Jellynote secures $800K to fuel growth and video production

Right. We've got a PR email today about music. Which I think makes a nice change. 'Great, boss!' Yeah.

Paris, March 14, 2017 - Jellynote, an AI powered Music Edtech Platform, announced today that it has secured $800K to drive user acquisition and production of exclusive Artist Masterclasses. The latest round is led by Danish Fund Nordic Eye with participation of existing investor Partech Ventures and Jellynote's CEO Martijn Tjho.

Okay. AI powered?! 'Robots?!' I suppose ... Christ! Well, whatever. / But let's hear the rest of it ...

Recently launching its new social feature, Jellynote is pioneering music education through innovation, peer to peer learning and a rich content library. The AI powered music platform breaks the academic method and allows aspiring musicians to teach themselves an instrument in a fun way.

Hang on a minute! I taught myself to play the guitar without - 'You're like Eric Clapton, boss!' Of course I am, Voice! And I didn't need no fucking robot looking over my shoulder. What the hell is this?!

Today the service boasts 1M users who come to play to learn their favourite songs across mobile and WEB. Building on this momentum, Jellynote will use the additional financing to develop the company further in becoming the number one platform for musicians around the world.

The platform features a variety of tools and a robust library of content to support becoming a musician and learning new songs through video, sheets, tabs, chords and exclusive Artist Masterclasses and original YouTube teacher tutorials.

Well, whatever. Maybe some people will like it. 'I'm not sure there is a robot, boss.' What?! You mentioned robots. 'But you said something about a robot looking over your shoulder.' Yeah, while you're playing the guitar. I mean, it's not something I need. And how expensive is it, anyway? Also, what if the robot malfunctions and tries to strangle you while you're playing? 'That's a good point, boss. Imagine you play a bum note or strum the wrong chord. The robot could get upset and just go fucking mental.' I know!

Well ... I'm sure Martijn Tjho has got something to say about all this. 'Who?!' Martijn Tjho.

"28% of the World population plays an instrument. Jellynote is perfectly positioned to help musicians hone their talent," says Jellynote CEO Martijn Tjho. "With this funding Jellynote can acquire new users and encourage new aspiring musicians to pick up an instrument and play".

Okay. He hasn't said anything about that bloody robot. Maybe he's embarrassed. 'It's probably a prototype.' That's what I'm thinking, Voice.

Anyway, what's this Partech Ventures?

Founded in 1982 in Silicon Valley, Partech Ventures is a global investment firm with a team spread across offices in San Francisco, Paris and Berlin. Most Partners have been entrepreneurs themselves or have held management positions within tech companies. The partnership acts and invests as a single team, helping entrepreneurs build fast-growing tech and digital companies addressing large markets across multiple continents.

Okay. And Nordic Eye?

Nordic Eye is a Danish venture capital firm based in Copenhagen and Los Angeles, California. They invest in carefully selected and mainly Nordic early-growth companies in tech and lifestyle business areas. They look for companies that can scale globally and where we can add value while helping to provide great exit opportunities within approximately five years.

Fair enough. But are these firms happy about the robot? 'They must be.' Unless they haven't been told. There's going to be trouble, I reckon.

However, it's not my problem, dear reader(s). I've got enough on my plate. So ... laters, you dig?

Who on earth is Charles Jewkes?!

Who is he?! He's just got a new job at Fulcrum Asset Management. He used to be at Schroders. But ... who on earth is he?! 'Ha! You don't know who Charlie Jewkes is, boss? Are you serious?!' Who is he, Voice? 'Man, Charlie used to work at Schroders as the business development director. Now he's at Fulcrum in a new role they've invented just for him. He's the director of global financial institutions or something. It's all insurance stuff. Look -'

Leadership of Fulcrum Asset Management's strategic business expansion into the Global Financial Institutions and Global Insurance markets through the delivery of highly sophisticated multi-asset and systematic absolute return capabilities.

Great ... 'That's what he does!' Yes, yes, yes, Voice. But who is he, this Charlie? 'Uh ... oh, Christ! You mean in the existential sense?' That's exactly what I mean. 'Well, come on, let's face it, who is anyone? Who are you? Who am I?' Well, we're just creatures, I suppose. Bodies. And you don't even have a body. 'Er, hang on a minute, I have an astral body, boss.' Yes, congratulations, son. It's not quite the same thing, is it, eh?

Is it? Is it? Uh, I don't know ...

But, so ... we have bodies, physical or astral. Actually, physical and astral, most of us, on earth. I mean, I like to get away, in the night. Float off in dreams, you dig? 'You still do that?' Yes. 'Well, I haven't seen you around lately.' I keep a low profile.

But, but, but ... / Who in the astral sky is Charlie Jewkes?! He probably likes to get away, himself. Maybe one day I'll see him, flying high in the friendly astral sky. 'I like this, boss. This is the old you, this is. Before all that conceptual shit.' Shut up, you idiot!

I'm just ... I don't know, you know? 'Yeah. It happens to the best of them, Mikey.' Ha! You don't even know what I'm talking about, Voice. Please be quiet. Please!

And that's enough with our Charlie.

...

So, anyway, music. [I'm listening to Happy Mondays.] Yeah, I ain't recording those two songs this week. [Maybe Sunday. But I'm not happy on Sundays, usually.] I'm just not in the mood, you dig? I'm relying on these two songs, my best, and they've got to sound good with just my voice and an acoustic guitar. It's difficult, man.

But that's my problem. Don't worry about it, reader(s). So ... well, laters. Tomorrow, obviously.

[No. 496] Creeps gonna do their thing

What can I say?

