Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Clive Cowdery attracts £500 million!

Yes, Clive Cowdery has somehow managed to attract £500 million. I couldn't believe it when Keith Busby told me. This is what Keith said: '£500 million! That's the power of attraction for you. Of course, it helps that Clive has now cut himself off from his old boss Jack Pickles. And you can see the change in him. You can see it in his eyes. They are full of light and love. And when Clive looks at you, well, it's the look of love. There's no other way to put it. I'm no bender, but it is the look of love. And that's why the guy is attracting so much money now. That and the meditating. He's really cleaned his act up.'

Well, I was overjoyed to hear that Clive has stopped working for Jack, so I made a phone call to him. I wanted to hear all about this power of attraction, and his lovely eyes. This is what the man said: 'Oh man, has my life changed! That Jack is an evil bastard. Why didn't anyone warn me about him? (We all warned you, Clive.) But, yeah, this power of attraction shit is working wonders for me. All I've got to do is sit in my meditation room and think about money, and then the stuff comes rolling in. It's unbelievable! £500 million! Can you believe that? (I believe you, Clive.) I must be friggin' blessed or something. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Big Herb and Ganesh the elephant god were staring down at me from the astral plane, and just, you know, doing their thing for me. (Yeah, I know, Clive. Big Herb and Ganesh are good at doing their thing. It's what makes them so loved by all the mystical children.) And my eyes! Has anyone told you about my eyes? (Yeah, Keith has, but he's not a bender, you understand.) As soon as I quit my job with Jack, the light came into my eyes. The very next day! I looked into a mirror, and I couldn't friggin' believe it, man. This beautiful, soft, holy light - just streaming from my eyes! I almost fell in love with myself, like that Narcissus freak. It's a shame you can't see my eyes, Mikey. (I think I'll pass.) It's why the money comes to me. My eyes, the meditating, the love all around me, Big Herb and Ganesh. I can feel the cosmos vibrating. Can you believe that? (I believe you, Clive. I'm not exactly a novice at this shit.) See ya!'

Then he was gone. He put the phone down. Obviously, he became overexcited. Maybe someone came into his office, and he wanted to show them his lovely, mystical eyes. I don't know. But I wish him all the best, I really do.