The uncensored version:
Dear Galleon Employees, Clients and Friends,
I have decided that it is now in the best interest of our investors, employees and mystic lords to conduct an orderly wind down of Galleon's funds while we explore the cosmos within and without. At this important time, I want to reassure investors of the burning power of our funds and assure Galleon employees that we are seeking the way, the only way, to keep together what I believe is our love. The love we share.
As many of you know, we have built our business on a fundamental belief in Big Herb combined with an intense loathing of Jack Pickles and Satan and all their works. We have encouraged and invited our investors to attend our daily chakra morning workshops. Many of you have done so and got a first-hand look at our chakras as they whirled around. This process is the core of our investment and trading strategy.
The privilege of managing investors' capital is a responsibility that I have always taken very seriously. I want to reiterate that I am innocent of all charges and will defend myself against these accusations with the same intensity and focus I have brought to managing our investors' capital. I have never had any dealings with Jack Pickles. He's no friend of mine.
For those who have been my partners and supporters over the last seventeen years, I sincerely thank you. I also want to thank you for the innumerable expressions of support I have received from you over the past few days. I love you all.