Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Principal Investment Management has acquired Border Asset Management!

Bought? Acquired? It's all the same to me. Yes, the masters of evil have struck again. Or rather their holding company has, Principal Holdings. Or rather their parent company has, Sanlam. With Lukas van der Walt lurking in the shadows. Whatever. I don't know how it works. I'm not an expert on these matters. All I can tell you, my friend, is that the two/three/four firms are going to merge now. Yes, Border Asset Management is joining forces with those demonic freaks, Principal Investment Management, Principal Holdings, or Sanlam. [I wish I could understand. I'm just a simple shaman.] Why oh why oh why? Haven't the Border lot heard about the destruction of the Jupiter Income fund? Maybe they don't care. Maybe it turns them on. Who knows? Evil can be an aphrodisiac. Just ask all those poor women that Jack Pickles has seduced. Has anyone seen Gary Cohn's baby yet? Oh, she'll turn up.

Lukas van der Walt is the man behind it all. He's the UK chief executive of Sanlam. He's the one we should blame. He got his teeth into the Border boys (and a couple of girls). They couldn't resist him! He's such a charming man. And a very cultured man too. He could talk to you all day about 10cc. So, you wouldn't think to look at him that he was wanted on the highest levels of the astral plane for crimes against mystical capitalism. However, I suggest that you do not look at him. I mean, do not look into his eyes. He will hypnotize you. You don't want that! You don't want to wake up naked and bruised, on a dirty mattress in a basement, with a terrible headache, wondering what happened. How on earth would you explain the bite marks to your partner? (I'm presuming you're not one of these awful loners we've heard so much about. If you are, you're no better than Lukas. You deserve each other. I'll shed no tears when the worst happens, as it will.) I just hope that none of the Border crowd start complaining when they realize they're on a one-way trip to hell. If there's one thing that Lukas hates, it's people who complain. But he loves people who achieve. Let us hope, for their sakes, that they achieve. They'll be down on the lower levels. It's going to be hot. And money will become ashes. That's guaranteed. It's not really my idea of achievement, but whatever floats their boats. I won't interfere. This cold earth is my main territory. Let the dead financiers deal with them.