Thursday 29 August 2013

[No. 147] Jammie Dodgers for sale! Burton's Biscuit Company for sale!

Who wants a Wagon Wheel?

And who wants a Jammie Dodger?[1], and we can sit on a WAGON WHEEL of FIRE(!) and roll on down the road - on, and on, and on![1], and who wants a Jammie Dodger?[2], and ... oh, you're so jammy ... but I like you[1], and we can sit on a WAGON WHEEL of FIRE(!) and roll on down the road - on, and on, and on![2], and you're the jammiest dodger I've ever known / and I've known a few[1], and ... oh, you're so jammy ... but I like you[2], and where is the Cookie Monster NOW, eh?[1], and you're the jammiest dodger I've ever known / and I've known a few[2], and we can make a MEAL(?!) of it a-ROUND here if we want to, and I know I want to ... so badly[1], and where is the Cookie Monster NOW, eh?[2], and how many Jammie Dodgers can you buy with £350 million? / Over a billion, two billion?[1], and we can make a MEAL(?!) of it a-ROUND here if we want to, and I know I want to ... so badly[2], and STUFF THEM IN YOUR MOUTH!!![1], and how many Jammie Dodgers can you buy with £350 million? / Over a billion, two billion?[2], and ... "COOKIES!!!"[1], and STUFF THEM IN YOUR MOUTH!!![2], and a-ROUND your weird eyes as big as WAGON WHEELS / and JAM in your hair[1], and ... "COOKIES!!!"[2], and ... 'Faster!'[1], and a-ROUND your weird eyes as big as WAGON WHEELS / and JAM in your hair[2], and a-ROUND your mouth the chocolate the jam ... more, more, more![1], and ... 'Faster!'[2], and ... 'Beyond the THREE!!!'[1], and a-ROUND your mouth the chocolate the jam ... more, more, more![2], and a-ROUND all crushed into your skin / have you ever had this much FUN(?)?[1], and ... 'Beyond the THREE!!!'[2], and I need to catch my breath, reader(s), spinner(s)[1], and a-ROUND all crushed into your skin / have you ever had this much FUN(?)?[2], and I'm praying the wheels don't come off this wagon of ours and we all end up in a fucking ditch, man!!![1], and I need to catch my breath, reader(s), spinner(s)[2], and I'd get a-ROUND a billion times ... for a BILLION Jammie Dodgers! / one, two, THREE[1], and I'm praying the wheels don't come off this wagon of ours and we all end up in a fucking ditch, man!!![2], and ... 'Give that man a biscuit!'[1], and I'd get a-ROUND a billion times ... for a BILLION Jammie Dodgers! / one, two, THREE[2], and who wants a Jammie Dodger?[3], and ... 'Give that man a biscuit!'[2], and we can sit on a WAGON WHEEL of FIRE(!) and roll on down the road - on, and on, and on![3], and ... oh, you're so jammy ... but I like you[3], and you're the jammiest dodger I've ever known / and I've known a few[3], and where is the Cookie Monster NOW, eh?[3], and we can make a MEAL(?!) of it a-ROUND here if we want to, and I know I want to ... so badly[3], and how many Jammie Dodgers can you buy with £350 million? / Over a billion, two billion?[3], and STUFF THEM IN YOUR MOUTH!!![3], and ... "COOKIES!!!"[3], and a-ROUND your weird eyes as big as WAGON WHEELS / and JAM in your hair[3], and ... 'Faster!'[3], and a-ROUND your mouth the chocolate the jam ... more, more, more![3], and ... 'Beyond the THREE!!!'[3], and a-ROUND all crushed into your skin / have you ever had this much FUN(?)?[3], and I need to catch my breath, reader(s), spinner(s)[3], and I'm praying the wheels don't come off this wagon of ours and we all end up in a fucking ditch, man!!![3], and I'd get a-ROUND a billion times ... for a BILLION Jammie Dodgers! / one, two, THREE[3], and ... 'Give that man a biscuit!'[3], and

And who wants a Jammie Dodger?[1], and we can sit on a WAGON WHEEL of FIRE(!) and roll on down the road - on, and on, and on![1], and who wants a Jammie Dodger?[2], and ... oh, you're so jammy ... but I like you[1], and we can sit on a WAGON WHEEL of FIRE(!) and roll on down the road - on, and on, and on![2], and you're the jammiest dodger I've ever known / and I've known a few[1], and ... oh, you're so jammy ... but I like you[2], and where is the Cookie Monster NOW, eh?[1], and you're the jammiest dodger I've ever known / and I've known a few[2], and we can make a MEAL(?!) of it a-ROUND here if we want to, and I know I want to ... so badly[1], and where is the Cookie Monster NOW, eh?[2], and how many Jammie Dodgers can you buy with £350 million? / Over a billion, two billion?[1], and we can make a MEAL(?!) of it a-ROUND here if we want to, and I know I want to ... so badly[2], and STUFF THEM IN YOUR MOUTH!!![1], and how many Jammie Dodgers can you buy with £350 million? / Over a billion, two billion?[2], and ... "COOKIES!!!"[1], and STUFF THEM IN YOUR MOUTH!!![2], and a-ROUND your weird eyes as big as WAGON WHEELS / and JAM in your hair[1], and ... "COOKIES!!!"[2], and ... 'Faster!'[1], and a-ROUND your weird eyes as big as WAGON WHEELS / and JAM in your hair[2], and a-ROUND your mouth the chocolate the jam ... more, more, more![1], and ... 'Faster!'[2], and ... 'Beyond the THREE!!!'[1], and a-ROUND your mouth the chocolate the jam ... more, more, more![2], and a-ROUND all crushed into your skin / have you ever had this much FUN(?)?[1], and ... 'Beyond the THREE!!!'[2], and I need to catch my breath, reader(s), spinner(s)[1], and a-ROUND all crushed into your skin / have you ever had this much FUN(?)?[2], and I'm praying the wheels don't come off this wagon of ours and we all end up in a fucking ditch, man!!![1], and I need to catch my breath, reader(s), spinner(s)[2], and I'd get a-ROUND a billion times ... for a BILLION Jammie Dodgers! / one, two, THREE[1], and I'm praying the wheels don't come off this wagon of ours and we all end up in a fucking ditch, man!!![2], and ... 'Give that man a biscuit!'[1], and I'd get a-ROUND a billion times ... for a BILLION Jammie Dodgers! / one, two, THREE[2], and who wants a Jammie Dodger?[3], and ... 'Give that man a biscuit!'[2], and we can sit on a WAGON WHEEL of FIRE(!) and roll on down the road - on, and on, and on![3], and ... oh, you're so jammy ... but I like you[3], and you're the jammiest dodger I've ever known / and I've known a few[3], and where is the Cookie Monster NOW, eh?[3], and we can make a MEAL(?!) of it a-ROUND here if we want to, and I know I want to ... so badly[3], and how many Jammie Dodgers can you buy with £350 million? / Over a billion, two billion?[3], and STUFF THEM IN YOUR MOUTH!!![3], and ... "COOKIES!!!"[3], and a-ROUND your weird eyes as big as WAGON WHEELS / and JAM in your hair[3], and ... 'Faster!'[3], and a-ROUND your mouth the chocolate the jam ... more, more, more![3], and ... 'Beyond the THREE!!!'[3], and a-ROUND all crushed into your skin / have you ever had this much FUN(?)?[3], and I need to catch my breath, reader(s), spinner(s)[3], and I'm praying the wheels don't come off this wagon of ours and we all end up in a fucking ditch, man!!![3], and I'd get a-ROUND a billion times ... for a BILLION Jammie Dodgers! / one, two, THREE[3], and ... 'Give that man a biscuit!'[3], and

