Thursday, 29 October 2015

Deutsche Bank job losses ... 9,000 or 15,000 or 35,000 or ...

It all depends whom you believe, dear reader(s). Different media organizations, jokers! Personally, I don't believe any of them. So, I've come up with my own figure ... 12,565. 'How did you get that number, boss?' Just a lucky guess, Voice. 'Lucky?!' Well, obviously, it's not lucky for the poor sods at Deutsche Bank losing their jobs.

The question is: Will there be anyone left working at the bank? 'Maybe the cat, and the caretaker.' Yeah, a lot of good they will be, man. Who's going to bring the money in? Who's going to keep the bank running?

Maybe it doesn't matter, I don't know. Finance was always heading this way. 'Because of the credit crunch, the crisis?' Partly, Voice. But mainly because of me. 'Oh.' You can't enter the staid world of finance with visions and chakras and blood and fire and not have a destabilizing effect, you know? But, unfortunately, it was written. In the stars.

Hopefully, they'll all get new jobs, better jobs.

...

Zoomy thingy? I absolutely love it now. 'What, your Zoomy thingy?!' Yes, that's what I said. It's a beautiful piece of technology. I'll have another go at my songs soon. Maybe Sunday - if I'm in the right mood.

Well, later(s), crocodile(s).

[No. 362] If it were so easy to be Stevie Cohen ...

Everyone would be Stevie Cohen.

And here we are, again ...[1], and everyone who has ever known Stevie Cohen wants to be him ... 'Boy, he must be quite a man!'[1], and here we are, again ...[2], and how much is he worth now? / uh, is anyone counting?[1], and everyone who has ever known Stevie Cohen wants to be him ... 'Boy, he must be quite a man!'[2], and Mr Cohen owns the dead shark, you know? 'What?! The FSA?!' No, no, no ... the other dead shark[1], and how much is he worth now? / uh, is anyone counting?[2], and ... no, no, no, not Laughing Lenny[1], and Mr Cohen owns the dead shark, you know? 'What?! The FSA?!' No, no, no ... the other dead shark[2], and a-ROUND when you're DIZZY(!) things seem easier ... ?[1], and ... no, no, no, not Laughing Lenny[2], and, actually, it's much harder to be me, world's foremost financial shaman, ah, years in the desert, oh, years of suffering[1], and a-ROUND when you're DIZZY(!) things seem easier ... ?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and who am I? / ... and who are YOU(!)?[1], and, actually, it's much harder to be me, world's foremost financial shaman, ah, years in the desert, oh, years of suffering[2], and here ... we are, Christ![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and who am I? / ... and who are YOU(!)?[2], and our Stevie must want to know who he is ... at three in the morning[1], and here ... we are, Christ![2], and three in the morning is when THE BAD SHIT happens - as we all know, at least, those of us with souls, yeah?[1], and our Stevie must want to know who he is ... at three in the morning[2], and who would want a soul? / I mean, who would choose the lifestyle, man?![1], and three in the morning is when THE BAD SHIT happens - as we all know, at least, those of us with souls, yeah?[2], and give me THE ZOMBIE LIFE any day!!![1], and who would want a soul? / I mean, who would choose the lifestyle, man?![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / no, we ain't getting off, this ... is it! ALL THERE IS!!![1], and give me THE ZOMBIE LIFE any day!!![2], and let's face it, it ain't easy to be anyone, 'Ha!'[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / no, we ain't getting off, this ... is it! ALL THERE IS!!![2], and here we are, again ...[3], and let's face it, it ain't easy to be anyone, 'Ha!'[2], and everyone who has ever known Stevie Cohen wants to be him ... 'Boy, he must be quite a man!'[3], and how much is he worth now? / uh, is anyone counting?[3], and Mr Cohen owns the dead shark, you know? 'What?! The FSA?!' No, no, no ... the other dead shark[3], and ... no, no, no, not Laughing Lenny[3], and a-ROUND when you're DIZZY(!) things seem easier ... ?[3], and, actually, it's much harder to be me, world's foremost financial shaman, ah, years in the desert, oh, years of suffering[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and who am I? / ... and who are YOU(!)?[3], and here ... we are, Christ![3], and our Stevie must want to know who he is ... at three in the morning[3], and three in the morning is when THE BAD SHIT happens - as we all know, at least, those of us with souls, yeah?[3], and who would want a soul? / I mean, who would choose the lifestyle, man?![3], and give me THE ZOMBIE LIFE any day!!![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / no, we ain't getting off, this ... is it! ALL THERE IS!!![3], and let's face it, it ain't easy to be anyone, 'Ha!'[3], and

And here we are, again ...[1], and everyone who has ever known Stevie Cohen wants to be him ... 'Boy, he must be quite a man!'[1], and here we are, again ...[2], and how much is he worth now? / uh, is anyone counting?[1], and everyone who has ever known Stevie Cohen wants to be him ... 'Boy, he must be quite a man!'[2], and Mr Cohen owns the dead shark, you know? 'What?! The FSA?!' No, no, no ... the other dead shark[1], and how much is he worth now? / uh, is anyone counting?[2], and ... no, no, no, not Laughing Lenny[1], and Mr Cohen owns the dead shark, you know? 'What?! The FSA?!' No, no, no ... the other dead shark[2], and a-ROUND when you're DIZZY(!) things seem easier ... ?[1], and ... no, no, no, not Laughing Lenny[2], and, actually, it's much harder to be me, world's foremost financial shaman, ah, years in the desert, oh, years of suffering[1], and a-ROUND when you're DIZZY(!) things seem easier ... ?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and who am I? / ... and who are YOU(!)?[1], and, actually, it's much harder to be me, world's foremost financial shaman, ah, years in the desert, oh, years of suffering[2], and here ... we are, Christ![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and who am I? / ... and who are YOU(!)?[2], and our Stevie must want to know who he is ... at three in the morning[1], and here ... we are, Christ![2], and three in the morning is when THE BAD SHIT happens - as we all know, at least, those of us with souls, yeah?[1], and our Stevie must want to know who he is ... at three in the morning[2], and who would want a soul? / I mean, who would choose the lifestyle, man?![1], and three in the morning is when THE BAD SHIT happens - as we all know, at least, those of us with souls, yeah?[2], and give me THE ZOMBIE LIFE any day!!![1], and who would want a soul? / I mean, who would choose the lifestyle, man?![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / no, we ain't getting off, this ... is it! ALL THERE IS!!![1], and give me THE ZOMBIE LIFE any day!!![2], and let's face it, it ain't easy to be anyone, 'Ha!'[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / no, we ain't getting off, this ... is it! ALL THERE IS!!![2], and here we are, again ...[3], and let's face it, it ain't easy to be anyone, 'Ha!'[2], and everyone who has ever known Stevie Cohen wants to be him ... 'Boy, he must be quite a man!'[3], and how much is he worth now? / uh, is anyone counting?[3], and Mr Cohen owns the dead shark, you know? 'What?! The FSA?!' No, no, no ... the other dead shark[3], and ... no, no, no, not Laughing Lenny[3], and a-ROUND when you're DIZZY(!) things seem easier ... ?[3], and, actually, it's much harder to be me, world's foremost financial shaman, ah, years in the desert, oh, years of suffering[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and who am I? / ... and who are YOU(!)?[3], and here ... we are, Christ![3], and our Stevie must want to know who he is ... at three in the morning[3], and three in the morning is when THE BAD SHIT happens - as we all know, at least, those of us with souls, yeah?[3], and who would want a soul? / I mean, who would choose the lifestyle, man?![3], and give me THE ZOMBIE LIFE any day!!![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / no, we ain't getting off, this ... is it! ALL THERE IS!!![3], and let's face it, it ain't easy to be anyone, 'Ha!'[3], and

And here we are, again ...[1], and everyone who has ever known Stevie Cohen wants to be him ... 'Boy, he must be quite a man!'[1], and here we are, again ...[2], and how much is he worth now? / uh, is anyone counting?[1], and everyone who has ever known Stevie Cohen wants to be him ... 'Boy, he must be quite a man!'[2], and Mr Cohen owns the dead shark, you know? 'What?! The FSA?!' No, no, no ... the other dead shark[1], and how much is he worth now? / uh, is anyone counting?[2], and ... no, no, no, not Laughing Lenny[1], and Mr Cohen owns the dead shark, you know? 'What?! The FSA?!' No, no, no ... the other dead shark[2], and a-ROUND when you're DIZZY(!) things seem easier ... ?[1], and ... no, no, no, not Laughing Lenny[2], and, actually, it's much harder to be me, world's foremost financial shaman, ah, years in the desert, oh, years of suffering[1], and a-ROUND when you're DIZZY(!) things seem easier ... ?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and who am I? / ... and who are YOU(!)?[1], and, actually, it's much harder to be me, world's foremost financial shaman, ah, years in the desert, oh, years of suffering[2], and here ... we are, Christ![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and who am I? / ... and who are YOU(!)?[2], and our Stevie must want to know who he is ... at three in the morning[1], and here ... we are, Christ![2], and three in the morning is when THE BAD SHIT happens - as we all know, at least, those of us with souls, yeah?[1], and our Stevie must want to know who he is ... at three in the morning[2], and who would want a soul? / I mean, who would choose the lifestyle, man?![1], and three in the morning is when THE BAD SHIT happens - as we all know, at least, those of us with souls, yeah?[2], and give me THE ZOMBIE LIFE any day!!![1], and who would want a soul? / I mean, who would choose the lifestyle, man?![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / no, we ain't getting off, this ... is it! ALL THERE IS!!![1], and give me THE ZOMBIE LIFE any day!!![2], and let's face it, it ain't easy to be anyone, 'Ha!'[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / no, we ain't getting off, this ... is it! ALL THERE IS!!![2], and here we are, again ...[3], and let's face it, it ain't easy to be anyone, 'Ha!'[2], and everyone who has ever known Stevie Cohen wants to be him ... 'Boy, he must be quite a man!'[3], and how much is he worth now? / uh, is anyone counting?[3], and Mr Cohen owns the dead shark, you know? 'What?! The FSA?!' No, no, no ... the other dead shark[3], and ... no, no, no, not Laughing Lenny[3], and a-ROUND when you're DIZZY(!) things seem easier ... ?[3], and, actually, it's much harder to be me, world's foremost financial shaman, ah, years in the desert, oh, years of suffering[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and who am I? / ... and who are YOU(!)?[3], and here ... we are, Christ![3], and our Stevie must want to know who he is ... at three in the morning[3], and three in the morning is when THE BAD SHIT happens - as we all know, at least, those of us with souls, yeah?[3], and who would want a soul? / I mean, who would choose the lifestyle, man?![3], and give me THE ZOMBIE LIFE any day!!![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / no, we ain't getting off, this ... is it! ALL THERE IS!!![3], and let's face it, it ain't easy to be anyone, 'Ha!'[3], and

Nick Tiller? Precocity Capital?

Oh, guess what, dear reader(s) ... 'We've got another new hedge fund on our hands! Yippee!' Hands? Er ... you're just a voice, Voice. 'I've got astral hands, boss.' Whatever.

