Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Kenneth Carver has to pay a £35,000 fine!

For insider dealing. / Bloody hell! He's a retired accountant! Why can't they leave him alone? He doesn't deserve this. He's a pensioner, for Christ's sake! / Oh, I'm talking about the FCA. Who else?!

"Carver, a retired accountant, purchased 62,000 shares in Logica Plc (Logica) on the basis of information Ryan Willmott, a family friend, provided to him. Mr Willmott held inside information relating to a potential takeover of Logica through his employment at the group." More, than is healthy.

Is there any reason why they can't call him Mr Carver? I just don't understand the youth of today, dear reader(s).

...

Yeah, I'm writing in the night again. / Uh, I'm not much interested in finance, to tell you the truth. What do you expect? Eight years, man and boy, blogging. Oh, this can't go on!

Music? Man, I'm listening to David Bowie. Hunky Dory. A wonderful album! Knowledge comes with death's release. Ah! Ah! Ah! And it's the way he sings it! Seriously insane, that guy. Well, he was. In the good old days ...

I made an interesting observation the other day, regarding our David. I was watching an old clip of him performing Young Americans on The Dick Cavett Show ... and it occurred to me that in the Seventies he often operated on the edge of his talent, meaning ... that he took risks and almost failed at times. His soul singing on this show wasn't great and his voice cracked towards the end. However, he still had the amazing confidence to do it, and the performance as a whole was successful. So, er ...

That's how you make progress!!! / I tried it earlier with my Telecaster, standing up, playing some wildly ambitious stuff. A lot of it was a mess, granted, but some of it was the best playing I've ever done. / The trick, I suppose, is to make it a habit. Neural pathways!

Of course, my dear reader(s), I don't suggest that you try this "on the edge" thing at work. I mean, trading or whatever. I don't want to be responsible for your ending up in prison.

Monday, 30 March 2015

Ralph Cox has left BlackRock!

Head of the UK small and mid-cap equity team? No, no, no! Those days are over, man. Oh, I like our Ralph. He's a financial shaman, too. Just like me, you know. / Sweet baby Jesus and the Mary Chain! Where does the time go, eh? It's been nearly five years since I said that Mr Cox should listen to the voices. 'And he has, boss!' Yes, Voice, he has! He's taken my advice. He has listened to the voices. And he's meditated on their wise words. 'And now?' Well, now(!) ... he knows that financial shamanism is all in the past, and that rock and roll shamanism is all in the future. 'So it is written, so shall it be done!' Er, yeah.

Anyway, dear reader(s), our Ralph is looking, or will be looking, quite soon, for ... an alternative career outside finance! 'Brilliant!' Why do you think he bought that Stratocaster the other week? (Ralph, mate, I saw you in Denmark Street.) A lovely sunburst one. The man has got good taste. 'Oh, you can say that again, Mikey! What?! Fender American Vintage 59 Stratocaster? Nice!' Very nice, man. / He'll be rockin' in the free world in next to no time.

...

Why am I writing tonight, my friend(s)? I want to be rockin' in the free world tomorrow, that's why. Music all day tomorrow! 'Er ... later today.' Whatever.

When was the last time I wrote at night? 'In the dark, listening to Eno's Apollo, and slightly melancholic?' Yeah. 'No idea, boss.' Never mind. It doesn't matter ...

I'm only slightly melancholic. I'm not depressed or nuthin'. It's actually quite enjoyable. I've been listening to Eno's Apollo for close to thirty years. Lovely memories!

[Ralph?! Ralph, I almost forgot about you, son. Good luck with the music! You can call me any time ...]

Yes, this is a great album. I never get tired of listening to it. Space probably does sound like this. 'It's unlikely.' I know it's unlikely, Voice. But I just imagine that it does. 'What? Even the space cow?' I'm sure there are cows in space. Eno knows his stuff.

...

Anything else? Politics? I hate politics! 'Me too! Join the club, Mikey.' However, Labour are four points ahead in the latest poll. ('Yippee!' Calm down!) Well, well ... eh? / The Conservatives have only got themselves to blame. They could have been civilized the last five years, and decent, honest, no longer the "nasty" slags. The way Cameron claimed they were going to be. But no! They had to carry on like evil cartoon characters. They don't realize that the future goes on forever ...

Thursday, 26 March 2015

Congratulations to Doug Gordon at Russell Investments!

Well done, son! / Dear reader(s), this cat, Doug Gordon, has just been promoted to senior portfolio manager. And you know what they say at Russell Investments, don't you? To achieve your goals, you need to do everything well. Well, obviously, our Doug has been doing everything well. / Well done, son! 'You're repeating yourself, boss.' So? 'What was Doug before.' Eh? 'What job did Doug do before?' Oh, er ... senior investment strategist.

I'm so pleased for him. Caspar, the friendly chief investment officer for multi-asset solutions, is pleased as well. Everyone's happy!

...

And it's the weekend! 'Thursday night?!' Yes, Voice, Thursday night, the start of the weekend. You got a problem with that? 'No.'

Bastard! / Don't bring me down, man. I'm looking forward to the pub tomorrow. The week I've had, I need a couple of pints ...

Oh, later(s), reader(s).

[No. 304] What is the point of Eric Evans?

It's just a question, man.

And it's NOTHING(!) personal ... ... ... but we need to know, don't we?[1], and one hedgie is very much like another ...[1], and it's NOTHING(!) personal ... ... ... but we need to know, don't we?[2], and ... / 'You couldn't be more personal, Mikey! Leave the poor man alone!'[1], and one hedgie is very much like another ...[2], and our Eric isn't poor[1], and ... / 'You couldn't be more personal, Mikey! Leave the poor man alone!'[2], and if we can solve this mystery ... there will be more mysteries later / oh, it never stops![1], and our Eric isn't poor[2], and here he is! / a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, like he was born to spin![1], and if we can solve this mystery ... there will be more mysteries later / oh, it never stops![2], and here we are! / ... ... ...[1], and here he is! / a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, like he was born to spin![2], and ... / 'You couldn't be more DIZZY, Mikey! ... / ... with tired eyes, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy ...'[1], and here we are! / ... ... ...[2], and ... / ... ... ...  yes! So sleepy![1], and ... / 'You couldn't be more DIZZY, Mikey! ... / ... with tired eyes, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy ...'[2], and if I let go, really lose my grip, will the THREE pass by, so gone, while I sleep forever?[1], and ... / ... ... ...  yes! So sleepy![2], and I could almost forget why I'm here ... and who(m) I'm supposed to be entertaining[1], and if I let go, really lose my grip, will the THREE pass by, so gone, while I sleep forever?[2], and our Eric would love to be forgotten by the lunatics of this world ...[1], and I could almost forget why I'm here ... and who(m) I'm supposed to be entertaining[2], and if there ever, ever, oh ever ... was a point, don't YOU(!) think ... don't you think, at all?[1], and our Eric would love to be forgotten by the lunatics of this world ...[2], and I try not to think ...[1], and if there ever, ever, oh ever ... was a point, don't YOU(!) think ... don't you think, at all?[2], and these people have to pay a price ... / ... and this is the price![1], and I try not to think ...[2], and it's NOTHING(!) personal ... ... ... but we need to know, don't we?[3], and these people have to pay a price ... / ... and this is the price![2], and one hedgie is very much like another ...[3], and ... / 'You couldn't be more personal, Mikey! Leave the poor man alone!'[3], and our Eric isn't poor[3], and if we can solve this mystery ... there will be more mysteries later / oh, it never stops![3], and here he is! / a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, like he was born to spin![3], and here we are! / ... ... ...[3], and ... / 'You couldn't be more DIZZY, Mikey! ... / ... with tired eyes, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy ...'[3], and ... / ... ... ...  yes! So sleepy![3], and if I let go, really lose my grip, will the THREE pass by, so gone, while I sleep forever?[3], and I could almost forget why I'm here ... and who(m) I'm supposed to be entertaining[3], and our Eric would love to be forgotten by the lunatics of this world ...[3], and if there ever, ever, oh ever ... was a point, don't YOU(!) think ... don't you think, at all?[3], and I try not to think ...[3], and these people have to pay a price ... / ... and this is the price![3], and

