~ Money is the way

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

[No. 373] I wanna be adored

Totally!

And I don't have to sell my soul, you know ... BECAUSE(!) ... he's already in me![1], and the good times will be rolling, soon / oh, believe![1], and I don't have to sell my soul, you know ... BECAUSE(!) ... he's already in me![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, ah, my head ... I've got vibrations for everyone![1], and the good times will be rolling, soon / oh, believe![2], and if you're sad today ... please, don't be sad!!![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, ah, my head ... I've got vibrations for everyone![2], and NOW(!!!) ... SHAKE(!) until YOU(!) are DIZZY(!) / yes, that's an order![1], and if you're sad today ... please, don't be sad!!![2], and there is no going back ...[1], and NOW(!!!) ... SHAKE(!) until YOU(!) are DIZZY(!) / yes, that's an order![2], and this ... is what the world is waiting for - ?! / Man, the world doesn't know what it wants, you dig?[1], and there is no going back ...[2], and a-ROUND, more![1], and this ... is what the world is waiting for - ?! / Man, the world doesn't know what it wants, you dig?[2], and rolling here / and rolling to over there - the better life ...[1], and a-ROUND, more![2], and what would Jesus do, with a guitar? / A Gibson Les Paul maybe? Anyone's guess![1], and rolling here / and rolling to over there - the better life ...[2], and I'm stuck with my Fender Squier Telecaster for the time being ...[1], and what would Jesus do, with a guitar? / A Gibson Les Paul maybe? Anyone's guess![2], and so DIZZY(!), man! ... / ... are YOU(!) all right?[1], and I'm stuck with my Fender Squier Telecaster for the time being ...[2], and we all have ... feelings, don't we? / None of us are made of stone, my friend(s)[1], and so DIZZY(!), man! ... / ... are YOU(!) all right?[2], and satisfaction? This ... is satisfying[1], and we all have ... feelings, don't we? / None of us are made of stone, my friend(s)[2], and I just wanna be adored ... / ... Is that asking for the fucking moon? No, I don't think so[1], and satisfaction? This ... is satisfying[2], and a-ROUND, until your head explodes![1], and I just wanna be adored ... / ... Is that asking for the fucking moon? No, I don't think so[2], and, well ... sha/man(s) have all the fun ... ?[1], and a-ROUND, until your head explodes![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / You've got to bang a gong! - NOW(!!!)[1], and, well ... sha/man(s) have all the fun ... ?[2], and do it for me ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / You've got to bang a gong! - NOW(!!!)[2], and Morrison to Curtis to Brown to Fowke ... oh, the fun never stops![1], and do it for me ...[2], and I don't have to sell my soul, you know ... BECAUSE(!) ... he's already in me![3], and Morrison to Curtis to Brown to Fowke ... oh, the fun never stops![2], and the good times will be rolling, soon / oh, believe![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, ah, my head ... I've got vibrations for everyone![3], and if you're sad today ... please, don't be sad!!![3], and NOW(!!!) ... SHAKE(!) until YOU(!) are DIZZY(!) / yes, that's an order![3], and there is no going back ...[3], and this ... is what the world is waiting for - ?! / Man, the world doesn't know what it wants, you dig?[3], and a-ROUND, more![3], and rolling here / and rolling to over there - the better life ...[3], and what would Jesus do, with a guitar? / A Gibson Les Paul maybe? Anyone's guess![3], and I'm stuck with my Fender Squier Telecaster for the time being ...[3], and so DIZZY(!), man! ... / ... are YOU(!) all right?[3], and we all have ... feelings, don't we? / None of us are made of stone, my friend(s)[3], and satisfaction? This ... is satisfying[3], and I just wanna be adored ... / ... Is that asking for the fucking moon? No, I don't think so[3], and a-ROUND, until your head explodes![3], and, well ... sha/man(s) have all the fun ... ?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / You've got to bang a gong! - NOW(!!!)[3], and do it for me ...[3], and Morrison to Curtis to Brown to Fowke ... oh, the fun never stops![3], and

