Who is this guy, Guy Shahar?

It's very disappointing. Very disappointing. I can't find a website for his hedge fund, DSAM Partners. And I can't find a LinkedIn profile for Guy Shahar neither. 'Christ!' Who does this Mr Shahar think he is, an international man of mystery?! 'It's not good enough, boss. What are you going to do about it?' Well ... not a lot. After lunch, I'll try a conceptual, No. 244. 'Will that help?' No, probably not. 'Oh.' In the meantime though, I can tell my readers that Guy Shahar used to be a trader at Goldman Sachs. 'Great!' A "top" trader, by all accounts. 'It gets better!' He's into European long/short equity shit. 'Oh dear.' What's wrong with that, man? 'Nothing.' He's making a lot of money, Voice. Profit is five times what it used to be. 'What did it used to be, Mikey?' I don't know. But I doubt Guy is walking around with holes in his shoes, you dig?

Anyway, after lunch, I'll be taking a closer look at Mr Shahar. See if I can strip away some of the mystery. Or maybe add to it.

...

Music? Well, I was listening to The Best of Van Morrison. I'm not sure what to put on next. 'How about John Lennon's John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band?' Yeah! I'll put that on. Well done, Voice.

Lennon plays all the guitar on this album. Mainly rhythm. Some finger-picking. A bit of simple lead.

He plays some simple piano as well. Although Phil Spector plays piano on Love, and Billy Preston plays it on God. (I wonder if Phil played on a couple of the other tracks, too ...)

Ringo is on drums!

...

Pub tomorrow. I didn't bump into Oliver Cromwell's ghost last week. Maybe I'll have more luck this week.

Lunch? Oh, cheese sandwich. Yeah. What do you want from me, dear reader(s)? I like cheese, and I like bread. So sue me!

[No. 243] The same old riff gets better all the time

In my head, my soul, groovy all a-ROUND, you dig?

And ... let's rock![1], and I'll never get bored of the sound, my fingers, and the strings, and the hole in the ...[1], and ... let's rock![2], and ... DEAD MILKMEN!!![1], and I'll never get bored of the sound, my fingers, and the strings, and the hole in the ...[2], and what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood? - it's the guitar![1], and ... DEAD MILKMEN!!![2], and ... NOTHING CHANGES FOREVER[1], and what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood? - it's the guitar![2], and if you've got bongos, yes, YOU(!) ... you can bong your bangos along to the tune, man![1], and ... NOTHING CHANGES FOREVER[2], and so MELLOW![1], and if you've got bongos, yes, YOU(!) ... you can bong your bangos along to the tune, man![2], and some might say ... that life is shit, the world is shit ... / I'm in two minds, both confused ...[1], and so MELLOW![2], and I see my light come shining ...[1], and some might say ... that life is shit, the world is shit ... / I'm in two minds, both confused ...[2], and while YOU(!) ... were out of your mind(s), both of them confused ...[1], and I see my light come shining ...[2], and / I was in there, both ... breaking glass again[1], and while YOU(!) ... were out of your mind(s), both of them confused ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, just like, er ... DIZZY MISS LIZZY, yes!!![1], and / I was in there, both ... breaking glass again[2], and one day I'll fall through the roof and meet myself ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, just like, er ... DIZZY MISS LIZZY, yes!!![2], and I'm always spinning in the same old conceptual shit ... hoping for a happy ending[1], and one day I'll fall through the roof and meet myself ...[2], and / 'Sing another song, boys!' / No, no, no ...[1], and I'm always spinning in the same old conceptual shit ... hoping for a happy ending[2], and / do you know this one?[1], and / 'Sing another song, boys!' / No, no, no ...[2], and I'd be so lonely if you weren't here sharing all the pain - and the good times, of course![1], and / do you know this one?[2], and a-ROUND here the riff remains the same[1], and I'd be so lonely if you weren't here sharing all the pain - and the good times, of course![2], and ... let's rock![3], and a-ROUND here the riff remains the same[2], and I'll never get bored of the sound, my fingers, and the strings, and the hole in the ...[3], and ... DEAD MILKMEN!!![3], and what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood? - it's the guitar![3], and ... NOTHING CHANGES FOREVER[3], and if you've got bongos, yes, YOU(!) ... you can bong your bangos along to the tune, man![3], and so MELLOW![3], and some might say ... that life is shit, the world is shit ... / I'm in two minds, both confused ...[3], and I see my light come shining ...[3], and while YOU(!) ... were out of your mind(s), both of them confused ...[3], and / I was in there, both ... breaking glass again[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, just like, er ... DIZZY MISS LIZZY, yes!!![3], and one day I'll fall through the roof and meet myself ...[3], and I'm always spinning in the same old conceptual shit ... hoping for a happy ending[3], and / 'Sing another song, boys!' / No, no, no ...[3], and / do you know this one?[3], and I'd be so lonely if you weren't here sharing all the pain - and the good times, of course![3], and a-ROUND here the riff remains the same[3], and