And it's NOTHING(!) personal ... ... ... but we need to know, don't we?[1], and one hedgie is very much like another ...[1], and it's NOTHING(!) personal ... ... ... but we need to know, don't we?[2], and ... / 'You couldn't be more personal, Mikey! Leave the poor man alone!'[1], and one hedgie is very much like another ...[2], and our Eric isn't poor[1], and ... / 'You couldn't be more personal, Mikey! Leave the poor man alone!'[2], and if we can solve this mystery ... there will be more mysteries later / oh, it never stops![1], and our Eric isn't poor[2], and here he is! / a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, like he was born to spin![1], and if we can solve this mystery ... there will be more mysteries later / oh, it never stops![2], and here we are! / ... ... ...[1], and here he is! / a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, like he was born to spin![2], and ... / 'You couldn't be more DIZZY, Mikey! ... / ... with tired eyes, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy ...'[1], and here we are! / ... ... ...[2], and ... / ... ... ...  yes! So sleepy![1], and ... / 'You couldn't be more DIZZY, Mikey! ... / ... with tired eyes, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy ...'[2], and if I let go, really lose my grip, will the THREE pass by, so gone, while I sleep forever?[1], and ... / ... ... ...  yes! So sleepy![2], and I could almost forget why I'm here ... and who(m) I'm supposed to be entertaining[1], and if I let go, really lose my grip, will the THREE pass by, so gone, while I sleep forever?[2], and our Eric would love to be forgotten by the lunatics of this world ...[1], and I could almost forget why I'm here ... and who(m) I'm supposed to be entertaining[2], and if there ever, ever, oh ever ... was a point, don't YOU(!) think ... don't you think, at all?[1], and our Eric would love to be forgotten by the lunatics of this world ...[2], and I try not to think ...[1], and if there ever, ever, oh ever ... was a point, don't YOU(!) think ... don't you think, at all?[2], and these people have to pay a price ... / ... and this is the price![1], and I try not to think ...[2], and it's NOTHING(!) personal ... ... ... but we need to know, don't we?[3], and these people have to pay a price ... / ... and this is the price![2], and one hedgie is very much like another ...[3], and ... / 'You couldn't be more personal, Mikey! Leave the poor man alone!'[3], and our Eric isn't poor[3], and if we can solve this mystery ... there will be more mysteries later / oh, it never stops![3], and here he is! / a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, like he was born to spin![3], and here we are! / ... ... ...[3], and ... / 'You couldn't be more DIZZY, Mikey! ... / ... with tired eyes, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy ...'[3], and ... / ... ... ...  yes! So sleepy![3], and if I let go, really lose my grip, will the THREE pass by, so gone, while I sleep forever?[3], and I could almost forget why I'm here ... and who(m) I'm supposed to be entertaining[3], and our Eric would love to be forgotten by the lunatics of this world ...[3], and if there ever, ever, oh ever ... was a point, don't YOU(!) think ... don't you think, at all?[3], and I try not to think ...[3], and these people have to pay a price ... / ... and this is the price![3], and

And it's NOTHING(!) personal ... ... ... but we need to know, don't we?[1], and one hedgie is very much like another ...[1], and it's NOTHING(!) personal ... ... ... but we need to know, don't we?[2], and ... / 'You couldn't be more personal, Mikey! Leave the poor man alone!'[1], and one hedgie is very much like another ...[2], and our Eric isn't poor[1], and ... / 'You couldn't be more personal, Mikey! Leave the poor man alone!'[2], and if we can solve this mystery ... there will be more mysteries later / oh, it never stops![1], and our Eric isn't poor[2], and here he is! / a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, like he was born to spin![1], and if we can solve this mystery ... there will be more mysteries later / oh, it never stops![2], and here we are! / ... ... ...[1], and here he is! / a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, like he was born to spin![2], and ... / 'You couldn't be more DIZZY, Mikey! ... / ... with tired eyes, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy ...'[1], and here we are! / ... ... ...[2], and ... / ... ... ...  yes! So sleepy![1], and ... / 'You couldn't be more DIZZY, Mikey! ... / ... with tired eyes, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy ...'[2], and if I let go, really lose my grip, will the THREE pass by, so gone, while I sleep forever?[1], and ... / ... ... ...  yes! So sleepy![2], and I could almost forget why I'm here ... and who(m) I'm supposed to be entertaining[1], and if I let go, really lose my grip, will the THREE pass by, so gone, while I sleep forever?[2], and our Eric would love to be forgotten by the lunatics of this world ...[1], and I could almost forget why I'm here ... and who(m) I'm supposed to be entertaining[2], and if there ever, ever, oh ever ... was a point, don't YOU(!) think ... don't you think, at all?[1], and our Eric would love to be forgotten by the lunatics of this world ...[2], and I try not to think ...[1], and if there ever, ever, oh ever ... was a point, don't YOU(!) think ... don't you think, at all?[2], and these people have to pay a price ... / ... and this is the price![1], and I try not to think ...[2], and it's NOTHING(!) personal ... ... ... but we need to know, don't we?[3], and these people have to pay a price ... / ... and this is the price![2], and one hedgie is very much like another ...[3], and ... / 'You couldn't be more personal, Mikey! Leave the poor man alone!'[3], and our Eric isn't poor[3], and if we can solve this mystery ... there will be more mysteries later / oh, it never stops![3], and here he is! / a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, like he was born to spin![3], and here we are! / ... ... ...[3], and ... / 'You couldn't be more DIZZY, Mikey! ... / ... with tired eyes, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy ...'[3], and ... / ... ... ...  yes! So sleepy![3], and if I let go, really lose my grip, will the THREE pass by, so gone, while I sleep forever?[3], and I could almost forget why I'm here ... and who(m) I'm supposed to be entertaining[3], and our Eric would love to be forgotten by the lunatics of this world ...[3], and if there ever, ever, oh ever ... was a point, don't YOU(!) think ... don't you think, at all?[3], and I try not to think ...[3], and these people have to pay a price ... / ... and this is the price![3], and

Eric Evans and ... / Orchard View Capital Advisors!

What's this? You're wondering, dear reader(s). 'What's this?' Not you. Them. 'Oh.' Have a guess! 'Me?' Okay. All right. Go on. 'Er ... a new hedge fund.' Well done. 'Do I win a prize?' Yeah, you keep your job, for another day.

[Oh, I've got Iggy and the Stooges on, Raw Power. I only got four hours sleep last night and I want what Paul Trynka calls their "moronic inferno".]

Eric Evans? He doesn't seem to have a LinkedIn profile, which means I know absolutely NOTHING about him. Fine! If that's the way he wants it, that's the way he gets it. Some hedge fund managers you just can't reach. It's a failure to communicate.

'SAC Capital, boss?' What? 'Our Eric used to work at SAC Capital, health-care shit.' So what? 'It's information for your readers, man.' Thanks, man. I'm sure they appreciate it.

This Orchard View thing is in New York. I don't know if it has actually launched yet. You know how these things are. I mean, good things take time ... as I know from bitter experience.

After lunch, I'll be taking Eric Evans for a spin, No. 304. What's the point? You're wondering. 'Ha!' Give me a break, reader(s). I have to fill my days somehow. What do you do? You make money with your cockamamie funds. I get a-ROUND. So sue me!

[Your Pretty Face Is Going To Hell. One of the greatest song titles ever!]

...

Well, well ... / As one hedge fund closes another one opens ... It's the way of the world, my friend(s). It's perfectly natural. We shouldn't fear it.

No, it doesn't bother me. I live in chaos. And I'm happy to keep a record of the nonsense.

There must be some reason. Not that I need a reason.

Wednesday, 25 March 2015

[No. 303] Who says the space people have got no eyes?

Not me!

And, well, well, yes ... / uh, questions may be hunchbacks to the poker marrow BUT(!!!) ...[1], and ... ... ... / ... ... ... it deserves an answer[1], and, well, well, yes ... / uh, questions may be hunchbacks to the poker marrow BUT(!!!) ...[2], and ... What do YOU(!) say?[1], and ... ... ... / ... ... ... it deserves an answer[2], and I guess the SPACE PEOPLE are watching us through our TV sets / Are you cool with that, man?![1], and ... What do YOU(!) say?[2], and I need a cat to lay down some rock 'n' roll ... oh, to calm my nerves a bit ... / Hazy cosmic jive![1], and I guess the SPACE PEOPLE are watching us through our TV sets / Are you cool with that, man?![2], and if you want to feel safe, my friend(s) ... well, maybe you should spend all of your time a-ROUND here[1], and I need a cat to lay down some rock 'n' roll ... oh, to calm my nerves a bit ... / Hazy cosmic jive![2], and getting DIZZY(!) sure beats working for a living! / YOU(!) don't need no funds!!![1], and if you want to feel safe, my friend(s) ... well, maybe you should spend all of your time a-ROUND here[2], and knowledge comes with death's release / ah, ah, ah ...[1], and getting DIZZY(!) sure beats working for a living! / YOU(!) don't need no funds!!![2], and my baby is lost, so GONE! / in the TV? - ??? / maybe my baby is beyond the THREE![1], and knowledge comes with death's release / ah, ah, ah ...[2],
and the world has some very sick people in it[1], and my baby is lost, so GONE! / in the TV? - ??? / maybe my baby is beyond the THREE![2], and real cool spinners / we are so turned on! / and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ...[1], and the world has some very sick people in it[2], and ... side effects?[1], and real cool spinners / we are so turned on! / and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ...[2], and the SPACE PEOPLE are after us! / So, let's go, oh, let's go, son, let's go go[1], and ... side effects?[2], and if they want us ... well, love is a funny thing[1], and the SPACE PEOPLE are after us! / So, let's go, oh, let's go, son, let's go go[2], and don't get me wrong, she turns me on, but ... JOHN, I'M ONLY SPINNING a-ROUND[1], and if they want us ... well, love is a funny thing[2], and I don't know who says anything / Voices come and voices go ...[1], and don't get me wrong, she turns me on, but ... JOHN, I'M ONLY SPINNING a-ROUND[2], and, well, well, yes ... / uh, questions may be hunchbacks to the poker marrow BUT(!!!) ...[3], and I don't know who says anything / Voices come and voices go ...[2], and ... ... ... / ... ... ... it deserves an answer[3], and ... What do YOU(!) say?[3], and I guess the SPACE PEOPLE are watching us through our TV sets / Are you cool with that, man?![3], and I need a cat to lay down some rock 'n' roll ... oh, to calm my nerves a bit ... / Hazy cosmic jive![3], and if you want to feel safe, my friend(s) ... well, maybe you should spend all of your time a-ROUND here[3], and getting DIZZY(!) sure beats working for a living! / YOU(!) don't need no funds!!![3], and knowledge comes with death's release / ah, ah, ah ...[3], and my baby is lost, so GONE! / in the TV? - ??? / maybe my baby is beyond the THREE![3], and the world has some very sick people in it[3], and real cool spinners / we are so turned on! / and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ...[3], and ... side effects?[3], and the SPACE PEOPLE are after us! / So, let's go, oh, let's go, son, let's go go[3], and if they want us ... well, love is a funny thing[3], and don't get me wrong, she turns me on, but ... JOHN, I'M ONLY SPINNING a-ROUND[3], and I don't know who says anything / Voices come and voices go ...[3], and

