Brian Jorgenson gets two years in prison for insider trading!

Yeah. Two years. Last Friday, in court. / His mate, Sean Stokke, got eighteen months a couple of weeks ago. Not bad. It could have been worse, much worse. They could be doing twenty years. / This is over in America (where all the best and biggest scandals are). Brian Jorgenson worked at Microsoft as a corporate finance manager. Sean Stokke was a former colleague. Brian got all the inside information, and Sean did all the trading. 'Clever. Almost.' They made more than $400,000. (So, not really a big scandal then.) Maybe when they get out of prison they'll be able to write a book, like Jordan Belfort. 'I don't think their story is as exciting, boss.' Why not, Voice? 'Well, where are all the hookers, the dwarfs, the wrecked cars and yachts, the drugs?' Oh yeah, I see what you mean. They weren't thinking ahead, were they? And, of course, they made nowhere near enough money.

Dear oh dear ... / What does Donald Trump say? 'About this, Mikey?!' No, I mean, what does he say? 'About what? You've lost me.' Jesus! He says, Sweet Voice O' Mine ... YOU'VE GOT TO THINK BIG AND KICK ASS!!! 'Oh.' / Especially in America. Surely the biggest crime, in a lot of people's eyes over there, will be that Brian and Sean made so little money. 'And they didn't throw one dwarf at a target board.' Yes, that's worth remembering, man. Not one. Shocking!

'Anything else? / And there's more! 'Yippee!' The guys were hoping to start their own hedge fund. 'Oh no.' No, listen. It could have been great, you know? They could have employed people, and paid loads of tax. 'I suppose.' They would have been heroes instead of villains, if it had all worked out. 'There's a moral to this story somewhere, boss.' Is there, Voice?! 'Beats me. It's just something you say, isn't it?' Yeah. / But what a tragedy, eh?!

You won’t find anyone in the financial media questioning this nonsense

This nonsense, this nonsense here. / There is no recovery, man. Unemployment is not going down. It's all zero hours, and Workfare, and people being "disappeared". The Guardian writes about it (a bit). The Mirror writes about it (a bit more). But what about the financial media? Where are they on this issue? Are they working for the government?

This country is corrupt like a third world country, son (daughter). You can't trust anyone or anything. And it's all going down the toilet, in slow motion. I'm watching it, dear reader(s). Most people are asleep. (Are you asleep? I hope you are. I mean, I envy you if you are asleep.) / I was reading an article yesterday about Boris Johnson replacing David Cameron as PM, and then I thought to myself: Hang on a minute! They're saying one Bullingdon Club boy is going to replace another Bullingdon Club boy. What the fuck is going on?! 'Maybe George Osborne will take over, boss.' Yeah. He was in that blasted club too, Voice, you moron!

I give up! Even the Voice has fallen for the bullshit. / There's got to be a way out ... 'You reckon?'

...

Oh, by the way, I'm using my more expensive T-Mobile dongle thing (I wish they wouldn't call it that) today because Vodafone decided they wanted to take a day off. NO SIGNAL! Fair enough, I suppose. But why am I paying them £20 a month? 'You're doing it out of the kindness of your heart, Mikey.' Of course!

Don't tell me this is a great country, man, where everything is fine, where everyone can be trusted, where you don't get ripped off or fucked up at every opportunity.

I want to live in Malibu!!! 'How will Malibu be any different, boss?' Well, firstly, Voice, I'll be rich. But, secondly, they've got that sheriff there, ain't they? He'll deal with any problems. 'Oh yeah, I forgot.'

Keep your ugly fucking goldbricking ass out of my beach community, Lebowski!

Or to paraphrase -

Mr Fowke draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, Lebowski.

Rant over.

[No. 240] Who is Tommy Lack?

I guess we'll never know.