And I don't have to sell my soul, you know ... BECAUSE(!) ... he's already in me![1], and the good times will be rolling, soon / oh, believe![1], and I don't have to sell my soul, you know ... BECAUSE(!) ... he's already in me![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, ah, my head ... I've got vibrations for everyone![1], and the good times will be rolling, soon / oh, believe![2], and if you're sad today ... please, don't be sad!!![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, ah, my head ... I've got vibrations for everyone![2], and NOW(!!!) ... SHAKE(!) until YOU(!) are DIZZY(!) / yes, that's an order![1], and if you're sad today ... please, don't be sad!!![2], and there is no going back ...[1], and NOW(!!!) ... SHAKE(!) until YOU(!) are DIZZY(!) / yes, that's an order![2], and this ... is what the world is waiting for - ?! / Man, the world doesn't know what it wants, you dig?[1], and there is no going back ...[2], and a-ROUND, more![1], and this ... is what the world is waiting for - ?! / Man, the world doesn't know what it wants, you dig?[2], and rolling here / and rolling to over there - the better life ...[1], and a-ROUND, more![2], and what would Jesus do, with a guitar? / A Gibson Les Paul maybe? Anyone's guess![1], and rolling here / and rolling to over there - the better life ...[2], and I'm stuck with my Fender Squier Telecaster for the time being ...[1], and what would Jesus do, with a guitar? / A Gibson Les Paul maybe? Anyone's guess![2], and so DIZZY(!), man! ... / ... are YOU(!) all right?[1], and I'm stuck with my Fender Squier Telecaster for the time being ...[2], and we all have ... feelings, don't we? / None of us are made of stone, my friend(s)[1], and so DIZZY(!), man! ... / ... are YOU(!) all right?[2], and satisfaction? This ... is satisfying[1], and we all have ... feelings, don't we? / None of us are made of stone, my friend(s)[2], and I just wanna be adored ... / ... Is that asking for the fucking moon? No, I don't think so[1], and satisfaction? This ... is satisfying[2], and a-ROUND, until your head explodes![1], and I just wanna be adored ... / ... Is that asking for the fucking moon? No, I don't think so[2], and, well ... sha/man(s) have all the fun ... ?[1], and a-ROUND, until your head explodes![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / You've got to bang a gong! - NOW(!!!)[1], and, well ... sha/man(s) have all the fun ... ?[2], and do it for me ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / You've got to bang a gong! - NOW(!!!)[2], and Morrison to Curtis to Brown to Fowke ... oh, the fun never stops![1], and do it for me ...[2], and I don't have to sell my soul, you know ... BECAUSE(!) ... he's already in me![3], and Morrison to Curtis to Brown to Fowke ... oh, the fun never stops![2], and the good times will be rolling, soon / oh, believe![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, ah, my head ... I've got vibrations for everyone![3], and if you're sad today ... please, don't be sad!!![3], and NOW(!!!) ... SHAKE(!) until YOU(!) are DIZZY(!) / yes, that's an order![3], and there is no going back ...[3], and this ... is what the world is waiting for - ?! / Man, the world doesn't know what it wants, you dig?[3], and a-ROUND, more![3], and rolling here / and rolling to over there - the better life ...[3], and what would Jesus do, with a guitar? / A Gibson Les Paul maybe? Anyone's guess![3], and I'm stuck with my Fender Squier Telecaster for the time being ...[3], and so DIZZY(!), man! ... / ... are YOU(!) all right?[3], and we all have ... feelings, don't we? / None of us are made of stone, my friend(s)[3], and satisfaction? This ... is satisfying[3], and I just wanna be adored ... / ... Is that asking for the fucking moon? No, I don't think so[3], and a-ROUND, until your head explodes![3], and, well ... sha/man(s) have all the fun ... ?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / You've got to bang a gong! - NOW(!!!)[3], and do it for me ...[3], and Morrison to Curtis to Brown to Fowke ... oh, the fun never stops![3], and

Martin Coward's pet dormouse is on the road to recovery!

Great! Well done, everyone! I mean, for raising the money. I love you, my beautiful readers!!! This has restored my faith in humanity. 'Eh?! What's this all about, boss? Remind me. Please!' Christ! Voice, I wrote a post last year ...

Martin Coward was planning to start his own hedge fund. However, he didn't have enough money. And he got depressed. So he decided to spend more time with his pet dormouse instead. Unfortunately, the dormouse is poorly now. It needs treatment at the vets. And that's why Mr Coward wants your money, dear reader(s). Yes, he wants you to invest in his dormouse, or take a share in it, or adopt it ... er, I don't know what's going on with this guy. We've all seen the adverts on TV: Adopt a tiger and get a free cuddly tiger toy! This is the same sort of thing, although Martin won't even be sending you the toy.

'I see.' Well, the good news is, Martin's dormouse went up 3.71 per cent in November. Just one month, man! 'Er ... what do you mean, up 3.71 per cent?' The dormouse has put on weight. It's getting better! 'Oh, that's good. Martin must be happy.' Happy? He's over the moon. This is what he said to me earlier -

Mikey, how can I thank you? How can I thank your readers? I'm just overwhelmed. It was touch and go for a while. I didn't think Eric was going to make it. You're a beautiful man, Mikey. Your readers are beautiful too.

'Who the fuck is Eric?!' That's the name of his dormouse. / This is the power of blogging!

...

Anything else?

