What's going on at Bridgewater Associates now?

Well ... all sorts of things, I suppose. I mean, Ray Dalio doesn't want to be the co-chief executive any more, but he still wants to be co-chief investment officer and co-chairman. 'Ha! all this "co" stuff, boss.' Yes, Voice, there's an awful lot of "co" stuff at Bridgewater. They've got co-post boys and co-tea ladies, and co-everything, basically. 'Maybe Ray doesn't trust anyone to do their job properly.' What, even himself?! 'Maybe he has problems.' You have problems, son, I tell you. Or you will have.

Anyway, David McCormick and Eileen Murray are (or will be, as it were, or as it is, soon to be, was) co-chief executives now. 'Who's making the tea, boss?' I have no idea, man. Maybe they all drink coffee. It's not important.

Uh ... / Anyway, apparently ... there's a high turnover of staff at Bridgewater. 'Most don't make it through basic training. That's what I've heard. It's like the SAS or Navy Seals or something.' Ha! I'm sure it's not that bad, Voice. / However, Mr Dalio is a strange guy. And it's his way or the highway.

We all have our ways though. Look at the Voice. No body. He just floats around all the time, mainly on the astral plane. What kind of fucking life is that?! 'Er, I enjoy it, Mikey. Live and let live, yeah? Kooks in glass houses and all that.' All right.

...

Anything else, dear reader(s)? Music? I wrote a new tune last night, which should lead to something. Early days yet. It probably won't make the new demo in time. (Unless I add it later on, as a fifth song.) But it could be my best melody. (The jury of my mind is still out on that one, you dig? 'Eh?!' Exactly!) My melodies are getting better all the time, man. 'Great!' Yeah.

What am I listening to? The Masterplan by Oasis. An album of very good B-sides. Only a couple of weak songs on it. I really like Rockin' Chair. 'What?! You've got a rocking chair now?!' It's a song, you cretin! 'Oh.' Ha!

Well ... laters, yeah?

[No. 494] Some cats ...

Fun, fun, fun!

And here ... we are, again![1], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[1], and here ... we are, again![2], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[1], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[2], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![1], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[1], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![2], and ... Christ![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[2], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[1], and ... Christ![2], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[1], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[2], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[1], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[2], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[1], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[2], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[1], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[2], and wave it goodbye now, sad[1], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[2], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[1], and wave it goodbye now, sad[2], and experts at spinning ...[1], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[2], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[1], and experts at spinning ...[2], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![1], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[2], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[1], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![2], and I get so angry[1], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[2], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[1], and I get so angry[2], and, ha![1], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[2], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[1], and, ha![2], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[1], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[2], and here ... we are, again![3], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[2], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[3], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[3], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[3], and ... Christ![3], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[3], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[3], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[3], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[3], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[3], and wave it goodbye now, sad[3], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[3], and experts at spinning ...[3], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[3], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![3], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[3], and I get so angry[3], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[3], and, ha![3], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[3], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[3], and

And here ... we are, again![1], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[1], and here ... we are, again![2], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[1], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[2], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![1], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[1], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![2], and ... Christ![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[2], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[1], and ... Christ![2], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[1], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[2], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[1], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[2], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[1], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[2], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[1], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[2], and wave it goodbye now, sad[1], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[2], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[1], and wave it goodbye now, sad[2], and experts at spinning ...[1], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[2], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[1], and experts at spinning ...[2], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![1], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[2], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[1], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![2], and I get so angry[1], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[2], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[1], and I get so angry[2], and, ha![1], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[2], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[1], and, ha![2], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[1], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[2], and here ... we are, again![3], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[2], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[3], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[3], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[3], and ... Christ![3], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[3], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[3], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[3], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[3], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[3], and wave it goodbye now, sad[3], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[3], and experts at spinning ...[3], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[3], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![3], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[3], and I get so angry[3], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[3], and, ha![3], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[3], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[3], and

And here ... we are, again![1], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[1], and here ... we are, again![2], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[1], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[2], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![1], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[1], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![2], and ... Christ![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[2], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[1], and ... Christ![2], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[1], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[2], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[1], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[2], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[1], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[2], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[1], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[2], and wave it goodbye now, sad[1], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[2], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[1], and wave it goodbye now, sad[2], and experts at spinning ...[1], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[2], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[1], and experts at spinning ...[2], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![1], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[2], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[1], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![2], and I get so angry[1], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[2], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[1], and I get so angry[2], and, ha![1], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[2], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[1], and, ha![2], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[1], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[2], and here ... we are, again![3], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[2], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[3], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[3], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[3], and ... Christ![3], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[3], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[3], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[3], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[3], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[3], and wave it goodbye now, sad[3], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[3], and experts at spinning ...[3], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[3], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![3], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[3], and I get so angry[3], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[3], and, ha![3], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[3], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[3], and

The risk of investing in listed private equity is lower than perceived by investors ...

Well, that's what Edison reckons, anyway ... in Monday morning's PR email, though I received it last week. 'Ha!' It's not investment advice, of course. They're just saying, that's all.

Edison, founded in 2003, is a strategic advisory and investment research company. We service nearly 500 corporate clients with Investor Relations, Investment Research and Strategic Consulting from our offices in North America, Europe and Asia. Edison's renowned international investment research platform enables us to provide a highly differentiated approach to strategic advisory work based on deep multi-sector knowledge and extensive networks of investors, advisors and companies.

You see, dear reader(s)? Edison. They do research. A bit like my intern, the Voice. Only he's fucking useless. 'That's a bit harsh, boss. I try my best.' Sure you do.

Edison, the investment research and advisory company, issues its latest report on Listed Private Equity (LPE) which finds that the sector displays a similar risk-reward profile to major equity indices, US real estate investment trusts (REITS) as well as other equity classes over the longer term. LPE also continues to trade at a 14% discount to NAV despite achieving double-digit annual returns over the last five years. Despite these findings, public market investors still tend to treat LPE with caution, citing leverage and investment commitments, lack of disclosure, high valuations and discount volatility as issues.

Ah, this report. It's probably really interesting, dear reader(s), but I haven't actually read it. 'You don't need to read it, boss. You've read the PR email.' Yeah, that's the way I look at it, man.

The view that LPE is considered more risky than other equity-like comparables, Edison believes, stems largely from the sector's performance during the financial crisis which is still prominent in investors' memories. The perception appears at odds with the strong recent performance of the LPE sector which has generated strong average annual total share prices returns over the past five years of close to 19% while NAV returns have been close to 10% with very low volatility. In addition, the long term risk-reward profile which notably includes the financial crisis years and does not differ significantly from that for the major equity indices.

