Slavery is not our destiny

Do we smile like broken skulls when money slips from our hands, when it goes away? Do we welcome DEATH when we have no money? Or do we pray to gods on the astral plane? Do we find love in hell? Let me tell you, my children: There is a time for blood. A time for death. A time to make money, and to lose it. But the important thing is to remain STRONG!

O my children, my brothers, my sisters, a melancholic weakness often comes upon me, like a sick fucking disease, a plague of darkness. I lose my grip on words. I lose my grip on money. My will disappears. I fall into despair. Oh, if only I could control my moods! This is the way of someone who will never become a god. BUT I MUST BECOME A GOD! I must change! And, my children, you must help me. When I lose my way, when I am weak, you must guide me, and even carry me. On the waves of your love I know I could conquer anything. I could conquer reality! You must love me. YOU WILL LOVE ME!

Children, are you not familiar with the ways of my strength? Surely you know that when I am strong, nothing can touch me. And I help you in those moments, those spasms of power. I am your Master. I guide you. I lead you. I take you to the burning money in your subconscious. That is my duty! And a small part of my destiny. But what is your destiny? To be simpering fools? Mindless slaves? NO! You must grow! You must follow me to become like me, as I follow Big Herb to become like him. THAT IS THE WAY! We shall become gods, one at a time. We are wanderers to eternity! We shall become capitalist Masters of the cosmos! Rulers of the astral plane! It may take a thousand years, but it will happen if we believe. WE BELIEVE!

Big Herb was a man. He lived on this cold earth. I am a man. You are men and women. It will take a massive burning for us to pass over, but pass over we will. Big Herb passed over. He joined Ganesh the elephant god. Now his voice calls us! From the desert, from the astral sky, from the City! A voice that comes from everywhere and that can be heard everywhere. A voice like thunder cracking us into a million pieces! WE BREAK UP! Yes, we tumble into that mystic voice and we lose ourselves. FRAGMENTS! But it is a voice that wants us to be strong. It demands strength. If we could hear it and hold ourselves together, then we would be strong enough for the passing over, the journey.

O my children, my brothers, my sisters, are you afraid? Are you afraid of the loneliness that the great ones must live with? Would you rather drink with your friends in a City bar than vibrate on a burning plane of gods and shamans? Do you fear the gap between poor, cold humanity and the rich, exploding godhead of flames that I am offering you? O my children, this is why we must be strong. WE NEED WILLS OF IRON! We must bathe in blood and not get upset about it. We must see tragedies everywhere and be prepared to laugh. Only then will the truth be revealed to us, the ultimate reality! EVERYTHING IS THE SAME! Do you understand? A bank is the same as a dog. A rat is the same as a Rolex watch. A mouthful of banknotes is as good as a kick in the balls. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE! You must learn that all reality can be boiled down to nothingness! You could put the ashes of the entire universe in your arsehole and nobody would be any the wiser!

WE ARE SURROUNDED BY ENEMIES! Yes. We must admit the truth. The ones who want us to be slaves! They want us to give our money away! Are they insane? Sadly, yes. They are lost in a confusing world of human emotions. We should pity them. Obviously, we should not trust them. If one of these creatures approaches you, you must wave a wad of banknotes above your head. Yes, they can be driven back by vulgar displays of wealth. It is not in our nature to behave in such a manner, but we must do it in order to survive. WE MUST PRESERVE OUR CULTURE! Yes, we will not stop burning and become socialistic blocks of ice! What sort of life would that be?

One day, love will take us higher. Money will burn like it has never burned. Dreams will be our realities when we are awake, not just while we are asleep. We will go beyond death. We will not suffer. We will taste the good life. Our souls will be stretched out across the cosmos, within and without. We will be happy.

Stuart Leaf, Paul Isaac, Michael Waldron, Richard Collier, and Joel Gantcher!

THEY HAVE GONE HOME!!! Hooray! Back to Cadogan Management LLC! This is brilliant. You see, Stu, Paul, Mick, Rich and Joel, they left a few weeks ago. But they're back already! I can hardly believe it.

This is what Stuart Leaf told me: 'Mikey, yeah, there has been a management buyout. We ain't got nothing to do with Fortis no more. But that's not why we're back. We came home for the mystic burning. We missed it. (The mystic burning? Explain yourself, Stu.) Ah, come on, Mikey. I ain't gotta explain myself to no financial shaman, some mystic lord. You know what I'm talking about, man. (Yeah, Stu, I do know, but I just love to hear top execs talking shit. Come on, baby. Lay it on me.) All right, man, hold on to your hat. We're a hedge fund of funds firm with $3.6 billion that we invest, give or take a few cents, you dig? (Oh, I dig!) Yeah, well, it ain't all about the money with us. I mean, we love money, but it's the mystic burning of cash we really love. And I will tell you straight, I ain't ever experienced burning like you get at Cadogan. You can talk to me about Goldman. You can talk to me about BarCap. And maybe you would be right. I don't know. I'm just talking about my experiences, man. My truth. You dig that? (Stu, the burning is different for everyone. It comes in many ways. Goldman, BarCap, Desert, astral or physical, City of London or Wall Street. It don't matter.) I've learnt that, Mikey, and I've found my way. And you ask all the guys. Ask Mick Waldron about the time he was sitting at his desk and a flame came right out of his mouth, in front of some journalist who was interviewing him at the time. (Oh man, that's crazy!) Damn straight. You speak to Rich. He hears voices in his head in the office, but never anywhere else. And he says he can see the voices as flames! Not just hear them. See them! As flames! How do you explain that? (The voices of dead financiers?) I wouldn't be surprised, Mike. That's why we're back. We are back and we will burn now. Ain't nobody gonna stop us. We have the money. We have the fire. We have the passion.'