And ... let's rock![1], and I'll never get bored of the sound, my fingers, and the strings, and the hole in the ...[1], and ... let's rock![2], and ... DEAD MILKMEN!!![1], and I'll never get bored of the sound, my fingers, and the strings, and the hole in the ...[2], and what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood? - it's the guitar![1], and ... DEAD MILKMEN!!![2], and ... NOTHING CHANGES FOREVER[1], and what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood? - it's the guitar![2], and if you've got bongos, yes, YOU(!) ... you can bong your bangos along to the tune, man![1], and ... NOTHING CHANGES FOREVER[2], and so MELLOW![1], and if you've got bongos, yes, YOU(!) ... you can bong your bangos along to the tune, man![2], and some might say ... that life is shit, the world is shit ... / I'm in two minds, both confused ...[1], and so MELLOW![2], and I see my light come shining ...[1], and some might say ... that life is shit, the world is shit ... / I'm in two minds, both confused ...[2], and while YOU(!) ... were out of your mind(s), both of them confused ...[1], and I see my light come shining ...[2], and / I was in there, both ... breaking glass again[1], and while YOU(!) ... were out of your mind(s), both of them confused ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, just like, er ... DIZZY MISS LIZZY, yes!!![1], and / I was in there, both ... breaking glass again[2], and one day I'll fall through the roof and meet myself ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, just like, er ... DIZZY MISS LIZZY, yes!!![2], and I'm always spinning in the same old conceptual shit ... hoping for a happy ending[1], and one day I'll fall through the roof and meet myself ...[2], and / 'Sing another song, boys!' / No, no, no ...[1], and I'm always spinning in the same old conceptual shit ... hoping for a happy ending[2], and / do you know this one?[1], and / 'Sing another song, boys!' / No, no, no ...[2], and I'd be so lonely if you weren't here sharing all the pain - and the good times, of course![1], and / do you know this one?[2], and a-ROUND here the riff remains the same[1], and I'd be so lonely if you weren't here sharing all the pain - and the good times, of course![2], and ... let's rock![3], and a-ROUND here the riff remains the same[2], and I'll never get bored of the sound, my fingers, and the strings, and the hole in the ...[3], and ... DEAD MILKMEN!!![3], and what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood? - it's the guitar![3], and ... NOTHING CHANGES FOREVER[3], and if you've got bongos, yes, YOU(!) ... you can bong your bangos along to the tune, man![3], and so MELLOW![3], and some might say ... that life is shit, the world is shit ... / I'm in two minds, both confused ...[3], and I see my light come shining ...[3], and while YOU(!) ... were out of your mind(s), both of them confused ...[3], and / I was in there, both ... breaking glass again[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, just like, er ... DIZZY MISS LIZZY, yes!!![3], and one day I'll fall through the roof and meet myself ...[3], and I'm always spinning in the same old conceptual shit ... hoping for a happy ending[3], and / 'Sing another song, boys!' / No, no, no ...[3], and / do you know this one?[3], and I'd be so lonely if you weren't here sharing all the pain - and the good times, of course![3], and a-ROUND here the riff remains the same[3], and

And ... let's rock![1], and I'll never get bored of the sound, my fingers, and the strings, and the hole in the ...[1], and ... let's rock![2], and ... DEAD MILKMEN!!![1], and I'll never get bored of the sound, my fingers, and the strings, and the hole in the ...[2], and what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood? - it's the guitar![1], and ... DEAD MILKMEN!!![2], and ... NOTHING CHANGES FOREVER[1], and what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood? - it's the guitar![2], and if you've got bongos, yes, YOU(!) ... you can bong your bangos along to the tune, man![1], and ... NOTHING CHANGES FOREVER[2], and so MELLOW![1], and if you've got bongos, yes, YOU(!) ... you can bong your bangos along to the tune, man![2], and some might say ... that life is shit, the world is shit ... / I'm in two minds, both confused ...[1], and so MELLOW![2], and I see my light come shining ...[1], and some might say ... that life is shit, the world is shit ... / I'm in two minds, both confused ...[2], and while YOU(!) ... were out of your mind(s), both of them confused ...[1], and I see my light come shining ...[2], and / I was in there, both ... breaking glass again[1], and while YOU(!) ... were out of your mind(s), both of them confused ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, just like, er ... DIZZY MISS LIZZY, yes!!![1], and / I was in there, both ... breaking glass again[2], and one day I'll fall through the roof and meet myself ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, just like, er ... DIZZY MISS LIZZY, yes!!![2], and I'm always spinning in the same old conceptual shit ... hoping for a happy ending[1], and one day I'll fall through the roof and meet myself ...[2], and / 'Sing another song, boys!' / No, no, no ...[1], and I'm always spinning in the same old conceptual shit ... hoping for a happy ending[2], and / do you know this one?[1], and / 'Sing another song, boys!' / No, no, no ...[2], and I'd be so lonely if you weren't here sharing all the pain - and the good times, of course![1], and / do you know this one?[2], and a-ROUND here the riff remains the same[1], and I'd be so lonely if you weren't here sharing all the pain - and the good times, of course![2], and ... let's rock![3], and a-ROUND here the riff remains the same[2], and I'll never get bored of the sound, my fingers, and the strings, and the hole in the ...[3], and ... DEAD MILKMEN!!![3], and what's that sound, coming out of the hole in the wood? - it's the guitar![3], and ... NOTHING CHANGES FOREVER[3], and if you've got bongos, yes, YOU(!) ... you can bong your bangos along to the tune, man![3], and so MELLOW![3], and some might say ... that life is shit, the world is shit ... / I'm in two minds, both confused ...[3], and I see my light come shining ...[3], and while YOU(!) ... were out of your mind(s), both of them confused ...[3], and / I was in there, both ... breaking glass again[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... oh, just like, er ... DIZZY MISS LIZZY, yes!!![3], and one day I'll fall through the roof and meet myself ...[3], and I'm always spinning in the same old conceptual shit ... hoping for a happy ending[3], and / 'Sing another song, boys!' / No, no, no ...[3], and / do you know this one?[3], and I'd be so lonely if you weren't here sharing all the pain - and the good times, of course![3], and a-ROUND here the riff remains the same[3], and