And NO SURPRISES no more[1], and I say: Son, daughter, don't listen to what they say, just keep getting a-ROUND, you dig?[1], and NO SURPRISES no more[2], and Jesus H. - ! Seriously![1], and I say: Son, daughter, don't listen to what they say, just keep getting a-ROUND, you dig?[2], and we feel so good, us kooks, don't we?[1], and Jesus H. - ! Seriously![2], and, personally, I'll never change[1], and we feel so good, us kooks, don't we?[2], and if we felt any better, man, people would say: Those guys are on something[1], and, personally, I'll never change[2], and look out your window / it's a cold, square world[1], and if we felt any better, man, people would say: Those guys are on something[2], and, FFS! ... the creeps have no imagination whatsoever and absolutely no soul[1], and look out your window / it's a cold, square world[2], and it's hard to even look at them[1], and, FFS! ... the creeps have no imagination whatsoever and absolutely no soul[2], and they sicken me, being so serious about trivial things / and how many galaxies are there again?[1], and it's hard to even look at them[2], and, uh ...[1], and they sicken me, being so serious about trivial things / and how many galaxies are there again?[2], and, uh ... two fucking trillion at the last count! / Do you know what I mean?[1], and, uh ...[2], and, oh, creep, you got some news now? Ha![1], and, uh ... two fucking trillion at the last count! / Do you know what I mean?[2], and take a day off, lost one / even better, take the rest of your life off, yeah, your life, such as it is[1], and, oh, creep, you got some news now? Ha![2], and I can't help you, creep, not kook, if you won't help yourself[1], and take a day off, lost one / even better, take the rest of your life off, yeah, your life, such as it is[2], and let's leave them far behind, my friend(s), while we get so very ... DIZZY(!) - !!! / and, uh, cruel to be kind? Maybe[1], and I can't help you, creep, not kook, if you won't help yourself[2], and ... or just cruel[1], and let's leave them far behind, my friend(s), while we get so very ... DIZZY(!) - !!! / and, uh, cruel to be kind? Maybe[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here NOW! / and, yes, we were chosen, yeah, we chose ourselves[1], and ... or just cruel[2], and creeps, squares ... all the same, just bastards[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here NOW! / and, yes, we were chosen, yeah, we chose ourselves[2], and the best of us remember the desert, ah, a long time ago / and I hope I don't cry[1], and creeps, squares ... all the same, just bastards[2], and these are apples / they don't like them[1], and the best of us remember the desert, ah, a long time ago / and I hope I don't cry[2], and NO SURPRISES no more[3], and these are apples / they don't like them[2], and I say: Son, daughter, don't listen to what they say, just keep getting a-ROUND, you dig?[3], and Jesus H. - ! Seriously![3], and we feel so good, us kooks, don't we?[3], and, personally, I'll never change[3], and if we felt any better, man, people would say: Those guys are on something[3], and look out your window / it's a cold, square world[3], and, FFS! ... the creeps have no imagination whatsoever and absolutely no soul[3], and it's hard to even look at them[3], and they sicken me, being so serious about trivial things / and how many galaxies are there again?[3], and, uh ...[3], and, uh ... two fucking trillion at the last count! / Do you know what I mean?[3], and, oh, creep, you got some news now? Ha![3], and take a day off, lost one / even better, take the rest of your life off, yeah, your life, such as it is[3], and I can't help you, creep, not kook, if you won't help yourself[3], and let's leave them far behind, my friend(s), while we get so very ... DIZZY(!) - !!! / and, uh, cruel to be kind? Maybe[3], and ... or just cruel[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here NOW! / and, yes, we were chosen, yeah, we chose ourselves[3], and creeps, squares ... all the same, just bastards[3], and the best of us remember the desert, ah, a long time ago / and I hope I don't cry[3], and these are apples / they don't like them[3], and

And NO SURPRISES no more[1], and I say: Son, daughter, don't listen to what they say, just keep getting a-ROUND, you dig?[1], and NO SURPRISES no more[2], and Jesus H. - ! Seriously![1], and I say: Son, daughter, don't listen to what they say, just keep getting a-ROUND, you dig?[2], and we feel so good, us kooks, don't we?[1], and Jesus H. - ! Seriously![2], and, personally, I'll never change[1], and we feel so good, us kooks, don't we?[2], and if we felt any better, man, people would say: Those guys are on something[1], and, personally, I'll never change[2], and look out your window / it's a cold, square world[1], and if we felt any better, man, people would say: Those guys are on something[2], and, FFS! ... the creeps have no imagination whatsoever and absolutely no soul[1], and look out your window / it's a cold, square world[2], and it's hard to even look at them[1], and, FFS! ... the creeps have no imagination whatsoever and absolutely no soul[2], and they sicken me, being so serious about trivial things / and how many galaxies are there again?[1], and it's hard to even look at them[2], and, uh ...[1], and they sicken me, being so serious about trivial things / and how many galaxies are there again?[2], and, uh ... two fucking trillion at the last count! / Do you know what I mean?[1], and, uh ...[2], and, oh, creep, you got some news now? Ha![1], and, uh ... two fucking trillion at the last count! / Do you know what I mean?[2], and take a day off, lost one / even better, take the rest of your life off, yeah, your life, such as it is[1], and, oh, creep, you got some news now? Ha![2], and I can't help you, creep, not kook, if you won't help yourself[1], and take a day off, lost one / even better, take the rest of your life off, yeah, your life, such as it is[2], and let's leave them far behind, my friend(s), while we get so very ... DIZZY(!) - !!! / and, uh, cruel to be kind? Maybe[1], and I can't help you, creep, not kook, if you won't help yourself[2], and ... or just cruel[1], and let's leave them far behind, my friend(s), while we get so very ... DIZZY(!) - !!! / and, uh, cruel to be kind? Maybe[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here NOW! / and, yes, we were chosen, yeah, we chose ourselves[1], and ... or just cruel[2], and creeps, squares ... all the same, just bastards[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here NOW! / and, yes, we were chosen, yeah, we chose ourselves[2], and the best of us remember the desert, ah, a long time ago / and I hope I don't cry[1], and creeps, squares ... all the same, just bastards[2], and these are apples / they don't like them[1], and the best of us remember the desert, ah, a long time ago / and I hope I don't cry[2], and NO SURPRISES no more[3], and these are apples / they don't like them[2], and I say: Son, daughter, don't listen to what they say, just keep getting a-ROUND, you dig?[3], and Jesus H. - ! Seriously![3], and we feel so good, us kooks, don't we?[3], and, personally, I'll never change[3], and if we felt any better, man, people would say: Those guys are on something[3], and look out your window / it's a cold, square world[3], and, FFS! ... the creeps have no imagination whatsoever and absolutely no soul[3], and it's hard to even look at them[3], and they sicken me, being so serious about trivial things / and how many galaxies are there again?[3], and, uh ...[3], and, uh ... two fucking trillion at the last count! / Do you know what I mean?[3], and, oh, creep, you got some news now? Ha![3], and take a day off, lost one / even better, take the rest of your life off, yeah, your life, such as it is[3], and I can't help you, creep, not kook, if you won't help yourself[3], and let's leave them far behind, my friend(s), while we get so very ... DIZZY(!) - !!! / and, uh, cruel to be kind? Maybe[3], and ... or just cruel[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here NOW! / and, yes, we were chosen, yeah, we chose ourselves[3], and creeps, squares ... all the same, just bastards[3], and the best of us remember the desert, ah, a long time ago / and I hope I don't cry[3], and these are apples / they don't like them[3], and