Yes, investors' memories. They're probably like elephants or something. 'Big.' What?! 'Are the investors really big, boss? And grey?' Shut up, you idiot!

Right, there's a lot more about this report. (Some of these emails really go on, you, know?) I'm just going to finish with Rob Murphy. 'Who?!' Rob Murphy. 'Who the hell is Rob Murphy when he's at home?!' Christ! Not that it's any of your business, Voice, but Rob Murphy just happens to be an analyst at Edison. He has ideas about things. He likes to give his opinion. And, personally, I think we should give him a chance to talk. 'Oh, okay.' Take it away, Rob, mate -

Rob Murphy, analyst at Edison Investment Research says: "We have seen that LPE has delivered competitive returns compared to equity indices and closed-end structures like US REITs both recently as well as over very long time periods and there is good reason for optimism regarding the perception of LPE moving forward. The fact that the sector is trading at a meaningful discount reduces valuation risk compared to equity markets in general. The less flattering risk-return profile of the last 10 years will arithmetically fall out of the comparisons over the next couple of years or so, which should improve the sector's relative attractiveness from an investment consultant's point of view. We believe that the PE model mitigates risk and the resilience of the sector has been demonstrated during difficult times, as evidenced by the low incidence of failed investments during the financial crisis. The PE ownership model itself is relatively unchanged and has proved to be a highly effective and successful vehicle to create value in unlisted companies with tight control over risk and lessons have been learned from past mistakes at the LPE company level. The relatively aggressive leverage and commitment strategies at a few LPE companies are no longer a feature for the sector. This augurs well for the relative performance of LPE in future down cycles, which will inevitably occur, and suggests potential to further improve the average risk: reward profile."

Nice one, son! ‘Well, this Rob goes on a bit, don't he?' Leave him alone, Voice. He's just doing his job. If he only said a few words, Edison might think his heart wasn't in it. 'Maybe he's passionate about his work, boss.' Ha! Let's not get carried away, man.

...

Anything else? Music? I'm listening to The Bends by Radiohead. I really think they should have stuck to recording albums like this, and OK Computer. 'It's amazing how weak their first album is, compared to the two masterpieces that followed, Mikey.' Of course it is! But they got their shit together. That's willpower and commitment for you. Greatness is quite often a choice, you dig?

[No. 493] Trade naturally, without computers

To whom it may concern. Use your brain. Use your soul. Trade in the wind and the rain, yes, and in the sun, all weathers, on the earth, or out there, in the cosmos, but do not use the evil computers.

And, well ... hello, fool![1], and a sha/man speaks, you must listen[1], and, well ... hello, fool![2], and I will help, I suppose ... for a while[1], and a sha/man speaks, you must listen[2], and a-ROUND here ... I will get you DIZZY(!) enough to command you ... / ... and you will obey![1], and I will help, I suppose ... for a while[2], and don't make me ... ANGRY(!!!) - !!! - !!![1], and a-ROUND here ... I will get you DIZZY(!) enough to command you ... / ... and you will obey![2], and I will break the machines ...[1], and don't make me ... ANGRY(!!!) - !!! - !!![2], and I did not suffer in the desert for you, your sins, just so you can sin and sin again - uh, more sins![1], and I will break the machines ...[2], and I am not a bottomless pit of compassion ...[1], and I did not suffer in the desert for you, your sins, just so you can sin and sin again - uh, more sins![2], and a-ROUND you must spin, or ...[1], and I am not a bottomless pit of compassion ...[2], and I will break YOU(!), seriously[1], and a-ROUND you must spin, or ...[2], and I will come for you, take you, put the old blood and fire on you / oh, how would you like them apples?[1], and I will break YOU(!), seriously[2], and algo shit is shit[1], and I will come for you, take you, put the old blood and fire on you / oh, how would you like them apples?[2], and what do you do ... just watch the evil computers trade, like a eunuch?[1], and algo shit is shit[2], and I almost feel sorry for you - if you really are one of the lost[1], and what do you do ... just watch the evil computers trade, like a eunuch?[2], and maybe it's your boss ...[1], and I almost feel sorry for you - if you really are one of the lost[2], and maybe you need to man up, or woman up[1], and maybe it's your boss ...[2], and maybe you should take control[1], and maybe you need to man up, or woman up[2], and I believe you have the character to throw a spanner in the works ...[1], and maybe you should take control[2], and feel, feel, feel ... my power reaching you, making you stronger / and you can be a hero[1], and I believe you have the character to throw a spanner in the works ...[2], and you will break the machines, yes![1], and feel, feel, feel ... my power reaching you, making you stronger / and you can be a hero[2], and, so, so, so ... ha![1], and you will break the machines, yes![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - NOW!!! ... until your consciousness ness ain't diseased no more, man[1], and, so, so, so ... ha![2], and I hope you dig, have dug[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - NOW!!! ... until your consciousness ness ain't diseased no more, man[2], and, well ... hello, fool![3], and I hope you dig, have dug[2], and a sha/man speaks, you must listen[3], and I will help, I suppose ... for a while[3], and a-ROUND here ... I will get you DIZZY(!) enough to command you ... / ... and you will obey![3], and don't make me ... ANGRY(!!!) - !!! - !!![3], and I will break the machines ...[3], and I did not suffer in the desert for you, your sins, just so you can sin and sin again - uh, more sins![3], and I am not a bottomless pit of compassion ...[3], and a-ROUND you must spin, or ...[3], and I will break YOU(!), seriously[3], and I will come for you, take you, put the old blood and fire on you / oh, how would you like them apples?[3], and algo shit is shit[3], and what do you do ... just watch the evil computers trade, like a eunuch?[3], and I almost feel sorry for you - if you really are one of the lost[3], and maybe it's your boss ...[3], and maybe you need to man up, or woman up[3], and maybe you should take control[3], and I believe you have the character to throw a spanner in the works ...[3], and feel, feel, feel ... my power reaching you, making you stronger / and you can be a hero[3], and you will break the machines, yes![3], and, so, so, so ... ha![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - NOW!!! ... until your consciousness ness ain't diseased no more, man[3], and I hope you dig, have dug[3], and

