Thursday, 2 February 2017

China's banks are more valuable than America's

Or the bank "brands" are, anyway. Whatever that means. 'What's this, boss?' Oh, just some PR email, Voice, about bank brands. 'Another PR email?!' Yeah, uh, uh ... I'm too confused and lazy this morning to go looking for news. It's just my brain. Besides, I like this. It will upset Donald Trump.

Total value of Chinese bank brands surpasses that of US, brand study reveals. Wells Fargo loses its status as the world's most valuable banking brand. ICBC is now the world's most valuable, worth US$47.8bn after 32% growth.

For the very first time, the combined brand value of China's lenders has surpassed that of the United States. China's bank brands account for 24% (US$258 billion) of the total brand value of the Brand Finance Banking 500, while the US accounts for 23%. Every year, leading valuation and strategy consultancy Brand Finance values the brands of thousands of the world’s biggest companies. The results of this analysis are then ranked, with the world's 500 most valuable banking brands featured in the Brand Finance Banking 500.

Okay, okay. I wonder what the value of my "brand" is ... 'Eh?' My blog, and my image as the world's foremost financial shaman. 'I'm sure you could get a couple of quid.' Don't take the piss, man. It's taken me years to get where I am. 'And where's that?' Uh, well ... nowhere in particular. 'Ha!' But you just wait until I become the world's foremost rock and roll shaman! 'Okay.' Then we'll have some fun. 'Will I be involved?' Probably. I mean, I've tried a thousand times to get rid of you, Voice. It's no ... uh. 'The email.' All right. Yes, the email.

Brand Finance's CEO David Haigh states, "Chinese banks are being carried along in the slipstream of its industrial giants as they grow and expand into international markets. Facilitating international deals boosts revenues, but more importantly, enables the banks to build their reputations with potential clients across the world."

Okay, okay. There's a lot of it, this email. I'll just do bits. My head is in bits, you see? My soul. 'Bits of your head, your soul?' No. This. This fucking email! I want it to be over - NOW!

The success of the Chinese banks and ICBC in particular comes at the expense of Wells Fargo, which has lost its position as the world's most valuable banking brand. Wells Fargo has also been the architect of its own misfortune. Its fake accounts scandal has seen its reputation take a hit, with downgraded revenue forecasts contributing to a 6% brand value fall to US$41.6 billion.

I want finance ... to be over. Let it, let it, let it ... be over! Help me! Save us, Jesus H. - !

The situation for Europe's banks is worse still. The most valuable bank brands from the UK, France, Germany and Italy (HSBC, BNP Paribas, Deutsche Bank and Intesa Sanpaolo) have all declined in brand value. Deutsche has recently been hit with a US$7.2 billion bill to settle an investigation into its mortgage backed securities. 2016 also saw a 97% drop in profits and an individual bonus freeze for all VPs and MDs. Deutsche's torrid year was reflected in its brand value, which is down 41% to US$4.9 billion.

Ha! Worse still? They don't know how I'm feeling at this moment in time. They should count themselves lucky that they're not spiritual aristocrats and existentialists.

HSBC has declined by a less severe 5% to US$22.9 billion as it goes through a period of consolidation. At the domestic level, over a quarter of its UK branches have been closed in the last two years while internationally, HSBC's Brazilian business was sold to Bradesco. HSBC's marketing communications have shifted to reflect its more geographically concentrated approach. The 'World's Local Bank' message has been replaced with campaigns that now focus more on HSBC's role in facilitating personal and business ambitions.

And I don't want to hear any more. Voice, make it stop! 'The email?' Yes, the email. 'Well, stop quoting from it!' I can't. Please, take it away from me. Delete it. Do something! 'Christ! Hang on, boss!' ... / ... / ... Voice!!! ... //// ... 'It's gone!'

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you


Anything else? FFS! / ... / I don't know about you, reader(s), but I need some music. 'Yes!' / The demos of Live Forever and Smells Like Teen Spirit. / ... / Nirvana sound very rough. You can hardly make the song out. And the lyrics aren't complete. [It doesn't matter, I suppose. It's grunge.] / Now ... I'm listening to one of mine, Lucky You. [There are a few songs with that title. It doesn't matter, I know.] / ... / Well, it's much better than the songs from the old demo, but only the third best song ... on the new demo. There are .. four songs. Uh, soon. 'Yes!' But I'm worried about my teeth, actually. 'Oh.'