And who wants a Jammie Dodger?[1], and we can sit on a WAGON WHEEL of FIRE(!) and roll on down the road - on, and on, and on![1], and who wants a Jammie Dodger?[2], and ... oh, you're so jammy ... but I like you[1], and we can sit on a WAGON WHEEL of FIRE(!) and roll on down the road - on, and on, and on![2], and you're the jammiest dodger I've ever known / and I've known a few[1], and ... oh, you're so jammy ... but I like you[2], and where is the Cookie Monster NOW, eh?[1], and you're the jammiest dodger I've ever known / and I've known a few[2], and we can make a MEAL(?!) of it a-ROUND here if we want to, and I know I want to ... so badly[1], and where is the Cookie Monster NOW, eh?[2], and how many Jammie Dodgers can you buy with £350 million? / Over a billion, two billion?[1], and we can make a MEAL(?!) of it a-ROUND here if we want to, and I know I want to ... so badly[2], and STUFF THEM IN YOUR MOUTH!!![1], and how many Jammie Dodgers can you buy with £350 million? / Over a billion, two billion?[2], and ... "COOKIES!!!"[1], and STUFF THEM IN YOUR MOUTH!!![2], and a-ROUND your weird eyes as big as WAGON WHEELS / and JAM in your hair[1], and ... "COOKIES!!!"[2], and ... 'Faster!'[1], and a-ROUND your weird eyes as big as WAGON WHEELS / and JAM in your hair[2], and a-ROUND your mouth the chocolate the jam ... more, more, more![1], and ... 'Faster!'[2], and ... 'Beyond the THREE!!!'[1], and a-ROUND your mouth the chocolate the jam ... more, more, more![2], and a-ROUND all crushed into your skin / have you ever had this much FUN(?)?[1], and ... 'Beyond the THREE!!!'[2], and I need to catch my breath, reader(s), spinner(s)[1], and a-ROUND all crushed into your skin / have you ever had this much FUN(?)?[2], and I'm praying the wheels don't come off this wagon of ours and we all end up in a fucking ditch, man!!![1], and I need to catch my breath, reader(s), spinner(s)[2], and I'd get a-ROUND a billion times ... for a BILLION Jammie Dodgers! / one, two, THREE[1], and I'm praying the wheels don't come off this wagon of ours and we all end up in a fucking ditch, man!!![2], and ... 'Give that man a biscuit!'[1], and I'd get a-ROUND a billion times ... for a BILLION Jammie Dodgers! / one, two, THREE[2], and who wants a Jammie Dodger?[3], and ... 'Give that man a biscuit!'[2], and we can sit on a WAGON WHEEL of FIRE(!) and roll on down the road - on, and on, and on![3], and ... oh, you're so jammy ... but I like you[3], and you're the jammiest dodger I've ever known / and I've known a few[3], and where is the Cookie Monster NOW, eh?[3], and we can make a MEAL(?!) of it a-ROUND here if we want to, and I know I want to ... so badly[3], and how many Jammie Dodgers can you buy with £350 million? / Over a billion, two billion?[3], and STUFF THEM IN YOUR MOUTH!!![3], and ... "COOKIES!!!"[3], and a-ROUND your weird eyes as big as WAGON WHEELS / and JAM in your hair[3], and ... 'Faster!'[3], and a-ROUND your mouth the chocolate the jam ... more, more, more![3], and ... 'Beyond the THREE!!!'[3], and a-ROUND all crushed into your skin / have you ever had this much FUN(?)?[3], and I need to catch my breath, reader(s), spinner(s)[3], and I'm praying the wheels don't come off this wagon of ours and we all end up in a fucking ditch, man!!![3], and I'd get a-ROUND a billion times ... for a BILLION Jammie Dodgers! / one, two, THREE[3], and ... 'Give that man a biscuit!'[3], and

Gaius Jones Caesar has joined Ashcourt Rowan as chief executive of its financial planning business

Well, he likes to call himself "Caesar". Delusions of grandeur and all that. It's a shame really because I've heard that Gaius is a very talented chap. 'Not talented enough to update his LinkedIn profile, Mikey.' Give him a chance, Voice. / Ashcourt Rowan is a "somewhere". Remember Jonathan Polin? 'He was nowhere.' Yeah. / Anyway, Mr Polin reckons Gaius will cross the Rubicon. 'What?!' No, I've got that wrong. 'Boss, Jonathan says he has no doubt whatsoever that Gaius will be instrumental in helping their business grow across the UK.' No mention of Pompey? 'No.' Strange. Well, okay. I suppose Mr Polin knows what he's talking about.

Gaius will have to update his LinkedIn nonsense soon. It says he's currently a senior client partner at Towry. Look at this -

Senior adviser working with families, trustees and owner managed firms to design, construct, monitor and maintain tools to manage their financial affairs. Very good at building bridges. Routinely working with outside tax and legal professionals to coordinate and prioritise issues. Handy with the sword. Wide experience in investment, pension and trust work and an interest in effective philanthropy planning. I always try to forgive my enemies: it shows superiority. Considerable experience in designing financial planning policy, training and coaching, and writing guidance documents for adviser use. I've written my memoirs too - commentaries, actually. Board member at Towry since 2009.

Interesting, eh?

_________________________


Summer's almost gone. Almost. It's sunny though. And I'm stuck indoors. / I'm not even sure I'll be able to go to the pub tomorrow. I want to keep an eye on that gardener. He's knocked down the fence. I presume he's putting a new one up.

I might have another go at that lyric tomorrow night. / There are very few decent lyricists around. So many lyrics are just mood words - if you know what I mean.

Wednesday 28 August 2013

[No. 146] In the year 2525

But through eternal night ...

And in the year 2525, if I'm still a-ROUND, what number will I be on? You should know ...[1], and I'm taking it as far as I can ... before BOREDOM sets in[1], and in the year 2525, if I'm still a-ROUND, what number will I be on? You should know ...[2], and in the year 3535, if you're still a-ROUND, how dizzy are you going to be?[1], and I'm taking it as far as I can ... before BOREDOM sets in[2], and I'm kinda wonderin' if Man is gonna be alive / and I guess I'm just a very negative man, man[1], and in the year 3535, if you're still a-ROUND, how dizzy are you going to be?[2], and I won't get bored, at least not before 9595[1], and I'm kinda wonderin' if Man is gonna be alive / and I guess I'm just a very negative man, man[2], and ... you ain't gonna need your TEETH, for some absurd reason ... because there'll be NOTHING to chew? STRANGE!!![1], and I won't get bored, at least not before 9595[2], and what pill will you take tomorrow?[1], and ... you ain't gonna need your TEETH, for some absurd reason ... because there'll be NOTHING to chew? STRANGE!!![2], and I reckon we'll be so FAR GONE that it won't matter what the year is ... next year?[1], and what pill will you take tomorrow?[2], and getting FAR GONE is the whole idea - or what are we doing with our lives?[1], and I reckon we'll be so FAR GONE that it won't matter what the year is ... next year?[2], and YEAH(!) we won't need our teeth, our eyes, our noses, our ears ... our brains, not where we're going[1], and getting FAR GONE is the whole idea - or what are we doing with our lives?[2], and I'm waiting for the twinkling of starlight, man / and I know you can dig that[1], and YEAH(!) we won't need our teeth, our eyes, our noses, our ears ... our brains, not where we're going[2], and sometimes I'm too tired to get a-ROUND ... oh, how old am I, eh? I feel a million[1], and I'm waiting for the twinkling of starlight, man / and I know you can dig that[2], and  ... ha![1], and sometimes I'm too tired to get a-ROUND ... oh, how old am I, eh? I feel a million[2], and in the year 2525, if I'm still a-ROUND, what number will I be on? You should know ...[3], and  ... ha![2], and I'm taking it as far as I can ... before BOREDOM sets in[3], and in the year 3535, if you're still a-ROUND, how dizzy are you going to be?[3], and I'm kinda wonderin' if Man is gonna be alive / and I guess I'm just a very negative man, man[3], and I won't get bored, at least not before 9595[3], and ... you ain't gonna need your TEETH, for some absurd reason ... because there'll be NOTHING to chew? STRANGE!!![3], and what pill will you take tomorrow?[3], and I reckon we'll be so FAR GONE that it won't matter what the year is ... next year?[3], and getting FAR GONE is the whole idea - or what are we doing with our lives?[3], and YEAH(!) we won't need our teeth, our eyes, our noses, our ears ... our brains, not where we're going[3], and I'm waiting for the twinkling of starlight, man / and I know you can dig that[3], and sometimes I'm too tired to get a-ROUND ... oh, how old am I, eh? I feel a million[3], and  ... ha![3], and

