~ Money is the way

Tuesday, 10 January 2017

Carousel Capital Partners V - $400 million!!!

Yippee! / Oh, what's this?! ... I can imagine you're wondering, dear reader(s). 'They're always wondering something, boss.' I know they are, Voice. They're a pain in the arse.

Well, Carousel Capital Partners V is a new buyout fund from Carousel Capital. They were aiming to raise $300 million, but somehow managed to end up with $400 million. 'Ha! Why didn't they go for the cool half a billion, man?' BECAUSE ... that would have been too ambitious, man. 'Oh.' I think we should cut them some slack. $400 million is very good. I mean, it's $100 million more than they wanted, so ... / Anyway, about the firm -

Carousel Capital is a private equity investment firm that invests in companies headquartered in the Southeastern United States. This region produces the most GDP, has the most net private sector job growth and the largest population of any geographic region in the nation.

'Nice.' And there's more -

Since its founding in 1996, Carousel Capital has earned a reputation with both investors and business owners for successful investing within the Southeast. Carousel's unparalleled CEO investor network, direct deal sourcing capabilities, experienced investment team and successful investment track record uniquely position the firm to be the partner of choice for small buyout opportunities within the Southeast.

'Very nice.' And there's more. However, I'm not putting all of it in this post. It's just stuff about the southeast. They seem to be obsessed with the southeast.

Obviously, I, er ... wish them all the best with their fifth fund, BUT ... we have more important things to talk about, don't we? 'Er, like?' Like, uh ... well, well.

...

Uh, anything else? 'Yes!' BIG TIME! 'Politics?' Politics! YES! Jeremy Corbyn seems to be coming up with policies that will ... alienate every single voter in the land. 'Don't exaggerate, boss.' Oh, okay. Firstly, he now supports Brexit when 68 per cent of Labour voters are supposed to be Remainers. 'Oh.' Yeah. AND ... I've just read on the Guardian website that he wants to bring in a law to limit earnings. 'What?!' Yeah. So, you earn too much, and your money will be confiscated by the state. 'What?! 100 per cent of it?!' Yeah. 'Jesus H. Christ!' It's got to be a mistake. Seriously. 'I mean ...' / Meanwhile, the Tories are getting away with being ... completely incompetent. No one is challenging them! 'Oh, shit! I think the UK is finished, Mikey. Have you booked your ticket for Malibu yet?' Ha! Not yet, Voice. I need to finish my new demo first. 'Jesus H. Christ!' I know, I know ... what a mess!

Note: I'm sick of politics. This is the last time I will write about it. The last time I will even think about it. So there!

Monday, 9 January 2017

[No. 478] Normal people get normal results

I get DIZZY(!).

And, please ... don't be normal, uh, square![1], and I know YOU(!) get so sad in the COLD WORLD, living a life that is controlled by the masters ...[1], and, please ... don't be normal, uh, square![2], and I'm just saying ... there's another way, that's all[1], and I know YOU(!) get so sad in the COLD WORLD, living a life that is controlled by the masters ...[2], and look at me! / Am I normal - ?![1], and I'm just saying ... there's another way, that's all[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... is how I get my kicks / but it's not for everyone[1], and look at me! / Am I normal - ?![2], and if you do what you've always done ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... is how I get my kicks / but it's not for everyone[2], and your results are shit, honestly[1], and if you do what you've always done ...[2], and I get, get, get ... what I always get ... and I'm so happy, ah, heading beyond the THREE[1], and your results are shit, honestly[2], and follow me![1], and I get, get, get ... what I always get ... and I'm so happy, ah, heading beyond the THREE[2], and the kooks were out in the desert, blood and fire in their hair / and now they're a-ROUND here and loving it![1], and follow me![2], and a change is as good as a rest ...[1], and the kooks were out in the desert, blood and fire in their hair / and now they're a-ROUND here and loving it![2], and YOU(!) are here, obviously / But are you with the programme?[1], and a change is as good as a rest ...[2], and your consciousness ness ... well, it needs a lot of work, you dig? / What do you actually think about?[1], and YOU(!) are here, obviously / But are you with the programme?[2], and ... money, money, money![1], and your consciousness ness ... well, it needs a lot of work, you dig? / What do you actually think about?[2], and I try NOT(!!!) ... to think, but the stuff just flows through me ... so, what can I say?[1], and ... money, money, money![2], and they call me Lucky, ha![1], and I try NOT(!!!) ... to think, but the stuff just flows through me ... so, what can I say?[2], and your life is empty, and it will never change - (?) / and I'm trying my best to help you, Christ![1], and they call me Lucky, ha![2], and Rimbaud had it right: you gotta make yourself a visionary![1], and your life is empty, and it will never change - (?) / and I'm trying my best to help you, Christ![2], and anything is better than sticking with the hell that was made for you by DEMONS!!![1], and Rimbaud had it right: you gotta make yourself a visionary![2], and, me, myself ... I'm looking for weird results ...[1], and anything is better than sticking with the hell that was made for you by DEMONS!!![2], and, please ... don't be normal, uh, square![3], and, me, myself ... I'm looking for weird results ...[2], and I know YOU(!) get so sad in the COLD WORLD, living a life that is controlled by the masters ...[3], and I'm just saying ... there's another way, that's all[3], and look at me! / Am I normal - ?![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... is how I get my kicks / but it's not for everyone[3], and if you do what you've always done ...[3], and your results are shit, honestly[3], and I get, get, get ... what I always get ... and I'm so happy, ah, heading beyond the THREE[3], and follow me![3], and the kooks were out in the desert, blood and fire in their hair / and now they're a-ROUND here and loving it![3], and a change is as good as a rest ...[3], and YOU(!) are here, obviously / But are you with the programme?[3], and your consciousness ness ... well, it needs a lot of work, you dig? / What do you actually think about?[3], and ... money, money, money![3], and I try NOT(!!!) ... to think, but the stuff just flows through me ... so, what can I say?[3], and they call me Lucky, ha![3], and your life is empty, and it will never change - (?) / and I'm trying my best to help you, Christ![3], and Rimbaud had it right: you gotta make yourself a visionary![3], and anything is better than sticking with the hell that was made for you by DEMONS!!![3], and, me, myself ... I'm looking for weird results ...[3], and

