Thursday, 28 April 2016

WMA 2016 Investment Conference

Yes, it's the Thursday night PR email, back by popular demand. I've been invited to an investment conference!

The Wealth Management Association (WMA) will be hosting its annual Investment conference, with cutting edge discussion on several keys issues that have been topping the news agenda - including international regulation, geo-political challenges, new investment trends as well as presentations on topics ranging from investing in frontier markets to alternative investments.

It sounds interesting. You know what, dear reader(s)? I think I'll go. 'Er, boss -' Shut up, Voice! 'Boss, it was today!' What?! 'The conference finished half an hour ago.' Oh, that's just great, that is! 'Yeah, read near the end ...'

Liz Field, CEO of the WMA, would like to invite you to the conference which will be held on 28th April, between 12:00am and 19:00pm, at the Cass Business School. The event will be attended by leading industry figures, such as the chief economist of Deutsche Bank UK George Buckley and Kevin Gardener, the global investment strategist at Rothschild. This will be a private and interactive event where you will be able to ask questions to the speakers.

That's just great! Why didn't you tell me, Voice?! 'Oh, I'm your secretary now?' You're my intern, man. 'What are my duties then?' Anything I say!

...

I'm gutted! Never mind. Maybe next year, eh? / Anything else? No. Laters.

[No. 409] Nigel Rosner is happy in his work

We've got to believe that(?!). I'm sure Nigel believes it.

And, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[1], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[1], and, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[2], and, kooks, please listen ...[1], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[2], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[1], and, kooks, please listen ...[2], and work is a disease[1], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[2], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![1], and work is a disease[2], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[1], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![2], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[1], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[2], and this ... is your helping hand[1], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[2], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![1], and this ... is your helping hand[2], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[1], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![2], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[1], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[2], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[1], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[2], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![1], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[2], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[1], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![2], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[1], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[2], and at least he's happy[1], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[2], and, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[3], and at least he's happy[2], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[3], and, kooks, please listen ...[3], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[3], and work is a disease[3], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![3], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[3], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[3], and this ... is your helping hand[3], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![3], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[3], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[3], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[3], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![3], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[3], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[3], and at least he's happy[3], and

And, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[1], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[1], and, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[2], and, kooks, please listen ...[1], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[2], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[1], and, kooks, please listen ...[2], and work is a disease[1], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[2], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![1], and work is a disease[2], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[1], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![2], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[1], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[2], and this ... is your helping hand[1], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[2], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![1], and this ... is your helping hand[2], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[1], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![2], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[1], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[2], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[1], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[2], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![1], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[2], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[1], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![2], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[1], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[2], and at least he's happy[1], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[2], and, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[3], and at least he's happy[2], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[3], and, kooks, please listen ...[3], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[3], and work is a disease[3], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![3], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[3], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[3], and this ... is your helping hand[3], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![3], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[3], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[3], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[3], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![3], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[3], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[3], and at least he's happy[3], and

And, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[1], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[1], and, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[2], and, kooks, please listen ...[1], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[2], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[1], and, kooks, please listen ...[2], and work is a disease[1], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[2], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![1], and work is a disease[2], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[1], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![2], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[1], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[2], and this ... is your helping hand[1], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[2], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![1], and this ... is your helping hand[2], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[1], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![2], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[1], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[2], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[1], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[2], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![1], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[2], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[1], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![2], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[1], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[2], and at least he's happy[1], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[2], and, hello, uh, you're their Nigel - ?[3], and at least he's happy[2], and I will take you away ... not exactly to Faeryland, but somewhere similar[3], and, kooks, please listen ...[3], and this is my plan for Nigel ... / I'm going to get him so DIZZY(!) that he forgets about work[3], and work is a disease[3], and, Mr Rosner, welcome to the 409th conceptual post - !!! / It's all for you, man![3], and ... will he believe? ... / ... / ... 'Keep quiet about the THREE, boss'[3], and, hello, you're our Nigel NOW(!) / ... and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Can you dig it?[3], and this ... is your helping hand[3], and YOU(!) ... must be happy, and you must be happy, and you must be happy - in your spinning![3], and a-ROUND here ... is genuine freedom, guaranteed[3], and, Nigel, I'm speaking to YOU(!), yeah? / I only want what's best for you ...[3], and ... investment manager, eh? / Better than British Steel ...[3], and turning Chinese, turning Chinese, turning Chinese ... ? No, no, no![3], and he loves to be spoken to in his world / but this is my world, so ... I just don't know[3], and who wants to work at Charles Stanley? / and who wants to work at Hargreave Hale? / and who wants to work at all?[3], and at least he's happy[3], and

Nigel Rosner has got a new job at Hargreave Hale

Unfortunately, I don't know who Nigel Rosner is, and I don't know who or what Hargreave Hale is/are. 'Oh dear.' I'm not going to let it put me off though. I've dealt with worse situations. / Er ... I'm pretty confident, dear reader(s), that Hargreave Hale is a Chinese firm. 'I don't think it is, boss.' Oh, I think it is, Voice. 'Why do you say that?' BECAUSE ... I'm looking at this website called Wealth Manager and there is a picture of three Chinese characters welcoming Mr Rosner to the firm. 'How do you know they're Chinese?' A lucky guess. 'Okay.' Yes, so we've got that sorted out.

This is from the Hargreave Hale website - The roots of Hargreave Hale date back to 1897, when a stockbroking firm was founded in Blackpool by Marsden W Hargreave, to serve the investment interests of his family members and close friends. In 1988, our current Chairman Giles Hargreave merged his own company (Hargreave Investment Management) with the family stockbroking business (Marsden W Hargreave Hale & Co) to create the business we have today.

Er ... 'There's something not right about this, boss.' Oh, I'll tell you what it is. This Wealth Manager thing - a Citywire website, by the way - is having a laugh at our expense. Us and the readers, you dig? 'They've just thrown any picture up, any picture they could find. Too fucking lazy to get a real picture of Mr Rosner being welcomed to the firm by Giles Hargreave and the gang.' Obviously. I mean, does "Giles Hargreave" sound like a Chinese name to you? 'No.' The whole thing is a joke. I presume these people are professional journalists and not just a bunch of nutjobs doing it as a hobby, yeah? 'Who knows?!'

Anyway, let's move on to Mr Rosner himself. Investment manager, apparently. 'Nice.' Our Nigel used to work at Charles Stanley. He was there for over twenty years, according to ... Fund Strategy. 'Fundweb?' Fund Strategy, man. New name. 'Nice.' But that's all anyone knows about him, which is good for me because I'm making plans for Nigel. 'Will you be taking him for a spin later, boss?' Yes. No. 409. Another blank slate for me to work on. 'Yippee!'

...

Anything else? The Daily Mail is quoting the National Enquirer that Prince had AIDS. (Not the New York Times, you understand. No, the National Enquirer.) I think I'll wait for the autopsy report. Not that it matters. Prince is dead now. Gone. However, his music and his legend live ... FOREVER!!!

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Who on earth is Tilman Fertitta?! / What on earth is Landcadia?!

'Horrific!' Okay, reader(s), there's no need to get upset because I'm on the case. I promise you I will ... EXPLAIN EVERYTHING!

