No, not Christ. And not Lance Corporal Jones.
So, uh ...
'Which hero is this, boss?' That lunatic. 'Oh, you mean our hero of the parcels?' Yes, him.
Well, okay, we haven't done one of Jinksy's PR emails for awhile. There's no harm in it, I suppose.
"Don't panic!" says ParcelHero. "There's no need to stockpile."
Right. The thing is, I went to the supermarket early this morning and I couldn’t find any tomato sauce. I want tomato sauce for my chips tonight. But there wasn't any, man. It's not the end of the world, of course. I mean, I haven't been having sauce with my chips lately. But I used to have sauce all the time. So, you know ... I fancied it again, like, but ... 'There wasn't any sauce.' No, Voice. There were loads of empty shelves. All sorts of things were missing. I was only concerned about the sauce though. What kind of idiot panic buys tomato sauce? It's not essential to life, is it? I mean, I'll be going without sauce on my chips tonight, but it won't ruin my life or anything. People need to grow up.
Anyway ...
As online grocers report a spike in orders and shoppers post pictures of newly emptied shelves, ParcelHero says we must all learn the lessons of March and avoid panic-buying ahead of a second Thing wave. It also warns Thing profiteers, who buy cleaning products now to sell at a higher price during lockdown, won't get away with it a second time.
Oh, by the way, I won't be posting pictures of empty shelves. 'Why not?' Because I don't care enough about this nonsense, and I have a life. Yeah, sure, I'm writing about the empty shelves in this post, BUT(!) I've got to write about something ... and the subject matter has already been chosen by our Jinksy. 'You didn't have to do this email, boss. You could have picked another one on a different subject. You had more than a dozen to choose from this morning.' Jesus! I wanted to do a Jinksy one. He's a friend of ours, and I don't want him getting upset. Okay? 'Fair enough.'
Anyway ...
There's plenty of loo-roll and baked beans for everyone, says the home delivery expert ParcelHero. It says shoppers must resist the impulse to panic-buy online and in-store in anticipation of a second wave of The Thing.
Ah, baked beans. 'You're the baked beans hero, boss.' No I'm not, idiot!
Okay, okay. Speak to us, Jinksy!
"Unnecessary pressure is once again building on retailers, both online and in supermarkets. Online grocers are already urging online customers to shop in store and not grab all available home delivery slots, so they can continue to serve people who are elderly or shielding. We do not want a return to the dark days of March when people spent days online just trying to secure a food delivery.
"The same is true in stores. Some shoppers were posting pictures of emptied shelves yesterday while Morrisons reintroduced door guards. The concern is that people abandon common sense and indulge in frenzied stockpiling, as was the case in March. There never was an interruption to the supply of staples such as toilet rolls, pasta and baked beans in the country. People began buying huge amounts of these items, in anticipation of a shortage. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy for Britain's consumers.
"However, signs are that both the Government and canny shoppers have learned from the first wave. It looks as though the Government will introduce a phased response to a potential second wave, with local lockdowns and staggered measures to restrict social gatherings such as a 10pm pub closing time. Even if there is a short, sharp nationwide lockdown during the October half term, as some experts are speculating, goods will still get through to stores. Retailers now have increased capacity and more robust supply chains. Tesco has increased its online capacity from around 600,000 deliveries a week at the beginning of the crises to 1.5 million weekly slots today, for example."
Well, okay, but ... the government is hopeless, man. Seriously.
Never mind.
ENDS
...
Anything else, kook(s)? Music?
I'm going back to this lot for the album ...
This World Don't Mean a Thing
Lucky You
Round The Bend
What's This Life We Live?
And Rain Came Down
I Want Everything
Love Me
Stella
Malibu
I'm Right Inside
Nothing
Good Times
BECAUSE ... I like the way they sound together, and in that order, you dig? 'What if you write some new "great" songs, Mikey?' Well, they can go on the second album, Voice. I already have three great tunes. Oh, without lyrics. 'When are you going to write the lyrics?' I don't know. I'm so busy, son.
Later(s), pop freak(s)!
