Thursday, 19 September 2019

Music, or ... ?

Well, I don't know. I mean, this is a finance blog, dear reader(s). Do you know what I mean? It's just that ... 'Do another PR email, boss. Go on.' Well, okay.

UK wealth market to decline by 5% in 2019 and 2020 if there is a no deal Brexit, says GlobalData.

Oh no. No, no, no.

Uncertainty around Brexit and the US-China trade war resulted in a poor performance in the UK wealth market in 2018. This year, uncertainty is continuing and KPMG have recently predicted a 1.5% GDP decline in 2020 if Brexit ends in a no deal, worse than the decline in 2008. If this estimation comes to fruition, there will be a damaging fourth quarter in 2019 which will reduce the UK wealth market by up to 5% in both 2019 and 2020, forecasts GlobalData, a leading data and analytics company.

No, no, no. No, no ... NO - !!! It's too much misery, kook(s). 'It is.' And I want to be happy and carefree, you dig? I want to - 'Boss, stop him!' Who?!

Sergel Woldemichael, Wealth Management Analyst at GlobalData, comments: "The noteworthy decline in the UK wealth market, the only time the UK wealth market has posted back-to-back declines, will largely be felt in the fund and equity market. The fund market, due its larger proportion of the overall wealth mix will be a particularly big driver of the declines. Interest rates have remained low for over a decade in the UK, reducing the role of deposits as well as bonds in the nation's investment portfolio, while funds have been growing ever more attractive by comparison."

Oi! That's enough, Sergel! You're out of order, son!

...

Right. Music?

I'm playing a few tunes on my laptop ... Let It Be, Hotel California, Angels, Live Forever, Your Song ...

All the usual suspects, as it were.

Oh, another thing ... [see last post] ... that vocal exercise has improved my guitar playing. 'Don't talk absolute rot, Mikey.' I'm serious, Voice! I'm singing in a calmer and more controlled way now, and it has spread to my guitar playing. The vibe, or whatever. 'Yeah. Whatever.' Yeah, yeah. Yeah!

...

Anything else? Jesus. Er ... it's the end of the week, kook(s). Obviously, I hope you have a nice weekend and everything, BUT(!) ... there's nothing else, you dig?

Later(s), crocodile(s)!

Negative economic outlook!

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's no surprise, is it? 'What's this, boss?' Bad news, Voice. 'Is there any other kind?' Well, I've got some good news about my vocal strength. 'Oh.' Big time!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Listen! You keep doing that - ah, THIS!!! - aggressively, up and down, like, and you're going to be all right, dear reader(s). If you're a singer, of course. I reckon I've managed to double the strength of my voice - not him - just this week. 'I'm feeling so strong, boss!' Not you, idiot!

Rehearsing is a real joy now. This World Don't Mean a Thing and Malibu are pop/rock ballads with big lift-off choruses, and they need a strong voice. 'Me?! I'm not getting involved. I don't have the talent.' Shut up!

Anyway, PR email ...

Negative sentiment towards the economic outlook for the UK over the next 18 to 24 months amongst the UK investment community has increased sharply from 49% in 2018 to 67% in 2019, according to the annual Investment 360 Index by CIL, the leading management consultancy. The Index is based on research amongst private equity investors, business management teams, corporate debt providers and business advisors in the UK and has been running for three years.

Oh dear.

The Index also shows that dissatisfaction with Government has leapt from 50% last year, to 68% currently. Just 5% of those polled felt that the Government is doing a good job. However, when it comes to the performance of the Bank of England, sentiment is the most positive yet at 60%, thanks to a steady hand on the tiller against the backdrop of political and economic uncertainty.

Christ! 5 percent felt that the government is doing a good job! Ha, ha, ha! 'Who on earth are those 5 percent mugs, boss?!' That's what I'm wondering, man.

In terms of the long-term economic outlook, sentiment remains firmly in positive territory for 56% of investors, a slight decline of 4% compared to last year, thanks to the UK's strong, attractive fundamentals.

Ah, well. I know what that is. WISHFUL THINKING. You dig? Tell me you dig, kook(s). Please!

Okay, okay. I think we better hear from Giles Johnson ...

Commenting on the findings, Giles Johnson, managing partner at CIL, says: "The uncertainty caused by Brexit is weighing heavily on investors in the short-term. There are a range of unknowns affecting the global economies, such as trade wars. However, thanks to sound monetary policy from the Bank of England and strong fundamentals, Brexit aside, the long-term outlook remains positive."

Yeah, yeah. / Giles, mate, I've got two words for you ... [drum roll] ... WISHFUL THINKING. You dig? Come on, son. Be realistic. FFS!

...

Right. Anything else? Er, not really, no. I'll be writing another post later. Either music, or ... another PR email? 'You love these emails, don't you, boss?' Oh, I do!

If only I had known years ago that it was this easy to be a journalist! Never mind. My life is full of missed opportunities.

Later(s), news fan(s)!

Tuesday, 17 September 2019

[No. 740] Don't invite me anywhere because I might just turn up

And then you'll be sorry.

And, well, well ...[1], and I'm a mystical guy, you dig?[1], and, well, well ...[2], and I used to burn in the desert ... with the blood and, uh ... fire(!), obviously[1], and I'm a mystical guy, you dig?[2], and, BUT(!) ... NOW(!) I'm a-ROUND here[1], and I used to burn in the desert ... with the blood and, uh ... fire(!), obviously[2], and why should I be where you are?![1], and, BUT(!) ... NOW(!) I'm a-ROUND here[2], and I'm not part of your world, man / and I've invented my own world - and I'm very happy with it[1], and why should I be where you are?![2], and I'm too "crazy" for your sort, seriously[1], and I'm not part of your world, man / and I've invented my own world - and I'm very happy with it[2], and don't be sad[1], and I'm too "crazy" for your sort, seriously[2], and maybe one day, ah, one day ... I'll visit you for a laugh[1], and don't be sad[2], and ... 'Ha, ha, ha!'[1], and maybe one day, ah, one day ... I'll visit you for a laugh[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... you won't be laughing yourself, no, no, no / and, oh, I will, and my friends will[1], and ... 'Ha, ha, ha!'[2], and ... 'I'm your friend, Mikey' / and yeah, yeah, of course you are, Voice[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... you won't be laughing yourself, no, no, no / and, oh, I will, and my friends will[2], and, so ...[1], and ... 'I'm your friend, Mikey' / and yeah, yeah, of course you are, Voice[2], and poor cold earth wanderer ...[1], and, so ...[2], and ... Do YOU(!) really want me at your event(s)?[1], and poor cold earth wanderer ...[2], and, listen! ... I can't bring those dead ghost guys - they're GONE(!)[1], and ... Do YOU(!) really want me at your event(s)?[2], and somewheres lost in the astral desert of my mind, my soul ...[1], and, listen! ... I can't bring those dead ghost guys - they're GONE(!)[2], and ... I can bring the mystic kooks![1], and somewheres lost in the astral desert of my mind, my soul ...[2], and, or ... maybe not[1], and ... I can bring the mystic kooks![2], and, Christ! ... it's a lot of trouble for a busy sha/man[1], and, or ... maybe not[2], and I've got my guitar to play ...[1], and, Christ! ... it's a lot of trouble for a busy sha/man[2], and I'm actually very reclusive ...[1], and I've got my guitar to play ...[2], and to be honest ... it's much easier if you just get a-ROUND with the rest of us[1], and I'm actually very reclusive ...[2], and spin, spin, spin! ... you will like it[1], and to be honest ... it's much easier if you just get a-ROUND with the rest of us[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and come on, don't be square[1], and s pin, sp in, s pin! ... you will like it[2], and ... 'You can lead a horse to water, boss'[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and come on, don't be square[2], and tell me about it![1], and ... 'You can lead a horse to water, boss'[2], and, well, well ...[3], and tell me about it![2], and I'm a mystical guy, you dig?[3], and I used to burn in the desert ... with the blood and, uh ... fire(!), obviously[3], and, BUT(!) ... NOW(!) I'm a-ROUND here[3], and why should I be where you are?![3], and I'm not part of your world, man / and I've invented my own world - and I'm very happy with it[3], and I'm too "crazy" for your sort, seriously[3], and don't be sad[3], and maybe one day, ah, one day ... I'll visit you for a laugh[3], and ... 'Ha, ha, ha!'[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... you won't be laughing yourself, no, no, no / and, oh, I will, and my friends will[3], and ... 'I'm your friend, Mikey' / and yeah, yeah, of course you are, Voice[3], and, so ...[3], and poor cold earth wanderer ...[3], and ... Do YOU(!) really want me at your event(s)?[3], and, listen! ... I can't bring those dead ghost guys - they're GONE(!)[3], and somewheres lost in the astral desert of my mind, my soul ...[3], and ... I can bring the mystic kooks![3], and, or ... maybe not[3], and, Christ! ... it's a lot of trouble for a busy sha/man[3], and I've got my guitar to play ...[3], and I'm actually very reclusive ...[3], and to be honest ... it's much easier if you just get a-ROUND with the rest of us[3], and s  p  i  n, s  p  i  n, s  p  i  n! ... you will like it[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and come on, don't be square[3], and ... 'You can lead a horse to water, boss'[3], and tell me about it![3], and

