Terry Smith and Barclays are cool now

Don't worry, dear reader(s). It's all been straightened out. 'What's this, boss?' Terry Smith, you know the Fundsmith guy? 'Oh yes.' Well, he's also the Aethelflaed Investments guy. He wanted Barclays to transfer £330,000 from this company of his so he could invest it in Fundsmith. 'It sounds simple.' Forget about it! It's a very simple thing, a money transfer. 'Yes.' Unfortunately, Barclays couldn't manage it in three years. Bunch of ... 'Oh dear.' As a result of that, our Terry reckons he lost money. 'Okay. / What was the problem then?' Well, Barclays had a branch in Soho, which Terry used. But it went missing. 'Eh?' It just went missing, man. The branch disappeared. 'Off the face of the earth, like?' Well, no. It eventually turned up in Hounslow. And that's why the money transfer took three years, you dig? Because of all the confusion. 'The Soho branch should have transferred the money, yeah?' Well, yes. But Terry went down there and found that the place had been turned into a massage parlour. 'Oh. Awkward.' Just a bit. He didn't have a clue where his fucking money was. He thought maybe one of the girls had it. Actually, there was this bouncer-type called Maltese Larry who - 'Mikey.' Listen! He lost his club years ago. It's a long story, a sad story, really. Larry was muscled-out and - 'Mikey! Come on! But the Hounslow branch had it, yeah?' Uh, well, the Hounslow branch was the Soho branch, I think, I suppose. But it moved. 'A fly-by-night operation then?' I don't know. Jesus H. Christ! Barclays has really got some explaining to do. 'Those schnooks! I can't wait to hear what they say!' Ah, it's all been settled out of court, Voice, so everyone will probably forget about it now. 'Ha!'

What a comedy though, dear reader(s), eh?!

...

Anything else? Politics? Well, the referendum has become a complete pile of crap, ain't it? How many people voting Leave (... or Remain - ?) understand all the arguments and all the consequences?

I probably won't vote. I just want to get the fuck out to Malibu, you dig? Take me to paradise!

[No. 422] I'm opening my mind and my soul

Again and again and again. Probably soft openings, for now - if that makes any sense. Oh, it makes no sense!

And I'm sure we've been here before ...[1], and the SQUARES like to say that I'm repeating myself ... / That's the fucking point, man![1], and I'm sure we've been here before ...[2], and eternity never gets old[1], and the SQUARES like to say that I'm repeating myself ... / That's the fucking point, man![2], and I'm OPEN(!) for business / and the whole cosmos is welcome to pass through my mind and my soul[1], and eternity never gets old[2], and we never close, kooks, eh?[1], and I'm OPEN(!) for business / and the whole cosmos is welcome to pass through my mind and my soul[2], and with this attitude you can get rich quick, or go completely a-ROUND the bend[1], and we never close, kooks, eh?[2], and my consciousness ness uh ness is so ... and I've lost all the words for this little bit, ha![1], and with this attitude you can get rich quick, or go completely a-ROUND the bend[2], and I am poor[1], and my consciousness ness uh ness is so ... and I've lost all the words for this little bit, ha![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, oh, I gotta hold on ... to stop it all slipping out, you dig?[1], and I am poor[2], and it's all right, ma, I'm only spinning[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, oh, I gotta hold on ... to stop it all slipping out, you dig?[2], and I'm recruiting! oh BELIEVE! / and I'm looking for spinners who can lose their heads in any situation[1], and it's all right, ma, I'm only spinning[2], and are YOU(!) ... with me?[1], and I'm recruiting! oh BELIEVE! / and I'm looking for spinners who can lose their heads in any situation[2], and it's so funny ... while I get better and better, my enemies only get worse - Jesus, I can't explain it!!![1], and are YOU(!) ... with me?[2], and, seriously, who are you?[1], and it's so funny ... while I get better and better, my enemies only get worse - Jesus, I can't explain it!!![2], and here they are, those words ... no, gone again! / and it doesn't matter, man, BECAUSE ... I got feelings[1], and, seriously, who are you?[2], and thoughts are a goddamn disease![1], and here they are, those words ... no, gone again! / and it doesn't matter, man, BECAUSE ... I got feelings[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?![1], and thoughts are a goddamn disease![2], and have you got any better ideas?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?![2], and I know you ain't got no better ideas / ... all you want is all I got and that's why I love you[1], and have you got any better ideas?[2], and you love me, too[1], and I know you ain't got no better ideas / ... all you want is all I got and that's why I love you[2], and I'm sure we've been here before ...[3], and you love me, too[2], and the SQUARES like to say that I'm repeating myself ... / That's the fucking point, man![3], and eternity never gets old[3], and I'm OPEN(!) for business / and the whole cosmos is welcome to pass through my mind and my soul[3], and we never close, kooks, eh?[3], and with this attitude you can get rich quick, or go completely a-ROUND the bend[3], and my consciousness ness uh ness is so ... and I've lost all the words for this little bit, ha![3], and I am poor[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, oh, I gotta hold on ... to stop it all slipping out, you dig?[3], and it's all right, ma, I'm only spinning[3], and I'm recruiting! oh BELIEVE! / and I'm looking for spinners who can lose their heads in any situation[3], and are YOU(!) ... with me?[3], and it's so funny ... while I get better and better, my enemies only get worse - Jesus, I can't explain it!!![3], and, seriously, who are you?[3], and here they are, those words ... no, gone again! / and it doesn't matter, man, BECAUSE ... I got feelings[3], and thoughts are a goddamn disease![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?![3], and have you got any better ideas?[3], and I know you ain't got no better ideas / ... all you want is all I got and that's why I love you[3], and you love me, too[3], and

