Thursday 28 January 2016

Pamplona Capital Management introduces Pedro Rapallo to the world of finance

Well, that's not exactly true, reader(s), but I couldn't resist. A touch of bullshit never did anyone any harm. No, our Pedro is a veteran, certainly. He's just got himself a new job at Pamplona Capital, that's all. Yes, it's the Thursday night PR email, back by popular demand. Let me lay it on you ...

Pamplona Capital Management is pleased to announce the appointment of Pedro Rapallo as an Operating Partner in order to supplement its deal team and support its focus on the Iberian Peninsula. In this new position, Pedro, along with the Pamplona Capital team, will drive new investment opportunities in Spain and Portugal.

Great! But what did John Halsted say? I'm in heaven when you smile? No. He said -

"Pedro brings a wealth of local knowledge and expertise in Spain and Portugal and a large experience in the global financial services industry. Pedro's insight will be invaluable for Pamplona Capital as we increase our focus on investment opportunities in Iberia" said John Halsted, Managing Partner at Pamplona Capital.

Yes, said John Halsted. I'm inclined to believe him, too. / And Pamplona Capital?

Pamplona Capital Management is a London and New York based specialist investment manager established in 2005 that provides an alternative investment platform across private equity, fund of fund of hedge fund funds and single manager hedge fund investments. Pamplona Capital Management, LLP manages over USD 10 billion in assets across a number of funds for a variety of clients including public pension funds, international wealth managers, multinational corporations, family offices and funds of funds of funds of hedge funds. Pamplona is currently managing its fourth private equity fund, Pamplona Capital Partners IV LP, which raised $4 billion in 2014. Pamplona invests long-term capital across the capital structure of its portfolio companies in both public and private market situations.

So, there you have it, my friend(s). Don't you ever say I don't give you detailed information about what's going on. Don't you dare, man!

...

Well, that's it for this week. I can get on and finish that book now. 'What book, boss?' Creation Stories, Voice, by Alan McGee. And it's bloody good. Here's an example: My dad had one brother, who passed away not too long ago. He'd been shot in the head in Cyprus during the Second World War. It didn't seem to hold him back much. / Laters.

[No. 385] Mickey and Felix don't need another firm, another fund ...

They need love! My love, our love ...

And, well, my friend(s) ... watch them SPIN!!![1], and Mickey and Felix are a-ROUND here with the mystic kooks ... ? / it doesn't get any better, man![1], and, well, my friend(s) ... watch them SPIN!!![2], and investors will shake their heads and wonder where it all went wrong ... 'ha!' ... those SQUARES!!![1], and Mickey and Felix are a-ROUND here with the mystic kooks ... ? / it doesn't get any better, man![2], and love is all a-ROUND[1], and investors will shake their heads and wonder where it all went wrong ... 'ha!' ... those SQUARES!!![2], and I can understand the anger and the pain ... / and I can understand the desire to escape ...[1], and love is all a-ROUND[2], and ... oh, we all want to get beyond the THREE[1], and I can understand the anger and the pain ... / and I can understand the desire to escape ...[2], and one of these spins ... love will lift us higher than the sun / FUCK ALL THE RAINBOWS, YEAH?![1], and ... oh, we all want to get beyond the THREE[2], and drums, NOW(!) / I'm prepared to dig it all[1], and one of these spins ... love will lift us higher than the sun / FUCK ALL THE RAINBOWS, YEAH?![2], and it's a disease blood and fire fever from the desert to the conceptual insanity with such style[1], and drums, NOW(!) / I'm prepared to dig it all[2], and electric, NOW(!) / The buzzing is there if you want it, if you can believe in it ...[1], and it's a disease blood and fire fever from the desert to the conceptual insanity with such style[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't stop, don't wanna stop[1], and electric, NOW(!) / The buzzing is there if you want it, if you can believe in it ...[2], and love is our drug ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't stop, don't wanna stop[2], and investors will get their money back ... / Oh, I hope it makes them so very happy, ha![1], and love is our drug ...[2], and I'm flying high, natural joy![1], and investors will get their money back ... / Oh, I hope it makes them so very happy, ha![2], and Mickey and Felix have a future so bright / Man, kids like that own the future, YOU(!) ... dig?[1], and I'm flying high, natural joy![2], and, well, my friend(s) ... watch them SPIN!!![3], and Mickey and Felix have a future so bright / Man, kids like that own the future, YOU(!) ... dig?[2], and Mickey and Felix are a-ROUND here with the mystic kooks ... ? / it doesn't get any better, man![3], and investors will shake their heads and wonder where it all went wrong ... 'ha!' ... those SQUARES!!![3], and love is all a-ROUND[3], and I can understand the anger and the pain ... / and I can understand the desire to escape ...[3], and ... oh, we all want to get beyond the THREE[3], and one of these spins ... love will lift us higher than the sun / FUCK ALL THE RAINBOWS, YEAH?![3], and drums, NOW(!) / I'm prepared to dig it all[3], and it's a disease blood and fire fever from the desert to the conceptual insanity with such style[3], and electric, NOW(!) / The buzzing is there if you want it, if you can believe in it ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't stop, don't wanna stop[3], and love is our drug ...[3], and investors will get their money back ... / Oh, I hope it makes them so very happy, ha![3], and I'm flying high, natural joy![3], and Mickey and Felix have a future so bright / Man, kids like that own the future, YOU(!) ... dig?[3], and

And, well, my friend(s) ... watch them SPIN!!![1], and Mickey and Felix are a-ROUND here with the mystic kooks ... ? / it doesn't get any better, man![1], and, well, my friend(s) ... watch them SPIN!!![2], and investors will shake their heads and wonder where it all went wrong ... 'ha!' ... those SQUARES!!![1], and Mickey and Felix are a-ROUND here with the mystic kooks ... ? / it doesn't get any better, man![2], and love is all a-ROUND[1], and investors will shake their heads and wonder where it all went wrong ... 'ha!' ... those SQUARES!!![2], and I can understand the anger and the pain ... / and I can understand the desire to escape ...[1], and love is all a-ROUND[2], and ... oh, we all want to get beyond the THREE[1], and I can understand the anger and the pain ... / and I can understand the desire to escape ...[2], and one of these spins ... love will lift us higher than the sun / FUCK ALL THE RAINBOWS, YEAH?![1], and ... oh, we all want to get beyond the THREE[2], and drums, NOW(!) / I'm prepared to dig it all[1], and one of these spins ... love will lift us higher than the sun / FUCK ALL THE RAINBOWS, YEAH?![2], and it's a disease blood and fire fever from the desert to the conceptual insanity with such style[1], and drums, NOW(!) / I'm prepared to dig it all[2], and electric, NOW(!) / The buzzing is there if you want it, if you can believe in it ...[1], and it's a disease blood and fire fever from the desert to the conceptual insanity with such style[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't stop, don't wanna stop[1], and electric, NOW(!) / The buzzing is there if you want it, if you can believe in it ...[2], and love is our drug ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't stop, don't wanna stop[2], and investors will get their money back ... / Oh, I hope it makes them so very happy, ha![1], and love is our drug ...[2], and I'm flying high, natural joy![1], and investors will get their money back ... / Oh, I hope it makes them so very happy, ha![2], and Mickey and Felix have a future so bright / Man, kids like that own the future, YOU(!) ... dig?[1], and I'm flying high, natural joy![2], and, well, my friend(s) ... watch them SPIN!!![3], and Mickey and Felix have a future so bright / Man, kids like that own the future, YOU(!) ... dig?[2], and Mickey and Felix are a-ROUND here with the mystic kooks ... ? / it doesn't get any better, man![3], and investors will shake their heads and wonder where it all went wrong ... 'ha!' ... those SQUARES!!![3], and love is all a-ROUND[3], and I can understand the anger and the pain ... / and I can understand the desire to escape ...[3], and ... oh, we all want to get beyond the THREE[3], and one of these spins ... love will lift us higher than the sun / FUCK ALL THE RAINBOWS, YEAH?![3], and drums, NOW(!) / I'm prepared to dig it all[3], and it's a disease blood and fire fever from the desert to the conceptual insanity with such style[3], and electric, NOW(!) / The buzzing is there if you want it, if you can believe in it ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't stop, don't wanna stop[3], and love is our drug ...[3], and investors will get their money back ... / Oh, I hope it makes them so very happy, ha![3], and I'm flying high, natural joy![3], and Mickey and Felix have a future so bright / Man, kids like that own the future, YOU(!) ... dig?[3], and

