[No. 511] "Mr. Fowke" or "Mikey"

Or other.

And I can call myself anything[1], and, yes, I ...[1], and I can call myself anything[2], and a-ROUND here ... anything goes when you're too DIZZY(!) to have a clue[1], and, yes, I ...[2], and did you notice the "I" - ?[1], and a-ROUND here ... anything goes when you're too DIZZY(!) to have a clue[2], and my consciousness is your consciousness is ... everyone's consciousness, you dig?[1], and did you notice the "I" - ?[2], and what should I call ... YOU(!) - ?[1], and my consciousness is your consciousness is ... everyone's consciousness, you dig?[2], and - kook![1], and what should I call ... YOU(!) - ?[2], and I want to help myself[1], and - kook![2], and you're clinging to some absurd idea ... / oh, who did they tell you ... YOU(!) ... you were?[1], and I want to help myself[2], and, yes, me ...[1], and you're clinging to some absurd idea ... / oh, who did they tell you ... YOU(!) ... you were?[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... not no more![1], and, yes, me ...[2], and I know it's confusing, friend(s), or can be confusing / the trick is not to care ...[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... not no more![2], and just be other[1], and I know it's confusing, friend(s), or can be confusing / the trick is not to care ...[2], and, sha, sha, sha ...[1], and just be other[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... they call me the shaman, here[1], and, sha, sha, sha ...[2], and, no, don't shake, spin![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... they call me the shaman, here[2], and if you've got a problem ... / ... good luck![1], and, no, don't shake, spin![2], and ... THE SHAMAN - !!!, you dig?[1], and if you've got a problem ... / ... good luck![2], and this "I" it's me, you see? / and this "Mr. Fowke" / and this "Mikey", too![1], and ... THE SHAMAN - !!!, you dig?[2], and you're spoilt for choice / 'We all are, son!'[1], and this "I" it's me, you see? / and this "Mr. Fowke" / and this "Mikey", too![2], and, well, well ... what can I say, er, NOW - ?! / 'Spin, spin, spin, baby!'[1], and you're spoilt for choice / 'We all are, son!'[2], and many more, for the road? / COME ON - !!![1], and, well, well ... what can I say, er, NOW - ?! / 'Spin, spin, spin, baby!'[2], and I can call myself anything[3], and many more, for the road? / COME ON - !!![2], and, yes, I ...[3], and a-ROUND here ... anything goes when you're too DIZZY(!) to have a clue[3], and did you notice the "I" - ?[3], and my consciousness is your consciousness is ... everyone's consciousness, you dig?[3], and what should I call ... YOU(!) - ?[3], and - kook![3], and I want to help myself[3], and you're clinging to some absurd idea ... / oh, who did they tell you ... YOU(!) ... you were?[3], and, yes, me ...[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... not no more![3], and I know it's confusing, friend(s), or can be confusing / the trick is not to care ...[3], and just be other[3], and, sha, sha, sha ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... they call me the shaman, here[3], and, no, don't shake, spin![3], and if you've got a problem ... / ... good luck![3], and ... THE SHAMAN - !!!, you dig?[3], and this "I" it's me, you see? / and this "Mr. Fowke" / and this "Mikey", too![3], and you're spoilt for choice / 'We all are, son!'[3], and, well, well ... what can I say, er, NOW - ?! / 'Spin, spin, spin, baby!'[3], and many more, for the road? / COME ON - !!![3], and

And I can call myself anything[1], and, yes, I ...[1], and I can call myself anything[2], and a-ROUND here ... anything goes when you're too DIZZY(!) to have a clue[1], and, yes, I ...[2], and did you notice the "I" - ?[1], and a-ROUND here ... anything goes when you're too DIZZY(!) to have a clue[2], and my consciousness is your consciousness is ... everyone's consciousness, you dig?[1], and did you notice the "I" - ?[2], and what should I call ... YOU(!) - ?[1], and my consciousness is your consciousness is ... everyone's consciousness, you dig?[2], and - kook![1], and what should I call ... YOU(!) - ?[2], and I want to help myself[1], and - kook![2], and you're clinging to some absurd idea ... / oh, who did they tell you ... YOU(!) ... you were?[1], and I want to help myself[2], and, yes, me ...[1], and you're clinging to some absurd idea ... / oh, who did they tell you ... YOU(!) ... you were?[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... not no more![1], and, yes, me ...[2], and I know it's confusing, friend(s), or can be confusing / the trick is not to care ...[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... not no more![2], and just be other[1], and I know it's confusing, friend(s), or can be confusing / the trick is not to care ...[2], and, sha, sha, sha ...[1], and just be other[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... they call me the shaman, here[1], and, sha, sha, sha ...[2], and, no, don't shake, spin![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... they call me the shaman, here[2], and if you've got a problem ... / ... good luck![1], and, no, don't shake, spin![2], and ... THE SHAMAN - !!!, you dig?[1], and if you've got a problem ... / ... good luck![2], and this "I" it's me, you see? / and this "Mr. Fowke" / and this "Mikey", too![1], and ... THE SHAMAN - !!!, you dig?[2], and you're spoilt for choice / 'We all are, son!'[1], and this "I" it's me, you see? / and this "Mr. Fowke" / and this "Mikey", too![2], and, well, well ... what can I say, er, NOW - ?! / 'Spin, spin, spin, baby!'[1], and you're spoilt for choice / 'We all are, son!'[2], and many more, for the road? / COME ON - !!![1], and, well, well ... what can I say, er, NOW - ?! / 'Spin, spin, spin, baby!'[2], and I can call myself anything[3], and many more, for the road? / COME ON - !!![2], and, yes, I ...[3], and a-ROUND here ... anything goes when you're too DIZZY(!) to have a clue[3], and did you notice the "I" - ?[3], and my consciousness is your consciousness is ... everyone's consciousness, you dig?[3], and what should I call ... YOU(!) - ?[3], and - kook![3], and I want to help myself[3], and you're clinging to some absurd idea ... / oh, who did they tell you ... YOU(!) ... you were?[3], and, yes, me ...[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... not no more![3], and I know it's confusing, friend(s), or can be confusing / the trick is not to care ...[3], and just be other[3], and, sha, sha, sha ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... they call me the shaman, here[3], and, no, don't shake, spin![3], and if you've got a problem ... / ... good luck![3], and ... THE SHAMAN - !!!, you dig?[3], and this "I" it's me, you see? / and this "Mr. Fowke" / and this "Mikey", too![3], and you're spoilt for choice / 'We all are, son!'[3], and, well, well ... what can I say, er, NOW - ?! / 'Spin, spin, spin, baby!'[3], and many more, for the road? / COME ON - !!![3], and