And I'm sure we've been here before ...[1], and the SQUARES like to say that I'm repeating myself ... / That's the fucking point, man![1], and I'm sure we've been here before ...[2], and eternity never gets old[1], and the SQUARES like to say that I'm repeating myself ... / That's the fucking point, man![2], and I'm OPEN(!) for business / and the whole cosmos is welcome to pass through my mind and my soul[1], and eternity never gets old[2], and we never close, kooks, eh?[1], and I'm OPEN(!) for business / and the whole cosmos is welcome to pass through my mind and my soul[2], and with this attitude you can get rich quick, or go completely a-ROUND the bend[1], and we never close, kooks, eh?[2], and my consciousness ness uh ness is so ... and I've lost all the words for this little bit, ha![1], and with this attitude you can get rich quick, or go completely a-ROUND the bend[2], and I am poor[1], and my consciousness ness uh ness is so ... and I've lost all the words for this little bit, ha![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, oh, I gotta hold on ... to stop it all slipping out, you dig?[1], and I am poor[2], and it's all right, ma, I'm only spinning[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, oh, I gotta hold on ... to stop it all slipping out, you dig?[2], and I'm recruiting! oh BELIEVE! / and I'm looking for spinners who can lose their heads in any situation[1], and it's all right, ma, I'm only spinning[2], and are YOU(!) ... with me?[1], and I'm recruiting! oh BELIEVE! / and I'm looking for spinners who can lose their heads in any situation[2], and it's so funny ... while I get better and better, my enemies only get worse - Jesus, I can't explain it!!![1], and are YOU(!) ... with me?[2], and, seriously, who are you?[1], and it's so funny ... while I get better and better, my enemies only get worse - Jesus, I can't explain it!!![2], and here they are, those words ... no, gone again! / and it doesn't matter, man, BECAUSE ... I got feelings[1], and, seriously, who are you?[2], and thoughts are a goddamn disease![1], and here they are, those words ... no, gone again! / and it doesn't matter, man, BECAUSE ... I got feelings[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?![1], and thoughts are a goddamn disease![2], and have you got any better ideas?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?![2], and I know you ain't got no better ideas / ... all you want is all I got and that's why I love you[1], and have you got any better ideas?[2], and you love me, too[1], and I know you ain't got no better ideas / ... all you want is all I got and that's why I love you[2], and I'm sure we've been here before ...[3], and you love me, too[2], and the SQUARES like to say that I'm repeating myself ... / That's the fucking point, man![3], and eternity never gets old[3], and I'm OPEN(!) for business / and the whole cosmos is welcome to pass through my mind and my soul[3], and we never close, kooks, eh?[3], and with this attitude you can get rich quick, or go completely a-ROUND the bend[3], and my consciousness ness uh ness is so ... and I've lost all the words for this little bit, ha![3], and I am poor[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, oh, I gotta hold on ... to stop it all slipping out, you dig?[3], and it's all right, ma, I'm only spinning[3], and I'm recruiting! oh BELIEVE! / and I'm looking for spinners who can lose their heads in any situation[3], and are YOU(!) ... with me?[3], and it's so funny ... while I get better and better, my enemies only get worse - Jesus, I can't explain it!!![3], and, seriously, who are you?[3], and here they are, those words ... no, gone again! / and it doesn't matter, man, BECAUSE ... I got feelings[3], and thoughts are a goddamn disease![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?![3], and have you got any better ideas?[3], and I know you ain't got no better ideas / ... all you want is all I got and that's why I love you[3], and you love me, too[3], and

And I'm sure we've been here before ...[1], and the SQUARES like to say that I'm repeating myself ... / That's the fucking point, man![1], and I'm sure we've been here before ...[2], and eternity never gets old[1], and the SQUARES like to say that I'm repeating myself ... / That's the fucking point, man![2], and I'm OPEN(!) for business / and the whole cosmos is welcome to pass through my mind and my soul[1], and eternity never gets old[2], and we never close, kooks, eh?[1], and I'm OPEN(!) for business / and the whole cosmos is welcome to pass through my mind and my soul[2], and with this attitude you can get rich quick, or go completely a-ROUND the bend[1], and we never close, kooks, eh?[2], and my consciousness ness uh ness is so ... and I've lost all the words for this little bit, ha![1], and with this attitude you can get rich quick, or go completely a-ROUND the bend[2], and I am poor[1], and my consciousness ness uh ness is so ... and I've lost all the words for this little bit, ha![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, oh, I gotta hold on ... to stop it all slipping out, you dig?[1], and I am poor[2], and it's all right, ma, I'm only spinning[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, oh, I gotta hold on ... to stop it all slipping out, you dig?[2], and I'm recruiting! oh BELIEVE! / and I'm looking for spinners who can lose their heads in any situation[1], and it's all right, ma, I'm only spinning[2], and are YOU(!) ... with me?[1], and I'm recruiting! oh BELIEVE! / and I'm looking for spinners who can lose their heads in any situation[2], and it's so funny ... while I get better and better, my enemies only get worse - Jesus, I can't explain it!!![1], and are YOU(!) ... with me?[2], and, seriously, who are you?[1], and it's so funny ... while I get better and better, my enemies only get worse - Jesus, I can't explain it!!![2], and here they are, those words ... no, gone again! / and it doesn't matter, man, BECAUSE ... I got feelings[1], and, seriously, who are you?[2], and thoughts are a goddamn disease![1], and here they are, those words ... no, gone again! / and it doesn't matter, man, BECAUSE ... I got feelings[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?![1], and thoughts are a goddamn disease![2], and have you got any better ideas?[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?![2], and I know you ain't got no better ideas / ... all you want is all I got and that's why I love you[1], and have you got any better ideas?[2], and you love me, too[1], and I know you ain't got no better ideas / ... all you want is all I got and that's why I love you[2], and I'm sure we've been here before ...[3], and you love me, too[2], and the SQUARES like to say that I'm repeating myself ... / That's the fucking point, man![3], and eternity never gets old[3], and I'm OPEN(!) for business / and the whole cosmos is welcome to pass through my mind and my soul[3], and we never close, kooks, eh?[3], and with this attitude you can get rich quick, or go completely a-ROUND the bend[3], and my consciousness ness uh ness is so ... and I've lost all the words for this little bit, ha![3], and I am poor[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, oh, I gotta hold on ... to stop it all slipping out, you dig?[3], and it's all right, ma, I'm only spinning[3], and I'm recruiting! oh BELIEVE! / and I'm looking for spinners who can lose their heads in any situation[3], and are YOU(!) ... with me?[3], and it's so funny ... while I get better and better, my enemies only get worse - Jesus, I can't explain it!!![3], and, seriously, who are you?[3], and here they are, those words ... no, gone again! / and it doesn't matter, man, BECAUSE ... I got feelings[3], and thoughts are a goddamn disease![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... uh, WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?![3], and have you got any better ideas?[3], and I know you ain't got no better ideas / ... all you want is all I got and that's why I love you[3], and you love me, too[3], and

