Wednesday, 13 June 2007

City of London investment banks desperate for mystical workers

The hiring of money mystics and shamans in the Square Mile shows no sign of slowing down. Investment banks are becoming increasingly desperate to find the best mystical workers, or any mystical workers at all because there is a shortage.

Arthur Simmons from the Chaos College of Finance explains, 'Investment bank human resources departments are constantly on the phone to me. They want to know when our first crop of graduates will be ready to enter the workplace. Alas, not for a few months yet. Also, I have wannabe shamans pestering me. They want to get on our courses, but all the places are taken. I've never known anything like it.'

I knew this would happen. I knew that as soon as the banks witnessed the outstanding talent for prediction these mystical workers possess, the whole scene would explode - and it has. Presently, the majority of these workers are based in Canary Wharf, but the banks in that area are terrified of losing their staff to the Square Mile. Salaries for junior mystics have risen from £30,000 to about £70,000. Senior mystics can write their own ticket.

Where will this all end? I believe there is a real danger charlatans will take advantage of the situation and try to find work in the City. That would be an absolute disaster. A few rotten apples could destroy the reputation of the entire mystical prediction industry. I just hope investment banks have the right vetting procedures in place.