And I can call myself anything[1], and, yes, I ...[1], and I can call myself anything[2], and a-ROUND here ... anything goes when you're too DIZZY(!) to have a clue[1], and, yes, I ...[2], and did you notice the "I" - ?[1], and a-ROUND here ... anything goes when you're too DIZZY(!) to have a clue[2], and my consciousness is your consciousness is ... everyone's consciousness, you dig?[1], and did you notice the "I" - ?[2], and what should I call ... YOU(!) - ?[1], and my consciousness is your consciousness is ... everyone's consciousness, you dig?[2], and - kook![1], and what should I call ... YOU(!) - ?[2], and I want to help myself[1], and - kook![2], and you're clinging to some absurd idea ... / oh, who did they tell you ... YOU(!) ... you were?[1], and I want to help myself[2], and, yes, me ...[1], and you're clinging to some absurd idea ... / oh, who did they tell you ... YOU(!) ... you were?[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... not no more![1], and, yes, me ...[2], and I know it's confusing, friend(s), or can be confusing / the trick is not to care ...[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... not no more![2], and just be other[1], and I know it's confusing, friend(s), or can be confusing / the trick is not to care ...[2], and, sha, sha, sha ...[1], and just be other[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... they call me the shaman, here[1], and, sha, sha, sha ...[2], and, no, don't shake, spin![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... they call me the shaman, here[2], and if you've got a problem ... / ... good luck![1], and, no, don't shake, spin![2], and ... THE SHAMAN - !!!, you dig?[1], and if you've got a problem ... / ... good luck![2], and this "I" it's me, you see? / and this "Mr. Fowke" / and this "Mikey", too![1], and ... THE SHAMAN - !!!, you dig?[2], and you're spoilt for choice / 'We all are, son!'[1], and this "I" it's me, you see? / and this "Mr. Fowke" / and this "Mikey", too![2], and, well, well ... what can I say, er, NOW - ?! / 'Spin, spin, spin, baby!'[1], and you're spoilt for choice / 'We all are, son!'[2], and many more, for the road? / COME ON - !!![1], and, well, well ... what can I say, er, NOW - ?! / 'Spin, spin, spin, baby!'[2], and I can call myself anything[3], and many more, for the road? / COME ON - !!![2], and, yes, I ...[3], and a-ROUND here ... anything goes when you're too DIZZY(!) to have a clue[3], and did you notice the "I" - ?[3], and my consciousness is your consciousness is ... everyone's consciousness, you dig?[3], and what should I call ... YOU(!) - ?[3], and - kook![3], and I want to help myself[3], and you're clinging to some absurd idea ... / oh, who did they tell you ... YOU(!) ... you were?[3], and, yes, me ...[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... not no more![3], and I know it's confusing, friend(s), or can be confusing / the trick is not to care ...[3], and just be other[3], and, sha, sha, sha ...[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... they call me the shaman, here[3], and, no, don't shake, spin![3], and if you've got a problem ... / ... good luck![3], and ... THE SHAMAN - !!!, you dig?[3], and this "I" it's me, you see? / and this "Mr. Fowke" / and this "Mikey", too![3], and you're spoilt for choice / 'We all are, son!'[3], and, well, well ... what can I say, er, NOW - ?! / 'Spin, spin, spin, baby!'[3], and many more, for the road? / COME ON - !!![3], and

Copper Street Capital wants more money!

Well, well ... / External capital, apparently. So ... 'What's this, boss?' Uh, Voice, it's, er ... Jerry del Missier's Copper Street Capital hedge fund, you know? 'Oh. Jerry del Missier? Who's he?' Just some guy, finance guy. 'Oh.' Yeah.

You see, Copper Street Capital launched two years ago in London with $100 million. Not pounds, dear reader(s), dollars. [Dollars. That's what it says here. 'American website?'] All his own money, or maybe from staff/partners, I don't know. But now our Jerry wants $500 million from investors, outside. 'In the street?!' Ha! 'Dollars?' Yeah, he wants dollars, Voice, not pounds. / Who would want pounds? Fucking Brexit, man! Do me a favour!

Anyway, I'm looking at his LinkedIn profile. I'll quote a bit of it -

Jerry is the Founder and Executive Chairman of Copper Street Capital LLP. He is also a former Chief Operating Officer (COO) of Barclays Bank Plc and was a member of the bank's Executive Committee. Mr. del Missier joined Barclays in June 1997 as Head of Derivatives and in subsequent years went on to assume responsibility for the Trading, Sales and Research functions. In 2003 he was also appointed Regional Head of Europe for Barclays Capital. He was appointed Co-President of Barclays Capital in 2005 and in 2008 moved to New York to become Barclays Capital President and Regional Head of the Americas.

Well, well ... / He's a bit confused though, ain't he? 'Why, boss?' Well, I mean, one minute he's calling himself "Jerry" and the next minute he's calling himself "Mr. del Missier", but, strangely, he never says "I". 'What, never?!' Never, man. He has never been known to do it. 'Wow! Christ!' Yeah, he's an eccentric. 'Obviously!' Well, yes. And I take my hat off to him. We need more oddballs in finance. I'm sick to death of all the squares.

"Jerry is going to the shop now to buy lunch. Does anyone want anything? Mr. del Missier will get you a cheese sandwich if you like. You can give the money to Jerry later."

'Who said that?' Me! 'Oh.' That's the sort of thing that goes on at Copper Street Capital, and I think it's brilliant. / Good luck with raising the capital, son!

...

Right. Anything else? Not really. Not yet. There'll be a couple of posts later, I should imagine.

Laters, yeah?

I've been invited to this global market outlook thing ...

I'm not much in the mood for writing about finance this morning, dear reader(s). 'Oh, why not, boss?' It's a nice sunny day, man. I should be in the park, goofing off with the Aviva Investors crowd, but ... I'm stuck here, writing this.

Good afternoon,

Eh? It's the fucking morning, mate!

We'd be delighted if you could join us for breakfast on Tuesday 6th June at 8.45am (for a 9.00am start) for State Street's mid-year Global Market Outlook event (full details below).

The theme of the event will be geopolitics, and the impact that major political developments continue to have on market sentiment in 2017.

Oh, Christ! Whatever.

Tim Graf, head of macro strategy EMEA, for State Street Global Markets, and James Binny, EMEA head of currency at State Street Global Advisors, will identify and discuss the market impact of key geopolitical events and give their views on the significant developments likely to shape the rest of the year, such as:

Yeah, such as what?

Give us a chance, man! Such as -

Global market outlook for the second half of the year.

The impending UK general election and the impact on sterling.

Thoughts on the forthcoming German election in September in the wake of the French presidential result.

A review of the US economy under President Trump.

No, I can't make it. Sorry. 'Are you washing your hair?' I wash my hair every morning, so yeah.

...

Anything else? Politics? I'll do my own review of US politics. 'Great!' The Trump presidency is getting more exciting by the day. It's like one of those airport thrillers you take on holiday. 'Even better than that, Mikey. Most thriller writers don't have the imagination for this shit.' No. / Well, just imagine sacking the head of the FBI because he's getting too close to finding out something! 'Ha! And certain people - excuse me, idiots - were worried about Hilary Clinton using the wrong email account!' Oh, be fair, Voice. She had a nasty cough for a while, too. How can you vote for someone with a nasty cough? Anyway ... / ... / And politics in the UK? Forget about it. I ain't interested.