And, well ... hello, fool![1], and a sha/man speaks, you must listen[1], and, well ... hello, fool![2], and I will help, I suppose ... for a while[1], and a sha/man speaks, you must listen[2], and a-ROUND here ... I will get you DIZZY(!) enough to command you ... / ... and you will obey![1], and I will help, I suppose ... for a while[2], and don't make me ... ANGRY(!!!) - !!! - !!![1], and a-ROUND here ... I will get you DIZZY(!) enough to command you ... / ... and you will obey![2], and I will break the machines ...[1], and don't make me ... ANGRY(!!!) - !!! - !!![2], and I did not suffer in the desert for you, your sins, just so you can sin and sin again - uh, more sins![1], and I will break the machines ...[2], and I am not a bottomless pit of compassion ...[1], and I did not suffer in the desert for you, your sins, just so you can sin and sin again - uh, more sins![2], and a-ROUND you must spin, or ...[1], and I am not a bottomless pit of compassion ...[2], and I will break YOU(!), seriously[1], and a-ROUND you must spin, or ...[2], and I will come for you, take you, put the old blood and fire on you / oh, how would you like them apples?[1], and I will break YOU(!), seriously[2], and algo shit is shit[1], and I will come for you, take you, put the old blood and fire on you / oh, how would you like them apples?[2], and what do you do ... just watch the evil computers trade, like a eunuch?[1], and algo shit is shit[2], and I almost feel sorry for you - if you really are one of the lost[1], and what do you do ... just watch the evil computers trade, like a eunuch?[2], and maybe it's your boss ...[1], and I almost feel sorry for you - if you really are one of the lost[2], and maybe you need to man up, or woman up[1], and maybe it's your boss ...[2], and maybe you should take control[1], and maybe you need to man up, or woman up[2], and I believe you have the character to throw a spanner in the works ...[1], and maybe you should take control[2], and feel, feel, feel ... my power reaching you, making you stronger / and you can be a hero[1], and I believe you have the character to throw a spanner in the works ...[2], and you will break the machines, yes![1], and feel, feel, feel ... my power reaching you, making you stronger / and you can be a hero[2], and, so, so, so ... ha![1], and you will break the machines, yes![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - NOW!!! ... until your consciousness ness ain't diseased no more, man[1], and, so, so, so ... ha![2], and I hope you dig, have dug[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - NOW!!! ... until your consciousness ness ain't diseased no more, man[2], and, well ... hello, fool![3], and I hope you dig, have dug[2], and a sha/man speaks, you must listen[3], and I will help, I suppose ... for a while[3], and a-ROUND here ... I will get you DIZZY(!) enough to command you ... / ... and you will obey![3], and don't make me ... ANGRY(!!!) - !!! - !!![3], and I will break the machines ...[3], and I did not suffer in the desert for you, your sins, just so you can sin and sin again - uh, more sins![3], and I am not a bottomless pit of compassion ...[3], and a-ROUND you must spin, or ...[3], and I will break YOU(!), seriously[3], and I will come for you, take you, put the old blood and fire on you / oh, how would you like them apples?[3], and algo shit is shit[3], and what do you do ... just watch the evil computers trade, like a eunuch?[3], and I almost feel sorry for you - if you really are one of the lost[3], and maybe it's your boss ...[3], and maybe you need to man up, or woman up[3], and maybe you should take control[3], and I believe you have the character to throw a spanner in the works ...[3], and feel, feel, feel ... my power reaching you, making you stronger / and you can be a hero[3], and you will break the machines, yes![3], and, so, so, so ... ha![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - NOW!!! ... until your consciousness ness ain't diseased no more, man[3], and I hope you dig, have dug[3], and

And, well ... hello, fool![1], and a sha/man speaks, you must listen[1], and, well ... hello, fool![2], and I will help, I suppose ... for a while[1], and a sha/man speaks, you must listen[2], and a-ROUND here ... I will get you DIZZY(!) enough to command you ... / ... and you will obey![1], and I will help, I suppose ... for a while[2], and don't make me ... ANGRY(!!!) - !!! - !!![1], and a-ROUND here ... I will get you DIZZY(!) enough to command you ... / ... and you will obey![2], and I will break the machines ...[1], and don't make me ... ANGRY(!!!) - !!! - !!![2], and I did not suffer in the desert for you, your sins, just so you can sin and sin again - uh, more sins![1], and I will break the machines ...[2], and I am not a bottomless pit of compassion ...[1], and I did not suffer in the desert for you, your sins, just so you can sin and sin again - uh, more sins![2], and a-ROUND you must spin, or ...[1], and I am not a bottomless pit of compassion ...[2], and I will break YOU(!), seriously[1], and a-ROUND you must spin, or ...[2], and I will come for you, take you, put the old blood and fire on you / oh, how would you like them apples?[1], and I will break YOU(!), seriously[2], and algo shit is shit[1], and I will come for you, take you, put the old blood and fire on you / oh, how would you like them apples?[2], and what do you do ... just watch the evil computers trade, like a eunuch?[1], and algo shit is shit[2], and I almost feel sorry for you - if you really are one of the lost[1], and what do you do ... just watch the evil computers trade, like a eunuch?[2], and maybe it's your boss ...[1], and I almost feel sorry for you - if you really are one of the lost[2], and maybe you need to man up, or woman up[1], and maybe it's your boss ...[2], and maybe you should take control[1], and maybe you need to man up, or woman up[2], and I believe you have the character to throw a spanner in the works ...[1], and maybe you should take control[2], and feel, feel, feel ... my power reaching you, making you stronger / and you can be a hero[1], and I believe you have the character to throw a spanner in the works ...[2], and you will break the machines, yes![1], and feel, feel, feel ... my power reaching you, making you stronger / and you can be a hero[2], and, so, so, so ... ha![1], and you will break the machines, yes![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - NOW!!! ... until your consciousness ness ain't diseased no more, man[1], and, so, so, so ... ha![2], and I hope you dig, have dug[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - NOW!!! ... until your consciousness ness ain't diseased no more, man[2], and, well ... hello, fool![3], and I hope you dig, have dug[2], and a sha/man speaks, you must listen[3], and I will help, I suppose ... for a while[3], and a-ROUND here ... I will get you DIZZY(!) enough to command you ... / ... and you will obey![3], and don't make me ... ANGRY(!!!) - !!! - !!![3], and I will break the machines ...[3], and I did not suffer in the desert for you, your sins, just so you can sin and sin again - uh, more sins![3], and I am not a bottomless pit of compassion ...[3], and a-ROUND you must spin, or ...[3], and I will break YOU(!), seriously[3], and I will come for you, take you, put the old blood and fire on you / oh, how would you like them apples?[3], and algo shit is shit[3], and what do you do ... just watch the evil computers trade, like a eunuch?[3], and I almost feel sorry for you - if you really are one of the lost[3], and maybe it's your boss ...[3], and maybe you need to man up, or woman up[3], and maybe you should take control[3], and I believe you have the character to throw a spanner in the works ...[3], and feel, feel, feel ... my power reaching you, making you stronger / and you can be a hero[3], and you will break the machines, yes![3], and, so, so, so ... ha![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND - NOW!!! ... until your consciousness ness ain't diseased no more, man[3], and I hope you dig, have dug[3], and

Tesi had record-high investment volumes in 2016!