And NO SURPRISES no more[1], and I say: Son, daughter, don't listen to what they say, just keep getting a-ROUND, you dig?[1], and NO SURPRISES no more[2], and Jesus H. - ! Seriously![1], and I say: Son, daughter, don't listen to what they say, just keep getting a-ROUND, you dig?[2], and we feel so good, us kooks, don't we?[1], and Jesus H. - ! Seriously![2], and, personally, I'll never change[1], and we feel so good, us kooks, don't we?[2], and if we felt any better, man, people would say: Those guys are on something[1], and, personally, I'll never change[2], and look out your window / it's a cold, square world[1], and if we felt any better, man, people would say: Those guys are on something[2], and, FFS! ... the creeps have no imagination whatsoever and absolutely no soul[1], and look out your window / it's a cold, square world[2], and it's hard to even look at them[1], and, FFS! ... the creeps have no imagination whatsoever and absolutely no soul[2], and they sicken me, being so serious about trivial things / and how many galaxies are there again?[1], and it's hard to even look at them[2], and, uh ...[1], and they sicken me, being so serious about trivial things / and how many galaxies are there again?[2], and, uh ... two fucking trillion at the last count! / Do you know what I mean?[1], and, uh ...[2], and, oh, creep, you got some news now? Ha![1], and, uh ... two fucking trillion at the last count! / Do you know what I mean?[2], and take a day off, lost one / even better, take the rest of your life off, yeah, your life, such as it is[1], and, oh, creep, you got some news now? Ha![2], and I can't help you, creep, not kook, if you won't help yourself[1], and take a day off, lost one / even better, take the rest of your life off, yeah, your life, such as it is[2], and let's leave them far behind, my friend(s), while we get so very ... DIZZY(!) - !!! / and, uh, cruel to be kind? Maybe[1], and I can't help you, creep, not kook, if you won't help yourself[2], and ... or just cruel[1], and let's leave them far behind, my friend(s), while we get so very ... DIZZY(!) - !!! / and, uh, cruel to be kind? Maybe[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here NOW! / and, yes, we were chosen, yeah, we chose ourselves[1], and ... or just cruel[2], and creeps, squares ... all the same, just bastards[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here NOW! / and, yes, we were chosen, yeah, we chose ourselves[2], and the best of us remember the desert, ah, a long time ago / and I hope I don't cry[1], and creeps, squares ... all the same, just bastards[2], and these are apples / they don't like them[1], and the best of us remember the desert, ah, a long time ago / and I hope I don't cry[2], and NO SURPRISES no more[3], and these are apples / they don't like them[2], and I say: Son, daughter, don't listen to what they say, just keep getting a-ROUND, you dig?[3], and Jesus H. - ! Seriously![3], and we feel so good, us kooks, don't we?[3], and, personally, I'll never change[3], and if we felt any better, man, people would say: Those guys are on something[3], and look out your window / it's a cold, square world[3], and, FFS! ... the creeps have no imagination whatsoever and absolutely no soul[3], and it's hard to even look at them[3], and they sicken me, being so serious about trivial things / and how many galaxies are there again?[3], and, uh ...[3], and, uh ... two fucking trillion at the last count! / Do you know what I mean?[3], and, oh, creep, you got some news now? Ha![3], and take a day off, lost one / even better, take the rest of your life off, yeah, your life, such as it is[3], and I can't help you, creep, not kook, if you won't help yourself[3], and let's leave them far behind, my friend(s), while we get so very ... DIZZY(!) - !!! / and, uh, cruel to be kind? Maybe[3], and ... or just cruel[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... here NOW! / and, yes, we were chosen, yeah, we chose ourselves[3], and creeps, squares ... all the same, just bastards[3], and the best of us remember the desert, ah, a long time ago / and I hope I don't cry[3], and these are apples / they don't like them[3], and

The Lego Group reports record revenue in 2016 - !!!

Yeah, a PR email, and Lego update. I like writing about Lego, and I know that Ewan Kirk and all the gang at Cantab Capital like it when I write about Lego.

I'm still not sure if it's Lego or LEGO though. 'Does it matter, boss?' Probably not, Voice. Anyway ...

New investments in capacity, digital developments, sustainability initiatives and people lay the foundation to bring LEGO® play to even more children around the world in the future.

Yeah, children ... and fund managers.

The LEGO Group today released its financial results for 2016, reporting the highest revenue in the Group's 85 year history.

2016 highlights:

Revenue for the full year increased by 6.0 percent in DKK to DKK 37.9 billion compared with DKK 35.8 billion for 2015.

Revenue for the full year increased 5.5 percent compared with 2015, excluding the impact of foreign currency exchange.

Operating profit (profit before financial items and tax) for 2016 was DKK 12.4 billion compared with DKK 12.2 billion for 2015, an increase of 1.7 percent year on year.

Net profit for the full year was DKK 9.4 billion compared with DKK 9.2 billion in 2015.

Cash flow from operating activities for the year was DKK 9.1 billion compared with DKK 10.6 billion in 2015.

Tax on profit for the year amounts to DKK 3.0 billion, unchanged from 2015.

Significant investments were made in building capacity and capability to deliver the Group's long-term growth ambition.