Derek Pound is leaving Jupiter!

Surprise, surprise, eh?! Oh yes. Another Jupiter fund manager I've never even heard of, man, is leaving the firm. 'His real name is Billy Pound, boss.' Don't be ridiculous, Voice! / Dear reader(s), his name is Derek Pound and he's been at Jupiter since 1995, and I've never even heard of him. Yes, another non-shaman! How many non-shamans do they have at Jupiter? What the fuck is going on?! 'Have you heard of Bill Pound, boss?' No, I haven't, Voice. Please be quiet. / Derek Pound is/was managing the Jupiter Global Energy fund. They're going to shut it down when he leaves next month for a new challenge. 'I'll give him a new challenge, boss. Why doesn't he tell the truth about his name?' For Christ's sake! Why do you think his name is Billy, or Bill? 'LinkedIn.' Oh, I see. Has he been hiding something from us? 'Yeah. He's been telling everyone at Jupiter that his name is Derek Pound - for years! But on LinkedIn his name is Billy Bob Pound or something.' William Derek Pound, Voice? 'Yeah, that's it.' Right. Oh, very dodgy. I don't like this. I don't like it at all!

Why would a fund manager have two names? 'One for business, and one for private ... shenanigans.' Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. Great minds think alike, man. / This is just a theory, but I reckon our Billy (or Del or whatever the hell his name is) has been going on to the astral plane under another name to avoid detection. 'But you've banned all finance characters from the plane, Mikey!' Yes, I have. And we're not taking on any more financial shamans, are we? (The game is almost over, reader(s). Finance sickens me these days, as you know. Rock and roll shamanism is the future!) It all makes sense now. 'Really?' Del (or Billy) wants to become a financial shaman, but he wants to do it on the quiet. 'Ah.' I can't imagine he's shaman material though. Too much of a prima donna, from what I can gather. 'Yeah.' And no doubt he thinks I was born yesterday. 'Ha! You were born a million years ago, boss.' Fuckin' A(!) I was, son. At least a million years ago. A billion! / It's obvious that Jupiter found out and warned Billy of what I would do to him. 'They're scared of you, man. / So, Del's leaving, then. Maybe for the astral plane, maybe permanently.' Well, I'll be able to stop him now, won't I?

...

Another mystery solved, eh, dear reader(s)? I'm just like Columbo! (Well, sort of. There hasn't been a murder. Bergerac might be a better comparison.) / Lunch!

Melvin Capital and Folger Hill Asset Management!

Congratulations to Gabriel Plotkin and Solomon Kumin! These ex-SAC (SAC or whatever it's called this week) characters have finally got their shit together and found names for their new firms. Gabriel has named his firm Melvin Capital after his late grandfather, Capital Plotkin. No, that's not right. Er ... Melvin Plotkin. Yeah. What a lovely guy! And Solomon has named his firm Folger Hill Asset Management after ... some hill, I suppose. Ha! Obviously not a sentimental man, after all, this Solomon. I had him wrong.

Of course, neither of these firms will open until next year. Christ. Why the delay?! Well, I guess Gabriel and Solomon are pretty lazy, yeah? I mean, they don't have Stevie shouting at them no more. (Or staring at them coldly from his office.) They're the bosses now, the big men. So they can do what they want, which isn't very much. / But I can talk! I still haven't finished recording the demo of my songs.

It's like wading through treacle, when you have a dream. The treacle in your mind, you dig? There aren't many people who can go after what they want with a clear head. I don't know how Aristotle Onassis did it. Or Julius Caesar. Or Noel Edmonds. / Focus! It's all about focus, surely. You've got to forget about the muck of life ... the bills, the pub, the phone, the TV, the dirty laundry, the noises in the street. / Shut it all out! Tell the world to do one, soft lad!

Anyway, I wish Gabriel and Solomon all the best. / You'll get there, guys! You've just gotta keep believing.

...