Well, well ... / And, uh, a good operational result. 'Nice!'

Right, my mate Anna has sent me this PR email about Tesi. 'Who?!' Tesi. I think it might be a Finnish firm. 'Oh, of course.' What do we know, Voice? 'Have a look at this, boss -'

Tesi (Finnish Industry Investment Ltd) is a venture capital and private equity investment company that accelerates companies' success stories by investing both in funds and directly in companies. We operate as an active minority owner that possesses business expertise and international networks enabling a company to pursue its growth strategy. Our assets under management amount to €1.1 billion and we have a total of 723 portfolio companies.

That's great, man! 'Success stories!' Yeah. Where did you find it? 'Er ... at the bottom of the email.' Oh. 'It's all there if you look for it.' Well, thank God I've got you, eh? 'Really?' Well ... / Anyway ...

Financial year 2016 was extremely brisk in terms of Tesi's new investments, the activity level of Tesi's international co-investors in Finland as well as in terms of portfolio companies' growth figures. Tesi made new investments amounting to €165m. In addition, Tesi's international partners invested almost €160m in Finnish companies. Direct portfolio companies continued to grow strongly, increasing their net sales by 17% on average. Profit for the financial year was €45m, boosted by favourable market conditions, active portfolio management and numerous exits.

Great ... but we don't live in Finland, do we? 'Some people do, boss. Finnish people. Do you have any readers in Finland?' I don't know. 'Maybe Anna's your reader.' Who?! 'Anna! The bird who sent you the email.' Oh, her. / Let's get on with it. 'Ha!' I'm just wondering what Martin Backman has got to say about all this. 'Wonder no more! -'

President & CEO Martin Backman: "Tesi made investments amounting to €165m during the year. In fund investments, our focus was on international venture capital funds, through which we attract international capital and business management expertise into Finnish companies. We also made a number of commitments to Finnish later-stage growth funds, such as Folmer's and Intera's new funds. We made direct investments in, for instance, Midaxo, Vexve and Touhula. Finnish companies raised a record amount of large international venture capital rounds, which Tesi also participated in. Overall, Tesi's international partners invested almost €160m in Finnish companies in 2016."

Well, they're obviously very proud of the amount they invested. 'They can't stop talking about it!' Yeah. But I can.

There's a lot more, dear reader(s). I'll just finish with the prospects for the firm.

In 2017 Tesi will give high priority in its investment activities to active ownership, internationalization and responsible investment. Fund investments will focus on Finnish venture capital funds and, as in 2016, on Finnish later growth funds. KRR II is expected to be fully invested during 2017. The focus for direct investments will be on the Industrial Renewal and International Co-investors investment programmes. Tesi will continue its cooperation with the EIB and the EIF. This will include channelling financing from the European Fund for Strategic Investments (EFSI) into Finland. Jan Sasse starts as Tesi's President & CEO with effect from 6 March 2017. Good retained earnings from previous financial years give Tesi strong resources for long-term investment operations that promote the growth of Finnish companies.

Okay. Okay. That's enough. I'm just not in the mood. 'What's wrong, Mikey?' I've got things on my mind, man. 'Will there be a conceptual later?' Yes. No. 493. The last post of the week.

Laters.

Matthew Beesley has gone to GAM!!!

Yeah, he ain't at Henderson Global Investors no more. 'Oh dear. Didn't he fancy it no more, boss?' I don't know, Voice. Maybe GAM!!! ... made him an offer he couldn't refuse. It's been known to happen with these firms. 'More money?' It ain't all about the money, son. They've made him the head of equities. It's a new position created just for him in the company's London office. 'Christ! They must really love him or something.' Yes, or something. He's probably an expert. I mean, he should be. Our Matt has nineteen years of investment experience, you know. 'Wow!' Yeah. And he's been at Trinity Steel Asset Management, and JPMorgan Asset Management, and Mercury Asset Management/Merrill Lynch Investment Managers, all before Henderson. 'Wow! Impressive!' Yeah. Big time. And you know what Bloomberg says about him, don't you? 'Oh God. Go on.' Okay -

This person is connected to 1 Board Members in 1 different organizations across 4 different industries.

Ha! 'Jesus H. - ! What a bunch of wasters those Bloomberg lot are! Will they ever change, boss?' I very much doubt they will, Voice. I think they enjoy it, the way they are.

Well, well ... / Obviously, I wish Mr Beesley all the best in his new job. 'You're sure he's going to make a great success of it, aren't you?' I'm absolutely convinced.

Oh, er ... by the way, we should give some credit to Bloomberg. 'Really? Why?!' Well, I've noticed they mention that our Matt was at HGK Asset Management as well. 'Oh.' I haven't seen any other report which mentions that. 'They probably just got lucky, man.' Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. It's still good though. There may be some hope for them.

...

Anything else? Uh, not really. My head is in other places, dear reader(s), you dig? Music, Cornwall. How much longer can I go on writing about these finance guys? I've done my time. The bad karma should have been burnt off by now. 'Ha! At least you've got your conceptual stuff, Mikey. Are you writing one today?' I don't think so, Voice. Today, or tomorrow. 'Or tomorrow.' Yes, or tomorrow. It never stops. It goes on forever. Until ... out, out, brief candle! 'But, but, but ... the eternity of the spinning will remain, surely?!' YES! YES! YES!

Who is Daniel Essoo - ?!

Well, well ... / Yeah, he's just ... some guy who has got a new job at JTC Fund Services, that's all. 'Some cat.' What, Voice? 'I said he's some cat, boss.' Yes, he's a guy or a cat. It doesn't really matter. 'What's the difference?' There is no difference, I think you'll find. Sometimes I say "guy", and sometimes I say "cat". Can we move on? 'Okay.' Thank you.

JTC. Have we heard of JTC before? 'No.' Oh. We have now!

We are JTC, an independent, award-winning provider of fund, corporate and fiduciary services to institutional and private clients. Established in 1987, we now have over 500 people (guys or cats, and girls, even dames, broads, whatever) in offices across 18 jurisdictions, with assets under administration totalling over US$70billion. Our independence and shared ownership culture means we all share the same priority: the best interests of our clients.

The best interests of the clients. Nice one! Okay. 'All right.' Okay. What is our Danny doing at this firm?

As a Senior Director based in JTC's London office, Daniel specializes in helping firms investing across Europe with their complex, multi-jurisdictional corporate and fund solutions. He also has strong experience in Emerging Markets Private Equity, with a particular focus on the African continent.

Well, that's all right, ain't it? 'Yes, it's okay.' I hope Danny's successful in his new role. 'How long has he being doing this job, boss?' Not long. Only a short while, in fact.

...