And in the year 2525, if I'm still a-ROUND, what number will I be on? You should know ...[1], and I'm taking it as far as I can ... before BOREDOM sets in[1], and in the year 2525, if I'm still a-ROUND, what number will I be on? You should know ...[2], and in the year 3535, if you're still a-ROUND, how dizzy are you going to be?[1], and I'm taking it as far as I can ... before BOREDOM sets in[2], and I'm kinda wonderin' if Man is gonna be alive / and I guess I'm just a very negative man, man[1], and in the year 3535, if you're still a-ROUND, how dizzy are you going to be?[2], and I won't get bored, at least not before 9595[1], and I'm kinda wonderin' if Man is gonna be alive / and I guess I'm just a very negative man, man[2], and ... you ain't gonna need your TEETH, for some absurd reason ... because there'll be NOTHING to chew? STRANGE!!![1], and I won't get bored, at least not before 9595[2], and what pill will you take tomorrow?[1], and ... you ain't gonna need your TEETH, for some absurd reason ... because there'll be NOTHING to chew? STRANGE!!![2], and I reckon we'll be so FAR GONE that it won't matter what the year is ... next year?[1], and what pill will you take tomorrow?[2], and getting FAR GONE is the whole idea - or what are we doing with our lives?[1], and I reckon we'll be so FAR GONE that it won't matter what the year is ... next year?[2], and YEAH(!) we won't need our teeth, our eyes, our noses, our ears ... our brains, not where we're going[1], and getting FAR GONE is the whole idea - or what are we doing with our lives?[2], and I'm waiting for the twinkling of starlight, man / and I know you can dig that[1], and YEAH(!) we won't need our teeth, our eyes, our noses, our ears ... our brains, not where we're going[2], and sometimes I'm too tired to get a-ROUND ... oh, how old am I, eh? I feel a million[1], and I'm waiting for the twinkling of starlight, man / and I know you can dig that[2], and  ... ha![1], and sometimes I'm too tired to get a-ROUND ... oh, how old am I, eh? I feel a million[2], and in the year 2525, if I'm still a-ROUND, what number will I be on? You should know ...[3], and  ... ha![2], and I'm taking it as far as I can ... before BOREDOM sets in[3], and in the year 3535, if you're still a-ROUND, how dizzy are you going to be?[3], and I'm kinda wonderin' if Man is gonna be alive / and I guess I'm just a very negative man, man[3], and I won't get bored, at least not before 9595[3], and ... you ain't gonna need your TEETH, for some absurd reason ... because there'll be NOTHING to chew? STRANGE!!![3], and what pill will you take tomorrow?[3], and I reckon we'll be so FAR GONE that it won't matter what the year is ... next year?[3], and getting FAR GONE is the whole idea - or what are we doing with our lives?[3], and YEAH(!) we won't need our teeth, our eyes, our noses, our ears ... our brains, not where we're going[3], and I'm waiting for the twinkling of starlight, man / and I know you can dig that[3], and sometimes I'm too tired to get a-ROUND ... oh, how old am I, eh? I feel a million[3], and  ... ha![3], and

And in the year 2525, if I'm still a-ROUND, what number will I be on? You should know ...[1], and I'm taking it as far as I can ... before BOREDOM sets in[1], and in the year 2525, if I'm still a-ROUND, what number will I be on? You should know ...[2], and in the year 3535, if you're still a-ROUND, how dizzy are you going to be?[1], and I'm taking it as far as I can ... before BOREDOM sets in[2], and I'm kinda wonderin' if Man is gonna be alive / and I guess I'm just a very negative man, man[1], and in the year 3535, if you're still a-ROUND, how dizzy are you going to be?[2], and I won't get bored, at least not before 9595[1], and I'm kinda wonderin' if Man is gonna be alive / and I guess I'm just a very negative man, man[2], and ... you ain't gonna need your TEETH, for some absurd reason ... because there'll be NOTHING to chew? STRANGE!!![1], and I won't get bored, at least not before 9595[2], and what pill will you take tomorrow?[1], and ... you ain't gonna need your TEETH, for some absurd reason ... because there'll be NOTHING to chew? STRANGE!!![2], and I reckon we'll be so FAR GONE that it won't matter what the year is ... next year?[1], and what pill will you take tomorrow?[2], and getting FAR GONE is the whole idea - or what are we doing with our lives?[1], and I reckon we'll be so FAR GONE that it won't matter what the year is ... next year?[2], and YEAH(!) we won't need our teeth, our eyes, our noses, our ears ... our brains, not where we're going[1], and getting FAR GONE is the whole idea - or what are we doing with our lives?[2], and I'm waiting for the twinkling of starlight, man / and I know you can dig that[1], and YEAH(!) we won't need our teeth, our eyes, our noses, our ears ... our brains, not where we're going[2], and sometimes I'm too tired to get a-ROUND ... oh, how old am I, eh? I feel a million[1], and I'm waiting for the twinkling of starlight, man / and I know you can dig that[2], and  ... ha![1], and sometimes I'm too tired to get a-ROUND ... oh, how old am I, eh? I feel a million[2], and in the year 2525, if I'm still a-ROUND, what number will I be on? You should know ...[3], and  ... ha![2], and I'm taking it as far as I can ... before BOREDOM sets in[3], and in the year 3535, if you're still a-ROUND, how dizzy are you going to be?[3], and I'm kinda wonderin' if Man is gonna be alive / and I guess I'm just a very negative man, man[3], and I won't get bored, at least not before 9595[3], and ... you ain't gonna need your TEETH, for some absurd reason ... because there'll be NOTHING to chew? STRANGE!!![3], and what pill will you take tomorrow?[3], and I reckon we'll be so FAR GONE that it won't matter what the year is ... next year?[3], and getting FAR GONE is the whole idea - or what are we doing with our lives?[3], and YEAH(!) we won't need our teeth, our eyes, our noses, our ears ... our brains, not where we're going[3], and I'm waiting for the twinkling of starlight, man / and I know you can dig that[3], and sometimes I'm too tired to get a-ROUND ... oh, how old am I, eh? I feel a million[3], and  ... ha![3], and

JPMorgan sold some securities by mistake and so now has to pay a $6 billion fine

How can that be fair? It was only a mistake. We all make mistakes. / JPMorgan mis-sold securities to government-backed mortgage companies in America. The Federal Housing Finance Agency wants $6 billion for its trouble. 'What trouble, Mikey?' It's hard work being a regulator, son. 'I wouldn't mind, man.'

JPMorgan is refusing to pay the fine. 'Good on them!' But they'll probably settle. 'Oh.' Maybe the bank will be willing to hand over $3 billion. 'That's still a lot of money.' If I were the boss of JPMorgan, I would tell the FHFA to whistle for it. 'And if they whistled?' I'd give it to them. I mean, fair's fair. 'We've got to be fair, Mikey.' Of course we have, Voice. We're civilized people. Well, I am ... a person, I mean.

_________________________


Summer ain't going away yet. / Last September was nice. I spent a few days in Looe.

Another conceptual after lunch, No. 146. / Conceptuals? I love 'em! They scare off the creeps and philistines. Take me to No. 1,000,076!!! 'In the year 2525, Mikey?' Probably.

I've been thinking: this blog is a lot like the Fandango film. Only a few cool people are allowed to know about it. Anyone can read the big sites, but they don't touch anyone's soul, man. You dig?

I've got a luxury egg sandwich for lunch. One day, it'll be luxury egg sandwiches all the way.

