Duff & Phelps and their reaction to the Trump victory

Yes, dear reader(s), it's the Thursday morning PR email, back by popular demand. 'Everyone loves these posts, boss!' Tell me about it! 'Well, everyone loves these posts. I think -' Shut up, for Christ's sake! / Let's do it! I'm pumped up. 'I'm feeling good, too.' Let's do it!

David Larsen, Managing Director in the Alternative Asset Advisory practice at Duff & Phelps in San Francisco, commented: "The funds that will be most at risk due to the initial market volatility caused by Donald Trump's victory, are the ones with exposure to multiple currencies, tariffs and geographies. For example, the Mexican Peso was one of the first victims of early indications that Trump would win. While some have criticized the industry for not pricing in a Trump victory, it is important to point out that the current situation is purely based on political uncertainty and not on economic structural issues. Evaluating the full impact of a Trump administration on funds will take much longer while we await clarity on what his cabinet and programme for the first 100 days will look like. One of the key points fund managers will keep a close eye on will be any continued rhetoric around taxation of carried interest, which although limited in fiscal revenue has proven to have populist support across party lines."

Hang on a minute! Where's Duff? 'He ain't Duff, man!' No, he's Larsen. Never mind. Let's turn to Phelps.

Ryan McNelley, Managing Director in the Alternative Asset Advisory practice at Duff & Phelps in London, commented on the perspective from Europe: "While the result of the US election will create short-term uncertainty similar to what we saw right after the EU Referendum, it is important to note that private equity firms and illiquid assets are more protected from short-term volatility as they are not under pressure to make or exit investments decisions. With 6 weeks to quarter end, in contrast to what we experienced following the Brexit vote, PE firms will have more time to consider the outcome and the implications it could have on valuation. Any deals that were due to close imminently are likely to proceed, but those with a longer lead time may want to take stock of market conditions and delay."

This is beyond a joke! Where is Phelps?! 'We want Phelps! We want Phelps! We want Phelps!' All right, Voice, that's enough. / Well, this is damn strange. We were promised Duff & Phelps. But we got Larsen & McNelley instead. 'Who promised us, boss?' Oh, that Vikki. You know Vikki. 'The PR girl?' Yeah.

Should you be interested in speaking to David or Ryan today, please do not hesitate on getting in touch.

Best,

Vikki

Jesus H.! / Vikki, love, we want Duff & Phelps, yeah? What the hell is going on?! 'Oh, boss, you should take a look at this from the Duff & Phelps website -'

William Duff and George Phelps founded Duff & Phelps in 1932 in Chicago because they saw that banks and insurance companies struggling in the Great Depression needed investment research based on rigorous analysis and technical expertise. Over the years, the firm branched into financial advisory and corporate finance, broadening and deepening our service offering and expertise to assist businesses in industries outside of the banking and insurance sector while maintaining the same commitment to technical expertise. Through acquisition and organic growth Duff & Phelps has grown into the diverse and agile firm it is today, serving more than 5,000 clients each year, including over 50% of the S&P 500, 60% of the Fortune 100, 80% of the Am Law 100 and 70% of the world’s top-tier hedge and private equity funds.

Uh, 1932. They founded it in 1932. 'I fear they may not be around any more, William and George.' Okay. Well, this is depressing, ain't it? Let's move on.

...

No, let's not, actually. 'You got something better to do, Mikey?' Well, I've got to rehearse the last two songs for my new demo, and then record them, man. 'Okay. Good luck!' Thanks. / Oh, have a nice weekend, reader(s)! Laters.

[No. 463] I'm so tired

I haven't slept a wink. 'That's a lie!' All right. One or two. But I'm knackered, man. So just let me spin softly to sleep.

And, well ... uh, well[1], and this ... is a little piece of my consciousness ness[1], and, well ... uh, well[2], and a-ROUND quietly, if you please ... / ... and no more a-roving so late into the night[1], and this ... is a little piece of my consciousness ness[2], and mystic kooks, put those drums away![1], and a-ROUND quietly, if you please ... / ... and no more a-roving so late into the night[2], and it's no joke, the state of the world / Man, I just want to hide, you dig?[1], and mystic kooks, put those drums away![2], and I don't smoke, but I like coffee[1], and it's no joke, the state of the world / Man, I just want to hide, you dig?[2], and they are leaves / and you put them in your mouth / and you set fire to them! ... ... ... 'Ha!'[1], and I don't smoke, but I like coffee[2], and I can't stop these words, words, words[1], and they are leaves / and you put them in your mouth / and you set fire to them! ... ... ... 'Ha!'[2], and ... help![1], and I can't stop these words, words, words[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... down, down, down into my pillow[1], and ... help![2], and I will dream I'm eating a giant marshmallow![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... down, down, down into my pillow[2], and my electric guitar is leaning against the wall / oh, let it stay there![1], and I will dream I'm eating a giant marshmallow![2], and ... too many crazy people![1], and my electric guitar is leaning against the wall / oh, let it stay there![2], and ... a man who is tired of life is tired of life / uh, I have to agree with that / 'Er, who said it?!'[1], and ... too many crazy people![2], and dumb people make dumb decisions ...[1], and ... a man who is tired of life is tired of life / uh, I have to agree with that / 'Er, who said it?!'[2], and a-ROUND, conceptual fan(s)! / Push me, ah, spin me ... because I have no energy at all[1], and dumb people make dumb decisions ...[2], and a time machine should go forward, not back[1], and a-ROUND, conceptual fan(s)! / Push me, ah, spin me ... because I have no energy at all[2], and ... 'Where's life beyond the THREE, Mikey?' / Give me a break, son![1], and a time machine should go forward, not back[2], and on we go![1], and ... 'Where's life beyond the THREE, Mikey?' / Give me a break, son![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, I'm holding on to my sanity[1], and on we go![2], and ... a will of iron![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, I'm holding on to my sanity[2], and, well ... uh, well[3], and ... a will of iron![2], and this ... is a little piece of my consciousness ness[3], and a-ROUND quietly, if you please ... / ... and no more a-roving so late into the night[3], and mystic kooks, put those drums away![3], and it's no joke, the state of the world / Man, I just want to hide, you dig?[3], and I don't smoke, but I like coffee[3], and they are leaves / and you put them in your mouth / and you set fire to them! ... ... ... 'Ha!'[3], and I can't stop these words, words, words[3], and ... help![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... down, down, down into my pillow[3], and I will dream I'm eating a giant marshmallow![3], and my electric guitar is leaning against the wall / oh, let it stay there![3], and ... too many crazy people![3], and ... a man who is tired of life is tired of life / uh, I have to agree with that / 'Er, who said it?!'[3], and dumb people make dumb decisions ...[3], and a-ROUND, conceptual fan(s)! / Push me, ah, spin me ... because I have no energy at all[3], and a time machine should go forward, not back[3], and ... 'Where's life beyond the THREE, Mikey?' / Give me a break, son![3], and on we go![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, I'm holding on to my sanity[3], and ... a will of iron![3], and