Yeah, Precocity Capital. It will focus on energy, agriculture, and natural resources. But it won't start trading until next year. And Nick Tiller? 'He's ex-SAC Capital, boss.' Will you let me tell them, Voice?! Please! 'What?!' If you want your own blog, man, they're very easy to start. Just go to Blogger.com on the internet. You can use your astral hands. 'Yeah, yeah. All right. You've made your point. Tell us about Nick.'

Our Nick? Well, I'm looking at his LinkedIn profile. There's not much to say about him, really. He went to Harvard. And Boston College before that. 'Nice.' Not much else.

What fascinates me though, is all these ex-SAC guys who think it's the easiest thing in the world to start a new hedge fund. 'Mikey, they see that Stevie managed it, so they think, If a big goofball like Stevie Cohen can do it, I can.' Ha! I'm sure they don't think that, Voice. I imagine working with a genius like Stevie has given them the confidence to push themselves further, you know? 'To be all they can be, you mean?' Yeah, something like that.

...

Anything else? 'Zoom thingy!' Oh, good news! I finally got my Zoom H2n Handy Recorder yesterday (a replacement parcel, the other one got lost somewhere). 'Great!' I'm really pleased with it. The sound quality is awesome. I reckon my old microphone was focusing on my vocals while making my guitar sound like shit. 'Oh no.' However, this new device has four microphones that you can use in different combinations and with loads of different settings. 'Brilliant!' So, I'm a bit more enthusiastic about recording my songs now.

Music? I'm listening to the best AC/DC album, Powerage. Amazing guitar solos/riffs! / Me? Er ... I might not be too far away from Angus Young, in terms of skill. Give me another six months, reader(s). 'You should be more like Malcolm Young, Mikey. You need rhythm guitar for your demo, man.' I know, I know. But lead guitar is just so much fun, you dig?

Lunch? Luxury egg sandwich from the petrol station. 'Wow!' I deserve it.

Wednesday, 28 October 2015

[No. 361] Blues-based rock or accountancy?

It should be a no-brainer.

And Eric or Angus or Mikey ... it's the blues feeling that matters, you dig?[1], and I got my Telecaster, man, and I'm all DIZZY(!) and HIGH(!) - and what the accountants got?![1], and Eric or Angus or Mikey ... it's the blues feeling that matters, you dig?[2], and what YOU(!) got? please tell me / and a-ROUND together we can feel it ...[1], and I got my Telecaster, man, and I'm all DIZZY(!) and HIGH(!) - and what the accountants got?![2], and I can't understand why someone, anyone, would prefer the nightmare of ... accountancy!!![1], and what YOU(!) got? please tell me / and a-ROUND together we can feel it ...[2], and fingers on the fretboard or numbers on the brain - which would YOU(!) choose?[1], and I can't understand why someone, anyone, would prefer the nightmare of ... accountancy!!![2], and some might say, When you're as rich as Eric ...[1], and fingers on the fretboard or numbers on the brain - which would YOU(!) choose?[2], and MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING[1], and some might say, When you're as rich as Eric ...[2], and THEY(!) so dead ... can't buy the BLUES VIBRATIONS that take me to another world[1], and MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING[2], and Christ! there are some weird souls ... with no brains, no brains, no brains[1], and THEY(!) so dead ... can't buy the BLUES VIBRATIONS that take me to another world[2], and YES(!) ... uh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till we feel better with the blues[1], and Christ! there are some weird souls ... with no brains, no brains, no brains[2], and I had to do a Sage accounts course once, ha! ... but I hated it, really hated it[1], and YES(!) ... uh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till we feel better with the blues[2], and PROFIT(!) or LOSS(!) don't matter, son/daughter, no, no, no ... / Robert Johnson knew all about loss ...[1], and I had to do a Sage accounts course once, ha! ... but I hated it, really hated it[2], and ha! ... just imagine if Little Walter did your accounts![1], and PROFIT(!) or LOSS(!) don't matter, son/daughter, no, no, no ... / Robert Johnson knew all about loss ...[2], and YOU(!) ... know you can gain the world and lose your soul ... oh, it's quite a common thing[1], and ha! ... just imagine if Little Walter did your accounts![2], and electric riffs are what matter[1], and YOU(!) ... know you can gain the world and lose your soul ... oh, it's quite a common thing[2], and here I am ... in my world / and I made it, and I want to share it with EVERYONE[1], and electric riffs are what matter[2], and please ... remember Blind Banker Jefferson!!![1], and here I am ... in my world / and I made it, and I want to share it with EVERYONE[2], and Eric or Angus or Mikey ... it's the blues feeling that matters, you dig?[3], and please ... remember Blind Banker Jefferson!!![2], and I got my Telecaster, man, and I'm all DIZZY(!) and HIGH(!) - and what the accountants got?![3], and what YOU(!) got? please tell me / and a-ROUND together we can feel it ...[3], and I can't understand why someone, anyone, would prefer the nightmare of ... accountancy!!![3], and fingers on the fretboard or numbers on the brain - which would YOU(!) choose?[3], and some might say, When you're as rich as Eric ...[3], and MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING[3], and THEY(!) so dead ... can't buy the BLUES VIBRATIONS that take me to another world[3], and Christ! there are some weird souls ... with no brains, no brains, no brains[3], and YES(!) ... uh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till we feel better with the blues[3], and I had to do a Sage accounts course once, ha! ... but I hated it, really hated it[3], and PROFIT(!) or LOSS(!) don't matter, son/daughter, no, no, no ... / Robert Johnson knew all about loss ...[3], and ha! ... just imagine if Little Walter did your accounts![3], and YOU(!) ... know you can gain the world and lose your soul ... oh, it's quite a common thing[3], and electric riffs are what matter[3], and here I am ... in my world / and I made it, and I want to share it with EVERYONE[3], and please ... remember Blind Banker Jefferson!!![3], and

And Eric or Angus or Mikey ... it's the blues feeling that matters, you dig?[1], and I got my Telecaster, man, and I'm all DIZZY(!) and HIGH(!) - and what the accountants got?![1], and Eric or Angus or Mikey ... it's the blues feeling that matters, you dig?[2], and what YOU(!) got? please tell me / and a-ROUND together we can feel it ...[1], and I got my Telecaster, man, and I'm all DIZZY(!) and HIGH(!) - and what the accountants got?![2], and I can't understand why someone, anyone, would prefer the nightmare of ... accountancy!!![1], and what YOU(!) got? please tell me / and a-ROUND together we can feel it ...[2], and fingers on the fretboard or numbers on the brain - which would YOU(!) choose?[1], and I can't understand why someone, anyone, would prefer the nightmare of ... accountancy!!![2], and some might say, When you're as rich as Eric ...[1], and fingers on the fretboard or numbers on the brain - which would YOU(!) choose?[2], and MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING[1], and some might say, When you're as rich as Eric ...[2], and THEY(!) so dead ... can't buy the BLUES VIBRATIONS that take me to another world[1], and MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING[2], and Christ! there are some weird souls ... with no brains, no brains, no brains[1], and THEY(!) so dead ... can't buy the BLUES VIBRATIONS that take me to another world[2], and YES(!) ... uh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till we feel better with the blues[1], and Christ! there are some weird souls ... with no brains, no brains, no brains[2], and I had to do a Sage accounts course once, ha! ... but I hated it, really hated it[1], and YES(!) ... uh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till we feel better with the blues[2], and PROFIT(!) or LOSS(!) don't matter, son/daughter, no, no, no ... / Robert Johnson knew all about loss ...[1], and I had to do a Sage accounts course once, ha! ... but I hated it, really hated it[2], and ha! ... just imagine if Little Walter did your accounts![1], and PROFIT(!) or LOSS(!) don't matter, son/daughter, no, no, no ... / Robert Johnson knew all about loss ...[2], and YOU(!) ... know you can gain the world and lose your soul ... oh, it's quite a common thing[1], and ha! ... just imagine if Little Walter did your accounts![2], and electric riffs are what matter[1], and YOU(!) ... know you can gain the world and lose your soul ... oh, it's quite a common thing[2], and here I am ... in my world / and I made it, and I want to share it with EVERYONE[1], and electric riffs are what matter[2], and please ... remember Blind Banker Jefferson!!![1], and here I am ... in my world / and I made it, and I want to share it with EVERYONE[2], and Eric or Angus or Mikey ... it's the blues feeling that matters, you dig?[3], and please ... remember Blind Banker Jefferson!!![2], and I got my Telecaster, man, and I'm all DIZZY(!) and HIGH(!) - and what the accountants got?![3], and what YOU(!) got? please tell me / and a-ROUND together we can feel it ...[3], and I can't understand why someone, anyone, would prefer the nightmare of ... accountancy!!![3], and fingers on the fretboard or numbers on the brain - which would YOU(!) choose?[3], and some might say, When you're as rich as Eric ...[3], and MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING[3], and THEY(!) so dead ... can't buy the BLUES VIBRATIONS that take me to another world[3], and Christ! there are some weird souls ... with no brains, no brains, no brains[3], and YES(!) ... uh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till we feel better with the blues[3], and I had to do a Sage accounts course once, ha! ... but I hated it, really hated it[3], and PROFIT(!) or LOSS(!) don't matter, son/daughter, no, no, no ... / Robert Johnson knew all about loss ...[3], and ha! ... just imagine if Little Walter did your accounts![3], and YOU(!) ... know you can gain the world and lose your soul ... oh, it's quite a common thing[3], and electric riffs are what matter[3], and here I am ... in my world / and I made it, and I want to share it with EVERYONE[3], and please ... remember Blind Banker Jefferson!!![3], and