Tuesday 27 August 2013

Rhys Summerton fancies himself as a hedge fund manager with this new Milkwood Capital thing of his

I've never heard of Rhys Summerton, but he used to be a big noise at Citigroup, emerging-markets stock-research chief or something. 'The cocklers are sleeping as quiet as death, side by wrinkled side, toothless, salt, and brown, like two old kippers in a box, Mikey.' What, Voice?! 'Never mind.' / Anyway, Milkwood Capital will launch next month. It has $50 million in assets, $20 million of Rhys' own money. I have no idea why I'm giving you the figures in American dollars when this fund is based in England, but - 'The boys are dreaming wicked or of the bucking ranches of the night and the jolly, rodgered sea.' What the fuck are you going on about, man?! 'Nothing.' Christ! / Reader(s), you'll be glad to hear that Milkwood Capital will employ a global long/short equity strategy. 'Each cobble, donkey, goose and gooseberry street is a thoroughfare of dusk.' Right, I've had enough of this! Voice, if you're not going to take it seriously ...

He's gone. God knows what's wrong with him today. / Well, that's enough news, ain't it, dear reader(s)? It's still summer, man. A bit cloudy though. / Next door have got some gardener in to dig up their weeds. He's hardly doing any work, he's talking to himself, he's taking a peculiar interest in my garden, and he looks like Fred West. I'm pissed off, to put it mildly.

I want to get away from here. I really do. I feel like Tom Hanks in The 'Burbs. / In Malibu, I'm sure there'll be a police chief to keep out all the bad elements. "Stay out of West London, deadbeat! Keep your ugly fucking goldbricking ass out of my garden community!" / What do I pay my taxes for?

Monday 26 August 2013

Summer's almost gone ...

As Jim Morrison once sang. I'm not bothered. It's been great, but I'm looking forward to the cooler weather. I'll be able to get some work done. I'll be able to shut my windows and record my songs. / Oh, I tried finishing You're Lying last night, but it was a disaster. The words wouldn't come - at least not to the same high standard of the one verse I wrote last week. So, more pain, more suffering. It's gonna be worth it. I've got to believe that, man.

I've been thinking about all the classic standards - you know, Songs for Swingin' Crooners. Mack the Knife is definitely the best (Bobby Darin). I think it's the greatest song ever written. (It feels strange agreeing with Simon Cowell.) / There are some with great titles: By The Time I Get To Phoenix, I Left My Heart In San Francisco. The second best? It's got to be My Funny Valentine (the Sinatra version). Summertime (Sam Cooke)? Great! / We're talking real songs here, man. Can't people write real songs any more?

My all-time top twenty list -

1) Mack the Knife
2) My Funny Valentine
3) Night and Day
4) Summertime
5) Yesterday
6) Something
7) By The Time I Get To Phoenix
8) This Guy's In Love With You
9) One For My Baby
10) It Had To Be You
11) The Girl From Ipanema
12) All the Way
13) I've Got You Under My Skin
14) I Get A Kick Out Of You
15) Someone To Watch Over Me
16) I Left My Heart In San Francisco
17) Tomorrow
18) Smile
19) As Time Goes By
20) These Foolish Things

Thursday 22 August 2013

[No. 145] Doesn't Edward Bramson have a hard-on for F&C Asset Management any more?

He ain't the chairman no more, man.

And I'm only glad BIG HERB isn't alive, this would kill him[1], and ... 'But you cut Big Herb's throat in the astral night!' - Oh, shut up[1], and I'm only glad BIG HERB isn't alive, this would kill him[2], and Kieran Poynter is the chairman now, and what the hell is going on?![1], and ... 'But you cut Big Herb's throat in the astral night!' - Oh, shut up[2], and ... 'Mikey, Eddie has turned the firm a-ROUND!'[1], and Kieran Poynter is the chairman now, and what the hell is going on?![2], and I can't believe Mr Bramson has turned F&C a-ROUND here, I would have noticed, Voice[1], and ... 'Mikey, Eddie has turned the firm a-ROUND!'[2], and ... 'Boss, it's true, man, a miracle!'[1], and I can't believe Mr Bramson has turned F&C a-ROUND here, I would have noticed, Voice[2], and / well, if it's true, we should celebrate[1], and ... 'Boss, it's true, man, a miracle!'[2], and so / let's get F&C to ONE, and let's get F&C to TWO, and let's get F&C to THREE[1], and / well, if it's true, we should celebrate[2], and ... 'Let's get F&C beyond the THREE!'[1], and so / let's get F&C to ONE, and let's get F&C to TWO, and let's get F&C to THREE[2], and let's not get carried a-WAY, eh?[1], and ... 'Let's get F&C beyond the THREE!'[2], and Big Herb died on that space hopper, anyway, the first time: I can't be blamed, you can't kill a ghost[1], and let's not get carried a-WAY, eh?[2], and ... 'He was a god, man'[1], and Big Herb died on that space hopper, anyway, the first time: I can't be blamed, you can't kill a ghost[2], and Eddie doesn't blame me, I'm sure: Eddie is as ruthless as I am[1], and ... 'He was a god, man'[2], and ... 'No, Eddie was too scared to go against you, boss'[1], and Eddie doesn't blame me, I'm sure: Eddie is as ruthless as I am[2], and why was BIG HERB so loved?[1], and ... 'No, Eddie was too scared to go against you, boss'[2], and why am I so feared?[1], and why was BIG HERB so loved?[2], and I want to forget ... a-ROUND, a-ROUND, a-ROUND, out of my head[1], and why am I so feared?[2], and ... 'O sinner, you'll never be able to forget'[1], and I want to forget ... a-ROUND, a-ROUND, a-ROUND, out of my head[2], and I'm only glad BIG HERB isn't alive, this would kill him[3], and ... 'O sinner, you'll never be able to forget'[2], and ... 'But you cut Big Herb's throat in the astral night!' - Oh, shut up[3], and Kieran Poynter is the chairman now, and what the hell is going on?![3], and ... 'Mikey, Eddie has turned the firm a-ROUND!'[3], and I can't believe Mr Bramson has turned F&C a-ROUND here, I would have noticed, Voice[3], and ... 'Boss, it's true, man, a miracle!'[3], and / well, if it's true, we should celebrate[3], and so / let's get F&C to ONE, and let's get F&C to TWO, and let's get F&C to THREE[3], and ... 'Let's get F&C beyond the THREE!'[3], and let's not get carried a-WAY, eh?[3], and Big Herb died on that space hopper, anyway, the first time: I can't be blamed, you can't kill a ghost[3], and ... 'He was a god, man'[3], and Eddie doesn't blame me, I'm sure: Eddie is as ruthless as I am[3], and ... 'No, Eddie was too scared to go against you, boss'[3], and why was BIG HERB so loved?[3], and why am I so feared?[3], and I want to forget ... a-ROUND, a-ROUND, a-ROUND, out of my head[3], and ... 'O sinner, you'll never be able to forget'[3], and