And, well ... uh, well[1], and this ... is a little piece of my consciousness ness[1], and, well ... uh, well[2], and a-ROUND quietly, if you please ... / ... and no more a-roving so late into the night[1], and this ... is a little piece of my consciousness ness[2], and mystic kooks, put those drums away![1], and a-ROUND quietly, if you please ... / ... and no more a-roving so late into the night[2], and it's no joke, the state of the world / Man, I just want to hide, you dig?[1], and mystic kooks, put those drums away![2], and I don't smoke, but I like coffee[1], and it's no joke, the state of the world / Man, I just want to hide, you dig?[2], and they are leaves / and you put them in your mouth / and you set fire to them! ... ... ... 'Ha!'[1], and I don't smoke, but I like coffee[2], and I can't stop these words, words, words[1], and they are leaves / and you put them in your mouth / and you set fire to them! ... ... ... 'Ha!'[2], and ... help![1], and I can't stop these words, words, words[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... down, down, down into my pillow[1], and ... help![2], and I will dream I'm eating a giant marshmallow![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... down, down, down into my pillow[2], and my electric guitar is leaning against the wall / oh, let it stay there![1], and I will dream I'm eating a giant marshmallow![2], and ... too many crazy people![1], and my electric guitar is leaning against the wall / oh, let it stay there![2], and ... a man who is tired of life is tired of life / uh, I have to agree with that / 'Er, who said it?!'[1], and ... too many crazy people![2], and dumb people make dumb decisions ...[1], and ... a man who is tired of life is tired of life / uh, I have to agree with that / 'Er, who said it?!'[2], and a-ROUND, conceptual fan(s)! / Push me, ah, spin me ... because I have no energy at all[1], and dumb people make dumb decisions ...[2], and a time machine should go forward, not back[1], and a-ROUND, conceptual fan(s)! / Push me, ah, spin me ... because I have no energy at all[2], and ... 'Where's life beyond the THREE, Mikey?' / Give me a break, son![1], and a time machine should go forward, not back[2], and on we go![1], and ... 'Where's life beyond the THREE, Mikey?' / Give me a break, son![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, I'm holding on to my sanity[1], and on we go![2], and ... a will of iron![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, I'm holding on to my sanity[2], and, well ... uh, well[3], and ... a will of iron![2], and this ... is a little piece of my consciousness ness[3], and a-ROUND quietly, if you please ... / ... and no more a-roving so late into the night[3], and mystic kooks, put those drums away![3], and it's no joke, the state of the world / Man, I just want to hide, you dig?[3], and I don't smoke, but I like coffee[3], and they are leaves / and you put them in your mouth / and you set fire to them! ... ... ... 'Ha!'[3], and I can't stop these words, words, words[3], and ... help![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... down, down, down into my pillow[3], and I will dream I'm eating a giant marshmallow![3], and my electric guitar is leaning against the wall / oh, let it stay there![3], and ... too many crazy people![3], and ... a man who is tired of life is tired of life / uh, I have to agree with that / 'Er, who said it?!'[3], and dumb people make dumb decisions ...[3], and a-ROUND, conceptual fan(s)! / Push me, ah, spin me ... because I have no energy at all[3], and a time machine should go forward, not back[3], and ... 'Where's life beyond the THREE, Mikey?' / Give me a break, son![3], and on we go![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, I'm holding on to my sanity[3], and ... a will of iron![3], and

And, well ... uh, well[1], and this ... is a little piece of my consciousness ness[1], and, well ... uh, well[2], and a-ROUND quietly, if you please ... / ... and no more a-roving so late into the night[1], and this ... is a little piece of my consciousness ness[2], and mystic kooks, put those drums away![1], and a-ROUND quietly, if you please ... / ... and no more a-roving so late into the night[2], and it's no joke, the state of the world / Man, I just want to hide, you dig?[1], and mystic kooks, put those drums away![2], and I don't smoke, but I like coffee[1], and it's no joke, the state of the world / Man, I just want to hide, you dig?[2], and they are leaves / and you put them in your mouth / and you set fire to them! ... ... ... 'Ha!'[1], and I don't smoke, but I like coffee[2], and I can't stop these words, words, words[1], and they are leaves / and you put them in your mouth / and you set fire to them! ... ... ... 'Ha!'[2], and ... help![1], and I can't stop these words, words, words[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... down, down, down into my pillow[1], and ... help![2], and I will dream I'm eating a giant marshmallow![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... down, down, down into my pillow[2], and my electric guitar is leaning against the wall / oh, let it stay there![1], and I will dream I'm eating a giant marshmallow![2], and ... too many crazy people![1], and my electric guitar is leaning against the wall / oh, let it stay there![2], and ... a man who is tired of life is tired of life / uh, I have to agree with that / 'Er, who said it?!'[1], and ... too many crazy people![2], and dumb people make dumb decisions ...[1], and ... a man who is tired of life is tired of life / uh, I have to agree with that / 'Er, who said it?!'[2], and a-ROUND, conceptual fan(s)! / Push me, ah, spin me ... because I have no energy at all[1], and dumb people make dumb decisions ...[2], and a time machine should go forward, not back[1], and a-ROUND, conceptual fan(s)! / Push me, ah, spin me ... because I have no energy at all[2], and ... 'Where's life beyond the THREE, Mikey?' / Give me a break, son![1], and a time machine should go forward, not back[2], and on we go![1], and ... 'Where's life beyond the THREE, Mikey?' / Give me a break, son![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, I'm holding on to my sanity[1], and on we go![2], and ... a will of iron![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, I'm holding on to my sanity[2], and, well ... uh, well[3], and ... a will of iron![2], and this ... is a little piece of my consciousness ness[3], and a-ROUND quietly, if you please ... / ... and no more a-roving so late into the night[3], and mystic kooks, put those drums away![3], and it's no joke, the state of the world / Man, I just want to hide, you dig?[3], and I don't smoke, but I like coffee[3], and they are leaves / and you put them in your mouth / and you set fire to them! ... ... ... 'Ha!'[3], and I can't stop these words, words, words[3], and ... help![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND now ... down, down, down into my pillow[3], and I will dream I'm eating a giant marshmallow![3], and my electric guitar is leaning against the wall / oh, let it stay there![3], and ... too many crazy people![3], and ... a man who is tired of life is tired of life / uh, I have to agree with that / 'Er, who said it?!'[3], and dumb people make dumb decisions ...[3], and a-ROUND, conceptual fan(s)! / Push me, ah, spin me ... because I have no energy at all[3], and a time machine should go forward, not back[3], and ... 'Where's life beyond the THREE, Mikey?' / Give me a break, son![3], and on we go![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... yes, I'm holding on to my sanity[3], and ... a will of iron![3], and

Hashemi Asset Management - ?!