And, well, well ...[1], and I'm a mystical guy, you dig?[1], and, well, well ...[2], and I used to burn in the desert ... with the blood and, uh ... fire(!), obviously[1], and I'm a mystical guy, you dig?[2], and, BUT(!) ... NOW(!) I'm a-ROUND here[1], and I used to burn in the desert ... with the blood and, uh ... fire(!), obviously[2], and why should I be where you are?![1], and, BUT(!) ... NOW(!) I'm a-ROUND here[2], and I'm not part of your world, man / and I've invented my own world - and I'm very happy with it[1], and why should I be where you are?![2], and I'm too "crazy" for your sort, seriously[1], and I'm not part of your world, man / and I've invented my own world - and I'm very happy with it[2], and don't be sad[1], and I'm too "crazy" for your sort, seriously[2], and maybe one day, ah, one day ... I'll visit you for a laugh[1], and don't be sad[2], and ... 'Ha, ha, ha!'[1], and maybe one day, ah, one day ... I'll visit you for a laugh[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... you won't be laughing yourself, no, no, no / and, oh, I will, and my friends will[1], and ... 'Ha, ha, ha!'[2], and ... 'I'm your friend, Mikey' / and yeah, yeah, of course you are, Voice[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... you won't be laughing yourself, no, no, no / and, oh, I will, and my friends will[2], and, so ...[1], and ... 'I'm your friend, Mikey' / and yeah, yeah, of course you are, Voice[2], and poor cold earth wanderer ...[1], and, so ...[2], and ... Do YOU(!) really want me at your event(s)?[1], and poor cold earth wanderer ...[2], and, listen! ... I can't bring those dead ghost guys - they're GONE(!)[1], and ... Do YOU(!) really want me at your event(s)?[2], and somewheres lost in the astral desert of my mind, my soul ...[1], and, listen! ... I can't bring those dead ghost guys - they're GONE(!)[2], and ... I can bring the mystic kooks![1], and somewheres lost in the astral desert of my mind, my soul ...[2], and, or ... maybe not[1], and ... I can bring the mystic kooks![2], and, Christ! ... it's a lot of trouble for a busy sha/man[1], and, or ... maybe not[2], and I've got my guitar to play ...[1], and, Christ! ... it's a lot of trouble for a busy sha/man[2], and I'm actually very reclusive ...[1], and I've got my guitar to play ...[2], and to be honest ... it's much easier if you just get a-ROUND with the rest of us[1], and I'm actually very reclusive ...[2], and spin, spin, spin! ... you will like it[1], and to be honest ... it's much easier if you just get a-ROUND with the rest of us[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and come on, don't be square[1], and s pin, sp in, s pin! ... you will like it[2], and ... 'You can lead a horse to water, boss'[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and come on, don't be square[2], and tell me about it![1], and ... 'You can lead a horse to water, boss'[2], and, well, well ...[3], and tell me about it![2], and I'm a mystical guy, you dig?[3], and I used to burn in the desert ... with the blood and, uh ... fire(!), obviously[3], and, BUT(!) ... NOW(!) I'm a-ROUND here[3], and why should I be where you are?![3], and I'm not part of your world, man / and I've invented my own world - and I'm very happy with it[3], and I'm too "crazy" for your sort, seriously[3], and don't be sad[3], and maybe one day, ah, one day ... I'll visit you for a laugh[3], and ... 'Ha, ha, ha!'[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... you won't be laughing yourself, no, no, no / and, oh, I will, and my friends will[3], and ... 'I'm your friend, Mikey' / and yeah, yeah, of course you are, Voice[3], and, so ...[3], and poor cold earth wanderer ...[3], and ... Do YOU(!) really want me at your event(s)?[3], and, listen! ... I can't bring those dead ghost guys - they're GONE(!)[3], and somewheres lost in the astral desert of my mind, my soul ...[3], and ... I can bring the mystic kooks![3], and, or ... maybe not[3], and, Christ! ... it's a lot of trouble for a busy sha/man[3], and I've got my guitar to play ...[3], and I'm actually very reclusive ...[3], and to be honest ... it's much easier if you just get a-ROUND with the rest of us[3], and s  p  i  n, s  p  i  n, s  p  i  n! ... you will like it[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and come on, don't be square[3], and ... 'You can lead a horse to water, boss'[3], and tell me about it![3], and