And, please ... don't be normal, uh, square![1], and I know YOU(!) get so sad in the COLD WORLD, living a life that is controlled by the masters ...[1], and, please ... don't be normal, uh, square![2], and I'm just saying ... there's another way, that's all[1], and I know YOU(!) get so sad in the COLD WORLD, living a life that is controlled by the masters ...[2], and look at me! / Am I normal - ?![1], and I'm just saying ... there's another way, that's all[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... is how I get my kicks / but it's not for everyone[1], and look at me! / Am I normal - ?![2], and if you do what you've always done ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... is how I get my kicks / but it's not for everyone[2], and your results are shit, honestly[1], and if you do what you've always done ...[2], and I get, get, get ... what I always get ... and I'm so happy, ah, heading beyond the THREE[1], and your results are shit, honestly[2], and follow me![1], and I get, get, get ... what I always get ... and I'm so happy, ah, heading beyond the THREE[2], and the kooks were out in the desert, blood and fire in their hair / and now they're a-ROUND here and loving it![1], and follow me![2], and a change is as good as a rest ...[1], and the kooks were out in the desert, blood and fire in their hair / and now they're a-ROUND here and loving it![2], and YOU(!) are here, obviously / But are you with the programme?[1], and a change is as good as a rest ...[2], and your consciousness ness ... well, it needs a lot of work, you dig? / What do you actually think about?[1], and YOU(!) are here, obviously / But are you with the programme?[2], and ... money, money, money![1], and your consciousness ness ... well, it needs a lot of work, you dig? / What do you actually think about?[2], and I try NOT(!!!) ... to think, but the stuff just flows through me ... so, what can I say?[1], and ... money, money, money![2], and they call me Lucky, ha![1], and I try NOT(!!!) ... to think, but the stuff just flows through me ... so, what can I say?[2], and your life is empty, and it will never change - (?) / and I'm trying my best to help you, Christ![1], and they call me Lucky, ha![2], and Rimbaud had it right: you gotta make yourself a visionary![1], and your life is empty, and it will never change - (?) / and I'm trying my best to help you, Christ![2], and anything is better than sticking with the hell that was made for you by DEMONS!!![1], and Rimbaud had it right: you gotta make yourself a visionary![2], and, me, myself ... I'm looking for weird results ...[1], and anything is better than sticking with the hell that was made for you by DEMONS!!![2], and, please ... don't be normal, uh, square![3], and, me, myself ... I'm looking for weird results ...[2], and I know YOU(!) get so sad in the COLD WORLD, living a life that is controlled by the masters ...[3], and I'm just saying ... there's another way, that's all[3], and look at me! / Am I normal - ?![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... is how I get my kicks / but it's not for everyone[3], and if you do what you've always done ...[3], and your results are shit, honestly[3], and I get, get, get ... what I always get ... and I'm so happy, ah, heading beyond the THREE[3], and follow me![3], and the kooks were out in the desert, blood and fire in their hair / and now they're a-ROUND here and loving it![3], and a change is as good as a rest ...[3], and YOU(!) are here, obviously / But are you with the programme?[3], and your consciousness ness ... well, it needs a lot of work, you dig? / What do you actually think about?[3], and ... money, money, money![3], and I try NOT(!!!) ... to think, but the stuff just flows through me ... so, what can I say?[3], and they call me Lucky, ha![3], and your life is empty, and it will never change - (?) / and I'm trying my best to help you, Christ![3], and Rimbaud had it right: you gotta make yourself a visionary![3], and anything is better than sticking with the hell that was made for you by DEMONS!!![3], and, me, myself ... I'm looking for weird results ...[3], and