Well, that's all right, ain't it? I'm just wondering what Bali Padda has got to say about it all. 'For Christ's sake, Mikey! Who on earth is Bali Padda?! Seriously!' The chief executive, man. 'Oh.'

CEO, Bali Padda said, "We are satisfied with our performance in 2016. We had a strong first half of the year, while consumer sales growth in the second half was at more sustainable levels than previous years. We were encouraged by our performance in mature markets in Europe and continue to see strong potential in China, which represents an attractive growth opportunity. In the US, consumer sales were flat year-on-yes despite a significant increase in marketing spend in the second half year. We will continue to work closely with our retail partners to identify new opportunities to innovate, drive growth and engage children (and guys like Ewan Kirk) in this important market."

Ha! 'Er ... did he really mention, Ewan Kirk, boss?' No. I added that. 'Cheeky!' I couldn't resist, Voice.

Anyway, there's a bit more. I'll do the bit about the new products. 355 of them, apparently.

Revenue growth was driven by performance of core themes including LEGO® City, LEGO® NINJAGO, LEGO Friends, LEGO Technic, and LEGO Creator. During 2016, more than 355 new items were launched, including LEGO NEXO KNIGHTS™, an innovative platform that combines digital and physical play.

And the chief again -

"Innovation is critical to our success and each year around 60 percent of our portfolio is new products. We are constantly challenging ourselves to engage and inspire children with the most relevant, exciting and fun play experiences. This year we have strengthened our efforts around digital engagement, and found new ways to connect with children online and through a range of digital platforms," said Padda.

And fund managers, of course. / And that's enough. We don't want to hear about the plans for this year. 'We'll cover it when it happens.' Yeah, probably.

...

Anything else? I've got a headache, dear reader(s). So keep the noise down, please. However, I've got some music on low. This and that. Bowie, The La's, etc.

My music? I'll be ready to record those two songs this week, if I can shake these headaches off. It's the smart phone that does it. My eyes. Never mind.

Yeah, maybe all four will appear on that other blog after Easter. I want a break first. Away. 'Where, Mikey?!' You know where! / And I'm sticking with the old fourth position song, not the new one. It's not as melodic, the old one, but I like the chord riff, you dig? And the first verse lyric. Probably the coolest verse ever written.

And you know the coolest two lines ever written, by Bowie? It's not the side effects of the cocaine / I'm thinking that it must be love.

Rock and fucking roll, eh?

And the second coolest two lines? Son, I'm thirty / I only went with your mother 'cause she's dirty. Happy Mondays.

But I got a whole verse! [I can't take two lines out though. It doesn't work that way.]

Anyway, laters.

[No. 495] Give me words!

Oh, let me mash them up.

And these words, ah, any words will do[1], and I'm not all that fussy when ... I'm in a mood to destroy the sense of the whole world, man![1], and these words, ah, any words will do[2], and let me tell you a story, ha![1], and I'm not all that fussy when ... I'm in a mood to destroy the sense of the whole world, man![2], and, son, uh, daughter, what serious story can I tell you ... that you really need to hear?[1], and let me tell you a story, ha![2], and, no, no, no ... I won't insult you / and no, no, no, I won't waste your time[1], and, son, uh, daughter, what serious story can I tell you ... that you really need to hear?[2], and ... lost the power of speech, eh?[1], and, no, no, no ... I won't insult you / and no, no, no, I won't waste your time[2], and that's fine / just get spinning[1], and ... lost the power of speech, eh?[2], and, but, but, but ... if you've got anything about you, you'll want to get a-ROUND, okay?[1], and that's fine / just get spinning[2], and DIZZY(!) ... is the way[1], and, but, but, but ... if you've got anything about you, you'll want to get a-ROUND, okay?[2], and today is the day! / and the seconds are passing / and the good news is: every day is the day for our sort[1], and DIZZY(!) ... is the way[2], and I take it you're a kook?[1], and today is the day! / and the seconds are passing / and the good news is: every day is the day for our sort[2], and this moment ... could be yours / uh, once, twice, thrice ... in a lifetime fucking OPPORTUNITY!!![1], and I take it you're a kook?[2], and ... you dig?[1], and this moment ... could be yours / uh, once, twice, thrice ... in a lifetime fucking OPPORTUNITY!!![2], and some of you guys are a bit slow on the uptake, I have to say / Oh, I really have to say[1], and ... you dig?[2], and what do YOU(!) actually want?! / Man, I'm at my wits' end[1], and some of you guys are a bit slow on the uptake, I have to say / Oh, I really have to say[2], and imagine at work, one of your business emails to a client ... the things I could do with it, ha![1], and what do YOU(!) actually want?! / Man, I'm at my wits' end[2], and let me try ...[1], and imagine at work, one of your business emails to a client ... the things I could do with it, ha![2], and I could change your life ... / ... and a-ROUND here your soul has already been damaged[1], and let me try ...[2], and ... or fixed[1], and I could change your life ... / ... and a-ROUND here your soul has already been damaged[2], and as long as you're happy ...[1], and ... or fixed[2], and ain't you got no WORDS at all - ?![1], and as long as you're happy ...[2], and whatever, yeah?[1], and ain't you got no WORDS at all - ?![2], and these words, ah, any words will do[3], and whatever, yeah?[2], and I'm not all that fussy when ... I'm in a mood to destroy the sense of the whole world, man![3], and let me tell you a story, ha![3], and, son, uh, daughter, what serious story can I tell you ... that you really need to hear?[3], and, no, no, no ... I won't insult you / and no, no, no, I won't waste your time[3], and ... lost the power of speech, eh?[3], and that's fine / just get spinning[3], and, but, but, but ... if you've got anything about you, you'll want to get a-ROUND, okay?[3], and DIZZY(!) ... is the way[3], and today is the day! / and the seconds are passing / and the good news is: every day is the day for our sort[3], and I take it you're a kook?[3], and this moment ... could be yours / uh, once, twice, thrice ... in a lifetime fucking OPPORTUNITY!!![3], and ... you dig?[3], and some of you guys are a bit slow on the uptake, I have to say / Oh, I really have to say[3], and what do YOU(!) actually want?! / Man, I'm at my wits' end[3], and imagine at work, one of your business emails to a client ... the things I could do with it, ha![3], and let me try ...[3], and I could change your life ... / ... and a-ROUND here your soul has already been damaged[3], and ... or fixed[3], and as long as you're happy ...[3], and ain't you got no WORDS at all - ?![3], and whatever, yeah?[3], and