And, well, well, yes ... / uh, questions may be hunchbacks to the poker marrow BUT(!!!) ...[1], and ... ... ... / ... ... ... it deserves an answer[1], and, well, well, yes ... / uh, questions may be hunchbacks to the poker marrow BUT(!!!) ...[2], and ... What do YOU(!) say?[1], and ... ... ... / ... ... ... it deserves an answer[2], and I guess the SPACE PEOPLE are watching us through our TV sets / Are you cool with that, man?![1], and ... What do YOU(!) say?[2], and I need a cat to lay down some rock 'n' roll ... oh, to calm my nerves a bit ... / Hazy cosmic jive![1], and I guess the SPACE PEOPLE are watching us through our TV sets / Are you cool with that, man?![2], and if you want to feel safe, my friend(s) ... well, maybe you should spend all of your time a-ROUND here[1], and I need a cat to lay down some rock 'n' roll ... oh, to calm my nerves a bit ... / Hazy cosmic jive![2], and getting DIZZY(!) sure beats working for a living! / YOU(!) don't need no funds!!![1], and if you want to feel safe, my friend(s) ... well, maybe you should spend all of your time a-ROUND here[2], and knowledge comes with death's release / ah, ah, ah ...[1], and getting DIZZY(!) sure beats working for a living! / YOU(!) don't need no funds!!![2], and my baby is lost, so GONE! / in the TV? - ??? / maybe my baby is beyond the THREE![1], and knowledge comes with death's release / ah, ah, ah ...[2], and the world has some very sick people in it[1], and my baby is lost, so GONE! / in the TV? - ??? / maybe my baby is beyond the THREE![2], and real cool spinners / we are so turned on! / and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ...[1], and the world has some very sick people in it[2], and ... side effects?[1], and real cool spinners / we are so turned on! / and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ...[2], and the SPACE PEOPLE are after us! / So, let's go, oh, let's go, son, let's go go[1], and ... side effects?[2], and if they want us ... well, love is a funny thing[1], and the SPACE PEOPLE are after us! / So, let's go, oh, let's go, son, let's go go[2], and don't get me wrong, she turns me on, but ... JOHN, I'M ONLY SPINNING a-ROUND[1], and if they want us ... well, love is a funny thing[2], and I don't know who says anything / Voices come and voices go ...[1], and don't get me wrong, she turns me on, but ... JOHN, I'M ONLY SPINNING a-ROUND[2], and, well, well, yes ... / uh, questions may be hunchbacks to the poker marrow BUT(!!!) ...[3], and I don't know who says anything / Voices come and voices go ...[2], and ... ... ... / ... ... ... it deserves an answer[3], and ... What do YOU(!) say?[3], and I guess the SPACE PEOPLE are watching us through our TV sets / Are you cool with that, man?![3], and I need a cat to lay down some rock 'n' roll ... oh, to calm my nerves a bit ... / Hazy cosmic jive![3], and if you want to feel safe, my friend(s) ... well, maybe you should spend all of your time a-ROUND here[3], and getting DIZZY(!) sure beats working for a living! / YOU(!) don't need no funds!!![3], and knowledge comes with death's release / ah, ah, ah ...[3], and my baby is lost, so GONE! / in the TV? - ??? / maybe my baby is beyond the THREE![3], and the world has some very sick people in it[3], and real cool spinners / we are so turned on! / and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ...[3], and ... side effects?[3], and the SPACE PEOPLE are after us! / So, let's go, oh, let's go, son, let's go go[3], and if they want us ... well, love is a funny thing[3], and don't get me wrong, she turns me on, but ... JOHN, I'M ONLY SPINNING a-ROUND[3], and I don't know who says anything / Voices come and voices go ...[3], and

And, well, well, yes ... / uh, questions may be hunchbacks to the poker marrow BUT(!!!) ...[1], and ... ... ... / ... ... ... it deserves an answer[1], and, well, well, yes ... / uh, questions may be hunchbacks to the poker marrow BUT(!!!) ...[2], and ... What do YOU(!) say?[1], and ... ... ... / ... ... ... it deserves an answer[2], and I guess the SPACE PEOPLE are watching us through our TV sets / Are you cool with that, man?![1], and ... What do YOU(!) say?[2], and I need a cat to lay down some rock 'n' roll ... oh, to calm my nerves a bit ... / Hazy cosmic jive![1], and I guess the SPACE PEOPLE are watching us through our TV sets / Are you cool with that, man?![2], and if you want to feel safe, my friend(s) ... well, maybe you should spend all of your time a-ROUND here[1], and I need a cat to lay down some rock 'n' roll ... oh, to calm my nerves a bit ... / Hazy cosmic jive![2], and getting DIZZY(!) sure beats working for a living! / YOU(!) don't need no funds!!![1], and if you want to feel safe, my friend(s) ... well, maybe you should spend all of your time a-ROUND here[2], and knowledge comes with death's release / ah, ah, ah ...[1], and getting DIZZY(!) sure beats working for a living! / YOU(!) don't need no funds!!![2], and my baby is lost, so GONE! / in the TV? - ??? / maybe my baby is beyond the THREE![1], and knowledge comes with death's release / ah, ah, ah ...[2], and the world has some very sick people in it[1], and my baby is lost, so GONE! / in the TV? - ??? / maybe my baby is beyond the THREE![2], and real cool spinners / we are so turned on! / and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ...[1], and the world has some very sick people in it[2], and ... side effects?[1], and real cool spinners / we are so turned on! / and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ...[2], and the SPACE PEOPLE are after us! / So, let's go, oh, let's go, son, let's go go[1], and ... side effects?[2], and if they want us ... well, love is a funny thing[1], and the SPACE PEOPLE are after us! / So, let's go, oh, let's go, son, let's go go[2], and don't get me wrong, she turns me on, but ... JOHN, I'M ONLY SPINNING a-ROUND[1], and if they want us ... well, love is a funny thing[2], and I don't know who says anything / Voices come and voices go ...[1], and don't get me wrong, she turns me on, but ... JOHN, I'M ONLY SPINNING a-ROUND[2], and, well, well, yes ... / uh, questions may be hunchbacks to the poker marrow BUT(!!!) ...[3], and I don't know who says anything / Voices come and voices go ...[2], and ... ... ... / ... ... ... it deserves an answer[3], and ... What do YOU(!) say?[3], and I guess the SPACE PEOPLE are watching us through our TV sets / Are you cool with that, man?![3], and I need a cat to lay down some rock 'n' roll ... oh, to calm my nerves a bit ... / Hazy cosmic jive![3], and if you want to feel safe, my friend(s) ... well, maybe you should spend all of your time a-ROUND here[3], and getting DIZZY(!) sure beats working for a living! / YOU(!) don't need no funds!!![3], and knowledge comes with death's release / ah, ah, ah ...[3], and my baby is lost, so GONE! / in the TV? - ??? / maybe my baby is beyond the THREE![3], and the world has some very sick people in it[3], and real cool spinners / we are so turned on! / and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ...[3], and ... side effects?[3], and the SPACE PEOPLE are after us! / So, let's go, oh, let's go, son, let's go go[3], and if they want us ... well, love is a funny thing[3], and don't get me wrong, she turns me on, but ... JOHN, I'M ONLY SPINNING a-ROUND[3], and I don't know who says anything / Voices come and voices go ...[3], and

TigerShark Management is closing

I'm not much in the mood for finance today. But I may as well mention this story. Yes, another hedge fund is closing. TigerShark Management. 'Damn! What's the problem, boss?' Oh, Voice, bull market problems, I suppose. I don't know. Shorting is out of fashion. / I guess it's bad for the founders, Tom Facciola and Michael Sears, but they'll survive. They've got money.

It's not the end of the world ... / As I keep saying, dear reader(s), there is more to life than working in a bank or hedge fund. Enjoy yourself! It's later than you think.

...

Music? I'm listening to David Bowie today. I've just played Young Americans. 'What next?' Station to Station. / I've been reading Paul Trynka's biography again. (I've read a lot of Bowie biographies, but this is the best one.) Some great stuff in it. 'Like ... Who says the space people have got no eyes? ... Mikey?' Yes, Voice. Also, Slash from Guns N' Roses used to go round Bowie's house in LA when he was only nine years old. Bowie was the thin white duke at the time. 'Amazing!' Yeah. Or maybe it was just before that ... 1975/1976, that period, anyway.

The book is keeping me motivated, dear reader(s). / I was depressed Monday and Tuesday, so didn't even try to record my songs. 'Bloody hell!' I'll try again this Sunday. I've got to control my emotional states, man, or I'll never get anywhere. / I'm torn, confused. I might be better off as a rock star, you know, rather than ... just live the quiet life of a songwriter, you dig? I mean, what is best? The thing that strikes me about Bowie is his ability to escape "normal" life. That may not be true these days, now that he's settled and happy. However, it was certainly true in the Seventies, when he was coked out of his mind and scouring the night skies for UFOs.