And here is Tommy a-ROUND ... in all his glory[1], and no one knows him, I'm sure[1], and here is Tommy a-ROUND ... in all his glory[2], and do we have any desire, really, to know who this Tommy Lack is?[1], and no one knows him, I'm sure[2], and / how many times, must a spinner ... spin?[1], and do we have any desire, really, to know who this Tommy Lack is?[2], and I don't wanna hear nothing about Brewin Dolphin, thank you! / I've had it up to ... there![1], and / how many times, must a spinner ... spin?[2], and DIZZY is as DIZZY does[1], and I don't wanna hear nothing about Brewin Dolphin, thank you! / I've had it up to ... there![2], and / I ask YOU(!): Are we looking for answers ... or merely entertainment, a distraction from our despair?[1], and DIZZY is as DIZZY does[2], and / Who are you, by the way?[1], and / I ask YOU(!): Are we looking for answers ... or merely entertainment, a distraction from our despair?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... will it save us? / and will it help our Tommy?[1], and / Who are you, by the way?[2], and if Tommy knows himself, is that the best we can hope for?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... will it save us? / and will it help our Tommy?[2], and / However, there is no evidence that Tommy has any awareness of his own existence, so ...[1], and if Tommy knows himself, is that the best we can hope for?[2], and should we pity him, or envy him?[1], and / However, there is no evidence that Tommy has any awareness of his own existence, so ...[2], and I'm looking after NUMBER ONE / Yes, it's a cruel world, my friend(s)[1], and should we pity him, or envy him?[2], and maybe we can all forget ourselves and be NOTHING[1], and I'm looking after NUMBER ONE / Yes, it's a cruel world, my friend(s)[2], and ... one more time a-ROUND should do it - ?[1], and maybe we can all forget ourselves and be NOTHING[2], and / there's a better life beyond the THREE, you know[1], and ... one more time a-ROUND should do it - ?[2], and here is Tommy a-ROUND ... in all his glory[3], and / there's a better life beyond the THREE, you know[2], and no one knows him, I'm sure[3], and do we have any desire, really, to know who this Tommy Lack is?[3], and / how many times, must a spinner ... spin?[3], and I don't wanna hear nothing about Brewin Dolphin, thank you! / I've had it up to ... there![3], and DIZZY is as DIZZY does[3], and / I ask YOU(!): Are we looking for answers ... or merely entertainment, a distraction from our despair?[3], and / Who are you, by the way?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... will it save us? / and will it help our Tommy?[3], and if Tommy knows himself, is that the best we can hope for?[3], and / However, there is no evidence that Tommy has any awareness of his own existence, so ...[3], and should we pity him, or envy him?[3], and I'm looking after NUMBER ONE / Yes, it's a cruel world, my friend(s)[3], and maybe we can all forget ourselves and be NOTHING[3], and ... one more time a-ROUND should do it - ?[3], and / there's a better life beyond the THREE, you know[3], and

And here is Tommy a-ROUND ... in all his glory[1], and no one knows him, I'm sure[1], and here is Tommy a-ROUND ... in all his glory[2], and do we have any desire, really, to know who this Tommy Lack is?[1], and no one knows him, I'm sure[2], and / how many times, must a spinner ... spin?[1], and do we have any desire, really, to know who this Tommy Lack is?[2], and I don't wanna hear nothing about Brewin Dolphin, thank you! / I've had it up to ... there![1], and / how many times, must a spinner ... spin?[2], and DIZZY is as DIZZY does[1], and I don't wanna hear nothing about Brewin Dolphin, thank you! / I've had it up to ... there![2], and / I ask YOU(!): Are we looking for answers ... or merely entertainment, a distraction from our despair?[1], and DIZZY is as DIZZY does[2], and / Who are you, by the way?[1], and / I ask YOU(!): Are we looking for answers ... or merely entertainment, a distraction from our despair?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... will it save us? / and will it help our Tommy?[1], and / Who are you, by the way?[2], and if Tommy knows himself, is that the best we can hope for?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... will it save us? / and will it help our Tommy?[2], and / However, there is no evidence that Tommy has any awareness of his own existence, so ...[1], and if Tommy knows himself, is that the best we can hope for?[2], and should we pity him, or envy him?[1], and / However, there is no evidence that Tommy has any awareness of his own existence, so ...[2], and I'm looking after NUMBER ONE / Yes, it's a cruel world, my friend(s)[1], and should we pity him, or envy him?[2], and maybe we can all forget ourselves and be NOTHING[1], and I'm looking after NUMBER ONE / Yes, it's a cruel world, my friend(s)[2], and ... one more time a-ROUND should do it - ?[1], and maybe we can all forget ourselves and be NOTHING[2], and / there's a better life beyond the THREE, you know[1], and ... one more time a-ROUND should do it - ?[2], and here is Tommy a-ROUND ... in all his glory[3], and / there's a better life beyond the THREE, you know[2], and no one knows him, I'm sure[3], and do we have any desire, really, to know who this Tommy Lack is?[3], and / how many times, must a spinner ... spin?[3], and I don't wanna hear nothing about Brewin Dolphin, thank you! / I've had it up to ... there![3], and DIZZY is as DIZZY does[3], and / I ask YOU(!): Are we looking for answers ... or merely entertainment, a distraction from our despair?[3], and / Who are you, by the way?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... will it save us? / and will it help our Tommy?[3], and if Tommy knows himself, is that the best we can hope for?[3], and / However, there is no evidence that Tommy has any awareness of his own existence, so ...[3], and should we pity him, or envy him?[3], and I'm looking after NUMBER ONE / Yes, it's a cruel world, my friend(s)[3], and maybe we can all forget ourselves and be NOTHING[3], and ... one more time a-ROUND should do it - ?[3], and / there's a better life beyond the THREE, you know[3], and

