Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Be under no illusions

I'll give you a war you won't believe - Arthur Rimbaud

I am not a civilized man. Your world means nothing to me. It doesn't even exist in my mind. Do you think this is a fucking joke? THIS IS MY LIFE. There is nothing else.

[O my children, my brothers, my sisters, turn your eyes away. This is not for you. You know you are loved.]

I have not crawled through shit to leave my soul behind now. I have not typed words with bloody fingers only to watch my visions fade into the dullness of your consciousness. This suffering is not for your entertainment. And it is not something to be watered down, imitated or repackaged. I am like Icarus, motherfucker. I am prepared to go to the limits of literature. If I am destroyed, so be it. SO BE IT. Will you follow?

You do not have the balls to follow. And even if you did, your controllers would not allow you to follow. You do not even know where I started from. So how can you know where I am heading? Do you think I sprang from nothingness? That one day, I decided to embark upon this journey because I had nothing better to do? No. I spent twenty years preparing for this! Tens of thousands of words have been written and been thrown away! NOW I AM READY. Are you ready?

I am forty years old. I spent most of my twenties and thirties fighting off a suicidal depression. Only recently have I defeated it. I found the way I was looking for. A way that belongs to me. IT WAS CREATED BY ME. What will you create?

Poke me with a stick, if you must. But I will not slink away into the shadows. I found my way into the light. I AM STAYING IN THE LIGHT. Try and put the light out. I am willing to fight to survive, willing to kill. What are you willing to do?