Oh, I saw Ian Brown from The Stone Roses in Chiswick yesterday. 'Bollocks, Mikey.' It's not bollocks, Voice. He was walking beside me for a few minutes, and someone on Twitter says he lives there. 'Bloody hell!' Yeah, and it's got to be a good omen, man. 'Why?' Well, as a rock and roll shaman, Ian Brown isn't too far behind Jim Morrison, so ... 'Okay. And you'll be abandoning financial shamanism next year ... for the rock and roll game.' Exactly! It's definitely a good omen.

Er ...

Music? What am I listening to? The Stone Roses, obviously. The first album.

[For American readers who may be wondering why it's a big deal meeting Ian Brown, the five greatest albums of all time are ...

1. The Stone Roses
2. Revolver
3. OK Computer
4. Sgt. Pepper
5. Pet Sounds

Do you understand?]

Music? My music? Four weeks to go! I'm more or less ready. I've just got to sort out some copyright stuff. / I was listening to my songs again last night. I'm satisfied I can't do better at the moment. They're slightly rough recordings, but great performances! So I'm feeling very positive right now ...

Let the good times roll!

Monday, 7 December 2015

Chris Watt is leaving Jupiter

Well, well ... / Oh, not Jupiter the planet, dear reader(s). Jesus! That would be news! 'Ha!' No, just the fund manager. 'Oh dear.' Don't be sad, Voice. Mr Watt was at Jupiter for sixteen years, and I've never heard of him. What does that tell you? 'He's not a financial shaman.' Correct!

H! ... / So let Aberforth have him! 'Aberforth, boss?' Christ!

Aberforth Partners is an investment management firm that provides investors with a high level of resources focused exclusively on small UK quoted companies.

'Oh, I see.' And there's more!

Aberforth Partners was established in 1990 to provide institutional investors with a high level of resources focused exclusively on small UK quoted companies. [Er ... a-ROUND? No!] Since then funds under management have grown to approximately £2.1 billion (as at 30 November 2015). Aberforth Partners is wholly owned by the six partners listed at the bottom of this page.

'What fucking page, Mikey?!' Hang on! [My head's all over the place!] Here they are -

Andrew P Bamford, Euan R Macdonald, Keith F Muir, Richard MJ Newbery, W Alan Waite, Alistair J Whyte.

The partners. Are you happy now? 'No. I don't care about no "partners", man.' Okay. Jesus H. Christ! / Well, Aberforth, then ... probably not a bad firm, but they don't have any financial shamans. [Does it matter? Well ...] And you know ... Watt, dear reader(s)? Their Chris, Aberforth's Chris, probably isn't a bad man. 'Not everyone can be a shaman.' Of course they can't! [What a world it would be!] And we're not even taking people on at the moment, so ... / BUT(!), but, but ... things might change next year ... when I get into the rock and roll game. 'Oh, I hope so. Will you be opening up the desert again?' The desert? Astral and physical? Maybe, Voice. I'll have to ask Jimmy. I mean, he's the senior rock and roll shaman. [Jim Morrison, late singer of The Doors. For those who need to be told.]

"Where are you going, Jimmy? Come back!"

The eagle [vulture?]. The old shaman. The cave. A vision!

Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain. And all the children are insane. Waiting for the, er ... winter rain.

...

Ah, that's it, for ... YOU(!). Yes. Until Wednesday. Then I'll be back, yes, me, for my sins. 'Mikey, tell us! What are you doing tomorrow, and tomorrow, and ... tomorrow?' Er ... Thursday, you mean? I'll be back for Wednesday and Thursday, Voice. I can't get enough of all this. [I'm a masochist.] 'Ha!'

Chiron Investment Management? A new fund?

You better believe it, dear reader(s)! Chiron Investment Management is launching a new fund. They're calling it ...The Chiron Capital Allocation fund, for reasons best known to themselves.

Obviously, this is the first I've ever heard of Chiron. It's over in New York, I believe. Maybe Kansas. Who knows?! Or cares ... 'Boss!' What, Voice? 'See if you can dig this -'

Chiron Investment Management is a boutique investment management firm. Our investment framework is designed to provide insight into global asset allocation. Our clients are our partners, and we are committed to engaging with them in a way that is direct and transparent.

Yes, that's very interesting. / Let me take a closer look. Oh, this is very interesting. 'What?' The founder and chief investment officer, Ryan Caldwell, says: We believe it is critical that our investment team and employees understand our clients' existential return in a very personal way. 'Er ... are you sure, boss?' Well, pretty sure, Voice. 'But what on earth does it mean?!' Nothing on earth, my little invisible friend. Mr Caldwell is referring to all their clients who use my conceptual blog posts (the numbered ones, if you're new here) to get a-ROUND and a-ROUND and a-ROUND with the aim of escaping the earth (for a while). The existential return is when they go past the first paragraph to start again - on the identical second paragraph, at it were, or will be, forever. 'What about ... the THREE - ?!' Ah, I'm not sure anyone's been beyond the THREE yet, man. 'Uh ... / It's so confusing, Mikey.' Yes. But it could be worse. 'How could it be worse?!' Ha! Let me quote Jacob Boehme -

Thus the compunction willeth upwards, and whirls crossways, and yet cannot effect it, for the hardness, viz. the desire stays and detains it, and therefore it stands like a triangle, and transverted orb, which (seeing it cannot remove from the place) becomes wheeling, whence arises the mixture in the desire, viz. the essence, or multiplicity of the desire; for the turning makes a continual confusion and contrition, whence the anguish, viz. the pain, the third form (or string of sense) arises.