Right. Anything else? Well, it's a nice sunny day today. Probably the first day of spring. So I might go out somewhere. Maybe central London, dear reader(s), for a look around the shops. I might get a DVD or something. 'Er ... shouldn't you be preparing to record your songs, Mikey?' Ha! I am prepared, man. I've been rehearsing the same two songs for ten weeks now. (I mean, not playing anything else at all, you dig?) I can play them in my sleep. Maybe tomorrow night, or maybe Friday, I'll have a go at them. I don't know. I've got to have the right mental attitude in place: confident, but not too excited. And I've got to make sure that motorbike prick ain't around, like Local Hero. 'Ha!' Christ! If I ever catch him ... you know?

[No. 492] I long to be ...

Close to YOU(!) - !!!

And it's the sadness of spinning alone[1], and be here ... with me![1], and it's the sadness of spinning alone[2], and I keep going, hoping for ... exactly the same result / and, yes, I am insane[1], and be here ... with me![2], and, but, but, but ... well, I might make a thousand[1], and I keep going, hoping for ... exactly the same result / and, yes, I am insane[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, here ... with my wicked consciousness ness, ha![1], and, but, but, but ... well, I might make a thousand[2], and walk on by, if you can't spin, idiot(s)![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, here ... with my wicked consciousness ness, ha![2], and a conceptual is a home, of sorts[1], and walk on by, if you can't spin, idiot(s)![2], and, lovely mystic kook ... are YOU(!), are YOU(!), are YOU(!) ... the one, my wonderwall, like?[1], and a conceptual is a home, of sorts[2], and have you got moondust in your hair, eh?[1], and, lovely mystic kook ... are YOU(!), are YOU(!), are YOU(!) ... the one, my wonderwall, like?[2], and do you know the way to Malibu? / Yeah, I'll meet you on the pier[1], and have you got moondust in your hair, eh?[2], and when I get there, I'll do me some talking to the sun ...[1], and do you know the way to Malibu? / Yeah, I'll meet you on the pier[2], and I'll wait for the moon ...[1], and when I get there, I'll do me some talking to the sun ...[2], and money is the way, always was, always will be / Ah, what changes in this EVIL WORLD - ? Nothing![1], and I'll wait for the moon ...[2], and in my dreams ...[1], and money is the way, always was, always will be / Ah, what changes in this EVIL WORLD - ? Nothing![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, my kook ... / ... are you DIZZY(!) yet?[1], and in my dreams ...[2], and there's that look in your eyes ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, my kook ... / ... are you DIZZY(!) yet?[2], and don't talk to me about smiles, or grins / and this is the grin without the cat, man![1], and there's that look in your eyes ...[2], and must I always explain? / and must I always confuse?[1], and don't talk to me about smiles, or grins / and this is the grin without the cat, man![2], and no, no, no ... conceptual cat, just the grin, you dig?[1], and must I always explain? / and must I always confuse?[2], and maybe(???) you shouldn't get too close / and I'm a madman when I'm DIZZY(!)[1], and no, no, no ... conceptual cat, just the grin, you dig?[2], and, uh, do your usual thing, if it makes you happy[1], and maybe(???) you shouldn't get too close / and I'm a madman when I'm DIZZY(!)[2], and you got the money, sure, but I bet you wish you had my mind ...[1], and, uh, do your usual thing, if it makes you happy[2], and what a life![1], and you got the money, sure, but I bet you wish you had my mind ...[2], and it's the sadness of spinning alone[3], and what a life![2], and be here ... with me![3], and I keep going, hoping for ... exactly the same result / and, yes, I am insane[3], and, but, but, but ... well, I might make a thousand[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, here ... with my wicked consciousness ness, ha![3], and walk on by, if you can't spin, idiot(s)![3], and a conceptual is a home, of sorts[3], and, lovely mystic kook ... are YOU(!), are YOU(!), are YOU(!) ... the one, my wonderwall, like?[3], and have you got moondust in your hair, eh?[3], and do you know the way to Malibu? / Yeah, I'll meet you on the pier[3], and when I get there, I'll do me some talking to the sun ...[3], and I'll wait for the moon ...[3], and money is the way, always was, always will be / Ah, what changes in this EVIL WORLD - ? Nothing![3], and in my dreams ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, my kook ... / ... are you DIZZY(!) yet?[3], and there's that look in your eyes ...[3], and don't talk to me about smiles, or grins / and this is the grin without the cat, man![3], and must I always explain? / and must I always confuse?[3], and no, no, no ... conceptual cat, just the grin, you dig?[3], and maybe(???) you shouldn't get too close / and I'm a madman when I'm DIZZY(!)[3], and, uh, do your usual thing, if it makes you happy[3], and you got the money, sure, but I bet you wish you had my mind ...[3], and what a life![3], and