And here is Tommy a-ROUND ... in all his glory[1], and no one knows him, I'm sure[1], and here is Tommy a-ROUND ... in all his glory[2], and do we have any desire, really, to know who this Tommy Lack is?[1], and no one knows him, I'm sure[2], and / how many times, must a spinner ... spin?[1], and do we have any desire, really, to know who this Tommy Lack is?[2], and I don't wanna hear nothing about Brewin Dolphin, thank you! / I've had it up to ... there![1], and / how many times, must a spinner ... spin?[2], and DIZZY is as DIZZY does[1], and I don't wanna hear nothing about Brewin Dolphin, thank you! / I've had it up to ... there![2], and / I ask YOU(!): Are we looking for answers ... or merely entertainment, a distraction from our despair?[1], and DIZZY is as DIZZY does[2], and / Who are you, by the way?[1], and / I ask YOU(!): Are we looking for answers ... or merely entertainment, a distraction from our despair?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... will it save us? / and will it help our Tommy?[1], and / Who are you, by the way?[2], and if Tommy knows himself, is that the best we can hope for?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... will it save us? / and will it help our Tommy?[2], and / However, there is no evidence that Tommy has any awareness of his own existence, so ...[1], and if Tommy knows himself, is that the best we can hope for?[2], and should we pity him, or envy him?[1], and / However, there is no evidence that Tommy has any awareness of his own existence, so ...[2], and I'm looking after NUMBER ONE / Yes, it's a cruel world, my friend(s)[1], and should we pity him, or envy him?[2], and maybe we can all forget ourselves and be NOTHING[1], and I'm looking after NUMBER ONE / Yes, it's a cruel world, my friend(s)[2], and ... one more time a-ROUND should do it - ?[1], and maybe we can all forget ourselves and be NOTHING[2], and / there's a better life beyond the THREE, you know[1], and ... one more time a-ROUND should do it - ?[2], and here is Tommy a-ROUND ... in all his glory[3], and / there's a better life beyond the THREE, you know[2], and no one knows him, I'm sure[3], and do we have any desire, really, to know who this Tommy Lack is?[3], and / how many times, must a spinner ... spin?[3], and I don't wanna hear nothing about Brewin Dolphin, thank you! / I've had it up to ... there![3], and DIZZY is as DIZZY does[3], and / I ask YOU(!): Are we looking for answers ... or merely entertainment, a distraction from our despair?[3], and / Who are you, by the way?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... will it save us? / and will it help our Tommy?[3], and if Tommy knows himself, is that the best we can hope for?[3], and / However, there is no evidence that Tommy has any awareness of his own existence, so ...[3], and should we pity him, or envy him?[3], and I'm looking after NUMBER ONE / Yes, it's a cruel world, my friend(s)[3], and maybe we can all forget ourselves and be NOTHING[3], and ... one more time a-ROUND should do it - ?[3], and / there's a better life beyond the THREE, you know[3], and

Thomas Lack has been at Brewin Dolphin since June!