I didn't go out yesterday (probably will today.) However, I played my guitar for three hours, man. / Blues scale in A? Well, starting from the fifth fret I know all the notes over the first twelve frets now. (I can't go any further with my acoustic.) And I've come up with a really cool riff, too. Worthy of Eric Clapton!

I'm listening to Prince at the moment though. He's wittering on about some bloody tambourine on his Around the World in a Day album. As long as he's happy ...

Pop Life - !

Paulson & Co making money from gold

That's all right, ain't it? I thought gold was finished. But apparently not. Paulson & Co has over ten million shares in something called the SPDR Gold Trust. Safe haven and all that. It's because of all the trouble in the world. 'Manchester United losing at home in their first game of the season, boss?' Yeah, shit like that. However, I'm not remotely interested in football, Voice, so don't come on my blog mentioning such vulgar nonsense ever again. Idiot!

...

Christ! I'll be glad when August is over and we can get some proper financial news. August and Christmas are the worst times for news. / I've just finished listening to Rumours. What next? 'Bitches Brew, Mikey?' No. I'm not in the mood for that. It's Monday morning, idiot! The last thing I want on a Monday morning is avant-garde jazz, man. 'ABBA?' Are you serious? 'Saturday Night Fever again?' No. 'Johnny Cash At Folsom Prison? Come on!' No. / Lonely at the Top: The Best of Randy Newman. Yeah! I've hardly listened to it. It'll make a nice change.

...

I might have to switch dongles. 'Christ!' Yeah. Use the T-Mobile one as my regular one. 'Eh?!' My internet provider, idiot! Vodafone won't let me top up now. And last week they were on holiday, so I couldn't get a signal. 'Why don't you call customer service?' Oh yeah. Why don't I eat my own nose? Forget about it!

...

I might go out this afternoon. I don't know where. Anywhere! I want to roam free. 'Just like Ringo!' Yes. Just like Ringo Starr in A Hard Day's Night. That's my favourite part of the film.

...

How did Randy get away with Short People? Short people got no reason to live? They wear platform shoes on their nasty little feet? 'Crazy!' Different times, I suppose.

My favourite bit is 0.56 to 1.10 (roughly) on I Love L.A. It was used in Down and Out in Beverly Hills.

Nice piano melody on Simon Smith and the Amazing Dancing Bear.

Berkshire Hathaway shares above $200,000!

Well, well ... / Amazing, eh? More than $200,000 a share! 'Wow!' I wish I had bought some now when they were only $1 a share. 'When was that, boss?' Oh, a long time ago, Voice, I should think.

...

Well, that's the last financial news of the week. Thank God! I'm knackered, man. Roll on the weekend! Pub tomorrow. I might bump into the ghost of Oliver Cromwell. It's not impossible ...

Random stuff. Yeah. Genuinely knackered. / The news is on. Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads later. / Tea. Chocolate biscuits.

...

You know, dear reader(s), over the last six months I've done an average of two hours guitar practice a day. It might not sound a lot, but in the three years before that I was often doing less than thirty minutes a day.

Just thought I would mention it.

When I get my Telecaster, I might try to get it up to four hours a day. It's finding the time though ...

Positive attitude. Gotta keep going ... / I reckon I can play lead guitar better than John Lennon could. Yeah, I know he was a rhythm guitarist, but that's no excuse, man. I was a mere rhythm guitarist two or three months ago. I'm not having a pop at him. (He's a hero of mine, after all.) However, Lennon was a professional musician for close to twenty years, yeah?

[My piano teacher at school, Mr Brown, once told me that I had made four years progress in six months.]

I'm like Donald Trump. Thinking big, kicking ass, and taking names.

...

The TV news ...

This world? Ha! 'Ha!' One hundred billion stars in the Milky Way. One hundred billion galaxies in the universe. At least. That's why I don’t want to hear any shit from anyone, you dig? If you have any ideas, philosophical, political ...

...

Laters ...

[No. 242] Percy Stanion needs our help

Let's get him DIZZY all a-ROUND for starters!