What the hell is that?!?! ... You're probably wondering. 'Ha!' Well, er, I don't know why. It's just a new hedge fund, dear reader(s). How many new hedge funds have I written about over the years? 'It must be hundreds, boss.' Yes, Voice. It must be. And yet my hysterical readers are getting all upset again. 'They're just drama queens.' Maybe they're tired. I mean, I'm tired. I only got a couple of hours sleep last night. 'Why?' I was watching Biff Tannen win the US presidency. 'Ha!' Yeah. Even more of a mess than Brexit. Just consider. This guy will have the nuclear codes. Only eight per cent of African Americans voted for him. And his supporters are a rum bunch. 'So?' So, nothing. I'm just listing stuff, man. 'Oh.' I'm just saying America - and the world - is in for a rough ride now. The markets will go down, and the dollar, too. Nato's future will be in doubt. There'll be walls everywhere. 'But what will happen with Russia and Syria?' Who knows? I don't know. / Jesus! Not that I care any more, if I'm being honest. My music is a great comfort to me. I've recorded two of my new songs. Only two more to go! 'You've got to stay positive, Mikey.' Fuckin' A! / Breaking news: Biff is promising a free unicorn for every American! 'Nice one!' Well, maybe things won't be so bad ... I'm going to give him a chance!

But let's get back to Ardy Hashemi. 'Who?!' Ardy Hashemi. He's the guy behind the new hedge fund. It hasn't launched yet. We'll have to wait until early next year. It's a London-based fund. Ardy used to work at BlueCrest. 'Christ!' What, Voice? 'Everyone used to work at BlueCrest. What is it with these guys?' I don't know. They just have a hard-on for starting new funds. / Anyway, Ardy has got $200 million from Lighthouse Investment Partners. And it's going to be all long-short stuff, European equities.

Not much else to add. I hope our Ardy makes a success of it. God knows what the financial situation will be though. Starting a hedge fund ain't for wimps.

...

Anything else? No. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. That's all. Laters, blog fan(s)!

GIC acquires P3 from TPG Real Estate and Ivanhoe Cambridge, yippee!

Yeah, for €2.4 billion. Nice one! / Yes, dear reader(s), it's the Tuesday morning PR email, back by popular demand. You see, I got quite a few of them yesterday, so why not? It saves me looking around for news, you dig? 'That's all right, boss. You don't need to explain.' Well, thanks for your support, Voice. I really appreciate it.

Prague, Czech Republic, 07 November, 2016 - P3 Logistic Parks ("P3" or the "Group"), a leading specialist pan-European owner, developer and manager of logistics properties, announced today that GIC, Singapore's sovereign wealth fund, has signed a definitive agreement to acquire P3 from TPG Real Estate and its partner Ivanhoe Cambridge. The transaction values the business at €2.4 billion (nice!) and is the largest European real estate transaction this year. The transaction is subject to regulatory approval and is expected to close by the end of 2016.

Well, well ... P3, uh, the group. Are they a group? 'Three chords and the truth, Mikey?' Yeah, probably. I'll have to check them out on YouTube.

TPG Real Estate and Ivanhoe Cambridge acquired P3 in 2013. The Group has since grown into one of Europe's largest fully integrated logistics platforms and developers with a 3.3 million square metre portfolio. Over the last three years, P3 has completed a series of add-on acquisitions in key European markets, more than doubling the size of the portfolio, which now includes 163 high quality warehouses, in 62 locations, across nine countries. At the same time, the Group has increased its customer base threefold, demonstrating the strong and growing demand for premium logistics space.

Ha! Pop group? Of course not! P3 is a fully integrated logistics platform and developer. 'Ha!' I should read these emails properly before I start writing. 'You're just so enthusiastic, man ... or lazy.' Shut up! It's early in the morning. I've just had my coffee. I'm hardly awake. / So, what else? 'I think we need to hear from Ian Warboys.' Do we? Christ!

Ian Worboys, CEO of P3 said: "With the backing of TPG Real Estate and Ivanhoe Cambridge we have been able to significantly expand across our core territories, become a market leader, and create a clear differentiation as a customer-centric business. We are excited to partner with one of the world's largest sovereign funds in GIC, and we look forward to delivering the same success for our new shareholder. GIC's long-term investment strategy is closely aligned to our own approach, as a long-term owner and developer of high quality assets."

Excited. Normally, they're delighted, but I can dig "excited". 'It makes a nice change, boss.' Let's hear from Anand Tejani.

Anand Tejani, Partner at TPG Real Estate, said: "P3 is a good example of our platform-based investment strategy, and we are very proud of what we have accomplished together. Under our ownership, the business has undergone a period of significant change, growing to be one of the leading fully integrated logistics platforms in Europe. P3 has more than doubled in size and has strengthened its asset management, property management and development capabilities. We believe P3 will be well positioned to continue its growth under GIC's ownership."

Continue its growth? Why does he care? Never mind. / And Meka Brunel. 'Who?!' Meka Brunel.

Meka Brunel, President, Europe, Ivanhoe Cambridge, added: "We are very satisfied with how P3 was transformed into a leading logistics platform in such a short period of time. This transaction aligns with our investment strategy in Europe, where we look forward to continuing our success."

Okay. 'Is Lee Kok Sun available for comment, boss?' Yes, Voice, he is. Lee, mate, come on!

Lee Kok Sun, Chief Investment Officer at GIC Real Estate said: "We believe P3's strong growth will continue given its diversified, income-producing portfolio and substantial land bank. We are confident of the long-term potential of the European logistics sector, and look forward to expanding this attractive platform with the very capable P3 management team. GIC's extensive experience in investing in logistics globally also allows us to add value to this partnership."

Well, that does it. All's well that ends well, etc. / Laters.

[No. 462] I am an enemy of the people!

Watch out!

