love certainly hasn't torn them apart ... because it's real joy they got, man![3], and / Who? What? Wake up! / this is for Andrzej and Justin, this is[3], and love will keep them together / and keep me out of it, please![3], and / oh, your looks will be gone ... so, so ... who'll be turning you on? / Not me![3], and it takes a real passion (and a real obsession) to leave the easy life at Aviva Investors behind[3], and some people need more than lazy days in the park with ice cream in their mouths[3], and just ... stop, stop / 'Can't stop!'[3], and I got POSITIVE VIBRATIONS about the whole thing ...[3], and Andrzej and Justin? I got a feeling they'll be a-ROUND here forever - Hello![3], and / Come on! / Say - Hello![3], and

Andrzej Pioch and Justin Onuekwusi are together again!

Are they in love? I don't know, man. I don't know what's going on with these two. All I can tell you, dear reader(s), is that they were working at Aviva Investors together, right? 'Right.' Then Justin Onuekwusi left - for reasons best known to himself. ('Didn't like the ice cream?' I don't know.) Then Andrzej Pioch got lonely, I suppose. 'Ah!' He missed his friend. 'But all's well that ends well, boss.' Almost, Voice, almost. I've been looking at Andrzej's LinkedIn profile. He hasn't updated it, you know. 'Christ!' It says he's still working at Aviva Investors as one of those cockamamie multi-asset fund managers. 'Ha!' It should say he's working at Legal & General Investment Management with his soulmate Justin Onuekwusi. 'Mad. / He's just excited, Mikey, seeing Justin again. Give him a few more days. Maybe a week. If he still hasn't updated it, pop round to see him at the LGIM office with the razor.' Yeah, I'll do that. 'By the way, has Justin still got a bugbear?' No. I sorted it, remember ... with No. 206, back in March. 'Oh, of course. How silly of me to forget!' How could you forget something like that, man?!

...

Lunch? Christ. Cheese sandwich, if you really need to know, dear reader(s). And prawn cocktail crisps, yoghurt (haven't decided on the flavour yet), and a can of Coke. Are you happy now? What are you having?

...

Guitar? That alternate picking is like second nature now. It's amazing what you can do if you put your mind to it. / I've learnt a few more notes on the fretboard. I'm getting to grips with the scales. Pretty soon, I'll be a pretty good lead guitarist, man. / I have to practice over chords though. I haven't done that yet. I'll have to make some backing tracks. / Don't worry about it, son. Everything is working out ...

Oh, I'm listening to The Band.

He was just eighteen, proud and brave, but a Yankee laid him in his grave ...

Wednesday 23 July 2014

The FCA has fined Ian Hannam £450,000 (again) for market abuse

Well, never mind. I'm sure Ian can afford to pay. Maybe now he will see that he's been wasting his time with finance all these years.

Tracey says: "This has been a long and complex case but the Tribunal's substantial judgment is a landmark. It should leave market participants in no doubt that casual and uncontrolled distribution of inside information is not acceptable in today's markets. Controlling the flow of inside information is a key way of preventing market abuse and we would urge all market participants to pay close attention to the judgment." Here, have a look for yourself, dear reader(s).

Oh, I don't know. You've got to control inside information now. Where will it all end?

You'll have to control your thoughts, and your desires. / As an example, imagine you work at Aviva Investors, yeah? ... I want an ice cream. No, you can't have an ice cream. But it's sunny outside. I want to go to the park. No, you can't go to the park. Have a look at these spreadsheets. Fuck the spreadsheets, man! Are you insane?!

Absolutely horrible! However, that's the future. Total control! No eccentricity, no original thoughts, maybe even no emotions. 'Where are you getting all this from, boss? The FCA isn't stopping anyone having an ice cream.' But they will, Voice, they will.

Finance is becoming unbearable. Everyone has got to get out. Everyone has got to be free.

...

I did a conceptual yesterday, No. 235. That fooled you, didn't it, reader(s)? You weren't expecting one on a Tuesday. I'm full of surprises, me.

Today though I might go out after lunch. Park, ice cream, who knows? The pub? The FCA won't like it, of course. Tracey will probably call my mobile ... Mikey, you've got to do No. 236. Get back inside, boy!

No! I'm a free man! I'll do what I want. 'You live in a dream world, boss.' Shut it, you moron!

Tuesday 22 July 2014

[No. 235] Will Leigh Himsworth ever be free?

Or more than THREE?