Edmond de Rothschild Asset Management is leaving the UK

Well, well ... / Oh, I wonder why ... 'It's obvious, boss.' Is it, Voice? I haven't heard anyone say. 'A change is as good as a rest.' What?! 'I don't know. Maybe it's nicer in Paris and Luxembourg.' / Edmond, Edmond, Edmond ...

The Edmond de Rothschild group Asset Management business offers investors the best of both worlds: on the one hand, the diversity and accessibility of a player with international reach [oh, except the UK, which will soon be an isolated country, cut off from the rest of the world, struggling to trade and even survive]; and on the other, the expertise and proximity of an established authority in the industry. The Group is characterized by its strong spirit of independence. Its management choices, being firmly oriented towards active management, are based on strong convictions within concentrated portfolios. These portfolios are not linked to benchmarks and stand out from the traditional asset management offering thanks to their distinctive and innovative management styles.

Very nice. 'Ha!' / Obviously, dear reader(s), I added the small note in the square brackets. We can only imagine what Edmond thinks about Brexit ... 'Oh, he ain't impressed?' We can only imagine, man.

But I know what I think. (Because it's me, you dig? I know what goes on in my own mind. It's only natural.) Mayhem seems to be going for a hard Brexit now. 'Christ!' It's really worrying. I can't believe the whole country is going to be wrecked just to solve some internal problems in the Conservative Party. 'Anyone would think that they weren't patriots and only cared about themselves, boss.' Well ...

Ah, what does it matter? I'm not even going to write about it no more. It's boring me now. Enough! 'Already?' Yes!

...

Hundreds of millions of years ago ... fish came upon the land, our land, looking for a new life - as Stewart Lee will tell you. Times change. / I'm concentrating on music now. That's it!

Anything else? Not really. I'll be working on a conceptual later, No. 478. 'The one after No. 477?' Yes. / Normal people get normal results. However, I'm not normal. I just get DIZZY(!), you understand?

Thursday, 5 January 2017

Pageant Media "acquires" Hedge Fund Intelligence

Well, well ... 'What are the "..." for, boss?' Because I don't know if they've paid for it, Voice. Yet again, there is no mention of money. / Yes, dear reader(s), it's the Thursday night PR email, back by popular demand. 'The first one of the year!' Yeah. / Right. Let's get it done.

Pageant Media, the business information specialist, today announces the acquisition of Hedge Fund Intelligence, a series of business information, data and workflow products - including EuroHedge and AsiaHedge - and global events, which provide a 360-degree view of the hedge fund world.

Fine. How much did it cost?

Pageant Media is one of the financial sector's fastest growing providers of intelligence and insight. The company, founded in 1998, provides membership services offering senior professionals - across a range of industries, including hedge funds, mutual funds and real estate - exposure to market leading news and analysis, data and events. This acquisition provides Pageant Media with a series of synergies and brand extension opportunities for its existing market-leading hedge fund brand, HFM, and will increase the company's scale and reach in the global hedge fund space.

Fine. How much did it cost?

Commenting on today's announcement, Charlie Kerr, Chief Executive of Pageant Media, said: "This latest deal will enable to Pageant Media significantly to enhance its business information offering to the hedge fund industry. As with the recent acquisition of II Searches, we look forward to integrating these brands into our business and evolving their digital offering. These products will also benefit from Pageant's belief in strong content, user engagement and creating a membership model that delivers real value."

Fine. I ain't got a problem with it. But how much did it cost? 'Maybe it was free, boss. You could have "acquired" it.' Ha! I've got enough on my plate with this fucking blog.

...

Okay. Laters!

[No. 477] I'm gonna raise £10 billion for a new fund

One of these days. Just to show them how it's done.