Tilman Fertitta is actually a man, a genuine human being from Texas, and a billionaire. 'A billionaire, boss?!' That's what I said, Voice. He owns some restaurants. And our Tilman - I call him Tilly, we're quite close, although not as close as ... yes, our Tilly is best friends with Richard Handler. (Dickie to his friend.) 'Dickie and Tilly?!' Yeah, or ... Tilly and Dickie. (I think Tilly is the senior one. But they're definitely bosom buddies.) 'Okay.' The point is, Christ!!! Listen, the point is, these guys are in business together now with one of those SPAC things. 'Eh?' You know, man, like Chinh Chu's new firm. 'Who?!' Chinh Chu. You remember Chinh Chu, right? 'Er ... I suppose.' Well, the SPAC is called, or will be called, Landcadia. 'Oh, I was wondering what that was. I thought it might be some mystical land where the little fairies dance around and play ... their instruments, er, banjos and harps, you know?' No. 'You see, no one knows where they came from, or ... what they were doing.' Shut up, Voice! Please! This is serious. It's a serious SPAC thing we're talking about here, a blank check to buy other companies. 'All right. And how much do they want? I mean, guys like Mr Fertitta and Mr Handler always want other people's money.' Don't be so cynical. For starters, Tilly is a billionaire. 'Yes, you said. But how much of other people's money does Tilly want for his new venture?' $300 million. 'I see.' That's not much. Not these days. His own money is probably tied-up in ... other things. 'Of course.' Shut up, Voice! You're really pissing me off this morning. Go away! 'I'm going.' Good!

Uh, sorry about him, reader(s), yeah? And sorry, Tilly and Dickie, if you're reading this. The Voice is my intern. And I don't pay him. He only has a limited understanding of business and finance. He spends most of his time floating around on the astral plane like a total ponce. I'm really sorry. You just can't get the staff these days. Unless you're willing to pay them wages ... 'Ha!'

...

That's enough! My concentration has gone. / Anything else? I'm bored. I'm the Chairman of the Bored. I'll be playing my guitar after lunch and for the rest of the day. (Or I might go out. It's sunny!) I still need to finish that song, still need the lyrics, you dig?

Laters.


Interesting Prince fact: I always thought the guitar solo on Little Red Corvette was played by Prince. But no! It was played by Dez Dickerson. The thing is, Prince was an average guitar player up until this point. However, within a year or two he was a guitar god. Maybe he heard Dez and thought to himself, I want some of this action!

Tuesday, 26 April 2016

[No. 408] The cosmos wants you to be rich - (?)

YOU(!) YOU(!) YOU(!)

And ... who are you?![1], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[1], and ... who are you?![2], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[1], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[2], and the stars are alive![1], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[2], and who gives me a thrill?[1], and the stars are alive![2], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[1], and who gives me a thrill?[2], and I get a lot of visions, man![1], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![1], and I get a lot of visions, man![2], and I know you want it ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![2], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![1], and I know you want it ...[2], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[1], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![2], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[1], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[2], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![1], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[2], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[1], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![2], and believe in the living stars!!![1], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[2], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![1], and believe in the living stars!!![2], and there it goes! / Chase it![1], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![2], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[1], and there it goes! / Chase it![2], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[1], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[2], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![1], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[2], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[1], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![2], and ... who are you?![3], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[2], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[3], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[3], and the stars are alive![3], and who gives me a thrill?[3], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[3], and I get a lot of visions, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![3], and I know you want it ...[3], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![3], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[3], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[3], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![3], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[3], and believe in the living stars!!![3], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![3], and there it goes! / Chase it![3], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[3], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[3], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![3], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[3], and

And ... who are you?![1], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[1], and ... who are you?![2], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[1], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[2], and the stars are alive![1], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[2], and who gives me a thrill?[1], and the stars are alive![2], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[1], and who gives me a thrill?[2], and I get a lot of visions, man![1], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![1], and I get a lot of visions, man![2], and I know you want it ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![2], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![1], and I know you want it ...[2], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[1], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![2], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[1], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[2], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![1], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[2], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[1], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![2], and believe in the living stars!!![1], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[2], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![1], and believe in the living stars!!![2], and there it goes! / Chase it![1], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![2], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[1], and there it goes! / Chase it![2], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[1], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[2], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![1], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[2], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[1], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![2], and ... who are you?![3], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[2], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[3], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[3], and the stars are alive![3], and who gives me a thrill?[3], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[3], and I get a lot of visions, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![3], and I know you want it ...[3], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![3], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[3], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[3], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![3], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[3], and believe in the living stars!!![3], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![3], and there it goes! / Chase it![3], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[3], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[3], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![3], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[3], and

And ... who are you?![1], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[1], and ... who are you?![2], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[1], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[2], and the stars are alive![1], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[2], and who gives me a thrill?[1], and the stars are alive![2], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[1], and who gives me a thrill?[2], and I get a lot of visions, man![1], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![1], and I get a lot of visions, man![2], and I know you want it ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![2], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![1], and I know you want it ...[2], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[1], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![2], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[1], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[2], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![1], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[2], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[1], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![2], and believe in the living stars!!![1], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[2], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![1], and believe in the living stars!!![2], and there it goes! / Chase it![1], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![2], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[1], and there it goes! / Chase it![2], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[1], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[2], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![1], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[2], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[1], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![2], and ... who are you?![3], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[2], and it has to be ... YOU(!) / ... and I'm spinning a-ROUND and ...[3], and who are we talking about here - ? / Who does the cosmos love?[3], and the stars are alive![3], and who gives me a thrill?[3], and money can fall from the stars / I've seen it happen ... uh, in visions, obviously[3], and I get a lot of visions, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... money comes for anyone who wants it![3], and I know you want it ...[3], and you need money for that hedge fund of yours, don't you? / oh, man, the one with no name - ha![3], and I am Michael Fowke, always / It is very nice to meet YOU(!)[3], and you can meditate or you can get DIZZY(!) / it's your choice, my friend(s)[3], and seed money? Oh, plant some seeds and watch them grow![3], and ... as we all know, hedge funds can close as well as open, so ... put your trust in God[3], and believe in the living stars!!![3], and a-ROUND we go, spinner(s) ... / You should never work for money / oh, here it comes![3], and there it goes! / Chase it![3], and see you later, square(s) / I hope it makes you happy / I guess you know what you want out of life[3], and you don't actually need money a-ROUND here ... / Just saying, like[3], and trickle down, trickle down, trickle down ... - er, from guys like Fat Phil? Ha! Ha! Ha![3], and ... ah, never mind / why do I bother?[3], and

Maggie Arvedlund wants $500 million for her Turning Rock Capital

Yeah, some sort of fund, equity or hedge, no one is sure yet. But I wish Maggie all the best. She should be able to get the money. '$500 million, boss! That's a lot!' Voice, there is still a lot of money around if you really meditate on it. 'Eh?' You've got to make the money come to you, you dig? The cosmos loves you. The cosmos wants you to be rich. 'Me?!' No, not you, man. I mean people in general. Certainly not you. You're not even a person. 'Thanks.' Don't get upset, for Christ's sake!

Turning Rock will be investing in debt and equity investments. It will focus on smaller and mid-market opportunities in North America and securities and portfolios that can creep under the radar. 'Who said that?!' Ah, some voice from somewhere. 'Oh.' You're not the only voice, Voice.

What else? Our Maggie used to work at Fortress Investment Group. I don't know much more about her. 'LinkedIn?' No. 'Bloomberg?' No, surprisingly. But what are those tossers going to tell us anyway? This person is connected to 0 board members in 0 different organizations across 0 different industries. Do me a favour!

...

Anything else? 'Ha!' Not in finance, dear reader(s). This is a music blog. / Music? There's a classic Prince concert I want to see again, man, but it's not available anywhere. (There are only a handful of clips online.) I'm talking about his 1986 birthday concert in Detroit. It was a part of his Parade tour and it was brilliant, the best I've seen of him - and he doesn't even touch the guitar once in the whole concert! Maybe stuff like this will start getting an official release now. / As for the rumoured two thousand songs in his vault, I have to be sceptical. 'Why?!' The number is believable, but I'm concerned about the quality. There is a lot of filler on his released albums, especially after the Eighties. So what are the chances of there being great music in The Vault? 'There's probably quite a few gems, Mikey.' Yes, Voice, but the music will need a good editor/archivist/producer, er, whatever ... to go through it all.