June ... ... ... / Yeah, Tommy has been at Brewin Dolphin since June! No one told me, dear reader(s). Why am I always the last one to know? / Tommy is the new chief operating officer. He used to work at Coutts. 'What, Mikey?!?!' Coutts, Voice. 'Oh.' Yeah, he was the head of wealth management operations there, for just over a year. Before that, he was at Royal Bank of Scotland, for a while. Well, ten years or so. He must have liked it there. 'This is all very interesting, boss.' And he was at Morgan Stanley and UBS, too. He studied physics at Oxford. 'Nice.' He was in the rowing society or something. Always getting into arguments. It was the wine that did it. 'Never mind.' Water under the bridge now, BUT(!) ... and it's a big BUT ... no one seems to know who Thomas Lack is. 'Ah. The old problem. Who have you spoken to?' I haven't spoken to anyone, Voice. I instinctively know that no one knows. 'You and your instincts!' Yes, me and my instincts, you little idiot! My instincts have never let me down. Don't forget that I'm one of the most powerful mystics of all time. 'Like Rasputin!' Well, I suppose ...

Rasputin ... ... ... / I know things even when I don't know! I can take a man like Tommy Lack - a man who barely exists - and I can know that maybe ... there is NOTHING to know, you dig?

...

Anything else?

Who says the space people have got no eyes? Not me! I would never say that. / Bowie in the Seventies, out of his mind on coke. However, it's a good question.

I've been flicking through Paul Trynka's book on David Bowie, Starman. (I've read it before.) / I'm glad he thinks so highly of Bowie's Absolute Beginners song. I actually think it's Bowie's best song. It seems to be underrated for some reason. Maybe because it's attached to a mediocre film.

My music? Well ... I did some lead guitar improvising on the blues scale last night which was way beyond the ability I was hoping for just a month ago. And that's only on an acoustic. It will be even better on a Telecaster, if I ever get one ... / However, I still haven't recorded my best song You're Lying yet. (It's been too hot, and I need the fan on.) I'll try again soon. I'm still convinced it's one of the greatest songs ever written. I'm talking top five, up there with My Funny Valentine and shit. I've got to get the recording right though, you dig? No prisoners!

...

'Er ... anything else, boss?' Not until later, man. Laters ...

Peter Borish is working at Quad Advisors now

I thought he was working with my old mate Paul at Touradji Capital Management, as chief executive. I can't keep up! It seems Pete is recruiting new hedge funds for Quad Advisors and doing a bit of life coaching on the side or something, like Tony Robbins. 'Ha!' I just ... / And Quad Advisors is a "hedge fund incubator", for the love of Christ. I mean ... It's amazing what these firms call themselves, ain't it? / Oh, it's an insane world.

...

Anything else? / Yeah, a short post today, reader(s), that's all. I've got different fish to fry. But I'll be back tomorrow with my regular nonsense. (Well, it's not actually my nonsense. It belongs to the financial media. I merely twist it a bit until it starts to make ... a little sense, you dig? / But not too much sense. I am a genius, but perhaps not a godlike genius. 'I thought ... - ?!' Well, yeah, I'm definitely a godlike genius, Voice. However, there's no godlike genius in the whole of history [that I'm aware of] who would have been able to do more with the material that the media gives me. Slags that they are, yeah? 'You do the best you can, boss.') For my sins.

Music? I ain't listening to no music, son. I'm sitting in front of my laptop in TOTAL SILENCE. That's the way I like it sometimes. I'm eccentric. So what?

Well, anyway, laters ...

[No. 239] All dead sharks must believe in death eventually

Look into their eyes!

