Thursday, 18 June 2009

Bobby Diamond: taking over the motherf**king world!

Has Bobby Diamond got delusions of grandeur? He wants Barclays Capital to be the premier global investment bank. Bigger than Goldman Sachs! Bigger than JPMorgan!

Well, I said to Bobby: 'Bobby, man, you know I love you to death. I know you're trying, man. You're trying to be all mystical and shit. And I respect you for it. But you ain't gonna be bigger than Goldman Sachs. I won't allow it, for one thing. Goldman pays me a hell of a lot of money. Yeah, it's like a protection racket. And you think I'm gonna let a bum like you take over, eh? No disrespect. Yeah, we're friends. Yeah, I'm showing you the way of the shaman. But don't push it, Bobby. My loyalty is to the Goldman crew first. There's big money at stake. You understand big money, don't you, Bob? I can't let them down. God help me, if I have to choose, you or them - it's gonna be them. I will have to take you down. So don't put me in that position, Bobby. I'm begging you, Bob. Don't make me fuck you up. Because I will. I'll be totally ruthless.'

Anyway, I think Bob got the idea. In the end, he could see where I was coming from.

By the way, my chat with Bob has been heavily edited. I don't think it's right that I should tell you, dear reader, what Mr Diamond said to me. He was in tears, he was very emotional, and it's in no one's interest for him to be humiliated. I love that fucking kid.