Well, she was just seventeen, and you know what I mean. I've got The Beatles on. I'll be writing some songs soon. When I can be arsed. But let's get down to business. What's in a name? If you were an investor, dear reader, who would you rather do business with, Och-Ziff Capital Management, one of the biggest hedge funds in the world, or OCH Capital, a bunch of shitehawks operating out of a flat on the South Acton Estate?
Oh, I'm being unfair. OCH Capital is actually a very respectable firm. It was founded in 2009 by Thomas Ochocki, and it is based in lovely Mayfair, in a lovely office, no doubt. OCH Capital's primary objective is to provide a superior investment service encompassing the professional guidance of global securities and assets. Well, that's what we want, ain't it? Who could argue with that? I'll tell you who: Och-Ziff Capital Management. Och-Ziff is suing Thomas Ochocki because it hates his name, especially the 'Och' bit. There's a fair chance Mr Ochocki will have to sue his parents for dropping him in the shit like this. A bloody nightmare, eh?!
Well, I have been speaking to Mr Ochocki. This is what was said: 'Mikey, I'm glad you're on my side. You are on my side, aren't you? (Tommy, mate, I'll be with you until the very end. You've got a friend for life in me. I always support the underdog. Except when I'm supporting the top dog. Did you read my post on Warren Buffett yesterday?) No. (Never mind. Unless you're into dogs and scarecrows, it's not really ... well, you know what I mean.) Yeah. (So what are you going to do about these Och-Ziff muthas?) Och-Ziff? Er, I was hoping you could do something, Mike. A little curse maybe. You know, lay your shamanic nuttiness on them. Put the fear of Big Herb into them. Something along those lines. (Yeah, that can be expensive, what you're asking. I normally only work for Goldman, and BarCap - lately - because they are the only ones who can afford my services.) Can't we work something out, Mikey? I'll be eternally grateful. (Hold me tight. Tell me I'm the only one.) Pardon? (Sorry, Tommy, I'm listening to The Beatles. Been listening to them all day.) Oh, right. (The best thing I can think of is that I phone Daniel Och, and see if I can get him to change his mind. I'll do that for free. Although I may ask you for a favour one day.) Anything, Mike. What will you say to him? (I'll just explain to him that you're a young lad, trying to make your way in the world, and that you want your firm to be named after yourself. That's not unreasonable. I believe Mr Och is a reasonable man. And he doesn't want an enemy like me.) Thanks for this, Mike. (That's all right, Tommy.) You know the funny thing though, don't you? (What?) My middle name is Ziff!'
His middle name is Ziff. What a character!
Oh, I'm being unfair. OCH Capital is actually a very respectable firm. It was founded in 2009 by Thomas Ochocki, and it is based in lovely Mayfair, in a lovely office, no doubt. OCH Capital's primary objective is to provide a superior investment service encompassing the professional guidance of global securities and assets. Well, that's what we want, ain't it? Who could argue with that? I'll tell you who: Och-Ziff Capital Management. Och-Ziff is suing Thomas Ochocki because it hates his name, especially the 'Och' bit. There's a fair chance Mr Ochocki will have to sue his parents for dropping him in the shit like this. A bloody nightmare, eh?!
Well, I have been speaking to Mr Ochocki. This is what was said: 'Mikey, I'm glad you're on my side. You are on my side, aren't you? (Tommy, mate, I'll be with you until the very end. You've got a friend for life in me. I always support the underdog. Except when I'm supporting the top dog. Did you read my post on Warren Buffett yesterday?) No. (Never mind. Unless you're into dogs and scarecrows, it's not really ... well, you know what I mean.) Yeah. (So what are you going to do about these Och-Ziff muthas?) Och-Ziff? Er, I was hoping you could do something, Mike. A little curse maybe. You know, lay your shamanic nuttiness on them. Put the fear of Big Herb into them. Something along those lines. (Yeah, that can be expensive, what you're asking. I normally only work for Goldman, and BarCap - lately - because they are the only ones who can afford my services.) Can't we work something out, Mikey? I'll be eternally grateful. (Hold me tight. Tell me I'm the only one.) Pardon? (Sorry, Tommy, I'm listening to The Beatles. Been listening to them all day.) Oh, right. (The best thing I can think of is that I phone Daniel Och, and see if I can get him to change his mind. I'll do that for free. Although I may ask you for a favour one day.) Anything, Mike. What will you say to him? (I'll just explain to him that you're a young lad, trying to make your way in the world, and that you want your firm to be named after yourself. That's not unreasonable. I believe Mr Och is a reasonable man. And he doesn't want an enemy like me.) Thanks for this, Mike. (That's all right, Tommy.) You know the funny thing though, don't you? (What?) My middle name is Ziff!'
His middle name is Ziff. What a character!
