Wednesday, 11 September 2019

I don't want photographs!

I've been offered photographs, dear reader(s). But I don't want them! Do you understand? 'What's this, boss?!' Oh, hello, Voice. PR people are saying I can have pictures of the guys who have been promoted, but ... 'You don't put pictures on your blog.' No, I don't. And I don't want them, anyway, man. Even to look at. Let me imagine what these guys are like, you dig? Let my wild, mystical imagination run, er ... wild, you dig? 'Great!' Yeah. Of course it is.

Anyway ...

Liam McGuinness, has been promoted to partner at CIL, the leading management consultancy. CIL has grown rapidly and has built a reputation for private equity due diligence and corporate strategy engagements to support management teams across a range of sectors.

Congratulations, Liam! You deserve it ... I'm sure. 'Are you really sure, boss?' Well, I'm as sure as I can be without seeing a photo of him. 'But what about your wild, mystical imagination?' Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it.

Also announced today was the promotion of James de La Salle, to Director of the Built Environment practice. James joined CIL in 2012 and has focused on construction and building projects. He also has significant experience in business services, particularly legal services.

Oh, okay. Uh. / But let's concentrate on Liam!

Liam, who heads the consumer practice, joined CIL in 2007 and has been instrumental in building the firm's expertise in the sector. He has in-depth knowledge across the sector, with recent clients including UK and European holiday operators, branded and private label food and drink manufacturers, gym chains, fast casual dining chains and D2C subscription businesses. He provides due diligence advice to private equity investors and strategic support to management teams, helping them develop growth plans.

Well, er, okay. Nice one, I suppose. Uh ... 'Are you getting any vibes, boss?' About what, Voice? 'Christ! About our Liam, man. Are you seeing into the depths of his soul or something?' No. 'But your wild, mystical imagination! You used to see all kinds of things in these guys that you write about.' Ha! Listen! Voice, reader(s). I don't have the energy these days. 'Oh.' That's the honest truth. 'Oh.' Deal with it! / Let's hear from Giles Johnson ...

Commenting on Liam's promotion, Giles Johnson, managing partner at CIL, says: "Liam is a great example of CIL's home-grown talent. He joined our graduate scheme and has successfully developed our consumer practice, advising household names and fast-growing businesses. Also, Liam's a rather talented shaman. A great shaman, in fact! He's a veteran of the desert, astral and physical. He's burnt brightly with the best of them. Many years ago -"

Hang on! He hasn't burnt brightly with me, mate! This is the first I've heard of this ... Liam McGuinness. FFS! 'Giles is just trying to wind you up, boss. Ignore him.' Yeah, okay. / Let's hear from the "great" man himself then, Mr Liam McGuinness ...

Liam McGuinness says: "I am delighted to join the senior management team. The business is growing rapidly, and we are seeing increasing demand for advice from investors and corporates. I look forward to further developing our consumer and retail consultancy offer."

Okay. I'm genuinely pleased for you, Liam, but it's pretty obvious that you don't have a mystical bone in your body. I'm just saying, like.



Anything else? Listen, kook(s)! I don't go into the desert these days, astral or physical. I put all my energy into my conceptual posts now. It's a different sort of mysticism, man. You dig? I don't write about these finance and business guys with their chakras, and their auras, and ... whatnot any more. 'Calm down, Mikey!' All right.

All right.

All right.