And dead sharks do not go gentle ...[1], and they swim a-ROUND our souls, don't they? / Making a nuisance of themselves ...[1], and dead sharks do not go gentle ...[2], and the final death is a disappointment / would you accept it, after many happy years of biting people?[1], and they swim a-ROUND our souls, don't they? / Making a nuisance of themselves ...[2], and every dead shark has its day / and every dead eye will follow you as long as it can[1], and the final death is a disappointment / would you accept it, after many happy years of biting people?[2], and a-ROUND us, here[1], and every dead shark has its day / and every dead eye will follow you as long as it can[2], and is there anything to fear? That all depends on YOU(!) / Personally, I have no fear[1], and a-ROUND us, here[2], and you know me, I'll take to the astral sea with any of these mofos[1], and is there anything to fear? That all depends on YOU(!) / Personally, I have no fear[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... YOU(!) ... in the whirlpool, loving it[1], and you know me, I'll take to the astral sea with any of these mofos[2], and ... / be careful though![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... YOU(!) ... in the whirlpool, loving it[2], and / here is a dead shark / looking for money / yeah, it wants an arm and a leg[1], and ... / be careful though![2], and it's all red now, a-ROUND, yes, well ...[1], and here is a dead shark / looking for money / yeah, it wants an arm and a leg[2], and when there's blood in the water, you've got to look out for number one - me![1], and it's all red now, a-ROUND, yes, well ...[2], and I'll kill it, oh, kill it, kill it for good, kill it until it knows it's dead[1], and when there's blood in the water, you've got to look out for number one - me![2], and where do the dead sharks go when it's all over for them? / 'Beyond nightmares, perhaps?'[1], and I'll kill it, oh, kill it, kill it for good, kill it until it knows it's dead[2], and there it goes ... floating to the bottom of our subconsciousness nesses ness ...[1], and where do the dead sharks go when it's all over for them? / 'Beyond nightmares, perhaps?'[2], and it's ... all over now, all over now, all over now - ? / 'There'll be others, boss' / Yes, of course ...[1], and there it goes ... floating to the bottom of our subconsciousness nesses ness ...[2], and dead sharks do not go gentle ...[3], and it's ... all over now, all over now, all over now - ? / 'There'll be others, boss' / Yes, of course ...[2], and they swim a-ROUND our souls, don't they? / Making a nuisance of themselves ...[3], and the final death is a disappointment / would you accept it, after many happy years of biting people?[3], and every dead shark has its day / and every dead eye will follow you as long as it can[3], and a-ROUND us, here[3], and is there anything to fear? That all depends on YOU(!) / Personally, I have no fear[3], and you know me, I'll take to the astral sea with any of these mofos[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... YOU(!) ... in the whirlpool, loving it[3], and ... / be careful though![3], and here is a dead shark / looking for money / yeah, it wants an arm and a leg[3], and it's all red now, a-ROUND, yes, well ...[3], and when there's blood in the water, you've got to look out for number one - me![3], and I'll kill it, oh, kill it, kill it for good, kill it until it knows it's dead[3], and where do the dead sharks go when it's all over for them? / 'Beyond nightmares, perhaps?'[3], and there it goes ... floating to the bottom of our subconsciousness nesses ness ...[3], and it's ... all over now, all over now, all over now - ? / 'There'll be others, boss' / Yes, of course ...[3], and

