I mean, have they lost their wands, or didn't they have any wands to begin with? Er ... I don't know what's going on.
'What is this nonsense, boss?'
It's a PR email, Voice. Look! -
Are the monetary wizards wandless?
'Yeah. And what the hell is that supposed to mean?! Who sent you this?'
Jo.
Look -
Are the Monetary Wizards Wandless?
The Bank of England follows Federal Reserve with additional rate rise.
The committee voted 8-1 in favour of a hike to 0.75%.
CPI expected to be 8% or higher in the second quarter due to commodity price increases caused by the war in Ukraine, up from an April peak of 7.25% expected in February.
Initial market reaction saw a fall in UK bond yields on more dovish MPC minutes.
You see, Voice?
'Yeah. It's all finance talk. Makes no sense to me.'
Well, Nicky might be able to help ...
Nicholas Hyett, Investment Analyst, Wealth Club: "With inflation ripping through the economy it's no surprise the Bank of England's decided to raise interest rates again. But the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street has a delicate balancing act on her hands.
"The bank finds itself in a lose-lose situation. Rising commodity prices will squeeze consumer spending. With supply chain disruption in everything from oil to potatoes, the impact interest rates can have is more muted than usual, and higher rates risk putting even more pressure on people's wallets. But doing nothing risks runaway inflation causing severe financial damage. Meanwhile the Chancellor will be under intense pressure to help cash strapped consumers in next week's Spring statement - a politically popular move but one that will do nothing to counteract the growing inflationary pressure."
'Well, that seems reasonable, boss.'
Yes, but now he enters the realm of fantasy - with ghosts, uh ... giants, and magicians ...
"There is the ghost of an uncomfortable truth in this announcement. Since 2009 central bankers have stood like giants in the global economy, magicians whose words alone had the power to calm frayed financial nerves. The magic of interest rates only goes so far though, and with the destructive forces of war and The Thing rocking global markets, it's just possible the monetary wizards will find themselves wandless."
You see?
'Yeah, he's a lunatic. ENDS it now.'
ENDS
ENDS
ENDS
...
Anything else? Music?
I did write something, but I deleted it. I need some secrets, you dig? I can't tell you everything.
I've already told you too much, kooks.
But I need something to write about.
Never mind.
I bought that Gary Oldman film about Beethoven. I've seen it before. It's not very good. Oh, it has some good moments. But it's trying to be like Amadeus.
Never mind. It was only £2.99.
Cornwall? Thirty years ago, it cost me £65 a week to rent a holiday flat. Now it costs at least £80 a night for a room.
I won't be able to really enjoy myself down there again until I become a rock star. That's how crazy the situation is.
Cornwall: for rock stars only.
So, I'll probably only go for four days, if I do go. Maybe five days.
Never mind.
No pain, no gain. Christ. Those dumbbells are hard, man. I'm not complaining though. I'll look like Daniel Craig soon. 'I thought you wanted to look like Steve McQueen, Mikey?' Well ... Craig modelled himself on McQueen, but just took things a bit further. That's what I'm doing. 'Oh.'
It will all make sense when I'm a rock star, believe me.
Bye.