And I'm only glad BIG HERB isn't alive, this would kill him[1], and ... 'But you cut Big Herb's throat in the astral night!' - Oh, shut up[1], and I'm only glad BIG HERB isn't alive, this would kill him[2], and Kieran Poynter is the chairman now, and what the hell is going on?![1], and ... 'But you cut Big Herb's throat in the astral night!' - Oh, shut up[2], and ... 'Mikey, Eddie has turned the firm a-ROUND!'[1], and Kieran Poynter is the chairman now, and what the hell is going on?![2], and I can't believe Mr Bramson has turned F&C a-ROUND here, I would have noticed, Voice[1], and ... 'Mikey, Eddie has turned the firm a-ROUND!'[2], and ... 'Boss, it's true, man, a miracle!'[1], and I can't believe Mr Bramson has turned F&C a-ROUND here, I would have noticed, Voice[2], and / well, if it's true, we should celebrate[1], and ... 'Boss, it's true, man, a miracle!'[2], and so / let's get F&C to ONE, and let's get F&C to TWO, and let's get F&C to THREE[1], and / well, if it's true, we should celebrate[2], and ... 'Let's get F&C beyond the THREE!'[1], and so / let's get F&C to ONE, and let's get F&C to TWO, and let's get F&C to THREE[2], and let's not get carried a-WAY, eh?[1], and ... 'Let's get F&C beyond the THREE!'[2], and Big Herb died on that space hopper, anyway, the first time: I can't be blamed, you can't kill a ghost[1], and let's not get carried a-WAY, eh?[2], and ... 'He was a god, man'[1], and Big Herb died on that space hopper, anyway, the first time: I can't be blamed, you can't kill a ghost[2], and Eddie doesn't blame me, I'm sure: Eddie is as ruthless as I am[1], and ... 'He was a god, man'[2], and ... 'No, Eddie was too scared to go against you, boss'[1], and Eddie doesn't blame me, I'm sure: Eddie is as ruthless as I am[2], and why was BIG HERB so loved?[1], and ... 'No, Eddie was too scared to go against you, boss'[2], and why am I so feared?[1], and why was BIG HERB so loved?[2], and I want to forget ... a-ROUND, a-ROUND, a-ROUND, out of my head[1], and why am I so feared?[2], and ... 'O sinner, you'll never be able to forget'[1], and I want to forget ... a-ROUND, a-ROUND, a-ROUND, out of my head[2], and I'm only glad BIG HERB isn't alive, this would kill him[3], and ... 'O sinner, you'll never be able to forget'[2], and ... 'But you cut Big Herb's throat in the astral night!' - Oh, shut up[3], and Kieran Poynter is the chairman now, and what the hell is going on?![3], and ... 'Mikey, Eddie has turned the firm a-ROUND!'[3], and I can't believe Mr Bramson has turned F&C a-ROUND here, I would have noticed, Voice[3], and ... 'Boss, it's true, man, a miracle!'[3], and / well, if it's true, we should celebrate[3], and so / let's get F&C to ONE, and let's get F&C to TWO, and let's get F&C to THREE[3], and ... 'Let's get F&C beyond the THREE!'[3], and let's not get carried a-WAY, eh?[3], and Big Herb died on that space hopper, anyway, the first time: I can't be blamed, you can't kill a ghost[3], and ... 'He was a god, man'[3], and Eddie doesn't blame me, I'm sure: Eddie is as ruthless as I am[3], and ... 'No, Eddie was too scared to go against you, boss'[3], and why was BIG HERB so loved?[3], and why am I so feared?[3], and I want to forget ... a-ROUND, a-ROUND, a-ROUND, out of my head[3], and ... 'O sinner, you'll never be able to forget'[3], and

And I'm only glad BIG HERB isn't alive, this would kill him[1], and ... 'But you cut Big Herb's throat in the astral night!' - Oh, shut up[1], and I'm only glad BIG HERB isn't alive, this would kill him[2], and Kieran Poynter is the chairman now, and what the hell is going on?![1], and ... 'But you cut Big Herb's throat in the astral night!' - Oh, shut up[2], and ... 'Mikey, Eddie has turned the firm a-ROUND!'[1], and Kieran Poynter is the chairman now, and what the hell is going on?![2], and I can't believe Mr Bramson has turned F&C a-ROUND here, I would have noticed, Voice[1], and ... 'Mikey, Eddie has turned the firm a-ROUND!'[2], and ... 'Boss, it's true, man, a miracle!'[1], and I can't believe Mr Bramson has turned F&C a-ROUND here, I would have noticed, Voice[2], and / well, if it's true, we should celebrate[1], and ... 'Boss, it's true, man, a miracle!'[2], and so / let's get F&C to ONE, and let's get F&C to TWO, and let's get F&C to THREE[1], and / well, if it's true, we should celebrate[2], and ... 'Let's get F&C beyond the THREE!'[1], and so / let's get F&C to ONE, and let's get F&C to TWO, and let's get F&C to THREE[2], and let's not get carried a-WAY, eh?[1], and ... 'Let's get F&C beyond the THREE!'[2], and Big Herb died on that space hopper, anyway, the first time: I can't be blamed, you can't kill a ghost[1], and let's not get carried a-WAY, eh?[2], and ... 'He was a god, man'[1], and Big Herb died on that space hopper, anyway, the first time: I can't be blamed, you can't kill a ghost[2], and Eddie doesn't blame me, I'm sure: Eddie is as ruthless as I am[1], and ... 'He was a god, man'[2], and ... 'No, Eddie was too scared to go against you, boss'[1], and Eddie doesn't blame me, I'm sure: Eddie is as ruthless as I am[2], and why was BIG HERB so loved?[1], and ... 'No, Eddie was too scared to go against you, boss'[2], and why am I so feared?[1], and why was BIG HERB so loved?[2], and I want to forget ... a-ROUND, a-ROUND, a-ROUND, out of my head[1], and why am I so feared?[2], and ... 'O sinner, you'll never be able to forget'[1], and I want to forget ... a-ROUND, a-ROUND, a-ROUND, out of my head[2], and I'm only glad BIG HERB isn't alive, this would kill him[3], and ... 'O sinner, you'll never be able to forget'[2], and ... 'But you cut Big Herb's throat in the astral night!' - Oh, shut up[3], and Kieran Poynter is the chairman now, and what the hell is going on?![3], and ... 'Mikey, Eddie has turned the firm a-ROUND!'[3], and I can't believe Mr Bramson has turned F&C a-ROUND here, I would have noticed, Voice[3], and ... 'Boss, it's true, man, a miracle!'[3], and / well, if it's true, we should celebrate[3], and so / let's get F&C to ONE, and let's get F&C to TWO, and let's get F&C to THREE[3], and ... 'Let's get F&C beyond the THREE!'[3], and let's not get carried a-WAY, eh?[3], and Big Herb died on that space hopper, anyway, the first time: I can't be blamed, you can't kill a ghost[3], and ... 'He was a god, man'[3], and Eddie doesn't blame me, I'm sure: Eddie is as ruthless as I am[3], and ... 'No, Eddie was too scared to go against you, boss'[3], and why was BIG HERB so loved?[3], and why am I so feared?[3], and I want to forget ... a-ROUND, a-ROUND, a-ROUND, out of my head[3], and ... 'O sinner, you'll never be able to forget'[3], and

Bruno Wu is hoping he'll be able to start some new $500 million private equity fund as a part of his BT Capital, I think ...

I don't know what's going on. I have no idea who Mr Wu is. It's still summer, man. I'll take more of an interest in September, probably. / 'Mikey, Bruno is no stranger to media investments.' What? 'He likes to invest in media.' So? 'Well ...' Voice, if you haven't got anything sensible to say, keep it shut, all right? 'Keep what shut?' Your mouth. 'I don't have a mouth. I'm just a voice, man.' Whatever. / Now, this Mr Wu is no stranger to media investments. And he's married to Oprah Winfrey. 'No he isn't!' Yes he is. I've done my research. 'What research?' Do you think I just throw this blog together? 'Yes. Bloody hell! If it wasn't for me -' Do one!

I've lost my train of thought now! / Interns are more trouble than they're worth.

I'm still spinning a-ROUND in Malibu (from last night). I'm not complaining though. It beats reporting the news.

Personal news. / That cubital tunnel syndrome in my hand/elbow is getting better. I mean, I can play the guitar again. I don't know if it's the Bruce Lee mystic yoga shit or the vitamin B6, I'm just glad to be back in business. / I'll have to have my demo ready by the end of September. I can't let it drag on any longer. I've had setbacks, disruptions, loss of inspiration, changing ideas, changing goals. It's been a wild ride, man!

Lunch? I've got a luxury egg sandwich, cheese and onion crisps, peach yoghurt, and a can of Coke. / I'll be working on a conceptual later, No. 145. Big number, eh? It's funny: the more I get a-ROUND, the more I want to get a-ROUND.

Wednesday 21 August 2013

[No. 144] Everything will be different in Malibu

Stay out of Malibu, deadbeat! Keep your ugly fucking goldbricking ass out of my beach community!