'Oh, I see what you mean.'

...

Anything else? Music? I bought a couple of albums this weekend ... / Beethoven's Ninth Symphony!!! (Which I'm listening to right NOW.) As you know, dear reader(s), most classical music is awful wank, but Beethoven's Ninth is awesome. It's the only symphony I can listen to from beginning to end. 'What about Chopin, boss?' Chopin is wonderful, Voice. However, he didn't write symphonies, so shut it. / The other album? Let There Be Rock by AC/DC. A great album! Maybe their best after Powerage.

Thursday, 3 December 2015

Thursday night PR email from ... The Clubhouse - ?!

Eh? What's The Clubhouse, when it's at home?

Founded by Adam Blaskey following years of meeting clients in coffee shops and hotel lobbies, The Clubhouse is home to 250 businesses of all shapes and sizes and 825 individual members. It has welcomed more than 15,000 people through its doors since opening and its members span start-ups, early stage businesses and growing SMEs through to well-known blue chip names.

Okay. Fair enough. So, what does The Clubhouse want with me?

Research has shown that London bound British entrepreneurs and business people without a London base in which to work and meet are spending £5,824 a year at greasy spoon cafes, hotel lobbies, bars and restaurants unnecessarily to pass time in between business meetings. Entrepreneurs are also wasting up to three hours a week of productivity (or 156 hours a year) in greasy spoon cafes, hotel lobbies, clubs, bars and restaurants in between business meetings.

Ha! Well, The Clubhouse is on to a loser with me, BECAUSE(!) ... I love it, absolutely love it, when business people waste their time instead of working (like squares) for a living. I mean, take the Aviva Investors mob. It's their office party tomorrow night ... 'What's wrong with that, boss? Every firm deserves an office party.' Voice, this is Aviva Investors, yeah? 'Oh, right. Of course.' The party merely starts tomorrow night. It won't actually end till sometime in mid-January. And you know what, dear reader(s)? I don't have a problem with it.

...

Ah, that's enough. Time for me to waste time. The weekend is here! 'Yippee! / Are you going to the pub tomorrow, Mikey?' I might. Well, I probably will. The river? The Cokes? The crisps? That's the life! Anyone got any better ideas?

[No. 372] The voice of David Nowakowski

I pick them up, all the voices. They come to me. They love me! What can I do? Oh, I must listen. Maybe I will learn something.

And ... "I am analytical and model-driven" / Oh, who said that?! 'Your friend, Mikey. Ha!'[1], and in the early morning, or in the dead of night ...[1], and ... "I am analytical and model-driven" / Oh, who said that?! 'Your friend, Mikey. Ha!'[2], and a NEW VOICE ... from heaven, or from hell?[1], and in the early morning, or in the dead of night ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes ... / Oh, it's only a financial voice, nothing to fear[1], and a NEW VOICE ... from heaven, or from hell?[2], and ... "A passion for portfolio theory and risk management" - is it possible?![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes ... / Oh, it's only a financial voice, nothing to fear[2], and I want something WILD(!!!), you dig? Please![1], and ... "A passion for portfolio theory and risk management" - is it possible?![2], and if this ... were the desert, ah, the blood and fire, all over, writhing in the sand, such ecstasy![1], and I want something WILD(!!!), you dig? Please![2], and I have to work with the material that comes to me ...[1], and if this ... were the desert, ah, the blood and fire, all over, writhing in the sand, such ecstasy![2], and a naked body with a real voice would say: More drums, more dancing, more mayhem![1], and I have to work with the material that comes to me ...[2], and ... DON'T LOOK BACK!!![1], and a naked body with a real voice would say: More drums, more dancing, more mayhem![2], and sometimes I dream, I wonder ... maybe we should head back to the desert - ?[1], and ... DON'T LOOK BACK!!![2], and here ... we are, for good[1], and sometimes I dream, I wonder ... maybe we should head back to the desert - ?[2], and has he gone? / I think we can relax now, kooks / Yes, he has gone / But not beyond the THREE[1], and here ... we are, for good[2], and ... "I have to say, Mr Fowke, that -" NO, NO!, NO!! Please, Davy, NO!!![1], and has he gone? / I think we can relax now, kooks / Yes, he has gone / But not beyond the THREE[2], and ... silence is golden, you know?[1], and ... "I have to say, Mr Fowke, that -" NO, NO!, NO!! Please, Davy, NO!!![2], and ... 'There'll never be another me, boss' / SHUT IT, IDIOT!!![1], and ... silence is golden, you know?[2], and it's got to be ... BAD KARMA[1], and ... 'There'll never be another me, boss' / SHUT IT, IDIOT!!![2], and ... "I am analytical and model-driven" / Oh, who said that?! 'Your friend, Mikey. Ha!'[3], and it's got to be ... BAD KARMA[2], and in the early morning, or in the dead of night ...[3], and a NEW VOICE ... from heaven, or from hell?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes ... / Oh, it's only a financial voice, nothing to fear[3], and ... "A passion for portfolio theory and risk management" - is it possible?![3], and I want something WILD(!!!), you dig? Please![3], and if this ... were the desert, ah, the blood and fire, all over, writhing in the sand, such ecstasy![3], and I have to work with the material that comes to me ...[3], and a naked body with a real voice would say: More drums, more dancing, more mayhem![3], and ... DON'T LOOK BACK!!![3], and sometimes I dream, I wonder ... maybe we should head back to the desert - ?[3], and here ... we are, for good[3], and has he gone? / I think we can relax now, kooks / Yes, he has gone / But not beyond the THREE[3], and ... "I have to say, Mr Fowke, that -" NO, NO!, NO!! Please, Davy, NO!!![3], and ... silence is golden, you know?[3], and ... 'There'll never be another me, boss' / SHUT IT, IDIOT!!![3], and it's got to be ... BAD KARMA[3], and