My music? Well, I won't be writing over two thousand songs, that's for sure. My dream is to write roughly two hundred high quality ones. I was shocked to find out a little while ago that Cole Porter wrote over a thousand songs. 'Ha!' But only a dozen of them are classics that we all know. 'What a waste of time!' I should imagine the rest are unbearable wank. Do you know what I mean?

...

BREAKING NEWS!!! ... I've found the concert on some crazy Chinese website! 'Yippee!' I'll have to watch it later on my phone.

Oh, other news? The doctors' strike? My solution? 'Quickly!' Well, I believe that all junior and senior doctors should resign today. All of them! They can be lured back next week by Jeremy Corbyn, after the present government has fallen. 'Brilliant, Mikey!' Yes, I'm a genius.

Monday, 25 April 2016

The richest hedge fund managers in 2016

Yes, it's the Monday morning PR email, back by popular demand. This one is from the Sunday Times (Andy Mitchell, tpf). 'Wow! You're going up in the world, boss.' Yes, it seems so. / Er ... there's a goddamn embargo on it though. Is it safe to write about this yet? 'The embargo passed early on Friday last week. What have you been doing?! You're actually late, man.' Shut up, Voice! No one cares. My readers just want to know what my opinions are on this year's richest hedge fund managers in the UK. 'And Ireland.' Yes, yes. And Ireland. Christ!

Michael Platt, who runs BlueCrest Capital, is Britain's richest hedge fund manager with a fortune of £2.1bn, up £600m on last year, according to The Sunday Times Rich List 2016 - the definitive guide to wealth in Britain and Ireland - to be published this weekend. Platt, who lives in Geneva, earned more than £500m from BlueCrest Capital in 2015.

Oh, I see. He lives in Geneva. Our Mickey lives in Geneva. Not exactly Britain or Ireland, is it? This list is fucked already! And we haven't looked at the other hedgie characters yet.

Alan Howard, co-founder of Brevan Howard, who shared top spot on the Hedge Fund Rich List last year, has fallen to fourth place, with his personal fortune now standing at £1.04bn, down £460m on 2015. The Brevan Master Fund fell 1.99% in 2015, with firm-wide assets under management almost halving in two years, to $23.7bn.

Does anyone know where Alan Howard lives? 'Panama, boss?' I don't know. Does anyone know? 'You could always do some research online.' Ha! Sod that for a game of soldiers! It's Monday morning. I've just had a week off. Watch my lips, Voice: I ain't doing no research online.

Crispin Odey is no longer a billionaire. His fortune has fallen by £200m to £900m. Odey saw profits at his hedge fund plunge to £84.1m in 2015, from £174.2m previously. His own pay was cut by £16m to £31.8m.

Oh dear. That's pretty rough. How will our Crispin be able to look the other guys in the eye from now on? 'It's all that flying around he does in that fucking balloon of his.' What do you mean? 'He's taken his eye off the ball.' Yeah, maybe. But it is a very beautiful balloon. I don't really blame him.

...

Anything else? Music? Well, obviously, I'm listening to Prince, Sign 'O' the Times. I've been watching videos of him on YouTube this weekend as well. I was always a bigger fan of Bowie, but Prince's death has affected me more, I think. 'Why?!' Because I liked the way he totally lived in the reality he had created. And it's the way he worked around the clock, you dig? The rumour is, he didn't sleep for a whole week before he died because he was working. 'That's crazy! Is it true?' Who knows? But if I can ever get away from blogging - and all my responsibilities and domestic shit - that's the way I want to be. 'Because you despise mundane life/reality, yeah?' Oh yeah. Big time.

Thursday, 14 April 2016

Alpstone Capital - ?!

Alpstone Capital. Yeah. What's this? - you're wondering. Well, it's a new macro hedge fund which will be launched later in the year. And it has a name and everything, so it will definitely be launched. 'By who, boss? Who's going to launch it?' Frederic Favre and Alexandre Germak and Melanie Owen are going to launch it. 'Okay. Who are they?' Oh, Christ! They're just some hedgie characters, man, who used to work at BlueCrest Capital Management, that's all. They were partners at BlueCrest. And there's nothing unusual about them or the fund. It's just another hedge fund.

Dear reader(s), I would love to say that there's something strange about these guys, you know? But I can't. I can't say it. Fred and Alex and Mel are just hedgies trying to earn a living. They're not GLG guys, or Jupiter guys. 'We're not talking mystic kooks or shamans then, boss?' No, Voice. They're just people who work in finance, who run hedge funds. There's nothing more I can say about them.

Which is a good thing, actually, because I'm totally knackered and I need a rest. So I'm taking next week off, reader(s). I'll be back, er ... 'The week after next one, Mikey.' Yes, the week after next one. On a Monday probably.

...

Anything else? There's nothing else. You've had the news about Alpstone Capital. Be satisfied with that.

There is nothing else. I'll see you again on that Monday - with even more news, no doubt. There will be other hedge funds. Some will be opening, some will be closing. It's the way of the world.

Now I must go. I must go and have my rest. I have a vision of a massive beach with little white crests of waves in the distance.

Wednesday, 13 April 2016

It's the Wednesday night PR email!

Back by popular demand! Let's get down to it!

"Our property funds have shown robust returns in the face of new Government taxes and increasing uncertainty on the global stage. It is probably fair to say that the early results for our second fund show it to be one of the best performing global investments over the last 12 months. Diversification and professional expertise have helped to enhance returns to date and the new tax advantages are set to underwrite its future performance" comments Heaton.

'What the hell is this, boss?!' Hang on, Voice. It will all become clear.

"Historically, such vehicles have held the greatest appeal to hands-off foreign investors who like the asset class and can benefit from unique tax exemptions, such as CGT free gains due to the fund's Genuine Diversity of Ownership.  However, with tax benefits now extended to include UK investors, British subscriptions into LCA III have jumped nearly 1/3 since our first fund, launched in 2007" adds Heaton.

'Man, I'm none the wiser.' Be patient!

Heaton concludes: "Despite the some-what negative market outlook being reported, it is now an opportune time to invest for both British and foreign investors while sterling remains weak and the Central London market is slightly quieter in the run up to EU referendum. Given the long term fundamentals for the private rented sector in PCL, I have no doubt that we will soon see prices harden, providing significant upside for the strategic investor. With new tax benefits in place, property fund investors are in an even better position to capitalise on this."

You see? 'No, I don't see. You've screwed it up, Mikey.' Give me a break, man. My readers will understand. My readers are experts. 'Ha! Your readers are a bunch of freaks, let's be honest.' Take that back! 'No.' Take it back! 'No!' You're fired! 'Shut up! You're not Alan Sugar.' Just leave me alone, Voice, please. I'm knackered.

[No. 407] The hedge fund with no name

There is a hedge fund with no name. There are many hedge funds with no names. We are here for the hedgies who struggle with the naming of funds. Out of nothing they must come! It is very difficult. Fortunately, we are the masters of ... NOTHING!