Well, well ... / Uh, music? My music? I'll probably record those two songs of mine soon because I can play them perfectly now. 'Ha! I should hope so, Mikey. You've only been practicing them exclusively for the last six months.' Well, you know nothing, Voice. Really nothing. I'm like the Karate Kid, man. 'Eh?!' Wax on, wax off, yeah? Six months ago I recorded the other two songs for my new demo because they were easy to play. 'Oh.' And I could play all similar songs then. Easy ones, you dig? But now I can play hard ones too. 'Oh.' Yes - oh!!!! / Wax on. Wax off.

Laters.

WMA and APFA are merging!

Yippee! Great news for boxing fans! The WMA and APFA are unifying their belts or something, so there'll be just one belt to fight for. Which will make it better for boxers and fans. The whole competition will be bigger as IMFA! 'Boss!' What, man? 'What is this nonsense?' It's a PR email, Voice. Boxing, for a change. I don't know why. They just sent it to me. I ain't complaining. I mean, it makes a nice change from finance, don't it? 'Er ... you mean this? -'

The two leading UK trade associations in the investment management and financial advice sector, the WMA and APFA, are announcing their intention to merge, as they look to become a joined-up representative body for organizations that help individuals and families plan and invest for their financial future. The resulting association will be led by Liz Field, currently CEO of WMA.

Er ... yeah. That's strange. 'Ha! Look -'

Together the WMA and APFA will become IMFA (Investment Management & Financial Advice Association) effective 1st June, subject to the merger being approved by the members. The combined IMFA membership would represent UK firms offering a range of financial solutions, including investment advice and portfolio management, as well as investment and execution services, financial planning and advice for private clients. Through the merger, both trade associations can unlock further synergies for the benefit of members by championing a wider remit for our growing community. Both trade associations' Boards have recommended the proposed merger, which will create a stronger voice for the Investment Management and Financial Advice industry in the UK. IMFA is expected to be financially positive on a standalone basis by the end of the first year.

Er ... 'Absolutely nothing to do with boxing, boss.' Yeah. Well, that's damn strange. 'Not really.' No? 'No. It's merely more finance news, that's all.' Maybe Liz can clear things up -

Liz Field, CEO of the WMA, said that "The resulting trade association will continue to lead the debate on policy and regulatory recommendations to ensure that the UK remains a global centre of excellence in the investment advice and financial management arena."

Shit! Oh, I thought - 'You didn't read the email, did you? Yet again!' Well ... 'You just rushed in, presuming you knew all about it.' Well, I thought they were boxing organizations, Voice. It's an easy mistake to make. I ain't got time to read all these fucking emails. 'Boxing! Ha! The APFA will love this.'

About APFA

The Association of Professional Financial Advisers (APFA) is the representative body for the financial adviser profession. 40% of investment and protection products are sold through financial advisers, with annual revenue estimated at £3.8 billion (£2.2 billion from investment business, £1.2 billion from general insurance and £400 million from mortgages). Over 50% of the population rank financial advisers as one of their top three most trusted sources of advice about money matters. As such, financial advisers represent a leading force in the maintenance of a competitive and dynamic retail financial services market.

APFA was founded in 1999, and was originally called AIFA (Association of Independent Financial Advisers). APFA rebranded in 2012 after the regulator introduced changes to the definition of 'independent' and 'restricted' advice.

Okay, okay. I get the picture. It's finance. 'Look, boss! -'

About WMA

The Wealth Management Association (WMA) represents 180 wealth management firms and associate members that provide a range of financial solutions including financial advice, portfolio management, as well as investment and execution services. They assist everyone from individuals and families, to charities and pension funds, all the way to trusts and companies.

WMA members firms look after over £825 billion of wealth for over 2.2 million retail investors - comparable in value to around 40% of GDP.  These firms also run over 5.5 million client portfolios and carry out over 20 million trades a year. The firms operate across more than 580 sites, employing over 27,000 staff.

WMA was set up in 1990 and was initially called Association of Private Client Investment Managers & Stockbrokers (APCIMS). The association rebranded in 2013 as it broadened its member base to better reflect changes in the industry landscape.

Yeah, okay, Voice. You've made your point. / Well, you learn something new every day, reader(s), eh?

...

Anything else? You want more? Okay. Read last night's conceptual, No. 510. That's more for you!

'Give them more, Mikey!'

There are two trillion galaxies in the universe.

'That's old news, man.'

Laters.

[No. 510] Anything else?

Well, just spinning.

And, well, well[1], and I've only got this ... spinning a-ROUND for YOU(!)[1], and, well, well[2], and it's fun, yes[1], and I've only got this ... spinning a-ROUND for YOU(!)[2], and I know you've been looking for something because you're so empty inside, aren't you?[1], and it's fun, yes[2], and it's a COLD WORLD, oh, where you're from[1], and I know you've been looking for something because you're so empty inside, aren't you?[2], and I really, really love you a lot / and are you happy ... NOW?! / You should be[1], and it's a COLD WORLD, oh, where you're from[2], and it's warm here though / even HOT![1], and I really, really love you a lot / and are you happy ... NOW?! / You should be[2], and if you had any sense, any intelligence at all ... you'd be doing NOTHING but spinning[1], and it's warm here though / even HOT![2], and ... just try it, please![1], and if you had any sense, any intelligence at all ... you'd be doing NOTHING but spinning[2], and if you're at work, tell your boss to do one / oh, I'll speak to your wretched boss[1], and ... just try it, please![2], and ... don't be afraid[1], and if you're at work, tell your boss to do one / oh, I'll speak to your wretched boss[2], and are you bored with your life? / Man, ah, the conceptual shit, we make our own entertainment, you dig?[1], and ... don't be afraid[2], and this ... is a safe place for you / and I am watching you / and I will never leave you alone[1], and are you bored with your life? / Man, ah, the conceptual shit, we make our own entertainment, you dig?[2], and YOU(!) ... get DIZZY(!) ... like a kook![1], and this ... is a safe place for you / and I am watching you / and I will never leave you alone[2], and your family, your friends ... they can't control you, uh, now / and I will turn them away[1], and YOU(!) ... get DIZZY(!) ... like a kook![2], and squares/losers won't do it, or can't do it, so sick![1], and your family, your friends ... they can't control you, uh, now / and I will turn them away[2], and don't forget the galaxies ... !!![1], and squares/losers won't do it, or can't do it, so sick![2], and in the beginning it is just like the end / So, don't worry about the number ...[1], and don't forget the galaxies ... !!![2], and trust me, please![1], and in the beginning it is just like the end / So, don't worry about the number ...[2], and ... I AM A MASTER!!![1], and trust me, please![2], and, obviously ... only God can judge me, but I can judge YOU(!) / Yes, it's the gift of high consciousness![1], and ... I AM A MASTER!!![2], and watch me spin ... NOW![1], and, obviously ... only God can judge me, but I can judge YOU(!) / Yes, it's the gift of high consciousness![2], and don't be jealous of me / I've suffered through many lifetimes / Not to mention this one[1], and watch me spin ... NOW![2], and the beyond the THREE? / 'Ha!' / Oh, I wish![1], and don't be jealous of me / I've suffered through many lifetimes / Not to mention this one[2], and, well, well[3], and the beyond the THREE? / 'Ha!' / Oh, I wish![2], and I've only got this ... spinning a-ROUND for YOU(!)[3], and it's fun, yes[3], and I know you've been looking for something because you're so empty inside, aren't you?[3], and it's a COLD WORLD, oh, where you're from[3], and I really, really love you a lot / and are you happy ... NOW?! / You should be[3], and it's warm here though / even HOT![3], and if you had any sense, any intelligence at all ... you'd be doing NOTHING but spinning[3], and ... just try it, please![3], and if you're at work, tell your boss to do one / oh, I'll speak to your wretched boss[3], and ... don't be afraid[3], and are you bored with your life? / Man, ah, the conceptual shit, we make our own entertainment, you dig?[3], and this ... is a safe place for you / and I am watching you / and I will never leave you alone[3], and YOU(!) ... get DIZZY(!) ... like a kook![3], and your family, your friends ... they can't control you, uh, now / and I will turn them away[3], and squares/losers won't do it, or can't do it, so sick![3], and don't forget the galaxies ... !!![3], and in the beginning it is just like the end / So, don't worry about the number ...[3], and trust me, please![3], and ... I AM A MASTER!!![3], and, obviously ... only God can judge me, but I can judge YOU(!) / Yes, it's the gift of high consciousness![3], and watch me spin ... NOW![3], and don't be jealous of me / I've suffered through many lifetimes / Not to mention this one[3], and the beyond the THREE? / 'Ha!' / Oh, I wish![3], and