And these words, ah, any words will do[1], and I'm not all that fussy when ... I'm in a mood to destroy the sense of the whole world, man![1], and these words, ah, any words will do[2], and let me tell you a story, ha![1], and I'm not all that fussy when ... I'm in a mood to destroy the sense of the whole world, man![2], and, son, uh, daughter, what serious story can I tell you ... that you really need to hear?[1], and let me tell you a story, ha![2], and, no, no, no ... I won't insult you / and no, no, no, I won't waste your time[1], and, son, uh, daughter, what serious story can I tell you ... that you really need to hear?[2], and ... lost the power of speech, eh?[1], and, no, no, no ... I won't insult you / and no, no, no, I won't waste your time[2], and that's fine / just get spinning[1], and ... lost the power of speech, eh?[2], and, but, but, but ... if you've got anything about you, you'll want to get a-ROUND, okay?[1], and that's fine / just get spinning[2], and DIZZY(!) ... is the way[1], and, but, but, but ... if you've got anything about you, you'll want to get a-ROUND, okay?[2], and today is the day! / and the seconds are passing / and the good news is: every day is the day for our sort[1], and DIZZY(!) ... is the way[2], and I take it you're a kook?[1], and today is the day! / and the seconds are passing / and the good news is: every day is the day for our sort[2], and this moment ... could be yours / uh, once, twice, thrice ... in a lifetime fucking OPPORTUNITY!!![1], and I take it you're a kook?[2], and ... you dig?[1], and this moment ... could be yours / uh, once, twice, thrice ... in a lifetime fucking OPPORTUNITY!!![2], and some of you guys are a bit slow on the uptake, I have to say / Oh, I really have to say[1], and ... you dig?[2], and what do YOU(!) actually want?! / Man, I'm at my wits' end[1], and some of you guys are a bit slow on the uptake, I have to say / Oh, I really have to say[2], and imagine at work, one of your business emails to a client ... the things I could do with it, ha![1], and what do YOU(!) actually want?! / Man, I'm at my wits' end[2], and let me try ...[1], and imagine at work, one of your business emails to a client ... the things I could do with it, ha![2], and I could change your life ... / ... and a-ROUND here your soul has already been damaged[1], and let me try ...[2], and ... or fixed[1], and I could change your life ... / ... and a-ROUND here your soul has already been damaged[2], and as long as you're happy ...[1], and ... or fixed[2], and ain't you got no WORDS at all - ?![1], and as long as you're happy ...[2], and whatever, yeah?[1], and ain't you got no WORDS at all - ?![2], and these words, ah, any words will do[3], and whatever, yeah?[2], and I'm not all that fussy when ... I'm in a mood to destroy the sense of the whole world, man![3], and let me tell you a story, ha![3], and, son, uh, daughter, what serious story can I tell you ... that you really need to hear?[3], and, no, no, no ... I won't insult you / and no, no, no, I won't waste your time[3], and ... lost the power of speech, eh?[3], and that's fine / just get spinning[3], and, but, but, but ... if you've got anything about you, you'll want to get a-ROUND, okay?[3], and DIZZY(!) ... is the way[3], and today is the day! / and the seconds are passing / and the good news is: every day is the day for our sort[3], and I take it you're a kook?[3], and this moment ... could be yours / uh, once, twice, thrice ... in a lifetime fucking OPPORTUNITY!!![3], and ... you dig?[3], and some of you guys are a bit slow on the uptake, I have to say / Oh, I really have to say[3], and what do YOU(!) actually want?! / Man, I'm at my wits' end[3], and imagine at work, one of your business emails to a client ... the things I could do with it, ha![3], and let me try ...[3], and I could change your life ... / ... and a-ROUND here your soul has already been damaged[3], and ... or fixed[3], and as long as you're happy ...[3], and ain't you got no WORDS at all - ?![3], and whatever, yeah?[3], and