And, well, well ...[1], and I'm a mystical guy, you dig?[1], and, well, well ...[2], and I used to burn in the desert ... with the blood and, uh ... fire(!), obviously[1], and I'm a mystical guy, you dig?[2], and, BUT(!) ... NOW(!) I'm a-ROUND here[1], and I used to burn in the desert ... with the blood and, uh ... fire(!), obviously[2], and why should I be where you are?![1], and, BUT(!) ... NOW(!) I'm a-ROUND here[2], and I'm not part of your world, man / and I've invented my own world - and I'm very happy with it[1], and why should I be where you are?![2], and I'm too "crazy" for your sort, seriously[1], and I'm not part of your world, man / and I've invented my own world - and I'm very happy with it[2], and don't be sad[1], and I'm too "crazy" for your sort, seriously[2], and maybe one day, ah, one day ... I'll visit you for a laugh[1], and don't be sad[2], and ... 'Ha, ha, ha!'[1], and maybe one day, ah, one day ... I'll visit you for a laugh[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... you won't be laughing yourself, no, no, no / and, oh, I will, and my friends will[1], and ... 'Ha, ha, ha!'[2], and ... 'I'm your friend, Mikey' / and yeah, yeah, of course you are, Voice[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... you won't be laughing yourself, no, no, no / and, oh, I will, and my friends will[2], and, so ...[1], and ... 'I'm your friend, Mikey' / and yeah, yeah, of course you are, Voice[2], and poor cold earth wanderer ...[1], and, so ...[2], and ... Do YOU(!) really want me at your event(s)?[1], and poor cold earth wanderer ...[2], and, listen! ... I can't bring those dead ghost guys - they're GONE(!)[1], and ... Do YOU(!) really want me at your event(s)?[2], and somewheres lost in the astral desert of my mind, my soul ...[1], and, listen! ... I can't bring those dead ghost guys - they're GONE(!)[2], and ... I can bring the mystic kooks![1], and somewheres lost in the astral desert of my mind, my soul ...[2], and, or ... maybe not[1], and ... I can bring the mystic kooks![2], and, Christ! ... it's a lot of trouble for a busy sha/man[1], and, or ... maybe not[2], and I've got my guitar to play ...[1], and, Christ! ... it's a lot of trouble for a busy sha/man[2], and I'm actually very reclusive ...[1], and I've got my guitar to play ...[2], and to be honest ... it's much easier if you just get a-ROUND with the rest of us[1], and I'm actually very reclusive ...[2], and spin, spin, spin! ... you will like it[1], and to be honest ... it's much easier if you just get a-ROUND with the rest of us[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and come on, don't be square[1], and s pin, sp in, s pin! ... you will like it[2], and ... 'You can lead a horse to water, boss'[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and come on, don't be square[2], and tell me about it![1], and ... 'You can lead a horse to water, boss'[2], and, well, well ...[3], and tell me about it![2], and I'm a mystical guy, you dig?[3], and I used to burn in the desert ... with the blood and, uh ... fire(!), obviously[3], and, BUT(!) ... NOW(!) I'm a-ROUND here[3], and why should I be where you are?![3], and I'm not part of your world, man / and I've invented my own world - and I'm very happy with it[3], and I'm too "crazy" for your sort, seriously[3], and don't be sad[3], and maybe one day, ah, one day ... I'll visit you for a laugh[3], and ... 'Ha, ha, ha!'[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... you won't be laughing yourself, no, no, no / and, oh, I will, and my friends will[3], and ... 'I'm your friend, Mikey' / and yeah, yeah, of course you are, Voice[3], and, so ...[3], and poor cold earth wanderer ...[3], and ... Do YOU(!) really want me at your event(s)?[3], and, listen! ... I can't bring those dead ghost guys - they're GONE(!)[3], and somewheres lost in the astral desert of my mind, my soul ...[3], and ... I can bring the mystic kooks![3], and, or ... maybe not[3], and, Christ! ... it's a lot of trouble for a busy sha/man[3], and I've got my guitar to play ...[3], and I'm actually very reclusive ...[3], and to be honest ... it's much easier if you just get a-ROUND with the rest of us[3], and s  p  i  n, s  p  i  n, s  p  i  n! ... you will like it[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and come on, don't be square[3], and ... 'You can lead a horse to water, boss'[3], and tell me about it![3], and

What am I invited to now?

Well, well ... / Another day, another invitation. Why am I so popular? 'You're the world's foremost financial shaman, boss.' That's right, Voice.

Well, dear reader(s), here we are ...

Invitation to Sectra's Capital Markets Day on September 26 - focus on cybersecurity, Linköping, Sweden, September 16, 2019 - International medical imaging IT and cybersecurity company Sectra will hold a Capital Markets Day on September 26, 2019 in Stockholm, Sweden. The focus will be on Sectra's Secure Communications operating area. The aim is to give investors insight into Sectra's role and growth potential in the increasingly dangerous world of cybersecurity threats. Among the speakers are members of Sectra's management and Pia Gruvö, Head of the Crypto and IT Security Department/Director NCSA at the Swedish Armed Forces.

When: September 26, 2019

Location: GT30, Greve Turegatan 30, Stockholm, Sweden


Okay, okay. I'm not going all the way to Sweden for this. Seriously! I can't even speak Swedish, man. 'They can probably speak English, boss. They sent you the email in English.' Yeah, yeah. Listen! If I can't be bothered to travel into central London for some, uh ... cockamamie breakfast briefing bullshit, Christ! ... I'm not going to travel to Sweden, am I?

Anyway, let's do the program and speakers ...

The program starts with registration and breakfast at 8:15a.m. and ends at around 1:00pm. A light lunch will be served during the event. Participants will have the opportunity to mingle with senior management and see demos of Sectra's products for a safer society.

Oh. Er ... 'A free breakfast, boss.' Yes. 'A free lunch, too!' It's a light lunch, Voice. 'A light lunch is better than nothing. What else do you want for free?!' Well, maybe free travel. And a free hotel room. 'Yeah, right. If wishes were - Listen! You want the moon, you do. Never satisfied.' Shut up!

Torbjörn Kronander (CEO and President Sectra AB) and Simo Pykälistö (President of Sectra Secure Communications) will be presenting together with other members of the Secure Communications management team.

Fair enough. I mean, I have no complaints. 'But what about Pia?!' Ha! -

Pia Gruvö, Head of the Crypto and IT Security Department/Director NCSA at the Swedish Armed Forces, will speak about encryption and how the Security Protection Act and increasing cyber security threats influence government authorities and companies. Note that this session will be held in Swedish.

Oh no! In Swedish! You see, I told you! 'Yeah, yeah. You told me.' I'm definitely not going now. They'll just have to have a nice time without me. 'I'm sure they’ll manage.' Don't be like that, Voice.

...

Anything else? Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 'What the hell is that?!' A vocal exercise, Voice. I found it on YouTube. 'Oh.' It really helps.

Anyway ... later(s), blog fan(s)!

Monday, 16 September 2019

[No. 739] The new one

For "Michael Fowke".