And, well, well[1], and I've only got this ... spinning a-ROUND for YOU(!)[1], and, well, well[2], and it's fun, yes[1], and I've only got this ... spinning a-ROUND for YOU(!)[2], and I know you've been looking for something because you're so empty inside, aren't you?[1], and it's fun, yes[2], and it's a COLD WORLD, oh, where you're from[1], and I know you've been looking for something because you're so empty inside, aren't you?[2], and I really, really love you a lot / and are you happy ... NOW?! / You should be[1], and it's a COLD WORLD, oh, where you're from[2], and it's warm here though / even HOT![1], and I really, really love you a lot / and are you happy ... NOW?! / You should be[2], and if you had any sense, any intelligence at all ... you'd be doing NOTHING but spinning[1], and it's warm here though / even HOT![2], and ... just try it, please![1], and if you had any sense, any intelligence at all ... you'd be doing NOTHING but spinning[2], and if you're at work, tell your boss to do one / oh, I'll speak to your wretched boss[1], and ... just try it, please![2], and ... don't be afraid[1], and if you're at work, tell your boss to do one / oh, I'll speak to your wretched boss[2], and are you bored with your life? / Man, ah, the conceptual shit, we make our own entertainment, you dig?[1], and ... don't be afraid[2], and this ... is a safe place for you / and I am watching you / and I will never leave you alone[1], and are you bored with your life? / Man, ah, the conceptual shit, we make our own entertainment, you dig?[2], and YOU(!) ... get DIZZY(!) ... like a kook![1], and this ... is a safe place for you / and I am watching you / and I will never leave you alone[2], and your family, your friends ... they can't control you, uh, now / and I will turn them away[1], and YOU(!) ... get DIZZY(!) ... like a kook![2], and squares/losers won't do it, or can't do it, so sick![1], and your family, your friends ... they can't control you, uh, now / and I will turn them away[2], and don't forget the galaxies ... !!![1], and squares/losers won't do it, or can't do it, so sick![2], and in the beginning it is just like the end / So, don't worry about the number ...[1], and don't forget the galaxies ... !!![2], and trust me, please![1], and in the beginning it is just like the end / So, don't worry about the number ...[2], and ... I AM A MASTER!!![1], and trust me, please![2], and, obviously ... only God can judge me, but I can judge YOU(!) / Yes, it's the gift of high consciousness![1], and ... I AM A MASTER!!![2], and watch me spin ... NOW![1], and, obviously ... only God can judge me, but I can judge YOU(!) / Yes, it's the gift of high consciousness![2], and don't be jealous of me / I've suffered through many lifetimes / Not to mention this one[1], and watch me spin ... NOW![2], and the beyond the THREE? / 'Ha!' / Oh, I wish![1], and don't be jealous of me / I've suffered through many lifetimes / Not to mention this one[2], and, well, well[3], and the beyond the THREE? / 'Ha!' / Oh, I wish![2], and I've only got this ... spinning a-ROUND for YOU(!)[3], and it's fun, yes[3], and I know you've been looking for something because you're so empty inside, aren't you?[3], and it's a COLD WORLD, oh, where you're from[3], and I really, really love you a lot / and are you happy ... NOW?! / You should be[3], and it's warm here though / even HOT![3], and if you had any sense, any intelligence at all ... you'd be doing NOTHING but spinning[3], and ... just try it, please![3], and if you're at work, tell your boss to do one / oh, I'll speak to your wretched boss[3], and ... don't be afraid[3], and are you bored with your life? / Man, ah, the conceptual shit, we make our own entertainment, you dig?[3], and this ... is a safe place for you / and I am watching you / and I will never leave you alone[3], and YOU(!) ... get DIZZY(!) ... like a kook![3], and your family, your friends ... they can't control you, uh, now / and I will turn them away[3], and squares/losers won't do it, or can't do it, so sick![3], and don't forget the galaxies ... !!![3], and in the beginning it is just like the end / So, don't worry about the number ...[3], and trust me, please![3], and ... I AM A MASTER!!![3], and, obviously ... only God can judge me, but I can judge YOU(!) / Yes, it's the gift of high consciousness![3], and watch me spin ... NOW![3], and don't be jealous of me / I've suffered through many lifetimes / Not to mention this one[3], and the beyond the THREE? / 'Ha!' / Oh, I wish![3], and