And, ah, yes ... big money, ha![1], and I believe that ANYTHING is possible if you put your mind to it / Kooks Capital, well ...[1], and, ah, yes ... big money, ha![2], and there are NO LIMITS to my ambition![1], and I believe that ANYTHING is possible if you put your mind to it / Kooks Capital, well ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... I suggest you look into my eyes, so deep[1], and there are NO LIMITS to my ambition![2], and hit them while they're DIZZY(!) ... uh, you[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... I suggest you look into my eyes, so deep[2], and YOU(!) can put money into my fund, if you want to ... / and do you want to buy a nice bridge in London, over the Thames?[1], and hit them while they're DIZZY(!) ... uh, you[2], and, Voice?[1], and YOU(!) can put money into my fund, if you want to ... / and do you want to buy a nice bridge in London, over the Thames?[2], and it's every spinner for him/her/it ... self, so ... BELIEVE!!! / 'Oh, I've got a couple of quid I can put in, Mikey'[1], and, Voice?[2], and, Christ! / no chumps, please, no chump change[1], and it's every spinner for him/her/it ... self, so ... BELIEVE!!! / 'Oh, I've got a couple of quid I can put in, Mikey'[2], and a-ROUND ... here you are! / Just transfer the cash to Kooks Capital Management, ha![1], and, Christ! / no chumps, please, no chump change[2], and you've got nice eyes, actually / I trust you ...[1], and a-ROUND ... here you are! / Just transfer the cash to Kooks Capital Management, ha![2], and ... trust me - please![1], and you've got nice eyes, actually / I trust you ...[2], and in these mad Brexit times you don't even need to be an expert, amazingly / oh, it's a beautiful situation![1], and ... trust me - please![2], and I know ... NOTHING!!! / Perfect![1], and in these mad Brexit times you don't even need to be an expert, amazingly / oh, it's a beautiful situation![2], and maybe I should think big(ger) ... £100 billion, £200 billion, £300 billion![1], and I know ... NOTHING!!! / Perfect![2], and you can read it on the side of a bus, ha![1], and maybe I should think big(ger) ... £100 billion, £200 billion, £300 billion![2], and, ah, yes ... big money, ha![3], and you can read it on the side of a bus, ha![2], and I believe that ANYTHING is possible if you put your mind to it / Kooks Capital, well ...[3], and there are NO LIMITS to my ambition![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... I suggest you look into my eyes, so deep[3], and hit them while they're DIZZY(!) ... uh, you[3], and YOU(!) can put money into my fund, if you want to ... / and do you want to buy a nice bridge in London, over the Thames?[3], and, Voice?[3], and it's every spinner for him/her/it ... self, so ... BELIEVE!!! / 'Oh, I've got a couple of quid I can put in, Mikey'[3], and, Christ! / no chumps, please, no chump change[3], and a-ROUND ... here you are! / Just transfer the cash to Kooks Capital Management, ha![3], and you've got nice eyes, actually / I trust you ...[3], and ... trust me - please![3], and in these mad Brexit times you don't even need to be an expert, amazingly / oh, it's a beautiful situation![3], and I know ... NOTHING!!! / Perfect![3], and maybe I should think big(ger) ... £100 billion, £200 billion, £300 billion![3], and you can read it on the side of a bus, ha![3], and