And will Leigh ever come a-ROUND?[1], and ... / Oh! / maybe, maybe not ...[1], and will Leigh ever come a-ROUND?[2], and a man like our Leigh needs to get DIZZY[1], and ... / Oh! / maybe, maybe not ...[2], and sometimes ... a friendly face just isn't enough[1], and a man like our Leigh needs to get DIZZY[2], and ... / City Financial, and Eden Financial, and Gartmare, and Royal London Asset Management ...[1], and sometimes ... a friendly face just isn't enough[2], and there's more! / YOU(!) better believe![1], and ... / City Financial, and Eden Financial, and Gartmare, and Royal London Asset Management ...[2], and ... / Rensburg Sheppards, and Nestle Pension Fund, and BWD Rensburg, and Otley Motors, and Price Waterhouse ...[1], and there's more! / YOU(!) better believe![2], and NOW(!) ... Fidelity?![1], and ... / Rensburg Sheppards, and Nestle Pension Fund, and BWD Rensburg, and Otley Motors, and Price Waterhouse ...[2], and does the pain goes on forever? / Oh yes, the pain goes on forever[1], and NOW(!) ... Fidelity?![2], and if Leigh were here ... I'm sure we'd be able to ease his pain[1], and does the pain goes on forever? / Oh yes, the pain goes on forever[2], and we're looking for a miracle ... some of these firms are genuinely evil, you know[1], and if Leigh were here ... I'm sure we'd be able to ease his pain[2], and I know YOU(!) know[1], and we're looking for a miracle ... some of these firms are genuinely evil, you know[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can do wonders for the squares of this world[1], and I know YOU(!) know[2], and Leigh! ... COME here ... man![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can do wonders for the squares of this world[2], and we've got the LOVE you want ... and we're heading for the THREE ... and we may well go past it[1], and Leigh! ... COME here ... man![2], and we're a little unusual - so what?![1], and we've got the LOVE you want ... and we're heading for the THREE ... and we may well go past it[2], and I reckon your 489 connections are holding you back, son / They don't love you![1], and we're a little unusual - so what?![2], and come with us, Leigh ... you'll never want to get back in touch again[1], and I reckon your 489 connections are holding you back, son / They don't love you![2], and / Don't be afraid![1], and come with us, Leigh ... you'll never want to get back in touch again[2], and will Leigh ever come a-ROUND?[3], and / Don't be afraid![2], and ... / Oh! / maybe, maybe not ...[3], and a man like our Leigh needs to get DIZZY[3], and sometimes ... a friendly face just isn't enough[3], and ... / City Financial, and Eden Financial, and Gartmare, and Royal London Asset Management ...[3], and there's more! / YOU(!) better believe![3], and ... / Rensburg Sheppards, and Nestle Pension Fund, and BWD Rensburg, and Otley Motors, and Price Waterhouse ...[3], and NOW(!) ... Fidelity?![3], and does the pain goes on forever? / Oh yes, the pain goes on forever[3], and if Leigh were here ... I'm sure we'd be able to ease his pain[3], and we're looking for a miracle ... some of these firms are genuinely evil, you know[3], and I know YOU(!) know[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can do wonders for the squares of this world[3], and Leigh! ... COME here ... man![3], and we've got the LOVE you want ... and we're heading for the THREE ... and we may well go past it[3], and we're a little unusual - so what?![3], and I reckon your 489 connections are holding you back, son / They don't love you![3], and come with us, Leigh ... you'll never want to get back in touch again[3], and / Don't be afraid![3], and