Crestline Investors is closing its Crestline Opportunity Fund III - again!

I think. I don't know. I don't actually understand how this shit works, to be honest with you, dear reader(s). 'What's the problem, boss?' Well, let's get some idea of this firm first ...

Crestline Investors, Inc., founded in 1997 and based in Fort Worth, Texas, is an institutional alternative investment management firm. Crestline and its affiliated management team have approximately $9.8 billion of assets under management. Crestline provides attractive risk-adjusted returns for sophisticated asset owners. The firm uses its credit expertise and innovative products to pursue value creation in global markets. 
 
'Okay.' They have this fund, you see. The Crestline Opportunity Fund III. And from what I can gather they've closed it a few times but keep opening it again. 'Why?!' I presume they want more money, which is good, but - 'Why don't they keep it open all the time, forever, man, and just watch the money roll in?' Exactly! That's what I would do. No limits! They've got $720 million so far. 'That's not a billion, boss.' Of course it ain't! We want to see one billion, two billion, three billion ... / Let's keep going, guys, you dig?

...

It's frustrating, seeing it ... / It ain't just a lack of ambition. It's fear. You've got to overcome your fears, all of you, whatever you're involved in. Look at your life, reader(s). Is everything as great and as wonderful as it could be? Are you pushing yourself? What do you think Tony Robbins would do in your situation?

My new song? Forget about it! Yeah, it's finished, and I'm pleased with it. However, I abandoned it three times. THREE TIMES!!! And then went back to work on it. 'Well, that's what the Crestline guys are doing, boss.' Maybe, Voice, maybe. I'll just say that $720 million ain't a billion, that's all.

Music? I’m listening to The Best of Sam & Dave. It makes a nice change. I haven't listened to this album in years. I particularly like the song You Don't Know What You Mean to Me.

Uh, my song? (I haven't recorded it yet. There's no rush.) It's the "big" song I wanted and needed. Jesus Christ himself can't touch me now. / Er ... this is my last music update, by the way. 'Ha!' I'm serious, man. My demo will be finished soon. Four songs. After that, I just gotta keep going, you dig?

PhillipCapital UK to raise margins ahead of EU referendum

And they even gave me the title! I didn't change a word, dear reader(s). Yes, it's the Thursday night PR email, back by popular demand.

In a move to help protect clients ahead of the EU referendum on 23rd June PhillipCapital UK will be increasing its margin requirements. This will take place in two stages, with the first increase occurring on the 12th June and the second on the 19th June. The increases will encompass all instruments. GBP currency pairs and GBP denominated instrument will see margins raised to 10%, with margins on remaining instruments raised to 5%.

Nice one.

Head of Derivatives Trading, Sean Tan, commenting on the decision, said: "If the events of last January taught us anything, it was that markets can be extremely volatile when a major event occurs. When the SNB removed its EURCHF peg, the Swiss franc went from 1.20 against the euro to 0.975 almost without trading. Such an event can present an extremely risky and worrying time for any investors trading such markets. At PhillipCapital UK we believe that June 23rd could become just such an event. If the UK votes to leave the EU we could experience unparalleled volatility for a period of time and so we are taking this action in the run up to the referendum in order to protect our clients against any extreme market movements."

Well, I can dig it. We're heading for disaster!!!

...

On a more positive note, I think I've finished my new song. I'll have to play it for a while, and see how I feel about it. I might record it in a rehearsal studio, rather than at home. There are too many noisy cretins in my street. I actually put up a sign: Silence! Pop genius at work! But, to be honest with you, I don't think they can read.

Juggernaut Capital Partners III LP closes!