And these words, ah, any words will do[1], and I'm not all that fussy when ... I'm in a mood to destroy the sense of the whole world, man![1], and these words, ah, any words will do[2], and let me tell you a story, ha![1], and I'm not all that fussy when ... I'm in a mood to destroy the sense of the whole world, man![2], and, son, uh, daughter, what serious story can I tell you ... that you really need to hear?[1], and let me tell you a story, ha![2], and, no, no, no ... I won't insult you / and no, no, no, I won't waste your time[1], and, son, uh, daughter, what serious story can I tell you ... that you really need to hear?[2], and ... lost the power of speech, eh?[1], and, no, no, no ... I won't insult you / and no, no, no, I won't waste your time[2], and that's fine / just get spinning[1], and ... lost the power of speech, eh?[2], and, but, but, but ... if you've got anything about you, you'll want to get a-ROUND, okay?[1], and that's fine / just get spinning[2], and DIZZY(!) ... is the way[1], and, but, but, but ... if you've got anything about you, you'll want to get a-ROUND, okay?[2], and today is the day! / and the seconds are passing / and the good news is: every day is the day for our sort[1], and DIZZY(!) ... is the way[2], and I take it you're a kook?[1], and today is the day! / and the seconds are passing / and the good news is: every day is the day for our sort[2], and this moment ... could be yours / uh, once, twice, thrice ... in a lifetime fucking OPPORTUNITY!!![1], and I take it you're a kook?[2], and ... you dig?[1], and this moment ... could be yours / uh, once, twice, thrice ... in a lifetime fucking OPPORTUNITY!!![2], and some of you guys are a bit slow on the uptake, I have to say / Oh, I really have to say[1], and ... you dig?[2], and what do YOU(!) actually want?! / Man, I'm at my wits' end[1], and some of you guys are a bit slow on the uptake, I have to say / Oh, I really have to say[2], and imagine at work, one of your business emails to a client ... the things I could do with it, ha![1], and what do YOU(!) actually want?! / Man, I'm at my wits' end[2], and let me try ...[1], and imagine at work, one of your business emails to a client ... the things I could do with it, ha![2], and I could change your life ... / ... and a-ROUND here your soul has already been damaged[1], and let me try ...[2], and ... or fixed[1], and I could change your life ... / ... and a-ROUND here your soul has already been damaged[2], and as long as you're happy ...[1], and ... or fixed[2], and ain't you got no WORDS at all - ?![1], and as long as you're happy ...[2], and whatever, yeah?[1], and ain't you got no WORDS at all - ?![2], and these words, ah, any words will do[3], and whatever, yeah?[2], and I'm not all that fussy when ... I'm in a mood to destroy the sense of the whole world, man![3], and let me tell you a story, ha![3], and, son, uh, daughter, what serious story can I tell you ... that you really need to hear?[3], and, no, no, no ... I won't insult you / and no, no, no, I won't waste your time[3], and ... lost the power of speech, eh?[3], and that's fine / just get spinning[3], and, but, but, but ... if you've got anything about you, you'll want to get a-ROUND, okay?[3], and DIZZY(!) ... is the way[3], and today is the day! / and the seconds are passing / and the good news is: every day is the day for our sort[3], and I take it you're a kook?[3], and this moment ... could be yours / uh, once, twice, thrice ... in a lifetime fucking OPPORTUNITY!!![3], and ... you dig?[3], and some of you guys are a bit slow on the uptake, I have to say / Oh, I really have to say[3], and what do YOU(!) actually want?! / Man, I'm at my wits' end[3], and imagine at work, one of your business emails to a client ... the things I could do with it, ha![3], and let me try ...[3], and I could change your life ... / ... and a-ROUND here your soul has already been damaged[3], and ... or fixed[3], and as long as you're happy ...[3], and ain't you got no WORDS at all - ?![3], and whatever, yeah?[3], and

Numis has apologized to Schroders

Oh, that's nice. It was the right thing to do, I think. 'Why? What's this all about, boss?' Christ! You keep asking me that? What's it all about? What's it all about? This blog ... is about finance, Voice. Deal with it! [Except for my conceptual posts, which ain't about NOTHING ... just EVERYTHING, you dig? 'And "everything" said the way Gary Oldman says "everyone", in that film, like.' Yes. Certainly.] Well, well ...

The thing is, Numis had no idea that Schroders does all the work, too, for Aviva Investors. Apart from its own work, I mean. 'Ha! Shocking! And what do the Aviva Investors mob do?' Er, well ... this time of year? They'll be getting ready to move out of the pub and into the local park. 'Jesus!' It's actually going to be very sunny and quite warm today, so ... 'Ice creams all round, yeah?' I wouldn't be surprised, Voice. 'H. - ! Life of Riley!' Tell me about it.

Anyway, yeah, uh ... Numis apologized because last week it criticized a Schroders press release saying that 74 per cent of the firm's assets had outperformed their benchmark over three years, rising to ... 85 per cent over five years. Or something. I don't know. I don't really care. 'Numis reckons the performance figures were disingenuous. They've changed their minds now though.' Whatever, man. It doesn't matter. I only know those poor Schroders mugs are working themselves into an early grave. It's too much.

Having said that ... what are Aviva Investors supposed to do? 'Start working for a living?' Ha! Not in this lifetime, son. They're anarchists, anti-capitalists. 'Wasters.' Oh, that's harsh. Listen, I've said it before and I'll say it again - 'Aviva Investors is a refuge from the modern world, boss.' Yes, thank you. I was just going to say that. I don't need you to finish my sentences for me.

Well, well ... where was I? Where am I? Oh, I don't actually want to see Aviva Investors change its culture, you know? I'm just worried about Schroders, that's all. 'It might be a nice idea if the Aviva Investors mob were to invite the Schroders mugs to the pub one time.' Yeah. The Schroders lot are a bunch of squares though, as well as being mugs. I couldn't see it working. 'Never mind, man.'

...

Uh ... / But never mind, eh? Let's have some music, reader(s)! 'What are you putting on, Mikey?' Happy Mondays. Greatest Hits. For a change.

My music? Oh, I ain't scrapping that new tune, after all. 'Make your mind up!' I went off it, temporarily, because I was playing it with the wrong chord in a certain place. 'Eh?' I wasn't playing the tune the way I wrote it, so it sounded bad. But now it's good again, and I'm happy! 'Nice one!'

If I get the lyrics quickly, it could make fourth spot on my new demo, although I have a pretty decent song already prepared for that position, so ... let's wait and see.

Laters. / Last post of the week, a conceptual, No. 495, tonight, you dig?

Investors must weigh the yield opportunities ...

In, in ... uh, in shorter duration stocks against the maturity of the current economic cycle. Apparently. That's what Rebecca says, anyway. 'Rebecca? Rebecca, who, boss? What's this all about?' Ha! It's the Wednesday morning PR email, my little invisible friend. Back by popular demand and all that. 'But it's the middle of the bloody night!' Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. Did I wake you up? 'Why can't you keep regular hours, Mikey?' Because I want to do this ... NOW! Okay?

Right. Rebecca Chesworth is an equity strategist at State Street Global Advisors SPDR ETF business UK. 'Oh, them again.' Well, they keep sending me this stuff, man. / Let's see what she says -

The equity market rally witnessed over the past few years has been characterized by an unusual pattern of sector leadership. Stocks traditionally considered low-beta, and hence more defensive have, thus far, led the rally.

Okay. And - 'Hang on, boss!' What? 'You haven't put any music on.' Christ! Wait a minute, dear reader(s). [A minute passes. Or a very long pause, as Harold Pinter would have written it.] Music! 'Brian Eno's Apollo again?' Yeah. So?

This is particularly true of long-duration sectors where cash flows are more bankable, dividend yield pay-outs high, and the risk of a cyclical drawdown in earnings low. The Consumer Staples, Utilities, and Health Care sectors very much fit this profile.