And I'm so very tired[1], and there is a hedge fund, uh, and there is always a hedge fund / Always ...[1], and I'm so very tired[2], and we were born for NOTHING(!), and nothing is here ... so take it, spinner(s), taste it, enjoy your nothing[1], and there is a hedge fund, uh, and there is always a hedge fund / Always ...[2], and we have rather a lot of it[1], and we were born for NOTHING(!), and nothing is here ... so take it, spinner(s), taste it, enjoy your nothing[2], and as one hedge fund dies, another one is born! / When will they stop, the mad hedgies?[1], and we have rather a lot of it[2], and think of a name, please, do it for me, please, think of a name, now, for me, and ... later?[1], and as one hedge fund dies, another one is born! / When will they stop, the mad hedgies?[2], and one name won't be the end of it[1], and think of a name, please, do it for me, please, think of a name, now, for me, and ... later?[2], and they all need names, and seed money, and God knows what else / I'm sick of it!!![1], and one name won't be the end of it[2], and this ... is a beautiful black hole[1], and they all need names, and seed money, and God knows what else / I'm sick of it!!![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, lose the words, spinner(s), all the words![1], and this ... is a beautiful black hole[2], and here comes the stranger[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, lose the words, spinner(s), all the words![2], and the audacity of it! / Riding into town ...[1], and here comes the stranger[2], and what does the stranger want with your money? / Just keep your money under the mattress, man[1], and the audacity of it! / Riding into town ...[2], and hedgies, leave it out![1], and what does the stranger want with your money? / Just keep your money under the mattress, man[2], and words are a disease, and names are a disease ... / We would all be happier beyond the THREE[1], and hedgies, leave it out![2], and think, and dream[1], and words are a disease, and names are a disease ... / We would all be happier beyond the THREE[2], and we are here for the ones who are so lost that they had to come here looking for our help, ha![1], and think, and dream[2], and help, help me!!![1], and we are here for the ones who are so lost that they had to come here looking for our help, ha![2], and I'm so very tired[3], and help, help me!!![2], and there is a hedge fund, uh, and there is always a hedge fund / Always ...[3], and we were born for NOTHING(!), and nothing is here ... so take it, spinner(s), taste it, enjoy your nothing[3], and we have rather a lot of it[3], and as one hedge fund dies, another one is born! / When will they stop, the mad hedgies?[3], and think of a name, please, do it for me, please, think of a name, now, for me, and ... later?[3], and one name won't be the end of it[3], and they all need names, and seed money, and God knows what else / I'm sick of it!!![3], and this ... is a beautiful black hole[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, lose the words, spinner(s), all the words![3], and here comes the stranger[3], and the audacity of it! / Riding into town ...[3], and what does the stranger want with your money? / Just keep your money under the mattress, man[3], and hedgies, leave it out![3], and words are a disease, and names are a disease ... / We would all be happier beyond the THREE[3], and think, and dream[3], and we are here for the ones who are so lost that they had to come here looking for our help, ha![3], and help, help me!!![3], and

And I'm so very tired[1], and there is a hedge fund, uh, and there is always a hedge fund / Always ...[1], and I'm so very tired[2], and we were born for NOTHING(!), and nothing is here ... so take it, spinner(s), taste it, enjoy your nothing[1], and there is a hedge fund, uh, and there is always a hedge fund / Always ...[2], and we have rather a lot of it[1], and we were born for NOTHING(!), and nothing is here ... so take it, spinner(s), taste it, enjoy your nothing[2], and as one hedge fund dies, another one is born! / When will they stop, the mad hedgies?[1], and we have rather a lot of it[2], and think of a name, please, do it for me, please, think of a name, now, for me, and ... later?[1], and as one hedge fund dies, another one is born! / When will they stop, the mad hedgies?[2], and one name won't be the end of it[1], and think of a name, please, do it for me, please, think of a name, now, for me, and ... later?[2], and they all need names, and seed money, and God knows what else / I'm sick of it!!![1], and one name won't be the end of it[2], and this ... is a beautiful black hole[1], and they all need names, and seed money, and God knows what else / I'm sick of it!!![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, lose the words, spinner(s), all the words![1], and this ... is a beautiful black hole[2], and here comes the stranger[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, lose the words, spinner(s), all the words![2], and the audacity of it! / Riding into town ...[1], and here comes the stranger[2], and what does the stranger want with your money? / Just keep your money under the mattress, man[1], and the audacity of it! / Riding into town ...[2], and hedgies, leave it out![1], and what does the stranger want with your money? / Just keep your money under the mattress, man[2], and words are a disease, and names are a disease ... / We would all be happier beyond the THREE[1], and hedgies, leave it out![2], and think, and dream[1], and words are a disease, and names are a disease ... / We would all be happier beyond the THREE[2], and we are here for the ones who are so lost that they had to come here looking for our help, ha![1], and think, and dream[2], and help, help me!!![1], and we are here for the ones who are so lost that they had to come here looking for our help, ha![2], and I'm so very tired[3], and help, help me!!![2], and there is a hedge fund, uh, and there is always a hedge fund / Always ...[3], and we were born for NOTHING(!), and nothing is here ... so take it, spinner(s), taste it, enjoy your nothing[3], and we have rather a lot of it[3], and as one hedge fund dies, another one is born! / When will they stop, the mad hedgies?[3], and think of a name, please, do it for me, please, think of a name, now, for me, and ... later?[3], and one name won't be the end of it[3], and they all need names, and seed money, and God knows what else / I'm sick of it!!![3], and this ... is a beautiful black hole[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, lose the words, spinner(s), all the words![3], and here comes the stranger[3], and the audacity of it! / Riding into town ...[3], and what does the stranger want with your money? / Just keep your money under the mattress, man[3], and hedgies, leave it out![3], and words are a disease, and names are a disease ... / We would all be happier beyond the THREE[3], and think, and dream[3], and we are here for the ones who are so lost that they had to come here looking for our help, ha![3], and help, help me!!![3], and

And I'm so very tired[1], and there is a hedge fund, uh, and there is always a hedge fund / Always ...[1], and I'm so very tired[2], and we were born for NOTHING(!), and nothing is here ... so take it, spinner(s), taste it, enjoy your nothing[1], and there is a hedge fund, uh, and there is always a hedge fund / Always ...[2], and we have rather a lot of it[1], and we were born for NOTHING(!), and nothing is here ... so take it, spinner(s), taste it, enjoy your nothing[2], and as one hedge fund dies, another one is born! / When will they stop, the mad hedgies?[1], and we have rather a lot of it[2], and think of a name, please, do it for me, please, think of a name, now, for me, and ... later?[1], and as one hedge fund dies, another one is born! / When will they stop, the mad hedgies?[2], and one name won't be the end of it[1], and think of a name, please, do it for me, please, think of a name, now, for me, and ... later?[2], and they all need names, and seed money, and God knows what else / I'm sick of it!!![1], and one name won't be the end of it[2], and this ... is a beautiful black hole[1], and they all need names, and seed money, and God knows what else / I'm sick of it!!![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, lose the words, spinner(s), all the words![1], and this ... is a beautiful black hole[2], and here comes the stranger[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, lose the words, spinner(s), all the words![2], and the audacity of it! / Riding into town ...[1], and here comes the stranger[2], and what does the stranger want with your money? / Just keep your money under the mattress, man[1], and the audacity of it! / Riding into town ...[2], and hedgies, leave it out![1], and what does the stranger want with your money? / Just keep your money under the mattress, man[2], and words are a disease, and names are a disease ... / We would all be happier beyond the THREE[1], and hedgies, leave it out![2], and think, and dream[1], and words are a disease, and names are a disease ... / We would all be happier beyond the THREE[2], and we are here for the ones who are so lost that they had to come here looking for our help, ha![1], and think, and dream[2], and help, help me!!![1], and we are here for the ones who are so lost that they had to come here looking for our help, ha![2], and I'm so very tired[3], and help, help me!!![2], and there is a hedge fund, uh, and there is always a hedge fund / Always ...[3], and we were born for NOTHING(!), and nothing is here ... so take it, spinner(s), taste it, enjoy your nothing[3], and we have rather a lot of it[3], and as one hedge fund dies, another one is born! / When will they stop, the mad hedgies?[3], and think of a name, please, do it for me, please, think of a name, now, for me, and ... later?[3], and one name won't be the end of it[3], and they all need names, and seed money, and God knows what else / I'm sick of it!!![3], and this ... is a beautiful black hole[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, lose the words, spinner(s), all the words![3], and here comes the stranger[3], and the audacity of it! / Riding into town ...[3], and what does the stranger want with your money? / Just keep your money under the mattress, man[3], and hedgies, leave it out![3], and words are a disease, and names are a disease ... / We would all be happier beyond the THREE[3], and think, and dream[3], and we are here for the ones who are so lost that they had to come here looking for our help, ha![3], and help, help me!!![3], and

Samantha Greenberg and her Margate Capital

Congratulations to Samantha Greenberg for finding a name for her hedge fund. 'What has she called it, boss?' Take a wild guess, Voice. 'Er ... uh, I can't, man.' Christ! She's called it Margate Capital, hasn't she? 'Oh.' I'm sure you and the readers remember this from an old post -

Well, well ... / Our Samantha has just left Paulson & Co. where she was a partner and sector head. There aren't too many women running their own hedge funds, so - 'What's the name of the firm, boss?' It doesn't have a name yet, Voice. 'Oh, I see.' Don't be like that, man. 'When will it be launched?' Christ! Will you give Ms Greenberg a chance?! She only left Paulson & Co. last Friday. These things take time.