And dead sharks do not go gentle ...[1], and they swim a-ROUND our souls, don't they? / Making a nuisance of themselves ...[1], and dead sharks do not go gentle ...[2], and the final death is a disappointment / would you accept it, after many happy years of biting people?[1], and they swim a-ROUND our souls, don't they? / Making a nuisance of themselves ...[2], and every dead shark has its day / and every dead eye will follow you as long as it can[1], and the final death is a disappointment / would you accept it, after many happy years of biting people?[2], and a-ROUND us, here[1], and every dead shark has its day / and every dead eye will follow you as long as it can[2], and is there anything to fear? That all depends on YOU(!) / Personally, I have no fear[1], and a-ROUND us, here[2], and you know me, I'll take to the astral sea with any of these mofos[1], and is there anything to fear? That all depends on YOU(!) / Personally, I have no fear[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... YOU(!) ... in the whirlpool, loving it[1], and you know me, I'll take to the astral sea with any of these mofos[2], and ... / be careful though![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... YOU(!) ... in the whirlpool, loving it[2], and / here is a dead shark / looking for money / yeah, it wants an arm and a leg[1], and ... / be careful though![2], and it's all red now, a-ROUND, yes, well ...[1], and here is a dead shark / looking for money / yeah, it wants an arm and a leg[2], and when there's blood in the water, you've got to look out for number one - me![1], and it's all red now, a-ROUND, yes, well ...[2], and I'll kill it, oh, kill it, kill it for good, kill it until it knows it's dead[1], and when there's blood in the water, you've got to look out for number one - me![2], and where do the dead sharks go when it's all over for them? / 'Beyond nightmares, perhaps?'[1], and I'll kill it, oh, kill it, kill it for good, kill it until it knows it's dead[2], and there it goes ... floating to the bottom of our subconsciousness nesses ness ...[1], and where do the dead sharks go when it's all over for them? / 'Beyond nightmares, perhaps?'[2], and it's ... all over now, all over now, all over now - ? / 'There'll be others, boss' / Yes, of course ...[1], and there it goes ... floating to the bottom of our subconsciousness nesses ness ...[2], and dead sharks do not go gentle ...[3], and it's ... all over now, all over now, all over now - ? / 'There'll be others, boss' / Yes, of course ...[2], and they swim a-ROUND our souls, don't they? / Making a nuisance of themselves ...[3], and the final death is a disappointment / would you accept it, after many happy years of biting people?[3], and every dead shark has its day / and every dead eye will follow you as long as it can[3], and a-ROUND us, here[3], and is there anything to fear? That all depends on YOU(!) / Personally, I have no fear[3], and you know me, I'll take to the astral sea with any of these mofos[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... YOU(!) ... in the whirlpool, loving it[3], and ... / be careful though![3], and here is a dead shark / looking for money / yeah, it wants an arm and a leg[3], and it's all red now, a-ROUND, yes, well ...[3], and when there's blood in the water, you've got to look out for number one - me![3], and I'll kill it, oh, kill it, kill it for good, kill it until it knows it's dead[3], and where do the dead sharks go when it's all over for them? / 'Beyond nightmares, perhaps?'[3], and there it goes ... floating to the bottom of our subconsciousness nesses ness ...[3], and it's ... all over now, all over now, all over now - ? / 'There'll be others, boss' / Yes, of course ...[3], and

And dead sharks do not go gentle ...[1], and they swim a-ROUND our souls, don't they? / Making a nuisance of themselves ...[1], and dead sharks do not go gentle ...[2], and the final death is a disappointment / would you accept it, after many happy years of biting people?[1], and they swim a-ROUND our souls, don't they? / Making a nuisance of themselves ...[2], and every dead shark has its day / and every dead eye will follow you as long as it can[1], and the final death is a disappointment / would you accept it, after many happy years of biting people?[2], and a-ROUND us, here[1], and every dead shark has its day / and every dead eye will follow you as long as it can[2], and is there anything to fear? That all depends on YOU(!) / Personally, I have no fear[1], and a-ROUND us, here[2], and you know me, I'll take to the astral sea with any of these mofos[1], and is there anything to fear? That all depends on YOU(!) / Personally, I have no fear[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... YOU(!) ... in the whirlpool, loving it[1], and you know me, I'll take to the astral sea with any of these mofos[2], and ... / be careful though![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... YOU(!) ... in the whirlpool, loving it[2], and / here is a dead shark / looking for money / yeah, it wants an arm and a leg[1], and ... / be careful though![2], and it's all red now, a-ROUND, yes, well ...[1], and here is a dead shark / looking for money / yeah, it wants an arm and a leg[2], and when there's blood in the water, you've got to look out for number one - me![1], and it's all red now, a-ROUND, yes, well ...[2], and I'll kill it, oh, kill it, kill it for good, kill it until it knows it's dead[1], and when there's blood in the water, you've got to look out for number one - me![2], and where do the dead sharks go when it's all over for them? / 'Beyond nightmares, perhaps?'[1], and I'll kill it, oh, kill it, kill it for good, kill it until it knows it's dead[2], and there it goes ... floating to the bottom of our subconsciousness nesses ness ...[1], and where do the dead sharks go when it's all over for them? / 'Beyond nightmares, perhaps?'[2], and it's ... all over now, all over now, all over now - ? / 'There'll be others, boss' / Yes, of course ...[1], and there it goes ... floating to the bottom of our subconsciousness nesses ness ...[2], and dead sharks do not go gentle ...[3], and it's ... all over now, all over now, all over now - ? / 'There'll be others, boss' / Yes, of course ...[2], and they swim a-ROUND our souls, don't they? / Making a nuisance of themselves ...[3], and the final death is a disappointment / would you accept it, after many happy years of biting people?[3], and every dead shark has its day / and every dead eye will follow you as long as it can[3], and a-ROUND us, here[3], and is there anything to fear? That all depends on YOU(!) / Personally, I have no fear[3], and you know me, I'll take to the astral sea with any of these mofos[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... YOU(!) ... in the whirlpool, loving it[3], and ... / be careful though![3], and here is a dead shark / looking for money / yeah, it wants an arm and a leg[3], and it's all red now, a-ROUND, yes, well ...[3], and when there's blood in the water, you've got to look out for number one - me![3], and I'll kill it, oh, kill it, kill it for good, kill it until it knows it's dead[3], and where do the dead sharks go when it's all over for them? / 'Beyond nightmares, perhaps?'[3], and there it goes ... floating to the bottom of our subconsciousness nesses ness ...[3], and it's ... all over now, all over now, all over now - ? / 'There'll be others, boss' / Yes, of course ...[3], and