I missed that. Rebecca, love, I wasn't ready! 'Ha!' Oh, here she goes again -

Valuations in these sectors have, consequently, become extended. On the other hand, more economically sensitive sectors have registered less emphatic shareholder returns and market ratings.

Okay. Okay. Okay. I can't say it means a lot in my life. However, please continue.

Thank you, Mikey. There has also been a significant shift in the dividend payout profile across global sectors in recent years. The dividend contributions from traditionally more defensive sectors such as Telecoms and Consumer Staples have been on the wane, whilst more cyclical sectors such as Information Technology, Consumer Discretionary, and Energy have seen their contribution to total market yield rise.

'She likes you, boss.' How do you know that, Voice? 'She called you Mikey.' That's my name. 'Yeah, but in a situation like this Mr Fowke would be normal. Or Michael.' I suppose. What's she going on about now?

The appearance of high dividends is not, however, necessarily indicative of actual delivery of yield, or indeed of dividend yield growth.

A bundle of laughs, this one. I wish she would let her hair down a bit, you know? Is there much more of this?

Scrutiny of the sustainability of yield is important. For example, the high dividend yield seen in the Energy sector in the Global Sector Dividend Yield chart opposite is partly a result of depressed valuations.

Depressed valuations? Let me tell you, I'm depressed, myself. But that's another story.

Sustainability is very much in question given the moribund nature of energy markets in the short term. Investors need to zero-in on earnings-to-dividend coverage ratios to assess sustainability of yield.

Okay. Fine. Can we talk about music now?

Excessively cyclical sectors will carry some risk of a weakening in earnings power as the economic cycle progresses, with the attendant risk of a cut to dividend pay-out ratios.

Reader(s), you know that new tune I told you about yesterday? I've decided to scrap it. I've got enough on my plate just trying to record the songs I've already written. 'Boss, don't upset her.' FFS! Go on, Rebecca.

We see more sustainable dividend yields in the Resources, Industrials, and Information Technology sectors, whilst more heterogeneous sectors currently present interesting opportunities. Ultimately, investors must weigh the yield opportunities in shorter duration stocks against the maturity of the current economic cycle.

And?

And?

And?!

'She's gone, boss!' Well, that was a bit sudden. 'You upset her.' No I didn't! 'I think you did.' Shut up! We were getting on like a house on fire. 'Whatever.' She called me Mikey. 'Yeah.'

Anyway ...

Ah, that's it. Time for bed!

What's going on at Bridgewater Associates now?

Well ... all sorts of things, I suppose. I mean, Ray Dalio doesn't want to be the co-chief executive any more, but he still wants to be co-chief investment officer and co-chairman. 'Ha! all this "co" stuff, boss.' Yes, Voice, there's an awful lot of "co" stuff at Bridgewater. They've got co-post boys and co-tea ladies, and co-everything, basically. 'Maybe Ray doesn't trust anyone to do their job properly.' What, even himself?! 'Maybe he has problems.' You have problems, son, I tell you. Or you will have.

Anyway, David McCormick and Eileen Murray are (or will be, as it were, or as it is, soon to be, was) co-chief executives now. 'Who's making the tea, boss?' I have no idea, man. Maybe they all drink coffee. It's not important.

Uh ... / Anyway, apparently ... there's a high turnover of staff at Bridgewater. 'Most don't make it through basic training. That's what I've heard. It's like the SAS or Navy Seals or something.' Ha! I'm sure it's not that bad, Voice. / However, Mr Dalio is a strange guy. And it's his way or the highway.

We all have our ways though. Look at the Voice. No body. He just floats around all the time, mainly on the astral plane. What kind of fucking life is that?! 'Er, I enjoy it, Mikey. Live and let live, yeah? Kooks in glass houses and all that.' All right.

...

Anything else, dear reader(s)? Music? I wrote a new tune last night, which should lead to something. Early days yet. It probably won't make the new demo in time. (Unless I add it later on, as a fifth song.) But it could be my best melody. (The jury of my mind is still out on that one, you dig? 'Eh?!' Exactly!) My melodies are getting better all the time, man. 'Great!' Yeah.

What am I listening to? The Masterplan by Oasis. An album of very good B-sides. Only a couple of weak songs on it. I really like Rockin' Chair. 'What?! You've got a rocking chair now?!' It's a song, you cretin! 'Oh.' Ha!

Well ... laters, yeah?

[No. 494] Some cats ...

Fun, fun, fun!

And here ... we are, again![1], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[1], and here ... we are, again![2], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[1], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[2], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![1], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[1], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![2], and ... Christ![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[2], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[1], and ... Christ![2], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[1], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[2], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[1], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[2], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[1], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[2], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[1], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[2], and wave it goodbye now, sad[1], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[2], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[1], and wave it goodbye now, sad[2], and experts at spinning ...[1], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[2], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[1], and experts at spinning ...[2], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![1], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[2], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[1], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![2], and I get so angry[1], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[2], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[1], and I get so angry[2], and, ha![1], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[2], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[1], and, ha![2], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[1], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[2], and here ... we are, again![3], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[2], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[3], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[3], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[3], and ... Christ![3], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[3], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[3], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[3], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[3], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[3], and wave it goodbye now, sad[3], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[3], and experts at spinning ...[3], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[3], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![3], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[3], and I get so angry[3], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[3], and, ha![3], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[3], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[3], and

And here ... we are, again![1], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[1], and here ... we are, again![2], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[1], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[2], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![1], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[1], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![2], and ... Christ![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[2], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[1], and ... Christ![2], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[1], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[2], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[1], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[2], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[1], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[2], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[1], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[2], and wave it goodbye now, sad[1], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[2], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[1], and wave it goodbye now, sad[2], and experts at spinning ...[1], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[2], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[1], and experts at spinning ...[2], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![1], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[2], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[1], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![2], and I get so angry[1], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[2], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[1], and I get so angry[2], and, ha![1], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[2], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[1], and, ha![2], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[1], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[2], and here ... we are, again![3], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[2], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[3], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[3], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[3], and ... Christ![3], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[3], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[3], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[3], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[3], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[3], and wave it goodbye now, sad[3], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[3], and experts at spinning ...[3], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[3], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![3], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[3], and I get so angry[3], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[3], and, ha![3], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[3], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[3], and