And, uh ...[1], and, well ... time needs to be put into it[1], and, uh ...[2], and a guitar[1], and, well ... time needs to be put into it[2], and, ah ... focus with no distractions, yes, yes[1], and a gui tar[2], and a voice[1], and, ah ... focus with no dist ractions, yes, yes[2], and, oh ... lots of passion, obviously[1], and a vo ice[2], and a star[1], and, oh ... lots of passion, obviously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and looking for a miracle, for a transformation![1], and a s tar[2], and ... why not?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and looking for a mirac le, for a transfor mation![2], and away from here ...[1], and ... why not?[2], and GONE(!) from reality as they know it ...[1], and away from here ...[2], and quite untouchable, if it all goes well ... / ... and well, well ... it's what all the work has been for, yes[1], and GONE(!) from reality as they know it ...[2], and ... 'More work?!'[1], and quite untou chable, if it all goes well ... / ... and well, well ... it's what all the work has been for, yes[2], and, ha![1], and ... 'More work?!'[2], and there is always more work, Christ![1], and, ha![2], and ... 'You love it, Mikey!'[1], and there is always more work, Christ![2], and I know, I know[1], and ... 'You love it, Mikey!'[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ...[1], and I know, I know[2], and, listen! ... building a new human being from scratch ain't easy, man[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ...[2], and, so ...[1], and, listen! ... building a new hu man be ing from scratch ain't easy, man[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and Tony says it's the mother of skill[1], and, so ...[2], and ... 'Ugh'[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and Tony says it's the mother of skill[2], and what would Goggins do?[1], and ... 'Ugh'[2], and ... 'Now you're talking!'[1], and what would Goggins do?[2], and I am ... large as life[1], and ... 'Now you're talking!'[2], and ... 'The old you?'[1], and I am ... large as life[2], and here I am[1], and ... 'The old you?'[2], and here I am - yes, it's me, for the time being[1], and here I am[2], and here I go![1], and here I am - yes, it's me, for the time being[2], and a-ROUND with such determination ...[1], and here I go![2], and an image, a figure[1], and a-ROUND with such de termination ...[2], and ... 'What?! Wow!'[1], and an im age, a fig ure[2], and did you see that, Voice?![1], and ... 'What?! Wow!'[2], and ... 'I caught a glimpse, boss'[1], and did you see that, Voice?![2], and, congratulations! ... because you're the first, the very first, but not the last, oh no[1], and ... 'I caught a glimp se, boss'[2], and I got a feeling ...[1], and, congratulations! ... because you're the first, the very first, but not the last, oh no[2], and ... 'Tell me! Tell the kooks!'[1], and I got a feeling ...[2], and I got a feeling ... that it will get bigger and better with every spin[1], and ... 'Tell me! Tell the kooks!'[2], and it's too late to back out now[1], and I got a f eeling ... that it will get bigger and better with every spin[2], and, uh ...[3], and it's too late to back out now[2], and, well ... time needs to be put into it[3], and a g  u  i  t  a  r[3], and, ah ... focus with no d  i  s  t  r  a  c  t  i  o  n  s, yes, yes[3], and a v  o  i  c  e[3], and, oh ... lots of passion, obviously[3], and a s  t  a  r[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and looking for a m  i  r  a  c  l  e, for a t  r  a  n  s  f  o  r  m  a  t  i  o  n![3], and ... why not?[3], and away from here ...[3], and GONE(!) from reality as they know it ...[3], and quite u  n  t  o  u  c  h  a  b  l  e, if it all goes well ... / ... and well, well ... it's what all the work has been for, yes[3], and ... 'More work?!'[3], and, ha![3], and there is always more work, Christ![3], and ... 'You love it, Mikey!'[3], and I know, I know[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ...[3], and, listen! ... building a new h  u  m  a  n b  e  i  n  g from scratch ain't easy, man[3], and, so ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and Tony says it's the mother of skill[3], and ... 'Ugh'[3], and what would Goggins do?[3], and ... 'Now you're talking!'[3], and I am ... large as life[3], and ... 'The old you?'[3], and here I am[3], and here I am - yes, it's me, for the time being[3], and here I go![3], and a-ROUND with such d  e  t  e  r  m  i  n  a  t  i  o  n ...[3], and an i  m  a  g  e, a f  i  g  u  r  e[3], and ... 'What?! Wow!'[3], and did you see that, Voice?![3], and ... 'I caught a g  l  i  m  p  s  e, boss'[3], and, congratulations! ... because you're the first, the very first, but not the last, oh no[3], and I got a feeling ...[3], and ... 'Tell me! Tell the kooks!'[3], and I got a f  e  e  l  i  n  g ... that it will get bigger and better with every spin[3], and it's too late to back out now[3], and

And, uh ...[1], and, well ... time needs to be put into it[1], and, uh ...[2], and a guitar[1], and, well ... time needs to be put into it[2], and, ah ... focus with no distractions, yes, yes[1], and a gui tar[2], and a voice[1], and, ah ... focus with no dist ractions, yes, yes[2], and, oh ... lots of passion, obviously[1], and a vo ice[2], and a star[1], and, oh ... lots of passion, obviously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and looking for a miracle, for a transformation![1], and a s tar[2], and ... why not?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and looking for a mirac le, for a transfor mation![2], and away from here ...[1], and ... why not?[2], and GONE(!) from reality as they know it ...[1], and away from here ...[2], and quite untouchable, if it all goes well ... / ... and well, well ... it's what all the work has been for, yes[1], and GONE(!) from reality as they know it ...[2], and ... 'More work?!'[1], and quite untou chable, if it all goes well ... / ... and well, well ... it's what all the work has been for, yes[2], and, ha![1], and ... 'More work?!'[2], and there is always more work, Christ![1], and, ha![2], and ... 'You love it, Mikey!'[1], and there is always more work, Christ![2], and I know, I know[1], and ... 'You love it, Mikey!'[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ...[1], and I know, I know[2], and, listen! ... building a new human being from scratch ain't easy, man[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ...[2], and, so ...[1], and, listen! ... building a new hu man be ing from scratch ain't easy, man[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and Tony says it's the mother of skill[1], and, so ...[2], and ... 'Ugh'[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and Tony says it's the mother of skill[2], and what would Goggins do?[1], and ... 'Ugh'[2], and ... 'Now you're talking!'[1], and what would Goggins do?[2], and I am ... large as life[1], and ... 'Now you're talking!'[2], and ... 'The old you?'[1], and I am ... large as life[2], and here I am[1], and ... 'The old you?'[2], and here I am - yes, it's me, for the time being[1], and here I am[2], and here I go![1], and here I am - yes, it's me, for the time being[2], and a-ROUND with such determination ...[1], and here I go![2], and an image, a figure[1], and a-ROUND with such de termination ...[2], and ... 'What?! Wow!'[1], and an im age, a fig ure[2], and did you see that, Voice?![1], and ... 'What?! Wow!'[2], and ... 'I caught a glimpse, boss'[1], and did you see that, Voice?![2], and, congratulations! ... because you're the first, the very first, but not the last, oh no[1], and ... 'I caught a glimp se, boss'[2], and I got a feeling ...[1], and, congratulations! ... because you're the first, the very first, but not the last, oh no[2], and ... 'Tell me! Tell the kooks!'[1], and I got a feeling ...[2], and I got a feeling ... that it will get bigger and better with every spin[1], and ... 'Tell me! Tell the kooks!'[2], and it's too late to back out now[1], and I got a f eeling ... that it will get bigger and better with every spin[2], and, uh ...[3], and it's too late to back out now[2], and, well ... time needs to be put into it[3], and a g  u  i  t  a  r[3], and, ah ... focus with no d  i  s  t  r  a  c  t  i  o  n  s, yes, yes[3], and a v  o  i  c  e[3], and, oh ... lots of passion, obviously[3], and a s  t  a  r[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and looking for a m  i  r  a  c  l  e, for a t  r  a  n  s  f  o  r  m  a  t  i  o  n![3], and ... why not?[3], and away from here ...[3], and GONE(!) from reality as they know it ...[3], and quite u  n  t  o  u  c  h  a  b  l  e, if it all goes well ... / ... and well, well ... it's what all the work has been for, yes[3], and ... 'More work?!'[3], and, ha![3], and there is always more work, Christ![3], and ... 'You love it, Mikey!'[3], and I know, I know[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ...[3], and, listen! ... building a new h  u  m  a  n b  e  i  n  g from scratch ain't easy, man[3], and, so ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and Tony says it's the mother of skill[3], and ... 'Ugh'[3], and what would Goggins do?[3], and ... 'Now you're talking!'[3], and I am ... large as life[3], and ... 'The old you?'[3], and here I am[3], and here I am - yes, it's me, for the time being[3], and here I go![3], and a-ROUND with such d  e  t  e  r  m  i  n  a  t  i  o  n ...[3], and an i  m  a  g  e, a f  i  g  u  r  e[3], and ... 'What?! Wow!'[3], and did you see that, Voice?![3], and ... 'I caught a g  l  i  m  p  s  e, boss'[3], and, congratulations! ... because you're the first, the very first, but not the last, oh no[3], and I got a feeling ...[3], and ... 'Tell me! Tell the kooks!'[3], and I got a f  e  e  l  i  n  g ... that it will get bigger and better with every spin[3], and it's too late to back out now[3], and