Uh, as one fund closes, another fund opens ... ? I don't know. Maybe. 'Is Juggernaut Capital Partners going out of business, boss?' Don't be ridiculous, Voice! They're just closing their third fund because they've raised enough money for it. 'Oh.' More than enough, actually. They only wanted $350 million, but somehow ended up with $380 million. / Of course, if I were running the firm, I would have gone for $500 million, or even a billion. But I'm the ambitious type, you know? Not everyone can be like me. Not everyone has the balls for it.

Er ... Juggernaut Capital Partners? Well ...

Juggernaut Capital Partners ("JCP")* was formed in early 2009 to build on the principals' successful, focused investment approach by targeting middle market companies primarily in the business services and consumer products industries where our investment professionals have extensive knowledge and experience. JCP differentiates itself from competing firms through its demonstrated ability to source transactions on a proprietary basis, and its proven record of building stronger and more operationally efficient businesses, and by being a bit "kooky". Our goal is to be an involved, value-added investor and strategic partner to the management teams and other stakeholders of our portfolio companies.

*Not to be confused with JCP Liquid Antiseptic Original. Soothes pain, fights infection. For sore throats, mouth ulcers, cuts, grazes, bites, stings, boils, spots and pimples. 'Er ... you mean TCP, boss!' Yes, Voice, that's exactly what I mean!

Over in America somewhere, this firm. Obviously, I wish them all the best. It's a shame that they couldn't go for the billion. 'But not everyone can be like you, Mikey!' No. Which is a good thing. I don't like competition!

...

Anything else? No. I'll be doing a PR email later tonight. Come back then - if that's what floats your boat.

Guy Hands is suing Citigroup - again!

Dear oh dear. As you know, reader(s), Guy Hands is one of my bestest friends in the crazy world of finance. Sure, I know he looks a little strange. (I've lost count of the number of times I've urged him to get his head shaved.) And I know he has delusions. (Like thinking he's a rocker on the same level as Jim Morrison. 'Ha!') However, a friend is a friend, you dig? You've got to stick by your friends.

Anyway, EMI. 'It doesn't even exist no more, boss! What the fuck is going on?' Guy is still upset about it, Voice. He's still saying Citigroup told him certain things about ... whatever. I don't know, and I don't care. The guy should have used his own judgement. 'What guy?' Yes, Guy. 'Yes, what guy are you referring to, Mikey?' Guy?! 'That's what I want to know.' I'm referring to Guy. 'Yes, and I'm asking you what guy?' Er ... Guy. 'What fucking guy?!' Guy Hands, Voice. 'Oh.' This post is about Guy Hands, yeah? / Sorry, reader(s), I can't get the staff.

Anyway, EMI. Well, it still sort of exists, I suppose. The point is ... what is the point? I'm confused now. 'Guy shouldn't have paid £2.4 billion for the firm.' Eh? What guy? 'Christ! The guy who bought EMI!' Oh, you mean Guy Hands. 'Yes!' Well, obviously he shouldn't have bought it. But he was willing to pay any price to get a slice of the rock and roll lifestyle, wasn't he?

BECAUSE FINANCE IS SO BORING.

FACT!

Politics, too.

...

Anything else? Politics? Christ! I hate politics, man. Please don't ask me to write about politics. Jesus! H! / However, if you insist, my hellish reader(s) ... 'Come on, Mikey! Give it your best shot!' All right. The Conservatives fighting each other reminds me of that scene near the end of The Blues Brothers where all those police cars are piling up on the highway. Spectacular, entertaining, and ... probably unnecessary - but they can't help themselves!

'Not bad, boss. Music?' Ha! Like Guy, I love music. 'Guy? What guy?' Shut up! That's an old joke, Voice.

Music? I'm just listening to random tracks this morning. Right now, this moment? Nice Dream by Radiohead. The next tune? Heart on My Sleeve by Gallagher & Lyle - unless I change my mind in the next thirty seconds.

My music? I might have another go at that lyric today. Yeah, still haven't got it. Never mind.

[No. 421] Steve Kuhn could wander a-ROUND ...

Uh, here - ! If he wanted to. Er, I mean ... SPIN(!)!