And here I am ... large as life![1], and I've got more than two brain cells to rub together ... / and I'm sure that makes me a dangerous man, man![1], and here I am ... large as life![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it's only harmless fun, sir/madam - !!![1], and I've got more than two brain cells to rub together ... / and I'm sure that makes me a dangerous man, man![2], and, uh ... having fun as usual[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it's only harmless fun, sir/madam - !!![2], and, yes ... I'm guilty of wanting to live in the twenty-first century / Is that such a terrible crime?[1], and, uh ... having fun as usual[2], and, Jesus ... don't take me to no 1950s, please![1], and, yes ... I'm guilty of wanting to live in the twenty-first century / Is that such a terrible crime?[2], and it's a beautiful life ... if you can live it without sick ideology, you dig?[1], and, Jesus ... don't take me to no 1950s, please![2], and who judges the judges? 'Er ... halfwits?'[1], and it's a beautiful life ... if you can live it without sick ideology, you dig?[2], and SQUARES ... have ye ever been DIZZY(!)? / Ah, so DIZZY(!) you didn't care about no square shit[1], and who judges the judges? 'Er ... halfwits?'[2], and, believe me ... deep in your consciousness ness ... there's a real YOU(!)[1], and SQUARES ... have ye ever been DIZZY(!)? / Ah, so DIZZY(!) you didn't care about no square shit[2], and I'll take you down ...[1], and, believe me ... deep in your consciousness ness ... there's a real YOU(!)[2], and a-ROUND now, freak(s) ... you'll be born again / and that's my personal guarantee[1], and I'll take you down ...[2], and you don't know joy, yet[1], and a-ROUND now, freak(s) ... you'll be born again / and that's my personal guarantee[2], and just look at all the lovely mystic kooks! - they're not miserable slaves, oh, they're so FREE[1], and you don't know joy, yet[2], and ... be like them![1], and just look at all the lovely mystic kooks! - they're not miserable slaves, oh, they're so FREE[2], and, spinner(s) ... we're heading beyond the THREE / Yeah, one of these spins ...[1], and ... be like them![2], and I'll get me guitar ...[1], and, spinner(s) ... we're heading beyond the THREE / Yeah, one of these spins ...[2], and, man, you just know ... I have those magical three chords and the TRUTH(!)[1], and I'll get me guitar ...[2], and, uh, if I hate you ... don't you get too close![1], and, man, you just know ... I have those magical three chords and the TRUTH(!)[2], and maybe I'll find you ...[1], and, uh, if I hate you ... don't you get too close![2], and remember: I am the world's forgotten boy, the one who searches and destroys![1], and maybe I'll find you ...[2], and here I am ... large as life![3], and remember: I am the world's forgotten boy, the one who searches and destroys![2], and I've got more than two brain cells to rub together ... / and I'm sure that makes me a dangerous man, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it's only harmless fun, sir/madam - !!![3], and, uh ... having fun as usual[3], and, yes ... I'm guilty of wanting to live in the twenty-first century / Is that such a terrible crime?[3], and, Jesus ... don't take me to no 1950s, please![3], and it's a beautiful life ... if you can live it without sick ideology, you dig?[3], and who judges the judges? 'Er ... halfwits?'[3], and SQUARES ... have ye ever been DIZZY(!)? / Ah, so DIZZY(!) you didn't care about no square shit[3], and, believe me ... deep in your consciousness ness ... there's a real YOU(!)[3], and I'll take you down ...[3], and a-ROUND now, freak(s) ... you'll be born again / and that's my personal guarantee[3], and you don't know joy, yet[3], and just look at all the lovely mystic kooks! - they're not miserable slaves, oh, they're so FREE[3], and ... be like them![3], and, spinner(s) ... we're heading beyond the THREE / Yeah, one of these spins ...[3], and I'll get me guitar ...[3], and, man, you just know ... I have those magical three chords and the TRUTH(!)[3], and, uh, if I hate you ... don't you get too close![3], and maybe I'll find you ...[3], and remember: I am the world's forgotten boy, the one who searches and destroys![3], and

And here I am ... large as life![1], and I've got more than two brain cells to rub together ... / and I'm sure that makes me a dangerous man, man![1], and here I am ... large as life![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it's only harmless fun, sir/madam - !!![1], and I've got more than two brain cells to rub together ... / and I'm sure that makes me a dangerous man, man![2], and, uh ... having fun as usual[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it's only harmless fun, sir/madam - !!![2], and, yes ... I'm guilty of wanting to live in the twenty-first century / Is that such a terrible crime?[1], and, uh ... having fun as usual[2], and, Jesus ... don't take me to no 1950s, please![1], and, yes ... I'm guilty of wanting to live in the twenty-first century / Is that such a terrible crime?[2], and it's a beautiful life ... if you can live it without sick ideology, you dig?[1], and, Jesus ... don't take me to no 1950s, please![2], and who judges the judges? 'Er ... halfwits?'[1], and it's a beautiful life ... if you can live it without sick ideology, you dig?[2], and SQUARES ... have ye ever been DIZZY(!)? / Ah, so DIZZY(!) you didn't care about no square shit[1], and who judges the judges? 'Er ... halfwits?'[2], and, believe me ... deep in your consciousness ness ... there's a real YOU(!)[1], and SQUARES ... have ye ever been DIZZY(!)? / Ah, so DIZZY(!) you didn't care about no square shit[2], and I'll take you down ...[1], and, believe me ... deep in your consciousness ness ... there's a real YOU(!)[2], and a-ROUND now, freak(s) ... you'll be born again / and that's my personal guarantee[1], and I'll take you down ...[2], and you don't know joy, yet[1], and a-ROUND now, freak(s) ... you'll be born again / and that's my personal guarantee[2], and just look at all the lovely mystic kooks! - they're not miserable slaves, oh, they're so FREE[1], and you don't know joy, yet[2], and ... be like them![1], and just look at all the lovely mystic kooks! - they're not miserable slaves, oh, they're so FREE[2], and, spinner(s) ... we're heading beyond the THREE / Yeah, one of these spins ...[1], and ... be like them![2], and I'll get me guitar ...[1], and, spinner(s) ... we're heading beyond the THREE / Yeah, one of these spins ...[2], and, man, you just know ... I have those magical three chords and the TRUTH(!)[1], and I'll get me guitar ...[2], and, uh, if I hate you ... don't you get too close![1], and, man, you just know ... I have those magical three chords and the TRUTH(!)[2], and maybe I'll find you ...[1], and, uh, if I hate you ... don't you get too close![2], and remember: I am the world's forgotten boy, the one who searches and destroys![1], and maybe I'll find you ...[2], and here I am ... large as life![3], and remember: I am the world's forgotten boy, the one who searches and destroys![2], and I've got more than two brain cells to rub together ... / and I'm sure that makes me a dangerous man, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it's only harmless fun, sir/madam - !!![3], and, uh ... having fun as usual[3], and, yes ... I'm guilty of wanting to live in the twenty-first century / Is that such a terrible crime?[3], and, Jesus ... don't take me to no 1950s, please![3], and it's a beautiful life ... if you can live it without sick ideology, you dig?[3], and who judges the judges? 'Er ... halfwits?'[3], and SQUARES ... have ye ever been DIZZY(!)? / Ah, so DIZZY(!) you didn't care about no square shit[3], and, believe me ... deep in your consciousness ness ... there's a real YOU(!)[3], and I'll take you down ...[3], and a-ROUND now, freak(s) ... you'll be born again / and that's my personal guarantee[3], and you don't know joy, yet[3], and just look at all the lovely mystic kooks! - they're not miserable slaves, oh, they're so FREE[3], and ... be like them![3], and, spinner(s) ... we're heading beyond the THREE / Yeah, one of these spins ...[3], and I'll get me guitar ...[3], and, man, you just know ... I have those magical three chords and the TRUTH(!)[3], and, uh, if I hate you ... don't you get too close![3], and maybe I'll find you ...[3], and remember: I am the world's forgotten boy, the one who searches and destroys![3], and

