Oh, it is so nice to see Mr Jabre doing what he does best again. I don't know if you remember, dear reader, but Philippe Jabre was fined £750,000 back in 2006 for trading on confidential information. That was when he worked at GLG Partners. It was just a terrible misunderstanding, I'm sure. But Philippe has his own hedge fund now, the Geneva-based Jabre Capital Partners, and he seems to be on top of the world. He is going to manage a new convertible bonds fund for Pictet Funds.
Well, I have been speaking to Phil about his journey through life, and this is what he told me: 'Mike, I've learnt a lot. (You made mistakes, Phil.) I know, Mike, I know. The biggest mistake I ever made was not taking Big Herb into my heart when I first entered this crazy business. (Phil, mate, don't beat yourself up about it. Big Herb died in 2007. He hasn't even been a money god three years yet. When you started in this fucking business, there was only Ganesh. And the ghosts of the dead financiers didn't get organized until Big Herb made his permanent move to the astral plane.) Oh, I didn't realize that. I mean, you hear talk of Big Herb. Everyone loves him. You just presume he has always been a god. (No, he was a financier in the City.) Amazing. So what did you do in the early days, then? (I was a shaman in the desert, you know, learning the ropes. We all have to learn, Phil.) Well, I've learnt, Mike. I really have. (Yeah?) Oh yeah, man. I was fined nearly a million quid. That changes a man. Such suffering, oh, if it doesn't kill you - (It only makes you stronger.) Exactly. I know now that money has to burn. You have to feel it, burning inside. (And that burning comes from the astral plane.) Of course, Mike. The astral desert. Nobody gets fined in the astral desert. (The FSA? The SEC? Fuck 'em, Phil. They can't touch anybody on the plane.) They probably don't even believe in it. (Oh, they're starting to get wise. But they're still a long way behind us.) Let's keep them behind us. (Fuckin' A!)'
The Convertible Bonds fund will be launched on 1st February.