And, well, my friend(s) ... watch them SPIN!!![1], and Mickey and Felix are a-ROUND here with the mystic kooks ... ? / it doesn't get any better, man![1], and, well, my friend(s) ... watch them SPIN!!![2], and investors will shake their heads and wonder where it all went wrong ... 'ha!' ... those SQUARES!!![1], and Mickey and Felix are a-ROUND here with the mystic kooks ... ? / it doesn't get any better, man![2], and love is all a-ROUND[1], and investors will shake their heads and wonder where it all went wrong ... 'ha!' ... those SQUARES!!![2], and I can understand the anger and the pain ... / and I can understand the desire to escape ...[1], and love is all a-ROUND[2], and ... oh, we all want to get beyond the THREE[1], and I can understand the anger and the pain ... / and I can understand the desire to escape ...[2], and one of these spins ... love will lift us higher than the sun / FUCK ALL THE RAINBOWS, YEAH?![1], and ... oh, we all want to get beyond the THREE[2], and drums, NOW(!) / I'm prepared to dig it all[1], and one of these spins ... love will lift us higher than the sun / FUCK ALL THE RAINBOWS, YEAH?![2], and it's a disease blood and fire fever from the desert to the conceptual insanity with such style[1], and drums, NOW(!) / I'm prepared to dig it all[2], and electric, NOW(!) / The buzzing is there if you want it, if you can believe in it ...[1], and it's a disease blood and fire fever from the desert to the conceptual insanity with such style[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't stop, don't wanna stop[1], and electric, NOW(!) / The buzzing is there if you want it, if you can believe in it ...[2], and love is our drug ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't stop, don't wanna stop[2], and investors will get their money back ... / Oh, I hope it makes them so very happy, ha![1], and love is our drug ...[2], and I'm flying high, natural joy![1], and investors will get their money back ... / Oh, I hope it makes them so very happy, ha![2], and Mickey and Felix have a future so bright / Man, kids like that own the future, YOU(!) ... dig?[1], and I'm flying high, natural joy![2], and, well, my friend(s) ... watch them SPIN!!![3], and Mickey and Felix have a future so bright / Man, kids like that own the future, YOU(!) ... dig?[2], and Mickey and Felix are a-ROUND here with the mystic kooks ... ? / it doesn't get any better, man![3], and investors will shake their heads and wonder where it all went wrong ... 'ha!' ... those SQUARES!!![3], and love is all a-ROUND[3], and I can understand the anger and the pain ... / and I can understand the desire to escape ...[3], and ... oh, we all want to get beyond the THREE[3], and one of these spins ... love will lift us higher than the sun / FUCK ALL THE RAINBOWS, YEAH?![3], and drums, NOW(!) / I'm prepared to dig it all[3], and it's a disease blood and fire fever from the desert to the conceptual insanity with such style[3], and electric, NOW(!) / The buzzing is there if you want it, if you can believe in it ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We can't stop, don't wanna stop[3], and love is our drug ...[3], and investors will get their money back ... / Oh, I hope it makes them so very happy, ha![3], and I'm flying high, natural joy![3], and Mickey and Felix have a future so bright / Man, kids like that own the future, YOU(!) ... dig?[3], and

Michael Mabbutt and Felix Martin have left Liontrust Asset Management - !!!

They were managing the Liontrust GF Global Strategic Bond fund, but Michael and Felix have gone - just like that! Resigned! No one knows what they will be doing next. 'You mean you don't know, boss.' No one knows, Voice. Not even the guys. 'Ha! I'm sure they know, man. They probably have plans to join another firm.' Oh, well, life is what happens while you're busy making other plans, you know? 'Eh?' Anything could happen, Voice. How do we know they're not going to join a religious cult? 'Do you have any particular cult in mind?' Well ... sure, they can join me, if they want to. I mean, maybe we don't muck about in the desert any more, astral and physical, but we still have fun, don't we? 'Yeah, with your conceptual stuff, getting DIZZY(!) all a-ROUND, like there's no tomorrow.' There is no tomorrow, son. When you're DIZZY(!), everything is RIGHT NOW(!), you dig? 'I dig it, baby!' Ha! / Oh, this Liontrust GF Global Strategic Bond fund is closing with all money being returned to investors. Which seems a bit harsh. 'Christ!' Can't anyone else manage the fund? Strange.

By the way, dear readers(s), I've looked, and, er ... well, I can't find any LinkedIn profiles for our Mickey and Felix. They're just not on it. It's pretty shocking in this day and age. 'You're not on LinkedIn, Mikey.' I was, for about five minutes. 'Why did you leave?' I couldn't stand the boredom. 'And now you're on Twitter. When will you be leaving that?' Soon, I should think. But enough of my awful online life ... / Obviously, it goes without saying that I - 'Wish Mickey and Felix all the best in whatever they do next, yeah?' No. It goes without saying ... I will be taking the guys for a spin after lunch, No. 385. 'Oh.' Of course, you could argue "whatever they do next" will be getting DIZZY(!) out of their fucking heads with a view to getting beyond the THREE. 'Beyond the THREE?! Some hope!' You never know, Voice.

...

Anything else? Music? My music? Don't ask! I'm desperately trying to come up with a lyric for my new tune. I've got no ideas at the moment. 'Shit, Mikey! Come on!' Yeah, I want to get things moving, man. I want this new song on my (other) blog within two weeks. The future of pop is at stake!!!

Wednesday 27 January 2016

Leadenhall Capital Partners launches a new catastrophe

Jesus save us, man!!! Your poor sinners are crying out for salvation!!! / Leadenhall Capital Partners ... just like that! They unleash it upon the world, chaos and disaster! 'Eh?!' It's the evil that men do, Voice ... and women. Truly, they are the masters of disaster! [Chris Leermouth is enjoying every second of it. Just watch him grin!] 'Wait a minute, boss!' Oh, what can we do, reader(s)? NOTHING!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Is this the promised end? Or image of that horror? From Leadenhall's website: Leadenhall Capital Partners LLP is a London based investment manager wholly focused on investing in insurance linked investments portfolios for institutional investors. Established in 2008, Leadenhall is a joint venture between an international Lloyd's of London underwriter of insurance and reinsurance, the Amlin Group, and a highly experienced management team. Through its hellish Non-Life investment strategies Leadenhall offers ... - Ah, I can't continue! My soul is in danger! Satan take them home!!!

'Boss! Leadenhall UCITS ILS? $80 million? It's a fund.' Don't give me cold, hard facts, Voice. You fool! / Uh, reader(s), I am lost in the catastrophe, so GONE(!) ... but with no rainbow to call my own. I see the storms of blood and fire, enough to overwhelm any shaman. I see the rain in the desert, and a bad moon. Lightning! / I must keep going, keep fighting!

...

Well, well ... 'Drama queen.' Shut it! / Anything else? Music? Last night I adjusted the structure of Monday's new tune and added a bridge/middle eight. It's now my best piece of music. Hopefully, I'll be able to get a decent lyric for it soon, and then I'll put it in first place on my demo and remove Gilly, Gilly. / I was going to start contacting publishers who are prepared to listen to new music - there are only a couple of suitable ones, unfortunately, Christ! - but I'll hold off on that for a while ...

Well, er, well ... / I'm pretty positive, man. In the free world? This is as good as it gets. 'It's just a dream, man!' No, Voice, you're thinking of the dummy lyric/title.

Tuesday 26 January 2016

[No. 384] It's just a dream, man

I should feel such a dummy bringing my dummy lyric here all a-ROUND, but I don't, man. I'm so full of joy!

And it's a real dream, man / fragments ...[1], and my light is shining through / Oh, I'm pretty sure my light will shine on ... YOU(!)[1], and it's a real dream, man / fragments ...[2], and, er, but, but, but ... a dream![1], and my light is shining through / Oh, I'm pretty sure my light will shine on ... YOU(!)[2], and if you ain't happy, what are you ... SAD?! / Come on, grab yourself some of the action![1], and, er, but, but, but ... a dream![2], and the action is all spiritual, inside, yeah?[1], and if you ain't happy, what are you ... SAD?! / Come on, grab yourself some of the action![2], and life is a big struggle if you feel small ... / ... oh, kid, don't you feel small, no![1], and the action is all spiritual, inside, yeah?[2], and bang a gong, please![1], and life is a big struggle if you feel small ... / ... oh, kid, don't you feel small, no![2], and you've got to take the rough with the smooth, and just get it on - like Tom Cruise in Collateral[1], and bang a gong, please![2], and ... improvise! / JAZZ![1], and you've got to take the rough with the smooth, and just get it on - like Tom Cruise in Collateral[2], and I got a bad feeling you're making life a shit-filled nightmare for yourself, but it doesn't have to be that way ...[1], and ... improvise! / JAZZ![2], and this is ... what do you think? Yes, try to think, but not too much, uh, don't hurt yourself ...[1], and I got a bad feeling you're making life a shit-filled nightmare for yourself, but it doesn't have to be that way ...[2], and, me?! Oh, you know ... I always do it my way[1], and this is ... what do you think? Yes, try to think, but not too much, uh, don't hurt yourself ...[2], and I can turn nightmares into dreams ... / / / ... I deal with idiot demons, using simple magic[1], and, me?! Oh, you know ... I always do it my way[2], and do YOU(!) ... want to do a deal?[1], and I can turn nightmares into dreams ... / / / ... I deal with idiot demons, using simple magic[2], and who would choose to invest in this - ha! / and ... fuck, fuck, fuck ... until the end of our time[1], and do YOU(!) ... want to do a deal?[2], and it's just a fantasy, my friend(s)[1], and who would choose to invest in this - ha! / and ... fuck, fuck, fuck ... until the end of our time[2], and you can solve a puzzle, a great mystery, a disgrace ... on your own time / ... but leave me out of it!!![1], and it's just a fantasy, my friend(s)[2], and it's just something I cooked up for fun, you dig?[1], and you can solve a puzzle, a great mystery, a disgrace ... on your own time / ... but leave me out of it!!![2], and it's a real dream, man / fragments ...[3], and it's just something I cooked up for fun, you dig?[2], and my light is shining through / Oh, I'm pretty sure my light will shine on ... YOU(!)[3], and, er, but, but, but ... a dream![3], and if you ain't happy, what are you ... SAD?! / Come on, grab yourself some of the action![3], and the action is all spiritual, inside, yeah?[3], and life is a big struggle if you feel small ... / ... oh, kid, don't you feel small, no![3], and bang a gong, please![3], and you've got to take the rough with the smooth, and just get it on - like Tom Cruise in Collateral[3], and ... improvise! / JAZZ![3], and I got a bad feeling you're making life a shit-filled nightmare for yourself, but it doesn't have to be that way ...[3], and this is ... what do you think? Yes, try to think, but not too much, uh, don't hurt yourself ...[3], and, me?! Oh, you know ... I always do it my way[3], and I can turn nightmares into dreams ... / / / ... I deal with idiot demons, using simple magic[3], and do YOU(!) ... want to do a deal?[3], and who would choose to invest in this - ha! / and ... fuck, fuck, fuck ... until the end of our time[3], and it's just a fantasy, my friend(s)[3], and you can solve a puzzle, a great mystery, a disgrace ... on your own time / ... but leave me out of it!!![3], and it's just something I cooked up for fun, you dig?[3], and