Guitar? Guitar?! 'Is there an echo in here?' I'm well pleased with my progress, man. (Oh, something positive in the gloom!) My lead stuff still isn't very melodic, but I can play as smoothly as Clapton ... maybe. And rhythm? Oh, I play my songs perfectly every time. I've just got to record them ...

Tuesday, 24 March 2015

Emrah Kagitcibasi?!

No one knows who he is. No one has ever met him. He may not even exist, except in nightmares. 'That can't be right. Who is he, boss, really?' Just Emrah Kagitcibasi, Voice. Just a name. 'No LinkedIn profile?' Not as far as I know.

But here's the news: Pictet Asset Management has appointed Emrah Kagitcibasi as a senior investment specialist for its emerging market debt team in London. 'Oh dear.' Yeah, he'll be arriving from New York soon. 'If he's not here already ...'

Emrah Kagitcibasi could be here already, dear reader(s)!

...

Oh God! / He is supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody believed he was real. Nobody ever saw him or knew anybody that ever worked directly with him, but to hear Simon Lue-Fong tell it, anybody could have worked with Kagitcibasi. You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. One story the guys told me - the story I believe - was from his days in Turkey. He realized that to be in power you didn't need funds or money or even numbers. You just needed the will to do what the other guy wouldn't. There was a petty gang of Hungarians that wanted their own asset management firm. After a while they come to power, and they come after Kagitcibasi. (He was small-time then, just an auditor, they say.) They come to his office in the afternoon, looking for his business. They find various office workers, you know, support staff, and decide to wait for Kagitcibasi. He returns from lunch to find the post boy screaming. The Hungarians knew Kagitcibasi was tough. Not to be trifled with. So they let him know they meant business. They tell Kagitcibasi they want his territory - all his finance stuff. Kagitcibasi looks over the face of the post boy ... Then he showed these men a will, of what will really was. He tells them he would rather see the post boy dead than live another day after this. ('Oh, lovely for the post boy, Mikey!' Yeah.) Well, anyway, he ... "deals" with the Hungarians, but he lets one go. He waits until the post boy is in the ground and then he goes after the rest of the mob. He takes their money, he closes their funds, he burns down their offices, he beats up their investors. ('Unbelievable, boss!' Yeah.) And like that, he was gone! Underground. No one has seen him since. He becomes a myth, a spook story that traders and fund managers tell their kids at night. If you rat on your pop to the FCA or the SEC, Emrah Kagitcibasi will get you. And nobody really ever believes.

'And now he's in London!' Probably ...

Monday, 23 March 2015

"Finance workers aren't bad apples"

That's not me saying that. 'And it's not me!' It's Gerry Grimstone. / Well, I suppose we have to take his word for it. Politicians are the bad apples. Finance workers just get caught up in the making of money. It makes them go crazy. They are pretty innocent people. They don't know what they're doing, most of them. Politicians though, go out of their way to get involved in all the evil of the world. 'Believe it, baby!' There ain't one politician going to heaven.

Finance workers have a chance to repent ... / My advice is ... make a bit of money, dear reader(s), enough to set you up, and then get out, man! Don't be greedy. There are other things you can do.

Hell is real, my friend(s). Oh yes, I know. I have spiritual connections. 'Big time.' / Oh, please listen to me, man, don't donate any of your money to the Conservatives this election. That would be asking for trouble. You see, Satan is watching. 'He has eyes everywhere!' He's taking notes, yeah? He's looking for vulnerable souls. Don't paint a target on your back.

And, er ... Gerry Grimstone? This cat is the chairman of Standard life, apparently. He has 351 connections on LinkedIn. 'Christ! Only 351?! Could do better, boss.' Could he? Maybe. I don't know, Voice. It might not even be a real profile. I don't trust anything I read on the internet ... too many degenerates around.

...

Anything else? Well, there's music, man. I'm listening to ... (uh, hang on a minute, need to put something on) ... Biggie, Ready to Die. I've never been all that keen on him, but I watched the Notorious film on TV last night, about his life. It was all right. What amused me is that the actor playing him reminded me of Peter Kay as his Max character (from Phoenix Nights and Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere). A black version. Maybe I'm just crazy ...

[Biggie is rapping about Timbs. I used to have a pair, which I really miss. You need them where I live. You get respect, and no one fucks with you, you dig?]

Er ... / My music? I'm going to have a go at recording again this week. I feel up for it. My demo. Yeah, I'm all enthusiastic and shit. / My guitar playing went up a level recently. It's a strange thing. You can play every day for months without making any progress. Then suddenly, overnight, you can start playing better. It's like there's a delay or something. 'A dam bursting, son!' What? 'A build up of skill, Mikey, that bursts like a dam.' Yeah, whatever.

Thursday, 19 March 2015

Julian Rifat gets nineteen months for insider trading

Christ! It's taken enough time, hasn't it? When was he arrested? 'Oh, years ago!' Four years ago. If he had gone to prison then, he would have been out for over two years now and might have rebuilt his life.

Of course, he won't be able to work in finance again. Never mind. He's well out of it. Come on, dear reader(s), be honest, finance is a mug's game. Yeah, it's nice money, but all the hassles, the long hours, the way it affects your health ... IS IT WORTH IT? NO!!!

REPENT! Repent! REPENT! Find God ... like Stephen Green, the HSBC guy. I mean, he preaches in church, for Christ's sake! The man is real serious. REPENT!

...

Ah, that's enough. End of the week. What a relief!

Oh, I've been thinking about the Budget again. Boy, I hate politicians. I really hate them. They don't see the country as a unified whole, you know? All the people together. No. They only think of their mates, their class, their fucking country club, whatever. VAMPIRES! They're just vampires, my friend(s).

Journalists? Ha! There are a handful of journalists who are doing what they are supposed to be doing ... Let's leave it at that.

I can't even go to the pub tomorrow because I'm waiting for something to be delivered.

Oh, see you next week, man.

[No. 302] I'm sick of the 1 per cent!

They're ruining EVERYTHING for EVERYONE!

And I tell YOU(!), man ... it's time for a REVOLUTION! / so, er, er ... yeah, let's get a-ROUND![1], and I'm sick, sick, so sick ... oh, I guess you know that, not exactly a shock, eh? / Well, well ...[1], and I tell YOU(!), man ... it's time for a REVOLUTION! / so, er, er ... yeah, let's get a-ROUND![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... but is it enough for YOU(!)? / COME ON!!! / !!![1], and I'm sick, sick, so sick ... oh, I guess you know that, not exactly a shock, eh? / Well, well ...[2], and pretty soon we'll all be in the GUTTER wondering what the hell happened[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... but is it enough for YOU(!)? / COME ON!!! / !!![2], and I get a-ROUND ... / oh yes![1], and pretty soon we'll all be in the GUTTER wondering what the hell happened[2], and is this ... the life you wanted? / did you dream of being DIZZY with the 1 per cent monsters laughing at you?[1], and I get a-ROUND ... / oh yes![2], and down in the soup kitchen is where all the action is these days / crazy cats at the end of civilization[1], and is this ... the life you wanted? / did you dream of being DIZZY with the 1 per cent monsters laughing at you?[2], and selling matches? I might have to[1], and down in the soup kitchen is where all the action is these days / crazy cats at the end of civilization[2], and I would cry, and I would bang my fists, about the ... situation - but no one cares, son (daughter)[1], and selling matches? I might have to[2], and ain't no human being gonna help / oh, we're gonna need a god for the job ... 'Ha! Good luck, Mikey!'[1], and I would cry, and I would bang my fists, about the ... situation - but no one cares, son (daughter)[2], and ... / No, there is NO HUMAN SOLUTION[1], and ain't no human being gonna help / oh, we're gonna need a god for the job ... 'Ha! Good luck, Mikey!'[2], and all I know is ... if you want to forget, then this is the place to be / I can't offer you more than that[1], and ... / No, there is NO HUMAN SOLUTION[2], and I tell YOU(!), man ... it's time for a REVOLUTION! / so, er, er ... yeah, let's get a-ROUND![3], and all I know is ... if you want to forget, then this is the place to be / I can't offer you more than that[2], and I'm sick, sick, so sick ... oh, I guess you know that, not exactly a shock, eh? / Well, well ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... but is it enough for YOU(!)? / COME ON!!! / !!![3], and pretty soon we'll all be in the GUTTER wondering what the hell happened[3], and I get a-ROUND ... / oh yes![3], and is this ... the life you wanted? / did you dream of being DIZZY with the 1 per cent monsters laughing at you?[3], and down in the soup kitchen is where all the action is these days / crazy cats at the end of civilization[3], and selling matches? I might have to[3], and I would cry, and I would bang my fists, about the ... situation - but no one cares, son (daughter)[3], and ain't no human being gonna help / oh, we're gonna need a god for the job ... 'Ha! Good luck, Mikey!'[3], and ... / No, there is NO HUMAN SOLUTION[3], and all I know is ... if you want to forget, then this is the place to be / I can't offer you more than that[3], and

