Monday, 19 January 2009

Matrix Money Management: new funds!

Matrix Money Management is offering two new funds of hedge funds. One is called the Matrix Strategic Opportunities fund, and the other is called the Matrix New Horizon fund. Now, before you all start jumping up and down in excitement and breaking out the champagne, just consider this: my old firm Shaman Money Management offered all kinds of funds to anyone who was interested, but it still went out of business.

I was the senior shaman at SMM, and I tried my best, but the company was run by a bunch of buffoons. I remember writing in this blog (not sure which post) that the bosses wouldn't have known an Ouija board if it had smacked them in the face. And that happens, you know. It has happened to me. I've been smacked in the face by an out-of-control Ouija board on a number of occasions, and it is not a pleasant experience. But I'm hard enough to handle situations like that. There are far too many limp-wristed mystics going around these days, looking for the easy money, and it makes me sick. This is a man's game. If an evil spirit comes after you, what are you going to do? Run crying to your mummy? No, you're going to stand and fight! And what will your mummy do, anyway? All wrapped in bandages like that. That's no way to carry on. You can't trust such a person. No, you have to rely on yourself.

And that's why I'm worried about Matrix Money Management. What kind of people are working at this firm? And do they have the right equipment? I'm talking tarot cards, crystal balls, and the like. I don't even know who MMM's shaman is. He can't be a big name, otherwise I would have heard of him. How do we know the firm even has a shaman? These guys at MMM could be cold earth wanderers for all we know.

So, dear reader, if you are planning to do business with Matrix Money Management in the near future, think about what I've written today. It could make all the difference. Will you lose money? Will you gain money? Will you lose your soul in the pursuit of something that hovers on the horizon like a ghostly figure but then disappears like a frightened deer in the forest? You've got to think about this shit, man.