And you gotta pretend you're really there, here[1], and ... Hello, reader(s), thanks for coming, I'm Michael Fowke[1], and you gotta pretend you're really there, here[2], and what's your drink?[1], and ... Hello, reader(s), thanks for coming, I'm Michael Fowke[2], and this is a PARTY that might last forever[1], and what's your drink?[2], and you're not all that welcome, I'm afraid[1], and this is a PARTY that might last forever[2], and I'm not sure you're the type I want a-ROUND here[1], and you're not all that welcome, I'm afraid[2], and how's ... ?[1], and I'm not sure you're the type I want a-ROUND here[2], and I wouldn't know, reader(s): I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy[1], and how's ... ?[2], and people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone[1], and I wouldn't know, reader(s): I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy[2], and all I'm saying is, I WANT MINE[1], and people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone[2], and it's nice and quiet, ain't it?[1], and all I'm saying is, I WANT MINE[2], and I'm staying on this beach FOREVER - ?[1], and it's nice and quiet, ain't it?[2], and you can't beat the SUN in Malibu, and you can't beat the MOON in Malibu[1], and I'm staying on this beach FOREVER - ?[2], and WHO are you?[1], and you can't beat the SUN in Malibu, and you can't beat the MOON in Malibu[2], and were you actually invited, man?[1], and WHO are you?[2], and NOW it gets a bit nasty: I don't like you sucking a-ROUND bothering our citizens[1], and were you actually invited, man?[2], and this is PRIVATE[1], and NOW it gets a bit nasty: I don't like you sucking a-ROUND bothering our citizens[2], and NOW it gets real nasty: I don't like your jerk-off face, and I don't like your jerk-off behaviour[1], and this is PRIVATE[2], and I know you just dropped in to see what condition your condition was in, but this is PRIVATE, man![1], and NOW it gets real nasty: I don't like your jerk-off face, and I don't like your jerk-off behaviour[2], and you may well ask ... which one's Logjammin'?[1], and I know you just dropped in to see what condition your condition was in, but this is PRIVATE, man![2], and EVERYTHING is ... different in Malibu[1], and you may well ask ... which one's Logjammin'?[2], and so ... thanks for coming, yeah[1], and EVERYTHING is ... different in Malibu[2], and you gotta pretend you're really there, here[3], and so ... thanks for coming, yeah[2], and ... Hello, reader(s), thanks for coming, I'm Michael Fowke[3], and what's your drink?[3], and this is a PARTY that might last forever[3], and you're not all that welcome, I'm afraid[3], and I'm not sure you're the type I want a-ROUND here[3], and how's ... ?[3], and I wouldn't know, reader(s): I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy[3], and people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone[3], and all I'm saying is, I WANT MINE[3], and it's nice and quiet, ain't it?[3], and I'm staying on this beach FOREVER - ?[3], and you can't beat the SUN in Malibu, and you can't beat the MOON in Malibu[3], and WHO are you?[3], and were you actually invited, man?[3], and NOW it gets a bit nasty: I don't like you sucking a-ROUND bothering our citizens[3], and this is PRIVATE[3], and NOW it gets real nasty: I don't like your jerk-off face, and I don't like your jerk-off behaviour[3], and I know you just dropped in to see what condition your condition was in, but this is PRIVATE, man![3], and you may well ask ... which one's Logjammin'?[3], and EVERYTHING is ... different in Malibu[3], and so ... thanks for coming, yeah[3], and

And you gotta pretend you're really there, here[1], and ... Hello, reader(s), thanks for coming, I'm Michael Fowke[1], and you gotta pretend you're really there, here[2], and what's your drink?[1], and ... Hello, reader(s), thanks for coming, I'm Michael Fowke[2], and this is a PARTY that might last forever[1], and what's your drink?[2], and you're not all that welcome, I'm afraid[1], and this is a PARTY that might last forever[2], and I'm not sure you're the type I want a-ROUND here[1], and you're not all that welcome, I'm afraid[2], and how's ... ?[1], and I'm not sure you're the type I want a-ROUND here[2], and I wouldn't know, reader(s): I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy[1], and how's ... ?[2], and people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone[1], and I wouldn't know, reader(s): I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy[2], and all I'm saying is, I WANT MINE[1], and people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone[2], and it's nice and quiet, ain't it?[1], and all I'm saying is, I WANT MINE[2], and I'm staying on this beach FOREVER - ?[1], and it's nice and quiet, ain't it?[2], and you can't beat the SUN in Malibu, and you can't beat the MOON in Malibu[1], and I'm staying on this beach FOREVER - ?[2], and WHO are you?[1], and you can't beat the SUN in Malibu, and you can't beat the MOON in Malibu[2], and were you actually invited, man?[1], and WHO are you?[2], and NOW it gets a bit nasty: I don't like you sucking a-ROUND bothering our citizens[1], and were you actually invited, man?[2], and this is PRIVATE[1], and NOW it gets a bit nasty: I don't like you sucking a-ROUND bothering our citizens[2], and NOW it gets real nasty: I don't like your jerk-off face, and I don't like your jerk-off behaviour[1], and this is PRIVATE[2], and I know you just dropped in to see what condition your condition was in, but this is PRIVATE, man![1], and NOW it gets real nasty: I don't like your jerk-off face, and I don't like your jerk-off behaviour[2], and you may well ask ... which one's Logjammin'?[1], and I know you just dropped in to see what condition your condition was in, but this is PRIVATE, man![2], and EVERYTHING is ... different in Malibu[1], and you may well ask ... which one's Logjammin'?[2], and so ... thanks for coming, yeah[1], and EVERYTHING is ... different in Malibu[2], and you gotta pretend you're really there, here[3], and so ... thanks for coming, yeah[2], and ... Hello, reader(s), thanks for coming, I'm Michael Fowke[3], and what's your drink?[3], and this is a PARTY that might last forever[3], and you're not all that welcome, I'm afraid[3], and I'm not sure you're the type I want a-ROUND here[3], and how's ... ?[3], and I wouldn't know, reader(s): I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy[3], and people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone[3], and all I'm saying is, I WANT MINE[3], and it's nice and quiet, ain't it?[3], and I'm staying on this beach FOREVER - ?[3], and you can't beat the SUN in Malibu, and you can't beat the MOON in Malibu[3], and WHO are you?[3], and were you actually invited, man?[3], and NOW it gets a bit nasty: I don't like you sucking a-ROUND bothering our citizens[3], and this is PRIVATE[3], and NOW it gets real nasty: I don't like your jerk-off face, and I don't like your jerk-off behaviour[3], and I know you just dropped in to see what condition your condition was in, but this is PRIVATE, man![3], and you may well ask ... which one's Logjammin'?[3], and EVERYTHING is ... different in Malibu[3], and so ... thanks for coming, yeah[3], and