And Eric or Angus or Mikey ... it's the blues feeling that matters, you dig?[1], and I got my Telecaster, man, and I'm all DIZZY(!) and HIGH(!) - and what the accountants got?![1], and Eric or Angus or Mikey ... it's the blues feeling that matters, you dig?[2], and what YOU(!) got? please tell me / and a-ROUND together we can feel it ...[1], and I got my Telecaster, man, and I'm all DIZZY(!) and HIGH(!) - and what the accountants got?![2], and I can't understand why someone, anyone, would prefer the nightmare of ... accountancy!!![1], and what YOU(!) got? please tell me / and a-ROUND together we can feel it ...[2], and fingers on the fretboard or numbers on the brain - which would YOU(!) choose?[1], and I can't understand why someone, anyone, would prefer the nightmare of ... accountancy!!![2], and some might say, When you're as rich as Eric ...[1], and fingers on the fretboard or numbers on the brain - which would YOU(!) choose?[2], and MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING[1], and some might say, When you're as rich as Eric ...[2], and THEY(!) so dead ... can't buy the BLUES VIBRATIONS that take me to another world[1], and MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING[2], and Christ! there are some weird souls ... with no brains, no brains, no brains[1], and THEY(!) so dead ... can't buy the BLUES VIBRATIONS that take me to another world[2], and YES(!) ... uh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till we feel better with the blues[1], and Christ! there are some weird souls ... with no brains, no brains, no brains[2], and I had to do a Sage accounts course once, ha! ... but I hated it, really hated it[1], and YES(!) ... uh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till we feel better with the blues[2], and PROFIT(!) or LOSS(!) don't matter, son/daughter, no, no, no ... / Robert Johnson knew all about loss ...[1], and I had to do a Sage accounts course once, ha! ... but I hated it, really hated it[2], and ha! ... just imagine if Little Walter did your accounts![1], and PROFIT(!) or LOSS(!) don't matter, son/daughter, no, no, no ... / Robert Johnson knew all about loss ...[2], and YOU(!) ... know you can gain the world and lose your soul ... oh, it's quite a common thing[1], and ha! ... just imagine if Little Walter did your accounts![2], and electric riffs are what matter[1], and YOU(!) ... know you can gain the world and lose your soul ... oh, it's quite a common thing[2], and here I am ... in my world / and I made it, and I want to share it with EVERYONE[1], and electric riffs are what matter[2], and please ... remember Blind Banker Jefferson!!![1], and here I am ... in my world / and I made it, and I want to share it with EVERYONE[2], and Eric or Angus or Mikey ... it's the blues feeling that matters, you dig?[3], and please ... remember Blind Banker Jefferson!!![2], and I got my Telecaster, man, and I'm all DIZZY(!) and HIGH(!) - and what the accountants got?![3], and what YOU(!) got? please tell me / and a-ROUND together we can feel it ...[3], and I can't understand why someone, anyone, would prefer the nightmare of ... accountancy!!![3], and fingers on the fretboard or numbers on the brain - which would YOU(!) choose?[3], and some might say, When you're as rich as Eric ...[3], and MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING[3], and THEY(!) so dead ... can't buy the BLUES VIBRATIONS that take me to another world[3], and Christ! there are some weird souls ... with no brains, no brains, no brains[3], and YES(!) ... uh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till we feel better with the blues[3], and I had to do a Sage accounts course once, ha! ... but I hated it, really hated it[3], and PROFIT(!) or LOSS(!) don't matter, son/daughter, no, no, no ... / Robert Johnson knew all about loss ...[3], and ha! ... just imagine if Little Walter did your accounts![3], and YOU(!) ... know you can gain the world and lose your soul ... oh, it's quite a common thing[3], and electric riffs are what matter[3], and here I am ... in my world / and I made it, and I want to share it with EVERYONE[3], and please ... remember Blind Banker Jefferson!!![3], and

Eric Clapton ... Clapton Consultants?!

Right, this might be a bit confusing. I've got two PR emails to deal with, to make sense of, and - 'I'm already confused, me!' Shut up, Voice! For fuck's sake!

Eric Clapton? I don't know where to start. 'Just quote the stuff, boss.' All right. Our Eric says: The pension changes have presented professional advisers with either a major challenge or a major opportunity, depending on how they have adapted themselves to the new flexibilities afforded to clients. I have launched Clapton Consultants with the aim of helping small accountancy firms and IFAs navigate their way through the challenges in today's market by expanding and diversifying their offering as much as possible to meet with current demand.

WTF?! I'll say it again ... WTF?!?! / Eric, son, what are you doing?! What is this all about?! 'It's insane, Mikey! Why can't our Eric stick to blues-based rock guitar? That's what he's good at.' Shut up, Voice! I'm trying to think here.

Obviously, our Eric has lost his mind. 'Ha!' I'm almost ... speechless. Almost. 'There's more, boss. Some bird called Cathy.' What?! 'See if you can dig this: We are absolutely delighted that Eric has taken on the role of Chairman with Greenstone. He has a wealth of experience both in terms of managing successful businesses and working closely with the Regulator and other professionals. [?!] Eric's guidance will undoubtedly prove invaluable to us as we continue to develop relationships with accountants and to pursue our vision of building a business which provides insightful and strategic, highly personalised financial advice to clients.' Christ! 'What is Greenstone, man?' I don't know, man. But I tell you, I don't dig it. I don't dig any of it!

Let's move on. Er ... the other email. Private equity specialist Calculus Capital has made a multi-million-pound investment in Bedford-based Mologic, a developer of cutting-edge point-of-care diagnostic devices that help patients manage their own conditions. The £3m investment aims to enable Mologic to commercialise innovative medical diagnostic technology, carry out clinical trials and obtain CE Mark regulatory approval (denoting compliance with European Union standards) and other regulatory approvals as needed in international markets beyond the EU, to take products to market.

Well, well ... I just, I'm sorry, dear reader(s), I'm still trying to get my head around the great Eric Clapton making the move into accountancy.

Ah, that's enough!!!

...

Music? 'Music!' Yeah, give me a moment ... / Oh, I'm going to put some Clapton on BECAUSE(!) ... I want to remember him the way he was, you know? 'Such a shame ...' The Beano album. On low though. I'm listening out for a delivery.

Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Colin Brockman is the new head of intermediary distribution at Investec

Yeah, he replaces Gary Dale. [A promotion! 'I'm sure he deserves it.'] Anyone remember Gary Dale? 'I do, boss.' Well, so do I, Voice. I remember his hair, anyway. 'Who could forget his hair?!' Er ... no one. 'Oh, it's Investec Structured Products, boss.' What is? 'You know, the thing ...' What are you talking about? Investec is enough. People know what I mean.

Well, well ... / I'm looking at Colin Brockman's LinkedIn profile. He has a nice, cheerful face. [Probably not a Leonard Cohen fan.] The "information", such as it is, is ... interesting. Very interesting. A psychologist would make a lot of it. 'Why?' Because he doesn't mention himself, man! It's utterly bizarre. See if you can dig this [or not dig]: We offer a wide range of consistently available Structured Deposits and Structured Investments, together with open-ended income and growth funds, that match a variety of client risk and return profiles. These solutions are available to the intermediated, discretionary and institutional markets and can be tailored to meet even greater specific needs. Since launch in 2008, Investec have been voted Best Structured Products Provider 14 times by 6 different industry bodies.

'How strange!' Yeah. Self-effacing doesn't begin to describe it! 'Maybe you should sign in to LinkedIn, boss.' Why? 'Colin might have written something "personal" ... inside.' Oh, right. Personal. Inside. Ha! But I'm not a member, Voice. I don't know if I'll ever be a member. 'Shame. / It's your loss. You're cutting yourself off from a world of opportunity.' Oh, I doubt it.

'Er ... hang on! He likes golf. Our Colin likes golf, man!' Jesus! That's not personal. Show me a finance type who doesn't like golf. Then I'll listen. I mean, that would be impressive, that would.

...

Ah, that's enough. For Christ's sake! It's only Tuesday.

Anything else? 'Politics?' Politics! Ha! I've never laughed so much in my life. 'At what?' George Osborne on Sky News last night. The big, fascist baby was almost in tears. 'Oh, cut him some slack, boss. He was upset.' Yes, I know. GOOD!!! A lot of people are upset in this country, and their only crime is being poor.

Music? I'm listening to .. nothing! / It's my music I'm worried about. I think that courier lost my Zoom H2n Handy Recorder. I'm giving them time to find it, but I may have to go for the nuclear option. 'What's that, Mikey?' A blog post directed at their chief executive. 'Shit!' Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Monday, 26 October 2015

Amplitude Capital? [Amplitude Vivace?!]

Er ... it's too early on a cold winter Monday morning for new hedge funds, but - 'Is Amplitude Capital new, boss?' No. 'Oh.' They're launching a new hedge fund, Voice, if you'll let me finish ... 'Okay.' Thank you!

Yes, dear reader(s) [For whom I'm writing this blog, after all. I wouldn't be writing for some halfwit disembodied voice, would I? 'You would if you were nuts, man. Besides, I always thought you wrote for yourself.' Shut up!] Amplitude Capital is, let me see ... Amplitude is a lean organization that concentrates all its efforts on in-house research and development. Our programs seek to provide a good level of downside protection for beta or beta-correlated strategies and a high degree of diversification within the CTA space. 'Great! [I'm none the wiser, dear reader(s)]' / Anyway, Amplitude is launching [er, Swiss-based, I forgot to tell YOU(!)] Amplitude Vivace!!! Yes! It's going to have a cash equity strategy, whatever that is. Oh, I think they're based in Switzerland. 'You've already said that.' Have I? Well, it's Monday morning.

I'm not even in the best of moods, to tell you the truth, reader(s). Uh, I won't go into all of the details ... 'It's just life getting you down.' Yes, I suppose. 'Maybe some music will cheer you up.' Leonard Cohen? 'No, Mikey, not Leonard Cohen.' The sun is shining! 'Well, put some sunny music on then.' All right, hang on ...

Endless Summer. A Beach Boys compilation! 'Don't get carried away, boss!' No, this is fine, Voice. It's great, in fact. Come on, baby, come surfing with me! 'Whatever.'

Nice guitar playing on these early songs. Glen Campbell played some of it. 'The surfing cowboy?! Don't be ridiculous!' It's true! He definitely plays on Fun, Fun, Fun.

Oh, I've forgotten all about Amplitude Capital. [They don't need me!] And I'm feeling the warmth of the sun. 'Are you happy yet?' I'm getting there. / It's amazing how you can change your "state" if you really want to. Tony Robbins knows a thing or two ...

Well, well ... / Er ... Catch a wave and you're sitting on top of the world!!! ... That's the moral of this blog post, dear reader(s). So, take a lesson from a top-notch surfer boy. 'Er ...' Yes!

I wouldn't mind watching American Graffiti now. Maybe tonight, after the day's work, guitar playing. 'Or even better ... Big Wednesday - ?' It may be a surfing film, Voice, but it's not a great film, in my opinion. Point Break is much better.

One final thing: Be true to your hedge fund, just like you would to your girl, guys. That's my advice. 'Right.'

'Lunch?' I don't know. Probably a cheese sandwich. 'No surprises!' I don't like surprises, man.

Laters.

Thursday, 22 October 2015

You're crazy ...

Oh, absolutely crazy! ... if you think I'm writing about finance in my last post of the week. Sure, most weeks I do, but some weeks I don't. (This is one of those weeks.) You've got to learn to take the rough with the smooth, dear reader(s). Like me! I mean, I was looking forward to the pub tomorrow, yeah? Even if it was just going to be a couple of Cokes. (Because of my migraines.) Unfortunately, the telephone people are messing about with the poles outside and I'll have to stay in now, also - 'Why, Mikey?!' To keep an eye on them, man. And they might knock on the front door. 'For a mug of tea?' They're not getting a mug of tea, the slags!

And, er ... I'm also waiting for a delivery, which should have come today, but it didn't. (The courier has bad reviews online. Slags!) A mini recording studio! Only £85. I'm getting it cheap, but it's brand new. 'Oh, that handy zoom thing.' What? It's a Zoom H2n Handy Recorder, thank you very much, Voice. 'Whatever.' It should help me with my songs, reader(s). Either at home or in a rehearsal studio. (Depending on the background noises, you dig?) And, er ...

Ah, that's enough! I'm always knackered by Thursday night. It's a good job the weekend has started. 'Has it?!' YES!!!

[No. 360] DIZZY(!) Paul Kelly

It's the only way.