And will Leigh ever come a-ROUND?[1], and ... / Oh! / maybe, maybe not ...[1], and will Leigh ever come a-ROUND?[2], and a man like our Leigh needs to get DIZZY[1], and ... / Oh! / maybe, maybe not ...[2], and sometimes ... a friendly face just isn't enough[1], and a man like our Leigh needs to get DIZZY[2], and ... / City Financial, and Eden Financial, and Gartmare, and Royal London Asset Management ...[1], and sometimes ... a friendly face just isn't enough[2], and there's more! / YOU(!) better believe![1], and ... / City Financial, and Eden Financial, and Gartmare, and Royal London Asset Management ...[2], and ... / Rensburg Sheppards, and Nestle Pension Fund, and BWD Rensburg, and Otley Motors, and Price Waterhouse ...[1], and there's more! / YOU(!) better believe![2], and NOW(!) ... Fidelity?![1], and ... / Rensburg Sheppards, and Nestle Pension Fund, and BWD Rensburg, and Otley Motors, and Price Waterhouse ...[2], and does the pain goes on forever? / Oh yes, the pain goes on forever[1], and NOW(!) ... Fidelity?![2], and if Leigh were here ... I'm sure we'd be able to ease his pain[1], and does the pain goes on forever? / Oh yes, the pain goes on forever[2], and we're looking for a miracle ... some of these firms are genuinely evil, you know[1], and if Leigh were here ... I'm sure we'd be able to ease his pain[2], and I know YOU(!) know[1], and we're looking for a miracle ... some of these firms are genuinely evil, you know[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can do wonders for the squares of this world[1], and I know YOU(!) know[2], and Leigh! ... COME here ... man![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can do wonders for the squares of this world[2], and we've got the LOVE you want ... and we're heading for the THREE ... and we may well go past it[1], and Leigh! ... COME here ... man![2], and we're a little unusual - so what?![1], and we've got the LOVE you want ... and we're heading for the THREE ... and we may well go past it[2], and I reckon your 489 connections are holding you back, son / They don't love you![1], and we're a little unusual - so what?![2], and come with us, Leigh ... you'll never want to get back in touch again[1], and I reckon your 489 connections are holding you back, son / They don't love you![2], and / Don't be afraid![1], and come with us, Leigh ... you'll never want to get back in touch again[2], and will Leigh ever come a-ROUND?[3], and / Don't be afraid![2], and ... / Oh! / maybe, maybe not ...[3], and a man like our Leigh needs to get DIZZY[3], and sometimes ... a friendly face just isn't enough[3], and ... / City Financial, and Eden Financial, and Gartmare, and Royal London Asset Management ...[3], and there's more! / YOU(!) better believe![3], and ... / Rensburg Sheppards, and Nestle Pension Fund, and BWD Rensburg, and Otley Motors, and Price Waterhouse ...[3], and NOW(!) ... Fidelity?![3], and does the pain goes on forever? / Oh yes, the pain goes on forever[3], and if Leigh were here ... I'm sure we'd be able to ease his pain[3], and we're looking for a miracle ... some of these firms are genuinely evil, you know[3], and I know YOU(!) know[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can do wonders for the squares of this world[3], and Leigh! ... COME here ... man![3], and we've got the LOVE you want ... and we're heading for the THREE ... and we may well go past it[3], and we're a little unusual - so what?![3], and I reckon your 489 connections are holding you back, son / They don't love you![3], and come with us, Leigh ... you'll never want to get back in touch again[3], and / Don't be afraid![3], and

And will Leigh ever come a-ROUND?[1], and ... / Oh! / maybe, maybe not ...[1], and will Leigh ever come a-ROUND?[2], and a man like our Leigh needs to get DIZZY[1], and ... / Oh! / maybe, maybe not ...[2], and sometimes ... a friendly face just isn't enough[1], and a man like our Leigh needs to get DIZZY[2], and ... / City Financial, and Eden Financial, and Gartmare, and Royal London Asset Management ...[1], and sometimes ... a friendly face just isn't enough[2], and there's more! / YOU(!) better believe![1], and ... / City Financial, and Eden Financial, and Gartmare, and Royal London Asset Management ...[2], and ... / Rensburg Sheppards, and Nestle Pension Fund, and BWD Rensburg, and Otley Motors, and Price Waterhouse ...[1], and there's more! / YOU(!) better believe![2], and NOW(!) ... Fidelity?![1], and ... / Rensburg Sheppards, and Nestle Pension Fund, and BWD Rensburg, and Otley Motors, and Price Waterhouse ...[2], and does the pain goes on forever? / Oh yes, the pain goes on forever[1], and NOW(!) ... Fidelity?![2], and if Leigh were here ... I'm sure we'd be able to ease his pain[1], and does the pain goes on forever? / Oh yes, the pain goes on forever[2], and we're looking for a miracle ... some of these firms are genuinely evil, you know[1], and if Leigh were here ... I'm sure we'd be able to ease his pain[2], and I know YOU(!) know[1], and we're looking for a miracle ... some of these firms are genuinely evil, you know[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can do wonders for the squares of this world[1], and I know YOU(!) know[2], and Leigh! ... COME here ... man![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can do wonders for the squares of this world[2], and we've got the LOVE you want ... and we're heading for the THREE ... and we may well go past it[1], and Leigh! ... COME here ... man![2], and we're a little unusual - so what?![1], and we've got the LOVE you want ... and we're heading for the THREE ... and we may well go past it[2], and I reckon your 489 connections are holding you back, son / They don't love you![1], and we're a little unusual - so what?![2], and come with us, Leigh ... you'll never want to get back in touch again[1], and I reckon your 489 connections are holding you back, son / They don't love you![2], and / Don't be afraid![1], and come with us, Leigh ... you'll never want to get back in touch again[2], and will Leigh ever come a-ROUND?[3], and / Don't be afraid![2], and ... / Oh! / maybe, maybe not ...[3], and a man like our Leigh needs to get DIZZY[3], and sometimes ... a friendly face just isn't enough[3], and ... / City Financial, and Eden Financial, and Gartmare, and Royal London Asset Management ...[3], and there's more! / YOU(!) better believe![3], and ... / Rensburg Sheppards, and Nestle Pension Fund, and BWD Rensburg, and Otley Motors, and Price Waterhouse ...[3], and NOW(!) ... Fidelity?![3], and does the pain goes on forever? / Oh yes, the pain goes on forever[3], and if Leigh were here ... I'm sure we'd be able to ease his pain[3], and we're looking for a miracle ... some of these firms are genuinely evil, you know[3], and I know YOU(!) know[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... can do wonders for the squares of this world[3], and Leigh! ... COME here ... man![3], and we've got the LOVE you want ... and we're heading for the THREE ... and we may well go past it[3], and we're a little unusual - so what?![3], and I reckon your 489 connections are holding you back, son / They don't love you![3], and come with us, Leigh ... you'll never want to get back in touch again[3], and / Don't be afraid![3], and