And here ... we are, again![1], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[1], and here ... we are, again![2], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[1], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[2], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![1], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[1], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![2], and ... Christ![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[2], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[1], and ... Christ![2], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[1], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[2], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[1], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[2], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[1], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[2], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[1], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[2], and wave it goodbye now, sad[1], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[2], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[1], and wave it goodbye now, sad[2], and experts at spinning ...[1], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[2], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[1], and experts at spinning ...[2], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![1], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[2], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[1], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![2], and I get so angry[1], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[2], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[1], and I get so angry[2], and, ha![1], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[2], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[1], and, ha![2], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[1], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[2], and here ... we are, again![3], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[2], and I'm Conceptual Cat / Who are YOU(!) - ?[3], and maybe you're Finance Cat, or maybe ... Golf Cat / Man, I ain't judging you[3], and we've all got to survive, Jesus H. - ![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... well, well, well, are you?[3], and ... Christ![3], and heading beyond the THREE? / Hey, a few of us are hoping to thrive, you dig?[3], and we can repeat, yes, we can repeat, yes, we can repeat / I never want to stop[3], and some cats ... are so hot they're cool[3], and you can live in the past, or in the future / your choice ... but the present sucks BIG TIME[3], and this moment ... take it, it, it's yours, son, uh, daughter, too / try and make it special[3], and wave it goodbye now, sad[3], and some cats really get a-ROUND - oh, they live it large / and some cats are bad in the evil world - yes, they live it small[3], and experts at spinning ...[3], and masters of consciousness ness conscious nesses ness consciousness nesses ness ...[3], and DIZZY(!) yet? / oh ... COME ON!!![3], and I hope you're not a phoney one, pretending to be my only, uh, only, lonely one[3], and I get so angry[3], and that other great soul has gone, shaman, born only forty minutes before, London, too[3], and, ha![3], and laughter is, laughter is, laughter is ... the best medicine, or so they say[3], and I get DIZZY(!) / It's my thing[3], and

The risk of investing in listed private equity is lower than perceived by investors ...

Well, that's what Edison reckons, anyway ... in Monday morning's PR email, though I received it last week. 'Ha!' It's not investment advice, of course. They're just saying, that's all.

Edison, founded in 2003, is a strategic advisory and investment research company. We service nearly 500 corporate clients with Investor Relations, Investment Research and Strategic Consulting from our offices in North America, Europe and Asia. Edison's renowned international investment research platform enables us to provide a highly differentiated approach to strategic advisory work based on deep multi-sector knowledge and extensive networks of investors, advisors and companies.

You see, dear reader(s)? Edison. They do research. A bit like my intern, the Voice. Only he's fucking useless. 'That's a bit harsh, boss. I try my best.' Sure you do.

Edison, the investment research and advisory company, issues its latest report on Listed Private Equity (LPE) which finds that the sector displays a similar risk-reward profile to major equity indices, US real estate investment trusts (REITS) as well as other equity classes over the longer term. LPE also continues to trade at a 14% discount to NAV despite achieving double-digit annual returns over the last five years. Despite these findings, public market investors still tend to treat LPE with caution, citing leverage and investment commitments, lack of disclosure, high valuations and discount volatility as issues.

Ah, this report. It's probably really interesting, dear reader(s), but I haven't actually read it. 'You don't need to read it, boss. You've read the PR email.' Yeah, that's the way I look at it, man.

The view that LPE is considered more risky than other equity-like comparables, Edison believes, stems largely from the sector's performance during the financial crisis which is still prominent in investors' memories. The perception appears at odds with the strong recent performance of the LPE sector which has generated strong average annual total share prices returns over the past five years of close to 19% while NAV returns have been close to 10% with very low volatility. In addition, the long term risk-reward profile which notably includes the financial crisis years and does not differ significantly from that for the major equity indices.

Yes, investors' memories. They're probably like elephants or something. 'Big.' What?! 'Are the investors really big, boss? And grey?' Shut up, you idiot!

Right, there's a lot more about this report. (Some of these emails really go on, you, know?) I'm just going to finish with Rob Murphy. 'Who?!' Rob Murphy. 'Who the hell is Rob Murphy when he's at home?!' Christ! Not that it's any of your business, Voice, but Rob Murphy just happens to be an analyst at Edison. He has ideas about things. He likes to give his opinion. And, personally, I think we should give him a chance to talk. 'Oh, okay.' Take it away, Rob, mate -

Rob Murphy, analyst at Edison Investment Research says: "We have seen that LPE has delivered competitive returns compared to equity indices and closed-end structures like US REITs both recently as well as over very long time periods and there is good reason for optimism regarding the perception of LPE moving forward. The fact that the sector is trading at a meaningful discount reduces valuation risk compared to equity markets in general. The less flattering risk-return profile of the last 10 years will arithmetically fall out of the comparisons over the next couple of years or so, which should improve the sector's relative attractiveness from an investment consultant's point of view. We believe that the PE model mitigates risk and the resilience of the sector has been demonstrated during difficult times, as evidenced by the low incidence of failed investments during the financial crisis. The PE ownership model itself is relatively unchanged and has proved to be a highly effective and successful vehicle to create value in unlisted companies with tight control over risk and lessons have been learned from past mistakes at the LPE company level. The relatively aggressive leverage and commitment strategies at a few LPE companies are no longer a feature for the sector. This augurs well for the relative performance of LPE in future down cycles, which will inevitably occur, and suggests potential to further improve the average risk: reward profile."

Nice one, son! ‘Well, this Rob goes on a bit, don't he?' Leave him alone, Voice. He's just doing his job. If he only said a few words, Edison might think his heart wasn't in it. 'Maybe he's passionate about his work, boss.' Ha! Let's not get carried away, man.

...

Anything else? Music? I'm listening to The Bends by Radiohead. I really think they should have stuck to recording albums like this, and OK Computer. 'It's amazing how weak their first album is, compared to the two masterpieces that followed, Mikey.' Of course it is! But they got their shit together. That's willpower and commitment for you. Greatness is quite often a choice, you dig?