Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Schroders' Alan Brown says …

O Master, let me guess. I'm in heaven when you smile?

No, my child, he doesn't say that. But he would be well within his rights. No, Alan Brown, Schroders' chief investment officer, says that there is easy money being pumped in that may lead to the creation of bubbles.


Yeah, bubbles. Just like that Vishnu cat breathing out universes.


Vishnu, my child. He breathed out these little bubbles into water. Then he breathed in and the bubbles went back inside him. They became universes. Somehow, they ended up all around him in a sort of foam.

Oh, he breathed out again, no doubt. But what's that got to do with Mr Brown?

Alan is saying that easy money is being pumped into his mouth by a ghost of some description. Obviously, it is one of the dead financiers at work. What Alan fears is the possibility of the money turning into bubbles, then small universes, in his body. Of course, I have no idea why he fears this fate. Yes, fate. I think the guy has got it made, myself. It's like a winning lottery ticket. I suppose it is just the classic fear of the unknown. Maybe he is worried that the universes will expand and split him open. But all he really has to do is follow Vishnu's example. Exhale these tiny universes and watch them grow into new realms of pure cash!

That certainly seems the best solution.

It is the only solution. Alan Brown has to do this. The man has been chosen. No harm will come to him if he plays it by the book. Lord knows how many finance types out there are absolutely eaten up with jealousy right now. Alan is a very lucky man. He will be the progenitor of universes devoted to money!

O Master, don't forget about the ghost. He/she is playing their part.

O my child, it's a team effort. And either Big Herb or Ganesh instructed the ghost to impregnate Mr Brown. There is a lot that goes on behind the scenes that we don't know about. If God moves in mysterious ways - and He does - how do you think the money gods move? They are basically made of the same stuff. Cut from the same cloth, as it were.

So there's nothing to worry about, is there?

There shouldn't be. Alan has got to steel himself. And just go through the whole process, one step at a time. I'm sure he'll be fine.