And, well, well[1], and I've only got this ... spinning a-ROUND for YOU(!)[1], and, well, well[2], and it's fun, yes[1], and I've only got this ... spinning a-ROUND for YOU(!)[2], and I know you've been looking for something because you're so empty inside, aren't you?[1], and it's fun, yes[2], and it's a COLD WORLD, oh, where you're from[1], and I know you've been looking for something because you're so empty inside, aren't you?[2], and I really, really love you a lot / and are you happy ... NOW?! / You should be[1], and it's a COLD WORLD, oh, where you're from[2], and it's warm here though / even HOT![1], and I really, really love you a lot / and are you happy ... NOW?! / You should be[2], and if you had any sense, any intelligence at all ... you'd be doing NOTHING but spinning[1], and it's warm here though / even HOT![2], and ... just try it, please![1], and if you had any sense, any intelligence at all ... you'd be doing NOTHING but spinning[2], and if you're at work, tell your boss to do one / oh, I'll speak to your wretched boss[1], and ... just try it, please![2], and ... don't be afraid[1], and if you're at work, tell your boss to do one / oh, I'll speak to your wretched boss[2], and are you bored with your life? / Man, ah, the conceptual shit, we make our own entertainment, you dig?[1], and ... don't be afraid[2], and this ... is a safe place for you / and I am watching you / and I will never leave you alone[1], and are you bored with your life? / Man, ah, the conceptual shit, we make our own entertainment, you dig?[2], and YOU(!) ... get DIZZY(!) ... like a kook![1], and this ... is a safe place for you / and I am watching you / and I will never leave you alone[2], and your family, your friends ... they can't control you, uh, now / and I will turn them away[1], and YOU(!) ... get DIZZY(!) ... like a kook![2], and squares/losers won't do it, or can't do it, so sick![1], and your family, your friends ... they can't control you, uh, now / and I will turn them away[2], and don't forget the galaxies ... !!![1], and squares/losers won't do it, or can't do it, so sick![2], and in the beginning it is just like the end / So, don't worry about the number ...[1], and don't forget the galaxies ... !!![2], and trust me, please![1], and in the beginning it is just like the end / So, don't worry about the number ...[2], and ... I AM A MASTER!!![1], and trust me, please![2], and, obviously ... only God can judge me, but I can judge YOU(!) / Yes, it's the gift of high consciousness![1], and ... I AM A MASTER!!![2], and watch me spin ... NOW![1], and, obviously ... only God can judge me, but I can judge YOU(!) / Yes, it's the gift of high consciousness![2], and don't be jealous of me / I've suffered through many lifetimes / Not to mention this one[1], and watch me spin ... NOW![2], and the beyond the THREE? / 'Ha!' / Oh, I wish![1], and don't be jealous of me / I've suffered through many lifetimes / Not to mention this one[2], and, well, well[3], and the beyond the THREE? / 'Ha!' / Oh, I wish![2], and I've only got this ... spinning a-ROUND for YOU(!)[3], and it's fun, yes[3], and I know you've been looking for something because you're so empty inside, aren't you?[3], and it's a COLD WORLD, oh, where you're from[3], and I really, really love you a lot / and are you happy ... NOW?! / You should be[3], and it's warm here though / even HOT![3], and if you had any sense, any intelligence at all ... you'd be doing NOTHING but spinning[3], and ... just try it, please![3], and if you're at work, tell your boss to do one / oh, I'll speak to your wretched boss[3], and ... don't be afraid[3], and are you bored with your life? / Man, ah, the conceptual shit, we make our own entertainment, you dig?[3], and this ... is a safe place for you / and I am watching you / and I will never leave you alone[3], and YOU(!) ... get DIZZY(!) ... like a kook![3], and your family, your friends ... they can't control you, uh, now / and I will turn them away[3], and squares/losers won't do it, or can't do it, so sick![3], and don't forget the galaxies ... !!![3], and in the beginning it is just like the end / So, don't worry about the number ...[3], and trust me, please![3], and ... I AM A MASTER!!![3], and, obviously ... only God can judge me, but I can judge YOU(!) / Yes, it's the gift of high consciousness![3], and watch me spin ... NOW![3], and don't be jealous of me / I've suffered through many lifetimes / Not to mention this one[3], and the beyond the THREE? / 'Ha!' / Oh, I wish![3], and

Tecum Capital Partners II - ?!

Yeah, it's a new fund from Tecum Capital. Their second fund, believe it or not. 'I believe it, boss! Look at the II - !!!' Yeah, man, I'm looking. It's very convincing. It's the sort of thing you would put there if you wanted people to believe that you were launching your second fund. / Anyway ...

Tecum Capital is an independent investment firm based in Pittsburgh, PA with over $450 million in assets under management. Tecum is a multi-strategy investor with three funds, Tecum Capital Partners I, Tecum Capital Partners II and Tecum Equity, all of which focus on investing private capital in lower middle market companies that are based in the U.S.

Nice. From their website. Uh ...

Tecum Capital Partners II is a $225 million SBIC fund that focuses on making mezzanine debt and minority equity investments. We partner with independent sponsors, family offices, private equity funds, and management teams to facilitate recapitalizations, buyouts, generational transitions, acquisitions, and other growth capital needs. Our investment size is $3 million to $15 million per transaction and the companies we finance have EBITDA of at least $2 million.

Very nice. And that's everything you need to know, dear reader(s). It goes without saying that I wish them all the best. Why would I wish them all the worst? 'That would be nuts, boss.' Yeah. So ... whatever, yeah? I'm not really in the mood this morning. 'Why?' I'm looking out of the window, Voice.

...

Well, well ... a cloudy day. 'Ha!' What kind of weather is this? It's supposed to be summer, man.

Never mind.

Anything else? Music? Oh, I've put some new strings on my guitar. Some new Elixirs. 'Great!' They're expensive though. I broke one string, putting it on. I had to take a string from another packet. And now I've had to order online one new string. Just one string! But it's better than buying a whole set, you dig? / But it's my problem, man. You really shouldn't worry about it, dear reader(s).

Anything else? Politics? Fuck politics, yeah? What do you think I am, dear reader(s), eh? Some schnook that ain't aware of the two trillion galaxies in the universe? Have a word with yourself! FFS!

Anything else? 'Ha!' The sad truth is, there's nothing else. There never is. There never was. 'You tell them, Mikey!' Sometimes I enjoy playing a trick on you, pretending that there's something else. But look around, dear reader(s). There is nothing else. 'FFS!' You need to grow up, son. 'Daughter.' Or daughter.

Laters.

[No. 509] Two trillion galaxies!

For the squares, my kooks. Oh, I can't stress this enough. Galaxies? There are two trillion of them!