And I hope this helps ...[1], and until our Paul has settled in at Bordier, we'll have to keep him DIZZY(!) to take his mind off the wasters[1], and I hope this helps ...[2], and ... 'Where is he, Mikey?'[1], and until our Paul has settled in at Bordier, we'll have to keep him DIZZY(!) to take his mind off the wasters[2], and live and let live? It's an alien philosophy to some ...[1], and ... 'Where is he, Mikey?'[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, spinner(s), try to forget and there is no pain, uh[1], and live and let live? It's an alien philosophy to some ...[2], and roll with me, please![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, spinner(s), try to forget and there is no pain, uh[2], and I guess I'll have to say it again: Aviva Investors is a refuge from the modern world - !!![1], and roll with me, please![2], and Paul hates ice cream?!?! / and Paul hates Stella lager?!?![1], and I guess I'll have to say it again: Aviva Investors is a refuge from the modern world - !!![2], and they don't know, ah, the SQUARES(!) of the world, all of them(!), that it's the future of finance[1], and Paul hates ice cream?!?! / and Paul hates Stella lager?!?![2], and ... 'Where is he?!'[1], and they don't know, ah, the SQUARES(!) of the world, all of them(!), that it's the future of finance[2], and a-ROUND beyond the THREE? 'Ha!' No, no, no ... DIZZY(!) is(will be) enough[1], and ... 'Where is he?!'[2], and I'm shaking ...[1], and a-ROUND beyond the THREE? 'Ha!' No, no, no ... DIZZY(!) is(will be) enough[2], and a VISION!!! / ... our Paul, a circle, peering out, and - is that a pink shirt?! but cold words: very hard working[1], and I'm shaking ...[2], and ... such COLD WORDS for the Aviva Investors mob, oblivious in the pub ...[1], and a VISION!!! / ... our Paul, a circle, peering out, and - is that a pink shirt?! but cold words: very hard working[2], and here he is ... LARGE AS LIFE![1], and ... such COLD WORDS for the Aviva Investors mob, oblivious in the pub ...[2], and out of a vision, and into a conceptual ... / Yes, I willed it! / Man, that's the power I have![1], and here he is ... LARGE AS LIFE![2], and goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ... oh, HELLO![1], and out of a vision, and into a conceptual ... / Yes, I willed it! / Man, that's the power I have![2], and I hope this helps ...[3], and goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ... oh, HELLO![2], and until our Paul has settled in at Bordier, we'll have to keep him DIZZY(!) to take his mind off the wasters[3], and ... 'Where is he, Mikey?'[3], and live and let live? It's an alien philosophy to some ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, spinner(s), try to forget and there is no pain, uh[3], and roll with me, please![3], and I guess I'll have to say it again: Aviva Investors is a refuge from the modern world - !!![3], and Paul hates ice cream?!?! / and Paul hates Stella lager?!?![3], and they don't know, ah, the SQUARES(!) of the world, all of them(!), that it's the future of finance[3], and ... 'Where is he?!'[3], and a-ROUND beyond the THREE? 'Ha!' No, no, no ... DIZZY(!) is(will be) enough[3], and I'm shaking ...[3], and a VISION!!! / ... our Paul, a circle, peering out, and - is that a pink shirt?! but cold words: very hard working[3], and ... such COLD WORDS for the Aviva Investors mob, oblivious in the pub ...[3], and here he is ... LARGE AS LIFE![3], and out of a vision, and into a conceptual ... / Yes, I willed it! / Man, that's the power I have![3], and goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ... oh, HELLO![3], and

And I hope this helps ...[1], and until our Paul has settled in at Bordier, we'll have to keep him DIZZY(!) to take his mind off the wasters[1], and I hope this helps ...[2], and ... 'Where is he, Mikey?'[1], and until our Paul has settled in at Bordier, we'll have to keep him DIZZY(!) to take his mind off the wasters[2], and live and let live? It's an alien philosophy to some ...[1], and ... 'Where is he, Mikey?'[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, spinner(s), try to forget and there is no pain, uh[1], and live and let live? It's an alien philosophy to some ...[2], and roll with me, please![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, spinner(s), try to forget and there is no pain, uh[2], and I guess I'll have to say it again: Aviva Investors is a refuge from the modern world - !!![1], and roll with me, please![2], and Paul hates ice cream?!?! / and Paul hates Stella lager?!?![1], and I guess I'll have to say it again: Aviva Investors is a refuge from the modern world - !!![2], and they don't know, ah, the SQUARES(!) of the world, all of them(!), that it's the future of finance[1], and Paul hates ice cream?!?! / and Paul hates Stella lager?!?![2], and ... 'Where is he?!'[1], and they don't know, ah, the SQUARES(!) of the world, all of them(!), that it's the future of finance[2], and a-ROUND beyond the THREE? 'Ha!' No, no, no ... DIZZY(!) is(will be) enough[1], and ... 'Where is he?!'[2], and I'm shaking ...[1], and a-ROUND beyond the THREE? 'Ha!' No, no, no ... DIZZY(!) is(will be) enough[2], and a VISION!!! / ... our Paul, a circle, peering out, and - is that a pink shirt?! but cold words: very hard working[1], and I'm shaking ...[2], and ... such COLD WORDS for the Aviva Investors mob, oblivious in the pub ...[1], and a VISION!!! / ... our Paul, a circle, peering out, and - is that a pink shirt?! but cold words: very hard working[2], and here he is ... LARGE AS LIFE![1], and ... such COLD WORDS for the Aviva Investors mob, oblivious in the pub ...[2], and out of a vision, and into a conceptual ... / Yes, I willed it! / Man, that's the power I have![1], and here he is ... LARGE AS LIFE![2], and goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ... oh, HELLO![1], and out of a vision, and into a conceptual ... / Yes, I willed it! / Man, that's the power I have![2], and I hope this helps ...[3], and goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ... oh, HELLO![2], and until our Paul has settled in at Bordier, we'll have to keep him DIZZY(!) to take his mind off the wasters[3], and ... 'Where is he, Mikey?'[3], and live and let live? It's an alien philosophy to some ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, spinner(s), try to forget and there is no pain, uh[3], and roll with me, please![3], and I guess I'll have to say it again: Aviva Investors is a refuge from the modern world - !!![3], and Paul hates ice cream?!?! / and Paul hates Stella lager?!?![3], and they don't know, ah, the SQUARES(!) of the world, all of them(!), that it's the future of finance[3], and ... 'Where is he?!'[3], and a-ROUND beyond the THREE? 'Ha!' No, no, no ... DIZZY(!) is(will be) enough[3], and I'm shaking ...[3], and a VISION!!! / ... our Paul, a circle, peering out, and - is that a pink shirt?! but cold words: very hard working[3], and ... such COLD WORDS for the Aviva Investors mob, oblivious in the pub ...[3], and here he is ... LARGE AS LIFE![3], and out of a vision, and into a conceptual ... / Yes, I willed it! / Man, that's the power I have![3], and goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ... oh, HELLO![3], and

And I hope this helps ...[1], and until our Paul has settled in at Bordier, we'll have to keep him DIZZY(!) to take his mind off the wasters[1], and I hope this helps ...[2], and ... 'Where is he, Mikey?'[1], and until our Paul has settled in at Bordier, we'll have to keep him DIZZY(!) to take his mind off the wasters[2], and live and let live? It's an alien philosophy to some ...[1], and ... 'Where is he, Mikey?'[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, spinner(s), try to forget and there is no pain, uh[1], and live and let live? It's an alien philosophy to some ...[2], and roll with me, please![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, spinner(s), try to forget and there is no pain, uh[2], and I guess I'll have to say it again: Aviva Investors is a refuge from the modern world - !!![1], and roll with me, please![2], and Paul hates ice cream?!?! / and Paul hates Stella lager?!?![1], and I guess I'll have to say it again: Aviva Investors is a refuge from the modern world - !!![2], and they don't know, ah, the SQUARES(!) of the world, all of them(!), that it's the future of finance[1], and Paul hates ice cream?!?! / and Paul hates Stella lager?!?![2], and ... 'Where is he?!'[1], and they don't know, ah, the SQUARES(!) of the world, all of them(!), that it's the future of finance[2], and a-ROUND beyond the THREE? 'Ha!' No, no, no ... DIZZY(!) is(will be) enough[1], and ... 'Where is he?!'[2], and I'm shaking ...[1], and a-ROUND beyond the THREE? 'Ha!' No, no, no ... DIZZY(!) is(will be) enough[2], and a VISION!!! / ... our Paul, a circle, peering out, and - is that a pink shirt?! but cold words: very hard working[1], and I'm shaking ...[2], and ... such COLD WORDS for the Aviva Investors mob, oblivious in the pub ...[1], and a VISION!!! / ... our Paul, a circle, peering out, and - is that a pink shirt?! but cold words: very hard working[2], and here he is ... LARGE AS LIFE![1], and ... such COLD WORDS for the Aviva Investors mob, oblivious in the pub ...[2], and out of a vision, and into a conceptual ... / Yes, I willed it! / Man, that's the power I have![1], and here he is ... LARGE AS LIFE![2], and goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ... oh, HELLO![1], and out of a vision, and into a conceptual ... / Yes, I willed it! / Man, that's the power I have![2], and I hope this helps ...[3], and goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ... oh, HELLO![2], and until our Paul has settled in at Bordier, we'll have to keep him DIZZY(!) to take his mind off the wasters[3], and ... 'Where is he, Mikey?'[3], and live and let live? It's an alien philosophy to some ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, spinner(s), try to forget and there is no pain, uh[3], and roll with me, please![3], and I guess I'll have to say it again: Aviva Investors is a refuge from the modern world - !!![3], and Paul hates ice cream?!?! / and Paul hates Stella lager?!?![3], and they don't know, ah, the SQUARES(!) of the world, all of them(!), that it's the future of finance[3], and ... 'Where is he?!'[3], and a-ROUND beyond the THREE? 'Ha!' No, no, no ... DIZZY(!) is(will be) enough[3], and I'm shaking ...[3], and a VISION!!! / ... our Paul, a circle, peering out, and - is that a pink shirt?! but cold words: very hard working[3], and ... such COLD WORDS for the Aviva Investors mob, oblivious in the pub ...[3], and here he is ... LARGE AS LIFE![3], and out of a vision, and into a conceptual ... / Yes, I willed it! / Man, that's the power I have![3], and goodbye, goodbye, goodbye ... oh, HELLO![3], and

Paul Kelly has joined Bordier as business development manager

Bordier? Er ... The name may be new to some, but Bordier & Cie (UK) PLC is the product of a long relationship between a contemporary British boutique and a grand old Swiss bank. While an understated approach is common to both the British and the Swiss characters, Bordier (UK) manages to differentiate itself through a combination of the best elements of European and British private client investment management. Well, er ... 'Bordier, boss?' I've never heard of them, Voice. It's a total mystery to me.

However, I know Paul Kelly. (He's an old friend of mine. A personal friend, a dear friend. Uh ...) And I know he's still upset about ... Aviva Investors. 'Oh dear. / Shit! Did he work for Aviva Investors then?' No. He worked for Schroders. 'I understand.'