And, uh ...[1], and, well ... time needs to be put into it[1], and, uh ...[2], and a guitar[1], and, well ... time needs to be put into it[2], and, ah ... focus with no distractions, yes, yes[1], and a gui tar[2], and a voice[1], and, ah ... focus with no dist ractions, yes, yes[2], and, oh ... lots of passion, obviously[1], and a vo ice[2], and a star[1], and, oh ... lots of passion, obviously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and looking for a miracle, for a transformation![1], and a s tar[2], and ... why not?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and looking for a mirac le, for a transfor mation![2], and away from here ...[1], and ... why not?[2], and GONE(!) from reality as they know it ...[1], and away from here ...[2], and quite untouchable, if it all goes well ... / ... and well, well ... it's what all the work has been for, yes[1], and GONE(!) from reality as they know it ...[2], and ... 'More work?!'[1], and quite untou chable, if it all goes well ... / ... and well, well ... it's what all the work has been for, yes[2], and, ha![1], and ... 'More work?!'[2], and there is always more work, Christ![1], and, ha![2], and ... 'You love it, Mikey!'[1], and there is always more work, Christ![2], and I know, I know[1], and ... 'You love it, Mikey!'[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ...[1], and I know, I know[2], and, listen! ... building a new human being from scratch ain't easy, man[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ...[2], and, so ...[1], and, listen! ... building a new hu man be ing from scratch ain't easy, man[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and Tony says it's the mother of skill[1], and, so ...[2], and ... 'Ugh'[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and Tony says it's the mother of skill[2], and what would Goggins do?[1], and ... 'Ugh'[2], and ... 'Now you're talking!'[1], and what would Goggins do?[2], and I am ... large as life[1], and ... 'Now you're talking!'[2], and ... 'The old you?'[1], and I am ... large as life[2], and here I am[1], and ... 'The old you?'[2], and here I am - yes, it's me, for the time being[1], and here I am[2], and here I go![1], and here I am - yes, it's me, for the time being[2], and a-ROUND with such determination ...[1], and here I go![2], and an image, a figure[1], and a-ROUND with such de termination ...[2], and ... 'What?! Wow!'[1], and an im age, a fig ure[2], and did you see that, Voice?![1], and ... 'What?! Wow!'[2], and ... 'I caught a glimpse, boss'[1], and did you see that, Voice?![2], and, congratulations! ... because you're the first, the very first, but not the last, oh no[1], and ... 'I caught a glimp se, boss'[2], and I got a feeling ...[1], and, congratulations! ... because you're the first, the very first, but not the last, oh no[2], and ... 'Tell me! Tell the kooks!'[1], and I got a feeling ...[2], and I got a feeling ... that it will get bigger and better with every spin[1], and ... 'Tell me! Tell the kooks!'[2], and it's too late to back out now[1], and I got a f eeling ... that it will get bigger and better with every spin[2], and, uh ...[3], and it's too late to back out now[2], and, well ... time needs to be put into it[3], and a g  u  i  t  a  r[3], and, ah ... focus with no d  i  s  t  r  a  c  t  i  o  n  s, yes, yes[3], and a v  o  i  c  e[3], and, oh ... lots of passion, obviously[3], and a s  t  a  r[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and looking for a m  i  r  a  c  l  e, for a t  r  a  n  s  f  o  r  m  a  t  i  o  n![3], and ... why not?[3], and away from here ...[3], and GONE(!) from reality as they know it ...[3], and quite u  n  t  o  u  c  h  a  b  l  e, if it all goes well ... / ... and well, well ... it's what all the work has been for, yes[3], and ... 'More work?!'[3], and, ha![3], and there is always more work, Christ![3], and ... 'You love it, Mikey!'[3], and I know, I know[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ...[3], and, listen! ... building a new h  u  m  a  n b  e  i  n  g from scratch ain't easy, man[3], and, so ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and Tony says it's the mother of skill[3], and ... 'Ugh'[3], and what would Goggins do?[3], and ... 'Now you're talking!'[3], and I am ... large as life[3], and ... 'The old you?'[3], and here I am[3], and here I am - yes, it's me, for the time being[3], and here I go![3], and a-ROUND with such d  e  t  e  r  m  i  n  a  t  i  o  n ...[3], and an i  m  a  g  e, a f  i  g  u  r  e[3], and ... 'What?! Wow!'[3], and did you see that, Voice?![3], and ... 'I caught a g  l  i  m  p  s  e, boss'[3], and, congratulations! ... because you're the first, the very first, but not the last, oh no[3], and I got a feeling ...[3], and ... 'Tell me! Tell the kooks!'[3], and I got a f  e  e  l  i  n  g ... that it will get bigger and better with every spin[3], and it's too late to back out now[3], and

Europe's payments industry sees a rise!

Yes, it does. Yes, it does, Yes, uh ... it does! / It sees a rise of 100% in deal activity in Q2 2019. 'Great!' Yeah. And how do I know this? 'It's a PR email, boss.' That's right, Voice.

Europe's payments industry sees a rise of 100% in deal activity in Q2 2019, says GlobalData.

[2], ... nice!

Europe's payments industry saw a rise of 100% in overall deal activity during Q2 2019, when compared to the four-quarter average, according to GlobalData, a leading data and analytics company.

[3], ... very nice! / Beautiful repetition, kook(s)! Three times a-ROUND, just how I like it. 'With a bit of variation though.' That's all right, man. Do you see me complaining? 'No.' Well, there you go.

Okay, okay. Here's the rest of it -

A total of 46 deals worth $2.66bn were announced for the region during Q2 2019, against the last four-quarter average of 23 deals.

Of all the deal types, venture financing saw the most activity in Q2 2019 with 24, representing a 52.2% share for the region.

In second place was mergers and acquisitions (M&A) with 17 deals, followed by private equity deals with five transactions, respectively capturing a 37% and 10.9% share of the overall deal activity for the quarter.

In terms of value of deals, M&A was the leading category in Europe's payments industry with $1.08bn, while private equity and venture financing deals totalled $970.95m and $604.31m, respectively.

Europe payments industry deals in Q2 2019: Top deals

The top five payments deals accounted for 85% of the overall value during Q2 2019.

The combined value of the top five payments deals stood at $2.26bn, against the overall value of $2.66bn recorded for the quarter. The top announced payments deal tracked by GlobalData in Q2 2019 was Nuvei Bidco's $889m acquisition of SafeCharge International Group.

In second place was the $672.59m private equity deal with Automobile Association Developments and Post Office by Centerbridge Partners, Jaja Finance and Kohlberg Kravis Roberts & Co and in third place was Andreessen Horowitz, Baillie Gifford &, BlackRock, Lead Edge Capital Management, Lone Pine Capital and Vitruvian Partners' $292m private equity deal with TransferWise.

The $230m venture financing of Checkout by Blossom Capital, DST Global, Endeavor Catalyst, GIC and Insight Venture Management and Accel, LeapFrog Investments and Technology Crossover Management VII's venture financing of WorldRemit for $175m held fourth and fifth positions, respectively.

ENDS


Well, well ... / Listen! Don't ever say, dear reader(s), that I don't give you financial news. I mean, there it is/was. What more do you want?! Seriously!