And here I am ... large as life![1], and I've got more than two brain cells to rub together ... / and I'm sure that makes me a dangerous man, man![1], and here I am ... large as life![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it's only harmless fun, sir/madam - !!![1], and I've got more than two brain cells to rub together ... / and I'm sure that makes me a dangerous man, man![2], and, uh ... having fun as usual[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it's only harmless fun, sir/madam - !!![2], and, yes ... I'm guilty of wanting to live in the twenty-first century / Is that such a terrible crime?[1], and, uh ... having fun as usual[2], and, Jesus ... don't take me to no 1950s, please![1], and, yes ... I'm guilty of wanting to live in the twenty-first century / Is that such a terrible crime?[2], and it's a beautiful life ... if you can live it without sick ideology, you dig?[1], and, Jesus ... don't take me to no 1950s, please![2], and who judges the judges? 'Er ... halfwits?'[1], and it's a beautiful life ... if you can live it without sick ideology, you dig?[2], and SQUARES ... have ye ever been DIZZY(!)? / Ah, so DIZZY(!) you didn't care about no square shit[1], and who judges the judges? 'Er ... halfwits?'[2], and, believe me ... deep in your consciousness ness ... there's a real YOU(!)[1], and SQUARES ... have ye ever been DIZZY(!)? / Ah, so DIZZY(!) you didn't care about no square shit[2], and I'll take you down ...[1], and, believe me ... deep in your consciousness ness ... there's a real YOU(!)[2], and a-ROUND now, freak(s) ... you'll be born again / and that's my personal guarantee[1], and I'll take you down ...[2], and you don't know joy, yet[1], and a-ROUND now, freak(s) ... you'll be born again / and that's my personal guarantee[2], and just look at all the lovely mystic kooks! - they're not miserable slaves, oh, they're so FREE[1], and you don't know joy, yet[2], and ... be like them![1], and just look at all the lovely mystic kooks! - they're not miserable slaves, oh, they're so FREE[2], and, spinner(s) ... we're heading beyond the THREE / Yeah, one of these spins ...[1], and ... be like them![2], and I'll get me guitar ...[1], and, spinner(s) ... we're heading beyond the THREE / Yeah, one of these spins ...[2], and, man, you just know ... I have those magical three chords and the TRUTH(!)[1], and I'll get me guitar ...[2], and, uh, if I hate you ... don't you get too close![1], and, man, you just know ... I have those magical three chords and the TRUTH(!)[2], and maybe I'll find you ...[1], and, uh, if I hate you ... don't you get too close![2], and remember: I am the world's forgotten boy, the one who searches and destroys![1], and maybe I'll find you ...[2], and here I am ... large as life![3], and remember: I am the world's forgotten boy, the one who searches and destroys![2], and I've got more than two brain cells to rub together ... / and I'm sure that makes me a dangerous man, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... it's only harmless fun, sir/madam - !!![3], and, uh ... having fun as usual[3], and, yes ... I'm guilty of wanting to live in the twenty-first century / Is that such a terrible crime?[3], and, Jesus ... don't take me to no 1950s, please![3], and it's a beautiful life ... if you can live it without sick ideology, you dig?[3], and who judges the judges? 'Er ... halfwits?'[3], and SQUARES ... have ye ever been DIZZY(!)? / Ah, so DIZZY(!) you didn't care about no square shit[3], and, believe me ... deep in your consciousness ness ... there's a real YOU(!)[3], and I'll take you down ...[3], and a-ROUND now, freak(s) ... you'll be born again / and that's my personal guarantee[3], and you don't know joy, yet[3], and just look at all the lovely mystic kooks! - they're not miserable slaves, oh, they're so FREE[3], and ... be like them![3], and, spinner(s) ... we're heading beyond the THREE / Yeah, one of these spins ...[3], and I'll get me guitar ...[3], and, man, you just know ... I have those magical three chords and the TRUTH(!)[3], and, uh, if I hate you ... don't you get too close![3], and maybe I'll find you ...[3], and remember: I am the world's forgotten boy, the one who searches and destroys![3], and

Nick Rusling, Alan Macdonald, Ian Wiese, and Oliver Bartholomew

Four guys. Just four guys. 'Four guys, boss?' Yes, Voice, four guys. 'So?' Well ... they've all got jobs. 'You mean to say these four guys have all got jobs?!' That's exactly what I'm saying, man. Nick Rusling, Alan Macdonald, Ian Wiese, and Oliver Bartholomew ... all great guys. I take my hat off to them!

Well, in other news - 'Hang on a minute, Mikey! Who are these guys? Seriously.' You mean you want to know more about them, beyond their names? 'Yes.' Okay. It's your funeral. Nick, Alan, Ian, and Ollie have all just been hired by Investec in London. 'Ah, it's all starting to make sense now.' Is it?! Ian and Ollie already worked there! So ... 'Eh?! Well ... all right. What jobs are they doing?' Oh, I don't know, man. Finance jobs, finance work. It's Investec, ain't it?

Finance. Unless they're working in the staff canteen, of course. 'Frying the chips, like?' Yeah. 'Or frying the different fish?' Yes, that's a good one, Voice. I like that. 'Seriously though ... what are they doing?' Jesus H. Christ! Does it matter?! If you really need to know, they're working in the fund finance unit. 'Great! That's all I wanted to know, and all the readers wanted to know. Why couldn't you just say that, boss? It's like getting blood out of a stone with you.' Shut up, Voice! There are more important things going on in the world ...

