Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Antony Jenkins: don't mess with us

That's how Antony Jenkins would say it. Yes, Antony Jenkins - the new head of global retail banking at Barclays. DON'T MESS WITH US. He means: Don't fuck with us. Don't even think about fucking with us. That's what he really wants to say. And he hasn't even said: Don't mess with us yet. But he will. He's building up to it. Then he'll really lose his temper, and say: Don't fuck with us. Virgin, Tesco, don't even think about fucking with us. We will tear you a new one, and it will be painful.

Yes. Mr Jenkins is concerned about all the Johnny-come-latelies who are getting into banking. Virgin, Tesco, Poundstretcher. And he is right to be concerned. What do any of these firms know about the business?

Let's be frank with each other, dear reader: they don't know shit. Would you really trust some goatee-bearded, jumpered-up, grinning, toothy goon with your hard-earned cash? I think we all know who I'm talking about here. He should stick to his fucking balloons!

And … and I ain't got nothing mystical to say. That's a surprise, eh? Well, I've just had a skinful down the pub. That's not conducive to getting in touch with the other side and being all nutty about chakras and auras and shit. You'll just have to wait until tomorrow, won't you?