Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Sir Philip Hampton: share options galore!

All right, everyone, calm down. Yes, the markets are being smashed all over the shop, but there is some good news. Sir Philip Hampton, chairman of Royal Bank of Scotland, has been given £1.5 million of share options on top of his £750,000 salary.

O Phil, congratulations! Well done! Share options galore! Mystic blood of angels! Snakes in your eyes! Ha! Take those share options into your astral heart, and burn with them! Let your heart grow in the desert, expanding with mystic love! There is a place for you in the desert, Phil. Big Herb is waiting for you in the desert. His eyes will burn you, but you already know that, don't you? Do you dream at night? O Phil, do you leave your body at night? Where do you go to, my lovely, when you're alone in your bed? Tell me the thoughts that surround you. I want to look inside your head. I bet you love the desert, don't you? Tell me all about it, Phil. Send me a message. Use your mind. I'm waiting for you. So is Ganesh.

Where are all the mystical children?

O Master, we are here!


All around you, invisible, burning with the mystic blood of angels!


O Master, we are waiting for Sir Philip. Waiting for his message.

Come on, Phil! Lay it on us, baby. We want your message.


HE SPEAKS: "Michael, mystical children, Big Herb, Ganesh, my mind is on fire! It stretches out everywhere, reaching everything, touching everyone, loving the cosmos, and burning in the dreams of desert angels. Mystic blood, snakes in my eyes, dancing on a dead moon, share options, share options, share options, bleeding share options from the mouth of heaven, the hole in the highest level, born again with money beyond the imagination of … of …"

O Master, he has gone! Sir Philip has gone away! Swirling in space!

Yes! Yes! Yes! O my children, my brothers, my sisters, but it was fun while it lasted.