Jesus! These guys are serious characters!

Max Nardulli with Cheyne Capital

Yes, now he is. There. With fire in his mouth. I see him. Look! You can see him. This is something holy and pure. If Cheyne Capital vibrates in a lonely cosmos - and we all know it does - then there is nothing to fear. What will Max distribute?

I have been feeling ill all afternoon. And I started off so well, so full of joy at finding Pablo! Not physically ill. Not mentally ill. Spiritually ill! My soul wants to be sick!

O Master, you should not write, not in your condition.

O my child, I am not pregnant. Unless - pregnant with visions!

O Master, will your soul give birth to a new reality?

My soul is ready to burst!

And now I am hearing the words of Max. They come to me. I see the fire of Max. Burning …

Does it all burn? Yes.

Will I feel better? Who can say?

THIS IS NOT SATISFYING! There has to be more than words. There has to be more than visions. Maybe Max has the answer, but not words, not visions. Maybe Cheyne Capital has the answer. Maybe Reuters has the answer. Maybe you, dear reader, have the answer, or maybe some medicine. Something. There must be something else, or something more, or something different.

MAX. MAX. MAX. MAX. MAX. MAX. MAX. MAX. MAX. MAX.

CHEYNECHEYNEcheyne.

Max. M a x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x!

O heavenly powers, restore him!

Pablo Triana: 'CDOs killed us'

Pablo Triana, some crazy cat, has written today that 'CDOs killed us'. That's collateralized debt obligations, for those who don't know and may not even care. They killed us! They killed us?

O Master, CDOs did not kill us. We are still alive.

Pablo also speaks of the gates of hell.

The gates of hell?! O Master, he is in danger.

Yes, he is. Poor Pablo has obviously travelled too far in his mind, and he has lost his way.

O Master, he is wandering in endless night, a child lost in the stars!

Yes. Yes. Yes. O Pablo, come back to us! We are here waiting for you. We love you.

We love you, Pablo!

CDOs did not kill us. O Pablo, you can return safely to our reality. There is nothing to be afraid of. We are still alive. We still breathe. We still burn. WE STILL LOVE. Feel the vibrations! We will send our love to you. Come back to us.

O Pablo, come home!

Our love will bring you back. It will guide you through your consciousness. Stay away from the gates! Satan is lurking.

O Master, Satan will cover him with the demonic ashes of burnt cash.

Look out, Pablo!

O Master, where is he? Does Satan have him?

No. There he is! Up there!

O Master, he is flying high in the friendly astral sky!

Yes. Yes. Yes. HERE HE COMES NOW!

Here he comes! Here he comes! Here he comes!

Hello, Pablo! Welcome back!

Yippee!

O Master, thank you for saving me. I thought I was gone, beyond the reach of any mind.

Don't mention it, Pablo.

We love you, Pablo. Never leave us again.

Lies that are truer than the literal truth

Lies that are truer than the literal truth. Visions of money more real than the cash in our wallets. Dreams of bankers, dreamy bankers with flesh unreal but more than real! Imagined voices, saying things our voices would never say. A fantasy of blood on the walls! A sea of false tears in our eyes!

Speak to me. Let me hear. Show me. Let me see.

Roomy Khan speaks out!

Yeah, I get all the exclusives, me. I must be blessed.

This is what Roomy Khan told me: 'O Mikey, I had to inform on Raj Rajaratnam. It was the only way. I had to escape the clutches of Mr Pickles. You understand, don't you? I have always been a follower of Big Herb. He is my mystic lord. But the evil Mr Pickles came to me in the night, the way he comes to all traders who wander in darkness, the way he came to Raj. Yes, he came for me and I could not resist his charms. I fell into his clutches. Yes, I traded on the dark side. Then one day, at my lowest point, I heard a voice - the golden voice of Big Herb. Like thunder in a dream, he spake unto me: Roomy, my child, you are a sinner. You have destroyed the beautiful flower of righteous money in your heart, and you have tasted the demonic ashes of Jack's cash. The taste of sick money in your mouth! But you can repent. You can turn back towards the light. Go to the FBI. Tell the Feds everything you know, and you shall be saved. O Master, tell me I did the right thing.'