City Financial has sold Leigh Himsworth to Fidelity

Yeah, City Financial doesn't want Leigh Himsworth no more. They thought he was going to be a god or something. Maybe a master of reality. (I think Eden gave them the wrong idea.) But he's just a normal human being, like so many other people working in finance these days. Never mind. So, Fidelity owns him now. Not that you would know from reading Leigh's LinkedIn profile. The crazy cat hasn't updated it!

Well, well ... / No one knows what kind of fund Leigh will be managing at Fidelity. It's a bit of a mystery. I've phoned around. No one is saying anything, much. Out of fear? I don't know. / I actually like Leigh. He's a good guy. He has a nice friendly face - which is rare in finance these days, even with the normals. If he's in trouble, I hope he can get to a phone. I've told my intern I'll drop everything when the call comes. ('Eh?' Shut it!) I've got my razor ready ...

...

That's it. Nothing else is happening at the moment, I'm afraid. / The scene is dead. It's summertime, you see. The livin' is easy. Fish are jumpin'. Don't blame me. Hush!

...

I can't record in this heat ... / I should have finished my demo before summer. Alas, my guitar skills weren't up to scratch. Not sure they are now. However, I'm getting better, man. But it takes months. It's no use doing seven or eight hours practice in a day and expecting results. You have to do steady practice, two, three, four hours a day, every day.

John Coltrane use to play his sax all the time. (I can't do that. Other commitments.) Once, his wife was in the kitchen and suddenly the saxophone stopped. Shocked, she went into the living room to find out what the matter was. Coltrane had fallen asleep with the sax still in his mouth. / I hope that's a true story because I dig it, you dig?

Monday 21 July 2014

I don't have any hope for this country

Or any country in the Western world. Or any country in the world, in fact ... / Last night I watched that tough guy from EastEnders with the street gangs of Belize. And now I've just read this. The shit Paul Mason has written about will never be sorted out. There is no way that millions of permanent, secure, well-paid new jobs are going to be created. (He's talking about the young, but it applies to everybody.) Our only hope - or my only hope, at any rate - is the old Bill Hicks' joke about being abducted by aliens. Aliens, abduct me!

Yeah ... / I've always envied Richard Dreyfuss at the end of Close Encounters of the Third Kind. You can just tell those friendly little aliens are going to look after him. No work, no bills, no taxes, no insurance - no hassles! Just flying around the universe in a big fuck-off spaceship. Who wouldn't want that?

...

And that's what Malibu is to me, you know? A big fuck-off spaceship with a beach attached. My chances of ending up there are probably about the same as my chances of a real spaceship picking me up. But you've got to have a dream, ain't ya? Not everyone can be saved. / A few people can be saved though. Maybe you need luck, I don't know. I think you probably need to be a fanatic, like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I've just read his autobiography. The way he arrived in America, not even being able to speak English, and went from champion bodybuilder to film star to Governor of California is just amazing. He really had the mentality of a terminator. You have to forget fear, almost forget you're human. You have to focus on your goal, a big goal, and go after it, never stopping for anything. Or wait for some friendly aliens to take an interest in you. Those are the two choices. But there is absolutely no future in a normal life. A life where you go to work, pay the bills (if you can), vote for scumbags, walk the dog, eat your dinner, watch TV, and wait for death ...

Thursday 17 July 2014

I missed the Delivering Alpha conference!

Damn! / It was in New York though. A bit difficult for me to get to. It sounds like everyone had a really wild time. Carl Icahn and William Ackman were hugging and kissing. 'What?!' Yeah. They had a bust-up some time ago. Now they're friends again. 'Friends, boss?' Yeah, friends, Voice. It's all above board.

Apparently, all kinds of finance superstars were at this conference. Except me, of course. Do they have it every year? It's run by CNBC. Maybe I'll go next year - if they pay my airfare. 'Are they likely to do that, Mikey?' Well, I am the world's foremost financial shaman. 'Yeah. Why didn't they fly you over this time?' I don't know, man. What's with all the questions?

The fact is, they know I'm busy with my music right now. I doubt they wanted to bother me. 'Yeah, that's it, boss. They know how much trouble you're having recording those songs of yours. They know you can't play the guitar, so -' Will you shut up?! I can play the guitar, for your information, Voice. I'm just perfecting my technique ...

