Wednesday, 25 May 2016

Netwealth, funded by angels!

Wow! A new firm, Netwealth, has been given some money by some angels. Is this a first? 'They're angel investors, boss.' Exactly, Voice! Some angels have come down from heaven and given money to this new online discretionary wealth management service. 'No, Mikey! They're angel investors. For fuck's sake!' What do you mean? 'Never mind.'

Well, well ... / I don't know what the Voice's problem is today, dear reader(s). Maybe he got out of bed on the wrong side of the astral plane. / Anyway, this firm. The amusing thing is, these angels have actually given the money to an angel. 'Who?' Charlotte Ransom. 'Who's she?' She used to be a partner at Goldman Sachs. Now she's the chief executive and co-founder of Netwealth. 'Who's the other founder?' Ha! I don't know, don't care. I'm just looking at Charlotte's picture on LinkedIn. She's really lovely. I'm sure the firm will be a great success. 'Boss.' What? 'You're missing something.' What? 'Well, there must be a joke you can tell about her surname. I mean, it's crying out for a joke.' Maybe there is a joke, Voice, and maybe there ain't. But I'm not telling it, man. I think Charlotte's lovely. She's an angel. I don't want to upset her. 'Okay. / Of course, you do know that angels are supposed to have blonde hair?' That's a myth. 'Is it?' Well, I don't think there are any rules about it.

Christ! I really don't know what his problem is this morning. Such a miserable little voice!

...

Anyway, let's move on. / Politics. Jesus. This European Union/Brexit nonsense. I might not actually vote, you know? I hate both sides, really. But if I do vote, I think I'll vote to remain. 'Why?!' Well, because I reckon unelected European bureaucrats are the best protection against psychopathic conservatives. These pricks don't conserve anything but their own privilege. They're not remotely interested in Great Britain. And look at it this way: if you're going to be a slave, you might as well pick the nicest slave-master you can find. I would rather have some bloodless European nonentities ruling over us than characters like Iain Duncan Smith, Nigel Farage, Chris Grayling, Priti Patel ... and all the other monsters. You dig? 'But Jeremy Corbyn might win the next election, man!' Yeah, right.