Like Brexit! 'Oh God. Not Brexit!' The situation is getting worse, reader(s). May the Merciless is in India at the moment. She don't want no more immigration, but they do. 'Oh dear.' How is she going to do a trade deal with them? And what's wrong with trading with the block of European nations on our doorstep? 'And now she's taking the side of the tabloids against the enemies of the people, boss.' I know! It's ridiculous. When was the last time that pictures of judges were plastered all over the front page of a newspaper with the headline Enemies of the people - ? 'Ha! You'll probably have to go back to Germany in the 1930s.' Ha! Bloody hell! No thanks, man.

When doves cry

Yes, dear reader(s), it's the Thursday morning PR email, back by popular demand. 'When doves cry, boss? It sounds like a song.' It is a song, Voice. But ...

When doves cry: where to next for steepening yield curves? By Antoine Lesne, Head of SPDR ETF Research & Strategy EMEA.

Right, here we go -

Most developed market yield curves have suffered bear steepening over the past few weeks, despite quantitative easing (QE). This has been largely due to a less dovish US Federal Reserve (Fed), a change in the Bank of Japan's policy, the risk of tapering by the European Central Bank (ECB), and the return of inflation (albeit still mild).

You see? 'Er ... I see "dovish". I don't see "when doves cry", man.' Christ! Some people are never happy!

Recent studies have shown that performance of risk assets has been primarily driven by central banks' actions. Meanwhile, in 2016, duration has been the driver of portfolio growth. So as the 'doves cry', the curves may steepen and duration risk must be controlled.

You see? 'Yeah, uh ... "doves cry", boss. I'll be honest with you, this all seems a bit desperate.' Ha! Well, don't blame me. Blame the PR firm, or that Antoine Lesne character. Yeah, blame him. 'Okay.' / Well, here's the rest of it -

This started in early September with the traditionally dovish Fed board member Rosengren calling for a rate hike in the US sooner rather than later. Meanwhile, the ECB's potential taper talks made the headlines as the threat of deflation seems to be fading away, and that the ECB could be running short of paper to buy before March 2017.

Markets are watching the next trail of events, notwithstanding the US elections and the December Fed and ECB meetings; this could help keep a lid on 10-year yields, but recent economic and inflation figures may give room for a further steepening of the curves.

We don't believe the Fed will announce a change on 2 November, and therefore focus on the December meeting instead. Would a hike mean a remake of early 2016? If so the increase in bond yields could soon run out of steam.

Ha! The US election. We won't need to worry about any of this if Trump gets in. 'Why not?' Well, a nuclear war, Voice. The end of civilization. Those of us who survive will just be crawling around in the atomic dust.

...

Anything else? Well, it's the end of the week. Uh, I don't know. Music? I'm listening to David Bowie's Young Americans. How many recording artists are as brave as Bowie these days? To suddenly switch from a run of weird rock albums to mainstream soul, and then two years later to record an album of avant-garde electronic music. 'It's crazy, boss.' Yes. Even Kanye West isn't that wild.

My music? [Jesus! I don't do updates no more!!!] I might record my songs over the next few days - if I feel like it - before the fresh strings go off. I've got to be in a positive mood though. 'Are you going to do something weird and new like Bowie, Mikey?' No. 'Oh. Shame.' Shut up! Everything's be done, man. I mean, look at Radiohead. They're just wasting their time. Anything they do now will just be a variation on Pink Floyd. No, if popular music has a future ... there's only one way forward: to write the best songs ever. I mean, better than any classics from the past, you dig? Trying to create something "new" is a mug's game.*

Well, that's what I reckon, anyway. Laters.


*Except in literature, of course, where I managed to invent conceptual literature. (It was the natural and obvious[?] move after Duchamp in art, if anyone had the balls to make it - only me!) However, this should be the last ever development.

[No. 461] Joy!

"When the sound and wholesome nature of man acts as an entirety, when he feels himself in the world as in a grand, beautiful, worthy and worthwhile whole, when this harmonious comfort affords him a pure, untrammelled delight: then the universe, if it could be sensible of itself, would shout for joy at having attained its goal and wonder at the pinnacle of its own essence and evolution. For what end is served by all the expenditure of suns and planets and moons, of stars and Milky Ways, of comets and nebula, of worlds evolving and passing away, if at last a happy man does not involuntarily rejoice in his existence?" - Goethe

And ... again - ?! YES![1], and, uh ... one more conceptual, one more dose of joy, forever![1], and ... again - ?! YES![2], and our sun is shining! / Ah, beautiful winter sun![1], and, uh ... one more conceptual, one more dose of joy, forever![2], and NOW(!) is the time for getting a-ROUND / yes, I truly believe / and there is a beyond ... the THREE[1], and our sun is shining! / Ah, beautiful winter sun![2], and I can see all the other suns, too[1], and NOW(!) is the time for getting a-ROUND / yes, I truly believe / and there is a beyond ... the THREE[2], and ... / my mind, my mouth ... I can't control![1], and I can see all the other suns, too[2], and useless words are ... a cosmic extravaganza in my soul / and I'm rolling on the floor with foam[1], and ... / my mind, my mouth ... I can't control![2], and sounds, electric ...[1], and useless words are ... a cosmic extravaganza in my soul / and I'm rolling on the floor with foam[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We might get the two trillion galaxies in our heads![1], and sounds, electric ...[2], and my fizzing mystic eyes? / Oh, here ... is looking at you, kook![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We might get the two trillion galaxies in our heads![2], and faster![1], and my fizzing mystic eyes? / Oh, here ... is looking at you, kook![2], and we must explore all realities - at any cost![1], and faster![2], and we can forget, if we want to, all the filth of the cold world, all the phoneys, the insiders, the scum[1], and we must explore all realities - at any cost![2], and this ... is our NEW WORLD[1], and we can forget, if we want to, all the filth of the cold world, all the phoneys, the insiders, the scum[2], and it's certainly worthwhile - without them in our consciousness nesses[1], and this ... is our NEW WORLD[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / The fools don't even know what we've got[1], and it's certainly worthwhile - without them in our consciousness nesses[2], and this ... is our REVENGE!!![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / The fools don't even know what we've got[2], and take something of theirs, something "serious", and spin it into shit[1], and this ... is our REVENGE!!![2], and it's a joy ... they will never know[1], and take something of theirs, something "serious", and spin it into shit[2], and, squares ... are YOU(!) ... 'Ha! Ha! Ha!' ... coming with me? / No, no, no[1], and it's a joy ... they will never know[2], and ... a-ROUND, again![1], and, squares ... are YOU(!) ... 'Ha! Ha! Ha!' ... coming with me? / No, no, no[2], and ... again - ?! YES![3], and ... a-ROUND, again![2], and, uh ... one more conceptual, one more dose of joy, forever![3], and our sun is shining! / Ah, beautiful winter sun![3], and NOW(!) is the time for getting a-ROUND / yes, I truly believe / and there is a beyond ... the THREE[3], and I can see all the other suns, too[3], and ... / my mind, my mouth ... I can't control![3], and useless words are ... a cosmic extravaganza in my soul / and I'm rolling on the floor with foam[3], and sounds, electric ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We might get the two trillion galaxies in our heads![3], and my fizzing mystic eyes? / Oh, here ... is looking at you, kook![3], and faster![3], and we must explore all realities - at any cost![3], and we can forget, if we want to, all the filth of the cold world, all the phoneys, the insiders, the scum[3], and this ... is our NEW WORLD[3], and it's certainly worthwhile - without them in our consciousness nesses[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / The fools don't even know what we've got[3], and this ... is our REVENGE!!![3], and take something of theirs, something "serious", and spin it into shit[3], and it's a joy ... they will never know[3], and, squares ... are YOU(!) ... 'Ha! Ha! Ha!' ... coming with me? / No, no, no[3], and ... a-ROUND, again![3], and