Paul phoned me earlier this morning. This is what was spoken between us: "You all right, Mikey? (Yeah, I'm okay. You?) Not really. (Oh.) Just thought I'd call you, you know? (What's the problem, Paul?) Aviva Investors. (But you left Schroders in June, man!) Yeah, but I'm still bitter. (You've got to let it go.) We did all their work, Mikey! Managed their funds, all the sales, the business development. And what were they doing? (They were in the pub, drinking Stellas. Or in the park, sitting on the grass, eating ice cream. It's the way they are. You won't change them.) It's not fair. (Life isn't fair, son. / Is that why you left Schroders?) Of course it is! I'm not a mug. I don't see why Schroders should have to do all its own work, which is more than enough, believe me ... and then take care of all the Aviva Investors work because they're too fucking lazy to do anything for themselves! (Well, it's not that they're lazy, Paul. They've rejected capitalism.) Oh, right. I see. Ha! Let's all reject capitalism, yeah? Let's all run around, holding hands, and singing songs, and hope that the magic money tree doesn't - (Paul! You're making yourself ill, man. Will you just leave it?! You're at Bordier now. The nightmare is over.)"

Well, dear reader(s), the conversation went on like that for a while. I just hope ... 'He sounds totally traumatized, boss.' He is! That's why I'm going to write a conceptual for him, No. 360, to make him feel better. 'Lunch?' After lunch. 'Yeah, what are you having?' Oh, the usual. Cheese sandwich. / Laters ...

Wednesday, 21 October 2015

[No. 359] Fried egg eyes

I ain't scared of you, Satan!

And, uh, man, you come to me in nightmares with fried egg eyes for everyone ... WTF?! / I am not afraid[1], and here we are[1], and, uh, man, you come to me in nightmares with fried egg eyes for everyone ... WTF?! / I am not afraid[2], and you've tried EVERYTHING!!! / oh, when are you going to give up?[1], and here we are[2], and God is on my side ... on my home ground[1], and you've tried EVERYTHING!!! / oh, when are you going to give up?[2], and how are you coping, with me in control? / ... / and your demons have fallen away ...[1], and God is on my side ... on my home ground[2], and feeling sick? Jesus! DIZZY(!) goes with the territory ... / ah, I'm so sorry ...[1], and how are you coping, with me in control? / ... / and your demons have fallen away ...[2], and you gotta hold on!!![1], and feeling sick? Jesus! DIZZY(!) goes with the territory ... / ah, I'm so sorry ...[2], and this is my revenge ... a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, yes, for eternity![1], and you gotta hold on!!![2], and ... / What were you thinking of?![1], and this is my revenge ... a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, yes, for eternity![2], and a-ROUND here NOW(!)... in my world, in my reality? / 'You've got him on the ropes, Mikey!' / Not happy, are you, Satan?[1], and ... / What were you thinking of?![2], and we all make mistakes ... shit, the chaos, BUT(!) I've paid for my peccadilloes[1], and a-ROUND here NOW(!)... in my world, in my reality? / 'You've got him on the ropes, Mikey!' / Not happy, are you, Satan?[2], and JESUS(!!!) loves me, yes! / Deal with it ...[1], and we all make mistakes ... shit, the chaos, BUT(!) I've paid for my peccadilloes[2], and I would never dream of taking fried eggs to an enemy's nightmare / You're a fucking loser, son!!![1], and JESUS(!!!) loves me, yes! / Deal with it ...[2], and three in the morning?!?! Ain't you got nothing better to do?[1], and I would never dream of taking fried eggs to an enemy's nightmare / You're a fucking loser, son!!![2], and I have to get up at half six, yeah? Some of us have to work for a living ... you prick!!![1], and three in the morning?!?! Ain't you got nothing better to do?[2], and we can't all take it easy in the bowels of hell[1], and I have to get up at half six, yeah? Some of us have to work for a living ... you prick!!![2], and I don't ever ... want you bothering me again with your lame attempts at horror, you understand?[1], and we can't all take it easy in the bowels of hell[2], and sympathy for the moron, spinner(s)? No, not really ... I suppose I pity him[1], and I don't ever ... want you bothering me again with your lame attempts at horror, you understand?[2], and, well ... my anger subsides[1], and sympathy for the moron, spinner(s)? No, not really ... I suppose I pity him[2], and, uh, man, you come to me in nightmares with fried egg eyes for everyone ... WTF?! / I am not afraid[3], and, well ... my anger subsides[2], and here we are[3], and you've tried EVERYTHING!!! / oh, when are you going to give up?[3], and God is on my side ... on my home ground[3], and how are you coping, with me in control? / ... / and your demons have fallen away ...[3], and feeling sick? Jesus! DIZZY(!) goes with the territory ... / ah, I'm so sorry ...[3], and you gotta hold on!!![3], and this is my revenge ... a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, yes, for eternity![3], and ... / What were you thinking of?![3], and a-ROUND here NOW(!)... in my world, in my reality? / 'You've got him on the ropes, Mikey!' / Not happy, are you, Satan?[3], and we all make mistakes ... shit, the chaos, BUT(!) I've paid for my peccadilloes[3], and JESUS(!!!) loves me, yes! / Deal with it ...[3], and I would never dream of taking fried eggs to an enemy's nightmare / You're a fucking loser, son!!![3], and three in the morning?!?! Ain't you got nothing better to do?[3], and I have to get up at half six, yeah? Some of us have to work for a living ... you prick!!![3], and we can't all take it easy in the bowels of hell[3], and I don't ever ... want you bothering me again with your lame attempts at horror, you understand?[3], and sympathy for the moron, spinner(s)? No, not really ... I suppose I pity him[3], and, well ... my anger subsides[3], and

And, uh, man, you come to me in nightmares with fried egg eyes for everyone ... WTF?! / I am not afraid[1], and here we are[1], and, uh, man, you come to me in nightmares with fried egg eyes for everyone ... WTF?! / I am not afraid[2], and you've tried EVERYTHING!!! / oh, when are you going to give up?[1], and here we are[2], and God is on my side ... on my home ground[1], and you've tried EVERYTHING!!! / oh, when are you going to give up?[2], and how are you coping, with me in control? / ... / and your demons have fallen away ...[1], and God is on my side ... on my home ground[2], and feeling sick? Jesus! DIZZY(!) goes with the territory ... / ah, I'm so sorry ...[1], and how are you coping, with me in control? / ... / and your demons have fallen away ...[2], and you gotta hold on!!![1], and feeling sick? Jesus! DIZZY(!) goes with the territory ... / ah, I'm so sorry ...[2], and this is my revenge ... a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, yes, for eternity![1], and you gotta hold on!!![2], and ... / What were you thinking of?![1], and this is my revenge ... a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, yes, for eternity![2], and a-ROUND here NOW(!)... in my world, in my reality? / 'You've got him on the ropes, Mikey!' / Not happy, are you, Satan?[1], and ... / What were you thinking of?![2], and we all make mistakes ... shit, the chaos, BUT(!) I've paid for my peccadilloes[1], and a-ROUND here NOW(!)... in my world, in my reality? / 'You've got him on the ropes, Mikey!' / Not happy, are you, Satan?[2], and JESUS(!!!) loves me, yes! / Deal with it ...[1], and we all make mistakes ... shit, the chaos, BUT(!) I've paid for my peccadilloes[2], and I would never dream of taking fried eggs to an enemy's nightmare / You're a fucking loser, son!!![1], and JESUS(!!!) loves me, yes! / Deal with it ...[2], and three in the morning?!?! Ain't you got nothing better to do?[1], and I would never dream of taking fried eggs to an enemy's nightmare / You're a fucking loser, son!!![2], and I have to get up at half six, yeah? Some of us have to work for a living ... you prick!!![1], and three in the morning?!?! Ain't you got nothing better to do?[2], and we can't all take it easy in the bowels of hell[1], and I have to get up at half six, yeah? Some of us have to work for a living ... you prick!!![2], and I don't ever ... want you bothering me again with your lame attempts at horror, you understand?[1], and we can't all take it easy in the bowels of hell[2], and sympathy for the moron, spinner(s)? No, not really ... I suppose I pity him[1], and I don't ever ... want you bothering me again with your lame attempts at horror, you understand?[2], and, well ... my anger subsides[1], and sympathy for the moron, spinner(s)? No, not really ... I suppose I pity him[2], and, uh, man, you come to me in nightmares with fried egg eyes for everyone ... WTF?! / I am not afraid[3], and, well ... my anger subsides[2], and here we are[3], and you've tried EVERYTHING!!! / oh, when are you going to give up?[3], and God is on my side ... on my home ground[3], and how are you coping, with me in control? / ... / and your demons have fallen away ...[3], and feeling sick? Jesus! DIZZY(!) goes with the territory ... / ah, I'm so sorry ...[3], and you gotta hold on!!![3], and this is my revenge ... a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, yes, for eternity![3], and ... / What were you thinking of?![3], and a-ROUND here NOW(!)... in my world, in my reality? / 'You've got him on the ropes, Mikey!' / Not happy, are you, Satan?[3], and we all make mistakes ... shit, the chaos, BUT(!) I've paid for my peccadilloes[3], and JESUS(!!!) loves me, yes! / Deal with it ...[3], and I would never dream of taking fried eggs to an enemy's nightmare / You're a fucking loser, son!!![3], and three in the morning?!?! Ain't you got nothing better to do?[3], and I have to get up at half six, yeah? Some of us have to work for a living ... you prick!!![3], and we can't all take it easy in the bowels of hell[3], and I don't ever ... want you bothering me again with your lame attempts at horror, you understand?[3], and sympathy for the moron, spinner(s)? No, not really ... I suppose I pity him[3], and, well ... my anger subsides[3], and