And it's a real dream, man / fragments ...[1], and my light is shining through / Oh, I'm pretty sure my light will shine on ... YOU(!)[1], and it's a real dream, man / fragments ...[2], and, er, but, but, but ... a dream![1], and my light is shining through / Oh, I'm pretty sure my light will shine on ... YOU(!)[2], and if you ain't happy, what are you ... SAD?! / Come on, grab yourself some of the action![1], and, er, but, but, but ... a dream![2], and the action is all spiritual, inside, yeah?[1], and if you ain't happy, what are you ... SAD?! / Come on, grab yourself some of the action![2], and life is a big struggle if you feel small ... / ... oh, kid, don't you feel small, no![1], and the action is all spiritual, inside, yeah?[2], and bang a gong, please![1], and life is a big struggle if you feel small ... / ... oh, kid, don't you feel small, no![2], and you've got to take the rough with the smooth, and just get it on - like Tom Cruise in Collateral[1], and bang a gong, please![2], and ... improvise! / JAZZ![1], and you've got to take the rough with the smooth, and just get it on - like Tom Cruise in Collateral[2], and I got a bad feeling you're making life a shit-filled nightmare for yourself, but it doesn't have to be that way ...[1], and ... improvise! / JAZZ![2], and this is ... what do you think? Yes, try to think, but not too much, uh, don't hurt yourself ...[1], and I got a bad feeling you're making life a shit-filled nightmare for yourself, but it doesn't have to be that way ...[2], and, me?! Oh, you know ... I always do it my way[1], and this is ... what do you think? Yes, try to think, but not too much, uh, don't hurt yourself ...[2], and I can turn nightmares into dreams ... / / / ... I deal with idiot demons, using simple magic[1], and, me?! Oh, you know ... I always do it my way[2], and do YOU(!) ... want to do a deal?[1], and I can turn nightmares into dreams ... / / / ... I deal with idiot demons, using simple magic[2], and who would choose to invest in this - ha! / and ... fuck, fuck, fuck ... until the end of our time[1], and do YOU(!) ... want to do a deal?[2], and it's just a fantasy, my friend(s)[1], and who would choose to invest in this - ha! / and ... fuck, fuck, fuck ... until the end of our time[2], and you can solve a puzzle, a great mystery, a disgrace ... on your own time / ... but leave me out of it!!![1], and it's just a fantasy, my friend(s)[2], and it's just something I cooked up for fun, you dig?[1], and you can solve a puzzle, a great mystery, a disgrace ... on your own time / ... but leave me out of it!!![2], and it's a real dream, man / fragments ...[3], and it's just something I cooked up for fun, you dig?[2], and my light is shining through / Oh, I'm pretty sure my light will shine on ... YOU(!)[3], and, er, but, but, but ... a dream![3], and if you ain't happy, what are you ... SAD?! / Come on, grab yourself some of the action![3], and the action is all spiritual, inside, yeah?[3], and life is a big struggle if you feel small ... / ... oh, kid, don't you feel small, no![3], and bang a gong, please![3], and you've got to take the rough with the smooth, and just get it on - like Tom Cruise in Collateral[3], and ... improvise! / JAZZ![3], and I got a bad feeling you're making life a shit-filled nightmare for yourself, but it doesn't have to be that way ...[3], and this is ... what do you think? Yes, try to think, but not too much, uh, don't hurt yourself ...[3], and, me?! Oh, you know ... I always do it my way[3], and I can turn nightmares into dreams ... / / / ... I deal with idiot demons, using simple magic[3], and do YOU(!) ... want to do a deal?[3], and who would choose to invest in this - ha! / and ... fuck, fuck, fuck ... until the end of our time[3], and it's just a fantasy, my friend(s)[3], and you can solve a puzzle, a great mystery, a disgrace ... on your own time / ... but leave me out of it!!![3], and it's just something I cooked up for fun, you dig?[3], and

And it's a real dream, man / fragments ...[1], and my light is shining through / Oh, I'm pretty sure my light will shine on ... YOU(!)[1], and it's a real dream, man / fragments ...[2], and, er, but, but, but ... a dream![1], and my light is shining through / Oh, I'm pretty sure my light will shine on ... YOU(!)[2], and if you ain't happy, what are you ... SAD?! / Come on, grab yourself some of the action![1], and, er, but, but, but ... a dream![2], and the action is all spiritual, inside, yeah?[1], and if you ain't happy, what are you ... SAD?! / Come on, grab yourself some of the action![2], and life is a big struggle if you feel small ... / ... oh, kid, don't you feel small, no![1], and the action is all spiritual, inside, yeah?[2], and bang a gong, please![1], and life is a big struggle if you feel small ... / ... oh, kid, don't you feel small, no![2], and you've got to take the rough with the smooth, and just get it on - like Tom Cruise in Collateral[1], and bang a gong, please![2], and ... improvise! / JAZZ![1], and you've got to take the rough with the smooth, and just get it on - like Tom Cruise in Collateral[2], and I got a bad feeling you're making life a shit-filled nightmare for yourself, but it doesn't have to be that way ...[1], and ... improvise! / JAZZ![2], and this is ... what do you think? Yes, try to think, but not too much, uh, don't hurt yourself ...[1], and I got a bad feeling you're making life a shit-filled nightmare for yourself, but it doesn't have to be that way ...[2], and, me?! Oh, you know ... I always do it my way[1], and this is ... what do you think? Yes, try to think, but not too much, uh, don't hurt yourself ...[2], and I can turn nightmares into dreams ... / / / ... I deal with idiot demons, using simple magic[1], and, me?! Oh, you know ... I always do it my way[2], and do YOU(!) ... want to do a deal?[1], and I can turn nightmares into dreams ... / / / ... I deal with idiot demons, using simple magic[2], and who would choose to invest in this - ha! / and ... fuck, fuck, fuck ... until the end of our time[1], and do YOU(!) ... want to do a deal?[2], and it's just a fantasy, my friend(s)[1], and who would choose to invest in this - ha! / and ... fuck, fuck, fuck ... until the end of our time[2], and you can solve a puzzle, a great mystery, a disgrace ... on your own time / ... but leave me out of it!!![1], and it's just a fantasy, my friend(s)[2], and it's just something I cooked up for fun, you dig?[1], and you can solve a puzzle, a great mystery, a disgrace ... on your own time / ... but leave me out of it!!![2], and it's a real dream, man / fragments ...[3], and it's just something I cooked up for fun, you dig?[2], and my light is shining through / Oh, I'm pretty sure my light will shine on ... YOU(!)[3], and, er, but, but, but ... a dream![3], and if you ain't happy, what are you ... SAD?! / Come on, grab yourself some of the action![3], and the action is all spiritual, inside, yeah?[3], and life is a big struggle if you feel small ... / ... oh, kid, don't you feel small, no![3], and bang a gong, please![3], and you've got to take the rough with the smooth, and just get it on - like Tom Cruise in Collateral[3], and ... improvise! / JAZZ![3], and I got a bad feeling you're making life a shit-filled nightmare for yourself, but it doesn't have to be that way ...[3], and this is ... what do you think? Yes, try to think, but not too much, uh, don't hurt yourself ...[3], and, me?! Oh, you know ... I always do it my way[3], and I can turn nightmares into dreams ... / / / ... I deal with idiot demons, using simple magic[3], and do YOU(!) ... want to do a deal?[3], and who would choose to invest in this - ha! / and ... fuck, fuck, fuck ... until the end of our time[3], and it's just a fantasy, my friend(s)[3], and you can solve a puzzle, a great mystery, a disgrace ... on your own time / ... but leave me out of it!!![3], and it's just something I cooked up for fun, you dig?[3], and

Guillermo Osses has got a job at Man Group

Well done, Guillermo, son! 'Man Group, boss, or GLG?' Er ... GLG. Part of Man Group. 'Yeah, but why didn't you say that? You don't want to give your readers the impression that Mr Osses is some robot/computer square. He's a shaman, ain't he?' I don't know, Voice. I suppose there's a good chance he is, if he's at GLG. 'Hang on!' What? 'It just says Man GLG here.' Where? 'Here!' Okay.

Well, what does Mr Osses say, himself, like? He says: "Man GLG is a performance-focused business and its institutional framework, combined with an entrepreneurial environment and mystical culture, make this a very compelling opportunity. I am very excited to be joining the firm, and working alongside Teun and his team as we strive to build a world class emerging markets fixed income investment management business." / Ah, very clever. He's a clever guy, our Guillermo. 'Why?' He's being diplomatic. He's obviously working for GLG. What would I say? Me?! I would just say this: Thank God I'm on the GLG side of things, man. I couldn't stand working with those goddamn Man Group squares, you dig?

Oh, his job? Mr Osses is going to be head of emerging market debt strategies. I don't think he's doing it yet. His LinkedIn profile says he's still at HSBC as head of global fixed income emerging markets portfolio management.