And I tell YOU(!), man ... it's time for a REVOLUTION! / so, er, er ... yeah, let's get a-ROUND![1], and I'm sick, sick, so sick ... oh, I guess you know that, not exactly a shock, eh? / Well, well ...[1], and I tell YOU(!), man ... it's time for a REVOLUTION! / so, er, er ... yeah, let's get a-ROUND![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... but is it enough for YOU(!)? / COME ON!!! / !!![1], and I'm sick, sick, so sick ... oh, I guess you know that, not exactly a shock, eh? / Well, well ...[2], and pretty soon we'll all be in the GUTTER wondering what the hell happened[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... but is it enough for YOU(!)? / COME ON!!! / !!![2], and I get a-ROUND ... / oh yes![1], and pretty soon we'll all be in the GUTTER wondering what the hell happened[2], and is this ... the life you wanted? / did you dream of being DIZZY with the 1 per cent monsters laughing at you?[1], and I get a-ROUND ... / oh yes![2], and down in the soup kitchen is where all the action is these days / crazy cats at the end of civilization[1], and is this ... the life you wanted? / did you dream of being DIZZY with the 1 per cent monsters laughing at you?[2], and selling matches? I might have to[1], and down in the soup kitchen is where all the action is these days / crazy cats at the end of civilization[2], and I would cry, and I would bang my fists, about the ... situation - but no one cares, son (daughter)[1], and selling matches? I might have to[2], and ain't no human being gonna help / oh, we're gonna need a god for the job ... 'Ha! Good luck, Mikey!'[1], and I would cry, and I would bang my fists, about the ... situation - but no one cares, son (daughter)[2], and ... / No, there is NO HUMAN SOLUTION[1], and ain't no human being gonna help / oh, we're gonna need a god for the job ... 'Ha! Good luck, Mikey!'[2], and all I know is ... if you want to forget, then this is the place to be / I can't offer you more than that[1], and ... / No, there is NO HUMAN SOLUTION[2], and I tell YOU(!), man ... it's time for a REVOLUTION! / so, er, er ... yeah, let's get a-ROUND![3], and all I know is ... if you want to forget, then this is the place to be / I can't offer you more than that[2], and I'm sick, sick, so sick ... oh, I guess you know that, not exactly a shock, eh? / Well, well ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... but is it enough for YOU(!)? / COME ON!!! / !!![3], and pretty soon we'll all be in the GUTTER wondering what the hell happened[3], and I get a-ROUND ... / oh yes![3], and is this ... the life you wanted? / did you dream of being DIZZY with the 1 per cent monsters laughing at you?[3], and down in the soup kitchen is where all the action is these days / crazy cats at the end of civilization[3], and selling matches? I might have to[3], and I would cry, and I would bang my fists, about the ... situation - but no one cares, son (daughter)[3], and ain't no human being gonna help / oh, we're gonna need a god for the job ... 'Ha! Good luck, Mikey!'[3], and ... / No, there is NO HUMAN SOLUTION[3], and all I know is ... if you want to forget, then this is the place to be / I can't offer you more than that[3], and

And I tell YOU(!), man ... it's time for a REVOLUTION! / so, er, er ... yeah, let's get a-ROUND![1], and I'm sick, sick, so sick ... oh, I guess you know that, not exactly a shock, eh? / Well, well ...[1], and I tell YOU(!), man ... it's time for a REVOLUTION! / so, er, er ... yeah, let's get a-ROUND![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... but is it enough for YOU(!)? / COME ON!!! / !!![1], and I'm sick, sick, so sick ... oh, I guess you know that, not exactly a shock, eh? / Well, well ...[2], and pretty soon we'll all be in the GUTTER wondering what the hell happened[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... but is it enough for YOU(!)? / COME ON!!! / !!![2], and I get a-ROUND ... / oh yes![1], and pretty soon we'll all be in the GUTTER wondering what the hell happened[2], and is this ... the life you wanted? / did you dream of being DIZZY with the 1 per cent monsters laughing at you?[1], and I get a-ROUND ... / oh yes![2], and down in the soup kitchen is where all the action is these days / crazy cats at the end of civilization[1], and is this ... the life you wanted? / did you dream of being DIZZY with the 1 per cent monsters laughing at you?[2], and selling matches? I might have to[1], and down in the soup kitchen is where all the action is these days / crazy cats at the end of civilization[2], and I would cry, and I would bang my fists, about the ... situation - but no one cares, son (daughter)[1], and selling matches? I might have to[2], and ain't no human being gonna help / oh, we're gonna need a god for the job ... 'Ha! Good luck, Mikey!'[1], and I would cry, and I would bang my fists, about the ... situation - but no one cares, son (daughter)[2], and ... / No, there is NO HUMAN SOLUTION[1], and ain't no human being gonna help / oh, we're gonna need a god for the job ... 'Ha! Good luck, Mikey!'[2], and all I know is ... if you want to forget, then this is the place to be / I can't offer you more than that[1], and ... / No, there is NO HUMAN SOLUTION[2], and I tell YOU(!), man ... it's time for a REVOLUTION! / so, er, er ... yeah, let's get a-ROUND![3], and all I know is ... if you want to forget, then this is the place to be / I can't offer you more than that[2], and I'm sick, sick, so sick ... oh, I guess you know that, not exactly a shock, eh? / Well, well ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... but is it enough for YOU(!)? / COME ON!!! / !!![3], and pretty soon we'll all be in the GUTTER wondering what the hell happened[3], and I get a-ROUND ... / oh yes![3], and is this ... the life you wanted? / did you dream of being DIZZY with the 1 per cent monsters laughing at you?[3], and down in the soup kitchen is where all the action is these days / crazy cats at the end of civilization[3], and selling matches? I might have to[3], and I would cry, and I would bang my fists, about the ... situation - but no one cares, son (daughter)[3], and ain't no human being gonna help / oh, we're gonna need a god for the job ... 'Ha! Good luck, Mikey!'[3], and ... / No, there is NO HUMAN SOLUTION[3], and all I know is ... if you want to forget, then this is the place to be / I can't offer you more than that[3], and

Budget 2015: You only need to know one thing!

Money will continue to flow from the bottom 99 per cent of society to the top 1 per cent. And that's no way to run a country or a world, my friend(s). Because it just ain't fair, man! Or sensible. It will lead to collapse, the destruction of capitalism, and revolution. None of us want to see that. We're all reasonable people, aren't we? / I probably won't vote at the general election, but I'm thinking now that a Labour/SNP coalition will be the best result. Labour by themselves will just continue with the Tory nonsense of wealth distribution from the poorest to the richest. No, we need the SNP to get involved! / Not that I care. I don't even want to think about politics, son (daughter). Christ. I swear, if it wasn't for my music, I would probably go insane.

...

Anything else? You betcha!

Film review? Why not?! The Color of Money. I bought the DVD the other day. Yeah, it's a good film. (Another Tom Cruise film. So sue me!) I like Paul Newman's character, "Fast" Eddie Felson. The guy's been out of the pool game for twenty-five years (like me, with my music) but he gets the hunger again, you dig? By the end of the film, you get the feeling he's going to be the top dog, better even than Vincent. Vincent? Vince? That's the Tom Cruise character. He's only interested in money. "Fast" Eddie Felson likes the money, too. Oh yes! However, his real passion is ... glory!

Yeah, man, it's a great film. A sequel that is better than the original! That has only happened one other time(?), with The Godfather (Part II).

...

Well, well ... / Music? I'm listening to ... You know, I think this will become a music blog eventually. It's the way things are going, dear reader(s). 'Not a film review blog, Mikey?' Shut it, you slag!

Er ... yeah, I'm listening to NOTHING(!) yet. What time is it? We've got plenty of time!

My music?! Well, I was playing my Tele for a bit yesterday, with the new strap, standing up. Uh, it was pretty hit and miss, my playing. But I had moments, man, I had moments ... two minutes or so ... where it was like Hendrix at Woodstock. Seriously! God knows what the neighbours were thinking. 'Payback for all their noise, boss!' / The trick is ... to forget yourself, and forget your guitar. Er, the way Tom Cruise learned to forget himself and his sword in The Last Samurai. / Fight? Let's rock!

Wednesday, 18 March 2015

[No. 301] No one needs to know anything about Stuart Riley

You got an imagination, ain't ya? Use it!

And STUART RILEY?! / What can I say, man? / I guess Chris knows a thing or two ...[1], and ROKOS, of course / CHRIS ROKOS[1], and STUART RILEY?! / What can I say, man? / I guess Chris knows a thing or two ...[2], and that's the beauty of finance ... one banker/hedgie is very much like another[1], and ROKOS, of course / CHRIS ROKOS[2], and a-ROUND here ... it's all the same to us, ain't it? / So, so ... get a-ROUND![1], and that's the beauty of finance ... one banker/hedgie is very much like another[2], and all you gotta do, if you're really enthusiastic, my friend(s), is imagine a man who leaves Goldman for a hedge fund[1], and a-ROUND here ... it's all the same to us, ain't it? / So, so ... get a-ROUND![2], and I see the men and women of MONEY in my dreams / and my doctor says there is NOTHING he can do for me[1], and all you gotta do, if you're really enthusiastic, my friend(s), is imagine a man who leaves Goldman for a hedge fund[2], and oh(!) ... it's a hedge fund without a name / and it's pretty common these days, pie in the sky?[1], and I see the men and women of MONEY in my dreams / and my doctor says there is NOTHING he can do for me[2], and ... there is no need to get depressed about it[1], and oh(!) ... it's a hedge fund without a name / and it's pretty common these days, pie in the sky?[2], and even the funds with names can be like smoke in the air or foam in water[1], and ... there is no need to get depressed about it[2], and I don't care what they do, any of them ... / oh, man, that's the beauty of different fish![1], and even the funds with names can be like smoke in the air or foam in water[2], and one day ... a change will happen, a ship will come in, there will be a new season![1], and I don't care what they do, any of them ... / oh, man, that's the beauty of different fish![2], and I urge our Stu to make the most of it while it lasts BECAUSE ... All is vanity![1], and one day ... a change will happen, a ship will come in, there will be a new season![2],
and ... words a-ROUND your head is as scary as it gets, so relax, and enjoy the ride[1], and I urge our Stu to make the most of it while it lasts BECAUSE ... All is vanity![2], and YOU(!) can file this under SAD TRUTHS[1], and ... words a-ROUND your head is as scary as it gets, so relax, and enjoy the ride[2], and STUART RILEY?! / What can I say, man? / I guess Chris knows a thing or two ...[3], and YOU(!) can file this under SAD TRUTHS[2], and ROKOS, of course / CHRIS ROKOS[3], and that's the beauty of finance ... one banker/hedgie is very much like another[3], and a-ROUND here ... it's all the same to us, ain't it? / So, so ... get a-ROUND![3], and all you gotta do, if you're really enthusiastic, my friend(s), is imagine a man who leaves Goldman for a hedge fund[3], and I see the men and women of MONEY in my dreams / and my doctor says there is NOTHING he can do for me[3], and oh(!) ... it's a hedge fund without a name / and it's pretty common these days, pie in the sky?[3], and ... there is no need to get depressed about it[3], and even the funds with names can be like smoke in the air or foam in water[3], and I don't care what they do, any of them ... / oh, man, that's the beauty of different fish![3], and one day ... a change will happen, a ship will come in, there will be a new season![3], and I urge our Stu to make the most of it while it lasts BECAUSE ... All is vanity![3], and ... words a-ROUND your head is as scary as it gets, so relax, and enjoy the ride[3], and YOU(!) can file this under SAD TRUTHS[3], and