Anyway, I reckon I will get a Telecaster. My finances are a bit dodgy at the moment, but I should be able to manage it. I'll get the cheapest Squier one. But it looks nice. Cream and white. / Twenty-five years ago, I had a Fender Squier Stratocaster. That was white as well. I wish I had bothered to learn lead guitar in those days. Regrets? I have a few ... However, I'm not Sinatra.

[No. 234] Let's get Andy out of Stratton Street Capital for good!

The Main Andy.

And surely they can cope?[1], and maybe we'll get Andy GONE a-ROUND beyond the THREE / then no one will ever see him again[1], and surely they can cope?[2], and if you're retiring, you've got to go away ... there's another life, and I ain't talking about the Aviva Investors ice cream and lager scene[1], and maybe we'll get Andy GONE a-ROUND beyond the THREE / then no one will ever see him again[2], and YES(!) ... maybe we'll get Andy to touch the sun![1], and if you're retiring, you've got to go away ... there's another life, and I ain't talking about the Aviva Investors ice cream and lager scene[2], and where is Andy? In the office? On the golf course? NO!!![1], and YES(!) ... maybe we'll get Andy to touch the sun![2], and here he is ... DIZZY as a mofo not knowing what's going on - oh, look, pink elephants![1], and where is Andy? In the office? On the golf course? NO!!![2], and what a surprise![1], and here he is ... DIZZY as a mofo not knowing what's going on - oh, look, pink elephants![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and ... how many for the road? / It doesn't matter![1], and what a surprise![2], and ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and ... how many for the road? / It doesn't matter![2], and NOTHING MATTERS ... when you think about it ... or even when you don't think about it[1], and ...[2], and / ... I know that Andy hasn't opened himself up yet ... but he's here now ... so let's make the most of it![1], and NOTHING MATTERS ... when you think about it ... or even when you don't think about it[2], and I'm staying positive, as always[1], and / ... I know that Andy hasn't opened himself up yet ... but he's here now ... so let's make the most of it![2], and surely they can cope?[3], and I'm staying positive, as always[2], and maybe we'll get Andy GONE a-ROUND beyond the THREE / then no one will ever see him again[3], and if you're retiring, you've got to go away ... there's another life, and I ain't talking about the Aviva Investors ice cream and lager scene[3], and YES(!) ... maybe we'll get Andy to touch the sun![3], and where is Andy? In the office? On the golf course? NO!!![3], and here he is ... DIZZY as a mofo not knowing what's going on - oh, look, pink elephants![3], and what a surprise![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and ... how many for the road? / It doesn't matter![3], and ...[3], and NOTHING MATTERS ... when you think about it ... or even when you don't think about it[3], and / ... I know that Andy hasn't opened himself up yet ... but he's here now ... so let's make the most of it![3], and I'm staying positive, as always[3], and

And surely they can cope?[1], and maybe we'll get Andy GONE a-ROUND beyond the THREE / then no one will ever see him again[1], and surely they can cope?[2], and if you're retiring, you've got to go away ... there's another life, and I ain't talking about the Aviva Investors ice cream and lager scene[1], and maybe we'll get Andy GONE a-ROUND beyond the THREE / then no one will ever see him again[2], and YES(!) ... maybe we'll get Andy to touch the sun![1], and if you're retiring, you've got to go away ... there's another life, and I ain't talking about the Aviva Investors ice cream and lager scene[2], and where is Andy? In the office? On the golf course? NO!!![1], and YES(!) ... maybe we'll get Andy to touch the sun![2], and here he is ... DIZZY as a mofo not knowing what's going on - oh, look, pink elephants![1], and where is Andy? In the office? On the golf course? NO!!![2], and what a surprise![1], and here he is ... DIZZY as a mofo not knowing what's going on - oh, look, pink elephants![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and ... how many for the road? / It doesn't matter![1], and what a surprise![2], and ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and ... how many for the road? / It doesn't matter![2], and NOTHING MATTERS ... when you think about it ... or even when you don't think about it[1], and ...[2], and / ... I know that Andy hasn't opened himself up yet ... but he's here now ... so let's make the most of it![1], and NOTHING MATTERS ... when you think about it ... or even when you don't think about it[2], and I'm staying positive, as always[1], and / ... I know that Andy hasn't opened himself up yet ... but he's here now ... so let's make the most of it![2], and surely they can cope?[3], and I'm staying positive, as always[2], and maybe we'll get Andy GONE a-ROUND beyond the THREE / then no one will ever see him again[3], and if you're retiring, you've got to go away ... there's another life, and I ain't talking about the Aviva Investors ice cream and lager scene[3], and YES(!) ... maybe we'll get Andy to touch the sun![3], and where is Andy? In the office? On the golf course? NO!!![3], and here he is ... DIZZY as a mofo not knowing what's going on - oh, look, pink elephants![3], and what a surprise![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and ... how many for the road? / It doesn't matter![3], and ...[3], and NOTHING MATTERS ... when you think about it ... or even when you don't think about it[3], and / ... I know that Andy hasn't opened himself up yet ... but he's here now ... so let's make the most of it![3], and I'm staying positive, as always[3], and