And it's the sadness of spinning alone[1], and be here ... with me![1], and it's the sadness of spinning alone[2], and I keep going, hoping for ... exactly the same result / and, yes, I am insane[1], and be here ... with me![2], and, but, but, but ... well, I might make a thousand[1], and I keep going, hoping for ... exactly the same result / and, yes, I am insane[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, here ... with my wicked consciousness ness, ha![1], and, but, but, but ... well, I might make a thousand[2], and walk on by, if you can't spin, idiot(s)![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, here ... with my wicked consciousness ness, ha![2], and a conceptual is a home, of sorts[1], and walk on by, if you can't spin, idiot(s)![2], and, lovely mystic kook ... are YOU(!), are YOU(!), are YOU(!) ... the one, my wonderwall, like?[1], and a conceptual is a home, of sorts[2], and have you got moondust in your hair, eh?[1], and, lovely mystic kook ... are YOU(!), are YOU(!), are YOU(!) ... the one, my wonderwall, like?[2], and do you know the way to Malibu? / Yeah, I'll meet you on the pier[1], and have you got moondust in your hair, eh?[2], and when I get there, I'll do me some talking to the sun ...[1], and do you know the way to Malibu? / Yeah, I'll meet you on the pier[2], and I'll wait for the moon ...[1], and when I get there, I'll do me some talking to the sun ...[2], and money is the way, always was, always will be / Ah, what changes in this EVIL WORLD - ? Nothing![1], and I'll wait for the moon ...[2], and in my dreams ...[1], and money is the way, always was, always will be / Ah, what changes in this EVIL WORLD - ? Nothing![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, my kook ... / ... are you DIZZY(!) yet?[1], and in my dreams ...[2], and there's that look in your eyes ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, my kook ... / ... are you DIZZY(!) yet?[2], and don't talk to me about smiles, or grins / and this is the grin without the cat, man![1], and there's that look in your eyes ...[2], and must I always explain? / and must I always confuse?[1], and don't talk to me about smiles, or grins / and this is the grin without the cat, man![2], and no, no, no ... conceptual cat, just the grin, you dig?[1], and must I always explain? / and must I always confuse?[2], and maybe(???) you shouldn't get too close / and I'm a madman when I'm DIZZY(!)[1], and no, no, no ... conceptual cat, just the grin, you dig?[2], and, uh, do your usual thing, if it makes you happy[1], and maybe(???) you shouldn't get too close / and I'm a madman when I'm DIZZY(!)[2], and you got the money, sure, but I bet you wish you had my mind ...[1], and, uh, do your usual thing, if it makes you happy[2], and what a life![1], and you got the money, sure, but I bet you wish you had my mind ...[2], and it's the sadness of spinning alone[3], and what a life![2], and be here ... with me![3], and I keep going, hoping for ... exactly the same result / and, yes, I am insane[3], and, but, but, but ... well, I might make a thousand[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, here ... with my wicked consciousness ness, ha![3], and walk on by, if you can't spin, idiot(s)![3], and a conceptual is a home, of sorts[3], and, lovely mystic kook ... are YOU(!), are YOU(!), are YOU(!) ... the one, my wonderwall, like?[3], and have you got moondust in your hair, eh?[3], and do you know the way to Malibu? / Yeah, I'll meet you on the pier[3], and when I get there, I'll do me some talking to the sun ...[3], and I'll wait for the moon ...[3], and money is the way, always was, always will be / Ah, what changes in this EVIL WORLD - ? Nothing![3], and in my dreams ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, my kook ... / ... are you DIZZY(!) yet?[3], and there's that look in your eyes ...[3], and don't talk to me about smiles, or grins / and this is the grin without the cat, man![3], and must I always explain? / and must I always confuse?[3], and no, no, no ... conceptual cat, just the grin, you dig?[3], and maybe(???) you shouldn't get too close / and I'm a madman when I'm DIZZY(!)[3], and, uh, do your usual thing, if it makes you happy[3], and you got the money, sure, but I bet you wish you had my mind ...[3], and what a life![3], and

And it's the sadness of spinning alone[1], and be here ... with me![1], and it's the sadness of spinning alone[2], and I keep going, hoping for ... exactly the same result / and, yes, I am insane[1], and be here ... with me![2], and, but, but, but ... well, I might make a thousand[1], and I keep going, hoping for ... exactly the same result / and, yes, I am insane[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, here ... with my wicked consciousness ness, ha![1], and, but, but, but ... well, I might make a thousand[2], and walk on by, if you can't spin, idiot(s)![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, here ... with my wicked consciousness ness, ha![2], and a conceptual is a home, of sorts[1], and walk on by, if you can't spin, idiot(s)![2], and, lovely mystic kook ... are YOU(!), are YOU(!), are YOU(!) ... the one, my wonderwall, like?[1], and a conceptual is a home, of sorts[2], and have you got moondust in your hair, eh?[1], and, lovely mystic kook ... are YOU(!), are YOU(!), are YOU(!) ... the one, my wonderwall, like?[2], and do you know the way to Malibu? / Yeah, I'll meet you on the pier[1], and have you got moondust in your hair, eh?[2], and when I get there, I'll do me some talking to the sun ...[1], and do you know the way to Malibu? / Yeah, I'll meet you on the pier[2], and I'll wait for the moon ...[1], and when I get there, I'll do me some talking to the sun ...[2], and money is the way, always was, always will be / Ah, what changes in this EVIL WORLD - ? Nothing![1], and I'll wait for the moon ...[2], and in my dreams ...[1], and money is the way, always was, always will be / Ah, what changes in this EVIL WORLD - ? Nothing![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, my kook ... / ... are you DIZZY(!) yet?[1], and in my dreams ...[2], and there's that look in your eyes ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, my kook ... / ... are you DIZZY(!) yet?[2], and don't talk to me about smiles, or grins / and this is the grin without the cat, man![1], and there's that look in your eyes ...[2], and must I always explain? / and must I always confuse?[1], and don't talk to me about smiles, or grins / and this is the grin without the cat, man![2], and no, no, no ... conceptual cat, just the grin, you dig?[1], and must I always explain? / and must I always confuse?[2], and maybe(???) you shouldn't get too close / and I'm a madman when I'm DIZZY(!)[1], and no, no, no ... conceptual cat, just the grin, you dig?[2], and, uh, do your usual thing, if it makes you happy[1], and maybe(???) you shouldn't get too close / and I'm a madman when I'm DIZZY(!)[2], and you got the money, sure, but I bet you wish you had my mind ...[1], and, uh, do your usual thing, if it makes you happy[2], and what a life![1], and you got the money, sure, but I bet you wish you had my mind ...[2], and it's the sadness of spinning alone[3], and what a life![2], and be here ... with me![3], and I keep going, hoping for ... exactly the same result / and, yes, I am insane[3], and, but, but, but ... well, I might make a thousand[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, here ... with my wicked consciousness ness, ha![3], and walk on by, if you can't spin, idiot(s)![3], and a conceptual is a home, of sorts[3], and, lovely mystic kook ... are YOU(!), are YOU(!), are YOU(!) ... the one, my wonderwall, like?[3], and have you got moondust in your hair, eh?[3], and do you know the way to Malibu? / Yeah, I'll meet you on the pier[3], and when I get there, I'll do me some talking to the sun ...[3], and I'll wait for the moon ...[3], and money is the way, always was, always will be / Ah, what changes in this EVIL WORLD - ? Nothing![3], and in my dreams ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, my kook ... / ... are you DIZZY(!) yet?[3], and there's that look in your eyes ...[3], and don't talk to me about smiles, or grins / and this is the grin without the cat, man![3], and must I always explain? / and must I always confuse?[3], and no, no, no ... conceptual cat, just the grin, you dig?[3], and maybe(???) you shouldn't get too close / and I'm a madman when I'm DIZZY(!)[3], and, uh, do your usual thing, if it makes you happy[3], and you got the money, sure, but I bet you wish you had my mind ...[3], and what a life![3], and

Financial digital laggards, something

Monday morning. And I'm doing a PR email. There's no harm in it, I suppose. 'No, boss.' What, Voice?! 'There's no harm in it.' Oh. I thought you were trying to stop me. 'Ha! Carry on, man.' Okay. Okay. Okay. What we got?

Despite the quickening pace of digital innovation, many investment firms are characterized as "digital laggards" having moved slowly to embrace new technologies when compared to their "digital leader" peers.

Okay. Uh. Okay. From State Street.

64% of leaders are applying robust cybersecurity measures to ensure data integrity (22% of laggards).

63% of leaders are aligning front, mid- and back office functions to better service clients (30% laggards).