And STUART RILEY?! / What can I say, man? / I guess Chris knows a thing or two ...[1], and ROKOS, of course / CHRIS ROKOS[1], and STUART RILEY?! / What can I say, man? / I guess Chris knows a thing or two ...[2], and that's the beauty of finance ... one banker/hedgie is very much like another[1], and ROKOS, of course / CHRIS ROKOS[2], and a-ROUND here ... it's all the same to us, ain't it? / So, so ... get a-ROUND![1], and that's the beauty of finance ... one banker/hedgie is very much like another[2], and all you gotta do, if you're really enthusiastic, my friend(s), is imagine a man who leaves Goldman for a hedge fund[1], and a-ROUND here ... it's all the same to us, ain't it? / So, so ... get a-ROUND![2], and I see the men and women of MONEY in my dreams / and my doctor says there is NOTHING he can do for me[1], and all you gotta do, if you're really enthusiastic, my friend(s), is imagine a man who leaves Goldman for a hedge fund[2], and oh(!) ... it's a hedge fund without a name / and it's pretty common these days, pie in the sky?[1], and I see the men and women of MONEY in my dreams / and my doctor says there is NOTHING he can do for me[2], and ... there is no need to get depressed about it[1], and oh(!) ... it's a hedge fund without a name / and it's pretty common these days, pie in the sky?[2], and even the funds with names can be like smoke in the air or foam in water[1], and ... there is no need to get depressed about it[2], and I don't care what they do, any of them ... / oh, man, that's the beauty of different fish![1], and even the funds with names can be like smoke in the air or foam in water[2], and one day ... a change will happen, a ship will come in, there will be a new season![1], and I don't care what they do, any of them ... / oh, man, that's the beauty of different fish![2], and I urge our Stu to make the most of it while it lasts BECAUSE ... All is vanity![1], and one day ... a change will happen, a ship will come in, there will be a new season![2], and ... words a-ROUND your head is as scary as it gets, so relax, and enjoy the ride[1], and I urge our Stu to make the most of it while it lasts BECAUSE ... All is vanity![2], and YOU(!) can file this under SAD TRUTHS[1], and ... words a-ROUND your head is as scary as it gets, so relax, and enjoy the ride[2], and STUART RILEY?! / What can I say, man? / I guess Chris knows a thing or two ...[3], and YOU(!) can file this under SAD TRUTHS[2], and ROKOS, of course / CHRIS ROKOS[3], and that's the beauty of finance ... one banker/hedgie is very much like another[3], and a-ROUND here ... it's all the same to us, ain't it? / So, so ... get a-ROUND![3], and all you gotta do, if you're really enthusiastic, my friend(s), is imagine a man who leaves Goldman for a hedge fund[3], and I see the men and women of MONEY in my dreams / and my doctor says there is NOTHING he can do for me[3], and oh(!) ... it's a hedge fund without a name / and it's pretty common these days, pie in the sky?[3], and ... there is no need to get depressed about it[3], and even the funds with names can be like smoke in the air or foam in water[3], and I don't care what they do, any of them ... / oh, man, that's the beauty of different fish![3], and one day ... a change will happen, a ship will come in, there will be a new season![3], and I urge our Stu to make the most of it while it lasts BECAUSE ... All is vanity![3], and ... words a-ROUND your head is as scary as it gets, so relax, and enjoy the ride[3], and YOU(!) can file this under SAD TRUTHS[3], and

And STUART RILEY?! / What can I say, man? / I guess Chris knows a thing or two ...[1], and ROKOS, of course / CHRIS ROKOS[1], and STUART RILEY?! / What can I say, man? / I guess Chris knows a thing or two ...[2], and that's the beauty of finance ... one banker/hedgie is very much like another[1], and ROKOS, of course / CHRIS ROKOS[2], and a-ROUND here ... it's all the same to us, ain't it? / So, so ... get a-ROUND![1], and that's the beauty of finance ... one banker/hedgie is very much like another[2], and all you gotta do, if you're really enthusiastic, my friend(s), is imagine a man who leaves Goldman for a hedge fund[1], and a-ROUND here ... it's all the same to us, ain't it? / So, so ... get a-ROUND![2], and I see the men and women of MONEY in my dreams / and my doctor says there is NOTHING he can do for me[1], and all you gotta do, if you're really enthusiastic, my friend(s), is imagine a man who leaves Goldman for a hedge fund[2], and oh(!) ... it's a hedge fund without a name / and it's pretty common these days, pie in the sky?[1], and I see the men and women of MONEY in my dreams / and my doctor says there is NOTHING he can do for me[2], and ... there is no need to get depressed about it[1], and oh(!) ... it's a hedge fund without a name / and it's pretty common these days, pie in the sky?[2], and even the funds with names can be like smoke in the air or foam in water[1], and ... there is no need to get depressed about it[2], and I don't care what they do, any of them ... / oh, man, that's the beauty of different fish![1], and even the funds with names can be like smoke in the air or foam in water[2], and one day ... a change will happen, a ship will come in, there will be a new season![1], and I don't care what they do, any of them ... / oh, man, that's the beauty of different fish![2], and I urge our Stu to make the most of it while it lasts BECAUSE ... All is vanity![1], and one day ... a change will happen, a ship will come in, there will be a new season![2], and ... words a-ROUND your head is as scary as it gets, so relax, and enjoy the ride[1], and I urge our Stu to make the most of it while it lasts BECAUSE ... All is vanity![2], and YOU(!) can file this under SAD TRUTHS[1], and ... words a-ROUND your head is as scary as it gets, so relax, and enjoy the ride[2], and STUART RILEY?! / What can I say, man? / I guess Chris knows a thing or two ...[3], and YOU(!) can file this under SAD TRUTHS[2], and ROKOS, of course / CHRIS ROKOS[3], and that's the beauty of finance ... one banker/hedgie is very much like another[3], and a-ROUND here ... it's all the same to us, ain't it? / So, so ... get a-ROUND![3], and all you gotta do, if you're really enthusiastic, my friend(s), is imagine a man who leaves Goldman for a hedge fund[3], and I see the men and women of MONEY in my dreams / and my doctor says there is NOTHING he can do for me[3], and oh(!) ... it's a hedge fund without a name / and it's pretty common these days, pie in the sky?[3], and ... there is no need to get depressed about it[3], and even the funds with names can be like smoke in the air or foam in water[3], and I don't care what they do, any of them ... / oh, man, that's the beauty of different fish![3], and one day ... a change will happen, a ship will come in, there will be a new season![3], and I urge our Stu to make the most of it while it lasts BECAUSE ... All is vanity![3], and ... words a-ROUND your head is as scary as it gets, so relax, and enjoy the ride[3], and YOU(!) can file this under SAD TRUTHS[3], and

Chris Rokos has hired Goldman's Stuart Riley!

Oh yeah. Big time. For his new hedge fund ... which doesn't seem to have a name yet. Never a good sign! This could all be pie in the sky. We just don't know. However, there is some good news. Mr Rokos, our Chris, has sorted out his troubles with Brevan Howard. 'Yippee!' Yeah, I'm glad to see that both parties took my advice from September last year: We need to make love not war, you dig? Everyone's happy again. Brevan Howard even has a piece of the new firm ... er, which doesn't seem to have a name. 'You're repeating yourself, boss.' Repeating myself, Voice? Man, I haven't even started on my conceptual yet, No. 301. Wait until this afternoon and evening if you want repetition! I get a-ROUND!

Stuart Riley? I'm afraid no one really knows anything about him, dear reader(s). He's a mystery man. 'That's not true, is it, boss?' Well ... 'You've just been too lazy to do the proper research on the internet.' You're my intern, man. You do it. 'Ha! Intern? I'm a voice in your head, son. Start paying me, then I'll be your goddamn intern.' Don't get confused, Voice. Interns are slaves. Besides, what would you spend the money on?