And forget funds![1], and it's been said that our Steve likes to think out of the box ... 'Ha!' ... What would he make of this - ?[1], and forget funds![2], and is he here ... spinning, wandering?[1], and it's been said that our Steve likes to think out of the box ... 'Ha!' ... What would he make of this - ?[2], and I will spin Steve out of his little head if he asks me to, or he can do it himself - I'm easy, my friend(s)[1], and is he here ... spinning, wandering?[2], and so many finance types are starting to see things my way ...[1], and I will spin Steve out of his little head if he asks me to, or he can do it himself - I'm easy, my friend(s)[2], and who are ... YOU(!)?[1], and so many finance types are starting to see things my way ...[2], and why should investors get their money back? / and when are these slags going to get a job?[1], and who are ... YOU(!)?[2], and the world needs to change ... / oh, our Steve has changed[1], and why should investors get their money back? / and when are these slags going to get a job?[2], and ... another storm coming?[1], and the world needs to change ... / oh, our Steve has changed[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, kooks! / Wander through your crazy minds, reckless souls![1], and ... another storm coming?[2], and if only he were here ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, kooks! / Wander through your crazy minds, reckless souls![2], and let me think for an endless moment ... / I've got the whole of eternity in my big head, seriously[1], and if only he were here ...[2], and ... 'Go on, Mikey, man!'[1], and let me think for an endless moment ... / I've got the whole of eternity in my big head, seriously[2], and I'm thinking NOW(!): He has important work to do, helping people / ... uh, the cold world needs him[1], and ... 'Go on, Mikey, man!'[2], and ... / What are your thoughts, my Lucky(s)?[1], and I'm thinking NOW(!): He has important work to do, helping people / ... uh, the cold world needs him[2], and, please ... TRY NOT TO THINK AT ALL!!! / ... you know how I value feelings, yeah?[1], and ... / What are your thoughts, my Lucky(s)?[2], and we've sort of, er, lost our way ...[1], and, please ... TRY NOT TO THINK AT ALL!!! / ... you know how I value feelings, yeah?[2], and END! / BEGINNING![1], and we've sort of, er, lost our way ...[2], and forget funds![3], and END! / BEGINNING![2], and it's been said that our Steve likes to think out of the box ... 'Ha!' ... What would he make of this - ?[3], and is he here ... spinning, wandering?[3], and I will spin Steve out of his little head if he asks me to, or he can do it himself - I'm easy, my friend(s)[3], and so many finance types are starting to see things my way ...[3], and who are ... YOU(!)?[3], and why should investors get their money back? / and when are these slags going to get a job?[3], and the world needs to change ... / oh, our Steve has changed[3], and ... another storm coming?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, kooks! / Wander through your crazy minds, reckless souls![3], and if only he were here ...[3], and let me think for an endless moment ... / I've got the whole of eternity in my big head, seriously[3], and ... 'Go on, Mikey, man!'[3], and I'm thinking NOW(!): He has important work to do, helping people / ... uh, the cold world needs him[3], and ... / What are your thoughts, my Lucky(s)?[3], and, please ... TRY NOT TO THINK AT ALL!!! / ... you know how I value feelings, yeah?[3], and we've sort of, er, lost our way ...[3], and END! / BEGINNING![3], and

And forget funds![1], and it's been said that our Steve likes to think out of the box ... 'Ha!' ... What would he make of this - ?[1], and forget funds![2], and is he here ... spinning, wandering?[1], and it's been said that our Steve likes to think out of the box ... 'Ha!' ... What would he make of this - ?[2], and I will spin Steve out of his little head if he asks me to, or he can do it himself - I'm easy, my friend(s)[1], and is he here ... spinning, wandering?[2], and so many finance types are starting to see things my way ...[1], and I will spin Steve out of his little head if he asks me to, or he can do it himself - I'm easy, my friend(s)[2], and who are ... YOU(!)?[1], and so many finance types are starting to see things my way ...[2], and why should investors get their money back? / and when are these slags going to get a job?[1], and who are ... YOU(!)?[2], and the world needs to change ... / oh, our Steve has changed[1], and why should investors get their money back? / and when are these slags going to get a job?[2], and ... another storm coming?[1], and the world needs to change ... / oh, our Steve has changed[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, kooks! / Wander through your crazy minds, reckless souls![1], and ... another storm coming?[2], and if only he were here ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, kooks! / Wander through your crazy minds, reckless souls![2], and let me think for an endless moment ... / I've got the whole of eternity in my big head, seriously[1], and if only he were here ...[2], and ... 'Go on, Mikey, man!'[1], and let me think for an endless moment ... / I've got the whole of eternity in my big head, seriously[2], and I'm thinking NOW(!): He has important work to do, helping people / ... uh, the cold world needs him[1], and ... 'Go on, Mikey, man!'[2], and ... / What are your thoughts, my Lucky(s)?[1], and I'm thinking NOW(!): He has important work to do, helping people / ... uh, the cold world needs him[2], and, please ... TRY NOT TO THINK AT ALL!!! / ... you know how I value feelings, yeah?[1], and ... / What are your thoughts, my Lucky(s)?[2], and we've sort of, er, lost our way ...[1], and, please ... TRY NOT TO THINK AT ALL!!! / ... you know how I value feelings, yeah?[2], and END! / BEGINNING![1], and we've sort of, er, lost our way ...[2], and forget funds![3], and END! / BEGINNING![2], and it's been said that our Steve likes to think out of the box ... 'Ha!' ... What would he make of this - ?[3], and is he here ... spinning, wandering?[3], and I will spin Steve out of his little head if he asks me to, or he can do it himself - I'm easy, my friend(s)[3], and so many finance types are starting to see things my way ...[3], and who are ... YOU(!)?[3], and why should investors get their money back? / and when are these slags going to get a job?[3], and the world needs to change ... / oh, our Steve has changed[3], and ... another storm coming?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, kooks! / Wander through your crazy minds, reckless souls![3], and if only he were here ...[3], and let me think for an endless moment ... / I've got the whole of eternity in my big head, seriously[3], and ... 'Go on, Mikey, man!'[3], and I'm thinking NOW(!): He has important work to do, helping people / ... uh, the cold world needs him[3], and ... / What are your thoughts, my Lucky(s)?[3], and, please ... TRY NOT TO THINK AT ALL!!! / ... you know how I value feelings, yeah?[3], and we've sort of, er, lost our way ...[3], and END! / BEGINNING![3], and