Well, well ... / And what does his boss, Teun Johnson, say? Well, he says: "It is with great pleasure that we welcome Guillermo to Man GLG. He has extensive experience in investment management in the astral and physical realms, and a very eccentric investment process, alongside a proven track record of investing and managing investment teams in the emerging markets fixed income space. Guillermo will also be instrumental in broadening our capabilities in the cosmic space and enhancing our client offering with blood and fire."

Ha! 'Ha! Ha!' Yes, definitely GLG. Definitely!

...

Anything else? Music? I wrote a new tune yesterday. So I have three tunes now which need lyrics. Oh, I'll get a-ROUND to it one day, when I'm all DIZZY(!) and shit. 'Really, boss? You should take your lyric writing seriously.' I do, Voice. Getting a-ROUND is a serious business. It may look like insane fun, but it's a very serious business. 'Will you be getting a-ROUND today?' I don't know yet. Maybe tomorrow. I've got all kinds of fish to fry at the moment ...

Sunday 24 January 2016

Nigel Hart has got this new long/short thing ...

A new hedge fund at Advenio Capital Management. I'm not sure if he works there. They might just be letting him use a desk, I don't know. 'Maybe he should get his own office, boss.' Yeah, maybe, Voice. [Times are hard!] Actually, Nigel's LinkedIn profile says he's a managing partner at Advenio, but I've read elsewhere he's, er ... under the auspices or something. 'Under the arches?!' Ha! Under the auspices, man. Although he will be under the arches soon if he doesn't get his life sorted out. 'And what about the fund, boss?' Oh, the fund, the vehicle, as it were, or ... as it is, is a long/short global equities hedge fund. 'Does it have a name?' Not as far as I know.

Christ! These hedgies ... / This is all over in America, by the way, dear reader(s), Greenwich. So maybe we shouldn't get upset about it. I mean, it's nothing to do with us, is it? 'What about your American readers, boss?' Eh?! What about my Australian readers?! Give me a break! What about my Welsh readers?! Who cares?! Leave me alone ...

Obviously, I shouldn't have to say this, but it goes without saying that I wish Mr Hart all the best with this new thing of his. 'Does he have a wife? They could run it together, like Hart to Hart.' Yes, very funny. You should be on the telly. Idiot!

...

Well, well ... / Yeah, Sunday afternoon. It's quite warm. Is winter over? I hope so. Roll on summer! And Cornwall! / Monday? I probably won't be writing tomorrow. If I don't go out - which is definitely a possibility, depending on the weather - I'll stay in. 'That makes sense!' I fancy a twelve-hour session on my music, to see how much I can get done. I need some new tunes, man. / Reader(s), that dream tune I told you about is in its final form now. Just shy of six minutes long, it needs a lyric of five verses and a chorus. Poetic shit, too, because I want to give Dylan a run for his money.

Laters ...

Thursday 21 January 2016

David Lis is retiring from Aviva Investors

Well, well ... / Yeah, this March. Our Dave has had enough of the pubs, the late nights, the curry houses, and in the summer ... he's sick of the ice cream and lazy days in the park. 'What is he going to do then, boss, get a proper job?' Ha! How?! No, he's retiring, Voice. That's it. I mean, the word is out now about Aviva Investors. Everyone knows they don't actually do any work. Everyone knows that it's Schroders that manages all the funds. 'Ha! Those mugs!'

There is a bit of confusion though. 'Oh no. Let's hear it.' Mr Lis is supposed to be the chief investment officer for multi-asset and equities at Aviva Investors. However, on his LinkedIn profile he describes himself as the head of equities. 'Maybe it's the same thing. Maybe our Dave is a bit of an eccentric. It's not a big deal, is it, boss?' I suppose not. I just like things to be nice and tidy, you know? I like order in the world. 'And the cosmos.' Yes, uh, and the cosmos ... goes without saying. Christ!

Er ... what does chief executive Euan Munro say? 'About the cosmos? This'll be good!' No, about Mr Lis. He says: "Since I joined Aviva Investors at the start of 2014, Davy Boy has been a huge support and I have thoroughly enjoyed partying with him. He has made a significant contribution during his eighteen years with the business and leaves behind a strong legacy and a few cans of Stella in the kitchen fridge." Shit! He's forgotten to take his lager with him! 'He ain't leaving yet. But I'm sure he don't care about the lager, man! And Euan will drink it.' Yes, Euan obviously has his eye on the Stella. / Well, I hope Dave's going to be happy in his retirement. There'll be lots of golf, no doubt.

...

Anything else? Well, dear reader(s), it's the end of the working week for me, I can tell you that. 'No Thursday night PR email, back by popular demand?' No, Voice. Sod it! I've got different fish to fry ...

Wednesday 20 January 2016

[No. 383] Bob Jolly doesn't have a care in the world

I've got him spinning. Oh, he's happy!

And here ... he is[1], and when the world is getting you down ... you just gotta get DIZZY(!), you dig?[1], and here ... he is[2], and our Bob, our Mr Jolly, knows when he is on to a good thing ...[1], and when the world is getting you down ... you just gotta get DIZZY(!), you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - watch him go! / The man is having the time of his many lives ...[1], and our Bob, our Mr Jolly, knows when he is on to a good thing ...[2], and funds?! Schroders schmunds! Who cares about funds?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - watch him go! / The man is having the time of his many lives ...[2], and this ... is the only GOOD THING that I can see / ah, just darkness out in the cosmos, oh, a few stars, not much light, really[1], and funds?! Schroders schmunds! Who cares about funds?[2], and finance is dying ... everywhere![1], and this ... is the only GOOD THING that I can see / ah, just darkness out in the cosmos, oh, a few stars, not much light, really[2], and bear markets and bull markets - one big comedy![1], and finance is dying ... everywhere![2], and YOU(!) ... I know you have your own troubles in the world / Man, you've got to forget the world[1], and bear markets and bull markets - one big comedy![2], and SMILE ... you will feel better / I'm telling you ... you don't want to think[1], and YOU(!) ... I know you have your own troubles in the world / Man, you've got to forget the world[2], and there can be no END, ever ... so you've got to make the most of it[1], and SMILE ... you will feel better / I'm telling you ... you don't want to think[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... if it's good enough for Bobby, yeah?[1], and there can be no END, ever ... so you've got to make the most of it[2], and I'm happy ... anyone gives me trouble and I set my vicious fund manager on them, Mike C[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... if it's good enough for Bobby, yeah?[2], and this is all[1], and I'm happy ... anyone gives me trouble and I set my vicious fund manager on them, Mike C[2], and here ... he is[3], and this is all[2], and when the world is getting you down ... you just gotta get DIZZY(!), you dig?[3], and our Bob, our Mr Jolly, knows when he is on to a good thing ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - watch him go! / The man is having the time of his many lives ...[3], and funds?! Schroders schmunds! Who cares about funds?[3], and this ... is the only GOOD THING that I can see / ah, just darkness out in the cosmos, oh, a few stars, not much light, really[3], and finance is dying ... everywhere![3], and bear markets and bull markets - one big comedy![3], and YOU(!) ... I know you have your own troubles in the world / Man, you've got to forget the world[3], and SMILE ... you will feel better / I'm telling you ... you don't want to think[3], and there can be no END, ever ... so you've got to make the most of it[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... if it's good enough for Bobby, yeah?[3], and I'm happy ... anyone gives me trouble and I set my vicious fund manager on them, Mike C[3], and this is all[3], and

And here ... he is[1], and when the world is getting you down ... you just gotta get DIZZY(!), you dig?[1], and here ... he is[2], and our Bob, our Mr Jolly, knows when he is on to a good thing ...[1], and when the world is getting you down ... you just gotta get DIZZY(!), you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - watch him go! / The man is having the time of his many lives ...[1], and our Bob, our Mr Jolly, knows when he is on to a good thing ...[2], and funds?! Schroders schmunds! Who cares about funds?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - watch him go! / The man is having the time of his many lives ...[2], and this ... is the only GOOD THING that I can see / ah, just darkness out in the cosmos, oh, a few stars, not much light, really[1], and funds?! Schroders schmunds! Who cares about funds?[2], and finance is dying ... everywhere![1], and this ... is the only GOOD THING that I can see / ah, just darkness out in the cosmos, oh, a few stars, not much light, really[2], and bear markets and bull markets - one big comedy![1], and finance is dying ... everywhere![2], and YOU(!) ... I know you have your own troubles in the world / Man, you've got to forget the world[1], and bear markets and bull markets - one big comedy![2], and SMILE ... you will feel better / I'm telling you ... you don't want to think[1], and YOU(!) ... I know you have your own troubles in the world / Man, you've got to forget the world[2], and there can be no END, ever ... so you've got to make the most of it[1], and SMILE ... you will feel better / I'm telling you ... you don't want to think[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... if it's good enough for Bobby, yeah?[1], and there can be no END, ever ... so you've got to make the most of it[2], and I'm happy ... anyone gives me trouble and I set my vicious fund manager on them, Mike C[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... if it's good enough for Bobby, yeah?[2], and this is all[1], and I'm happy ... anyone gives me trouble and I set my vicious fund manager on them, Mike C[2], and here ... he is[3], and this is all[2], and when the world is getting you down ... you just gotta get DIZZY(!), you dig?[3], and our Bob, our Mr Jolly, knows when he is on to a good thing ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - watch him go! / The man is having the time of his many lives ...[3], and funds?! Schroders schmunds! Who cares about funds?[3], and this ... is the only GOOD THING that I can see / ah, just darkness out in the cosmos, oh, a few stars, not much light, really[3], and finance is dying ... everywhere![3], and bear markets and bull markets - one big comedy![3], and YOU(!) ... I know you have your own troubles in the world / Man, you've got to forget the world[3], and SMILE ... you will feel better / I'm telling you ... you don't want to think[3], and there can be no END, ever ... so you've got to make the most of it[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... if it's good enough for Bobby, yeah?[3], and I'm happy ... anyone gives me trouble and I set my vicious fund manager on them, Mike C[3], and this is all[3], and