And, ah, yes ... big money, ha![1], and I believe that ANYTHING is possible if you put your mind to it / Kooks Capital, well ...[1], and, ah, yes ... big money, ha![2], and there are NO LIMITS to my ambition![1], and I believe that ANYTHING is possible if you put your mind to it / Kooks Capital, well ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... I suggest you look into my eyes, so deep[1], and there are NO LIMITS to my ambition![2], and hit them while they're DIZZY(!) ... uh, you[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... I suggest you look into my eyes, so deep[2], and YOU(!) can put money into my fund, if you want to ... / and do you want to buy a nice bridge in London, over the Thames?[1], and hit them while they're DIZZY(!) ... uh, you[2], and, Voice?[1], and YOU(!) can put money into my fund, if you want to ... / and do you want to buy a nice bridge in London, over the Thames?[2], and it's every spinner for him/her/it ... self, so ... BELIEVE!!! / 'Oh, I've got a couple of quid I can put in, Mikey'[1], and, Voice?[2], and, Christ! / no chumps, please, no chump change[1], and it's every spinner for him/her/it ... self, so ... BELIEVE!!! / 'Oh, I've got a couple of quid I can put in, Mikey'[2], and a-ROUND ... here you are! / Just transfer the cash to Kooks Capital Management, ha![1], and, Christ! / no chumps, please, no chump change[2], and you've got nice eyes, actually / I trust you ...[1], and a-ROUND ... here you are! / Just transfer the cash to Kooks Capital Management, ha![2], and ... trust me - please![1], and you've got nice eyes, actually / I trust you ...[2], and in these mad Brexit times you don't even need to be an expert, amazingly / oh, it's a beautiful situation![1], and ... trust me - please![2], and I know ... NOTHING!!! / Perfect![1], and in these mad Brexit times you don't even need to be an expert, amazingly / oh, it's a beautiful situation![2], and maybe I should think big(ger) ... £100 billion, £200 billion, £300 billion![1], and I know ... NOTHING!!! / Perfect![2], and you can read it on the side of a bus, ha![1], and maybe I should think big(ger) ... £100 billion, £200 billion, £300 billion![2], and, ah, yes ... big money, ha![3], and you can read it on the side of a bus, ha![2], and I believe that ANYTHING is possible if you put your mind to it / Kooks Capital, well ...[3], and there are NO LIMITS to my ambition![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... I suggest you look into my eyes, so deep[3], and hit them while they're DIZZY(!) ... uh, you[3], and YOU(!) can put money into my fund, if you want to ... / and do you want to buy a nice bridge in London, over the Thames?[3], and, Voice?[3], and it's every spinner for him/her/it ... self, so ... BELIEVE!!! / 'Oh, I've got a couple of quid I can put in, Mikey'[3], and, Christ! / no chumps, please, no chump change[3], and a-ROUND ... here you are! / Just transfer the cash to Kooks Capital Management, ha![3], and you've got nice eyes, actually / I trust you ...[3], and ... trust me - please![3], and in these mad Brexit times you don't even need to be an expert, amazingly / oh, it's a beautiful situation![3], and I know ... NOTHING!!! / Perfect![3], and maybe I should think big(ger) ... £100 billion, £200 billion, £300 billion![3], and you can read it on the side of a bus, ha![3], and

Gamut Capital Management has raised $1 billion for its first fund!

What a result! $1 billion! / Dear reader(s), Gamut Capital is a private equity firm over in New York, founded by Stan Parker and Jordan Zaken - who are a great couple of lads, by all accounts. 'Uh, you don't know that, boss.' Er ... I'm using my imagination, Voice. Please. I mean, they were only aiming for $750 million, but they got $1 billion, so they must be great guys. 'Well ...' Come on! How many times have I told sad stories about firms trying to raise money for their funds? They aim for maybe $800 million, and they get it, but - 'But they never push themselves to go for the billion.' Exactly! Stan and Jordan are different. They've got ambition, drive, balls. You've got to take your hat off to them. 'I don't have a hat.' You know what I mean, Voice. 'Actually, I don't have a head. You know all this, boss. I'm just a disembodied voice. A lost soul from the astral plane.' Ha! Cut the self-pity, you idiot! You have a better life than I do. You float around in a mystical dream world, a life of fucking Riley! Not even the Aviva Investors mob have it as good as you. 'Ha! How's their party going?' I don't know. They're probably totally done in, wasted. It doesn't matter. Forget about them. Let's concentrate on Gamut Capital -

Gamut Capital Management is a middle market focused private equity firm based in New York City. We have an extremely flexible mandate to ...

You see? 'Nice. Where's the rest of it?' I got bored, man. It's people I'm interested in. / Now, Stan and Jordan -

Our Stan

Mr. Parker, our Stan, is a Founding Partner of Gamut. Mr. Parker is responsible for deal origination, transaction execution, portfolio management and overall management of the firm's operations. Prior to forming Gamut in 2015, Mr. Parker worked with Apollo Global Management for 14 years, most recently as a Senior Partner. During his time with Apollo, Mr. Parker served as a member of the Global Private Equity Investment Committee, Sector Lead of Transportation and Agriculture, Sector Lead of Cable/Telecom/Technology, and as a member of the firm's Global Valuation Committee. Prior to Apollo, Mr. Parker worked with Salomon Smith Barney in its Financial Entrepreneurs Group. Mr. Parker graduated magna cum laude from the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business with a BS in Economics.

You see? 'Yeah. Impressive. What about Jordan?' Christ! Give me a chance! / Jordan -

Our Jordan

Mr. Zaken, our Jordan, is a Founding Partner of Gamut. Mr. Zaken is responsible for deal origination, transaction execution, portfolio management and overall management of the firm's operations. Prior to forming Gamut in 2015, Mr. Zaken worked with Apollo Global Management for 15 years, most recently as a Senior Partner. During his time with Apollo, Mr. Zaken served as a member of the Global Private Equity Investment Committee, Sector Co-Lead of Chemicals, Sector Lead of Power, Coal & Agriculture, and as a member of the firm's Global Valuation Committee. Prior to Apollo, Mr. Zaken worked with Goldman, Sachs & Co. in its Mergers and Acquisitions Department. Mr. Zaken graduated summa cum laude from the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business with a BS in Economics.