And ... "I am analytical and model-driven" / Oh, who said that?! 'Your friend, Mikey. Ha!'[1], and in the early morning, or in the dead of night ...[1], and ... "I am analytical and model-driven" / Oh, who said that?! 'Your friend, Mikey. Ha!'[2], and a NEW VOICE ... from heaven, or from hell?[1], and in the early morning, or in the dead of night ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes ... / Oh, it's only a financial voice, nothing to fear[1], and a NEW VOICE ... from heaven, or from hell?[2], and ... "A passion for portfolio theory and risk management" - is it possible?![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes ... / Oh, it's only a financial voice, nothing to fear[2], and I want something WILD(!!!), you dig? Please![1], and ... "A passion for portfolio theory and risk management" - is it possible?![2], and if this ... were the desert, ah, the blood and fire, all over, writhing in the sand, such ecstasy![1], and I want something WILD(!!!), you dig? Please![2], and I have to work with the material that comes to me ...[1], and if this ... were the desert, ah, the blood and fire, all over, writhing in the sand, such ecstasy![2], and a naked body with a real voice would say: More drums, more dancing, more mayhem![1], and I have to work with the material that comes to me ...[2], and ... DON'T LOOK BACK!!![1], and a naked body with a real voice would say: More drums, more dancing, more mayhem![2], and sometimes I dream, I wonder ... maybe we should head back to the desert - ?[1], and ... DON'T LOOK BACK!!![2], and here ... we are, for good[1], and sometimes I dream, I wonder ... maybe we should head back to the desert - ?[2], and has he gone? / I think we can relax now, kooks / Yes, he has gone / But not beyond the THREE[1], and here ... we are, for good[2], and ... "I have to say, Mr Fowke, that -" NO, NO!, NO!! Please, Davy, NO!!![1], and has he gone? / I think we can relax now, kooks / Yes, he has gone / But not beyond the THREE[2], and ... silence is golden, you know?[1], and ... "I have to say, Mr Fowke, that -" NO, NO!, NO!! Please, Davy, NO!!![2], and ... 'There'll never be another me, boss' / SHUT IT, IDIOT!!![1], and ... silence is golden, you know?[2], and it's got to be ... BAD KARMA[1], and ... 'There'll never be another me, boss' / SHUT IT, IDIOT!!![2], and ... "I am analytical and model-driven" / Oh, who said that?! 'Your friend, Mikey. Ha!'[3], and it's got to be ... BAD KARMA[2], and in the early morning, or in the dead of night ...[3], and a NEW VOICE ... from heaven, or from hell?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes ... / Oh, it's only a financial voice, nothing to fear[3], and ... "A passion for portfolio theory and risk management" - is it possible?![3], and I want something WILD(!!!), you dig? Please![3], and if this ... were the desert, ah, the blood and fire, all over, writhing in the sand, such ecstasy![3], and I have to work with the material that comes to me ...[3], and a naked body with a real voice would say: More drums, more dancing, more mayhem![3], and ... DON'T LOOK BACK!!![3], and sometimes I dream, I wonder ... maybe we should head back to the desert - ?[3], and here ... we are, for good[3], and has he gone? / I think we can relax now, kooks / Yes, he has gone / But not beyond the THREE[3], and ... "I have to say, Mr Fowke, that -" NO, NO!, NO!! Please, Davy, NO!!![3], and ... silence is golden, you know?[3], and ... 'There'll never be another me, boss' / SHUT IT, IDIOT!!![3], and it's got to be ... BAD KARMA[3], and

David Nowakowski has been hired by Barings Bank!

