Yes, they must be crazy! Absolutely nuts! 'Who, boss?! Who? Tell us!' Oh, I've got a PR email from the IGF again. 'Ha! We know they're crazy. Hooligans!' No, Voice. From Independent Growth Finance. 'Oh, those guys.' Yes. 'Well, they're not nuts.' No. 'So what are you talking about then?' Christ! Give me a chance, man!
A new report from Independent Growth Finance, the leading independent asset based lender, finds that one in four UK businesses expect double digit growth in 2019 despite concerns over Brexit impact.
You see? 'Ah, one in four UK businesses is nuts.' Exactly! I mean, do they think we're going to get a deal? 'Maybe.' Well, things are looking bad at the moment. We might have to crash out of the EU with No Deal. So ... 'Have you bought any more baked beans?' No. I haven't got any baked beans at all. 'But I thought you kept a spare room full of baked beans, for emergencies, like.' Ha! This blog is satire, Voice. Don't believe everything you read.
Idiot!
No, no, I'm not stockpiling baked beans yet, or any sort of food, dear reader(s). 'Pot Noodles?' Er, no. They're very tasty, Voice, but too expensive, considering that they don't fill you up like a proper meal. / I'm hoping the chip shop will still have chips.
Anyway, let's get on with this email -
Independent Growth Finance (IGF) report finds businesses 'bullish' about future despite 90 percent highlighting Brexit challenge.
It doesn't make any sense!
71 percent of SMEs seeking new funding in 2019 - £1.1 million on average - to realize growth aspirations.
I can only wish them the best of luck. 'Don't be so negative, boss.' I'm being realistic, son.
Over half (53%) of businesses face waiting a month or more for traditional funding, as a result alternative finance on the rise.
Okay. Fair enough.
Over a quarter (27%) of business leaders are expecting revenues to grow by more than 10 percent in 2019, according to a new report by Independent Growth Finance (IGF), the leading independent asset based lender.
Yeah, right. Don't these people read the newspapers, or watch the evening news?
Despite undeniable uncertainty in the economy, IGF's Powering Freedom Report finds that British businesses turning over between £1 million and £500 million remain 'bullish' about the future. Nine in ten company leaders have concerns over Brexit yet they remain optimistic about opportunities in the year ahead. In fact seven in ten (69%) companies expect an increase in revenues.
Well, okay. The only thing that can explain it is ... entrepreneurs are naturally optimistic. 'It goes with the territory, boss.' Of course it does! I mean, I'm still listening to that Vance/Musk audiobook on a loop to shift my paradigm, like, and our Elon has always been optimistic about all kinds of crazy shit. 'Hanging out with Martians and that.' Yes. That's one example. But, listen ... even Elon - if he lived in the UK - would have to think twice about Brexit, man.
Okay, okay. There's quite a bit of this. Uh. Let's finish with top boy, John Onslow -
John Onslow, CEO of Independent Growth Finance, comments, "British SMEs are the lifeblood of this country. It is encouraging to hear how many are forecasting meaningful growth in 2019. Such a large number of businesses seeking more than £1.1 million in funding shows that businesses want to seize control of their financial futures. Yet our findings suggest many struggle to find quick and flexible funding. With uncertainty on the horizon SMEs are refusing to stand still. Instead they are pushing for ambitious growth and alternative funding solutions."
All right. Thanks, John.
ENDS
...
Anything else? Er ... not today, kook(s). 'But there's always tomorrow, guy(s)!' Yes, yes, there's always ...
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to -
'Stop it, boss! You'll make yourself ill.'
Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
Laters!
A new report from Independent Growth Finance, the leading independent asset based lender, finds that one in four UK businesses expect double digit growth in 2019 despite concerns over Brexit impact.
You see? 'Ah, one in four UK businesses is nuts.' Exactly! I mean, do they think we're going to get a deal? 'Maybe.' Well, things are looking bad at the moment. We might have to crash out of the EU with No Deal. So ... 'Have you bought any more baked beans?' No. I haven't got any baked beans at all. 'But I thought you kept a spare room full of baked beans, for emergencies, like.' Ha! This blog is satire, Voice. Don't believe everything you read.
Idiot!
No, no, I'm not stockpiling baked beans yet, or any sort of food, dear reader(s). 'Pot Noodles?' Er, no. They're very tasty, Voice, but too expensive, considering that they don't fill you up like a proper meal. / I'm hoping the chip shop will still have chips.
Anyway, let's get on with this email -
Independent Growth Finance (IGF) report finds businesses 'bullish' about future despite 90 percent highlighting Brexit challenge.
It doesn't make any sense!
71 percent of SMEs seeking new funding in 2019 - £1.1 million on average - to realize growth aspirations.
I can only wish them the best of luck. 'Don't be so negative, boss.' I'm being realistic, son.
Over half (53%) of businesses face waiting a month or more for traditional funding, as a result alternative finance on the rise.
Okay. Fair enough.
Over a quarter (27%) of business leaders are expecting revenues to grow by more than 10 percent in 2019, according to a new report by Independent Growth Finance (IGF), the leading independent asset based lender.
Yeah, right. Don't these people read the newspapers, or watch the evening news?
Despite undeniable uncertainty in the economy, IGF's Powering Freedom Report finds that British businesses turning over between £1 million and £500 million remain 'bullish' about the future. Nine in ten company leaders have concerns over Brexit yet they remain optimistic about opportunities in the year ahead. In fact seven in ten (69%) companies expect an increase in revenues.
Well, okay. The only thing that can explain it is ... entrepreneurs are naturally optimistic. 'It goes with the territory, boss.' Of course it does! I mean, I'm still listening to that Vance/Musk audiobook on a loop to shift my paradigm, like, and our Elon has always been optimistic about all kinds of crazy shit. 'Hanging out with Martians and that.' Yes. That's one example. But, listen ... even Elon - if he lived in the UK - would have to think twice about Brexit, man.
Okay, okay. There's quite a bit of this. Uh. Let's finish with top boy, John Onslow -
John Onslow, CEO of Independent Growth Finance, comments, "British SMEs are the lifeblood of this country. It is encouraging to hear how many are forecasting meaningful growth in 2019. Such a large number of businesses seeking more than £1.1 million in funding shows that businesses want to seize control of their financial futures. Yet our findings suggest many struggle to find quick and flexible funding. With uncertainty on the horizon SMEs are refusing to stand still. Instead they are pushing for ambitious growth and alternative funding solutions."
All right. Thanks, John.
ENDS
...
Anything else? Er ... not today, kook(s). 'But there's always tomorrow, guy(s)!' Yes, yes, there's always ...
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to -
'Stop it, boss! You'll make yourself ill.'
Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
Laters!