Well, if Big Herb spoke to her, that's good enough for me. I hope the authorities let her go free.

That Raj Rajaratnam letter

The uncensored version:

Dear Galleon Employees, Clients and Friends,

I have decided that it is now in the best interest of our investors, employees and mystic lords to conduct an orderly wind down of Galleon's funds while we explore the cosmos within and without. At this important time, I want to reassure investors of the burning power of our funds and assure Galleon employees that we are seeking the way, the only way, to keep together what I believe is our love. The love we share.

As many of you know, we have built our business on a fundamental belief in Big Herb combined with an intense loathing of Jack Pickles and Satan and all their works. We have encouraged and invited our investors to attend our daily chakra morning workshops. Many of you have done so and got a first-hand look at our chakras as they whirled around. This process is the core of our investment and trading strategy.

The privilege of managing investors' capital is a responsibility that I have always taken very seriously. I want to reiterate that I am innocent of all charges and will defend myself against these accusations with the same intensity and focus I have brought to managing our investors' capital. I have never had any dealings with Jack Pickles. He's no friend of mine.

For those who have been my partners and supporters over the last seventeen years, I sincerely thank you. I also want to thank you for the innumerable expressions of support I have received from you over the past few days. I love you all.

Sincerely,

Raj Rajaratnam

'I've been living up on Trick's rooftop'

Imagine spending your whole life on Trick's rooftop.

That could have happened to Jim Morrison. He could have spent his whole life up there. But he didn't. He formed The Doors, and the rest is history.

He didn't work in a bank either. He went from Trick's rooftop to pop stardom. He spent some time in the desert, of course.

What is a shaman?

Tell us, Jim!

Jim: 'He's the medicine man of the Indians. He gets into a peyote trance, and he gets deeper and deeper and has a vision, and the whole tribe is healed. All cultures have a version of it. The Greeks had theatre and gods. The Indians say the first shaman invented sex. They call him: "The one who makes you crazy".'

And what did Nietzsche say, Jim?

Jim: 'Nietzsche said, "All great things must first wear terrifying and monstrous masks in order to inscribe themselves on the hearts of humanity".'

O Master, you took your mask/sheet off a long time ago.

Yeah. Now I just wear my face.

Raj Rajaratnam, The FBI, Jack Pickles, Bear Stearns …

Right, this is pretty complicated, but let's see if I can make some sense out of it.

Various characters have been accused of insider trading, and the Feds are going around arresting everyone. Raj Rajaratnam, founder of the Galleon hedge fund and long-time associate of Jack Pickles, had phone conversations with Danielle Chiesi (New Castle Partners) who is friends with Mark Kurland. They had a meeting on the astral plane with Robert Moffat (IBM). And that was when all the trouble started, because Moffat was working for Ganesh the elephant god - the only clean one in this affair. Ganesh tipped off the Feds, telling them how Jack was making millions of dollars by getting his hands on inside information at Akamai and AMD, not to mention IBM and Sun Microsystems. There was a lot of trading going on. Satan was involved, in his capacity as Jack's boss and spiritual mentor. A lot of people from Bear Stearns Asset Management were involved. CW-I and CW-II were also involved. Yeah. Stool pigeons. I don't think they have much of a future. Sadly, Jack Pickles does have a future. The Feds won't be able to catch him.

O Master, I think Wittgenstein was right.

Note: Ganesh did what he considered the right thing. We should not get all Kid Creole on him. But CW-I and CW-II were screwing around trying to trap people and all sorts.

The Gartmore UK Equity Income Fund

According to Dan Roberts - the man who manages the Gartmore UK Equity Income Fund - the recent market rally has allowed investors to take advantage of cheap blue chips. And his fund is betting on these blue chips now. But that's not what interests me. What interests me is what he told Reuters: 'Normally, I get my yield from lower-quality companies with the standard kind of risk-return trade off.' You can read the full shit here.

Dan, mate, WE DON'T CARE WHERE YOU GET YOUR YIELD FROM!!!

We want to know where you get your fire from. Have ye ever been burnt in the flaming eyes of Big Herb in a peyote trance in the astral desert of our dreams, and our love? Have ye -

O Master, cut it out with the 'ye'. Jesus!

O Dan, have you ever flown high in the friendly astral sky, eight miles high? We want to know where you get your visions from. Do you even have visions? What kind of fund manager are you? Don't you understand the old ways are over? THE OLD WAYS HAVE BEEN CRUNCHED. We are living in a new world.

O Master, are we?

O my child, we almost are. Almost.

O Master, almost is not enough for men like Dan. They need -

THEY NEED TO BE BURNT IN THE DESERT!!! That's what men like Dan need. I'm tired of all this fucking around. LET'S TAKE THEM!!!

O Master, this is what I'm talking about! Some action! Revolution, man!

There is only one language these people understand. FIRE!!!

Burn them!