Congratulations to David Nowakowski! Barings Bank has hired him as the director of research for its fixed income team. He leaves Roubini Global Economics, where he had a pretty good job, let's be honest. "Working with economist Nouriel Roubini and a team of analysts, I focused on applying the macroeconomic research and analysis of the RGE team to equity markets, G10 and EM rates and FX." Not bad, eh? 'Who said that, boss?' Who said what, Voice? 'All that shit just then.' Oh, that was the voice of David Nowakowski, himself. Out of nowhere, a voice like you. Ha! You've got competition, son! 'I'm not impressed.' I didn't think you would be.

Well, well ... / Of course, there is a little problem. Barings Bank doesn't actually exist. It went out of business in 1995. Yes, twenty years ago! However, that doesn't bother some people. Some people are just a glutton for punishment. Either that or they don't do their research. 'Your Davy specializes in research, boss.' Well, that's what makes it so bloody strange. I don't know. Maybe he just wanted a new challenge. I'll work for a bank that doesn't exist. What could be cooler and more, er, avant-garde than that? 'Who's speaking now?' That was me, Voice, imagining what Davy was saying to himself, before he took the job, like.

Christ. Uh ... / Obviously, someone has made good money from this move. An absurd grifter of a headhunter has probably been paid a small fortune by Mr Nowakowski. 'I feel no sympathy for Davy.' Ha! You're just scared I might take him on as my new intern, my new voice - if he gets fed up at Barings. 'I should imagine Mr Nowakowski has a physical body, boss.' For the moment he does, sure.

But let's not be morbid. It might not even come to that. We should enjoy the life that God has given us, all of us.

...

Lunch? Luxury egg sandwich from the petrol station. After lunch? I'll be giving Davy a test run, No. 372. Maybe he'll speak to us, with words that will spin a-ROUND until the end of time.

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

[No. 371] The winter of love

If you're going to West London ... you're gonna meet some gentle people there.

And it's love in the COLD with a HOT guitar ... and three chords and the TRUTH, man!!![1], and I'm ready for some action[1], and it's love in the COLD with a HOT guitar ... and three chords and the TRUTH, man!!![2], and talk about a strange vibration / oh, soon it will be a whole generation ...[1], and I'm ready for some action[2], and let's get rockin' a-ROUND the Christmas tree! / but the real fun comes in January ...[1], and talk about a strange vibration / oh, soon it will be a whole generation ...[2], and the stonecutter? For real! Believe it![1], and let's get rockin' a-ROUND the Christmas tree! / but the real fun comes in January ...[2], and I'm telling YOU(!): music reaches more people than a fucking finance blog[1], and the stonecutter? For real! Believe it![2], and I hope you've got flowers in your hair, son, daughter, BECAUSE(!) it's important, you dig?[1], and I'm telling YOU(!): music reaches more people than a fucking finance blog[2], and ... slow it down? Okay, YEAH, YEAH[1], and I hope you've got flowers in your hair, son, daughter, BECAUSE(!) it's important, you dig?[2], and in our conscious ness nesses you understand our nesses conscious ness nesses ...[1], and ... slow it down? Okay, YEAH, YEAH[2], and ... uh, speed it up? Okay, YEAH, YEAH[1], and in our conscious ness nesses you understand our nesses conscious ness nesses ...[2], and in our minds, together, we are COSMIC!!![1], and ... uh, speed it up? Okay, YEAH, YEAH[2], and I share the love, always ...[1], and in our minds, together, we are COSMIC!!![2], and I'm laid right back laughing and so easy and so high ... six miles, seven miles, eight miles![1], and I share the love, always ...[2], and we are ... in our consciousnesses ness nesses ness nesses really beautiful[1], and I'm laid right back laughing and so easy and so high ... six miles, seven miles, eight miles![2], and do you feel BEAUTIFUL - ?[1], and we are ... in our consciousnesses ness nesses ness nesses really beautiful[2], and cold and windy? Ah, let it snow!!! / We don't care, do we? / It's the winter of love, man![1], and do you feel BEAUTIFUL - ?[2], and by the summer? Jesus! Oh, boy, girl, we'll be rockin' a-ROUND the cactus![1], and cold and windy? Ah, let it snow!!! / We don't care, do we? / It's the winter of love, man![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Baby, I would be nowhere without repetition[1], and by the summer? Jesus! Oh, boy, girl, we'll be rockin' a-ROUND the cactus![2], and here ... for NOW(!)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Baby, I would be nowhere without repetition[2], and my dream is somewhere ... over that rainbow, there![1], and here ... for NOW(!)[2], and it's love in the COLD with a HOT guitar ... and three chords and the TRUTH, man!!![3], and my dream is somewhere ... over that rainbow, there![2], and I'm ready for some action[3], and talk about a strange vibration / oh, soon it will be a whole generation ...[3], and let's get rockin' a-ROUND the Christmas tree! / but the real fun comes in January ...[3], and the stonecutter? For real! Believe it![3], and I'm telling YOU(!): music reaches more people than a fucking finance blog[3], and I hope you've got flowers in your hair, son, daughter, BECAUSE(!) it's important, you dig?[3], and ... slow it down? Okay, YEAH, YEAH[3], and in our conscious ness nesses you understand our nesses conscious ness nesses ...[3], and ... uh, speed it up? Okay, YEAH, YEAH[3], and in our minds, together, we are COSMIC!!![3], and I share the love, always ...[3], and I'm laid right back laughing and so easy and so high ... six miles, seven miles, eight miles![3], and we are ... in our consciousnesses ness nesses ness nesses really beautiful[3], and do you feel BEAUTIFUL - ?[3], and cold and windy? Ah, let it snow!!! / We don't care, do we? / It's the winter of love, man![3], and by the summer? Jesus! Oh, boy, girl, we'll be rockin' a-ROUND the cactus![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Baby, I would be nowhere without repetition[3], and here ... for NOW(!)[3], and my dream is somewhere ... over that rainbow, there![3], and