And you gotta pretend you're really there, here[1], and ... Hello, reader(s), thanks for coming, I'm Michael Fowke[1], and you gotta pretend you're really there, here[2], and what's your drink?[1], and ... Hello, reader(s), thanks for coming, I'm Michael Fowke[2], and this is a PARTY that might last forever[1], and what's your drink?[2], and you're not all that welcome, I'm afraid[1], and this is a PARTY that might last forever[2], and I'm not sure you're the type I want a-ROUND here[1], and you're not all that welcome, I'm afraid[2], and how's ... ?[1], and I'm not sure you're the type I want a-ROUND here[2], and I wouldn't know, reader(s): I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy[1], and how's ... ?[2], and people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone[1], and I wouldn't know, reader(s): I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy[2], and all I'm saying is, I WANT MINE[1], and people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone[2], and it's nice and quiet, ain't it?[1], and all I'm saying is, I WANT MINE[2], and I'm staying on this beach FOREVER - ?[1], and it's nice and quiet, ain't it?[2], and you can't beat the SUN in Malibu, and you can't beat the MOON in Malibu[1], and I'm staying on this beach FOREVER - ?[2], and WHO are you?[1], and you can't beat the SUN in Malibu, and you can't beat the MOON in Malibu[2], and were you actually invited, man?[1], and WHO are you?[2], and NOW it gets a bit nasty: I don't like you sucking a-ROUND bothering our citizens[1], and were you actually invited, man?[2], and this is PRIVATE[1], and NOW it gets a bit nasty: I don't like you sucking a-ROUND bothering our citizens[2], and NOW it gets real nasty: I don't like your jerk-off face, and I don't like your jerk-off behaviour[1], and this is PRIVATE[2], and I know you just dropped in to see what condition your condition was in, but this is PRIVATE, man![1], and NOW it gets real nasty: I don't like your jerk-off face, and I don't like your jerk-off behaviour[2], and you may well ask ... which one's Logjammin'?[1], and I know you just dropped in to see what condition your condition was in, but this is PRIVATE, man![2], and EVERYTHING is ... different in Malibu[1], and you may well ask ... which one's Logjammin'?[2], and so ... thanks for coming, yeah[1], and EVERYTHING is ... different in Malibu[2], and you gotta pretend you're really there, here[3], and so ... thanks for coming, yeah[2], and ... Hello, reader(s), thanks for coming, I'm Michael Fowke[3], and what's your drink?[3], and this is a PARTY that might last forever[3], and you're not all that welcome, I'm afraid[3], and I'm not sure you're the type I want a-ROUND here[3], and how's ... ?[3], and I wouldn't know, reader(s): I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy[3], and people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone[3], and all I'm saying is, I WANT MINE[3], and it's nice and quiet, ain't it?[3], and I'm staying on this beach FOREVER - ?[3], and you can't beat the SUN in Malibu, and you can't beat the MOON in Malibu[3], and WHO are you?[3], and were you actually invited, man?[3], and NOW it gets a bit nasty: I don't like you sucking a-ROUND bothering our citizens[3], and this is PRIVATE[3], and NOW it gets real nasty: I don't like your jerk-off face, and I don't like your jerk-off behaviour[3], and I know you just dropped in to see what condition your condition was in, but this is PRIVATE, man![3], and you may well ask ... which one's Logjammin'?[3], and EVERYTHING is ... different in Malibu[3], and so ... thanks for coming, yeah[3], and

Jeremy Roberts is the head of UK retail sales at BlackRock

My phone company is rolling out 4G soon, but the useless, chiselling pricks can't even get 3G right. I can hardly get a signal on that dongle shit. / So, we're stuck with Jeremy. The only news I could find. 'It's not news, man, that Mr Roberts is the head of UK retail sales at BlackRock. Everyone knows him. He's famous!' He's not famous, Voice, you clown. And that's not the news. The news is that Jeremy reckons bond funds need to be smaller. 'Oh. Why?' Because they won't succeed otherwise. 'And that's the news, is it?' Yes. 'Christ, boss! Where are all the stories of banks going bust, riots in the streets, gold going up to $20,000 an ounce?' Those days are over, my little invisible friend. So I'm afraid it's bond funds needing to be smaller. 'Ha! I think I can understand why you want to be a rock and roll star, Mikey.' Yeah, Voice, I'm getting out of this game. It won't be long now. And the advice I'm giving to all my readers is: Get out while you can, lads! (And the ladies.) You've got enough money. It ain't no fun any more. There are other things you can do. Save yourselves!!!

_________________________


I ain't gonna be a rock and roll star. Just a songwriter. That will do. Like Burt. / Everything will be different in Malibu.

Everything will be different in Malibu, No. 144? Yeah, there's no harm in it. After lunch. I'll escape, for a while.

Don't drag me deeper into dull reality. I don't wanna hear about no smaller bond funds.

Did you go to the park yesterday, eh? Did you buy the ice cream? I hope so. You've got to listen to me, man. I've been to parks. I've eaten ice creams. I know how good that lifestyle can be. / I'm the Preacher. Are you in the office again? It's all vanity and vexation of spirit!

Never mind. What does it matter?

Tuesday 20 August 2013

Wayne Leslie has just left Brevan Howard Asset Management ... and I still don't know who he is!

Who is Wayne Leslie? It's a mystery, man. Don't bother going to his LinkedIn profile. Apparently, he's at Goldman Sachs. BUT HE AIN'T! Goldman is all in the past. / He's supposed to be a credit trader. That doesn't tell us anything. Many men have been credit traders. 'Let's hope he's not a toilet trader, Mikey!' Er, thank you, Voice, for your contribution. No, Mr Leslie hasn't been arrested in the Tottenham Court Road.

Quite a few people have left Brevan Howard recently: Oh, Jason Feasey, Richard Armes, Luke Ding, Dan Mirabella, Milena Todorova ... / There have been losses in the Master fund. Never mind. These things happen to all firms. You have to stay strong.

Wayne will turn up somewhere else, sooner or later. And no one will know who he is. (He doesn't know, I'm sure.) It's a tragic life, but he's probably making good money, so ...

_________________________


I'm very pleased with the opening four lines of You're Lying. I suppose I could record it myself. I'd like to be like Sinatra. I don't think Vegas is too far from Malibu. 'You hang around, Jack, it may show.' What's that, Voice? 'Sinatra doing Something.' Nice.

I keep listening to Bobby Darin's Mack the Knife. I'm becoming obsessed with that song. Simon Cowell might have been right when he said it was the greatest song ever.

_________________________


It's a lovely sunny day. We better make the most of it. Only a couple of weeks until winter.

You're not stuck in the office, are you? Dear oh dear. Don't waste your life on work, reader(s).

Why don't you go out at lunchtime and get an ice cream? Go for a walk in the park.

You don't want to be like Wayne. He's sending his CV off and going to interviews. He can't wait to get back to the nonsense. Christ! But if Wayne went and lived in a cave, he might find himself. He might discover who he really is.

Monday 19 August 2013

I've been out today

I went into central London. I had a look around. I bought some guitar plectrums. I had a Cornish pasty. / On the way back, I walked from Oxford Street all the way to Notting Hill Gate, then I got the Tube home.

I'm pretty sure I haven't missed any exciting financial news. 'Why are you so sure, boss?' Think about it, Voice.

Music. / That Telstar film was cool. I'll probably end up like poor Joe. / I wrote a bit of the lyric for You're Lying over the weekend. It's not finished yet, man. I'm quite pleased with the way it's shaping up though. I'll have another go ... soon. Maybe the long weekend. I reckon it'll be a classic crooner's torch song. 'Who's going to sing it, you, Mikey?' No. Tony Bennett ... maybe. 'Gordon Bennett, more like.' Shut up, you slag.

£3.10 for a fucking pasty. They're taking the piss.

I might watch The Big Lebowski again tonight. / I'll be like that Jackie Treehorn one day. 'What?!' I don't mean running my own porn empire. I mean living in Malibu. 'Oh. Can I come to your parties on the beach?' No, Voice. I'll want to make a fresh start in paradise.

There'll be some news tomorrow ... knowing my luck.

Thursday 15 August 2013

[No. 143] I can't take much more

But I will have to.