And Percy is in ... THE DARK PLACE[1], and we know the pain[1], and Percy is in ... THE DARK PLACE[2], and we've all been in that dark place / after our delusions have been stripped away[1], and we know the pain[2], and / Percy, come to us! You are not alone![1], and we've all been in that dark place / after our delusions have been stripped away[2], and a-ROUND? YEAH!!![1], and / Percy, come to us! You are not alone![2], and here you are ... cheer up, son[1], and a-ROUND? YEAH!!![2], and ... a dead bank! / Close to twenty years have passed ...[1], and here you are ... cheer up, son[2], and imagine the scene ... empty building, broken windows, no electric, and Percy sitting alone in his office[1], and ... a dead bank! / Close to twenty years have passed ...[2], and there were a few lost souls there, I know, like Dagmar, but still ... not nice, not nice at all![1], and imagine the scene ... empty building, broken windows, no electric, and Percy sitting alone in his office[2], and / Percy, smile for us, please / Will he smile for us?[1], and there were a few lost souls there, I know, like Dagmar, but still ... not nice, not nice at all![2], and / it's not a crime to believe you have a career[1], and / Percy, smile for us, please / Will he smile for us?[2], and where is Nick Leeson, eh?![1], and / it's not a crime to believe you have a career[2], and / it's not a crime to trust people, you know[1], and where is Nick Leeson, eh?![2], and so let's spin away the pain, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till the end of time![1], and / it's not a crime to trust people, you know[2], and I bet he wishes he had stayed at BNP Paribas / Oh, it's a cruel world, and a mad one[1], and so let's spin away the pain, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till the end of time![2], and at least Percy has that "poloitics" degree, eh?[1], and I bet he wishes he had stayed at BNP Paribas / Oh, it's a cruel world, and a mad one[2], and Percy is in ... THE DARK PLACE[3], and at least Percy has that "poloitics" degree, eh?[2], and we know the pain[3], and we've all been in that dark place / after our delusions have been stripped away[3], and / Percy, come to us! You are not alone![3], and a-ROUND? YEAH!!![3], and here you are ... cheer up, son[3], and ... a dead bank! / Close to twenty years have passed ...[3], and imagine the scene ... empty building, broken windows, no electric, and Percy sitting alone in his office[3], and there were a few lost souls there, I know, like Dagmar, but still ... not nice, not nice at all![3], and / Percy, smile for us, please / Will he smile for us?[3], and / it's not a crime to believe you have a career[3], and where is Nick Leeson, eh?![3], and / it's not a crime to trust people, you know[3], and so let's spin away the pain, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till the end of time![3], and I bet he wishes he had stayed at BNP Paribas / Oh, it's a cruel world, and a mad one[3], and at least Percy has that "poloitics" degree, eh?[3], and

And Percy is in ... THE DARK PLACE[1], and we know the pain[1], and Percy is in ... THE DARK PLACE[2], and we've all been in that dark place / after our delusions have been stripped away[1], and we know the pain[2], and / Percy, come to us! You are not alone![1], and we've all been in that dark place / after our delusions have been stripped away[2], and a-ROUND? YEAH!!![1], and / Percy, come to us! You are not alone![2], and here you are ... cheer up, son[1], and a-ROUND? YEAH!!![2], and ... a dead bank! / Close to twenty years have passed ...[1], and here you are ... cheer up, son[2], and imagine the scene ... empty building, broken windows, no electric, and Percy sitting alone in his office[1], and ... a dead bank! / Close to twenty years have passed ...[2], and there were a few lost souls there, I know, like Dagmar, but still ... not nice, not nice at all![1], and imagine the scene ... empty building, broken windows, no electric, and Percy sitting alone in his office[2], and / Percy, smile for us, please / Will he smile for us?[1], and there were a few lost souls there, I know, like Dagmar, but still ... not nice, not nice at all![2], and / it's not a crime to believe you have a career[1], and / Percy, smile for us, please / Will he smile for us?[2], and where is Nick Leeson, eh?![1], and / it's not a crime to believe you have a career[2], and / it's not a crime to trust people, you know[1], and where is Nick Leeson, eh?![2], and so let's spin away the pain, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till the end of time![1], and / it's not a crime to trust people, you know[2], and I bet he wishes he had stayed at BNP Paribas / Oh, it's a cruel world, and a mad one[1], and so let's spin away the pain, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till the end of time![2], and at least Percy has that "poloitics" degree, eh?[1], and I bet he wishes he had stayed at BNP Paribas / Oh, it's a cruel world, and a mad one[2], and Percy is in ... THE DARK PLACE[3], and at least Percy has that "poloitics" degree, eh?[2], and we know the pain[3], and we've all been in that dark place / after our delusions have been stripped away[3], and / Percy, come to us! You are not alone![3], and a-ROUND? YEAH!!![3], and here you are ... cheer up, son[3], and ... a dead bank! / Close to twenty years have passed ...[3], and imagine the scene ... empty building, broken windows, no electric, and Percy sitting alone in his office[3], and there were a few lost souls there, I know, like Dagmar, but still ... not nice, not nice at all![3], and / Percy, smile for us, please / Will he smile for us?[3], and / it's not a crime to believe you have a career[3], and where is Nick Leeson, eh?![3], and / it's not a crime to trust people, you know[3], and so let's spin away the pain, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till the end of time![3], and I bet he wishes he had stayed at BNP Paribas / Oh, it's a cruel world, and a mad one[3], and at least Percy has that "poloitics" degree, eh?[3], and