And, hello ... YOU(!) - !!![1], and, yes, yes, yes ... STOP(!) what you're thinking, please![1], and, hello ... YOU(!) - !!![2], and even your feelings aren't right, really ...[1], and, yes, yes, yes ... STOP(!) what you're thinking, please![2], and, of course, YOU(!) can try to spin ... but, please, no more of your awful thinking[1], and even your feelings aren't right, really ...[2], and, uh ... "What's the fucking problem?!"[1], and, of course, YOU(!) can try to spin ... but, please, no more of your awful thinking[2], and such vulgarity![1], and, uh ... "What's the fucking problem?!"[2], and, well ... the problem is, you're living in a universe that contains two trillion galaxies - at least![1], and such vulgarity![2], and, Christ! ... "So what?!"[1], and, well ... the problem is, you're living in a universe that contains two trillion galaxies - at least![2], and, God give me strength! ... you seem determined to continue with your small ways[1], and, Christ! ... "So what?!"[2], and ... 'And their small thoughts, boss!'[1], and, God give me strength! ... you seem determined to continue with your small ways[2], and, yes ... your thoughts are very small / and have you looked at the universe at all?[1], and ... 'And their small thoughts, boss!'[2], and maybe one cold, lonely night ...[1], and, yes ... your thoughts are very small / and have you looked at the universe at all?[2], and, why do I bother? ... "Oh, leave me alone, I'm reading the newspaper"[1], and maybe one cold, lonely night ...[2], and, yes ... that's the real tragedy[1], and, why do I bother? ... "Oh, leave me alone, I'm reading the newspaper"[2], and I give up, kooks / I do, seriously[1], and, yes ... that's the real tragedy[2], and I am NUMBER ONE, so ...[1], and I give up, kooks / I do, seriously[2], and I will prepare my consciousness[1], and I am NUMBER ONE, so ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and where's my spaceship?[1], and I will prepare my consciousness[2], and I need it - NOW![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and where's my spaceship?[2], and ... 'Wake up! Your soul is the spaceship, boss, and death is the launch pad!'[1], and I need it - NOW![2], and, er ...[1], and ... 'Wake up! Your soul is the spaceship, boss, and death is the launch pad!'[2], and ... death is the launch pad?! / and, well, whatever, Voice / How do you know?[1], and, er ...[2], and ... 'Take a good look at me, Mikey'[1], and ... death is the launch pad?! / and, well, whatever, Voice / How do you know?[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... I can't see you, man[1], and ... 'Take a good look at me, Mikey'[2], and ... 'Exactly! / Think on!'[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... I can't see you, man[2], and ... oh![1], and ... 'Exactly! / Think on!'[2], and, obviously, squares, it's okay if I think BECAUSE(!) ... I'm actually rather good at it, you dig?[1], and ... oh![2], and bye for now[1], and, obviously, squares, it's okay if I think BECAUSE(!) ... I'm actually rather good at it, you dig?[2], and, hello ... YOU(!) - !!![3], and bye for now[2], and, yes, yes, yes ... STOP(!) what you're thinking, please![3], and even your feelings aren't right, really ...[3], and, of course, YOU(!) can try to spin ... but, please, no more of your awful thinking[3], and, uh ... "What's the fucking problem?!"[3], and such vulgarity![3], and, well ... the problem is, you're living in a universe that contains two trillion galaxies - at least![3], and, Christ! ... "So what?!"[3], and, God give me strength! ... you seem determined to continue with your small ways[3], and ... 'And their small thoughts, boss!'[3], and, yes ... your thoughts are very small / and have you looked at the universe at all?[3], and maybe one cold, lonely night ...[3], and, why do I bother? ... "Oh, leave me alone, I'm reading the newspaper"[3], and, yes ... that's the real tragedy[3], and I give up, kooks / I do, seriously[3], and I am NUMBER ONE, so ...[3], and I will prepare my consciousness[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and where's my spaceship?[3], and I need it - NOW![3], and ... 'Wake up! Your soul is the spaceship, boss, and death is the launch pad!'[3], and, er ...[3], and ... death is the launch pad?! / and, well, whatever, Voice / How do you know?[3], and ... 'Take a good look at me, Mikey'[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... I can't see you, man[3], and ... 'Exactly! / Think on!'[3], and ... oh![3], and, obviously, squares, it's okay if I think BECAUSE(!) ... I'm actually rather good at it, you dig?[3], and bye for now[3], and

And, hello ... YOU(!) - !!![1], and, yes, yes, yes ... STOP(!) what you're thinking, please![1], and, hello ... YOU(!) - !!![2], and even your feelings aren't right, really ...[1], and, yes, yes, yes ... STOP(!) what you're thinking, please![2], and, of course, YOU(!) can try to spin ... but, please, no more of your awful thinking[1], and even your feelings aren't right, really ...[2], and, uh ... "What's the fucking problem?!"[1], and, of course, YOU(!) can try to spin ... but, please, no more of your awful thinking[2], and such vulgarity![1], and, uh ... "What's the fucking problem?!"[2], and, well ... the problem is, you're living in a universe that contains two trillion galaxies - at least![1], and such vulgarity![2], and, Christ! ... "So what?!"[1], and, well ... the problem is, you're living in a universe that contains two trillion galaxies - at least![2], and, God give me strength! ... you seem determined to continue with your small ways[1], and, Christ! ... "So what?!"[2], and ... 'And their small thoughts, boss!'[1], and, God give me strength! ... you seem determined to continue with your small ways[2], and, yes ... your thoughts are very small / and have you looked at the universe at all?[1], and ... 'And their small thoughts, boss!'[2], and maybe one cold, lonely night ...[1], and, yes ... your thoughts are very small / and have you looked at the universe at all?[2], and, why do I bother? ... "Oh, leave me alone, I'm reading the newspaper"[1], and maybe one cold, lonely night ...[2], and, yes ... that's the real tragedy[1], and, why do I bother? ... "Oh, leave me alone, I'm reading the newspaper"[2], and I give up, kooks / I do, seriously[1], and, yes ... that's the real tragedy[2], and I am NUMBER ONE, so ...[1], and I give up, kooks / I do, seriously[2], and I will prepare my consciousness[1], and I am NUMBER ONE, so ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and where's my spaceship?[1], and I will prepare my consciousness[2], and I need it - NOW![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and where's my spaceship?[2], and ... 'Wake up! Your soul is the spaceship, boss, and death is the launch pad!'[1], and I need it - NOW![2], and, er ...[1], and ... 'Wake up! Your soul is the spaceship, boss, and death is the launch pad!'[2], and ... death is the launch pad?! / and, well, whatever, Voice / How do you know?[1], and, er ...[2], and ... 'Take a good look at me, Mikey'[1], and ... death is the launch pad?! / and, well, whatever, Voice / How do you know?[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... I can't see you, man[1], and ... 'Take a good look at me, Mikey'[2], and ... 'Exactly! / Think on!'[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... I can't see you, man[2], and ... oh![1], and ... 'Exactly! / Think on!'[2], and, obviously, squares, it's okay if I think BECAUSE(!) ... I'm actually rather good at it, you dig?[1], and ... oh![2], and bye for now[1], and, obviously, squares, it's okay if I think BECAUSE(!) ... I'm actually rather good at it, you dig?[2], and, hello ... YOU(!) - !!![3], and bye for now[2], and, yes, yes, yes ... STOP(!) what you're thinking, please![3], and even your feelings aren't right, really ...[3], and, of course, YOU(!) can try to spin ... but, please, no more of your awful thinking[3], and, uh ... "What's the fucking problem?!"[3], and such vulgarity![3], and, well ... the problem is, you're living in a universe that contains two trillion galaxies - at least![3], and, Christ! ... "So what?!"[3], and, God give me strength! ... you seem determined to continue with your small ways[3], and ... 'And their small thoughts, boss!'[3], and, yes ... your thoughts are very small / and have you looked at the universe at all?[3], and maybe one cold, lonely night ...[3], and, why do I bother? ... "Oh, leave me alone, I'm reading the newspaper"[3], and, yes ... that's the real tragedy[3], and I give up, kooks / I do, seriously[3], and I am NUMBER ONE, so ...[3], and I will prepare my consciousness[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and where's my spaceship?[3], and I need it - NOW![3], and ... 'Wake up! Your soul is the spaceship, boss, and death is the launch pad!'[3], and, er ...[3], and ... death is the launch pad?! / and, well, whatever, Voice / How do you know?[3], and ... 'Take a good look at me, Mikey'[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... I can't see you, man[3], and ... 'Exactly! / Think on!'[3], and ... oh![3], and, obviously, squares, it's okay if I think BECAUSE(!) ... I'm actually rather good at it, you dig?[3], and bye for now[3], and

