Wednesday, 4 July 2007

How to cope with the stresses of City life

It has been reported that workers in the City of London are so stressed out these days that they are turning to drink, drugs and sex to relieve the pressure. I can now report they are also turning to crystal mind blasting.

Crystal mind blasting is the bizarre new workplace craze where a stressed-out worker lies on the floor of their office with a crystal sellotaped to their forehead. They then get a colleague to blast the crystal with thoughts from their mind (well, where else?) This person must send positive thoughts to the crystal. The crystal heats up, and the worker's brain drains the heat from the crystal and goes totally haywire. The worker then jumps up and runs around the office in a complete frenzy - often screaming hysterically. Afterwards, the worker feels refreshed and ready to carry on working.

Kate Duffy from ABN Amro says, 'I highly recommend crystal mind blasting. I do it all the time and it has changed me as a person. A colleague of mine, Dexter Boomer, had a terrible experience recently with a money vampire, but after trying crystal mind blasting he forgot all his troubles and moved on with his life.'