The little idiot! / Well, I tell you what I have done, reader(s). I've looked at Mr Riley's LinkedIn profile. (Without signing in, of course. I'm not a member of Facebook for squares.) Our Stu has sixty-four connections, and he went to Imperial College. So, as I said, a mystery man. Oh ... he'll be moving from Hong Kong to London. That's it. That's your lot. Use your imagination for the rest! 'Great!' My imagination? I'm imagining a mild-mannered janitor living in a filing cabinet. 'Ha!' At least in London, he'll be able to get a flat or a house.

...

Anything else? I'm listening to The Rolling Stones this morning. Various songs. Gimme Shelter, Sympathy for the Devil, Wild Horses, Let it Loose ...

I bought a new strap for my Telecaster yesterday. A proper Fender one. It feels more comfortable now.

Lunch? Cheese sandwich. Peach yoghurt. But no Coke, you'll be glad to hear. 'I'm very glad. You'll be in the gym next, Mikey.' (No.) I'm getting healthy, man!

Monday, 16 March 2015

Manny Roman is getting a bigger bonus!

And I'm happy for him. Manny's bonus is up 43 per cent to $2.5 million. Well done, Manny! / But does he deserve it, dear reader(s)? I mean, it seems our Manny is still keeping faith with that God-awful Man Group computer. What's it called again? HAL, I think ... ? 'AHL, boss.' Yes, thank you, Voice. AHL! It sounds utterly demonic.

Has our Manny forgotten the Way of the Shaman? I watched The Last Samurai last night. It's a really good film. The Way of the Shaman has a lot in common with the Way of the Samurai. Discipline, devotion, sacrifice, honour ... / In the film, the emperor almost forgets the old ways, but Tom Cruise reminds him (er, by getting all his friends killed). Well, Manny Roman is the emperor of Man Group, and - 'And you're Tom Cruise, Mikey?' Yeah, sort of.

[A note for confused readers: The Way of the Shaman isn't a film, all right? I'm talking about a way of living, man. I shouldn't have to explain this shit to you.]

Oh, one more thing. Is there any confusion in your mind about Man Group's increased AUM? ('No.' Not you. Them. 'Oh.') There shouldn't be because it is very simple. Man Group has been buying investors and AUM. It's much easier than attracting new business. 'So, boss? Is that such a terrible thing?' I'm just saying, that's all.

Manny, mate, get rid of AHL! Please! I feel sick thinking about it. Get rid of AHL and I'm sure assets will come naturally. Do it for me, as an old friend.

...

That's enough finance. No post tomorrow. I'll be back Wednesday with more nonsense from the exciting world of finance.

Anything else? Lunch? I don't know what I'm having yet. I haven't been to the shop. It'll be a sandwich of some kind, an egg or a cheese one. No surprises!

Music? I'm listening to The Specials. More Specials. I was a rude boy, you know. When I was eleven, twelve. 'Ah, ain't that sweet!' Shut up, you idiot!

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Sunday afternoon thoughts and feelings

Yeah, I'm just relaxing, man, and listening to some music. I've got 2Pac on. A lot of his stuff is quite melancholic, you know. I love Better Dayz, I Ain't Mad at Cha, Changes and Life Goes On. However, I also love the angry, aggressive stuff like Lil' Homies, Ballad of a Dead Soulja, Fuck the World, Hit 'Em Up ... / I can relate to all of it. You get angry at the world, so you start ranting and raving. Then you wear yourself out and just get sad, you dig? Even thugs cry.

I was going to do a bit of recording today. I don't fancy it now though. I can't face it. Maybe tomorrow. Who knows? I'm not sure there's any need to rush. 'Rush?!' (But there might be.) / I've been thinking why guys like Dylan, Costello, and Lennon (while he was alive) are great songwriters but merely competent guitarists. Maybe it's because they "made it" young and then the pressure was on to write songs, record albums, and tour. They couldn't hang around the house playing the guitar for five or six hours a day. So I've got to take advantage of the time I have now. (But that doesn't explain Prince. Nineteen, first album! 'Better musician than songwriter, boss.') / Oh, I bought a Prince DVD last week, Rave un2 the Year 2000. It's okay, not brilliant, but there's some amazing guitar playing on Hendrix's Red House which Prince calls Purple House. 'Typical, Mikey!' Yeah, Voice. There's no harm in it.

Er ... / Tony Robbins is right about neural pathways and how your brain changes with new activity which is repetitive. If I don't play my guitar for at least two hours a day ... I get a physical urge to play. Withdrawal symptoms or something. I don't know. I'm not complaining. It's actually a good thing because a couple of years ago I had to force myself to play for just thirty minutes.

Jesus ... / Time is passing. My music! 'Keep calm, son!' I am calm, Voice. I don't care about my age! / There are two things I want from myself: One, to be the greatest songwriter in the world. Two, to be a world-class guitarist. (In my mind that means being in the top twenty greatest living guys, Beck, Clapton, Page, Blackmore, Gilmour, Prince ...) / If I can achieve that, time and age won't mean shit.

H. Christ ... / Sunday, Sunday ... / Sundays! Are they good, or are they bad? I think they're a bit depressing. 'Big time!' I suppose they're good in the sense that you don't have to do nothing.

[I'm doing NOTHING. 'Except this.' I'm nearly finished.]

Mary, er, Chain ... ? / Finance? Uh. Oh, no, no. Not today. Please! Please!!! Come back tomorrow morning, dear reader(s), if that's your thing. / Man, is that your thing?! Really? Well, well ...

Thursday, 12 March 2015

Jeremy Lang: unusual beast?

No, not Jeremy Lang. He's not unusual. Probably not a beast. No, our Jeremy says that TSB is an unusual beast. 'Tyger burning bright, by any chance?' I don't know, man. Personally, I think the firm he works for (Ardevora, co-founded, actually) is the usual beast. 'Unusual, Mikey.' What, Voice? 'It's unusual.' Yes, it certainly is.

Christ. Why did I ... ? / Yeah, see if you can dig this, dear reader(s), about Ardevora: Life is a stream of decisions. Many of these decisions involve uncertainty, maybe, forcing us, and you, to make predictions and confront risky business. It's a good film. Unfortunately, er ... most of us do not seem to handle risk very well. How about you? Cognitive psychologists have found that we easily slip into bias. They've been studying us. Bias happens when we repeatedly rely on the wrong type of information to make a judgement. We don't like doing that. Our investment process is research based and grounded in cognitive psychology. We are not insane. We cannot stress that enough. So ... / We observe the behaviour of three participants in equity markets: company management, analysts and investors. They don't mind. Well, we haven't been caught yet. We attempt to exploit the biases which result from their behaviour. Not our behaviour. We think company management are prone to excessive "risk taking" - their egotistical personality type and remuneration structures give them a skewed view of risk. Bastards! They are out of control. Maybe. But at least they don't spy on people through curtains that haven't been drawn properly. Using the balance sheet and the cash flow statement and the rune stones, no, only joking, as our starting point, tarot cards, yes, we look to exclude any stocks where management behaviour looks excessively risky. So tired now. Thank you and good night.

'What on earth is all that, boss?!' I only wish I knew, man. I only wish I knew. I got four hours sleep last night, you see. 'Oh.' Er, yeah ... it is usual though, and unusually beastly. 'Is it?' No. No.

Okay, that's enough. It really is enough. See you next week, all of you. Good night!

[No. 300] No one needs to know anything about banking

Ignorance is bliss.

And, yes ... SUCCESS(!) is a state of mind[1], and if knowing things about banking can almost destroy the world, maybe it's better to know nothing[1], and, yes ... SUCCESS(!) is a state of mind[2], and, well ... NOTHING(!) is where it's at, baby![1], and if knowing things about banking can almost destroy the world, maybe it's better to know nothing[2], and all you need is the confidence to be a gangster ... and money will come to YOU(!) / Oh, believe ...[1], and, well ... NOTHING(!) is where it's at, baby![2], and I know ... other stuff[1], and all you need is the confidence to be a gangster ... and money will come to YOU(!) / Oh, believe ...[2], and YOU(!) can be a chief executive, and you can make millions / Obviously, it's all temporary ...[1], and I know ... other stuff[2], and here you are, willing to learn at the mind of the master ... / I can only salute you![1], and YOU(!) can be a chief executive, and you can make millions / Obviously, it's all temporary ...[2], and nothing lasts forever, my friend(s) ... so you must make the most of something, for a while[1], and here you are, willing to learn at the mind of the master ... / I can only salute you![2], and what you know ... (drum roll) ... ain't worth knowing / yes, SAD TRUTH![1], and nothing lasts forever, my friend(s) ... so you must make the most of something, for a while[2], and I'm not asking much of you ... / but you must surrender to my will ... / oh, there can be no resistance![1], and what you know ... (drum roll) ... ain't worth knowing / yes, SAD TRUTH![2], and close your eyes, just feel ...[1], and I'm not asking much of you ... / but you must surrender to my will ... / oh, there can be no resistance![2], and a-ROUND here ... nothing matters, anyway ... really matters, you dig? / How DIZZY(!) do you want to be?[1], and close your eyes, just feel ...[2], and I feel ... bad because my guitar is gently weeping, waiting for me to hold it again[1], and a-ROUND here ... nothing matters, anyway ... really matters, you dig? / How DIZZY(!) do you want to be?[2], and time is passing ... / how BRAVE(!) you are to be here ... !!![1], and I feel ... bad because my guitar is gently weeping, waiting for me to hold it again[2], and, yes ... SUCCESS(!) is a state of mind[3], and time is passing ... / how BRAVE(!) you are to be here ... !!![2], and if knowing things about banking can almost destroy the world, maybe it's better to know nothing[3], and, well ... NOTHING(!) is where it's at, baby![3], and all you need is the confidence to be a gangster ... and money will come to YOU(!) / Oh, believe ...[3], and I know ... other stuff[3], and YOU(!) can be a chief executive, and you can make millions / Obviously, it's all temporary ...[3], and here you are, willing to learn at the mind of the master ... / I can only salute you![3], and nothing lasts forever, my friend(s) ... so you must make the most of something, for a while[3], and what you know ... (drum roll) ... ain't worth knowing / yes, SAD TRUTH![3], and I'm not asking much of you ... / but you must surrender to my will ... / oh, there can be no resistance![3], and close your eyes, just feel ...[3], and a-ROUND here ... nothing matters, anyway ... really matters, you dig? / How DIZZY(!) do you want to be?[3], and I feel ... bad because my guitar is gently weeping, waiting for me to hold it again[3], and time is passing ... / how BRAVE(!) you are to be here ... !!![3], and

