'Yippee!'
Hold on, idiot! 'What?' I haven't got any exciting news. 'Oh.' That's just the start of a PR email from last week. 'Oh.' One morning last week. 'Oh.'
This morning ... it's raining. It's nearly winter. And I don't want to write about finance.
Anyway, here's a bit of the email ...
23rd September 2020, London: Fintech business lender MarketFinance has been awarded a £10m grant from the Capability and Innovation Fund, announced today by Banking Competition Remedies Ltd. The grant will be used to bring more choice and competition to the business lending industry.
Okay. Congratulations.
Now, let's talk about - 'Music, boss?' No. Literature, for a change. 'Go on then.' I'm wondering if I should try writing a novel ... 'Er ... why for God's sake?!' Just to see what it turns out like. It wouldn't be serious literature like Kafka or Beckett. My blog - especially the conceptual stuff - is my contribution to serious literature, man. But it could be an "entertainment". You know, something light-hearted and amusing.
Of course, I don't really have the time ...
Let's ask Anil what he thinks I should do ...
Anil Stocker, CEO of MarketFinance says: "We are delighted to receive this award. We will provide more businesses with a unique digital offering that allows them to get on with the day-to-day running of their businesses, giving value back to customers and bringing some much needed competition to the business lending market."
Okay. That's not quite what I wanted from you, Anil, but never mind. 'He's a finance character.' Yeah, I know. I know.
Anil Stocker adds: "This is a difficult time for UK businesses who are desperately trying to find the right finance to keep their doors open. We know that customers find it hard to manage multiple finance products across multiple providers; it's why many stay with the incumbent banks. We will deliver a solution that radically reduces the complexity of managing finances for our customers, combining the product sophistication of a large lender, with the user-friendliness of a fintech."
Yes, that's enough now, Anil. Thank you.
Anil Stocker continues: "We know smaller SMEs and sole traders make up more than 90% of companies in the UK, yet they are at the greatest borrowing disadvantage. Our risk models are much better at understanding and serving these businesses than those of conventional lenders. It is our ambition to get £1b out to thousands of underserved SMEs in the next few years."
Christ! The man won't shut up!
ENDS
ENDS
ENDS
ENDS
ENDS
ENDS
...
Anything else? Yeah.
I saw my first rude boy yesterday in ... forty years? I mean, I was walking around the park after lunch and this black guy, really smart, was dressed in modern rude boy gear. Not like the stuff I wore. And he had a lovely yellow jacket, too. 'If he wasn't wearing your old gear, boss, how do you know that he wasn't just, uh ... a well-dressed guy, like?' Ha! Because he was wearing a pork pie hat. 'Oh, okay.' That's how you know you're dealing with a rude boy.
It's not rocket science.
Laters ... ?
No, not yet.
I want to talk about music. 'Yippee! I knew you would see sense.'
Listen, kook(s)! I'm not going to write those three lyrics I need - yet. I want to write a new song that will be better than Nothing, you dig?
It will have to be a ballad. Nothing isn't a ballad, surprisingly. 'Why surprisingly?' I have a theory, Voice, that all the greatest songs are ballads. Angels, Imagine, This World Don't Mean a Thing, Live Forever, Hey Jude ... etc, etc.
Actually, no.
I might be on to something with Nothing. I mean, it is ... THE GREATEST. I will have to write more like it. [Equal to it. I don't want to surpass it, to be honest.] / Yes! Dramatic, powerful rock/pop, like Beethoven would write, set to a lyric that could be a soliloquy from Hamlet, Macbeth, or King Lear. It's a winning combination!
Well ...
Later(s), rock monster(s)!