And, uh, man, you come to me in nightmares with fried egg eyes for everyone ... WTF?! / I am not afraid[1], and here we are[1], and, uh, man, you come to me in nightmares with fried egg eyes for everyone ... WTF?! / I am not afraid[2], and you've tried EVERYTHING!!! / oh, when are you going to give up?[1], and here we are[2], and God is on my side ... on my home ground[1], and you've tried EVERYTHING!!! / oh, when are you going to give up?[2], and how are you coping, with me in control? / ... / and your demons have fallen away ...[1], and God is on my side ... on my home ground[2], and feeling sick? Jesus! DIZZY(!) goes with the territory ... / ah, I'm so sorry ...[1], and how are you coping, with me in control? / ... / and your demons have fallen away ...[2], and you gotta hold on!!![1], and feeling sick? Jesus! DIZZY(!) goes with the territory ... / ah, I'm so sorry ...[2], and this is my revenge ... a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, yes, for eternity![1], and you gotta hold on!!![2], and ... / What were you thinking of?![1], and this is my revenge ... a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, yes, for eternity![2], and a-ROUND here NOW(!)... in my world, in my reality? / 'You've got him on the ropes, Mikey!' / Not happy, are you, Satan?[1], and ... / What were you thinking of?![2], and we all make mistakes ... shit, the chaos, BUT(!) I've paid for my peccadilloes[1], and a-ROUND here NOW(!)... in my world, in my reality? / 'You've got him on the ropes, Mikey!' / Not happy, are you, Satan?[2], and JESUS(!!!) loves me, yes! / Deal with it ...[1], and we all make mistakes ... shit, the chaos, BUT(!) I've paid for my peccadilloes[2], and I would never dream of taking fried eggs to an enemy's nightmare / You're a fucking loser, son!!![1], and JESUS(!!!) loves me, yes! / Deal with it ...[2], and three in the morning?!?! Ain't you got nothing better to do?[1], and I would never dream of taking fried eggs to an enemy's nightmare / You're a fucking loser, son!!![2], and I have to get up at half six, yeah? Some of us have to work for a living ... you prick!!![1], and three in the morning?!?! Ain't you got nothing better to do?[2], and we can't all take it easy in the bowels of hell[1], and I have to get up at half six, yeah? Some of us have to work for a living ... you prick!!![2], and I don't ever ... want you bothering me again with your lame attempts at horror, you understand?[1], and we can't all take it easy in the bowels of hell[2], and sympathy for the moron, spinner(s)? No, not really ... I suppose I pity him[1], and I don't ever ... want you bothering me again with your lame attempts at horror, you understand?[2], and, well ... my anger subsides[1], and sympathy for the moron, spinner(s)? No, not really ... I suppose I pity him[2], and, uh, man, you come to me in nightmares with fried egg eyes for everyone ... WTF?! / I am not afraid[3], and, well ... my anger subsides[2], and here we are[3], and you've tried EVERYTHING!!! / oh, when are you going to give up?[3], and God is on my side ... on my home ground[3], and how are you coping, with me in control? / ... / and your demons have fallen away ...[3], and feeling sick? Jesus! DIZZY(!) goes with the territory ... / ah, I'm so sorry ...[3], and you gotta hold on!!![3], and this is my revenge ... a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and, yes, for eternity![3], and ... / What were you thinking of?![3], and a-ROUND here NOW(!)... in my world, in my reality? / 'You've got him on the ropes, Mikey!' / Not happy, are you, Satan?[3], and we all make mistakes ... shit, the chaos, BUT(!) I've paid for my peccadilloes[3], and JESUS(!!!) loves me, yes! / Deal with it ...[3], and I would never dream of taking fried eggs to an enemy's nightmare / You're a fucking loser, son!!![3], and three in the morning?!?! Ain't you got nothing better to do?[3], and I have to get up at half six, yeah? Some of us have to work for a living ... you prick!!![3], and we can't all take it easy in the bowels of hell[3], and I don't ever ... want you bothering me again with your lame attempts at horror, you understand?[3], and sympathy for the moron, spinner(s)? No, not really ... I suppose I pity him[3], and, well ... my anger subsides[3], and

Who is Frederic Janbon?

'Good question! Do you know the answer?' I've got a gut feeling that he might be French, this Janbon. 'Well done, boss! He is French. Your instincts are amazing!' I don't like to boast, Voice. However, I am the world's foremost financial shaman. Guys like me ... [er, there's no one like me] ... don't come out of a Christmas cracker, you know. It takes years of devotion, meditation, wandering in the desert, wandering in the City, and, finally, lots of spinning a-ROUND in numerous conceptual posts. NOW, I'm ready for ANYTHING!!! 'Even this Janbon? What else do you think you know about him?' Ha! Let's deal with this Janbon, dear reader(s), then we can get DIZZY(!). [Yes, kooks, you know you're always welcome ...] / Er ... 'This Janbon?'

All right. Let's go! / Frederic Janbon is the new chief executive of BNP Paribas Investment Partners, which you'll be pleased to hear is a part of the BNP Paribas Group. 'Says who?!' Says, hang on, Jean-Laurent Bonnafe. 'Another French guy, no doubt.' Well, yes. He's the chief executive of BNP Paribas Group. 'Great!' Apparently, he's delighted that, er ... never mind. 'What, boss?' It doesn't matter, Voice. 'Oh, come on, man, tell us!' Well, I was going to say that Jean was delighted about this Janbon becoming the head of the asset management division, but I can't find any evidence of that. 'Oh.' No, in the press release our Jean merely witters on about their growth strategy and clients. No mention of poor Janbon. [?!]

BUT(!) ... what does Bloomberg say?! 'Ha! Do you really want to know? Maybe you should stick to LinkedIn.' I've looked at LinkedIn. It's a fake profile. So ... WHAT DOES BLOOMBERG SAY?! 'Are you ready for this, boss?' Lay it on me, baby. 'Bloomberg says: This person is connected to 24 board members in 1 different organizations across 2 different industries.' Oh. Well, I guess it's an improvement on: This person is connected to 0 board members in 0 different organizations across 0 different industries. 'It still doesn't tell us much though, does it?' That's Bloomberg, man. Take it or leave it. They don't care. It's too much like hard work doing anything else.

...

Anything else? Oh, I'm not afraid of hard work! After lunch, after my cheese sandwich, I'll be getting DIZZY(!) again. 'A normal Wednesday afternoon and evening, Mikey. No. 359?' Yes, I should think so.

Music? I'm listening to Jackson Browne, my three favourite songs of his on repeat, Late for the Sky, and Jamaica, Say You Will, and Rock Me on the Water. [The first one from a classic scene in Taxi Driver - when De Niro is watching the dancers on TV.]

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Deutsche Bank in $6 billion fat finger disaster!

Oh dear. This has happened a few times now. These banks have got to stop employing people with fat fingers. 'They can't discriminate, boss.' Well, I've got a solution, Voice. I'm cleverer than you think. 'Oh.' All the banks have got to do is study the "hobbies and interests" section of the CVs of the misguided souls who are looking for work in finance, and ... [drum roll] ... 'Er ... hire all the drummers?' No, you fucking idiot! Hire all the guitar players! 'Oh, right.' Most guitar players have nice slim fingers. 'Well, most, Mikey, but what about B.B. King?' Er ... he's dead, man. 'Yeah, but he had fat fingers. I mean, he couldn't play chords.' Are you fucking serious?! Christ! At the interview stage, the banks can ask if the candidate can play chords. It's no big deal. 'I just don't think it will work.' Listen, they've got to try something. Banks are losing billions. Deutsche Bank lost $6 billion, yeah? Gave it all away to some goddamn hedge fund - as if it needed the money, which is another joke, man! Where was I when all this free money was being doled out by the fat fingers of some cretin? 'Probably too busy playing your guitar, for your sins.' Ha! Knowing my luck.

Oh, dear reader(s), I think Deutsche got the money back the next day, but that's not the point. 'What is the point, boss?' Why take the risk? I'm offering a simple solution here, and I'm sure a lot of banks will pick up on it ...

However, it's their funeral if they don't. Why should I care? Some people have got more money than sense.

...

Guitar? I might as well. It seems to be the theme of this post. 'Guitar!' / Someone said the guitar doesn't change, we change. 'Tommy Emmanuel?' Yes, I think it was him. Well, I know exactly what he means. I got so depressed this Sunday after playing some absolutely shocking lead guitar. My fingers seemed to get jammed in the strings - when they were able to move, that is. It was awful! But last night ... I was playing like a master (almost). 'You've got to manage your emotional states, Mikey.' Thank you, Voice, I was just coming to that. I've got to manage my emotional states, reader(s), like the man says. 'Me?!' No, Tony Robbins. Who else?!

Monday, 19 October 2015

The FCA has banned Kweku Adoboli!

Oh my God! Why?! What for?! 'This is outrageous!!!' Why has the FCA banned our Kweku from financial services? 'How long for, boss?' I don't know, Voice. It could be for life. 'Life?! Jesus!' What has Mr Adoboli done to deserve this?!

The evil that dead fish do ... / And we all thought the dead shark was out of control, didn't we? 'Er ... the dead shark that refused to believe in death?' That's the one! / But the FCA is even worse. What is our Kweku going to do now?

Life is so unfair sometimes. I've had migraines all weekend. I suppose we all have our crosses to bear. 'Let's hope you haven't got a brain tumour, boss.' Shut up, you little idiot! I really need you on a Monday morning, don't I? / Yes, a Monday morning in winter, dear reader(s). Is it winter yet? 'Well ...' It should be. Actually, I want spring! 'There will be growth in the spring.' Of course there'll be growth in the spring, Voice. All will be well in the garden.

...

I've forgotten about Mr Adoboli already. It's for the best. Let's move on, beyond the horror of finance!

Let's talk about music. 'Yippee!' I'm listening to Elvis Costello's Get Happy!! There are twenty songs on the album, eighteen Costello originals but only two of them are "strong" songs, as it were, or .. as it is. 'Eh?!' New Amsterdam and High Fidelity. [This makes me think I shouldn't scrap my Gilly, Gilly just because I consider it a bit "weak". I haven't got so many songs that I can afford to throw some away.] My favourite lyric on the album? The chairman of this boredom is a compliment collector, I'd like to be his funeral director. 'Ha!'

Guitar? 'Guitar?! Mug's game!' Man, I'm getting fed up struggling with playing lead all the time. What's the point? [I was looking at a forum: someone said that Steve Vai still has to steal money from his mum's purse while a "bad" guitarist like Noel Gallagher is a multi-millionaire. 'Ha!'] I don't even need it as a songwriter. It's just pride, really. I don't know what to do. 'Record your songs, man! Today!' Not with a migraine. Oh, I might ...

Lunch? 'Hungry?' You bet! I want some lunch. I've had pills on an empty stomach. 'Oh dear.' No, that's not good. I need a cheese sandwich ... please!

Thursday, 15 October 2015

Opimas? Medy Agami, Octavio Marenzi, Cesar Pereira, Axel Pierron ...

Christ! I don't even know where to start. It's a PR email, so ... and I'm not going to research all these guys, LinkedIn, etc., BECAUSE(!) ... quite frankly, dear reader(s), I'm knackered, yeah?

Er ... 'The CEO, boss, Octavio Marenzi.' Oh, right. What does he say? - Opimas is dedicated to a new model in consulting, based on sharing our intellectual capital with our clients and giving them unfettered access to our knowledge base. 'Yeah, what's the business though?' Hang on, Voice, for Christ's sake. - Opimas is a management consultancy focused on capital markets, serving leading financial institutions around the world. Our specialisation allows us to bring our shamanic expertise to bear from the very beginning of projects, to provide mystical insight and occult craft strategies for our clients more quickly, without sacrificing lambs. [Eh?] In addition, Opimas continuously invests considerable resources, representing about one third of our revenues, into market research. This investment allows us to create a pool of intellectual capital on issues of strategic importance to our clients.

And they have offices all over ... Chicago, London, New York, Peckham, and Paris.

Well, I'm sure they're a great bunch of lads.

...

Music? 'Guitar? Go on!' Oh, just quickly, then. I've mentioned before that the guitar is a bottomless pit, but I'm close to knowing the major and minor pentatonic scales and the blues scale in all the different keys and positions and with all the additional notes. 'Tell them about the Texas blues "sweet" note!' No! They don't want to know about that. Christ! 'Are you going to learn all the modes of scales as well, boss?' Piss off, Voice!

Uh, anything else? 'Ha!' Are you kidding me?! End of the week, my friend(s). I'll be back Monday. 'I bet they'll be counting the hours, Mikey.' Yeah, probably. Nutters!

[No. 358] Who wants to be the chief executive of Jupiter?

You've got to be ambitious.