And forget funds![1], and it's been said that our Steve likes to think out of the box ... 'Ha!' ... What would he make of this - ?[1], and forget funds![2], and is he here ... spinning, wandering?[1], and it's been said that our Steve likes to think out of the box ... 'Ha!' ... What would he make of this - ?[2], and I will spin Steve out of his little head if he asks me to, or he can do it himself - I'm easy, my friend(s)[1], and is he here ... spinning, wandering?[2], and so many finance types are starting to see things my way ...[1], and I will spin Steve out of his little head if he asks me to, or he can do it himself - I'm easy, my friend(s)[2], and who are ... YOU(!)?[1], and so many finance types are starting to see things my way ...[2], and why should investors get their money back? / and when are these slags going to get a job?[1], and who are ... YOU(!)?[2], and the world needs to change ... / oh, our Steve has changed[1], and why should investors get their money back? / and when are these slags going to get a job?[2], and ... another storm coming?[1], and the world needs to change ... / oh, our Steve has changed[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, kooks! / Wander through your crazy minds, reckless souls![1], and ... another storm coming?[2], and if only he were here ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, kooks! / Wander through your crazy minds, reckless souls![2], and let me think for an endless moment ... / I've got the whole of eternity in my big head, seriously[1], and if only he were here ...[2], and ... 'Go on, Mikey, man!'[1], and let me think for an endless moment ... / I've got the whole of eternity in my big head, seriously[2], and I'm thinking NOW(!): He has important work to do, helping people / ... uh, the cold world needs him[1], and ... 'Go on, Mikey, man!'[2], and ... / What are your thoughts, my Lucky(s)?[1], and I'm thinking NOW(!): He has important work to do, helping people / ... uh, the cold world needs him[2], and, please ... TRY NOT TO THINK AT ALL!!! / ... you know how I value feelings, yeah?[1], and ... / What are your thoughts, my Lucky(s)?[2], and we've sort of, er, lost our way ...[1], and, please ... TRY NOT TO THINK AT ALL!!! / ... you know how I value feelings, yeah?[2], and END! / BEGINNING![1], and we've sort of, er, lost our way ...[2], and forget funds![3], and END! / BEGINNING![2], and it's been said that our Steve likes to think out of the box ... 'Ha!' ... What would he make of this - ?[3], and is he here ... spinning, wandering?[3], and I will spin Steve out of his little head if he asks me to, or he can do it himself - I'm easy, my friend(s)[3], and so many finance types are starting to see things my way ...[3], and who are ... YOU(!)?[3], and why should investors get their money back? / and when are these slags going to get a job?[3], and the world needs to change ... / oh, our Steve has changed[3], and ... another storm coming?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, kooks! / Wander through your crazy minds, reckless souls![3], and if only he were here ...[3], and let me think for an endless moment ... / I've got the whole of eternity in my big head, seriously[3], and ... 'Go on, Mikey, man!'[3], and I'm thinking NOW(!): He has important work to do, helping people / ... uh, the cold world needs him[3], and ... / What are your thoughts, my Lucky(s)?[3], and, please ... TRY NOT TO THINK AT ALL!!! / ... you know how I value feelings, yeah?[3], and we've sort of, er, lost our way ...[3], and END! / BEGINNING![3], and

The Pine River Fixed Income fund is closing!

And $1.6 billion will be returned to investors, soon. Why? Well, its manager, Steve Kuhn, has had enough. He wants to wander the earth now and do good deeds. I take my hat off to him! 'What firm is this, boss?' Pine River Capital Management, Voice, based in Minnesota - the home of the late, great Prince.

Pine River Capital Management LP is a global alternative asset management firm founded on the values of intellectual honesty, uncompromising improvement and pursuing common purpose with our clients and partners.

'Nice.' Oh, there's more, man.

Is there a better way? [You bet your ass there is!] It's a question that still reverberates in every decision we make. We don't rest on our last victory. We never give up in the face of adversity. We continue to have the intellectual honesty and work ethic that enable us to challenge our own ideas and actions every day. We are wholly devoted to seeking something more for our clients, our business partners and ourselves.

Of course there's a better way! 'Your way, Mikey!' Maybe, Voice. I don't want to boast. However, the way of the financial shaman has been wonderful for me so far. 'Are they shamans, the Pine River lot?' I don't know. I think they have a "Tony Robbins" attitude though. If they can't find a way, they will make a way - like the guy with the elephants. 'Eh? What guy with the elephants?' Hannibal Lecter. 'Are you sure?!' Yes, pretty sure.

...

Anything else? Music? I'm listening to Up the Bracket by The Libertines. And I've downloaded What A Waster and added it as the thirteenth track - I mean, it is the thirteenth track on some "special" editions, anyway.

And it's a super-cool song, man! When I first heard it in The Football Factory I thought it was some obscure Jam B-side - although, obviously, it's a classic and too good for a B-side, you dig?

[No. 420] Maybe someone will give me 1,000 per cent of NOTHING

Oh, I don't need it. I've got enough already.