And surely they can cope?[1], and maybe we'll get Andy GONE a-ROUND beyond the THREE / then no one will ever see him again[1], and surely they can cope?[2], and if you're retiring, you've got to go away ... there's another life, and I ain't talking about the Aviva Investors ice cream and lager scene[1], and maybe we'll get Andy GONE a-ROUND beyond the THREE / then no one will ever see him again[2], and YES(!) ... maybe we'll get Andy to touch the sun![1], and if you're retiring, you've got to go away ... there's another life, and I ain't talking about the Aviva Investors ice cream and lager scene[2], and where is Andy? In the office? On the golf course? NO!!![1], and YES(!) ... maybe we'll get Andy to touch the sun![2], and here he is ... DIZZY as a mofo not knowing what's going on - oh, look, pink elephants![1], and where is Andy? In the office? On the golf course? NO!!![2], and what a surprise![1], and here he is ... DIZZY as a mofo not knowing what's going on - oh, look, pink elephants![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and ... how many for the road? / It doesn't matter![1], and what a surprise![2], and ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and ... how many for the road? / It doesn't matter![2], and NOTHING MATTERS ... when you think about it ... or even when you don't think about it[1], and ...[2], and / ... I know that Andy hasn't opened himself up yet ... but he's here now ... so let's make the most of it![1], and NOTHING MATTERS ... when you think about it ... or even when you don't think about it[2], and I'm staying positive, as always[1], and / ... I know that Andy hasn't opened himself up yet ... but he's here now ... so let's make the most of it![2], and surely they can cope?[3], and I'm staying positive, as always[2], and maybe we'll get Andy GONE a-ROUND beyond the THREE / then no one will ever see him again[3], and if you're retiring, you've got to go away ... there's another life, and I ain't talking about the Aviva Investors ice cream and lager scene[3], and YES(!) ... maybe we'll get Andy to touch the sun![3], and where is Andy? In the office? On the golf course? NO!!![3], and here he is ... DIZZY as a mofo not knowing what's going on - oh, look, pink elephants![3], and what a surprise![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and ... how many for the road? / It doesn't matter![3], and ...[3], and NOTHING MATTERS ... when you think about it ... or even when you don't think about it[3], and / ... I know that Andy hasn't opened himself up yet ... but he's here now ... so let's make the most of it![3], and I'm staying positive, as always[3], and

Andrew Main can't leave it alone

Finance, I mean. / Andy is supposed to be retiring from Stratton Street Capital. (He's one of the four founders, apparently.) Instead, he's staying on as a "consultant". I suppose he thinks it means he'll be working part-time, but you know how these things go, dear reader(s). He'll be in the office one morning, "consulting", then someone will ask him to stay for a few hours in the afternoon because of some bullshit emergency. (As if!) Andy will have to cancel golf with his friends. He'll stay for the afternoon, then into the evening. He'll probably leave around midnight. 'Ha!' And you can be sure that they'll ask him to be in again at 5.00am. And that will happen every day!

Retiring, ha! / Andy, mate, if you want to retire, you've got to do it properly. Walk away from those squares at Stratton Street, and tell them they'll never see your face again. Spell it out to them! Make them understand, man! Mark, Trevor and that other Andy will take advantage of you otherwise. 'They'll take the piss, boss.' Of course they will, Voice! / There ain't no such things as halfway crooks. You either in, Andy, or you're out.

[And the crook thing? Don't get upset, bruv. It's just a rap saying. 2Pac and all that? Never mind.]

...

Reader(s) ...

Lunch? Oh, I don't know. Cheese sandwich. Crisps. Yoghurt. Pepsi. Why are you so obsessed, dear reader(s), with what I have for lunch? Maybe you should get a life, yeah?

[I prefer Coke, as you know. The Pepsi was on special offer though. Six cans for £1.70.]

After lunch? Well ... I'll probably take Andy Main for a spin, No. 234. See if I can spin some sense into him.

I'm not getting my hopes up.

Wednesday 16 July 2014

[No. 233] No changes!

I'm talking eternity. And living it! And loving it!