And here ... he is[1], and when the world is getting you down ... you just gotta get DIZZY(!), you dig?[1], and here ... he is[2], and our Bob, our Mr Jolly, knows when he is on to a good thing ...[1], and when the world is getting you down ... you just gotta get DIZZY(!), you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - watch him go! / The man is having the time of his many lives ...[1], and our Bob, our Mr Jolly, knows when he is on to a good thing ...[2], and funds?! Schroders schmunds! Who cares about funds?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - watch him go! / The man is having the time of his many lives ...[2], and this ... is the only GOOD THING that I can see / ah, just darkness out in the cosmos, oh, a few stars, not much light, really[1], and funds?! Schroders schmunds! Who cares about funds?[2], and finance is dying ... everywhere![1], and this ... is the only GOOD THING that I can see / ah, just darkness out in the cosmos, oh, a few stars, not much light, really[2], and bear markets and bull markets - one big comedy![1], and finance is dying ... everywhere![2], and YOU(!) ... I know you have your own troubles in the world / Man, you've got to forget the world[1], and bear markets and bull markets - one big comedy![2], and SMILE ... you will feel better / I'm telling you ... you don't want to think[1], and YOU(!) ... I know you have your own troubles in the world / Man, you've got to forget the world[2], and there can be no END, ever ... so you've got to make the most of it[1], and SMILE ... you will feel better / I'm telling you ... you don't want to think[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... if it's good enough for Bobby, yeah?[1], and there can be no END, ever ... so you've got to make the most of it[2], and I'm happy ... anyone gives me trouble and I set my vicious fund manager on them, Mike C[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... if it's good enough for Bobby, yeah?[2], and this is all[1], and I'm happy ... anyone gives me trouble and I set my vicious fund manager on them, Mike C[2], and here ... he is[3], and this is all[2], and when the world is getting you down ... you just gotta get DIZZY(!), you dig?[3], and our Bob, our Mr Jolly, knows when he is on to a good thing ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - watch him go! / The man is having the time of his many lives ...[3], and funds?! Schroders schmunds! Who cares about funds?[3], and this ... is the only GOOD THING that I can see / ah, just darkness out in the cosmos, oh, a few stars, not much light, really[3], and finance is dying ... everywhere![3], and bear markets and bull markets - one big comedy![3], and YOU(!) ... I know you have your own troubles in the world / Man, you've got to forget the world[3], and SMILE ... you will feel better / I'm telling you ... you don't want to think[3], and there can be no END, ever ... so you've got to make the most of it[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... if it's good enough for Bobby, yeah?[3], and I'm happy ... anyone gives me trouble and I set my vicious fund manager on them, Mike C[3], and this is all[3], and

The Schroder GAIA Global Macro Bond fund?

This fund is managed by Bob Jolly. / I'm sure you remember Mr Jolly, dear reader(s). He's not one of the Mr Men characters. He's a genuine fund manager at Schroders. And the head of global macro strategy.

The thing is, one of my spies/chivatos tells me that Mr Jolly's Schroder GAIA Global Macro Bond fund has been closed down. Recently? I don't know. I've Googled it and I can't find any evidence of its being shut. 'Er ... this spy of yours, boss. Is it one of the mystic kooks, because those wankers are -' No, Voice, it's a fund manager, at another firm. 'Someone is having a laugh, boss. One of Mr Jolly's enemies, no doubt. With a name like that he's bound to have enemies.' Maybe, Voice.

Of course, if this is a hoax, all I've got to do is make a phone call to a friend of mine. A fund manager by the name of Mike Corcell. 'Shit! If you can find him ...' Oh, I'll find him. And I'll tell him an ex-colleague of his (who he hates, by the way) has been giving me grief. 'What do you think Mike will do?' Knowing Mike, he'll lose his temper. 'Will he bite the guy?' Ha! Being bitten will be the least of his worries.

Anyway, I've emailed my chivato back, and he hasn't replied yet. 'Dodgy.' Yes, I smell a rat. I really do. I hope for his sake the Schroder GAIA Global Macro Bond fund has been shut.

Alastair Gunn at Jupiter ain't worried about China, man

No, Alastair Gunn ain't worried at all about the stock market crisis in China because he reckons growth in the UK will continue ...

Well, well ... / I'm not quite sure what to say. Actually, I am. Firstly, there hasn't been any growth in the UK. Houses prices have been going up, that's all. And the prices have only been going up because there aren't enough houses. I suppose Alastair worships the ground that George Osborne walks on. 'Ha! George hasn't got a clue, boss.' Of course he hasn't, Voice! Without China we are all screwed. Believe or don't believe, dear reader(s). I really don't give a shit.

[Secondly? There is no secondly. Deal with it!]

And the funny thing is, I'm not even an expert on these matters. I'm on the mystical side of things, yeah? 'So how come you know so much?' It's just common sense, man. Also, I'm not ideological. I don't believe things just because I fucking want to believe them. 

 
Oh, I'm in a bad mood, reader(s). So what? Someone's got to be, in this absurd country. We can't all go around thinking everything's wonderful. Jesus! If YOU(!) ... want to think that, you've got to get a-ROUND, you dig? It's the only way.

...

Anything else? Politics? Christ! Oh, all right. Jeremy Corbyn wants nuclear submarines with no nuclear weapons in them. I give up! The guy has an open goal with the Tories, man. And he keeps kicking the ball out of the stadium!

There's no hope. You've got to look after yourself now. Me? I'm building a spaceship in my back garden. 'Mikey, you don't need no spaceship, son. You've just got to get beyond the THREE.' Beyond the THREE?! Oh yeah, I mean, it's so easy to do. Idiot!

Lunch? Cheese sandwich. But you already knew that, didn't you, reader(s)? 'Well, I did. I've looked in your fridge.' Shut up! / Laters ...

Tuesday 19 January 2016

[No. 382] You can check out any time you like ...

But I won't let you go, spinner(s)

And, oh ... you ain't leaving, are ya?![1], and I'm cold and lonely now ... oh, so come closer, YOU(!) ... here to me, and spin with me to keep me warm[1], and, oh ... you ain't leaving, are ya?![2], and closer, please![1], and I'm cold and lonely now ... oh, so come closer, YOU(!) ... here to me, and spin with me to keep me warm[2], and LOVE is stronger than PAIN ... any day of the week - and every spin of eternity![1], and closer, please![2], and the nights are so dark/long and the shadows so sinister/evil and the voices so loud/annoying ...[1], and LOVE is stronger than PAIN ... any day of the week - and every spin of eternity![2], and DIZZY(!) is the way![1], and the nights are so dark/long and the shadows so sinister/evil and the voices so loud/annoying ...[2], and I get so many enquiries about the THREE - as if it's some kind of fucking rainbow, you dig?[1], and DIZZY(!) is the way![2], and if we try hard enough, we will do what's never been done[1], and I get so many enquiries about the THREE - as if it's some kind of fucking rainbow, you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... all the mystic kooks, cosmic colours[1], and if we try hard enough, we will do what's never been done[2], and there are no limits to my ambition ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... all the mystic kooks, cosmic colours[2], and you ain't leaving me any time soon or any time at all BECAUSE(!) there is NO(!) time for the likes of us[1], and there are no limits to my ambition ...[2], and reality is what I say it is / Oh, so sorry about that ... does it mess up your plans?[1], and you ain't leaving me any time soon or any time at all BECAUSE(!) there is NO(!) time for the likes of us[2], and ... don't be a fool![1], and reality is what I say it is / Oh, so sorry about that ... does it mess up your plans?[2], and you've got no plans, kid ... not when you're rolling on the floor and ceiling[1], and ... don't be a fool![2], and how can something this crazy last so long? MAGIC!!![1], and you've got no plans, kid ... not when you're rolling on the floor and ceiling[2], and one day scholars will wonder what the hell I thought I was doing - ha![1], and how can something this crazy last so long? MAGIC!!![2], and I'm glad you've decided to stay ... / You know there's nothing the square world can offer you[1], and one day scholars will wonder what the hell I thought I was doing - ha![2], and a-ROUND you are ... ah ... ha! / I've never seen a spinner so DIZZY(!) and almost GONE(!)[1], and I'm glad you've decided to stay ... / You know there's nothing the square world can offer you[2], and it's such a beautiful way![1], and a-ROUND you are ... ah ... ha! / I've never seen a spinner so DIZZY(!) and almost GONE(!)[2], and, oh ... you ain't leaving, are ya?![3], and it's such a beautiful way![2], and I'm cold and lonely now ... oh, so come closer, YOU(!) ... here to me, and spin with me to keep me warm[3], and closer, please![3], and LOVE is stronger than PAIN ... any day of the week - and every spin of eternity![3], and the nights are so dark/long and the shadows so sinister/evil and the voices so loud/annoying ...[3], and DIZZY(!) is the way![3], and I get so many enquiries about the THREE - as if it's some kind of fucking rainbow, you dig?[3], and if we try hard enough, we will do what's never been done[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... all the mystic kooks, cosmic colours[3], and there are no limits to my ambition ...[3], and you ain't leaving me any time soon or any time at all BECAUSE(!) there is NO(!) time for the likes of us[3], and reality is what I say it is / Oh, so sorry about that ... does it mess up your plans?[3], and ... don't be a fool![3], and you've got no plans, kid ... not when you're rolling on the floor and ceiling[3], and how can something this crazy last so long? MAGIC!!![3], and one day scholars will wonder what the hell I thought I was doing - ha![3], and I'm glad you've decided to stay ... / You know there's nothing the square world can offer you[3], and a-ROUND you are ... ah ... ha! / I've never seen a spinner so DIZZY(!) and almost GONE(!)[3], and it's such a beautiful way![3], and