...

Anything else? Oh, I bought that Rocketman film for my phone at the weekend.

Okay, okay. More? You want more?! Really? Music update? Er, this is a finance blog, kook(s). FFS! 'Go on, boss.' No! This has got to stop. I'm cutting out all the personal stuff, anyway. 'Yeah.' I am! It's beyond a joke. THIS IS A FINANCE BLOG. How many times do I have to tell you people?

Of course, I'll be writing a conceptual later, No. 739, which will have absolutely nothing to do with finance.

Music, then? Oh, I'm still rehearsing BECAUSE(!) ... [drum roll] ... I want to! Do you understand? I want to!

It's not a crime.

Laters!

Thursday, 12 September 2019

Hell Week ... ?!

Well, well ... / Well, dear reader(s), I haven't been doing Hell Week, exactly. I mean, it can't really be done without an instructor screaming at you 24/7, BUT(!) - 'I can do that for you, boss!' Shut up, idiot!

BUT(!) ... I have been pushing myself this week harder than ever before. When I haven't been blogging, I've been playing guitar and singing.

I've been making a big effort. Very big.

...

I'm reading Can't Hurt Me for the third time.

...

My anxiety is down. Take my advice, kook(s): you need to be on a mission.

...

Oh, I was rehearsing Nothing this morning. I still think it's the greatest song written by anybody. Seriously! I have to be careful not to play it too fast, though. I get excited, man. / Listen! I've tried describing it in the past. Think of a lively Beatles song like maybe, uh ... We Can Work It Out. [Beethoven? Beatles make more sense.] Imagine it's 5.00 instead of 2.15, and then imagine that one of Shakespeare's soliloquies has been set to the tune. [I've mentioned Shakey before.] 'Ha!' Yes, yes. And, oh, of course ... imagine that it doesn't sound totally ridiculous, man. That's what it's like. Maybe. I don't know.

...

It's not a ballad. Most of the best songs are ballads, I reckon.

...

This is the last post of the week. I'll be playing some tunes in a while.

...

This post is a bit fragmented, ain't it? Never mind. I feel different, you dig?

...

A bit confused.

...

No. I'm not playing loads of tunes, or even a few. I'm in the mood for the first movement of Beethoven's Ninth. And that's all. 'Which recording, Mikey?' Don't be an idiot, idiot! 'Oh, Karajan, 1977.' Yes, Voice. Yes!

...

Later(s), alligator(s).

Wednesday, 11 September 2019

I don't want photographs!

I've been offered photographs, dear reader(s). But I don't want them! Do you understand? 'What's this, boss?!' Oh, hello, Voice. PR people are saying I can have pictures of the guys who have been promoted, but ... 'You don't put pictures on your blog.' No, I don't. And I don't want them, anyway, man. Even to look at. Let me imagine what these guys are like, you dig? Let my wild, mystical imagination run, er ... wild, you dig? 'Great!' Yeah. Of course it is.

Anyway ...

Liam McGuinness, has been promoted to partner at CIL, the leading management consultancy. CIL has grown rapidly and has built a reputation for private equity due diligence and corporate strategy engagements to support management teams across a range of sectors.

Congratulations, Liam! You deserve it ... I'm sure. 'Are you really sure, boss?' Well, I'm as sure as I can be without seeing a photo of him. 'But what about your wild, mystical imagination?' Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it.

Also announced today was the promotion of James de La Salle, to Director of the Built Environment practice. James joined CIL in 2012 and has focused on construction and building projects. He also has significant experience in business services, particularly legal services.

Oh, okay. Uh. / But let's concentrate on Liam!

Liam, who heads the consumer practice, joined CIL in 2007 and has been instrumental in building the firm's expertise in the sector. He has in-depth knowledge across the sector, with recent clients including UK and European holiday operators, branded and private label food and drink manufacturers, gym chains, fast casual dining chains and D2C subscription businesses. He provides due diligence advice to private equity investors and strategic support to management teams, helping them develop growth plans.

Well, er, okay. Nice one, I suppose. Uh ... 'Are you getting any vibes, boss?' About what, Voice? 'Christ! About our Liam, man. Are you seeing into the depths of his soul or something?' No. 'But your wild, mystical imagination! You used to see all kinds of things in these guys that you write about.' Ha! Listen! Voice, reader(s). I don't have the energy these days. 'Oh.' That's the honest truth. 'Oh.' Deal with it! / Let's hear from Giles Johnson ...

Commenting on Liam's promotion, Giles Johnson, managing partner at CIL, says: "Liam is a great example of CIL's home-grown talent. He joined our graduate scheme and has successfully developed our consumer practice, advising household names and fast-growing businesses. Also, Liam's a rather talented shaman. A great shaman, in fact! He's a veteran of the desert, astral and physical. He's burnt brightly with the best of them. Many years ago -"

Hang on! He hasn't burnt brightly with me, mate! This is the first I've heard of this ... Liam McGuinness. FFS! 'Giles is just trying to wind you up, boss. Ignore him.' Yeah, okay. / Let's hear from the "great" man himself then, Mr Liam McGuinness ...

Liam McGuinness says: "I am delighted to join the senior management team. The business is growing rapidly, and we are seeing increasing demand for advice from investors and corporates. I look forward to further developing our consumer and retail consultancy offer."

Okay. I'm genuinely pleased for you, Liam, but it's pretty obvious that you don't have a mystical bone in your body. I'm just saying, like.

ENDS

...

Anything else? Listen, kook(s)! I don't go into the desert these days, astral or physical. I put all my energy into my conceptual posts now. It's a different sort of mysticism, man. You dig? I don't write about these finance and business guys with their chakras, and their auras, and ... whatnot any more. 'Calm down, Mikey!' All right.

All right.

All right.

Laters.

...

Tuesday, 10 September 2019

[No. 738] Uh

What else?