63% of leaders are fully harnessing data and analytics to improve decision making compared with just 24% of laggards.

63% of leaders have identified future areas of growth and new segments compared with 35% of laggards.

52% are focused on building an integrated, omni-channel approach, compared with just 24% of laggards.

Jesus H. Christ! 'Ha!' I'm sure they're not all lazy people, you know? Maybe, just maybe ... they don't care for technology that much, and they're mystical, spiritual people, like me. 'Yeah.' / And now I'm being asked if I want to speak to Lou Maiuri. 'Oh, I like him!' Shut up, Voice! You don't know him. / Let's do the rest of it.

State Street argues leaders - defined as those using digital technologies to transform their businesses - are excelling in the "three I's of data": integration, integrity and intelligence: integrating internal and external data; drawing new intelligence from it to improve decision-making, agility and client-centricity; and then safeguarding the integrity of this data with the highest levels of cybersecurity.

So? I mean ... whatever.

Despite the quickening pace of digital innovation, many investment firms are characterized as "digital laggards" having moved slowly to embrace new technologies when compared to their "digital leader" peers. The research further reveals -

No, no, no! We don't want no more percentages of laggards, thank you very much. We get the idea, State Street. 'That's the same bit they're repeating.' Yes, but they've got more percentages afterwards. 'Oh.' We don't need them! We don't want them!

Of the investment providers surveyed - a group ranging from universal banks and mutual funds to alternative investment firms and fintech start-ups - almost half (49 percent) say technology is redrawing the marketplace. Eight in ten (81 percent) say digital transformation is important for the future of their organization.

No more! Please! Please! Please!

...

I don't even like writing about technology. However, I didn't have a lot of choice this morning. The only other PR email was about investing in Bitcoin, and it was too much of a hard sell - to tell you the truth.

It's all technology now, man. I'm sick of it. What's happening to the world? Are we any happier than when we were living in caves?

[No. 491] Where the spinner can forget

Forget! 'Forget what?' Exactly!

And ... / Who are you?![1], and it's here that YOU(!) ... can forget / So, forget about the French Foreign Legion![1], and ... / Who are you?![2], and maybe no one cares, anyway ...[1], and it's here that YOU(!) ... can forget / So, forget about the French Foreign Legion![2], and I won't ask you for anything ...[1], and maybe no one cares, anyway ...[2], and this joint is rockin' ... / Man, I'm going a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and a-ROUND - !!![1], and I won't ask you for anything ...[2], and, baby, stay in, stay in your conscious ness[1], and this joint is rockin' ... / Man, I'm going a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and a-ROUND - !!![2], and got the blues, ain't we?[1], and, baby, stay in, stay in your conscious ness[2], and we're so lost ... where spinners have no place in a cold world, and, yes, we're spinning not wandering[1], and got the blues, ain't we?[2], and it's warmer here[1], and we're so lost ... where spinners have no place in a cold world, and, yes, we're spinning not wandering[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we're away from all the shit, oh, how do they live, seriously?[1], and it's warmer here[2], and it's all feelings with us, not hellish thoughts[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we're away from all the shit, oh, how do they live, seriously?[2], and DIZZY(!) now ... better already?[1], and it's all feelings with us, not hellish thoughts[2], and, us, we, living free, uh, not dying trapped, FFS![1], and DIZZY(!) now ... better already?[2], and beyond the THREE ... I'm sure we won't even know if we get there if it's anywhere, you dig?[1], and, us, we, living free, uh, not dying trapped, FFS![2], and ... where am I?[1], and beyond the THREE ... I'm sure we won't even know if we get there if it's anywhere, you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, man! - if it makes you sick, you ain't doing it right, right?[1], and ... where am I?[2], and ... RIGHT - !!![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, man! - if it makes you sick, you ain't doing it right, right?[2], and be under no illusion(s), my friend(s): there's a long way to go[1], and ... RIGHT - !!![2], and we're going, you're coming, no kook will be left behind, we're heading for a kind of salvation[1], and be under no illusion(s), my friend(s): there's a long way to go[2], and kind of ... is the best offer you'll get[1], and we're going, you're coming, no kook will be left behind, we're heading for a kind of salvation[2], and - 'Ha!'[1], and kind of ... is the best offer you'll get[2], and ... / What do you really want? / Oh, brother/sister, I got what you really need!!![1], and - 'Ha!'[2], and, so ... any many more for the road?[1], and ... / What do you really want? / Oh, brother/sister, I got what you really need!!![2], and ... / Who are you?![3], and, so ... any many more for the road?[2], and it's here that YOU(!) ... can forget / So, forget about the French Foreign Legion![3], and maybe no one cares, anyway ...[3], and I won't ask you for anything ...[3], and this joint is rockin' ... / Man, I'm going a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and a-ROUND - !!![3], and, baby, stay in, stay in your conscious ness[3], and got the blues, ain't we?[3], and we're so lost ... where spinners have no place in a cold world, and, yes, we're spinning not wandering[3], and it's warmer here[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we're away from all the shit, oh, how do they live, seriously?[3], and it's all feelings with us, not hellish thoughts[3], and DIZZY(!) now ... better already?[3], and, us, we, living free, uh, not dying trapped, FFS![3], and beyond the THREE ... I'm sure we won't even know if we get there if it's anywhere, you dig?[3], and ... where am I?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, man! - if it makes you sick, you ain't doing it right, right?[3], and ... RIGHT - !!![3], and be under no illusion(s), my friend(s): there's a long way to go[3], and we're going, you're coming, no kook will be left behind, we're heading for a kind of salvation[3], and kind of ... is the best offer you'll get[3], and - 'Ha!'[3], and ... / What do you really want? / Oh, brother/sister, I got what you really need!!![3], and, so ... any many more for the road?[3], and