And Percy is in ... THE DARK PLACE[1], and we know the pain[1], and Percy is in ... THE DARK PLACE[2], and we've all been in that dark place / after our delusions have been stripped away[1], and we know the pain[2], and / Percy, come to us! You are not alone![1], and we've all been in that dark place / after our delusions have been stripped away[2], and a-ROUND? YEAH!!![1], and / Percy, come to us! You are not alone![2], and here you are ... cheer up, son[1], and a-ROUND? YEAH!!![2], and ... a dead bank! / Close to twenty years have passed ...[1], and here you are ... cheer up, son[2], and imagine the scene ... empty building, broken windows, no electric, and Percy sitting alone in his office[1], and ... a dead bank! / Close to twenty years have passed ...[2], and there were a few lost souls there, I know, like Dagmar, but still ... not nice, not nice at all![1], and imagine the scene ... empty building, broken windows, no electric, and Percy sitting alone in his office[2], and / Percy, smile for us, please / Will he smile for us?[1], and there were a few lost souls there, I know, like Dagmar, but still ... not nice, not nice at all![2], and / it's not a crime to believe you have a career[1], and / Percy, smile for us, please / Will he smile for us?[2], and where is Nick Leeson, eh?![1], and / it's not a crime to believe you have a career[2], and / it's not a crime to trust people, you know[1], and where is Nick Leeson, eh?![2], and so let's spin away the pain, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till the end of time![1], and / it's not a crime to trust people, you know[2], and I bet he wishes he had stayed at BNP Paribas / Oh, it's a cruel world, and a mad one[1], and so let's spin away the pain, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till the end of time![2], and at least Percy has that "poloitics" degree, eh?[1], and I bet he wishes he had stayed at BNP Paribas / Oh, it's a cruel world, and a mad one[2], and Percy is in ... THE DARK PLACE[3], and at least Percy has that "poloitics" degree, eh?[2], and we know the pain[3], and we've all been in that dark place / after our delusions have been stripped away[3], and / Percy, come to us! You are not alone![3], and a-ROUND? YEAH!!![3], and here you are ... cheer up, son[3], and ... a dead bank! / Close to twenty years have passed ...[3], and imagine the scene ... empty building, broken windows, no electric, and Percy sitting alone in his office[3], and there were a few lost souls there, I know, like Dagmar, but still ... not nice, not nice at all![3], and / Percy, smile for us, please / Will he smile for us?[3], and / it's not a crime to believe you have a career[3], and where is Nick Leeson, eh?![3], and / it's not a crime to trust people, you know[3], and so let's spin away the pain, a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... till the end of time![3], and I bet he wishes he had stayed at BNP Paribas / Oh, it's a cruel world, and a mad one[3], and at least Percy has that "poloitics" degree, eh?[3], and

Percival Stanion is leaving Barings Bank!

At last! After all this time, Percival Stanion has finally worked out that Barings Bank doesn't actually exist any more. (This guy was educated at Oxford, by the way, so ...) He thought he was head of the global multi asset group at Barings. 'Nonsense!' Oh, you're back, Voice. 'Yeah.' Can you believe this Percival, man? 'I can't believe you.' How many years has he wasted? 'All right, I'll play along. Was he locked in the stationery cupboard with Dagmar Dvorak?' I have no idea. But he's got to rebuild his life now. Christ knows what his CV looks like. Can you imagine him going for another job? ...

So, Mr Stanion - or can I call you Percy?

You can call me Percy, man.

It says on your CV here that you've spent the last thirteen years working at Barings Bank.

Yes, I can explain -

Are you mental or something?! There ain't no Barings Bank. It went out of business in 1995. How did you even get the job? Who hired you?

Well -

You were working at BNP Paribas in 2001. You were head of asset allocation.

Yeah.

So what made you think a move to a non-existent bank would be a good idea?

Let me explain -

Get out of my office!

...

Jesus, dear reader(s)! It's not going be a lot of fun, is it? If I were Percival I would go self-employed. 'What, boss, selling matches at the end of the street?' I don't know, Voice. But he's going to have a hard time of it, that's for sure.


[Oh, Percy, if you're reading this, mate, how about correcting the spelling mistakes on your LinkedIn profile, yeah? It don't look too good. Know what I mean? What the hell is "poloitics"? Or "philosphy"? Get a grip, son.]

[No. 241] Headbanger

I'm a headbanger, headbanger, yeah, I like to bang my head. And one day when my head falls off I'll bang my neck instead.