And, hello ... YOU(!) - !!![1], and, yes, yes, yes ... STOP(!) what you're thinking, please![1], and, hello ... YOU(!) - !!![2], and even your feelings aren't right, really ...[1], and, yes, yes, yes ... STOP(!) what you're thinking, please![2], and, of course, YOU(!) can try to spin ... but, please, no more of your awful thinking[1], and even your feelings aren't right, really ...[2], and, uh ... "What's the fucking problem?!"[1], and, of course, YOU(!) can try to spin ... but, please, no more of your awful thinking[2], and such vulgarity![1], and, uh ... "What's the fucking problem?!"[2], and, well ... the problem is, you're living in a universe that contains two trillion galaxies - at least![1], and such vulgarity![2], and, Christ! ... "So what?!"[1], and, well ... the problem is, you're living in a universe that contains two trillion galaxies - at least![2], and, God give me strength! ... you seem determined to continue with your small ways[1], and, Christ! ... "So what?!"[2], and ... 'And their small thoughts, boss!'[1], and, God give me strength! ... you seem determined to continue with your small ways[2], and, yes ... your thoughts are very small / and have you looked at the universe at all?[1], and ... 'And their small thoughts, boss!'[2], and maybe one cold, lonely night ...[1], and, yes ... your thoughts are very small / and have you looked at the universe at all?[2], and, why do I bother? ... "Oh, leave me alone, I'm reading the newspaper"[1], and maybe one cold, lonely night ...[2], and, yes ... that's the real tragedy[1], and, why do I bother? ... "Oh, leave me alone, I'm reading the newspaper"[2], and I give up, kooks / I do, seriously[1], and, yes ... that's the real tragedy[2], and I am NUMBER ONE, so ...[1], and I give up, kooks / I do, seriously[2], and I will prepare my consciousness[1], and I am NUMBER ONE, so ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and where's my spaceship?[1], and I will prepare my consciousness[2], and I need it - NOW![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and where's my spaceship?[2], and ... 'Wake up! Your soul is the spaceship, boss, and death is the launch pad!'[1], and I need it - NOW![2], and, er ...[1], and ... 'Wake up! Your soul is the spaceship, boss, and death is the launch pad!'[2], and ... death is the launch pad?! / and, well, whatever, Voice / How do you know?[1], and, er ...[2], and ... 'Take a good look at me, Mikey'[1], and ... death is the launch pad?! / and, well, whatever, Voice / How do you know?[2], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... I can't see you, man[1], and ... 'Take a good look at me, Mikey'[2], and ... 'Exactly! / Think on!'[1], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... I can't see you, man[2], and ... oh![1], and ... 'Exactly! / Think on!'[2], and, obviously, squares, it's okay if I think BECAUSE(!) ... I'm actually rather good at it, you dig?[1], and ... oh![2], and bye for now[1], and, obviously, squares, it's okay if I think BECAUSE(!) ... I'm actually rather good at it, you dig?[2], and, hello ... YOU(!) - !!![3], and bye for now[2], and, yes, yes, yes ... STOP(!) what you're thinking, please![3], and even your feelings aren't right, really ...[3], and, of course, YOU(!) can try to spin ... but, please, no more of your awful thinking[3], and, uh ... "What's the fucking problem?!"[3], and such vulgarity![3], and, well ... the problem is, you're living in a universe that contains two trillion galaxies - at least![3], and, Christ! ... "So what?!"[3], and, God give me strength! ... you seem determined to continue with your small ways[3], and ... 'And their small thoughts, boss!'[3], and, yes ... your thoughts are very small / and have you looked at the universe at all?[3], and maybe one cold, lonely night ...[3], and, why do I bother? ... "Oh, leave me alone, I'm reading the newspaper"[3], and, yes ... that's the real tragedy[3], and I give up, kooks / I do, seriously[3], and I am NUMBER ONE, so ...[3], and I will prepare my consciousness[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and where's my spaceship?[3], and I need it - NOW![3], and ... 'Wake up! Your soul is the spaceship, boss, and death is the launch pad!'[3], and, er ...[3], and ... death is the launch pad?! / and, well, whatever, Voice / How do you know?[3], and ... 'Take a good look at me, Mikey'[3], and, but, but, BUT(!) ... I can't see you, man[3], and ... 'Exactly! / Think on!'[3], and ... oh![3], and, obviously, squares, it's okay if I think BECAUSE(!) ... I'm actually rather good at it, you dig?[3], and bye for now[3], and

Metrica Partners - ?!

Yes, dear reader(s), it's, uh ... a new fund. Some sort of event-driven equity fund, or so they say. 'They?' Yeah. He's been preparing it for a few months now. It will probably launch in a couple of weeks, I don't know. 'Who?! What?! Boss, what is this all about?' Metrica Partners. 'And who's been preparing it?!' Oh, Damian Edwards. He used to be a managing director at Royal Bank of Canada, but now he's got his own thing going on, his own fund. 'Oh.' Good luck to him! That's what I say. 'Who said that?' Er, me. Good luck to him! That was me, Voice. 'Oh.' Christ!

Well, well ... / Anyway, it's in Singapore, this fund. It's going to be investing in Japan and Hong Kong. And it has $25 million in assets under management, which isn't very much at all. 'Is it his own money, boss?' I've no idea, Voice. But I'm pretty sure our Damian will want more than that. 'Give him time.' Well, let's see how it goes, man. We shouldn't judge him too soon. 'No.' Maybe someone will give him more money. 'Like who?!' I don't know. Some investor.

...