And it's love in the COLD with a HOT guitar ... and three chords and the TRUTH, man!!![1], and I'm ready for some action[1], and it's love in the COLD with a HOT guitar ... and three chords and the TRUTH, man!!![2], and talk about a strange vibration / oh, soon it will be a whole generation ...[1], and I'm ready for some action[2], and let's get rockin' a-ROUND the Christmas tree! / but the real fun comes in January ...[1], and talk about a strange vibration / oh, soon it will be a whole generation ...[2], and the stonecutter? For real! Believe it![1], and let's get rockin' a-ROUND the Christmas tree! / but the real fun comes in January ...[2], and I'm telling YOU(!): music reaches more people than a fucking finance blog[1], and the stonecutter? For real! Believe it![2], and I hope you've got flowers in your hair, son, daughter, BECAUSE(!) it's important, you dig?[1], and I'm telling YOU(!): music reaches more people than a fucking finance blog[2], and ... slow it down? Okay, YEAH, YEAH[1], and I hope you've got flowers in your hair, son, daughter, BECAUSE(!) it's important, you dig?[2], and in our conscious ness nesses you understand our nesses conscious ness nesses ...[1], and ... slow it down? Okay, YEAH, YEAH[2], and ... uh, speed it up? Okay, YEAH, YEAH[1], and in our conscious ness nesses you understand our nesses conscious ness nesses ...[2], and in our minds, together, we are COSMIC!!![1], and ... uh, speed it up? Okay, YEAH, YEAH[2], and I share the love, always ...[1], and in our minds, together, we are COSMIC!!![2], and I'm laid right back laughing and so easy and so high ... six miles, seven miles, eight miles![1], and I share the love, always ...[2], and we are ... in our consciousnesses ness nesses ness nesses really beautiful[1], and I'm laid right back laughing and so easy and so high ... six miles, seven miles, eight miles![2], and do you feel BEAUTIFUL - ?[1], and we are ... in our consciousnesses ness nesses ness nesses really beautiful[2], and cold and windy? Ah, let it snow!!! / We don't care, do we? / It's the winter of love, man![1], and do you feel BEAUTIFUL - ?[2], and by the summer? Jesus! Oh, boy, girl, we'll be rockin' a-ROUND the cactus![1], and cold and windy? Ah, let it snow!!! / We don't care, do we? / It's the winter of love, man![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Baby, I would be nowhere without repetition[1], and by the summer? Jesus! Oh, boy, girl, we'll be rockin' a-ROUND the cactus![2], and here ... for NOW(!)[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Baby, I would be nowhere without repetition[2], and my dream is somewhere ... over that rainbow, there![1], and here ... for NOW(!)[2], and it's love in the COLD with a HOT guitar ... and three chords and the TRUTH, man!!![3], and my dream is somewhere ... over that rainbow, there![2], and I'm ready for some action[3], and talk about a strange vibration / oh, soon it will be a whole generation ...[3], and let's get rockin' a-ROUND the Christmas tree! / but the real fun comes in January ...[3], and the stonecutter? For real! Believe it![3], and I'm telling YOU(!): music reaches more people than a fucking finance blog[3], and I hope you've got flowers in your hair, son, daughter, BECAUSE(!) it's important, you dig?[3], and ... slow it down? Okay, YEAH, YEAH[3], and in our conscious ness nesses you understand our nesses conscious ness nesses ...[3], and ... uh, speed it up? Okay, YEAH, YEAH[3], and in our minds, together, we are COSMIC!!![3], and I share the love, always ...[3], and I'm laid right back laughing and so easy and so high ... six miles, seven miles, eight miles![3], and we are ... in our consciousnesses ness nesses ness nesses really beautiful[3], and do you feel BEAUTIFUL - ?[3], and cold and windy? Ah, let it snow!!! / We don't care, do we? / It's the winter of love, man![3], and by the summer? Jesus! Oh, boy, girl, we'll be rockin' a-ROUND the cactus![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / Baby, I would be nowhere without repetition[3], and here ... for NOW(!)[3], and my dream is somewhere ... over that rainbow, there![3], and

