Monday, 6 December 2010

There is no insider trading at Janus Capital Group

Well, that's a relief. I'm glad that Janus Capital Group didn't get itself mixed up with the hedge fund Wall Street nonsense probes and shenanigans. Or the Wall Street insider hedge fund scenario [‘scenario’ ain’t right, but I’m leaving it in] with the Feds getting up to all sorts, raids and that. Yes, I'm afraid I haven't got the energy this morning to make sense out of the news. I save all my fire for the astral plane. I mean, I need to. You know how exhausting it is. You've been there, haven't you?

It's not as if there is any news, anyway. News is a fantasy. Nothing ever happens. That's the truth. Many journalists are bitter about it. Or they try to pretend that there is something new under the sun. They go round and round, like woodlice in a matchbox. No way out. They must live with their despair, conscious or unconscious, until they die. And then? Death does not put an end to their troubles. Oh, their ghosts come looking for me, 'Mikey, where did we go wrong?' And I tell them, 'You stupid c**ts, you never took a wrong turn. You were always on the wrong path, from the day you were born. If you'd had listened to me, you wouldn't be in this pickle. You could have changed course.' And they laugh, 'What pickle?!' Then they see the fiery demons, waiting for them. They understand.

But I digress. Let's get back to Janus Capital Group. You may not believe this but Janus provides growth and risk-managed investment strategies and manages equity, fixed income, money market, as well as balanced mutual funds. Well, on second thoughts, you may believe it. But: Janus goes beyond research-driven investment strategies by providing advisers with soul-building programs and dream-world insights through the astral desert. Within and without, basically. Can you believe that?

You probably can! The nutters I attract! Jesus! But I'm not complaining. I love all my readers. You are my children. I love you all! And I know you love me. One day, you will show me your love. You will show the whole world! I will give the order and the revolution will begin in earnest.