And / I'm a headbanger![1], and has anyone heard my Voice? / No / YOU(!) won't have seen it/(him) / Not even with mystic eyes[1], and / I'm a headbanger![2], and I want more DIZZY now?[1], and has anyone heard my Voice? / No / YOU(!) won't have seen it/(him) / Not even with mystic eyes[2], and / Oh, I don't need to get no more DIZZY now - this is the ultimate, man![1], and I want more DIZZY now?[2], and can YOU(!) tell? / My eyes ...[1], and / Oh, I don't need to get no more DIZZY now - this is the ultimate, man![2], and a-ROUND, one bang, and a-ROUND, two bangs, and a-ROUND - and up to the THREE! ... ?[1], and can YOU(!) tell? / My eyes ...[2], and it's only a little mark / no damage done, thank God!!![1], and a-ROUND, one bang, and a-ROUND, two bangs, and a-ROUND - and up to the THREE! ... ?[2], and I'm forgetting about Voice / ah, well, never mind ...[1], and it's only a little mark / no damage done, thank God!!![2], and it's a hard knock life[1], and I'm forgetting about Voice / ah, well, never mind ...[2], and it/(he) will be back, uh, talking its/(his) shit, or some "thing" will replace it/(him) ... there is no escape[1], and it's a hard knock life[2], and I got lost in the dark, you know? / and it's easily done / when the light is off[1], and it/(he) will be back, uh, talking its/(his) shit, or some "thing" will replace it/(him) ... there is no escape[2], and my tummy is all funny / maybe I'm just hungry[1], and I got lost in the dark, you know? / and it's easily done / when the light is off[2], and I can't move too fast / so slow down, slow down, slow down, down, down ...[1], and my tummy is all funny / maybe I'm just hungry[2], and NOISE(!) ... in the street, bastards![1], and I can't move too fast / so slow down, slow down, slow down, down, down ...[2], and I've got a cushion to make me feel better / I've strapped it to my head[1], and NOISE(!) ... in the street, bastards![2], and I'm so clumsy / and lucky![1], and I've got a cushion to make me feel better / I've strapped it to my head[2], and / I'm a headbanger![3], and I'm so clumsy / and lucky![2], and has anyone heard my Voice? / No / YOU(!) won't have seen it/(him) / Not even with mystic eyes[3], and I want more DIZZY now?[3], and / Oh, I don't need to get no more DIZZY now - this is the ultimate, man![3], and can YOU(!) tell? / My eyes ...[3], and a-ROUND, one bang, and a-ROUND, two bangs, and a-ROUND - and up to the THREE! ... ?[3], and it's only a little mark / no damage done, thank God!!![3], and I'm forgetting about Voice / ah, well, never mind ...[3], and it's a hard knock life[3], and it/(he) will be back, uh, talking its/(his) shit, or some "thing" will replace it/(him) ... there is no escape[3], and I got lost in the dark, you know? / and it's easily done / when the light is off[3], and my tummy is all funny / maybe I'm just hungry[3], and I can't move too fast / so slow down, slow down, slow down, down, down ...[3], and NOISE(!) ... in the street, bastards![3], and I've got a cushion to make me feel better / I've strapped it to my head[3], and I'm so clumsy / and lucky![3], and

And / I'm a headbanger![1], and has anyone heard my Voice? / No / YOU(!) won't have seen it/(him) / Not even with mystic eyes[1], and / I'm a headbanger![2], and I want more DIZZY now?[1], and has anyone heard my Voice? / No / YOU(!) won't have seen it/(him) / Not even with mystic eyes[2], and / Oh, I don't need to get no more DIZZY now - this is the ultimate, man![1], and I want more DIZZY now?[2], and can YOU(!) tell? / My eyes ...[1], and / Oh, I don't need to get no more DIZZY now - this is the ultimate, man![2], and a-ROUND, one bang, and a-ROUND, two bangs, and a-ROUND - and up to the THREE! ... ?[1], and can YOU(!) tell? / My eyes ...[2], and it's only a little mark / no damage done, thank God!!![1], and a-ROUND, one bang, and a-ROUND, two bangs, and a-ROUND - and up to the THREE! ... ?[2], and I'm forgetting about Voice / ah, well, never mind ...[1], and it's only a little mark / no damage done, thank God!!![2], and it's a hard knock life[1], and I'm forgetting about Voice / ah, well, never mind ...[2], and it/(he) will be back, uh, talking its/(his) shit, or some "thing" will replace it/(him) ... there is no escape[1], and it's a hard knock life[2], and I got lost in the dark, you know? / and it's easily done / when the light is off[1], and it/(he) will be back, uh, talking its/(his) shit, or some "thing" will replace it/(him) ... there is no escape[2], and my tummy is all funny / maybe I'm just hungry[1], and I got lost in the dark, you know? / and it's easily done / when the light is off[2], and I can't move too fast / so slow down, slow down, slow down, down, down ...[1], and my tummy is all funny / maybe I'm just hungry[2], and NOISE(!) ... in the street, bastards![1], and I can't move too fast / so slow down, slow down, slow down, down, down ...[2], and I've got a cushion to make me feel better / I've strapped it to my head[1], and NOISE(!) ... in the street, bastards![2], and I'm so clumsy / and lucky![1], and I've got a cushion to make me feel better / I've strapped it to my head[2], and / I'm a headbanger![3], and I'm so clumsy / and lucky![2], and has anyone heard my Voice? / No / YOU(!) won't have seen it/(him) / Not even with mystic eyes[3], and I want more DIZZY now?[3], and / Oh, I don't need to get no more DIZZY now - this is the ultimate, man![3], and can YOU(!) tell? / My eyes ...[3], and a-ROUND, one bang, and a-ROUND, two bangs, and a-ROUND - and up to the THREE! ... ?[3], and it's only a little mark / no damage done, thank God!!![3], and I'm forgetting about Voice / ah, well, never mind ...[3], and it's a hard knock life[3], and it/(he) will be back, uh, talking its/(his) shit, or some "thing" will replace it/(him) ... there is no escape[3], and I got lost in the dark, you know? / and it's easily done / when the light is off[3], and my tummy is all funny / maybe I'm just hungry[3], and I can't move too fast / so slow down, slow down, slow down, down, down ...[3], and NOISE(!) ... in the street, bastards![3], and I've got a cushion to make me feel better / I've strapped it to my head[3], and I'm so clumsy / and lucky![3], and