Anything else? Politics? Jesus H. - ! Theresa May? She was ranting and raving outside 10 Downing Street yesterday, like a pound shop Donald Trump. 'Ha!' Bloody Brexit again! It was so embarrassing, reader(s). I had to watch it through my fingers. Oh, my dear foreign readers: we're not all like that, you know, us Brits. Some of us are quite normal. / It's funny. I used to look at David Cameron and George Osborne and shake my head. But now I look at them and think: Wow! They were statesmen. 'Ha!' That's the thing about conservatism. You think you've seen the very worst of it, and then another total fucking idiot comes along and says, "Hold my beer!"

...

What else? Music? What am I listening to? I ain't got nothing on, so ... / My music? 'Ha!' Shut up! Well, the same old thing, I suppose. Just strumming the guitar and singing and that. I haven't got any news, really. So ...

Laters, yeah?

Vendep Capital launches a €40 million venture fund!

Well, well ... / Yippee! Uh ... to boost growth in early-stage software companies. There's no harm in it, I suppose. 'Christ! Boss, why are you always writing about Finnish companies?' I'm not! 'Well, this is the second time.' So? One more time won't hurt anyone.

The fund with the target size of €40 million will invest mainly in Finnish startups offering software to B2B customers. The investors are Finnish institutional investors, foundations, family offices and private investors.

PR emails. This is what they send me, Voice. 'You've had other emails, man. What's wrong with British firms?' Nothing. 'What's been happening at Aviva Investors lately?' I don't know. 'Do you even have any Finnish readers?' Listen, son, I've got loads of Finnish readers. I am the world's foremost financial shaman, you dig? That means I write for the whole world, and the whole world reads me. And I'm a citizen of the world! 'You're a citizen of nowhere!' Ha! That's great! I love being a citizen of ... NOWHERE - !!!

Anyway ...

By the first closing at the end of April, Vendep Capital Fund II has received capital commitments worth over €30 million from more than 20 investors. The fund with the target size of €40 million will invest mainly in Finnish startups offering software to B2B customers. The investors are Finnish institutional investors, foundations, family offices and private investors.

Er ... 'They're repeating themselves. Maybe their English ain't so good.' Shut up, idiot! Repetition is wonderful! Yes, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and ... well, only twice, with a bit of variation. Not bad for beginners! / Anyway, let's do the rest of it -

Among the investors in Vendep Capital Fund II are for example Tesi (Finnish Industry Investment Ltd), KRR II, Elo Mutual Pension Insurance Company, The Finnish Innovation Fund Sitra, AI-Partners, and Gerako. The role of Tesi and KRR II as lead investors and their continuing support were vital for the success of the fundraising process. Other investors include foundations, such as the Gösta Serlachius Fine Arts Foundation and the Saastamoinen Foundation, and several private investors from Vendep's first fund (Vendep Startup Fund I). A number of the private investors invest in and work with startups, which helps to increase Vendep Capital's visibility to many sectors and improves deal flow. Vendep Capital's General Partners have made a commitment of €1 million in the fund.

Okay. There's a lot of it. I'll skip some. 'Good!' Okay, okay. What's this?

Vendep Capital's General Partners Jupe Arala, Hannu Kytölä, and Sakari Pihlava will all have an active role in the development of the portfolio companies. The goal is to accelerate growth and enable the companies to recruit the best professionals and attract the interest of international investors. In order to ensure international growth and the building of a successful international sales organization and contacts with international investors, Vendep Capital will employ its partner network based in London, Amsterdam, Berlin, and San Francisco.

You see, Voice? London, Amsterdam, Berlin, and San Francisco! 'Yeah. Great.' / I wonder if Sakari Pihlava has got anything to say ... 'Who?!' Sakari Pihlava.

"The Finnish venture capital market has a pre-series A funding gap. Startups have a hard time raising €0.5-2.5 million of financing that would help them reach the required size and validation for a series A investment round. Our new fund has been established precisely to fill this gap. We are very happy to see that so many investors in our first fund have made commitments in the new fund as well. Our first fund's portfolio includes several promising startups. Like AlphaSense, provider of a search engine for knowledge professionals, has exceeded our growth expectations and is the leading player in its field in the US. Right after this launch we are looking to strengthen our team by recruiting a new investment professional in our Helsinki office", says Vendep Capital's General Partner Sakari Pihlava.

Nice one, Sakari! 'Are we finished yet?' Finished? 'Is that the end of it?' What's your problem, man?

...

Well, that's enough, reader(s). I'm sure a few of you, maybe a lot of you, found it fascinating.

Anything else? Politics? Theresa May ate chips for the first time in her life yesterday. I eat chips practically every day. What does that tell you? 'That you're unhealthy, Mikey?' Shut up! It means I'm a man of the people, Voice. I have the common touch. I should be running for PM, not her.

Fertitta Capital - ?!

Oh, it's a new private investment firm. 'Nice.' Yeah. Over in America, somewhere. Probably Los Angeles. Formed by the Fertitta brothers, whoever they are. 'They're the Fertitta brothers, boss!' I wouldn't be surprised, Voice. / This new firm has $500 million, to start off with, and it's going to focus on consumer-facing companies in the technology, media, and entertainment sectors.

But who are they?! I know they have philosophy, man. But who are they?!

Who We Are

Fertitta Capital was formed by Frank Fertitta III, Lorenzo Fertitta and Nakisa Bidarian to pursue opportunistic direct investments in consumer-facing companies within the technology, media and entertainment ("TME") sectors. We invest throughout a company's lifecycle and across the capital structure. Our investment philosophy is driven by partnering with exceptional people who we believe can achieve extraordinary results.

Oh, thanks for that, guys! 'Was that them, boss?' It must have been. We both know, and the readers know, that strange voices can come from anywhere, but ... 'That must have been them.' Yes, I think so. It must have been them. Who else could it have been? 'Boss! -'

What We Offer

We provide bespoke solutions and strategic operating guidance to entrepreneurs, companies and investment partners. We do this by adhering to an investment philosophy that focuses on what you need, not just what we offer. Our access to permanent flexible capital, and a streamlined decision-making process, enables us to move quickly when evaluating opportunities. The combined team has over 100 years of advising, investing and operating experience in various sectors, with a proven track record of successful, industry-leading exits.

Bloody hell! They offer stuff, too. And they focus on what people need. Quite impressive! So, er ... is that it? / I said, is that it? / 'Hello, guys. Are you still there?' / Hello ... / 'They've gone, boss. That's all we're getting.' Well, okay. They're busy, no doubt.

...

Anything else? Music? I'm getting better on lead guitar. 'I thought you were already great on lead, Mikey?' You can always get better, son. I can improvise for four or five minutes at a time now, without making one mistake. I mean, just getting a string buzz is a mistake, really. I'm still not as melodic as I would like, but, but ... but ... I don't know how important this all is, anyway. 'What?!' Listen, Voice, reader(s), as long as I'm good at rhythm guitar and writing songs, like Dylan or Lennon or Marley, not much else matters, you dig? 'Yeah.' You can get obsessed with being a guitar wizard, but what is it worth at the end of the day? Guitar wizards are ten a penny, man.

Laters.