And I'm almost full ...[1], and what can YOU(!) ... spare? / ... are you full?[1], and I'm almost full ...[2], and have a rummage a-ROUND inside your soul, you may get a small surprise ...[1], and what can YOU(!) ... spare? / ... are you full?[2], and very small[1], and have a rummage a-ROUND inside your soul, you may get a small surprise ...[2], and I ain't asking for charity, man, really, but can you spare a big lot of NOTHING - ?[1], and very small[2], and I feel so empty all of the time[1], and I ain't asking for charity, man, really, but can you spare a big lot of NOTHING - ?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and I'll spin off the little I have left[1], and I feel so empty all of the time[2], and rummage - NOW![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and I'll spin off the little I have left[2], and I want NOTHING(!!!) ... from you, you dig? / So see what you can do ...[1], and rummage - NOW![2], and all I ask is ... well, well[1], and I want NOTHING(!!!) ... from you, you dig? / So see what you can do ...[2], and I will give you, yes, and I will give you, yes, and I will give you ... uh, in return, not a lot[1], and all I ask is ... well, well[2], and make it 2,000 per cent, please![1], and I will give you, yes, and I will give you, yes, and I will give you ... uh, in return, not a lot[2], and what do you actually need, my friend(s)? / I feel so sorry for you, seriously[1], and make it 2,000 per cent, please![2], and if you ain't got what I got then what you got? / TELL ME!!![1], and what do you actually need, my friend(s)? / I feel so sorry for you, seriously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... with the mystic kooks is all I got[1], and if you ain't got what I got then what you got? / TELL ME!!![2], and, hello, kook(s)![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... with the mystic kooks is all I got[2], and there's no retirement for us, and no millions, and no golf / This ... is eternal![1], and, hello, kook(s)![2], and it's our WAY(!)[1], and there's no retirement for us, and no millions, and no golf / This ... is eternal![2], and it's a great life / and we wouldn't have it any other way, would we?[1], and it's our WAY(!)[2], and I'm almost full ...[3], and it's a great life / and we wouldn't have it any other way, would we?[2], and what can YOU(!) ... spare? / ... are you full?[3], and have a rummage a-ROUND inside your soul, you may get a small surprise ...[3], and very small[3], and I ain't asking for charity, man, really, but can you spare a big lot of NOTHING - ?[3], and I feel so empty all of the time[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and I'll spin off the little I have left[3], and rummage - NOW![3], and I want NOTHING(!!!) ... from you, you dig? / So see what you can do ...[3], and all I ask is ... well, well[3], and I will give you, yes, and I will give you, yes, and I will give you ... uh, in return, not a lot[3], and make it 2,000 per cent, please![3], and what do you actually need, my friend(s)? / I feel so sorry for you, seriously[3], and if you ain't got what I got then what you got? / TELL ME!!![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... with the mystic kooks is all I got[3], and, hello, kook(s)![3], and with me you're DIZZY(!) - ? / oh, you ain't got a clue![3], and there's no retirement for us, and no millions, and no golf / This ... is eternal![3], and it's our WAY(!)[3], and it's a great life / and we wouldn't have it any other way, would we?[3], and

***Er, I screwed up. Can I leave these two here?***
and with me you're DIZZY(!) - ? / oh, you ain't got a clue![1],
and with me you're DIZZY(!) - ? / oh, you ain't got a clue![2],

And I'm almost full ...[1], and what can YOU(!) ... spare? / ... are you full?[1], and I'm almost full ...[2], and have a rummage a-ROUND inside your soul, you may get a small surprise ...[1], and what can YOU(!) ... spare? / ... are you full?[2], and very small[1], and have a rummage a-ROUND inside your soul, you may get a small surprise ...[2], and I ain't asking for charity, man, really, but can you spare a big lot of NOTHING - ?[1], and very small[2], and I feel so empty all of the time[1], and I ain't asking for charity, man, really, but can you spare a big lot of NOTHING - ?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and I'll spin off the little I have left[1], and I feel so empty all of the time[2], and rummage - NOW![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and I'll spin off the little I have left[2], and I want NOTHING(!!!) ... from you, you dig? / So see what you can do ...[1], and rummage - NOW![2], and all I ask is ... well, well[1], and I want NOTHING(!!!) ... from you, you dig? / So see what you can do ...[2], and I will give you, yes, and I will give you, yes, and I will give you ... uh, in return, not a lot[1], and all I ask is ... well, well[2], and make it 2,000 per cent, please![1], and I will give you, yes, and I will give you, yes, and I will give you ... uh, in return, not a lot[2], and what do you actually need, my friend(s)? / I feel so sorry for you, seriously[1], and make it 2,000 per cent, please![2], and if you ain't got what I got then what you got? / TELL ME!!![1], and what do you actually need, my friend(s)? / I feel so sorry for you, seriously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... with the mystic kooks is all I got[1], and if you ain't got what I got then what you got? / TELL ME!!![2], and, hello, kook(s)![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... with the mystic kooks is all I got[2], and there's no retirement for us, and no millions, and no golf / This ... is eternal![1], and, hello, kook(s)![2], and it's our WAY(!)[1], and there's no retirement for us, and no millions, and no golf / This ... is eternal![2], and it's a great life / and we wouldn't have it any other way, would we?[1], and it's our WAY(!)[2], and I'm almost full ...[3], and it's a great life / and we wouldn't have it any other way, would we?[2], and what can YOU(!) ... spare? / ... are you full?[3], and have a rummage a-ROUND inside your soul, you may get a small surprise ...[3], and very small[3], and I ain't asking for charity, man, really, but can you spare a big lot of NOTHING - ?[3], and I feel so empty all of the time[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and I'll spin off the little I have left[3], and rummage - NOW![3], and I want NOTHING(!!!) ... from you, you dig? / So see what you can do ...[3], and all I ask is ... well, well[3], and I will give you, yes, and I will give you, yes, and I will give you ... uh, in return, not a lot[3], and make it 2,000 per cent, please![3], and what do you actually need, my friend(s)? / I feel so sorry for you, seriously[3], and if you ain't got what I got then what you got? / TELL ME!!![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... with the mystic kooks is all I got[3], and, hello, kook(s)![3], and with me you're DIZZY(!) - ? / oh, you ain't got a clue![3], and there's no retirement for us, and no millions, and no golf / This ... is eternal![3], and it's our WAY(!)[3], and it's a great life / and we wouldn't have it any other way, would we?[3], and

***Er, I screwed up. Can I leave these two here?***
and with me you're DIZZY(!) - ? / oh, you ain't got a clue![1],
and with me you're DIZZY(!) - ? / oh, you ain't got a clue![2],