And, well ... I might consider it[1], and I reckon I'd do a good job, oh, er ...YES(!), CEO, the big cheese, if they asked me ... / But would they ever ask me?[1], and, well ... I might consider it[2], and I ain't got nothing else to do, so ...[1], and I reckon I'd do a good job, oh, er ...YES(!), CEO, the big cheese, if they asked me ... / But would they ever ask me?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Choose me![1], and I ain't got nothing else to do, so ...[2], and Maarten Slendebroek?!?!?! / There's another one!!! / We all know his name is "Martin", ha![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Choose me![2], and I'm your sha/man[1], and Maarten Slendebroek?!?!?! / There's another one!!! / We all know his name is "Martin", ha![2], and with a team of deranged shamans and mystics under me ... / What could go wrong?[1], and I'm your sha/man[2], and it's the nights that bother me ...[1], and with a team of deranged shamans and mystics under me ... / What could go wrong?[2], and, Christ! ... / John, "i", John, then "e", John, you dig? / and, uh, John, not "e", John, then "i", John, please!!![1], and it's the nights that bother me ...[2], and I could take the firm in a new direction ... oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND[1], and, Christ! ... / John, "i", John, then "e", John, you dig? / and, uh, John, not "e", John, then "i", John, please!!![2], and ... beyond the THREE?![1], and I could take the firm in a new direction ... oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND[2], and it could be YOU(!), my crazy little spinner! / You're DIZZY(!) enough now to be the TOP SHAMAN at Jupiter[1], and ... beyond the THREE?![2], and it's at times like this ... or this ... or this ... er, never mind / STOP!!![1], and it could be YOU(!), my crazy little spinner! / You're DIZZY(!) enough now to be the TOP SHAMAN at Jupiter[2], and ... who are YOU(!), anyway?[1], and it's at times like this ... or this ... or this ... er, never mind / STOP!!![2], and I'm so tired, man, stop for a second ...[1], and ... who are YOU(!), anyway?[2], and I'll tell you the honest truth: I miss our Eddie[1], and I'm so tired, man, stop for a second ...[2], and, well ... I might consider it[3], and I'll tell you the honest truth: I miss our Eddie[2], and I reckon I'd do a good job, oh, er ...YES(!), CEO, the big cheese, if they asked me ... / But would they ever ask me?[3], and I ain't got nothing else to do, so ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Choose me![3], and Maarten Slendebroek?!?!?! / There's another one!!! / We all know his name is "Martin", ha![3], and I'm your sha/man[3], and with a team of deranged shamans and mystics under me ... / What could go wrong?[3], and it's the nights that bother me ...[3], and, Christ! ... / John, "i", John, then "e", John, you dig? / and, uh, John, not "e", John, then "i", John, please!!![3], and I could take the firm in a new direction ... oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND[3], and ... beyond the THREE?![3], and it could be YOU(!), my crazy little spinner! / You're DIZZY(!) enough now to be the TOP SHAMAN at Jupiter[3], and it's at times like this ... or this ... or this ... er, never mind / STOP!!![3], and ... who are YOU(!), anyway?[3], and I'm so tired, man, stop for a second ...[3], and I'll tell you the honest truth: I miss our Eddie[3], and

And, well ... I might consider it[1], and I reckon I'd do a good job, oh, er ...YES(!), CEO, the big cheese, if they asked me ... / But would they ever ask me?[1], and, well ... I might consider it[2], and I ain't got nothing else to do, so ...[1], and I reckon I'd do a good job, oh, er ...YES(!), CEO, the big cheese, if they asked me ... / But would they ever ask me?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Choose me![1], and I ain't got nothing else to do, so ...[2], and Maarten Slendebroek?!?!?! / There's another one!!! / We all know his name is "Martin", ha![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Choose me![2], and I'm your sha/man[1], and Maarten Slendebroek?!?!?! / There's another one!!! / We all know his name is "Martin", ha![2], and with a team of deranged shamans and mystics under me ... / What could go wrong?[1], and I'm your sha/man[2], and it's the nights that bother me ...[1], and with a team of deranged shamans and mystics under me ... / What could go wrong?[2], and, Christ! ... / John, "i", John, then "e", John, you dig? / and, uh, John, not "e", John, then "i", John, please!!![1], and it's the nights that bother me ...[2], and I could take the firm in a new direction ... oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND[1], and, Christ! ... / John, "i", John, then "e", John, you dig? / and, uh, John, not "e", John, then "i", John, please!!![2], and ... beyond the THREE?![1], and I could take the firm in a new direction ... oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND[2], and it could be YOU(!), my crazy little spinner! / You're DIZZY(!) enough now to be the TOP SHAMAN at Jupiter[1], and ... beyond the THREE?![2], and it's at times like this ... or this ... or this ... er, never mind / STOP!!![1], and it could be YOU(!), my crazy little spinner! / You're DIZZY(!) enough now to be the TOP SHAMAN at Jupiter[2], and ... who are YOU(!), anyway?[1], and it's at times like this ... or this ... or this ... er, never mind / STOP!!![2], and I'm so tired, man, stop for a second ...[1], and ... who are YOU(!), anyway?[2], and I'll tell you the honest truth: I miss our Eddie[1], and I'm so tired, man, stop for a second ...[2], and, well ... I might consider it[3], and I'll tell you the honest truth: I miss our Eddie[2], and I reckon I'd do a good job, oh, er ...YES(!), CEO, the big cheese, if they asked me ... / But would they ever ask me?[3], and I ain't got nothing else to do, so ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Choose me![3], and Maarten Slendebroek?!?!?! / There's another one!!! / We all know his name is "Martin", ha![3], and I'm your sha/man[3], and with a team of deranged shamans and mystics under me ... / What could go wrong?[3], and it's the nights that bother me ...[3], and, Christ! ... / John, "i", John, then "e", John, you dig? / and, uh, John, not "e", John, then "i", John, please!!![3], and I could take the firm in a new direction ... oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND[3], and ... beyond the THREE?![3], and it could be YOU(!), my crazy little spinner! / You're DIZZY(!) enough now to be the TOP SHAMAN at Jupiter[3], and it's at times like this ... or this ... or this ... er, never mind / STOP!!![3], and ... who are YOU(!), anyway?[3], and I'm so tired, man, stop for a second ...[3], and I'll tell you the honest truth: I miss our Eddie[3], and

And, well ... I might consider it[1], and I reckon I'd do a good job, oh, er ...YES(!), CEO, the big cheese, if they asked me ... / But would they ever ask me?[1], and, well ... I might consider it[2], and I ain't got nothing else to do, so ...[1], and I reckon I'd do a good job, oh, er ...YES(!), CEO, the big cheese, if they asked me ... / But would they ever ask me?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Choose me![1], and I ain't got nothing else to do, so ...[2], and Maarten Slendebroek?!?!?! / There's another one!!! / We all know his name is "Martin", ha![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Choose me![2], and I'm your sha/man[1], and Maarten Slendebroek?!?!?! / There's another one!!! / We all know his name is "Martin", ha![2], and with a team of deranged shamans and mystics under me ... / What could go wrong?[1], and I'm your sha/man[2], and it's the nights that bother me ...[1], and with a team of deranged shamans and mystics under me ... / What could go wrong?[2], and, Christ! ... / John, "i", John, then "e", John, you dig? / and, uh, John, not "e", John, then "i", John, please!!![1], and it's the nights that bother me ...[2], and I could take the firm in a new direction ... oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND[1], and, Christ! ... / John, "i", John, then "e", John, you dig? / and, uh, John, not "e", John, then "i", John, please!!![2], and ... beyond the THREE?![1], and I could take the firm in a new direction ... oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND[2], and it could be YOU(!), my crazy little spinner! / You're DIZZY(!) enough now to be the TOP SHAMAN at Jupiter[1], and ... beyond the THREE?![2], and it's at times like this ... or this ... or this ... er, never mind / STOP!!![1], and it could be YOU(!), my crazy little spinner! / You're DIZZY(!) enough now to be the TOP SHAMAN at Jupiter[2], and ... who are YOU(!), anyway?[1], and it's at times like this ... or this ... or this ... er, never mind / STOP!!![2], and I'm so tired, man, stop for a second ...[1], and ... who are YOU(!), anyway?[2], and I'll tell you the honest truth: I miss our Eddie[1], and I'm so tired, man, stop for a second ...[2], and, well ... I might consider it[3], and I'll tell you the honest truth: I miss our Eddie[2], and I reckon I'd do a good job, oh, er ...YES(!), CEO, the big cheese, if they asked me ... / But would they ever ask me?[3], and I ain't got nothing else to do, so ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... Choose me![3], and Maarten Slendebroek?!?!?! / There's another one!!! / We all know his name is "Martin", ha![3], and I'm your sha/man[3], and with a team of deranged shamans and mystics under me ... / What could go wrong?[3], and it's the nights that bother me ...[3], and, Christ! ... / John, "i", John, then "e", John, you dig? / and, uh, John, not "e", John, then "i", John, please!!![3], and I could take the firm in a new direction ... oh, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND[3], and ... beyond the THREE?![3], and it could be YOU(!), my crazy little spinner! / You're DIZZY(!) enough now to be the TOP SHAMAN at Jupiter[3], and it's at times like this ... or this ... or this ... er, never mind / STOP!!![3], and ... who are YOU(!), anyway?[3], and I'm so tired, man, stop for a second ...[3], and I'll tell you the honest truth: I miss our Eddie[3], and

John Chatfeild-Roberts still doesn't get it

Jesus H. Christ! This is unbelievable. John Chatfeild-Roberts has been telling anyone who will listen that he was an average or "OK" chief investment officer. 'Who's everyone, boss? He hasn't told me.' Well, you're no one, I'm afraid, Voice. 'Oh.' He wouldn't tell you, would he? But he's been telling Fundweb, putting himself down. 'Oh dear.' I can't believe it!

Our John was a pretty good CIO, as far as I'm concerned. 'Was he? Really?' Yes. I never had a problem with him in that role, as far as the work went, you know, but ... 'It's his name, yeah?' The name is too sinister, man. You can't go around calling yourself Chatfeild-Roberts when the decent, "normal", respectable thing to do is to call yourself Chatfield-Roberts. 'With the "i" before the "e", just like they taught us in school.' Did you go to school, Voice? 'I can't remember.' Well, never mind.

John, mate, if you're reading this, is it too much to ask? Put the "i" before the "e" and then we can all get some sleep at night, and you might even end up as the chief executive of Jupiter, one day. 'Anything is possible. Is our John ambitious, boss?' I have no idea. Probably not. He seems quite happy at the moment with this Merlin nonsense of his. 'I suppose it keeps him off the streets.'

...

Anything else? 'Politics?' Politics?! I'm sick of politics, man! Three million families are going to lose money from their tax credits next year, and Cameron wants everyone to believe that it's a good thing. 'Ha!' Apparently, we're moving from a low-wage, high-welfare society to a high, er, everyone living in the gutter society, covered in piss, no doubt. 'It's what the sheep voted for, Mikey.' WELL, LET THEM HAVE IT!!! / Oh, what do I care? I'll be living in Malibu soon, anyway.

Wednesday, 14 October 2015

[No. 357] Baby, please don't go

Man, I love Little Walter!