And, oh ... you ain't leaving, are ya?![1], and I'm cold and lonely now ... oh, so come closer, YOU(!) ... here to me, and spin with me to keep me warm[1], and, oh ... you ain't leaving, are ya?![2], and closer, please![1], and I'm cold and lonely now ... oh, so come closer, YOU(!) ... here to me, and spin with me to keep me warm[2], and LOVE is stronger than PAIN ... any day of the week - and every spin of eternity![1], and closer, please![2], and the nights are so dark/long and the shadows so sinister/evil and the voices so loud/annoying ...[1], and LOVE is stronger than PAIN ... any day of the week - and every spin of eternity![2], and DIZZY(!) is the way![1], and the nights are so dark/long and the shadows so sinister/evil and the voices so loud/annoying ...[2], and I get so many enquiries about the THREE - as if it's some kind of fucking rainbow, you dig?[1], and DIZZY(!) is the way![2], and if we try hard enough, we will do what's never been done[1], and I get so many enquiries about the THREE - as if it's some kind of fucking rainbow, you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... all the mystic kooks, cosmic colours[1], and if we try hard enough, we will do what's never been done[2], and there are no limits to my ambition ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... all the mystic kooks, cosmic colours[2], and you ain't leaving me any time soon or any time at all BECAUSE(!) there is NO(!) time for the likes of us[1], and there are no limits to my ambition ...[2], and reality is what I say it is / Oh, so sorry about that ... does it mess up your plans?[1], and you ain't leaving me any time soon or any time at all BECAUSE(!) there is NO(!) time for the likes of us[2], and ... don't be a fool![1], and reality is what I say it is / Oh, so sorry about that ... does it mess up your plans?[2], and you've got no plans, kid ... not when you're rolling on the floor and ceiling[1], and ... don't be a fool![2], and how can something this crazy last so long? MAGIC!!![1], and you've got no plans, kid ... not when you're rolling on the floor and ceiling[2], and one day scholars will wonder what the hell I thought I was doing - ha![1], and how can something this crazy last so long? MAGIC!!![2], and I'm glad you've decided to stay ... / You know there's nothing the square world can offer you[1], and one day scholars will wonder what the hell I thought I was doing - ha![2], and a-ROUND you are ... ah ... ha! / I've never seen a spinner so DIZZY(!) and almost GONE(!)[1], and I'm glad you've decided to stay ... / You know there's nothing the square world can offer you[2], and it's such a beautiful way![1], and a-ROUND you are ... ah ... ha! / I've never seen a spinner so DIZZY(!) and almost GONE(!)[2], and, oh ... you ain't leaving, are ya?![3], and it's such a beautiful way![2], and I'm cold and lonely now ... oh, so come closer, YOU(!) ... here to me, and spin with me to keep me warm[3], and closer, please![3], and LOVE is stronger than PAIN ... any day of the week - and every spin of eternity![3], and the nights are so dark/long and the shadows so sinister/evil and the voices so loud/annoying ...[3], and DIZZY(!) is the way![3], and I get so many enquiries about the THREE - as if it's some kind of fucking rainbow, you dig?[3], and if we try hard enough, we will do what's never been done[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... all the mystic kooks, cosmic colours[3], and there are no limits to my ambition ...[3], and you ain't leaving me any time soon or any time at all BECAUSE(!) there is NO(!) time for the likes of us[3], and reality is what I say it is / Oh, so sorry about that ... does it mess up your plans?[3], and ... don't be a fool![3], and you've got no plans, kid ... not when you're rolling on the floor and ceiling[3], and how can something this crazy last so long? MAGIC!!![3], and one day scholars will wonder what the hell I thought I was doing - ha![3], and I'm glad you've decided to stay ... / You know there's nothing the square world can offer you[3], and a-ROUND you are ... ah ... ha! / I've never seen a spinner so DIZZY(!) and almost GONE(!)[3], and it's such a beautiful way![3], and

And, oh ... you ain't leaving, are ya?![1], and I'm cold and lonely now ... oh, so come closer, YOU(!) ... here to me, and spin with me to keep me warm[1], and, oh ... you ain't leaving, are ya?![2], and closer, please![1], and I'm cold and lonely now ... oh, so come closer, YOU(!) ... here to me, and spin with me to keep me warm[2], and LOVE is stronger than PAIN ... any day of the week - and every spin of eternity![1], and closer, please![2], and the nights are so dark/long and the shadows so sinister/evil and the voices so loud/annoying ...[1], and LOVE is stronger than PAIN ... any day of the week - and every spin of eternity![2], and DIZZY(!) is the way![1], and the nights are so dark/long and the shadows so sinister/evil and the voices so loud/annoying ...[2], and I get so many enquiries about the THREE - as if it's some kind of fucking rainbow, you dig?[1], and DIZZY(!) is the way![2], and if we try hard enough, we will do what's never been done[1], and I get so many enquiries about the THREE - as if it's some kind of fucking rainbow, you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... all the mystic kooks, cosmic colours[1], and if we try hard enough, we will do what's never been done[2], and there are no limits to my ambition ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... all the mystic kooks, cosmic colours[2], and you ain't leaving me any time soon or any time at all BECAUSE(!) there is NO(!) time for the likes of us[1], and there are no limits to my ambition ...[2], and reality is what I say it is / Oh, so sorry about that ... does it mess up your plans?[1], and you ain't leaving me any time soon or any time at all BECAUSE(!) there is NO(!) time for the likes of us[2], and ... don't be a fool![1], and reality is what I say it is / Oh, so sorry about that ... does it mess up your plans?[2], and you've got no plans, kid ... not when you're rolling on the floor and ceiling[1], and ... don't be a fool![2], and how can something this crazy last so long? MAGIC!!![1], and you've got no plans, kid ... not when you're rolling on the floor and ceiling[2], and one day scholars will wonder what the hell I thought I was doing - ha![1], and how can something this crazy last so long? MAGIC!!![2], and I'm glad you've decided to stay ... / You know there's nothing the square world can offer you[1], and one day scholars will wonder what the hell I thought I was doing - ha![2], and a-ROUND you are ... ah ... ha! / I've never seen a spinner so DIZZY(!) and almost GONE(!)[1], and I'm glad you've decided to stay ... / You know there's nothing the square world can offer you[2], and it's such a beautiful way![1], and a-ROUND you are ... ah ... ha! / I've never seen a spinner so DIZZY(!) and almost GONE(!)[2], and, oh ... you ain't leaving, are ya?![3], and it's such a beautiful way![2], and I'm cold and lonely now ... oh, so come closer, YOU(!) ... here to me, and spin with me to keep me warm[3], and closer, please![3], and LOVE is stronger than PAIN ... any day of the week - and every spin of eternity![3], and the nights are so dark/long and the shadows so sinister/evil and the voices so loud/annoying ...[3], and DIZZY(!) is the way![3], and I get so many enquiries about the THREE - as if it's some kind of fucking rainbow, you dig?[3], and if we try hard enough, we will do what's never been done[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... all the mystic kooks, cosmic colours[3], and there are no limits to my ambition ...[3], and you ain't leaving me any time soon or any time at all BECAUSE(!) there is NO(!) time for the likes of us[3], and reality is what I say it is / Oh, so sorry about that ... does it mess up your plans?[3], and ... don't be a fool![3], and you've got no plans, kid ... not when you're rolling on the floor and ceiling[3], and how can something this crazy last so long? MAGIC!!![3], and one day scholars will wonder what the hell I thought I was doing - ha![3], and I'm glad you've decided to stay ... / You know there's nothing the square world can offer you[3], and a-ROUND you are ... ah ... ha! / I've never seen a spinner so DIZZY(!) and almost GONE(!)[3], and it's such a beautiful way![3], and

Monday 18 January 2016

Leon Cooperman has some good advice

You know, Leon Cooperman of Omega Advisors? He says we - well, YOU(!), actually - have all got to hang tough or something because of market fears and no growth and that. [Well, early last year he was saying the bull market was going to get higher than the sun ...] And I think that's good advice. "This too shall pass," Leon said recently.

This too shall pass. / There will be good times again. Then there will be bad times again. Then there will be good times again. Then ... I'm sure you get the idea, dear reader(s). Some of us will die, and some of us will carry on. Ha! The ones who carry on ... will die as well. They will be replaced by younger characters, who ... will get old and die. And there will be more bad times, and more good times. It's a goddamn comedy! As King Solomon knew well.

There must be a way out! / Oh ... if God points His finger at you, what are you going to do? Bite it? Don't be a fool! Only God can get us out of this mess.

I think I remember telling you, reader(s), the universe was around for nine billion years before I was born, and it will be around for another five billion after I'm gone. [I hope I have the numbers right, but I guess it doesn't really matter.] Has Leon thought about this shit? No, too busy making money. He's a lucky man. Not tormented, like me.

Everyone will find out ... the things I know. It may take a while. It could be many lives. Man, it could be tomorrow!

Ah, I'm just in a funny mood this afternoon. I'm stressed out. I've got so many things to do. I may have to cut my sleep to one hour a night ...

