Sunday, 25 February 2007

Aphorisms

Money is the root of all freedom.

The worst thing about being poor is that it puts you at the mercy of do-gooders.

People who live in Hampstead represent the unacceptable face of socialism.

We should all be concerned about how green issues are affecting business. Let's destroy the planet before it's too late.

Look after the pennies and the pounds will be looked after by Gordon Brown.

Saying you despise money-grubbing does not necessarily mean you despise it. More often than not this is merely an excuse for failure or an opportunity for self-righteousness.

Have you heard the one about the eye of the needle and the camel? Surely God would never succumb to the politics of envy.

This vale of tears is truly awful, unless of course you've just collected your winnings after the 4 o'clock at Kempton.

The true seeker shall plunge into the abyss of the stock market.

Where on earth did Faust study law? Mephistopheles took him for a ride. Always negotiate hard and get the best deal you can.

There's no shame in being a miser. Who wants to be the poorest person in the graveyard?

There's nothing wrong with throwing your money around either. Just be sure to let me know.

Monday, 19 February 2007

Money is the way and it's so beautiful

Money is the way and it's so beautiful, it's such a beautiful way. Socialism is dead and greed is good and all is well. The birds are singing in the trees, the cash registers are overflowing, and big hairy bears are crowding around the honeypot. If I were a reasonably well-off man, if only. What will make you happy? What will lift you up? Money! What will cleanse your soul? What will stop your tears? Money! You bet. Money is the way to paradise on earth. Money is the answer. Stuff it in your pockets! Stuff it under your mattress! Spread it on your toast! Sublime money, mental money, spiritual money. Let a money spider crawl over your face. Enjoy the moment. Love the spider. Love money.

Is this a credit card which I see before me? O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad credit.

The FTSE 100 was up today, then it was down. Up down, Up down, all the shares flying around. Let me tell you the truth about money. Gold sovereigns for eyes. Dow Jones and the temple of cash. Capitalist poets of the world unite! Your time has come! The world is yours! I hope God will forgive me for all this, but I can't help it, I have to preach to you all. My people, come to me. Let me wash away your sins with money. Holy money. Beautiful money. I have seen the light, and money is the way. I want to suck on a wad of banknotes. I want to be one with the notes. It's like jazz! Jazz money! I can't stop bopping to the beat. Hear those notes! Bebop boop - £50! Bebop beep - $100! Oh baby! Have you ever felt this good?