'Yes, I remember. But why on earth has Ms Greenberg called it Margate Capital?' Christ! What's wrong with you today, Voice?! Our Samantha called it that because she had a lovely holiday in Margate last year. 'Really?' Yes. / For my American readers (and readers from other places, I suppose) -

Margate is a seaside town in the district of Thanet in Kent, England. It lies 38.1 miles (61.3 km) east-north-east of Maidstone, on the coast along the North Foreland and contains the areas of Cliftonville, Garlinge, Palm Bay and Westbrook. Margate was recorded as "Meregate" in 1264 and as "Margate" in 1299, but the spelling continued to vary into modern times. The name is thought to refer to a pool gate or gap in a cliff where pools of water are found, often allowing swimmers to jump in. The cliffs of the Isle of Thanet are composed of chalk, a fossil-bearing rock.

More here on Wikipedia. Go and have a look, reader(s). It's absolutely fascinating.

Oh, and, er, we have got to congratulate our Samantha for getting $130 million off Cowen Group's Ramius unit in seed money. 'Nice one.' You're telling me! / [Long pause. Voice takes a deep breath.] / 'Do you have any more information about Margate Capital, boss? I mean, maybe Bloomberg can tell us something ...' You're taking the piss, man, but all right. Bloomberg says: Margate Capital does not have any Key Executives recorded. 'Ha, ha, ha!' Yeah, that's their "company overview", believe it or not. Why do we bother, eh?

Tuesday, 12 April 2016

Who on earth is Dermot Murphy at Jupiter?!

Right, I'm not feeling too good this morning, dear reader(s). I woke up this morning and my head was spinning. 'Were you drinking last night, boss?' No, I wasn't, Voice. I hardly drink these days because of my migraines. 'Oh, I know what it is.' Yeah, some sort of imbalance in my ear. It's a temporary thing. I've had it before. I'll be okay. 'No, no, no, Mikey.' What then? 'It's all these conceptual posts you keep writing.' Christ! Yeah, maybe. 'You've written over four hundred of them now. And you keep spinning, don't you? You keep getting a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND. It can't be good for you, man.' Well, I don't care, man. I enjoy it. I'll never stop!

Anyway, this Dermot Murphy character at Jupiter. Who on earth is he? 'Tell us!' Well, he's just some guy who's been promoted, that's all. 'He was an analyst, wasn't he?' Yes. Now he's, er ... hang on a minute ... an assistant fund manager, if you can believe that. 'Yippee!' It seems Dermot's assisting Ben Whitmore with his UK value strategies funds. 'Nice. Very nice.' It's all right. Our Dermot obviously has a bright future. 'Is he ...' What? Spit it out! 'Is he a financial shaman though?' Ha! Give him a chance, Voice. Let him work his way up to full-blown fund manager first. 'Okay.' Jupiter doesn't even need any more shamans. 'Oh, okay.' They've got shamans coming out of their ears. 'I suppose.' They've got more shamans than you've had hot dinners, son. 'I don't eat, boss.' Whatever.

...

Anything else? 'Are we finished already?' I'm not in the mood for blogging today. I need to go and lie down. There's nothing else. 'Another conceptual, later?' You're having a laugh, ain't ya? I really think I need to cut down to one a week, you know?

Uh ... politics? Well, it's business as usual. Nothing will ever change. Forget what I wrote yesterday, the Panama Papers shit. What we need, what I need ... is a fucking spaceship to get me out of here, you dig? That's the only solution.

Monday, 11 April 2016

[No. 406] There's a galaxy ...

It's two hundred million light years away and it has a black hole seventeen billion times heavier than our sun.

And, hey, always, you dig?[1], and there is always a galaxy somewhere in the universe ... making us realize just how small we are[1], and, hey, always, you dig?[2], and I don't want to depress anyone ...[1], and there is always a galaxy somewhere in the universe ... making us realize just how small we are[2], and what are you going to do today? / Oh, man, the same thing you do every day?![1], and I don't want to depress anyone ...[2], and ... are YOU(!) for real - ?![1], and what are you going to do today? / Oh, man, the same thing you do every day?![2], and I am for real!!! / uh, watch me spin myself into eternity[1], and ... are YOU(!) for real - ?![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / I'm afraid there's nothing else for our sort[1], and I am for real!!! / uh, watch me spin myself into eternity[2], and if I had a spaceship ... I wouldn't be any happier[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / I'm afraid there's nothing else for our sort[2], and God and all his voices in one mass may have something to say, or may not ... / What do we know?[1], and if I had a spaceship ... I wouldn't be any happier[2], and without love - where are we right NOW - ?![1], and God and all his voices in one mass may have something to say, or may not ... / What do we know?[2], and these conceptuals are like black holes: words and their meanings enter, but nothing leaves[1], and without love - where are we right NOW - ?![2], and put your mind in, spinner(s)![1], and these conceptuals are like black holes: words and their meanings enter, but nothing leaves[2], and maybe when I get a galaxy of my own ... / Jesus and I are really close, yeah? Ha![1], and put your mind in, spinner(s)![2], and ha, ha, ha! / What else?[1], and maybe when I get a galaxy of my own ... / Jesus and I are really close, yeah? Ha![2], and two hundred million light years ain't even the half of it / ... not even a fraction[1], and ha, ha, ha! / What else?[2], and, spinners, let's get loving![1], and two hundred million light years ain't even the half of it / ... not even a fraction[2], and, SQUARES, if I take you for a spin ... you're fucked forever! / You just got no imagination[1], and, spinners, let's get loving![2], and how does thirteen billion light years grab you? / Oh, I thought not ...[1], and, SQUARES, if I take you for a spin ... you're fucked forever! / You just got no imagination[2], and DIZZY(!) in, in, in ... inner space![1], and how does thirteen billion light years grab you? / Oh, I thought not ...[2], and we have EVERYTHING and NOTHING we need right here / So let's enjoy it![1], and DIZZY(!) in, in, in ... inner space![2], and, hey, always, you dig?[3], and we have EVERYTHING and NOTHING we need right here / So let's enjoy it![2], and there is always a galaxy somewhere in the universe ... making us realize just how small we are[3], and I don't want to depress anyone ...[3], and what are you going to do today? / Oh, man, the same thing you do every day?![3], and ... are YOU(!) for real - ?![3], and I am for real!!! / uh, watch me spin myself into eternity[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / I'm afraid there's nothing else for our sort[3], and if I had a spaceship ... I wouldn't be any happier[3], and God and all his voices in one mass may have something to say, or may not ... / What do we know?[3], and without love - where are we right NOW - ?![3], and these conceptuals are like black holes: words and their meanings enter, but nothing leaves[3], and put your mind in, spinner(s)![3], and maybe when I get a galaxy of my own ... / Jesus and I are really close, yeah? Ha![3], and ha, ha, ha! / What else?[3], and two hundred million light years ain't even the half of it / ... not even a fraction[3], and, spinners, let's get loving![3], and, SQUARES, if I take you for a spin ... you're fucked forever! / You just got no imagination[3], and how does thirteen billion light years grab you? / Oh, I thought not ...[3], and DIZZY(!) in, in, in ... inner space![3], and we have EVERYTHING and NOTHING we need right here / So let's enjoy it![3], and