Anyway, laters, yeah? Tomorrow, or tomorrow, but not ... tomorrow. You won't have to wait until Thursday.

Sunday 17 January 2016

Societe Generale announces the new SG CTA Mutual Fund Index!

Yes, it's the Sunday afternoon PR email, back by popular demand. 'You keep saying that, boss.' I know I do, Voice. And I'm not going to stop saying it because everyone loves these posts, man. 'Whatever.'

Let us see -

Societe Generale Prime Services today [Sunday? No, this was last week, reader(s) ... never mind, eh?] announced the creation of the new SG CTA Mutual Fund Index, a performance benchmark for 1940 Act U.S. registered mutual funds that pursue managed futures strategies.

The new CTA Mutual Fund Index is the fourth daily index designed and calculated by Societe Generale. The Prime Services daily indices are an industry leading suite of performance benchmarks, based on the largest CTA programs. The indices calculate the daily rate of return for an equally weighted group of the largest CTAs (by assets) that are open to new investment and provide daily data.

The new CTA Mutual Fund Index was effective as of the 1st January 2016 and includes the ten largest CTA Mutual Funds. The constituents are single manager programmes and include both directly managed and sub-advised mutual funds. The constituents' programmes are diversified futures and/or currency based strategies and may include both systematic and discretionary management styles.

The CTA Mutual Fund Index values will be based on the performance of the institutional share classes with dividends reinvested, and three years of performance history will be provided at inception.

James Skeggs, Global Head Financial Shaman of Alternative Investments Consulting at Societe Generale Prime Services commented: "We are excited to announce the addition of the new SG CTA Mutual Fund Index to the suite of our daily indices. And, personally, it's a dream come true for a kook like me. The 40 Act CTA mutual fund space has grown at an impressive pace, increasing more than five-fold in the last five years to exceed $22 billion in assets under management by the end of 2015. We are delighted to present the new Index as a benchmark for the fast growing liquid alternatives CTA strategies. Ha! I'm so over the moon it's untrue. We welcome the 2016 SG CTA Mutual Fund Index constituents and thank them for their help in the Index launching process. And I want to thank my Master, Michael Fowke."


Well, well ... I'm sure it all means something to somebody. I don't really have anything to add. I just wish them all the best, you know? This mutual fund index sounds really exciting, and I'm sure the world needs it. I mean, Societe Generale wouldn't want to waste everyone's time, would it?

...

Anything else? Music? I'm listening to Bowie's Blackstar. I have to say a lot of it sounds like it was influenced by acts that Bowie himself would have influenced thirty years ago, bands like Radiohead and Joy Division. That's okay though. 'He was influenced by himself, through a third party.' Eh?! 'Bowie to band to Bowie.' Whatever.

My music? I messed up with some of my music publishers posts. Some of the ones I posted weren't really good enough, and some of the ones I deleted I shouldn't have deleted. 'Christ!' Yeah. But it doesn't matter too much because most publishers just refuse to listen - even if it's the work of a genius. 'Ha!' / I've found a couple of smaller publishers who do listen, so I might try them ... soon. I want to write a few more songs first.

Oh, I'm going to watch the Nirvana MTV Unplugged DVD later. / Imagine Kurt Cobain without the rest of the band (he is alone on one song). That's how I would like to do acoustic gigs*. He could have "made it" on his own, man. He's more impressive than any other acoustic performer I've seen. And it's nothing to do with skill, guitar, voice. 'He's not the greatest musician, boss.' No, Voice. It's just his charisma and intensity.



*This will be the final option. At the moment I'm content to stay as a YouTube artist and I'll probably be adding more songs at a later date, especially if I manage to write some big Dylan-style songs like Mr Tambourine Man, Visions of Johanna, etc.

Thursday 14 January 2016

Alexandre Rahmatollahi has been elected to the partnership of Palamon Capital Partners

Yes, dear reader(s), it's the Thursday night PR email, back by popular demand. Well, this Alexandre has done all right for himself, ain't he? 'Ali, boss.' What, Voice? 'They call him Ali.' Oh, of course. Yes, Alex has done very well. 'Ali, Ali, Ali!!!' Yes, Ali.

Ali Rahmatollahi. Are you happy now?! Apparently, he's half Swiss, and half Persian. He sounds like a confused kid. / Let me quote from the email -

Louis Elson, managing partner of Palamon Capital Partners, said: "On behalf of all of the partners of Palamon, we warmly welcome Ali to our partnership. This has been a tremendously successful year for Palamon which included the completion of three transactions worth almost €400 million in highly compelling growth companies across Europe. Ali played an instrumental role in each of those transactions reflecting the additional market reach he has brought to Palamon. We are proud that our time-tested programme of attracting kooks from other industries to learn private equity investing the Palamon way has yielded another talented new partner for our firm."

Bloody hell! They love him! And notice - "kooks". A good sign! 'Louis didn't say mystic kooks, boss, did he?' Oh, come on, Voice! In this business, we only have mystic kooks. / No, it's a very good sign. And I'm sure Ali's emotional confusion will pass in time. It's obviously a form of shaman's sickness. There's nothing to worry about.

A picture of Ali is available upon request. No thanks! 'Ha!' Why would I want a photo of the man?!

...

Anyway, that's enough. Good night.

[No. 381] Rob Gambi gets a-ROUND, so high!

In the mountains, there you feel free ...

And he's a genuine Zarathustra, this one, our Rob ...[1], and a bit of solitude never did anyone any harm ...[1], and he's a genuine Zarathustra, this one, our Rob ...[2], and I wish I had a head for heights ... 'Oh, but you do, a-ROUND here, Mikey ... yes, higher than the sun!'[1], and a bit of solitude never did anyone any harm ...[2], and spinning forever![1], and I wish I had a head for heights ... 'Oh, but you do, a-ROUND here, Mikey ... yes, higher than the sun!'[2], and, ha! ... beyond the THREE - !!! ... uh, there we'll feel free ... of everything, of convention[1], and spinning forever![2], and it's purer than the old blood and fire[1], and, ha! ... beyond the THREE - !!! ... uh, there we'll feel free ... of everything, of convention[2], and I want to ESCAPE!!! ... away from the misery of the world / yes, and I will follow, to the mountains![1], and it's purer than the old blood and fire[2], and ... for now?[1], and I want to ESCAPE!!! ... away from the misery of the world / yes, and I will follow, to the mountains![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND for now ... so DIZZY(!) like I'm eight miles high[1], and ... for now?[2], and so-called real life is out there, full of monsters![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND for now ... so DIZZY(!) like I'm eight miles high[2], and the mob is after us!!![1], and so-called real life is out there, full of monsters![2], and it's safer in here ... / and I'm scared of the square ones with no imaginations, no souls, no feelings[1], and the mob is after us!!![2], and just killers full of hatred for themselves ...[1], and it's safer in here ... / and I'm scared of the
square ones with no imaginations, no souls, no feelings[2], and ... NEVER MIND, eh?[1], and just killers full of hatred for themselves ...[2], and, ha, ha, ha!!! / I almost forget the reason, my reason, in all this excitement ...[1], and ... NEVER MIND, eh?[2], and a man comes down from the mountain ... to spend a little time with the mystic kooks[1], and, ha, ha, ha!!! / I almost forget the reason, my reason, in all this excitement ...[2], and, Rob! Oh, hello! Are you DIZZY(!) yet, son?[1], and a man comes down from the mountain ... to spend a little time with the mystic kooks[2], and he's a genuine Zarathustra, this one, our Rob ...[3], and, Rob! Oh, hello! Are you DIZZY(!) yet, son?[2], and a bit of solitude never did anyone any harm ...[3], and I wish I had a head for heights ... 'Oh, but you do, a-ROUND here, Mikey ... yes, higher than the sun!'[3], and spinning forever![3], and, ha! ... beyond the THREE - !!! ... uh, there we'll feel free ... of everything, of convention[3], and it's purer than the old blood and fire[3], and I want to ESCAPE!!! ... away from the misery of the world / yes, and I will follow, to the mountains![3], and ... for now?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND for now ... so DIZZY(!) like I'm eight miles high[3], and so-called real life is out there, full of monsters![3], and the mob is after us!!![3], and it's safer in here ... / and I'm scared of the square ones with no imaginations, no souls, no feelings[3], and just killers full of hatred for themselves ...[3], and ... NEVER MIND, eh?[3], and, ha, ha, ha!!! / I almost forget the reason, my reason, in all this excitement ...[3], and a man comes down from the mountain ... to spend a little time with the mystic kooks[3], and, Rob! Oh, hello! Are you DIZZY(!) yet, son?[3], and

