SpaceX - ??? No, no, no. StoneX. 'What's this all about, boss?' This, Voice? This - !!!
INTL FCStone Inc. (NASDAQ: INTL) (the "Company"), a Fortune 100 provider of execution, post-trade settlement, clearing and custody services across asset classes and markets worldwide, today announced that it is rebranding the firm as StoneX Group Inc. ("StoneX").
So, uh ... yeah, it's a PR email, but, uh ... 'Not from today, boss.' No, not from today. It's from last week. 'Christ! Why didn't you do it last week?' Because I did other emails last week. I get so many now. 'Ha! Why are you so popular with these PR freaks?' I don't know, man. Maybe they like my style.
INTL experienced a record quarter, completed a material acquisition of Gain Capital, broke $1 billion market cap, ranked in the Fortune 100, and filed for their upcoming rebrand all within the past few months. INTL FCStone's recent acquisition of Gain Capital was another major step in a decade-long strategy aimed at making INTL a provider of financial services focused on under-served clients in niche markets.
Fair enough. I don't have any complaints.
While the 2008 crisis hurt the bulge bracket banks, it provided INTL FCStone with unexpected opportunities for growth. As larger investment banks derisked by withdrawing from markets around the globe and narrowing their offerings, INTL invested in retaining its broad capabilities to better serve its clients. The crisis also drove consolidation among smaller players, allowing INTL FCStone to make multiple strategic acquisitions that support each of its business lines in recent years - making 15+ acquisitions over the past 5 years, with five acquisitions in the last year alone.
Oh, well, okay. 'And do you have anything to say about it, boss?' Me?! What could I possibly say about any of this? Except ... no endorsements! I never endorse anything. I mean, let's be honest ... I don't understand half of what goes on in finance. I don't understand quarter. 'But you could understand ... if you wanted to.' Yes, Voice, that's absolutely correct. I could understand ... if I wanted to.
Life is too short. That's the problem.
...
Okay, okay. Let's talk about music, kook(s)!
No! Actually, let's talk about Julius Caesar. Listen! I'm not suggesting that anyone should become as immoral as Caesar. He did bad things.
Personally, I'm just a musical Caesar. 'Eh?! I thought you were a musical Musk, Mikey?' Ha!
[O Lord, what am I?!]
No, no, no. Caesar had the action. He had the personality. The whole package. And no Twitter memes!
He's the perfect antidote to the modern world. Look at how soft everyone is! How silly!
Teras. That's him. And that's me.
...
Anything else? Uh ... music? All right, you've talked me into it. 'Me?' No, them.
I will finish We'll Show Them Heaven soon BECAUSE(!) ... such tunes are rare. It's simple, but it has grandeur. Like Imagine.
That will give me eight top tunes then. I need ten - for the sake of my mental health. Does that sound silly to you, dear reader(s)? Well, it's not.
Laters.