You see? 'Yeah. Very nice. All that summa cum laude stuff, too.' Yeah, and a magna one for Stan. It's impressive is what it is, Voice. / Anyway ... obviously, I wish the guys all the best with their first fund, but we must move on to ... 'To what?' Er, nothing in particular. / I'll be writing two more posts later today. 'Including a conceptual?' Yeah. No. 477. 'I thought you were cutting down to one a week.' I am, soon. I'm just addicted, that's all. But I will cut down.

Anyway, laters, yeah?

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

Crux has bought Oriel!

[Or "acquired", I don't know. I haven't heard of any money changing hands ...]

What's this?! ... You're probably wondering. Christ! 'Maybe they know already.' Unless you know already. I mean, maybe you're one of these people who know everything. 'Ah, those bastards!' Or who think they know everything. 'They're even worse. I hate those guys.' Well, well, I doubt it, dear reader(s). So ... let me tell YOU(!). 'Yes!' Crux is Crux Asset Management. 'Oh. Nice. I didn't know that.' Yeah. And Oriel is - 'Ha! I know. Oriel Asset Management.' Uh, Jesus! How did you know that, Voice?! 'Lucky guess.' Well done, son!

CRUX Asset Management Limited, the independent fund management company, announce the transfer of funds and employees of Oriel Asset Management to CRUX. As a result, the investment manager of CFIC Oriel Global Fund, CFIC Oriel European Fund and CFIC Oriel UK Fund will change from Oriel to CRUX, subject to the necessary regulatory approvals, which are anticipated at the end of January 2017. The funds will be rebranded as CFIC CRUX Global Fund, CFIC CRUX European Fund and CFIC CRUX UK Fund.

Well, well ... the transfer of funds and employees ... eh? 'Yeah. Like cattle, boss.' I know! Don't these poor employees have a say in the matter? / Anyway, Crux? [of the matter, ha!]

We are a privately-owned company set up by a group of well qualified and highly-experienced investment professionals dedicated to providing superior investment returns and excellent client service.

Well, well ... it's probably a decent company, then. I'm sure the Oriel lot will be happy there. 'Really? It's just a shame they weren't asked.' We don't know that, man. 'Maybe they were asked: Do you want to be sold? No? Oh, tough. Something like that.' It's the way of the world these days, my little invisible friend. And things will only get worse with Brexit. 'Don't talk about Brexit!' We have to. Important news! The British ambassador to the EU has resigned. 'Quitter!' Listen! He says not only is there no plan for Brexit, but there are no people in place to come up with a plan. 'We're all doomed!' No, you'll be all right on the astral plane, Voice. It's people like me in THE REAL WORLD who will suffer. 'Don't panic, boss. You'll be living in Malibu by the time it all goes pear-shaped.' Oh, I hope so.

...

Anything else? No - is the short answer. 'What's the long answer?' No, no, no. / Laters.

Tuesday, 3 January 2017

Banks in London are getting ready to make Brexit announcements

Well, well ... / Yeah, that's from the Guardian. Go and have a look, reader(s). (I can't be bothered to link.) Sometime in the next couple of months, the banks in London will say what they're going to be doing. They've given May and her government enough time. Apparently, Brexit still means Brexit. 'Ha! What does that mean, boss?' Ha! No one knows, Voice. May herself doesn't know. She's just playing for time, but time is running out.

I think it's going to be grim. I think a lot of banks and other financial businesses will relocate to mainland Europe. Britain will become a waste land without the jobs and tax money. 'Lord have mercy! What's going to happen to us?' Well, I know that the Brexit crowd have a hard-on for the 1950s, but I reckon it will be more like the 1970s. Inflation, power cuts, three day weeks, strikes, flares, T. Rex - the works! 'At least we'll get some decent music for a change.' Yeah. I mean, I might release an album this year. 'Yeah?' You never know, man. Personally, I'm looking on the bright side of Brexit. It's an ill wind ...

...

Anything else? Uh, I'm afraid there's no other news, dear reader(s). I'm the only financial journalist working at the moment, and ... [drum roll] ... I'm not even a financial journalist, you dig? 'Ha! You might as well be, boss. Ten years you've been doing this now, man and boy.' Yes, shaman and boy. What dedication!

Monday, 2 January 2017

[No. 476] Gotta be a rock and roll shaman this year ...

A change is as good as a rest.