BlueCrest Capital Management is returning money to investors

Yes, it's a sign of the times. Mike Platt's BlueCrest Capital is getting rid of all outside capital and will now just manage Mike's money and, well, the money of partners, friends, family ... BUT NO STRANGERS! NO OUTSIDERS! Those days are over! And it's happening all over the place. I mean, other firms. Soon, investors will have nowhere to put their money. 'Gold, boss? Or baked beans?' Yes, Voice. Gold and baked beans will be all that is left to them.

And it serves them right, you know? They've had it coming a long time, these hellish investors. In the "good old days", they were able to throw their weight around, treating fund managers like dirt. Oh, invest this money for me, slave. And clean my shoes while you're at it. And wipe my bottom, too. 'Ha!' No more! THE PARTY IS OVER! And I say NOW(!!!): Let them work for a living, yeah? Let them all find jobs. The bastards!

Obviously, dear reader(s), you have absolutely no interest in hearing what Bloomberg has to say about this matter and Mike Platt. 'Tell them! Just tell them, boss. Get it over and done with, and then you can write about music or something.' Okay. Bloomberg on Mike Platt. Here it is: This person is connected to 1 Board Members in 1 different organizations across 1 different industries. 'Ha!' Will they ever learn?

...

All right. Music? I'm listening to Oasis. There's no harm in it. / They really lost the plot after Knebworth though. I still remember the disappointment of their third album, Be Here Now, in 1997. Everyone thought they were going to be as big in America as they were in Britain. That would have been something to see! But it never happened, man. And it wasn't just down to a pretty average third album. You might not remember but Be Here Now was released just a week before the death of Princess Diana. Then the whole mood changed. People didn't want to enjoy themselves any more. They wanted to cry while listening to Candle in the Fucking Wind over and over again ...

Well, never mind.

Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Manish "Boy" Chopra is closing Tiger Veda Management

Yes, it's a real shame, but Manish "Boy" Chopra has had enough. He says there aren't enough meaningful long ideas in a bull market, whatever that means. 'What else does he say, boss?' What to me, privately, like? 'Yeah.' Well, he called me late last night, and whispered down the phone: I'm a man, Mikey ... I'm a full grown man ... I'm a man ... I'm a natural born lover's man ... I'm a man child ... I'm a rollin' stone ... I'm a man child ... I'm a hoochie coochie man. 'Oh. Interesting. And what did you say?' Er ... I was lost for words, to tell you the truth, Voice.

Anyway, Tiger Veda Management. What do we know about it? Not a lot. So ... 'What does Bloomberg know?' Christ! Bloomberg knows this: Tiger Veda Management, LLC is a privately owned hedge fund sponsor. The firm invests in the public equity markets of across the globe. It also makes direct investments. The firm employs long/short strategy to make its investments. The firm operates as a subsidiary of Tiger Management Corp. Tiger Veda Management is based in New York, New York.

Er ... "markets of across the globe" - ?! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! 'Idiots! / What does Bloomberg know about Mr Chopra, boss?' Ha! This is what Bloomberg knows: This person is connected to 0 Board Members in 0 different organizations across 0 different industries. 'Oh ... those wankers!' Tell me about it!

One more thing ... we shouldn't be sad, reader(s). 'No?' In a memo the other day concerning the closure, Manish "Boy" Chopra wrote: Valuations are efficient or ebullient with little room for error priced in, even as risks to global economic growth build up. Finding a new "value" long investment has become a needle in a haystack process, and low hanging fruit are few and far between. However, I can't complain too much. You know now I'm a man, I passed twenty-one, I want you to believe me, baby, I had lots of fun.

So ... it's not a tragedy, is it? Mr Chopra had a good time and made a bit of money. Now he should move on with his life. Maybe become a blues singer.

...

Lunch? Oh, I don't know yet. The usual. / Actually, I had a nice lunch yesterday. I bought a cheese and tomato crusty baton thing from a shop in Liverpool Street Station. Bloody expensive though! Nearly four pounds! 'Bastards, Mikey!' I suppose they think they can rip off City workers. But I ain't no City worker, man. I'm just a tourist, a civilian. There should be special discount offers for people like me.

Money is the way