Friday, 6 November 2009

Zvi "the Octopussy" Goffer

Right. There is some terrible fucking confusion at the SEC. It has charged Zvi Goffer with insider trading. It's all to do with the Galleon affair. 'Well, that's fair. That's fair enough' - you might say, dear reader. What alarms me though, is that they are calling this man "the Octopussy". Apparently because he had his arms in so many sources of inside information.

But, Master, wouldn't it have been better if the SEC had said that he had had his fingers in many different pies? Then they could have called him "the Finger-Pie Man" or something like that. Too late now, I suppose.

But that's the confusion!

O Master, what confusion?

My child, they don't realize that Zvi is actually a male incarnation of the Hindu goddess Durga.

What the fuck?! Are you having a laugh?

No, I am not. Durga has eight arms, yeah? Well, according to the SEC, Zvi Goffer also has eight arms. And -

And that's why they didn't call him "the Finger-Pie Man".

Well, yeah, but listen, not being as clued-up as I am - I've spoken with Ganesh, by the way - the SEC just presumed that he was some sort of a freaky octopus of a man, put on earth to rip off money from all and sundry. But no, he is a god. A living god! And he deserves our respect. The SEC should drop the charge immediately. Whatever he has done, I'm sure there was a higher purpose.

You mean something we're not privy to?

Fuckin' A! Something super-mystical is going down. Something beyond the understanding of mere mortals. The Securities and Exchange Commission would be mad to interfere.


No. Durga.