And he's a genuine Zarathustra, this one, our Rob ...[1], and a bit of solitude never did anyone any harm ...[1], and he's a genuine Zarathustra, this one, our Rob ...[2], and I wish I had a head for heights ... 'Oh, but you do, a-ROUND here, Mikey ... yes, higher than the sun!'[1], and a bit of solitude never did anyone any harm ...[2], and spinning forever![1], and I wish I had a head for heights ... 'Oh, but you do, a-ROUND here, Mikey ... yes, higher than the sun!'[2], and, ha! ... beyond the THREE - !!! ... uh, there we'll feel free ... of everything, of convention[1], and spinning forever![2], and it's purer than the old blood and fire[1], and, ha! ... beyond the THREE - !!! ... uh, there we'll feel free ... of everything, of convention[2], and I want to ESCAPE!!! ... away from the misery of the world / yes, and I will follow, to the mountains![1], and it's purer than the old blood and fire[2], and ... for now?[1], and I want to ESCAPE!!! ... away from the misery of the world / yes, and I will follow, to the mountains![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND for now ... so DIZZY(!) like I'm eight miles high[1], and ... for now?[2], and so-called real life is out there, full of monsters![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND for now ... so DIZZY(!) like I'm eight miles high[2], and the mob is after us!!![1], and so-called real life is out there, full of monsters![2], and it's safer in here ... / and I'm scared of the square ones with no imaginations, no souls, no feelings[1], and the mob is after us!!![2], and just killers full of hatred for themselves ...[1], and it's safer in here ... / and I'm scared of the square ones with no imaginations, no souls, no feelings[2], and ... NEVER MIND, eh?[1], and just killers full of hatred for themselves ...[2], and, ha, ha, ha!!! / I almost forget the reason, my reason, in all this excitement ...[1], and ... NEVER MIND, eh?[2], and a man comes down from the mountain ... to spend a little time with the mystic kooks[1], and, ha, ha, ha!!! / I almost forget the reason, my reason, in all this excitement ...[2], and, Rob! Oh, hello! Are you DIZZY(!) yet, son?[1], and a man comes down from the mountain ... to spend a little time with the mystic kooks[2], and he's a genuine Zarathustra, this one, our Rob ...[3], and, Rob! Oh, hello! Are you DIZZY(!) yet, son?[2], and a bit of solitude never did anyone any harm ...[3], and I wish I had a head for heights ... 'Oh, but you do, a-ROUND here, Mikey ... yes, higher than the sun!'[3], and spinning forever![3], and, ha! ... beyond the THREE - !!! ... uh, there we'll feel free ... of everything, of convention[3], and it's purer than the old blood and fire[3], and I want to ESCAPE!!! ... away from the misery of the world / yes, and I will follow, to the mountains![3], and ... for now?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND for now ... so DIZZY(!) like I'm eight miles high[3], and so-called real life is out there, full of monsters![3], and the mob is after us!!![3], and it's safer in here ... / and I'm scared of the square ones with no imaginations, no souls, no feelings[3], and just killers full of hatred for themselves ...[3], and ... NEVER MIND, eh?[3], and, ha, ha, ha!!! / I almost forget the reason, my reason, in all this excitement ...[3], and a man comes down from the mountain ... to spend a little time with the mystic kooks[3], and, Rob! Oh, hello! Are you DIZZY(!) yet, son?[3], and

And he's a genuine Zarathustra, this one, our Rob ...[1], and a bit of solitude never did anyone any harm ...[1], and he's a genuine Zarathustra, this one, our Rob ...[2], and I wish I had a head for heights ... 'Oh, but you do, a-ROUND here, Mikey ... yes, higher than the sun!'[1], and a bit of solitude never did anyone any harm ...[2], and spinning forever![1], and I wish I had a head for heights ... 'Oh, but you do, a-ROUND here, Mikey ... yes, higher than the sun!'[2], and, ha! ... beyond the THREE - !!! ... uh, there we'll feel free ... of everything, of convention[1], and spinning forever![2], and it's purer than the old blood and fire[1], and, ha! ... beyond the THREE - !!! ... uh, there we'll feel free ... of everything, of convention[2], and I want to ESCAPE!!! ... away from the misery of the world / yes, and I will follow, to the mountains![1], and it's purer than the old blood and fire[2], and ... for now?[1], and I want to ESCAPE!!! ... away from the misery of the world / yes, and I will follow, to the mountains![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND for now ... so DIZZY(!) like I'm eight miles high[1], and ... for now?[2], and so-called real life is out there, full of monsters![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND for now ... so DIZZY(!) like I'm eight miles high[2], and the mob is after us!!![1], and so-called real life is out there, full of monsters![2], and it's safer in here ... / and I'm scared of the square ones with no imaginations, no souls, no feelings[1], and the mob is after us!!![2], and just killers full of hatred for themselves ...[1], and it's safer in here ... / and I'm scared of the square ones with no imaginations, no souls, no feelings[2], and ... NEVER MIND, eh?[1], and just killers full of hatred for themselves ...[2], and, ha, ha, ha!!! / I almost forget the reason, my reason, in all this excitement ...[1], and ... NEVER MIND, eh?[2], and a man comes down from the mountain ... to spend a little time with the mystic kooks[1], and, ha, ha, ha!!! / I almost forget the reason, my reason, in all this excitement ...[2], and, Rob! Oh, hello! Are you DIZZY(!) yet, son?[1], and a man comes down from the mountain ... to spend a little time with the mystic kooks[2], and he's a genuine Zarathustra, this one, our Rob ...[3], and, Rob! Oh, hello! Are you DIZZY(!) yet, son?[2], and a bit of solitude never did anyone any harm ...[3], and I wish I had a head for heights ... 'Oh, but you do, a-ROUND here, Mikey ... yes, higher than the sun!'[3], and spinning forever![3], and, ha! ... beyond the THREE - !!! ... uh, there we'll feel free ... of everything, of convention[3], and it's purer than the old blood and fire[3], and I want to ESCAPE!!! ... away from the misery of the world / yes, and I will follow, to the mountains![3], and ... for now?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND for now ... so DIZZY(!) like I'm eight miles high[3], and so-called real life is out there, full of monsters![3], and the mob is after us!!![3], and it's safer in here ... / and I'm scared of the square ones with no imaginations, no souls, no feelings[3], and just killers full of hatred for themselves ...[3], and ... NEVER MIND, eh?[3], and, ha, ha, ha!!! / I almost forget the reason, my reason, in all this excitement ...[3], and a man comes down from the mountain ... to spend a little time with the mystic kooks[3], and, Rob! Oh, hello! Are you DIZZY(!) yet, son?[3], and

Rob Gambi has left Henderson Global Investors BECAUSE(!) ...

Er ... / ... er, Henderson Global Investors don't need no chief investment officer no more!!! / Well, well ... I thought all these firms, asset managers, hedge funds, whatever, needed chief investment officers. 'Boss, two other guys are going to do it - in their spare time, like.' What other guys?! 'Hang on ... / It says here, Phil Apel and Graham Kitchen.' Ha! Christ! I don't know. It just seems really unprofessional to me. Amateurish. I mean, who makes the tea at Henderson? 'I think they all take turns.' And who does the dusting, then, Voice? 'Man, they can't afford a cleaner, so, yeah, they all take turns.' / Reader(s), isn't Henderson Global Investors a good firm, a reasonably big firm? It just shows you ... you never really know what goes on behind the scenes at these places. [Well, I do. But I mean the clients don't know.] Times are obviously hard ...

Right. There's one other thing. Obviously, I'll be taking our Rob for a spin later, No. 381. But there's one other thing. I've been looking at Mr Gambi's LinkedIn profile. At first glance, it all seems above board. 'His profile is perfectly fine, boss.' No, Voice. Go down a bit. Look at his education, the high school. 'Uh ... oh dear! That is strange.' Yes. / Er, reader(s), our Rob went to the ... Manly Boys High School. I'm not sure I want to comment much further, but - 'We shouldn't judge him.' I'm not judging him! Come on! We all have things in our past that are a little embarrassing. 'Yes, of course. / But what's a manly boy?! Is it like a mannish boy?' I fear it may be worse than that, Voice.

...

Oh, I want to move on, yeah? I don't want to dwell on dark shit. It's too early in the morning. / Music? I'm listening to David Bowie's best live album, Live in Santa Monica '72. It was a bootleg, originally.

Lunch? Yes, I'll be having lunch. Why change the habits of a lifetime?

Wednesday 13 January 2016

Stephen Cucchiaro? ... 3EDGE Asset Management?!

There's no need to get upset, dear reader(s). It's just the word "edge" in capitals with a "3" before it. Mr Cucchiaro is perfectly within his rights. 'Ha!' It's actually a new hedge fund the crazy cat has founded. [In Boston, of all places!] A macro one, if you can believe it. [Try to believe, please!] They say it will use ETFs and derivatives to make bets on ... something or other. Probably something global. Our Stephen is that sort of guy.

Obviously, I wish him all the best. We don't have enough hedge funds in this world. A new one is always welcome. My only concern is ... DeFred Folts III - !!! 'What, boss?!' Who, Voice. It's a ... who. 'Christ!' Exactly.

Jesus! H! I've been looking at the LinkedIn profile of "DeFred Folts III". It is very disturbing. 'Tell me about it!' Okay. No one knows if he is a real man. 'Maybe a thought-form, Mikey. But what about the picture of him?' It's not him, man. I've seen the guy in the picture. He's an actor. He was a villain in an episode of Columbo. 'Yeah? Are you sure?' Well ... 'Have you signed in to LinkedIn?' No. 'But you're a member now!' Shut up! I'm keeping that quiet.

Well, well ... whatever, dear reader(s). If they're claiming this "DeFred Folts III" is a genuine person, a finance worker, one of the people at 3EDGE Asset Management, I'm going to trust them. 'Ha!' Sometimes you just have to trust. You can't go around accusing everyone of tricks and shenanigans.

Right. As I'm in a good mood, I think we'll let Bloomberg have the last word on our DeFred - This person is connected to 0 Board Members in 0 different organizations across 0 different industries. 'Bloody hell! Jokers!'

...

Anything else? 'Music?' Music! I'm listening to the last four songs of Bob Dylan's Bringing It All Back Home  ... BECAUSE(!) this might be my next challenge, man, writing and recording a demo to match ...

Mr Tambourine Man
Gates of Eden
It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)
It's All Over Now, Baby Blue


Dylan did it in 1965, and fifty years later no one else has done it. Oh, not because they haven't wanted to. They haven't been able to ...