And, hey, always, you dig?[1], and there is always a galaxy somewhere in the universe ... making us realize just how small we are[1], and, hey, always, you dig?[2], and I don't want to depress anyone ...[1], and there is always a galaxy somewhere in the universe ... making us realize just how small we are[2], and what are you going to do today? / Oh, man, the same thing you do every day?![1], and I don't want to depress anyone ...[2], and ... are YOU(!) for real - ?![1], and what are you going to do today? / Oh, man, the same thing you do every day?![2], and I am for real!!! / uh, watch me spin myself into eternity[1], and ... are YOU(!) for real - ?![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / I'm afraid there's nothing else for our sort[1], and I am for real!!! / uh, watch me spin myself into eternity[2], and if I had a spaceship ... I wouldn't be any happier[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / I'm afraid there's nothing else for our sort[2], and God and all his voices in one mass may have something to say, or may not ... / What do we know?[1], and if I had a spaceship ... I wouldn't be any happier[2], and without love - where are we right NOW - ?![1], and God and all his voices in one mass may have something to say, or may not ... / What do we know?[2], and these conceptuals are like black holes: words and their meanings enter, but nothing leaves[1], and without love - where are we right NOW - ?![2], and put your mind in, spinner(s)![1], and these conceptuals are like black holes: words and their meanings enter, but nothing leaves[2], and maybe when I get a galaxy of my own ... / Jesus and I are really close, yeah? Ha![1], and put your mind in, spinner(s)![2], and ha, ha, ha! / What else?[1], and maybe when I get a galaxy of my own ... / Jesus and I are really close, yeah? Ha![2], and two hundred million light years ain't even the half of it / ... not even a fraction[1], and ha, ha, ha! / What else?[2], and, spinners, let's get loving![1], and two hundred million light years ain't even the half of it / ... not even a fraction[2], and, SQUARES, if I take you for a spin ... you're fucked forever! / You just got no imagination[1], and, spinners, let's get loving![2], and how does thirteen billion light years grab you? / Oh, I thought not ...[1], and, SQUARES, if I take you for a spin ... you're fucked forever! / You just got no imagination[2], and DIZZY(!) in, in, in ... inner space![1], and how does thirteen billion light years grab you? / Oh, I thought not ...[2], and we have EVERYTHING and NOTHING we need right here / So let's enjoy it![1], and DIZZY(!) in, in, in ... inner space![2], and, hey, always, you dig?[3], and we have EVERYTHING and NOTHING we need right here / So let's enjoy it![2], and there is always a galaxy somewhere in the universe ... making us realize just how small we are[3], and I don't want to depress anyone ...[3], and what are you going to do today? / Oh, man, the same thing you do every day?![3], and ... are YOU(!) for real - ?![3], and I am for real!!! / uh, watch me spin myself into eternity[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / I'm afraid there's nothing else for our sort[3], and if I had a spaceship ... I wouldn't be any happier[3], and God and all his voices in one mass may have something to say, or may not ... / What do we know?[3], and without love - where are we right NOW - ?![3], and these conceptuals are like black holes: words and their meanings enter, but nothing leaves[3], and put your mind in, spinner(s)![3], and maybe when I get a galaxy of my own ... / Jesus and I are really close, yeah? Ha![3], and ha, ha, ha! / What else?[3], and two hundred million light years ain't even the half of it / ... not even a fraction[3], and, spinners, let's get loving![3], and, SQUARES, if I take you for a spin ... you're fucked forever! / You just got no imagination[3], and how does thirteen billion light years grab you? / Oh, I thought not ...[3], and DIZZY(!) in, in, in ... inner space![3], and we have EVERYTHING and NOTHING we need right here / So let's enjoy it![3], and

And, hey, always, you dig?[1], and there is always a galaxy somewhere in the universe ... making us realize just how small we are[1], and, hey, always, you dig?[2], and I don't want to depress anyone ...[1], and there is always a galaxy somewhere in the universe ... making us realize just how small we are[2], and what are you going to do today? / Oh, man, the same thing you do every day?![1], and I don't want to depress anyone ...[2], and ... are YOU(!) for real - ?![1], and what are you going to do today? / Oh, man, the same thing you do every day?![2], and I am for real!!! / uh, watch me spin myself into eternity[1], and ... are YOU(!) for real - ?![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / I'm afraid there's nothing else for our sort[1], and I am for real!!! / uh, watch me spin myself into eternity[2], and if I had a spaceship ... I wouldn't be any happier[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / I'm afraid there's nothing else for our sort[2], and God and all his voices in one mass may have something to say, or may not ... / What do we know?[1], and if I had a spaceship ... I wouldn't be any happier[2], and without love - where are we right NOW - ?![1], and God and all his voices in one mass may have something to say, or may not ... / What do we know?[2], and these conceptuals are like black holes: words and their meanings enter, but nothing leaves[1], and without love - where are we right NOW - ?![2], and put your mind in, spinner(s)![1], and these conceptuals are like black holes: words and their meanings enter, but nothing leaves[2], and maybe when I get a galaxy of my own ... / Jesus and I are really close, yeah? Ha![1], and put your mind in, spinner(s)![2], and ha, ha, ha! / What else?[1], and maybe when I get a galaxy of my own ... / Jesus and I are really close, yeah? Ha![2], and two hundred million light years ain't even the half of it / ... not even a fraction[1], and ha, ha, ha! / What else?[2], and, spinners, let's get loving![1], and two hundred million light years ain't even the half of it / ... not even a fraction[2], and, SQUARES, if I take you for a spin ... you're fucked forever! / You just got no imagination[1], and, spinners, let's get loving![2], and how does thirteen billion light years grab you? / Oh, I thought not ...[1], and, SQUARES, if I take you for a spin ... you're fucked forever! / You just got no imagination[2], and DIZZY(!) in, in, in ... inner space![1], and how does thirteen billion light years grab you? / Oh, I thought not ...[2], and we have EVERYTHING and NOTHING we need right here / So let's enjoy it![1], and DIZZY(!) in, in, in ... inner space![2], and, hey, always, you dig?[3], and we have EVERYTHING and NOTHING we need right here / So let's enjoy it![2], and there is always a galaxy somewhere in the universe ... making us realize just how small we are[3], and I don't want to depress anyone ...[3], and what are you going to do today? / Oh, man, the same thing you do every day?![3], and ... are YOU(!) for real - ?![3], and I am for real!!! / uh, watch me spin myself into eternity[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / I'm afraid there's nothing else for our sort[3], and if I had a spaceship ... I wouldn't be any happier[3], and God and all his voices in one mass may have something to say, or may not ... / What do we know?[3], and without love - where are we right NOW - ?![3], and these conceptuals are like black holes: words and their meanings enter, but nothing leaves[3], and put your mind in, spinner(s)![3], and maybe when I get a galaxy of my own ... / Jesus and I are really close, yeah? Ha![3], and ha, ha, ha! / What else?[3], and two hundred million light years ain't even the half of it / ... not even a fraction[3], and, spinners, let's get loving![3], and, SQUARES, if I take you for a spin ... you're fucked forever! / You just got no imagination[3], and how does thirteen billion light years grab you? / Oh, I thought not ...[3], and DIZZY(!) in, in, in ... inner space![3], and we have EVERYTHING and NOTHING we need right here / So let's enjoy it![3], and

The Panama Papers have revealed the truth

Well, well ... the times they have a-changed. / 'Oh, what's the truth, Mikey?' Er ... is that you, Voice, or one of my readers? 'It's me, boss. Come on, what's the truth?'