And this is the way you keep CONTROL / you get a-ROUND, one, two, three / it's so easy[1], and people lose their minds trying to change shit thinking they can feel different in the dirt[1], and this is the way you keep CONTROL / you get a-ROUND, one, two, three / it's so easy[2], and there aren't any changes that can change anything ...[1], and people lose their minds trying to change shit thinking they can feel different in the dirt[2], and YOU(!) ... might panic, oh ...[1], and there aren't any changes that can change anything ...[2], and I'm saying: NO! ... STAY CALM(!) ... stop your nonsense, roll on the floor, or on the ceiling, a-ROUND ...[1], and YOU(!) ... might panic, oh ...[2], and the beauty of No. 233? ... It's the beauty of any number![1], and I'm saying: NO! ... STAY CALM(!) ... stop your nonsense, roll on the floor, or on the ceiling, a-ROUND ...[2], and / COME ON IN! ... get fixed, man, forever, free of charge ... while stocks last, ha![1], and the beauty of No. 233? ... It's the beauty of any number![2], and I'll be your guru ... if you're lost and lonely[1], and / COME ON IN! ... get fixed, man, forever, free of charge ... while stocks last, ha![2], and / the confused and weak are very welcome / the more the merrier![1], and I'll be your guru ... if you're lost and lonely[2], and there's nothing new under the sun - or something ... Who said that?[1], and / the confused and weak are very welcome / the more the merrier![2], and maybe ... if we could only touch the sun ... / Oh, that would make all the difference! - ?[1], and there's nothing new under the sun - or something ... Who said that?[2], and I'm not getting my hopes up[1], and maybe ... if we could only touch the sun ... / Oh, that would make all the difference! - ?[2], and / what do YOU(!) actually want, man?![1], and I'm not getting my hopes up[2], and  ... a Telecaster? / Would I feel better?[1], and / what do YOU(!) actually want, man?![2], and you've got to have a dream! / My dream is to stay here forever ... DIZZY as a motherfucker[1], and  ... a Telecaster? / Would I feel better?[2], and here ... I am, NOW and forever ...[1], and you've got to have a dream! / My dream is to stay here forever ... DIZZY as a motherfucker[2], and this is the way you keep CONTROL / you get a-ROUND, one, two, three / it's so easy[3], and here ... I am, NOW and forever ...[2], and people lose their minds trying to change shit thinking they can feel different in the dirt[3], and there aren't any changes that can change anything ...[3], and YOU(!) ... might panic, oh ...[3], and I'm saying: NO! ... STAY CALM(!) ... stop your nonsense, roll on the floor, or on the ceiling, a-ROUND ...[3], and the beauty of No. 233? ... It's the beauty of any number![3], and / COME ON IN! ... get fixed, man, forever, free of charge ... while stocks last, ha![3], and I'll be your guru ... if you're lost and lonely[3], and / the confused and weak are very welcome / the more the merrier![3], and there's nothing new under the sun - or something ... Who said that?[3], and maybe ... if we could only touch the sun ... / Oh, that would make all the difference! - ?[3], and I'm not getting my hopes up[3], and / what do YOU(!) actually want, man?![3], and  ... a Telecaster? / Would I feel better?[3], and you've got to have a dream! / My dream is to stay here forever ... DIZZY as a motherfucker[3], and here ... I am, NOW and forever ...[3], and

And this is the way you keep CONTROL / you get a-ROUND, one, two, three / it's so easy[1], and people lose their minds trying to change shit thinking they can feel different in the dirt[1], and this is the way you keep CONTROL / you get a-ROUND, one, two, three / it's so easy[2], and there aren't any changes that can change anything ...[1], and people lose their minds trying to change shit thinking they can feel different in the dirt[2], and YOU(!) ... might panic, oh ...[1], and there aren't any changes that can change anything ...[2], and I'm saying: NO! ... STAY CALM(!) ... stop your nonsense, roll on the floor, or on the ceiling, a-ROUND ...[1], and YOU(!) ... might panic, oh ...[2], and the beauty of No. 233? ... It's the beauty of any number![1], and I'm saying: NO! ... STAY CALM(!) ... stop your nonsense, roll on the floor, or on the ceiling, a-ROUND ...[2], and / COME ON IN! ... get fixed, man, forever, free of charge ... while stocks last, ha![1], and the beauty of No. 233? ... It's the beauty of any number![2], and I'll be your guru ... if you're lost and lonely[1], and / COME ON IN! ... get fixed, man, forever, free of charge ... while stocks last, ha![2], and / the confused and weak are very welcome / the more the merrier![1], and I'll be your guru ... if you're lost and lonely[2], and there's nothing new under the sun - or something ... Who said that?[1], and / the confused and weak are very welcome / the more the merrier![2], and maybe ... if we could only touch the sun ... / Oh, that would make all the difference! - ?[1], and there's nothing new under the sun - or something ... Who said that?[2], and I'm not getting my hopes up[1], and maybe ... if we could only touch the sun ... / Oh, that would make all the difference! - ?[2], and / what do YOU(!) actually want, man?![1], and I'm not getting my hopes up[2], and  ... a Telecaster? / Would I feel better?[1], and / what do YOU(!) actually want, man?![2], and you've got to have a dream! / My dream is to stay here forever ... DIZZY as a motherfucker[1], and  ... a Telecaster? / Would I feel better?[2], and here ... I am, NOW and forever ...[1], and you've got to have a dream! / My dream is to stay here forever ... DIZZY as a motherfucker[2], and this is the way you keep CONTROL / you get a-ROUND, one, two, three / it's so easy[3], and here ... I am, NOW and forever ...[2], and people lose their minds trying to change shit thinking they can feel different in the dirt[3], and there aren't any changes that can change anything ...[3], and YOU(!) ... might panic, oh ...[3], and I'm saying: NO! ... STAY CALM(!) ... stop your nonsense, roll on the floor, or on the ceiling, a-ROUND ...[3], and the beauty of No. 233? ... It's the beauty of any number![3], and / COME ON IN! ... get fixed, man, forever, free of charge ... while stocks last, ha![3], and I'll be your guru ... if you're lost and lonely[3], and / the confused and weak are very welcome / the more the merrier![3], and there's nothing new under the sun - or something ... Who said that?[3], and maybe ... if we could only touch the sun ... / Oh, that would make all the difference! - ?[3], and I'm not getting my hopes up[3], and / what do YOU(!) actually want, man?![3], and  ... a Telecaster? / Would I feel better?[3], and you've got to have a dream! / My dream is to stay here forever ... DIZZY as a motherfucker[3], and here ... I am, NOW and forever ...[3], and