The FCA is restricting the sale of Coco Pops

Absolutely incredible! These lunatics are out of control. Why can't they stick to finance? They have no business interfering with our cereal.

This is from the FCA's website: Coco Pops are highly complex* and the FCA believes they are unlikely to be appropriate for the mass retail market, so has stepped in to temporarily restrict their distribution to supermarkets, corner shops, and cash and carry stores ahead of consulting on permanent rules later this year.

*They are a cocoa-flavoured version of Rice Krispies, and they contain a substance imitating milk chocolate, which has been known to make the milk turn "chocolatey".

'Are you getting them confused with the FSA, boss?' What?! The Financial Services Authority?! Wake up, son. That dead shark is truly dead. 'No, the Food Standards Agency.' Oh, that FSA, Voice. No, they don't have a problem with Coco Pops, man. Why would they? It's just that Coco Pops are bankers' favourite cereal. 'Yeah?' Oh yeah. Big time. It was in a survey. So, the FCA freaks think, We can't have bankers enjoying their favourite cereal, so let's restrict their sale. 'Jesus! What bastards!' I know. Totally out of control.

The problem is, everyone suffers, yeah? I don't eat Coco Pops (or any cereal) myself, but I know a lot of kids like them. What are they going to do now? 'The kids? Just eat Rice Krispies, I suppose. Without the chocolatey stuff.' And the bankers, Voice? Do you expect them to eat Rice Krispies without the chocolatey stuff, too? 'Well ...' I'm telling you, man, the world is going to hell in a handcart!

HSBC is blaming lack of profits on regulatory nonsense or something

I don't know. It's August. And what do I care, anyway? And HSBC is a bank. I don't write much about banks these days because they bore me to tears. It's all the regulation, I suppose. Which is exactly what HSBC is complaining about.

Well, well, well ... what did they expect? What does anyone expect - now? I mean, if you're behaving yourself, there's no need for any regulation at all. But these people are naughty. Always have been.

By the way, pre-tax profits are still £7.3 billion for half a year. 'Ha!' Yeah. Nice work if you can get it. I wouldn't mind making a fraction of that on this blog. These people don't know they're born, that's the trouble. 'They've been spoilt, boss. They should try living a day of your life.' Yes, they should, Voice! They wouldn't last five minutes! They don't know suffering ...

I'm still in a foul mood from this morning, dear reader(s). That cheese sandwich did nothing for me, you know. I normally enjoy my cheese sandwiches.