The TRUTH(!!!) ... Voice, reader(s), is that the WHOLE WORLD is set up for the benefit and pleasure of the 1 per cent. Now, maybe this was always the case, but the difference TODAY is that everyone can see it, man. Even your average joe in the street can read his or her favourite tabloid newspaper and see this TRUTH.

Will things actually change though? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. There's a chance the 1 per cent will decide for themselves that things have to change if they want to hold on to most of what they have. I mean, if they throw a quarter of their fortune to the mob, maybe the mob will be happy with that and put the torches and pitchforks away. 'Er ... do they have torches and pitchforks, boss?' Not yet, Voice. There were thousands of peaceful demonstrators outside Downing Street at the weekend. We don't know what this sort of protest will develop into ...

My personal view is that I would like to see a fairer version of the world we already have. I don't want(?well ...) a socialist revolution, man, with Jeremy Corbyn and his friends telling us all what to do. This means the 1 per cent really have to get their shit together now and properly appreciate how dangerous the situation is. The only solution is to abolish all tax havens.

...

Anything else? Uh, spiritual/mystical life? I've been meditating on the fact over the weekend that God splits himself up into billions and trillions of voices. We are some of those voices. We have no true self. When we die, our individual voice will return to God and become part of the mass. With no ego, no identity, it will no longer be a voice, just a very small piece of God's consciousness.

Music? My music? On a more cheerful note? Ha! No, not really. I've decided I don't like the title and concept for my new song. / So, oh, I don't know, at least I have the tune, you dig? It's my best piece of music. It needs a very good lyric.

Laters.

Thursday, 7 April 2016

There's a place for Panama-style financial privacy - ?! - ?! [Eh?!]

'What?!' It's the Thursday night PR email, Voice, back by popular demand. Nigel Green reckons Panama is great, man. 'Who?! Nigel who?!' Nigel Green. He's the founder and chief executive of the Bubbles deVere Group. This is what he says -

"Panama should be applauded for its pro-active approach to enhance its effectiveness and credibility as an offshore financial centre, but it should not lose or devalue the legitimate financial privacy it offers, affirms the boss of one of the world’s largest independent financial advisory organizations."

'Is he crazy, boss?' Maybe, Voice. What confuses me is the way he talks about himself ... affirms the boss of one of the world's largest independent financial advisory organizations. What's that all about?

"The comments from Nigel Green, founder and chief executive of the Bubbles deVere Group, come as the Central American country announces it is creating an 'international panel of experts' to help enhance transparency in its offshore financial industry."

You see? He's at it again! I don't think we can take him seriously on Panama. 'Oh, he's a nutter, Mikey.' Nurse!

Or maybe I've got it all wrong. I don't know. I am rather tired, dear reader(s). It's been a long week. Thank God it's the weekend now!

...

BREAKING NEWS! David Cameron did have a stake in his father's offshore fund, but he sold it before becoming PM. Interesting! Is there any reason why he couldn't tell us this the other day? 'Come on! He forgot, boss.' Oh, sure. Ha! What else don't we know? There can be no whitewash at 10 Downing Street, etc.

Laters, reader(s). Have a nice weekend.

[No. 405] We will stretch Arjun Menon

We'll make him a new man with a new life!

And let's get a result![1], and our Arjun doesn't know what he wants ... SAC, Moore, Point72, uh, Highbridge - - - so restless like the would-be ballerina![1], and let's get a result![2], and come to us, man![1], and our Arjun doesn't know what he wants ... SAC, Moore, Point72, uh, Highbridge - - - so restless like the would-be ballerina![2], and he needs to get a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, with us / Mystic kooks know the way![1], and come to us, man![2], and we'll stretch his soul with spinning[1], and he needs to get a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, with us / Mystic kooks know the way![2], and where is he? ... 'Lost in finance, Mikey' ... Christ!!! / Is Mr Menon too busy to get DIZZY(!)?[1], and we'll stretch his soul with spinning[2], and we could call on someone else ... (?) ...[1], and where is he? ... 'Lost in finance, Mikey' ... Christ!!! / Is Mr Menon too busy to get DIZZY(!)?[2], and, er, the would-be ballerina, Mr Villa, does he want to give us a little spin NOW - ?[1], and we could call on someone else ... (?) ...[2], and I'm waiting, I think we all are ...[1], and, er, the would-be ballerina, Mr Villa, does he want to give us a little spin NOW - ?[2], and, oh ... here he is ... 'Arjun, boss?' ... No, Louis - just watch him spin!!![1], and I'm waiting, I think we all are ...[2], and this ... is a RESULT(!), sort of[1], and, oh ... here he is ... 'Arjun, boss?' ... No, Louis - just watch him spin!!![2], and God knows where Arjun is, yes, God knows / I wish He would tell us[1], and this ... is a RESULT(!), sort of[2], and maybe we should leave him to ... another day, another eternity[1], and God knows where Arjun is, yes, God knows / I wish He would tell us[2], and at least our Louis is willing to play the game / 'Ah, he's a good lad, boss'[1], and maybe we should leave him to ... another day, another eternity[2], and Arjun is very stubborn[1], and at least our Louis is willing to play the game / 'Ah, he's a good lad, boss'[2], and all I want to do is fix the poor sod, get him all a-ROUND so he has some hope in life, you dig?[1], and Arjun is very stubborn[2], and humanitarian, that's me![1], and all I want to do is fix the poor sod, get him all a-ROUND so he has some hope in life, you dig?[2], and let's get a result![3], and humanitarian, that's me![2], and our Arjun doesn't know what he wants ... SAC, Moore, Point72, uh, Highbridge - - - so restless like the would-be ballerina![3], and come to us, man![3], and he needs to get a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, with us / Mystic kooks know the way![3], and we'll stretch his soul with spinning[3], and where is he? ... 'Lost in finance, Mikey' ... Christ!!! / Is Mr Menon too busy to get DIZZY(!)?[3], and we could call on someone else ... (?) ...[3], and, er, the would-be ballerina, Mr Villa, does he want to give us a little spin NOW - ?[3], and I'm waiting, I think we all are ...[3], and, oh ... here he is ... 'Arjun, boss?' ... No, Louis - just watch him spin!!![3], and this ... is a RESULT(!), sort of[3], and God knows where Arjun is, yes, God knows / I wish He would tell us[3], and maybe we should leave him to ... another day, another eternity[3], and at least our Louis is willing to play the game / 'Ah, he's a good lad, boss'[3], and Arjun is very stubborn[3], and all I want to do is fix the poor sod, get him all a-ROUND so he has some hope in life, you dig?[3], and humanitarian, that's me![3], and