And, yes ... SUCCESS(!) is a state of mind[1], and if knowing things about banking can almost destroy the world, maybe it's better to know nothing[1], and, yes ... SUCCESS(!) is a state of mind[2], and, well ... NOTHING(!) is where it's at, baby![1], and if knowing things about banking can almost destroy the world, maybe it's better to know nothing[2], and all you need is the confidence to be a gangster ... and money will come to YOU(!) / Oh, believe ...[1], and, well ... NOTHING(!) is where it's at, baby![2], and I know ... other stuff[1], and all you need is the confidence to be a gangster ... and money will come to YOU(!) / Oh, believe ...[2], and YOU(!) can be a chief executive, and you can make millions / Obviously, it's all temporary ...[1], and I know ... other stuff[2], and here you are, willing to learn at the mind of the master ... / I can only salute you![1], and YOU(!) can be a chief executive, and you can make millions / Obviously, it's all temporary ...[2], and nothing lasts forever, my friend(s) ... so you must make the most of something, for a while[1], and here you are, willing to learn at the mind of the master ... / I can only salute you![2], and what you know ... (drum roll) ... ain't worth knowing / yes, SAD TRUTH![1], and nothing lasts forever, my friend(s) ... so you must make the most of something, for a while[2], and I'm not asking much of you ... / but you must surrender to my will ... / oh, there can be no resistance![1], and what you know ... (drum roll) ... ain't worth knowing / yes, SAD TRUTH![2], and close your eyes, just feel ...[1], and I'm not asking much of you ... / but you must surrender to my will ... / oh, there can be no resistance![2], and a-ROUND here ... nothing matters, anyway ... really matters, you dig? / How DIZZY(!) do you want to be?[1], and close your eyes, just feel ...[2], and I feel ... bad because my guitar is gently weeping, waiting for me to hold it again[1], and a-ROUND here ... nothing matters, anyway ... really matters, you dig? / How DIZZY(!) do you want to be?[2], and time is passing ... / how BRAVE(!) you are to be here ... !!![1], and I feel ... bad because my guitar is gently weeping, waiting for me to hold it again[2], and, yes ... SUCCESS(!) is a state of mind[3], and time is passing ... / how BRAVE(!) you are to be here ... !!![2], and if knowing things about banking can almost destroy the world, maybe it's better to know nothing[3], and, well ... NOTHING(!) is where it's at, baby![3], and all you need is the confidence to be a gangster ... and money will come to YOU(!) / Oh, believe ...[3], and I know ... other stuff[3], and YOU(!) can be a chief executive, and you can make millions / Obviously, it's all temporary ...[3], and here you are, willing to learn at the mind of the master ... / I can only salute you![3], and nothing lasts forever, my friend(s) ... so you must make the most of something, for a while[3], and what you know ... (drum roll) ... ain't worth knowing / yes, SAD TRUTH![3], and I'm not asking much of you ... / but you must surrender to my will ... / oh, there can be no resistance![3], and close your eyes, just feel ...[3], and a-ROUND here ... nothing matters, anyway ... really matters, you dig? / How DIZZY(!) do you want to be?[3], and I feel ... bad because my guitar is gently weeping, waiting for me to hold it again[3], and time is passing ... / how BRAVE(!) you are to be here ... !!![3], and

And, yes ... SUCCESS(!) is a state of mind[1], and if knowing things about banking can almost destroy the world, maybe it's better to know nothing[1], and, yes ... SUCCESS(!) is a state of mind[2], and, well ... NOTHING(!) is where it's at, baby![1], and if knowing things about banking can almost destroy the world, maybe it's better to know nothing[2], and all you need is the confidence to be a gangster ... and money will come to YOU(!) / Oh, believe ...[1], and, well ... NOTHING(!) is where it's at, baby![2], and I know ... other stuff[1], and all you need is the confidence to be a gangster ... and money will come to YOU(!) / Oh, believe ...[2], and YOU(!) can be a chief executive, and you can make millions / Obviously, it's all temporary ...[1], and I know ... other stuff[2], and here you are, willing to learn at the mind of the master ... / I can only salute you![1], and YOU(!) can be a chief executive, and you can make millions / Obviously, it's all temporary ...[2], and nothing lasts forever, my friend(s) ... so you must make the most of something, for a while[1], and here you are, willing to learn at the mind of the master ... / I can only salute you![2], and what you know ... (drum roll) ... ain't worth knowing / yes, SAD TRUTH![1], and nothing lasts forever, my friend(s) ... so you must make the most of something, for a while[2], and I'm not asking much of you ... / but you must surrender to my will ... / oh, there can be no resistance![1], and what you know ... (drum roll) ... ain't worth knowing / yes, SAD TRUTH![2], and close your eyes, just feel ...[1], and I'm not asking much of you ... / but you must surrender to my will ... / oh, there can be no resistance![2], and a-ROUND here ... nothing matters, anyway ... really matters, you dig? / How DIZZY(!) do you want to be?[1], and close your eyes, just feel ...[2], and I feel ... bad because my guitar is gently weeping, waiting for me to hold it again[1], and a-ROUND here ... nothing matters, anyway ... really matters, you dig? / How DIZZY(!) do you want to be?[2], and time is passing ... / how BRAVE(!) you are to be here ... !!![1], and I feel ... bad because my guitar is gently weeping, waiting for me to hold it again[2], and, yes ... SUCCESS(!) is a state of mind[3], and time is passing ... / how BRAVE(!) you are to be here ... !!![2], and if knowing things about banking can almost destroy the world, maybe it's better to know nothing[3], and, well ... NOTHING(!) is where it's at, baby![3], and all you need is the confidence to be a gangster ... and money will come to YOU(!) / Oh, believe ...[3], and I know ... other stuff[3], and YOU(!) can be a chief executive, and you can make millions / Obviously, it's all temporary ...[3], and here you are, willing to learn at the mind of the master ... / I can only salute you![3], and nothing lasts forever, my friend(s) ... so you must make the most of something, for a while[3], and what you know ... (drum roll) ... ain't worth knowing / yes, SAD TRUTH![3], and I'm not asking much of you ... / but you must surrender to my will ... / oh, there can be no resistance![3], and close your eyes, just feel ...[3], and a-ROUND here ... nothing matters, anyway ... really matters, you dig? / How DIZZY(!) do you want to be?[3], and I feel ... bad because my guitar is gently weeping, waiting for me to hold it again[3], and time is passing ... / how BRAVE(!) you are to be here ... !!![3], and

What does Tidjane Thiam know about banking?

Oh, er ... / Nothing! As far as I can tell. Tidjane is from an insurance background. 'Boss, it's all the same, ain't it?' Er, maybe, Voice. I don't know. Well, well ... / All I know is that our Tidjane is going to be the next chief executive of Credit Suisse. So ... he must be doing something right!

Oh, it doesn't matter, man. 'Live and let live!' You don't need to know anything about banking to get on and have a great career. I mean, look at me, dear reader(s). I was just some crazy mystical guy living in a cave with only a blanket to my name. But Big Herb discovered me and convinced me to become a financial shaman. (I wasn't actually sure about it at the time. I was thinking more of becoming a rock and roll shaman like Jim Morrison, which strangely I'm getting back to now. Isn't it funny how life works out? 'Yes.') And the rest was history. I made it in finance. 'Big time!' I started this blog, and I became the world's foremost financial shaman that everyone knows and loves today. 'I certainly love you.' Thanks, man. / Of course, there was that unpleasant business when I had to cut Big Herb's throat in the astral night. 'Nasty!' However, I had no choice! 'It's a jungle on the astral plane, Mikey.' Tell me about it! Yeah, it was him or me.

By the way, dear reader(s), Big Herb wasn't a fan of Tidjane Thiam. Something about his bonus at Prudential ... Who cares?! 'Yeah. Who cares?! No one. It's all water under the bridge, boss.' No it isn't! Fuck that shit, Voice! I'm not listening to Simon and Garfunkel. 'Well ...' Christ! Come on! Mr Simon may be a very talented songwriter, but I find him annoying, you know? 'Yeah, I suppose.' And don't get me started on Mr Garfunkel! Bright eyes? Seriously? Bright eyes?! Do me a favour, son! No, I'm listening to Wu-Tang Clan this morning. Bring da motherfucking ruckus!!! 'Yeah, all right, Mikey. Whatever.'

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Lunch? Egg sandwich. Luxury egg sandwich, believe it or not. You only live millions of times, so ...