And rock![1], and the DIZZY(!) life goes on forever, but I'm looking beyond it / Even the physical desert had its day[1], and rock![2], and roll![1], and the DIZZY(!) life goes on forever, but I'm looking beyond it / Even the physical desert had its day[2], and I can spin a-ROUND here until I'm sick ... / ... and I'm an expert, you dig?[1], and roll![2], and ten years of finance is enough for any poor soul[1], and I can spin a-ROUND here until I'm sick ... / ... and I'm an expert, you dig?[2], and you know I can ROCK / and you know I can ROLL / What else is there?[1], and ten years of finance is enough for any poor soul[2], and give me twenty years, please![1], and you know I can ROCK / and you know I can ROLL / What else is there?[2], and Jimmy's in the astral desert, just waiting for me / Oh, it's too soon for that eternal night![1], and give me twenty years, please![2], and I need new blood, new fire![1], and Jimmy's in the astral desert, just waiting for me / Oh, it's too soon for that eternal night![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Is there a way off, a way out - ?[1], and I need new blood, new fire![2], and maybe gotta dance now ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Is there a way off, a way out - ?[2], and it's cold and senseless sometimes, all this / Ah, I miss the hot and senseless[1], and maybe gotta dance now ...[2], and spin wildly on the floor ...[1], and it's cold and senseless sometimes, all this / Ah, I miss the hot and senseless[2], and what did Jimmy say in Miami? 'He screamed it, Mikey!' Yes, and they still didn't hear ...[1], and spin wildly on the floor ...[2], and, uh, slaves, ha![1], and what did Jimmy say in Miami? 'He screamed it, Mikey!' Yes, and they still didn't hear ...[2], and I need an electric buzz to wake me up, and then I can wake YOU(!) up ...[1], and, uh, slaves, ha![2], and gotta plug my poor soul into the sun ...[1], and I need an electric buzz to wake me up, and then I can wake YOU(!) up ...[2], and the cosmos has the energy / Why can't it give me some? / Evil money has wasted me ...[1], and gotta plug my poor soul into the sun ...[2], and, my slaves ... I can lead them around, I suppose, in a mystic dance, away from all authority[1], and the cosmos has the energy / Why can't it give me some? / Evil money has wasted me ...[2], and let music be superior to words ...[1], and, my slaves ... I can lead them around, I suppose, in a mystic dance, away from all authority[2], and ... FOLLOW ME!!![1], and let music be superior to words ...[2], and rock![3], and ... FOLLOW ME!!![2], and the DIZZY(!) life goes on forever, but I'm looking beyond it / Even the physical desert had its day[3], and roll![3], and I can spin a-ROUND here until I'm sick ... / ... and I'm an expert, you dig?[3], and ten years of finance is enough for any poor soul[3], and you know I can ROCK / and you know I can ROLL / What else is there?[3], and give me twenty years, please![3], and Jimmy's in the astral desert, just waiting for me / Oh, it's too soon for that eternal night![3], and I need new blood, new fire![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Is there a way off, a way out - ?[3], and maybe gotta dance now ...[3], and it's cold and senseless sometimes, all this / Ah, I miss the hot and senseless[3], and spin wildly on the floor ...[3], and what did Jimmy say in Miami? 'He screamed it, Mikey!' Yes, and they still didn't hear ...[3], and, uh, slaves, ha![3], and I need an electric buzz to wake me up, and then I can wake YOU(!) up ...[3], and gotta plug my poor soul into the sun ...[3], and the cosmos has the energy / Why can't it give me some? / Evil money has wasted me ...[3], and, my slaves ... I can lead them around, I suppose, in a mystic dance, away from all authority[3], and let music be superior to words ...[3], and ... FOLLOW ME!!![3], and