And I say, I can't take much more ... oh, I know there's more to come a-ROUND here[1], and will I ever be more than THREE?[1], and I say, I can't take much more ... oh, I know there's more to come a-ROUND here[2], and MONEY may make the world go round, but DESPAIR makes me go a-ROUND[1], and will I ever be more than THREE?[2], and will I ever be less than ONE? 'Eh?'[1], and MONEY may make the world go round, but DESPAIR makes me go a-ROUND[2], and there's another life, a better life ... on the beaches of MALIBU![1], and will I ever be less than ONE? 'Eh?'[2], and even when THE DEAD have realized that ... books are dead, I'll be a-ROUND, for my sins[1], and there's another life, a better life ... on the beaches of MALIBU![2], and you want ... sins?[1], and even when THE DEAD have realized that ... books are dead, I'll be a-ROUND, for my sins[2], and if the numbers ever stop, YOU(!) can still pick one and try to get beyond the THREE[1], and you want ... sins?[2], and in the year 2525, No. 1,000,076? I haven't even done the maths, man ... just so lazy[1], and if the numbers ever stop, YOU(!) can still pick one and try to get beyond the THREE[2], and I'd like to SLOW DOWN[1], and in the year 2525, No. 1,000,076? I haven't even done the maths, man ... just so lazy[2], and dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, but not FREE, not yet[1], and I'd like to SLOW DOWN[2], and sometimes I'm so ... so ... so ... knackered, I have to crawl a-ROUND[1], and dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, but not FREE, not yet[2], and we(?) want to go fast, FASTER![1], and sometimes I'm so ... so ... so ... knackered, I have to crawl a-ROUND[2], and people can't wait for NOTHING now[1], and we(?) want to go fast, FASTER![2], and this is why I'm alive: PHRASES for SLAVES, my friend - oh, how do you feel?[1], and people can't wait for NOTHING now[2], and we can't go back, we gotta go forward[1], and this is why I'm alive: PHRASES for SLAVES, my friend - oh, how do you feel?[2], and I say, I can't take much more ... oh, I know there's more to come a-ROUND here[3], and we can't go back, we gotta go forward[2], and will I ever be more than THREE?[3], and MONEY may make the world go round, but DESPAIR makes me go a-ROUND[3], and will I ever be less than ONE? 'Eh?'[3], and there's another life, a better life ... on the beaches of MALIBU![3], and even when THE DEAD have realized that ... books are dead, I'll be a-ROUND, for my sins[3], and you want ... sins?[3], and if the numbers ever stop, YOU(!) can still pick one and try to get beyond the THREE[3], and in the year 2525, No. 1,000,076? I haven't even done the maths, man ... just so lazy[3], and I'd like to SLOW DOWN[3], and dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, but not FREE, not yet[3], and sometimes I'm so ... so ... so ... knackered, I have to crawl a-ROUND[3], and we(?) want to go fast, FASTER![3], and people can't wait for NOTHING now[3], and this is why I'm alive: PHRASES for SLAVES, my friend - oh, how do you feel?[3], and we can't go back, we gotta go forward[3], and

And I say, I can't take much more ... oh, I know there's more to come a-ROUND here[1], and will I ever be more than THREE?[1], and I say, I can't take much more ... oh, I know there's more to come a-ROUND here[2], and MONEY may make the world go round, but DESPAIR makes me go a-ROUND[1], and will I ever be more than THREE?[2], and will I ever be less than ONE? 'Eh?'[1], and MONEY may make the world go round, but DESPAIR makes me go a-ROUND[2], and there's another life, a better life ... on the beaches of MALIBU![1], and will I ever be less than ONE? 'Eh?'[2], and even when THE DEAD have realized that ... books are dead, I'll be a-ROUND, for my sins[1], and there's another life, a better life ... on the beaches of MALIBU![2], and you want ... sins?[1], and even when THE DEAD have realized that ... books are dead, I'll be a-ROUND, for my sins[2], and if the numbers ever stop, YOU(!) can still pick one and try to get beyond the THREE[1], and you want ... sins?[2], and in the year 2525, No. 1,000,076? I haven't even done the maths, man ... just so lazy[1], and if the numbers ever stop, YOU(!) can still pick one and try to get beyond the THREE[2], and I'd like to SLOW DOWN[1], and in the year 2525, No. 1,000,076? I haven't even done the maths, man ... just so lazy[2], and dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, but not FREE, not yet[1], and I'd like to SLOW DOWN[2], and sometimes I'm so ... so ... so ... knackered, I have to crawl a-ROUND[1], and dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, but not FREE, not yet[2], and we(?) want to go fast, FASTER![1], and sometimes I'm so ... so ... so ... knackered, I have to crawl a-ROUND[2], and people can't wait for NOTHING now[1], and we(?) want to go fast, FASTER![2], and this is why I'm alive: PHRASES for SLAVES, my friend - oh, how do you feel?[1], and people can't wait for NOTHING now[2], and we can't go back, we gotta go forward[1], and this is why I'm alive: PHRASES for SLAVES, my friend - oh, how do you feel?[2], and I say, I can't take much more ... oh, I know there's more to come a-ROUND here[3], and we can't go back, we gotta go forward[2], and will I ever be more than THREE?[3], and MONEY may make the world go round, but DESPAIR makes me go a-ROUND[3], and will I ever be less than ONE? 'Eh?'[3], and there's another life, a better life ... on the beaches of MALIBU![3], and even when THE DEAD have realized that ... books are dead, I'll be a-ROUND, for my sins[3], and you want ... sins?[3], and if the numbers ever stop, YOU(!) can still pick one and try to get beyond the THREE[3], and in the year 2525, No. 1,000,076? I haven't even done the maths, man ... just so lazy[3], and I'd like to SLOW DOWN[3], and dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, but not FREE, not yet[3], and sometimes I'm so ... so ... so ... knackered, I have to crawl a-ROUND[3], and we(?) want to go fast, FASTER![3], and people can't wait for NOTHING now[3], and this is why I'm alive: PHRASES for SLAVES, my friend - oh, how do you feel?[3], and we can't go back, we gotta go forward[3], and

And I say, I can't take much more ... oh, I know there's more to come a-ROUND here[1], and will I ever be more than THREE?[1], and I say, I can't take much more ... oh, I know there's more to come a-ROUND here[2], and MONEY may make the world go round, but DESPAIR makes me go a-ROUND[1], and will I ever be more than THREE?[2], and will I ever be less than ONE? 'Eh?'[1], and MONEY may make the world go round, but DESPAIR makes me go a-ROUND[2], and there's another life, a better life ... on the beaches of MALIBU![1], and will I ever be less than ONE? 'Eh?'[2], and even when THE DEAD have realized that ... books are dead, I'll be a-ROUND, for my sins[1], and there's another life, a better life ... on the beaches of MALIBU![2], and you want ... sins?[1], and even when THE DEAD have realized that ... books are dead, I'll be a-ROUND, for my sins[2], and if the numbers ever stop, YOU(!) can still pick one and try to get beyond the THREE[1], and you want ... sins?[2], and in the year 2525, No. 1,000,076? I haven't even done the maths, man ... just so lazy[1], and if the numbers ever stop, YOU(!) can still pick one and try to get beyond the THREE[2], and I'd like to SLOW DOWN[1], and in the year 2525, No. 1,000,076? I haven't even done the maths, man ... just so lazy[2], and dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, but not FREE, not yet[1], and I'd like to SLOW DOWN[2], and sometimes I'm so ... so ... so ... knackered, I have to crawl a-ROUND[1], and dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, but not FREE, not yet[2], and we(?) want to go fast, FASTER![1], and sometimes I'm so ... so ... so ... knackered, I have to crawl a-ROUND[2], and people can't wait for NOTHING now[1], and we(?) want to go fast, FASTER![2], and this is why I'm alive: PHRASES for SLAVES, my friend - oh, how do you feel?[1], and people can't wait for NOTHING now[2], and we can't go back, we gotta go forward[1], and this is why I'm alive: PHRASES for SLAVES, my friend - oh, how do you feel?[2], and I say, I can't take much more ... oh, I know there's more to come a-ROUND here[3], and we can't go back, we gotta go forward[2], and will I ever be more than THREE?[3], and MONEY may make the world go round, but DESPAIR makes me go a-ROUND[3], and will I ever be less than ONE? 'Eh?'[3], and there's another life, a better life ... on the beaches of MALIBU![3], and even when THE DEAD have realized that ... books are dead, I'll be a-ROUND, for my sins[3], and you want ... sins?[3], and if the numbers ever stop, YOU(!) can still pick one and try to get beyond the THREE[3], and in the year 2525, No. 1,000,076? I haven't even done the maths, man ... just so lazy[3], and I'd like to SLOW DOWN[3], and dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, but not FREE, not yet[3], and sometimes I'm so ... so ... so ... knackered, I have to crawl a-ROUND[3], and we(?) want to go fast, FASTER![3], and people can't wait for NOTHING now[3], and this is why I'm alive: PHRASES for SLAVES, my friend - oh, how do you feel?[3], and we can't go back, we gotta go forward[3], and