And ... again - ?! YES![1], and, uh ... one more conceptual, one more dose of joy, forever![1], and ... again - ?! YES![2], and our sun is shining! / Ah, beautiful winter sun![1], and, uh ... one more conceptual, one more dose of joy, forever![2], and NOW(!) is the time for getting a-ROUND / yes, I truly believe / and there is a beyond ... the THREE[1], and our sun is shining! / Ah, beautiful winter sun![2], and I can see all the other suns, too[1], and NOW(!) is the time for getting a-ROUND / yes, I truly believe / and there is a beyond ... the THREE[2], and ... / my mind, my mouth ... I can't control![1], and I can see all the other suns, too[2], and useless words are ... a cosmic extravaganza in my soul / and I'm rolling on the floor with foam[1], and ... / my mind, my mouth ... I can't control![2], and sounds, electric ...[1], and useless words are ... a cosmic extravaganza in my soul / and I'm rolling on the floor with foam[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We might get the two trillion galaxies in our heads![1], and sounds, electric ...[2], and my fizzing mystic eyes? / Oh, here ... is looking at you, kook![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We might get the two trillion galaxies in our heads![2], and faster![1], and my fizzing mystic eyes? / Oh, here ... is looking at you, kook![2], and we must explore all realities - at any cost![1], and faster![2], and we can forget, if we want to, all the filth of the cold world, all the phoneys, the insiders, the scum[1], and we must explore all realities - at any cost![2], and this ... is our NEW WORLD[1], and we can forget, if we want to, all the filth of the cold world, all the phoneys, the insiders, the scum[2], and it's certainly worthwhile - without them in our consciousness nesses[1], and this ... is our NEW WORLD[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / The fools don't even know what we've got[1], and it's certainly worthwhile - without them in our consciousness nesses[2], and this ... is our REVENGE!!![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / The fools don't even know what we've got[2], and take something of theirs, something "serious", and spin it into shit[1], and this ... is our REVENGE!!![2], and it's a joy ... they will never know[1], and take something of theirs, something "serious", and spin it into shit[2], and, squares ... are YOU(!) ... 'Ha! Ha! Ha!' ... coming with me? / No, no, no[1], and it's a joy ... they will never know[2], and ... a-ROUND, again![1], and, squares ... are YOU(!) ... 'Ha! Ha! Ha!' ... coming with me? / No, no, no[2], and ... again - ?! YES![3], and ... a-ROUND, again![2], and, uh ... one more conceptual, one more dose of joy, forever![3], and our sun is shining! / Ah, beautiful winter sun![3], and NOW(!) is the time for getting a-ROUND / yes, I truly believe / and there is a beyond ... the THREE[3], and I can see all the other suns, too[3], and ... / my mind, my mouth ... I can't control![3], and useless words are ... a cosmic extravaganza in my soul / and I'm rolling on the floor with foam[3], and sounds, electric ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We might get the two trillion galaxies in our heads![3], and my fizzing mystic eyes? / Oh, here ... is looking at you, kook![3], and faster![3], and we must explore all realities - at any cost![3], and we can forget, if we want to, all the filth of the cold world, all the phoneys, the insiders, the scum[3], and this ... is our NEW WORLD[3], and it's certainly worthwhile - without them in our consciousness nesses[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / The fools don't even know what we've got[3], and this ... is our REVENGE!!![3], and take something of theirs, something "serious", and spin it into shit[3], and it's a joy ... they will never know[3], and, squares ... are YOU(!) ... 'Ha! Ha! Ha!' ... coming with me? / No, no, no[3], and ... a-ROUND, again![3], and

And ... again - ?! YES![1], and, uh ... one more conceptual, one more dose of joy, forever![1], and ... again - ?! YES![2], and our sun is shining! / Ah, beautiful winter sun![1], and, uh ... one more conceptual, one more dose of joy, forever![2], and NOW(!) is the time for getting a-ROUND / yes, I truly believe / and there is a beyond ... the THREE[1], and our sun is shining! / Ah, beautiful winter sun![2], and I can see all the other suns, too[1], and NOW(!) is the time for getting a-ROUND / yes, I truly believe / and there is a beyond ... the THREE[2], and ... / my mind, my mouth ... I can't control![1], and I can see all the other suns, too[2], and useless words are ... a cosmic extravaganza in my soul / and I'm rolling on the floor with foam[1], and ... / my mind, my mouth ... I can't control![2], and sounds, electric ...[1], and useless words are ... a cosmic extravaganza in my soul / and I'm rolling on the floor with foam[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We might get the two trillion galaxies in our heads![1], and sounds, electric ...[2], and my fizzing mystic eyes? / Oh, here ... is looking at you, kook![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We might get the two trillion galaxies in our heads![2], and faster![1], and my fizzing mystic eyes? / Oh, here ... is looking at you, kook![2], and we must explore all realities - at any cost![1], and faster![2], and we can forget, if we want to, all the filth of the cold world, all the phoneys, the insiders, the scum[1], and we must explore all realities - at any cost![2], and this ... is our NEW WORLD[1], and we can forget, if we want to, all the filth of the cold world, all the phoneys, the insiders, the scum[2], and it's certainly worthwhile - without them in our consciousness nesses[1], and this ... is our NEW WORLD[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / The fools don't even know what we've got[1], and it's certainly worthwhile - without them in our consciousness nesses[2], and this ... is our REVENGE!!![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / The fools don't even know what we've got[2], and take something of theirs, something "serious", and spin it into shit[1], and this ... is our REVENGE!!![2], and it's a joy ... they will never know[1], and take something of theirs, something "serious", and spin it into shit[2], and, squares ... are YOU(!) ... 'Ha! Ha! Ha!' ... coming with me? / No, no, no[1], and it's a joy ... they will never know[2], and ... a-ROUND, again![1], and, squares ... are YOU(!) ... 'Ha! Ha! Ha!' ... coming with me? / No, no, no[2], and ... again - ?! YES![3], and ... a-ROUND, again![2], and, uh ... one more conceptual, one more dose of joy, forever![3], and our sun is shining! / Ah, beautiful winter sun![3], and NOW(!) is the time for getting a-ROUND / yes, I truly believe / and there is a beyond ... the THREE[3], and I can see all the other suns, too[3], and ... / my mind, my mouth ... I can't control![3], and useless words are ... a cosmic extravaganza in my soul / and I'm rolling on the floor with foam[3], and sounds, electric ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / We might get the two trillion galaxies in our heads![3], and my fizzing mystic eyes? / Oh, here ... is looking at you, kook![3], and faster![3], and we must explore all realities - at any cost![3], and we can forget, if we want to, all the filth of the cold world, all the phoneys, the insiders, the scum[3], and this ... is our NEW WORLD[3], and it's certainly worthwhile - without them in our consciousness nesses[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / The fools don't even know what we've got[3], and this ... is our REVENGE!!![3], and take something of theirs, something "serious", and spin it into shit[3], and it's a joy ... they will never know[3], and, squares ... are YOU(!) ... 'Ha! Ha! Ha!' ... coming with me? / No, no, no[3], and ... a-ROUND, again![3], and

