Thursday, 19 July 2007

The Lords of Fenchurch Street

A lot of people have been complaining to me lately about the Lords of Fenchurch Street. They want to know who they are and how to make them stop doing what they're doing.

The Lords of Fenchurch Street are a sinister bunch of nutters who operate out of Fenchurch Street (funnily enough) in the City of London. I'm afraid I don't know any of them personally, but I have a friend who has a friend who is a member. I spoke to him yesterday and he had this to say, 'Don't mess with the Lords of Fenchurch Street. Don't write about them in your blog. Don't even think about them, or they will come to you in the middle of the night and really fuck your shit up. These are serious guys.'

Apologies for the bad language - my friend is a rather vulgar character. Anyway, I've been doing my research and I can't even find out what these lords get up to. How can they be stopped if no one knows for sure what they are involved in? It is rumoured that they are bankers in the City. Some people say they are a gang of corrupt lawyers. Other people say they are financial satanists - the very worst kind of capitalists. I pray to God that's not true.

I'm totally at a loss here. If anyone knows anything about them, feel free to contact me on the astral plane. I'm there most days and it means we can have a face-to-face chat. I'm very discreet and I won't publish your name in any future posts.