And, yes, uh[1], and it's the beginning![1], and, yes, u h[2], and sometimes ... just uh, you dig?[1], and it's the beginning![2], and I don't know, really[1], and sometimes ... just u h, you dig?[2], and BECAUSE(!), listen! ... everything is so confusing, and there's not much else to say[1], and I don't know, really[2], and, oh ... sometimes[1], and BECAUSE(!), listen! ... everything is so confusing, and there's not much else to say[2], and even ... uh, uh, uh[1], and, oh ... sometimes[2], and when you break them, wow! / and ... do you know what I mean?[1], and even ... u h, u h, u h[2], and in the morning, uh[1], and when you break them, wow! / and ... do you know what I mean?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and spin yourself silly, kook(s)![1], and in the morning, u h[2], and ... 'Yes, Mikey!'[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and spin yourself silly, kook(s)![2], and in the evening, uh[1], and ... 'Yes, Mikey!'[2], and I know that we all like a mystery ...[1], and in the evening, u h[2], and ... you?[1], and I know that we all like a mystery ...[2], and don't go looking too deep ... for things that can't be there, and will never be there[1], and ... you?[2], and beyond is golden, obviously[1], and don't go looking too deep ... for things that can't be there, and will never be there[2], and, so ... smile ... there's nothing else[1], and beyond is golden, obviously[2], and accept, please![1], and, so ... smile ... there's nothing else[2], and ... 'Here - !!!'[1], and accept, please![2], and the astral plane is missing an idiot[1], and ... 'Here - !!!'[2], and here ... ? right here ... ?! / and, oh, I couldn't tell you, Voice / and even if I could ... ha, ha, ha![1], and the astral plane is missing an idiot[2], and ... 'Uh'[1], and here ... ? right here ... ?! / and, oh, I couldn't tell you, Voice / and even if I could ... ha, ha, ha![2], and, yes, that's the spirit![1], and ... 'U h'[2], and let it mean what I want, same as all the others, not a lot, broken sound for rocks to know about[1], and, yes, that's the spirit![2], and when we're gone, like[1], and let it mean what I want, same as all the others, not a lot, broken sound for rocks to know about[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we must keep spinning, for now[1], and when we're gone, like[2], and ... is it the only thing that makes sense to us?[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we must keep spinning, for now[2], and, no, no, no ... / and a-ROUND here ... we are free from sense, surely?[1], and ... is it the only thing that makes sense to us?[2], and rather ... yes, yes, yes[1], and, no, no, no ... / and a-ROUND here ... we are free from sense, surely?[2], and I think you'll find that it doesn't actually matter[1], and rather ... yes, yes, yes[2], and at the end ... uh[1], and I think you'll find that it doesn't actually matter[2], and, yes, u  h[3], and at the end ... u h[2], and it's the beginning![3], and sometimes ... just u  h, you dig?[3], and I don't know, really[3], and BECAUSE(!), listen! ... everything is so confusing, and there's not much else to say[3], and, oh ... sometimes[3], and even ... u  h, u  h, u  h[3], and when you break them, wow! / and ... do you know what I mean?[3], and in the morning, u  h[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and spin yourself silly, kook(s)![3], and ... 'Yes, Mikey!'[3], and in the evening, u  h[3], and I know that we all like a mystery ...[3], and ... you?[3], and don't go looking too deep ... for things that can't be there, and will never be there[3], and beyond is golden, obviously[3], and, so ... smile ... there's nothing else[3], and accept, please![3], and ... 'Here - !!!'[3], and the astral plane is missing an idiot[3], and here ... ? right here ... ?! / and, oh, I couldn't tell you, Voice / and even if I could ... ha, ha, ha![3], and ... 'U  h'[3], and, yes, that's the spirit![3], and let it mean what I want, same as all the others, not a lot, broken sound for rocks to know about[3], and when we're gone, like[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we must keep spinning, for now[3], and ... is it the only thing that makes sense to us?[3], and, no, no, no ... / and a-ROUND here ... we are free from sense, surely?[3], and rather ... yes, yes, yes[3], and I think you'll find that it doesn't actually matter[3], and at the end ... u  h[3], and

And, yes, uh[1], and it's the beginning![1], and, yes, u h[2], and sometimes ... just uh, you dig?[1], and it's the beginning![2], and I don't know, really[1], and sometimes ... just u h, you dig?[2], and BECAUSE(!), listen! ... everything is so confusing, and there's not much else to say[1], and I don't know, really[2], and, oh ... sometimes[1], and BECAUSE(!), listen! ... everything is so confusing, and there's not much else to say[2], and even ... uh, uh, uh[1], and, oh ... sometimes[2], and when you break them, wow! / and ... do you know what I mean?[1], and even ... u h, u h, u h[2], and in the morning, uh[1], and when you break them, wow! / and ... do you know what I mean?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and spin yourself silly, kook(s)![1], and in the morning, u h[2], and ... 'Yes, Mikey!'[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and spin yourself silly, kook(s)![2], and in the evening, uh[1], and ... 'Yes, Mikey!'[2], and I know that we all like a mystery ...[1], and in the evening, u h[2], and ... you?[1], and I know that we all like a mystery ...[2], and don't go looking too deep ... for things that can't be there, and will never be there[1], and ... you?[2], and beyond is golden, obviously[1], and don't go looking too deep ... for things that can't be there, and will never be there[2], and, so ... smile ... there's nothing else[1], and beyond is golden, obviously[2], and accept, please![1], and, so ... smile ... there's nothing else[2], and ... 'Here - !!!'[1], and accept, please![2], and the astral plane is missing an idiot[1], and ... 'Here - !!!'[2], and here ... ? right here ... ?! / and, oh, I couldn't tell you, Voice / and even if I could ... ha, ha, ha![1], and the astral plane is missing an idiot[2], and ... 'Uh'[1], and here ... ? right here ... ?! / and, oh, I couldn't tell you, Voice / and even if I could ... ha, ha, ha![2], and, yes, that's the spirit![1], and ... 'U h'[2], and let it mean what I want, same as all the others, not a lot, broken sound for rocks to know about[1], and, yes, that's the spirit![2], and when we're gone, like[1], and let it mean what I want, same as all the others, not a lot, broken sound for rocks to know about[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we must keep spinning, for now[1], and when we're gone, like[2], and ... is it the only thing that makes sense to us?[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we must keep spinning, for now[2], and, no, no, no ... / and a-ROUND here ... we are free from sense, surely?[1], and ... is it the only thing that makes sense to us?[2], and rather ... yes, yes, yes[1], and, no, no, no ... / and a-ROUND here ... we are free from sense, surely?[2], and I think you'll find that it doesn't actually matter[1], and rather ... yes, yes, yes[2], and at the end ... uh[1], and I think you'll find that it doesn't actually matter[2], and, yes, u  h[3], and at the end ... u h[2], and it's the beginning![3], and sometimes ... just u  h, you dig?[3], and I don't know, really[3], and BECAUSE(!), listen! ... everything is so confusing, and there's not much else to say[3], and, oh ... sometimes[3], and even ... u  h, u  h, u  h[3], and when you break them, wow! / and ... do you know what I mean?[3], and in the morning, u  h[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and spin yourself silly, kook(s)![3], and ... 'Yes, Mikey!'[3], and in the evening, u  h[3], and I know that we all like a mystery ...[3], and ... you?[3], and don't go looking too deep ... for things that can't be there, and will never be there[3], and beyond is golden, obviously[3], and, so ... smile ... there's nothing else[3], and accept, please![3], and ... 'Here - !!!'[3], and the astral plane is missing an idiot[3], and here ... ? right here ... ?! / and, oh, I couldn't tell you, Voice / and even if I could ... ha, ha, ha![3], and ... 'U  h'[3], and, yes, that's the spirit![3], and let it mean what I want, same as all the others, not a lot, broken sound for rocks to know about[3], and when we're gone, like[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we must keep spinning, for now[3], and ... is it the only thing that makes sense to us?[3], and, no, no, no ... / and a-ROUND here ... we are free from sense, surely?[3], and rather ... yes, yes, yes[3], and I think you'll find that it doesn't actually matter[3], and at the end ... u  h[3], and