And ... / where you going?![1], and ... baby, baby, baby, please, no, no, no ... / I don't wanna be your DOG![1], and ... / where you going?![2], and I got YOU(!) ... way down here ... / and I watch you SPIN(!) alone / I'll watch you all night long[1], and ... baby, baby, baby, please, no, no, no ... / I don't wanna be your DOG![2], and ... / Come on, Little Walter!!![1], and I got YOU(!) ... way down here ... / and I watch you SPIN(!) alone / I'll watch you all night long[2], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... / oh, you know your man ain't down GONE(!) not yet beyond the mystical THREE[1], and ... / Come on, Little Walter!!![2], and Muddy got the blues so bad ...[1], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... / oh, you know your man ain't down GONE(!) not yet beyond the mystical THREE[2], and I got the BLUES(!) ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND in my SOUL(!)[1], and Muddy got the blues so bad ...[2], and this ... is what my Telecaster has been dreaming of! / If guitars can dream ...[1], and I got the BLUES(!) ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND in my SOUL(!)[2], and on repeat? OBVIOUSLY!!![1], and this ... is what my Telecaster has been dreaming of! / If guitars can dream ...[2], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... you brought me way down here ... but for what?[1], and on repeat? OBVIOUSLY!!![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, this ain't New Orleans - ?[1], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... you brought me way down here ... but for what?[2], and before I be your DOG(!!!) ... I gotta tell you I love you so ... / So, be kind to your new dog ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, this ain't New Orleans - ?[2], and will I ever be ... GONE(!)?[1], and before I be your DOG(!!!) ... I gotta tell you I love you so ... / So, be kind to your new dog ...[2], and ... baby, please don't go, down to Shepherd's Bush / ah, YOU(!) gotta stay with me[1], and will I ever be ... GONE(!)?[2], and before, before, before ...[1], and ... baby, please don't go, down to Shepherd's Bush / ah, YOU(!) gotta stay with me[2], and the DIZZY(!) life ... is our life, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, all our time[1], and before, before, before ...[2], and ... yes, yes, yes, I'm so glad we're here together![1], and the DIZZY(!) life ... is our life, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, all our time[2], and turn your lamp down low, honey, it's too bright for begging, and I wanna hide in the dark ...[1], and ... yes, yes, yes, I'm so glad we're here together![2], and ... / \ ... and I'm such a happy DOG - ?[1], and turn your lamp down low, honey, it's too bright for begging, and I wanna hide in the dark ...[2], and ... / where you going?![3], and ... / \ ... and I'm such a happy DOG - ?[2], and ... baby, baby, baby, please, no, no, no ... / I don't wanna be your DOG![3], and I got YOU(!) ... way down here ... / and I watch you SPIN(!) alone / I'll watch you all night long[3], and ... / Come on, Little Walter!!![3], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... / oh, you know your man ain't down GONE(!) not yet beyond the mystical THREE[3], and Muddy got the blues so bad ...[3], and I got the BLUES(!) ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND in my SOUL(!)[3], and this ... is what my Telecaster has been dreaming of! / If guitars can dream ...[3], and on repeat? OBVIOUSLY!!![3], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... you brought me way down here ... but for what?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, this ain't New Orleans - ?[3], and before I be your DOG(!!!) ... I gotta tell you I love you so ... / So, be kind to your new dog ...[3], and will I ever be ... GONE(!)?[3], and ... baby, please don't go, down to Shepherd's Bush / ah, YOU(!) gotta stay with me[3], and before, before, before ...[3], and the DIZZY(!) life ... is our life, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, all our time[3], and ... yes, yes, yes, I'm so glad we're here together![3], and turn your lamp down low, honey, it's too bright for begging, and I wanna hide in the dark ...[3], and ... / \ ... and I'm such a happy DOG - ?[3], and

And ... / where you going?![1], and ... baby, baby, baby, please, no, no, no ... / I don't wanna be your DOG![1], and ... / where you going?![2], and I got YOU(!) ... way down here ... / and I watch you SPIN(!) alone / I'll watch you all night long[1], and ... baby, baby, baby, please, no, no, no ... / I don't wanna be your DOG![2], and ... / Come on, Little Walter!!![1], and I got YOU(!) ... way down here ... / and I watch you SPIN(!) alone / I'll watch you all night long[2], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... / oh, you know your man ain't down GONE(!) not yet beyond the mystical THREE[1], and ... / Come on, Little Walter!!![2], and Muddy got the blues so bad ...[1], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... / oh, you know your man ain't down GONE(!) not yet beyond the mystical THREE[2], and I got the BLUES(!) ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND in my SOUL(!)[1], and Muddy got the blues so bad ...[2], and this ... is what my Telecaster has been dreaming of! / If guitars can dream ...[1], and I got the BLUES(!) ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND in my SOUL(!)[2], and on repeat? OBVIOUSLY!!![1], and this ... is what my Telecaster has been dreaming of! / If guitars can dream ...[2], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... you brought me way down here ... but for what?[1], and on repeat? OBVIOUSLY!!![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, this ain't New Orleans - ?[1], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... you brought me way down here ... but for what?[2], and before I be your DOG(!!!) ... I gotta tell you I love you so ... / So, be kind to your new dog ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, this ain't New Orleans - ?[2], and will I ever be ... GONE(!)?[1], and before I be your DOG(!!!) ... I gotta tell you I love you so ... / So, be kind to your new dog ...[2], and ... baby, please don't go, down to Shepherd's Bush / ah, YOU(!) gotta stay with me[1], and will I ever be ... GONE(!)?[2], and before, before, before ...[1], and ... baby, please don't go, down to Shepherd's Bush / ah, YOU(!) gotta stay with me[2], and the DIZZY(!) life ... is our life, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, all our time[1], and before, before, before ...[2], and ... yes, yes, yes, I'm so glad we're here together![1], and the DIZZY(!) life ... is our life, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, all our time[2], and turn your lamp down low, honey, it's too bright for begging, and I wanna hide in the dark ...[1], and ... yes, yes, yes, I'm so glad we're here together![2], and ... / \ ... and I'm such a happy DOG - ?[1], and turn your lamp down low, honey, it's too bright for begging, and I wanna hide in the dark ...[2], and ... / where you going?![3], and ... / \ ... and I'm such a happy DOG - ?[2], and ... baby, baby, baby, please, no, no, no ... / I don't wanna be your DOG![3], and I got YOU(!) ... way down here ... / and I watch you SPIN(!) alone / I'll watch you all night long[3], and ... / Come on, Little Walter!!![3], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... / oh, you know your man ain't down GONE(!) not yet beyond the mystical THREE[3], and Muddy got the blues so bad ...[3], and I got the BLUES(!) ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND in my SOUL(!)[3], and this ... is what my Telecaster has been dreaming of! / If guitars can dream ...[3], and on repeat? OBVIOUSLY!!![3], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... you brought me way down here ... but for what?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, this ain't New Orleans - ?[3], and before I be your DOG(!!!) ... I gotta tell you I love you so ... / So, be kind to your new dog ...[3], and will I ever be ... GONE(!)?[3], and ... baby, please don't go, down to Shepherd's Bush / ah, YOU(!) gotta stay with me[3], and before, before, before ...[3], and the DIZZY(!) life ... is our life, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, all our time[3], and ... yes, yes, yes, I'm so glad we're here together![3], and turn your lamp down low, honey, it's too bright for begging, and I wanna hide in the dark ...[3], and ... / \ ... and I'm such a happy DOG - ?[3], and

And ... / where you going?![1], and ... baby, baby, baby, please, no, no, no ... / I don't wanna be your DOG![1], and ... / where you going?![2], and I got YOU(!) ... way down here ... / and I watch you SPIN(!) alone / I'll watch you all night long[1], and ... baby, baby, baby, please, no, no, no ... / I don't wanna be your DOG![2], and ... / Come on, Little Walter!!![1], and I got YOU(!) ... way down here ... / and I watch you SPIN(!) alone / I'll watch you all night long[2], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... / oh, you know your man ain't down GONE(!) not yet beyond the mystical THREE[1], and ... / Come on, Little Walter!!![2], and Muddy got the blues so bad ...[1], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... / oh, you know your man ain't down GONE(!) not yet beyond the mystical THREE[2], and I got the BLUES(!) ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND in my SOUL(!)[1], and Muddy got the blues so bad ...[2], and this ... is what my Telecaster has been dreaming of! / If guitars can dream ...[1], and I got the BLUES(!) ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND in my SOUL(!)[2], and on repeat? OBVIOUSLY!!![1], and this ... is what my Telecaster has been dreaming of! / If guitars can dream ...[2], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... you brought me way down here ... but for what?[1], and on repeat? OBVIOUSLY!!![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, this ain't New Orleans - ?[1], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... you brought me way down here ... but for what?[2], and before I be your DOG(!!!) ... I gotta tell you I love you so ... / So, be kind to your new dog ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, this ain't New Orleans - ?[2], and will I ever be ... GONE(!)?[1], and before I be your DOG(!!!) ... I gotta tell you I love you so ... / So, be kind to your new dog ...[2], and ... baby, please don't go, down to Shepherd's Bush / ah, YOU(!) gotta stay with me[1], and will I ever be ... GONE(!)?[2], and before, before, before ...[1], and ... baby, please don't go, down to Shepherd's Bush / ah, YOU(!) gotta stay with me[2], and the DIZZY(!) life ... is our life, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, all our time[1], and before, before, before ...[2], and ... yes, yes, yes, I'm so glad we're here together![1], and the DIZZY(!) life ... is our life, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, all our time[2], and turn your lamp down low, honey, it's too bright for begging, and I wanna hide in the dark ...[1], and ... yes, yes, yes, I'm so glad we're here together![2], and ... / \ ... and I'm such a happy DOG - ?[1], and turn your lamp down low, honey, it's too bright for begging, and I wanna hide in the dark ...[2], and ... / where you going?![3], and ... / \ ... and I'm such a happy DOG - ?[2], and ... baby, baby, baby, please, no, no, no ... / I don't wanna be your DOG![3], and I got YOU(!) ... way down here ... / and I watch you SPIN(!) alone / I'll watch you all night long[3], and ... / Come on, Little Walter!!![3], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... / oh, you know your man ain't down GONE(!) not yet beyond the mystical THREE[3], and Muddy got the blues so bad ...[3], and I got the BLUES(!) ... all a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND in my SOUL(!)[3], and this ... is what my Telecaster has been dreaming of! / If guitars can dream ...[3], and on repeat? OBVIOUSLY!!![3], and ... baby, baby, baby, please ... you brought me way down here ... but for what?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, this ain't New Orleans - ?[3], and before I be your DOG(!!!) ... I gotta tell you I love you so ... / So, be kind to your new dog ...[3], and will I ever be ... GONE(!)?[3], and ... baby, please don't go, down to Shepherd's Bush / ah, YOU(!) gotta stay with me[3], and before, before, before ...[3], and the DIZZY(!) life ... is our life, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, all our time[3], and ... yes, yes, yes, I'm so glad we're here together![3], and turn your lamp down low, honey, it's too bright for begging, and I wanna hide in the dark ...[3], and ... / \ ... and I'm such a happy DOG - ?[3], and