And / I'm a headbanger![1], and has anyone heard my Voice? / No / YOU(!) won't have seen it/(him) / Not even with mystic eyes[1], and / I'm a headbanger![2], and I want more DIZZY now?[1], and has anyone heard my Voice? / No / YOU(!) won't have seen it/(him) / Not even with mystic eyes[2], and / Oh, I don't need to get no more DIZZY now - this is the ultimate, man![1], and I want more DIZZY now?[2], and can YOU(!) tell? / My eyes ...[1], and / Oh, I don't need to get no more DIZZY now - this is the ultimate, man![2], and a-ROUND, one bang, and a-ROUND, two bangs, and a-ROUND - and up to the THREE! ... ?[1], and can YOU(!) tell? / My eyes ...[2], and it's only a little mark / no damage done, thank God!!![1], and a-ROUND, one bang, and a-ROUND, two bangs, and a-ROUND - and up to the THREE! ... ?[2], and I'm forgetting about Voice / ah, well, never mind ...[1], and it's only a little mark / no damage done, thank God!!![2], and it's a hard knock life[1], and I'm forgetting about Voice / ah, well, never mind ...[2], and it/(he) will be back, uh, talking its/(his) shit, or some "thing" will replace it/(him) ... there is no escape[1], and it's a hard knock life[2], and I got lost in the dark, you know? / and it's easily done / when the light is off[1], and it/(he) will be back, uh, talking its/(his) shit, or some "thing" will replace it/(him) ... there is no escape[2], and my tummy is all funny / maybe I'm just hungry[1], and I got lost in the dark, you know? / and it's easily done / when the light is off[2], and I can't move too fast / so slow down, slow down, slow down, down, down ...[1], and my tummy is all funny / maybe I'm just hungry[2], and NOISE(!) ... in the street, bastards![1], and I can't move too fast / so slow down, slow down, slow down, down, down ...[2], and I've got a cushion to make me feel better / I've strapped it to my head[1], and NOISE(!) ... in the street, bastards![2], and I'm so clumsy / and lucky![1], and I've got a cushion to make me feel better / I've strapped it to my head[2], and / I'm a headbanger![3], and I'm so clumsy / and lucky![2], and has anyone heard my Voice? / No / YOU(!) won't have seen it/(him) / Not even with mystic eyes[3], and I want more DIZZY now?[3], and / Oh, I don't need to get no more DIZZY now - this is the ultimate, man![3], and can YOU(!) tell? / My eyes ...[3], and a-ROUND, one bang, and a-ROUND, two bangs, and a-ROUND - and up to the THREE! ... ?[3], and it's only a little mark / no damage done, thank God!!![3], and I'm forgetting about Voice / ah, well, never mind ...[3], and it's a hard knock life[3], and it/(he) will be back, uh, talking its/(his) shit, or some "thing" will replace it/(him) ... there is no escape[3], and I got lost in the dark, you know? / and it's easily done / when the light is off[3], and my tummy is all funny / maybe I'm just hungry[3], and I can't move too fast / so slow down, slow down, slow down, down, down ...[3], and NOISE(!) ... in the street, bastards![3], and I've got a cushion to make me feel better / I've strapped it to my head[3], and I'm so clumsy / and lucky![3], and

Ryan Pedlow has got $1.5 billion for his Two Creeks Capital Management!

Jesus H. Christ! I got a signal! / Yeah, Ryan Pedlow. Who the hell is he? Ryan Pedlow, dear reader(s), is the boss of Two Creeks Capital - unless someone has been lying to me. (I'm a bit confused and angry this morning. Signals coming and going. I banged my head last night, too. On a door frame. [So I might have brain damage. Not that it'll make any difference to this blog.] On the plus side, I'm listening to Saturday Night Fever. The original soundtrack, believe it or not.) Anyway ...

[Abandoned post: Title - Can't get a signal, man, so ... I'll post this when I can

Well, it's summer, ain't it? I hope the Vodafone boys and girls have gone somewhere nice with my money.

Let me imagine what the news is, yeah?]

Yeah, where were we? Ryan Pedlow! Who is he? Oh, some guy who used to work at Ziff Brothers as a trader. Now he's doing his own thing. And he's been able to get his hands on $1.5 billion. Don't ask me how. Who's got $1.5 billion to invest in a hedge fund these days? Loads of people, I suppose. Never mind. It's none of my business.

...

What is my business, reader(s)? I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy. People forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone.

I'll tell you something: I'm looking forward to my cheese and tomato sandwich today. I got it from Morrisons. Only £1 and it's a beautiful sandwich, man. A genuine work of art!

After lunch, I'll be getting a-ROUND. Maybe I'll riff on Eminem's Brain Damage lyric. Or maybe I won't. / Let's wait and see, eh?

Yeah ...

Anything else? Well, the Voice ain't here. Missing in action, no doubt, after that bang last night. It's an ill wind ...