And let's get a result![1], and our Arjun doesn't know what he wants ... SAC, Moore, Point72, uh, Highbridge - - - so restless like the would-be ballerina![1], and let's get a result![2], and come to us, man![1], and our Arjun doesn't know what he wants ... SAC, Moore, Point72, uh, Highbridge - - - so restless like the would-be ballerina![2], and he needs to get a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, with us / Mystic kooks know the way![1], and come to us, man![2], and we'll stretch his soul with spinning[1], and he needs to get a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, with us / Mystic kooks know the way![2], and where is he? ... 'Lost in finance, Mikey' ... Christ!!! / Is Mr Menon too busy to get DIZZY(!)?[1], and we'll stretch his soul with spinning[2], and we could call on someone else ... (?) ...[1], and where is he? ... 'Lost in finance, Mikey' ... Christ!!! / Is Mr Menon too busy to get DIZZY(!)?[2], and, er, the would-be ballerina, Mr Villa, does he want to give us a little spin NOW - ?[1], and we could call on someone else ... (?) ...[2], and I'm waiting, I think we all are ...[1], and, er, the would-be ballerina, Mr Villa, does he want to give us a little spin NOW - ?[2], and, oh ... here he is ... 'Arjun, boss?' ... No, Louis - just watch him spin!!![1], and I'm waiting, I think we all are ...[2], and this ... is a RESULT(!), sort of[1], and, oh ... here he is ... 'Arjun, boss?' ... No, Louis - just watch him spin!!![2], and God knows where Arjun is, yes, God knows / I wish He would tell us[1], and this ... is a RESULT(!), sort of[2], and maybe we should leave him to ... another day, another eternity[1], and God knows where Arjun is, yes, God knows / I wish He would tell us[2], and at least our Louis is willing to play the game / 'Ah, he's a good lad, boss'[1], and maybe we should leave him to ... another day, another eternity[2], and Arjun is very stubborn[1], and at least our Louis is willing to play the game / 'Ah, he's a good lad, boss'[2], and all I want to do is fix the poor sod, get him all a-ROUND so he has some hope in life, you dig?[1], and Arjun is very stubborn[2], and humanitarian, that's me![1], and all I want to do is fix the poor sod, get him all a-ROUND so he has some hope in life, you dig?[2], and let's get a result![3], and humanitarian, that's me![2], and our Arjun doesn't know what he wants ... SAC, Moore, Point72, uh, Highbridge - - - so restless like the would-be ballerina![3], and come to us, man![3], and he needs to get a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, with us / Mystic kooks know the way![3], and we'll stretch his soul with spinning[3], and where is he? ... 'Lost in finance, Mikey' ... Christ!!! / Is Mr Menon too busy to get DIZZY(!)?[3], and we could call on someone else ... (?) ...[3], and, er, the would-be ballerina, Mr Villa, does he want to give us a little spin NOW - ?[3], and I'm waiting, I think we all are ...[3], and, oh ... here he is ... 'Arjun, boss?' ... No, Louis - just watch him spin!!![3], and this ... is a RESULT(!), sort of[3], and God knows where Arjun is, yes, God knows / I wish He would tell us[3], and maybe we should leave him to ... another day, another eternity[3], and at least our Louis is willing to play the game / 'Ah, he's a good lad, boss'[3], and Arjun is very stubborn[3], and all I want to do is fix the poor sod, get him all a-ROUND so he has some hope in life, you dig?[3], and humanitarian, that's me![3], and

And let's get a result![1], and our Arjun doesn't know what he wants ... SAC, Moore, Point72, uh, Highbridge - - - so restless like the would-be ballerina![1], and let's get a result![2], and come to us, man![1], and our Arjun doesn't know what he wants ... SAC, Moore, Point72, uh, Highbridge - - - so restless like the would-be ballerina![2], and he needs to get a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, with us / Mystic kooks know the way![1], and come to us, man![2], and we'll stretch his soul with spinning[1], and he needs to get a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, with us / Mystic kooks know the way![2], and where is he? ... 'Lost in finance, Mikey' ... Christ!!! / Is Mr Menon too busy to get DIZZY(!)?[1], and we'll stretch his soul with spinning[2], and we could call on someone else ... (?) ...[1], and where is he? ... 'Lost in finance, Mikey' ... Christ!!! / Is Mr Menon too busy to get DIZZY(!)?[2], and, er, the would-be ballerina, Mr Villa, does he want to give us a little spin NOW - ?[1], and we could call on someone else ... (?) ...[2], and I'm waiting, I think we all are ...[1], and, er, the would-be ballerina, Mr Villa, does he want to give us a little spin NOW - ?[2], and, oh ... here he is ... 'Arjun, boss?' ... No, Louis - just watch him spin!!![1], and I'm waiting, I think we all are ...[2], and this ... is a RESULT(!), sort of[1], and, oh ... here he is ... 'Arjun, boss?' ... No, Louis - just watch him spin!!![2], and God knows where Arjun is, yes, God knows / I wish He would tell us[1], and this ... is a RESULT(!), sort of[2], and maybe we should leave him to ... another day, another eternity[1], and God knows where Arjun is, yes, God knows / I wish He would tell us[2], and at least our Louis is willing to play the game / 'Ah, he's a good lad, boss'[1], and maybe we should leave him to ... another day, another eternity[2], and Arjun is very stubborn[1], and at least our Louis is willing to play the game / 'Ah, he's a good lad, boss'[2], and all I want to do is fix the poor sod, get him all a-ROUND so he has some hope in life, you dig?[1], and Arjun is very stubborn[2], and humanitarian, that's me![1], and all I want to do is fix the poor sod, get him all a-ROUND so he has some hope in life, you dig?[2], and let's get a result![3], and humanitarian, that's me![2], and our Arjun doesn't know what he wants ... SAC, Moore, Point72, uh, Highbridge - - - so restless like the would-be ballerina![3], and come to us, man![3], and he needs to get a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, with us / Mystic kooks know the way![3], and we'll stretch his soul with spinning[3], and where is he? ... 'Lost in finance, Mikey' ... Christ!!! / Is Mr Menon too busy to get DIZZY(!)?[3], and we could call on someone else ... (?) ...[3], and, er, the would-be ballerina, Mr Villa, does he want to give us a little spin NOW - ?[3], and I'm waiting, I think we all are ...[3], and, oh ... here he is ... 'Arjun, boss?' ... No, Louis - just watch him spin!!![3], and this ... is a RESULT(!), sort of[3], and God knows where Arjun is, yes, God knows / I wish He would tell us[3], and maybe we should leave him to ... another day, another eternity[3], and at least our Louis is willing to play the game / 'Ah, he's a good lad, boss'[3], and Arjun is very stubborn[3], and all I want to do is fix the poor sod, get him all a-ROUND so he has some hope in life, you dig?[3], and humanitarian, that's me![3], and

Marcello Sallusti has got a job at Numen Capital

And it might be his first ever job, I don't know. 'Er ... is that Gary Numan Capital, boss?' No, it's not, Voice. That weirdo has got nothing to do with it. You're thinking of the Are 'Friends' Eclectic fund, run by Mark Hawtin. 'Am I?!' Listen! Let's concentrate on Mr Sallusti. I've been looking at his LinkedIn profile, which I find rather disturbing, man. 'Why?' He's only ever had one job, it seems. 'Really?' Hang on a minute. [One minute passes.] Er, uh ... oh no, I've got it wrong. 'What?' He had only one job. Our Marcello had one job at Egerton Capital. He was the deputy chief investment officer at the firm - a hedge fund, I believe. But he doesn't mention Numen Capital, where he is now - where he'll be managing a new fund, I imagine. So, two jobs! And this Numen Capital? -

Numen Capital LLP, based in London, was established in May 2008 by Filippo Lanza and Kushal Kumar as a credit-focused, absolute return investment manager. The firm’s investment expertise is focused on liquid and super liquid credit markets, with a strong track record in the application of intensive credit analysis to both old and new credit risks.

You see? 'Yeah.' / Well, well ... two jobs since leaving school. 'Did he even have a paper round, boss?' Probably not. It seems Marcello went straight into finance as a deputy chief investment officer. 'Wow! Pretty impressive!' It certainly is. If we can believe it. I mean, I hope Marcello isn't telling us lies. 'He wouldn't do that!' Wouldn't he, Voice? The problem is, you can put anything you like on these LinkedIn profiles.

Well, dear reader(s), let's give Mr Sallusti the benefit of the doubt, yeah? I'm sure he's a decent sort. We hear stories about all the dodgy ones, but I reckon our Marcello is all right.

...

Anything else? I'm listening to three great songs from 1991, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, as it were, or ... as it is, actually. One by U2, Losing My Religion by R.E.M., and Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. A good year for music! Imagine something like that happening again, these days. 'Ha!' Exactly.

My music? Well, some good news. I've got a title and a concept for the lyric of my new song. 'Yippee!' That's always a breakthrough moment. The rest of it is only a matter of time now.