And I'm almost full ...[1], and what can YOU(!) ... spare? / ... are you full?[1], and I'm almost full ...[2], and have a rummage a-ROUND inside your soul, you may get a small surprise ...[1], and what can YOU(!) ... spare? / ... are you full?[2], and very small[1], and have a rummage a-ROUND inside your soul, you may get a small surprise ...[2], and I ain't asking for charity, man, really, but can you spare a big lot of NOTHING - ?[1], and very small[2], and I feel so empty all of the time[1], and I ain't asking for charity, man, really, but can you spare a big lot of NOTHING - ?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and I'll spin off the little I have left[1], and I feel so empty all of the time[2], and rummage - NOW![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and I'll spin off the little I have left[2], and I want NOTHING(!!!) ... from you, you dig? / So see what you can do ...[1], and rummage - NOW![2], and all I ask is ... well, well[1], and I want NOTHING(!!!) ... from you, you dig? / So see what you can do ...[2], and I will give you, yes, and I will give you, yes, and I will give you ... uh, in return, not a lot[1], and all I ask is ... well, well[2], and make it 2,000 per cent, please![1], and I will give you, yes, and I will give you, yes, and I will give you ... uh, in return, not a lot[2], and what do you actually need, my friend(s)? / I feel so sorry for you, seriously[1], and make it 2,000 per cent, please![2], and if you ain't got what I got then what you got? / TELL ME!!![1], and what do you actually need, my friend(s)? / I feel so sorry for you, seriously[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... with the mystic kooks is all I got[1], and if you ain't got what I got then what you got? / TELL ME!!![2], and, hello, kook(s)![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... with the mystic kooks is all I got[2], and there's no retirement for us, and no millions, and no golf / This ... is eternal![1], and, hello, kook(s)![2], and it's our WAY(!)[1], and there's no retirement for us, and no millions, and no golf / This ... is eternal![2], and it's a great life / and we wouldn't have it any other way, would we?[1], and it's our WAY(!)[2], and I'm almost full ...[3], and it's a great life / and we wouldn't have it any other way, would we?[2], and what can YOU(!) ... spare? / ... are you full?[3], and have a rummage a-ROUND inside your soul, you may get a small surprise ...[3], and very small[3], and I ain't asking for charity, man, really, but can you spare a big lot of NOTHING - ?[3], and I feel so empty all of the time[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / and I'll spin off the little I have left[3], and rummage - NOW![3], and I want NOTHING(!!!) ... from you, you dig? / So see what you can do ...[3], and all I ask is ... well, well[3], and I will give you, yes, and I will give you, yes, and I will give you ... uh, in return, not a lot[3], and make it 2,000 per cent, please![3], and what do you actually need, my friend(s)? / I feel so sorry for you, seriously[3], and if you ain't got what I got then what you got? / TELL ME!!![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... with the mystic kooks is all I got[3], and, hello, kook(s)![3], and with me you're DIZZY(!) - ? / oh, you ain't got a clue![3], and there's no retirement for us, and no millions, and no golf / This ... is eternal![3], and it's our WAY(!)[3], and it's a great life / and we wouldn't have it any other way, would we?[3], and

***Er, I screwed up. Can I leave these two here?***
and with me you're DIZZY(!) - ? / oh, you ain't got a clue![1],
and with me you're DIZZY(!) - ? / oh, you ain't got a clue![2],

Bruce Hemphill might get £9 million

You're probably wondering: Who is Bruce Hemphill? 'I doubt they are, boss.' They might be. 'They probably know who he is.' Well ...

Bruce Hemphill has been group chief executive of Old Mutual since November 2015. He is also a non-executive director of Nedbank Group. He was previously chief executive of wealth, insurance and non-bank financial services at Standard Bank Group. From June 2006 to February 2014, he was chief executive of Liberty Holdings Ltd, having previously served as chief executive officer of STANLIB. He also served in corporate and merchant and investment banking at Standard Bank.

Well, as you know, dear reader(s), Old Mutual is being smashed up into four pieces. When it's all over, our Bruce won't have a job no more, but - 'Oh, that's a shame.' Listen! But he might be able to get his hands on £9 million, which will be a thousand times his base salary. 'A thousand per cent, boss.' Whatever! It's a lot of money. 'Will he get it though?' He might. The shareholders are going to have a vote on it.

Personally, I hope it all works out for him. 'Bruce will be able to retire and play golf all day!' That's the plan, I think.

Good luck, son!

...

Anything else? Personal development? I'm a changed man today! 'Eh? What are you going on about, Mikey?' Tony Robbins and Jim Rohn say you've got to change yourself. Well, I've done it, man. This morning. I decided this morning. 'Ha! I'll believe it when I see it.' Believe it now, motherf**ker! I've changed. [Oh, I shouldn't swear. Bad habit!] 'How have you changed?' That's a secret. 'I see.' You think you know it all, don't you, Voice?

Voice?

Uh, he's gone. Negative attitude. Some people are like that. Not that he's a "person", of course.

Politics? Jesus H. Christ! Everyone will need a positive attitude like me by the end of June if we leave the EU and the economy crashes. I got bad vibes about it, man. Real bad. / Years ago I was all in favour of getting out, but ... times change, people change, you dig? And I just look at Boris Johnson and Michael Gove and Iain Duncan Smith and Chris Grayling and Priti Patel and Nigel Farage. Do you know what I mean? Imagine them running the country. Just imagine it! / However, I don't know if I'll actually vote ...

Ah, that's enough. Laters.