Friday, 25 May 2007

Big Herb news: what is life like now for the money god?

Quite a few of you have been asking me for the latest news concerning Big Herb. In fact, pestering me. All right, chill out! Here's the latest.

As we all know, Big Herb has become a god since his death. However, the afterlife is not all it's cracked up to be, not even for gods. I haven't been able to speak to Big Herb directly, but a very good source tells me he is absolutely bored with his life. Apparently, he just floats around in a nowhere land. There is nothing for him to do, and he misses the rough and tumble of the financial empire he left behind on earth.

I will say though, not everyone agrees with this view of Big Herb's new life. Chief priest in the cult of Big Herb, David Pitt, said to me, 'You're talking nonsense. Your source is a joker. I have actually spoken to Big Herb recently and I can report he is very happy with his life. I can assure you he is not floating around in some preposterous nowhere land. What is a nowhere land, anyway? I'm spitting blood over this. Big Herb is sitting on a throne made of solid gold, and drinking wine and eating grapes, and being waited on hand and foot. Not bad, eh? I would like to remind you that shortly after he died, Big Herb was a ghost for a while and was to be found haunting Scrutton Street in a wretched state. Now he's a god, for crying out loud. By no stretch of the imagination can you say he is bored with his life.'

Well, whatever. One thing's for sure, Big Herbism will continue to go from strength to strength as long as David Pitt has anything to do with it.