Thursday, 2 October 2008

Guy Wyser-Pratte blocks withdrawals from his hedge fund

What? Yeah, that's what I said. His clients want to get their money out of the Wyser-Pratte Eurovalue fund, but he's saying: No way, Jose. Or words to that effect. I'm not sure he has any clients by the name of Jose.

So what the hell is going on? I have been speaking to Wyser-Pratte. He told me, 'I've done a beautiful deal with a certain Mr Pickles. Yeah, call me crazy, whatever, I don't care. I split all my clients' money with him fifty-fifty. In return for his share, he offers protection. I've got the friggin' Prince of Darkness behind me! Mr Black Magic! Ain't no mutha can touch me now, boy! I got demons guarding me twenty-four seven. None of my clients will be able to get to me. Unless they are Jesus H. Christ himself, and I don't do no business with no religious freaks - so everything is kosher. I'm gonna buy me a great big yacht and sail away. What a wonderful life!'

Yeah, wonderful life. Until Jack gets his half share of your soul.