And, yes, uh[1], and it's the beginning![1], and, yes, u h[2], and sometimes ... just uh, you dig?[1], and it's the beginning![2], and I don't know, really[1], and sometimes ... just u h, you dig?[2], and BECAUSE(!), listen! ... everything is so confusing, and there's not much else to say[1], and I don't know, really[2], and, oh ... sometimes[1], and BECAUSE(!), listen! ... everything is so confusing, and there's not much else to say[2], and even ... uh, uh, uh[1], and, oh ... sometimes[2], and when you break them, wow! / and ... do you know what I mean?[1], and even ... u h, u h, u h[2], and in the morning, uh[1], and when you break them, wow! / and ... do you know what I mean?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and spin yourself silly, kook(s)![1], and in the morning, u h[2], and ... 'Yes, Mikey!'[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and spin yourself silly, kook(s)![2], and in the evening, uh[1], and ... 'Yes, Mikey!'[2], and I know that we all like a mystery ...[1], and in the evening, u h[2], and ... you?[1], and I know that we all like a mystery ...[2], and don't go looking too deep ... for things that can't be there, and will never be there[1], and ... you?[2], and beyond is golden, obviously[1], and don't go looking too deep ... for things that can't be there, and will never be there[2], and, so ... smile ... there's nothing else[1], and beyond is golden, obviously[2], and accept, please![1], and, so ... smile ... there's nothing else[2], and ... 'Here - !!!'[1], and accept, please![2], and the astral plane is missing an idiot[1], and ... 'Here - !!!'[2], and here ... ? right here ... ?! / and, oh, I couldn't tell you, Voice / and even if I could ... ha, ha, ha![1], and the astral plane is missing an idiot[2], and ... 'Uh'[1], and here ... ? right here ... ?! / and, oh, I couldn't tell you, Voice / and even if I could ... ha, ha, ha![2], and, yes, that's the spirit![1], and ... 'U h'[2], and let it mean what I want, same as all the others, not a lot, broken sound for rocks to know about[1], and, yes, that's the spirit![2], and when we're gone, like[1], and let it mean what I want, same as all the others, not a lot, broken sound for rocks to know about[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we must keep spinning, for now[1], and when we're gone, like[2], and ... is it the only thing that makes sense to us?[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we must keep spinning, for now[2], and, no, no, no ... / and a-ROUND here ... we are free from sense, surely?[1], and ... is it the only thing that makes sense to us?[2], and rather ... yes, yes, yes[1], and, no, no, no ... / and a-ROUND here ... we are free from sense, surely?[2], and I think you'll find that it doesn't actually matter[1], and rather ... yes, yes, yes[2], and at the end ... uh[1], and I think you'll find that it doesn't actually matter[2], and, yes, u  h[3], and at the end ... u h[2], and it's the beginning![3], and sometimes ... just u  h, you dig?[3], and I don't know, really[3], and BECAUSE(!), listen! ... everything is so confusing, and there's not much else to say[3], and, oh ... sometimes[3], and even ... u  h, u  h, u  h[3], and when you break them, wow! / and ... do you know what I mean?[3], and in the morning, u  h[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and spin yourself silly, kook(s)![3], and ... 'Yes, Mikey!'[3], and in the evening, u  h[3], and I know that we all like a mystery ...[3], and ... you?[3], and don't go looking too deep ... for things that can't be there, and will never be there[3], and beyond is golden, obviously[3], and, so ... smile ... there's nothing else[3], and accept, please![3], and ... 'Here - !!!'[3], and the astral plane is missing an idiot[3], and here ... ? right here ... ?! / and, oh, I couldn't tell you, Voice / and even if I could ... ha, ha, ha![3], and ... 'U  h'[3], and, yes, that's the spirit![3], and let it mean what I want, same as all the others, not a lot, broken sound for rocks to know about[3], and when we're gone, like[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we must keep spinning, for now[3], and ... is it the only thing that makes sense to us?[3], and, no, no, no ... / and a-ROUND here ... we are free from sense, surely?[3], and rather ... yes, yes, yes[3], and I think you'll find that it doesn't actually matter[3], and at the end ... u  h[3], and

TMF Group expands!

Yes, yes. It expands! 'Brilliant!' Yes! 'But, uh ... what, how ... does it expand, boss? Explain! Explain it to me, and to your readers. Come on!' Calm down, son.

Okay, okay. Voice, reader(s). Listen! Obviously, it's another PR email BECAUSE(!) ... [drum roll] ... well, why not? WHY NOT?!

Here we go ...

TMF Group, a leading provider of global business services, has completed the acquisition of State Street's private equity and real estate fund administration business in the Channel Islands.

You see? An acquisition. It's as simple and as easy as that. 'So we're not talking about, like, uh ... the universe expanding? Nothing like that?' Oh, it's nothing like that, my little invisible friend. 'Thank God!' Ha! You're so funny.

It doesn't really matter how a firm expands, does it?

The acquisition is a key milestone in TMF Group's drive to further grow its fund services business and means it now has over $125 billion in client assets under administration within fund services, making it one of the leading fund administrators in Europe. TMF Group's 'one-stop-shop' of fund services, including fund administration and depositary services, is supported by experts in over 80 jurisdictions worldwide.

Supported by experts! That's what I like to see! 'Well, that's a relief.' Of course it is! Imagine if they were supported by idiotic amateurs who had absolutely no idea what was going on. 'You mean people who are ... I don't know, totally clueless?' Yes. That sort. We don't need that sort. 'No.' WE NEED MORE EXPERTS IN THIS WORLD!!! 'Yes.' Especially with Brexit. 'Ha, ha, ha!' What? 'Experts aren't needed with Brexit, boss. All you need for Brexit is ... Christ knows! But you don't need experts.'

Let's forget about Brexit, eh?

In Jersey, the acquisition of State Street's private equity and real estate business adds fund administration to its existing corporate and trust services, whilst in Guernsey, it complements the recent acquisition of Gentoo, a leading fund administration business.

Okay, okay. Jersey? A lot of crime there. 'No there isn't!' Er, watch Bergerac, idiot!

Okay, okay. Right. I think we need to know if Mark Weil is excited or not. What do you reckon, Voice? 'Are you taking bets?' No. Just tell me. Is Mark excited? And without cheating! Don't look at the email. 'Okay. Er ... I reckon he's delighted.' Delighted. All right. And you, dear reader(s)? Do you think that he's maybe ... thrilled? 'Damn!' What? 'I should have said thrilled. Can I change?' No. You're stuck with delighted now. 'Well, tell us then!'

Okay, okay ... [drum roll] ... 'Come on, boss! The suspense is killing me!' ... Ha! ... [drum roll] ... here we are! -

Mark Weil, CEO of TMF Group, says: "We are excited to be growing our fund administration business - one of our global specialties. The combination of State Street's private equity and real estate services and TMF Group's funds platforms means that we are brilliantly-placed to serve funds clients around the world with a single, safe and consistent service model."

Well, well ... / Excited! 'Yeah, yeah.' Ha! / He said "we are". He meant "I am", I'm sure. Let the others speak for themselves, Mark!

Okay, okay. Right. We're going to finish now with a quote from Cengiz Somay. 'Great!' Unfortunately, our Cengiz isn't excited, delighted, or thrilled. 'That's fine, boss. What is he, though?' Nothing. 'Pardon?' Just nothing. 'Oh.' Yeah. Some people are like that. However, I refuse to judge him. Only God can judge him!

Cengiz Somay, Managing Director, Channel Islands at TMF Group says: "Now with over 200 experts in the Channel Islands supported by 7,800 professionals globally, TMF Group is the best positioned firm in the market to meet the end-to-end global needs within fund services. This allows our clients to focus on investing and generating returns for their investors, with the peace of mind that TMF Group is delivering first-class fiduciary, administration, compliance and reporting services."

Thank you, Cengiz! No one's judging you. [Well, God might be, if He exists. But let's not get into that. It's too early in the morning, you dig?]

ENDS

...

Anything else? Jesus! Don't tell me you want more, dear reader(s)?! 'Unbelievable!' There is ... no more.

[I'll be writing a conceptual later, of course, for people who like that sort of thing. No. 738.]

Laters!