And this is the way you keep CONTROL / you get a-ROUND, one, two, three / it's so easy[1], and people lose their minds trying to change shit thinking they can feel different in the dirt[1], and this is the way you keep CONTROL / you get a-ROUND, one, two, three / it's so easy[2], and there aren't any changes that can change anything ...[1], and people lose their minds trying to change shit thinking they can feel different in the dirt[2], and YOU(!) ... might panic, oh ...[1], and there aren't any changes that can change anything ...[2], and I'm saying: NO! ... STAY CALM(!) ... stop your nonsense, roll on the floor, or on the ceiling, a-ROUND ...[1], and YOU(!) ... might panic, oh ...[2], and the beauty of No. 233? ... It's the beauty of any number![1], and I'm saying: NO! ... STAY CALM(!) ... stop your nonsense, roll on the floor, or on the ceiling, a-ROUND ...[2], and / COME ON IN! ... get fixed, man, forever, free of charge ... while stocks last, ha![1], and the beauty of No. 233? ... It's the beauty of any number![2], and I'll be your guru ... if you're lost and lonely[1], and / COME ON IN! ... get fixed, man, forever, free of charge ... while stocks last, ha![2], and / the confused and weak are very welcome / the more the merrier![1], and I'll be your guru ... if you're lost and lonely[2], and there's nothing new under the sun - or something ... Who said that?[1], and / the confused and weak are very welcome / the more the merrier![2], and maybe ... if we could only touch the sun ... / Oh, that would make all the difference! - ?[1], and there's nothing new under the sun - or something ... Who said that?[2], and I'm not getting my hopes up[1], and maybe ... if we could only touch the sun ... / Oh, that would make all the difference! - ?[2], and / what do YOU(!) actually want, man?![1], and I'm not getting my hopes up[2], and  ... a Telecaster? / Would I feel better?[1], and / what do YOU(!) actually want, man?![2], and you've got to have a dream! / My dream is to stay here forever ... DIZZY as a motherfucker[1], and  ... a Telecaster? / Would I feel better?[2], and here ... I am, NOW and forever ...[1], and you've got to have a dream! / My dream is to stay here forever ... DIZZY as a motherfucker[2], and this is the way you keep CONTROL / you get a-ROUND, one, two, three / it's so easy[3], and here ... I am, NOW and forever ...[2], and people lose their minds trying to change shit thinking they can feel different in the dirt[3], and there aren't any changes that can change anything ...[3], and YOU(!) ... might panic, oh ...[3], and I'm saying: NO! ... STAY CALM(!) ... stop your nonsense, roll on the floor, or on the ceiling, a-ROUND ...[3], and the beauty of No. 233? ... It's the beauty of any number![3], and / COME ON IN! ... get fixed, man, forever, free of charge ... while stocks last, ha![3], and I'll be your guru ... if you're lost and lonely[3], and / the confused and weak are very welcome / the more the merrier![3], and there's nothing new under the sun - or something ... Who said that?[3], and maybe ... if we could only touch the sun ... / Oh, that would make all the difference! - ?[3], and I'm not getting my hopes up[3], and / what do YOU(!) actually want, man?![3], and  ... a Telecaster? / Would I feel better?[3], and you've got to have a dream! / My dream is to stay here forever ... DIZZY as a motherfucker[3], and here ... I am, NOW and forever ...[3], and