I gotta get away! / There are so many horrible things you can avoid out of this world ... Just think! Idiots, wars, apricots, politicians, jeans with faded areas, voters, bills, supermarkets with no pineapple chunks, EastEnders, the personal philosophies of pompous pricks, bad teeth, rats, cold custard, middle-brow slags who think they're intellectuals, strangers, tassel loafers, neighbours, awkward questions, TV adverts, bits of fluff and dust, the phrase "market professionals", flies, conservatives, bin bags in the street, liars, spiders, mattresses in the street, opinions, celebrities, unemployment, the banging of car doors, employment, rent, pork pie hats made out of black leather, phone calls, degenerates, hairdryers that switch off for no reason, bullshit du jour, people ringing the doorbell, cheap T-shirts, ginger beer, traditional values, the shops that sell cheap T-shirts, poverty, skiing, Workfare, unfriendly barmaids, chav kids wrapping trees in plastic, broken windows, phoneys, hot weather, vicious dogs, trifle, the owners of vicious dogs, clocks with loud ticks, cold weather ... so many horrible things!

God is testing me. Either that or it's a practical joke. I wish He would let me have a day off. I deserve a day off!

David Buik wants to know why Labour won't have lunch with City characters like him

Oh dear! Why won't Labour have lunch? Let me think for a minute. Oh, maybe it's because of stories like this, you know? Yeah, maybe stuff like this/that is more fucking important right now. Not that I'm expecting Labour to change much in our society when they get in next year. They might change something. But I'm not expecting anything. It's every man for himself. And every woman, too. The country is finished. The world is finished. Only the spaceship of Malibu remains. 'What are you going on about, boss? Have you been drinking again?' Again, Voice?! I haven't had a drink since Friday, and even then only two pints of Stella. I'm hardly a drunkard.

I'm just angry this morning ... Monday! / These City people (bankers and journalists and hangers-on) with their fucking lunches in fancy restaurants are starting to get on my nerves. I'm having a cheese sandwich today! That's all I'm having. 'And the crisps.' Yes, a packet of crisps. 'And a yoghurt, Mikey.' Well, of course I'm having a yoghurt, Voice. 'And a Coke.' Well, no. No! I'm not having a Coke, and I'm not having crisps neither. It's time to get healthy, man!

It's time to change everything! I can't go on like this. / We can't go on like this, reader(s). I'm thinking I'm in the wrong game.

I just wanna play my guitar. I want to forget about everything and play my guitar, you dig?

Summer's almost gone, as Jim Morrison once sang. It's time to get serious. Where will we be?

Capitalists are as thick as shit. You can't have no capitalism if the poor don't have no fucking money. Why did Henry Ford pay his workers so well? Because he wanted them to buy his fucking cars!!! [That was bullshit, it seems. But you know what I'm getting at ...]

Wake up, slags!

David Aird at Investec doesn't like rock stars!

Christ! What's the matter with him?! He doesn't like John Lennon, or David Bowie, or Mick Jagger, or - 'Neil Woodford, boss?' What, Voice?! 'David Aird was talking about star fund managers, man.' How do you know? 'I know because I read these fucking articles properly, yeah? You just glance at them.' Well ... 'Mr Aird has been telling anyone who will listen that star managers are nothing. Nothing! It's teams that matter.' Oh, I see. Our Dave is one of these There's no "I" in team guys. 'Yeah.' Well, you know what the late great Felix Dennis said, don't you? 'No. What?' He said teamwork is the glue that binds the losers together. 'Oh, lovely attitude, that is.'

Felix knew a thing or two ... / And I thought David Aird was all right. I mean, he used to worship the ground I walked on. 'Really, Mikey?' See if you can dig this, Voice, from 2008 - I read your blog, Michael. I know you're the man, the beautiful one, the Master, the mystic lord, the money king. / 2008, eh? It was a golden year, dear reader(s).

Ah! Now, a team of rock stars, that's a different matter, surely? 'Uh.' Completely different. I mean, is David Aird saying that The Beatles were a bunch of twats? 'Eh?' Oh, I hope not! I hope he's not saying that. 'I doubt he is saying it, Mikey. / He might be saying that Japan were a bunch of twats.' Yeah, well, they were ...

One more thing: David wants to get back in touch. (LinkedIn.) No! I'm not having it. I'm a rock star, after all. The beautiful one. The Master. The mystic lord. The money king. Clearly a rock star. / What has happened to David? He seems bitter.