And ... / Who are you?![1], and it's here that YOU(!) ... can forget / So, forget about the French Foreign Legion![1], and ... / Who are you?![2], and maybe no one cares, anyway ...[1], and it's here that YOU(!) ... can forget / So, forget about the French Foreign Legion![2], and I won't ask you for anything ...[1], and maybe no one cares, anyway ...[2], and this joint is rockin' ... / Man, I'm going a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and a-ROUND - !!![1], and I won't ask you for anything ...[2], and, baby, stay in, stay in your conscious ness[1], and this joint is rockin' ... / Man, I'm going a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and a-ROUND - !!![2], and got the blues, ain't we?[1], and, baby, stay in, stay in your conscious ness[2], and we're so lost ... where spinners have no place in a cold world, and, yes, we're spinning not wandering[1], and got the blues, ain't we?[2], and it's warmer here[1], and we're so lost ... where spinners have no place in a cold world, and, yes, we're spinning not wandering[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we're away from all the shit, oh, how do they live, seriously?[1], and it's warmer here[2], and it's all feelings with us, not hellish thoughts[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we're away from all the shit, oh, how do they live, seriously?[2], and DIZZY(!) now ... better already?[1], and it's all feelings with us, not hellish thoughts[2], and, us, we, living free, uh, not dying trapped, FFS![1], and DIZZY(!) now ... better already?[2], and beyond the THREE ... I'm sure we won't even know if we get there if it's anywhere, you dig?[1], and, us, we, living free, uh, not dying trapped, FFS![2], and ... where am I?[1], and beyond the THREE ... I'm sure we won't even know if we get there if it's anywhere, you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, man! - if it makes you sick, you ain't doing it right, right?[1], and ... where am I?[2], and ... RIGHT - !!![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, man! - if it makes you sick, you ain't doing it right, right?[2], and be under no illusion(s), my friend(s): there's a long way to go[1], and ... RIGHT - !!![2], and we're going, you're coming, no kook will be left behind, we're heading for a kind of salvation[1], and be under no illusion(s), my friend(s): there's a long way to go[2], and kind of ... is the best offer you'll get[1], and we're going, you're coming, no kook will be left behind, we're heading for a kind of salvation[2], and - 'Ha!'[1], and kind of ... is the best offer you'll get[2], and ... / What do you really want? / Oh, brother/sister, I got what you really need!!![1], and - 'Ha!'[2], and, so ... any many more for the road?[1], and ... / What do you really want? / Oh, brother/sister, I got what you really need!!![2], and ... / Who are you?![3], and, so ... any many more for the road?[2], and it's here that YOU(!) ... can forget / So, forget about the French Foreign Legion![3], and maybe no one cares, anyway ...[3], and I won't ask you for anything ...[3], and this joint is rockin' ... / Man, I'm going a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and a-ROUND - !!![3], and, baby, stay in, stay in your conscious ness[3], and got the blues, ain't we?[3], and we're so lost ... where spinners have no place in a cold world, and, yes, we're spinning not wandering[3], and it's warmer here[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we're away from all the shit, oh, how do they live, seriously?[3], and it's all feelings with us, not hellish thoughts[3], and DIZZY(!) now ... better already?[3], and, us, we, living free, uh, not dying trapped, FFS![3], and beyond the THREE ... I'm sure we won't even know if we get there if it's anywhere, you dig?[3], and ... where am I?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, man! - if it makes you sick, you ain't doing it right, right?[3], and ... RIGHT - !!![3], and be under no illusion(s), my friend(s): there's a long way to go[3], and we're going, you're coming, no kook will be left behind, we're heading for a kind of salvation[3], and kind of ... is the best offer you'll get[3], and - 'Ha!'[3], and ... / What do you really want? / Oh, brother/sister, I got what you really need!!![3], and, so ... any many more for the road?[3], and

And ... / Who are you?![1], and it's here that YOU(!) ... can forget / So, forget about the French Foreign Legion![1], and ... / Who are you?![2], and maybe no one cares, anyway ...[1], and it's here that YOU(!) ... can forget / So, forget about the French Foreign Legion![2], and I won't ask you for anything ...[1], and maybe no one cares, anyway ...[2], and this joint is rockin' ... / Man, I'm going a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and a-ROUND - !!![1], and I won't ask you for anything ...[2], and, baby, stay in, stay in your conscious ness[1], and this joint is rockin' ... / Man, I'm going a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and a-ROUND - !!![2], and got the blues, ain't we?[1], and, baby, stay in, stay in your conscious ness[2], and we're so lost ... where spinners have no place in a cold world, and, yes, we're spinning not wandering[1], and got the blues, ain't we?[2], and it's warmer here[1], and we're so lost ... where spinners have no place in a cold world, and, yes, we're spinning not wandering[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we're away from all the shit, oh, how do they live, seriously?[1], and it's warmer here[2], and it's all feelings with us, not hellish thoughts[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we're away from all the shit, oh, how do they live, seriously?[2], and DIZZY(!) now ... better already?[1], and it's all feelings with us, not hellish thoughts[2], and, us, we, living free, uh, not dying trapped, FFS![1], and DIZZY(!) now ... better already?[2], and beyond the THREE ... I'm sure we won't even know if we get there if it's anywhere, you dig?[1], and, us, we, living free, uh, not dying trapped, FFS![2], and ... where am I?[1], and beyond the THREE ... I'm sure we won't even know if we get there if it's anywhere, you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, man! - if it makes you sick, you ain't doing it right, right?[1], and ... where am I?[2], and ... RIGHT - !!![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, man! - if it makes you sick, you ain't doing it right, right?[2], and be under no illusion(s), my friend(s): there's a long way to go[1], and ... RIGHT - !!![2], and we're going, you're coming, no kook will be left behind, we're heading for a kind of salvation[1], and be under no illusion(s), my friend(s): there's a long way to go[2], and kind of ... is the best offer you'll get[1], and we're going, you're coming, no kook will be left behind, we're heading for a kind of salvation[2], and - 'Ha!'[1], and kind of ... is the best offer you'll get[2], and ... / What do you really want? / Oh, brother/sister, I got what you really need!!![1], and - 'Ha!'[2], and, so ... any many more for the road?[1], and ... / What do you really want? / Oh, brother/sister, I got what you really need!!![2], and ... / Who are you?![3], and, so ... any many more for the road?[2], and it's here that YOU(!) ... can forget / So, forget about the French Foreign Legion![3], and maybe no one cares, anyway ...[3], and I won't ask you for anything ...[3], and this joint is rockin' ... / Man, I'm going a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... and a-ROUND - !!![3], and, baby, stay in, stay in your conscious ness[3], and got the blues, ain't we?[3], and we're so lost ... where spinners have no place in a cold world, and, yes, we're spinning not wandering[3], and it's warmer here[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... we're away from all the shit, oh, how do they live, seriously?[3], and it's all feelings with us, not hellish thoughts[3], and DIZZY(!) now ... better already?[3], and, us, we, living free, uh, not dying trapped, FFS![3], and beyond the THREE ... I'm sure we won't even know if we get there if it's anywhere, you dig?[3], and ... where am I?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, man! - if it makes you sick, you ain't doing it right, right?[3], and ... RIGHT - !!![3], and be under no illusion(s), my friend(s): there's a long way to go[3], and we're going, you're coming, no kook will be left behind, we're heading for a kind of salvation[3], and kind of ... is the best offer you'll get[3], and - 'Ha!'[3], and ... / What do you really want? / Oh, brother/sister, I got what you really need!!![3], and, so ... any many more for the road?[3], and