M&A activity among small IFA firms is set to soar!

Right, dear reader(s), it's the Wednesday morning PR email, from Investec, back by popular demand. 'Wednesday morning, boss?' Yes, Voice, Wednesday morning. Back by popular demand. Christ! You got a problem with that? 'Oh, no.' Good.

M&A activity among small IFA firms is set to increase over the next two years, according to the majority (55%) of advisers polled by Investec Wealth & Investment. Over a third (37%) forecasts a rise in M&A among larger firms too as the industry continues to consolidate at pace. The main driver behind this, according to 42% of respondents, is owners looking to sell their businesses in order to retire or semi-retire. With almost a third (30%) of advisers planning to sell their business entirely on retirement, the research suggests there will be a steady stream of new firms coming on to the market over the coming years.

Brexit, probably. People want to retire and get as far away from the shitshow as they possibly can. I don't blame them.

According to advisers, the second and third key factors behind the rise in M&A are the role of technology in creating more efficient business models (34%) and the evolving regulatory landscape (33%) respectively. Advisers said the biggest factor influencing their decision on which firm they would sell to is ensuring they would maintain a high level of client service. This was followed by securing the best financial return and the possibility of remaining involved in their firm on a semi-retired basis.

Yeah, robots. My uncle has got a robot dog now that is putting real pets out of work. It's a fucking disgrace!

Mark Stevens, Head of Intermediary Services, Investec Wealth & Investment, said, "M&A in the IFA sector will continue apace over the next few years as advisers belonging to the baby boomer generation will be looking to hang up their boots. When you add the impact of new and more complex regulation and better technology you have an ideal environment for consolidation. In our experience M&A activity inevitably leads businesses to conduct a thorough review of their business operations and this often results in a decision to outsource the investment management process to a reputable specialist with the expertise and scale required to provide a high quality service to an expanded client book."

Okay, okay. Expanded client book. Nice. I get it. I understand. It's all right for some, ain't it?

...

Anything else? Well, in other Brexit news, Tim Martin, the boss of Wetherspoons, is moaning about "bullying" from EU leaders. 'Ha!' What did he expect, man? They're going to look after their own interests now. And why shouldn't they? 'Maybe they've finally had it with all the abuse, boss, the EU lot.' Yeah, maybe. / I suppose Tim is upset about the rising cost of imported beers and wines. He should have thought of that before. 'At least he's got his sovereignty now.' Ha! Don't make me laugh, Voice. This country belongs to the Queen, the aristocracy, the Establishment. Sovereignty shouldn't mean shit to your Average Joe, but ... I don't know. I'll never understand people. Oh, I never will.

$895 million for Kainos Capital Partners II - !!!

Wow! 'Yippee!' That's not bad, dear reader(s), not bad at all. Kainos Capital has raised $895 million for its second fund, an oversubscribed fund. 'Food! Glorious food!' Yes, er, they want to invest in food, apparently. Only one problem ... 'Christ! What's that, boss? Can't you be happy for them? What's the bloody problem?!' Well, why didn't they go for the cool billion? 'They don't need a cool billion!' Oh. Why not, Voice? What are they scared of? Life is for living, man. You've got to make the most of every opportunity.

So, anyway, Kainos Capital, from Texas ...

Kainos Capital, a middle market private equity firm focused on the food and consumer sector, was recently formed by Andrew Rosen, Robert Sperry and Sarah Ashmore Bradley. The Kainos Partners have invested and collaborated together in the food and consumer space over the past 20 years and their deep industry knowledge is complimented by an experienced team of investment professionals. The Kainos Team has extensive investment and operating experience in the industry, having invested more than $2 billion of equity in more than 52 transactions in the food and consumer sector with a total transaction value in excess of $7.9 billion. We believe that this makes us one of the most experienced private equity teams in the sector. We seek to partner with great management teams and leverage our deep consumer industry relationships and operational expertise to build and grow businesses of strategic value. As a result of our sector focus and experience, we believe we enjoy a reputation as an "investor of choice" in the food and consumer industry.

Well, okay. Sounds all right. 'Is that from Bloomberg?' Ha! What do you think? Seriously. No, it's from their website.

I'm not even having a go at them, really. $895 million is a lot of money. However, $105 million ain't a lot of money, so ... 'It is a lot of money.' Well, to me it is, Voice. But to them ...

Never mind. Let's not go on about it, eh? I woke up in a reasonably positive mood this morning. I just hope they're happy, that's all. 'I should think they are, Mikey.' Maybe.

A billion would be very nice though.

...

Anything else? Music? Let's rock! Or pop. I'm listening to The Very Best of Mott the Hoople. / David Bowie shouldn't have given them All the Young Dudes. If he had've saved it for himself, he would have been as big in 1972/73 as he was in 1983. / Roll Away the Stone is probably the best of their own songs. But ... / I've just listened to Honaloochie Boogie for the first time ... and I'm very impressed. It sounds like it should have been used in the film Velvet Goldmine. (I don't think it was.)