And rock![1], and the DIZZY(!) life goes on forever, but I'm looking beyond it / Even the physical desert had its day[1], and rock![2], and roll![1], and the DIZZY(!) life goes on forever, but I'm looking beyond it / Even the physical desert had its day[2], and I can spin a-ROUND here until I'm sick ... / ... and I'm an expert, you dig?[1], and roll![2], and ten years of finance is enough for any poor soul[1], and I can spin a-ROUND here until I'm sick ... / ... and I'm an expert, you dig?[2], and you know I can ROCK / and you know I can ROLL / What else is there?[1], and ten years of finance is enough for any poor soul[2], and give me twenty years, please![1], and you know I can ROCK / and you know I can ROLL / What else is there?[2], and Jimmy's in the astral desert, just waiting for me / Oh, it's too soon for that eternal night![1], and give me twenty years, please![2], and I need new blood, new fire![1], and Jimmy's in the astral desert, just waiting for me / Oh, it's too soon for that eternal night![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Is there a way off, a way out - ?[1], and I need new blood, new fire![2], and maybe gotta dance now ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Is there a way off, a way out - ?[2], and it's cold and senseless sometimes, all this / Ah, I miss the hot and senseless[1], and maybe gotta dance now ...[2], and spin wildly on the floor ...[1], and it's cold and senseless sometimes, all this / Ah, I miss the hot and senseless[2], and what did Jimmy say in Miami? 'He screamed it, Mikey!' Yes, and they still didn't hear ...[1], and spin wildly on the floor ...[2], and, uh, slaves, ha![1], and what did Jimmy say in Miami? 'He screamed it, Mikey!' Yes, and they still didn't hear ...[2], and I need an electric buzz to wake me up, and then I can wake YOU(!) up ...[1], and, uh, slaves, ha![2], and gotta plug my poor soul into the sun ...[1], and I need an electric buzz to wake me up, and then I can wake YOU(!) up ...[2], and the cosmos has the energy / Why can't it give me some? / Evil money has wasted me ...[1], and gotta plug my poor soul into the sun ...[2], and, my slaves ... I can lead them around, I suppose, in a mystic dance, away from all authority[1], and the cosmos has the energy / Why can't it give me some? / Evil money has wasted me ...[2], and let music be superior to words ...[1], and, my slaves ... I can lead them around, I suppose, in a mystic dance, away from all authority[2], and ... FOLLOW ME!!![1], and let music be superior to words ...[2], and rock![3], and ... FOLLOW ME!!![2], and the DIZZY(!) life goes on forever, but I'm looking beyond it / Even the physical desert had its day[3], and roll![3], and I can spin a-ROUND here until I'm sick ... / ... and I'm an expert, you dig?[3], and ten years of finance is enough for any poor soul[3], and you know I can ROCK / and you know I can ROLL / What else is there?[3], and give me twenty years, please![3], and Jimmy's in the astral desert, just waiting for me / Oh, it's too soon for that eternal night![3], and I need new blood, new fire![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Is there a way off, a way out - ?[3], and maybe gotta dance now ...[3], and it's cold and senseless sometimes, all this / Ah, I miss the hot and senseless[3], and spin wildly on the floor ...[3], and what did Jimmy say in Miami? 'He screamed it, Mikey!' Yes, and they still didn't hear ...[3], and, uh, slaves, ha![3], and I need an electric buzz to wake me up, and then I can wake YOU(!) up ...[3], and gotta plug my poor soul into the sun ...[3], and the cosmos has the energy / Why can't it give me some? / Evil money has wasted me ...[3], and, my slaves ... I can lead them around, I suppose, in a mystic dance, away from all authority[3], and let music be superior to words ...[3], and ... FOLLOW ME!!![3], and

Carl Icahn wants to "reform" environmental and banking regulations

I mean, that's the job he's been given, yeah? 'By who, boss?' By Donald Trump, man. Apparently, there are too many regulations keeping everyone safe. 'Oh.' But the billionaires are going to change everything, Carl and the others.

...

Well, well ... / Well, there's not a lot of news. That's old news from before Christmas, by the way. 'Oh dear. Aren't there any PR emails, boss?' No, Voice. There's just you and me, and our imaginations. 'Christ!' Ha! Don't worry about it. I'll be doing a conceptual later, the first of the year.

New Year's resolutions? Uh, let's wait and see. I did a soft launch of them yesterday. I'm going hard today. 'It's a holiday today, Mikey.' Not for us, it ain't.

I need a rest ... / Just random thoughts, reader(s). I gotta get back in the groove, you dig? Music? My music? I didn't play much guitar over Christmas because I had the flu. I'm better now. Hopefully, I'll record those two songs soon. Resolutions and all that. / I read a book about Oasis. Oasis. What's the Story? by Iain Robertson, an ex-Para - who was their road manager for a while. It's pretty good. Only £3 in HMV! / Music? Their music? Uh, Television's music? I'm listening to Marquee Moon by Television. Just got the album again. I didn't like it years ago, but I do now. 'Maybe because The Strokes have made their sound popular.' Ha! Well, that's the polite way of putting it, man.

I got that new David Brent film on DVD, too. (HMV again. In the sale. £6.99.) It's as bleak as Beckett's Endgame, until the tacked-on happy ending. I suppose Gervais couldn't go "full bleak". No one would watch the film.

Anything else? 'Ha!' I'd be very surprised if there were anything else. Obviously, there's a new conceptual to come, No. 476. I might cut down to one a week this year. 'You gotta pace yourself, boss.' Yes. Yes, I have.

Laters.

Money is the way